


Forgotten: A Reylo Sequel

by KCMarsala



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Absent Parents, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Sex, Ben & Rey as parents, Canon Compliant, Captivity, Conflicted sequel, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force siphon, Good Sex, Hux is Not Nice, Loss of Parent(s), Memory Loss, Parent-Child Relationship, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Redeemed Ben Solo, Resistance in hiding, Single Parents, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Rey/Kylo Ren, Solo Twins, Two Husbands, how much hope is too much hope?, missing Rey, stealth troopers, unknown emperor, when to let go?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-04-28 02:21:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 35
Words: 191,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14439411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KCMarsala/pseuds/KCMarsala
Summary: In the years following the Second Galactic War and the dissolution of the reincarnated Empire, Rey suddenly goes missing without a trace. Determined to find her and bring her home to their children, Ben searches the galaxy for her, never imagining that, once he finally finds her, she'd have no idea who he is..."Forgotten" takes place several years after the events of "Conflicted," by KCMarsala. (So, if you haven't read that yet, you should probably start there!) This installment explores themes of love, loss, family, and the role of memory throughout it all.





	1. Nightmare

“Open your eyes, sweetheart. Look at me.”

She felt moisture on her cheek and knew it had come from his tear, fallen from his eye. Despite her fervent desire to remain oblivious to the pain that awaited her, she slowly followed his bidding. She couldn’t see him clearly as he hovered over her, but she knew beyond any doubt that this was the man she loved with all her being…and he was about to die.

“Don’t say it,” she whimpered, begging him, but he shook his head.

“You must survive,” he croaked, and she sobbed. “Swear it to me.”

“No,” she moaned. “No, I can’t.”

“You can, and you must. For them,” he added, his knuckles brushing gently against her middle, drawing her attention to the barely begun lives within her womb. “Survive. For them.”

“Not without you!” she wailed softly, her anguish consuming her.

“ _For_ me,” he pleaded, only causing her to weep with renewed fervor.

“Oh, _please_ ,” a low, cold voice interrupted contemptuously.

She couldn’t see the speaker of these words either, but she knew they were uttered by their enemy, a heartless murderer who had set his sights on the deaths of herself and her one true love.

“He serves no further purpose,” the evil voice pronounced, a hand gesturing dismissively toward the man at her side. “Execute him. Now.”

She screamed, instinctively flinging herself in the path of her love’s executioner. But rather than obstructing a bladed weapon aimed to remove his head, she found herself centered in a vortex, a swirling confusion of sight, sound, and sensation that pulled her down and within, robbing her instantly of her senses and plunging her into an oblivion from which she could not escape…

 

Rey screamed, bolting upright and breathing frantically, her mind requiring a second cry of terror and dismay before it caught up to the fact that it had only been a dream, _the_ dream, the same one from which she always woke screaming. Succumbing instantly to the wild tears that invariably followed the dream, she yelped once again when she felt a hand on her shoulder. With another whimper of helpless despair, she flung herself into her husband’s arms, her tears drenching his bare shoulder as she clung to him, desperately seeking his reassurance. Slowly, her higher faculties regained control over her emotions, at last coming to embrace the words he whispered at her ear over and over.

“It was a dream,” he murmured, stroking her hair tenderly and holding her tight. “Only a dream.”

There were other dreams she had on occasion, ones that hinted at things she had clearly forgotten. But it was this one that truly terrified her because it showed a glimpse of the moment in which everything had changed. As it turned out, she hadn’t lost her husband that day as she’d feared, but she had lost the entirety of herself. She could feel that she was only a fraction of the person she had once been, and it was beyond distressing to realize she had already achieved all the progress she could ever make toward her recovery. If only she could have been stronger, more capable of resisting or even just understanding the power that had overtaken her. Maybe then she could have fought it, thwarted it, rather than surrendering entirely to its effects. And maybe her resistance could have enabled her to live a full life now…or at least something more than this hollow existence she endured.

As always, these thoughts stabbed uncomfortably at her conscience, and she pushed her way out of her husband’s embrace with a heavy sigh. Rolling to the edge of the bed, she rose to her feet and strode purposefully from the room. She ignored his calls for her to come back, instead making her way unerringly to the kitchen and the glass of water she suddenly so desperately needed. She looked down at the flowing sleeping gown of the finest fabric that swirled about her legs as she walked, then up at the well-appointed kitchen of the luxurious home he had provided for her, and the sudden instinct that it was all just a beautiful prison assailed her. Gritting her teeth and shoving the thought aside, she forced herself to focus solely on retrieving a glass and filling it with clear, pure water…yet another luxury of her incarceration.

Rey slammed the glass down, water splashing over its rim to drench her hand and the counter. She bowed her head, fuming angrily that the errant thoughts wouldn’t stop. She had finally begun to make some headway toward calming herself when she tensed all over again, jerking in surprise as his hands gripped her shoulders and slid down the length of her arms. With a frustrated sigh, she leaned back against him, the entire length of her body coming into contact with the entire length of his. Her neck arched back and she moaned at the sensation of his lips below her ear.

“When did you get home?” she murmured.

“Only a few hours ago,” he responded softly, his breath fluttering seductively over her skin. “You were already asleep.”

She moaned again, ostensibly in reaction to the sensation of him gently kneading her breast, but actually in frustration as her mind spun away on yet another of its nonsensical tangents. She couldn’t be certain, but it seemed as though she always had this particular dream when he returned home, always on her first night at his side in the wake of his long absences. Firmly insisting that her mind cease its pointless wanderings, she reached back with her hands to grasp his ass, pressing her own rear end back into the arousal she could feel growing between them. His breath caught in a hiss at her ear, and she squeezed, her fingers digging into his bare flesh.

She knew where this was headed, anticipated the moment a forceful hand planted between her shoulder blades and predictably shoved her forward. In petty retaliation, she allowed her hand to slide directly into the glass of water, tipping its contents across the cold surface before the delicate container sailed over the edge to shatter on the floor. The damage unheeded, she sensed his frantic need as her gown was lifted unceremoniously to expose her ass. She reached back between her legs to catch his straining cock and ease its way inside her as well as she could, knowing that his lack of foreplay would leave her even more sore afterward were she to leave him to his own devices. Besides, it gave her the advantage of having her hand appropriately positioned as he pounded away at her, driving his dick inside her ruthlessly while she attempted to stroke her clit into playing along. All too soon, though, he was done, gripping her hips firmly against his as he groaned and choked out his orgasm. Rey rested against the counter, abandoning her fleeting quest for her own pleasure, and listening to his efforts to regain his breath.

“I’m sorry, darling. I don’t know what came over me,” he said…just as he always did.

She shook her head, negating the apology. Sex had long ago become a utilitarian thing, a perpetually fruitless effort to conceive rather than any expression of their love for one another. The thing was, though, she had also long ago given up on being _able_ to conceive. Either he still had hope or…he was just getting off.

_I wonder if he’d ever bother coming home if it wasn’t for my cunt._

Rey squeezed her eyes shut, horrified with herself for thinking such a thing and thrusting it forcefully from her mind with all due haste. As if to make up for her uncharitable thought, she gently pushed back at his hips with her hand, easing his fading erection from her body and turning to embrace him as the evidence of his desire went oozing down her leg. She buried her face in his neck as his arms wrapped around her, reminding herself how much she loved him, how dedicated he was to taking care of her, and how grateful she was for whatever time he could spend with her. Burying her guilt and willfully filling her mind with her deep and abiding love for him, she kissed him soundly. He responded passionately, his tongue plunging inside her mouth in a crude imitation of the sexual act they’d just completed. She moaned against him as her hand rose of its own accord to cradle his head and delve into his hair. And, with a sudden, strangled cry, she abruptly pushed him away.

Curved awkwardly to the side so that her elbow met the counter at her hip, her body contracted and her fist pressed into an eye socket as she struggled with the visceral sensation that had seized her. The moment her hand had touched his hair, she’d been assailed with the sudden certainty that it was all wrong. She’d expected to encounter long, silky locks that curled gently around her fingers, rather than the short, stiff hair that she’d only ever known her husband to have. The dissonance between what she’d expected and what she’d felt had been jarring, leaving her heaving for breath and desperate for something to ground her to reality. Latching onto the slimy discomfort his cum had left at her crotch as entirely real enough, she felt her world come back into focus. But it wasn’t until she could breathe more evenly that she became aware of her husband’s alarmed voice.

“What is it?” he asked anxiously, his voice far louder than it needed to be. “What’s wrong?”

“I had a flash,” she explained impatiently, desperate to silence his voice grating horribly in her ears.

That was how they had long since come to refer to these sudden insights she sometimes got into her forgotten past. Sometimes they were images, sometimes voices, and sometimes a sudden and inexplicable instinct that she knew revealed some hidden truth.

“What did you flash about?”

“Have you ever had long hair?” she asked curiously, rather than answer his question directly.

She peered at him closely, watching him hesitate. She could see his mind working frantically behind his eyes, calculating and scheming, and she suddenly felt overwhelmingly suspicious. Why should it take so long for him to answer such a straightforward question?

“Only a little longer than this, I guess,” he answered with a shrug and a vague gesture toward his scalp, both of which somehow struck her as feeling forced. “How long do you mean?”

“At least here,” she answered, gently touching the point midway down his neck.

 _To cover your ears_.

Rey blinked abruptly, that subtle gesture serving as the only indicator of the errant thought that had instantly suffused her mind. Her eyes slid over his exposed ears, instinct telling her that covering them had simply never of much concern for him. So, then, who was she thinking of…?

“No,” he answered, oblivious to her further insight, “not that long.”

Rey nodded somberly, having already known that she would gain no clarity from him on the matter. She carefully suppressed her disappointment, knowing from long experience how he disliked when she couldn’t readily attribute her flashes to him. Indeed, his narrowed gaze and the bitter words that followed confirmed his emerging jealousy.

“Maybe you’re remembering some _other_ man you loved.”

Rey smiled gently, smoothly adopting the placating demeanor she often employed with him. Guilt nipped at her conscience again, pointing out to her that she was being somewhat insincere, deliberately giving him what he wanted only so she didn’t have to deal with his insecurities. Ruthlessly shoving the thought aside, though, she gently stroked her thumb across his pouty lip, thoroughly familiar with this game of theirs.

“Impossible,” she answered sensuously, slipping her arms about his shoulders and angling her body into his embrace. “I may not remember much, but I do know that you’re the only man I’ve ever loved, Supreme Leader Armitage Hux.”

But even as she lost herself in his kiss, she couldn’t entirely shake the nagging sense that the silky, curling hair she’d longed to run her fingers through had not carried his ginger hue, but been dark as night.


	2. Dad's Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing the extended Solo family.

Finn leaned back in his chair, laughing heartily.

“So, then she put it down, but it kept staring at her like it was going to attack her!”

Finn laughed again at the boy’s story. As funny as it was, though, he belatedly realized he needed to be the adult. Reluctantly, he turned his mind toward responsible matters, like safety.

“Is it still aggressive?”

“No,” Declan answered, almost with an air of disappointment as he dug into his meal once again. “I put it to sleep and it was fine when it woke up.”

“That’s good,” Finn conceded, struggling to contain his mirth. “The last thing we need around here is a violent porg!”

“He wasn’t violent,” Aileen spoke up finally, her voice characteristically soft and just the slightest bit affronted. “He was just hungry.”

“I hope you got it some food after it woke up, then.”

Aileen nodded, but her twin noisily dropped his fork onto his plate with an audible gasp, probably remembering some detail to share regarding the porg’s antics after its confusing encounter with the young Force-users. But before he could get a word out, the siblings suddenly froze, the light of amusement in their eyes abruptly doused as they turned to look at each other with dour expressions. Having long since become accustomed to such evidence of things he couldn’t perceive, Finn gave them a moment before gently drawing their attention back to him.

“What is it?”

Two sets of dark eyes turned toward him then swiftly dropped away. Aileen very carefully set her fork on the edge of her plate then folded her hands in her lap, her eyes studiously tracking both these actions. Declan picked up his fork and started stabbing despondently at the slippery noodles on his plate. But neither of them spoke.

“C’mon, you two,” Finn prodded them delicately. “You know the rule.”

 _No secrets_.

The Solo twins had spent their entire lives with this expectation placed on them, and it was a rule that was to be equally respected and followed at all times by their caretakers as well. Unfortunately, most of the denizens of this sprawling house — Finn included — didn’t have any means beyond the twins’ own moral compass to enforce he rule. Not for the first time, Finn wondered how much longer it would be before the twins’ natural teenage instincts led them to rebel. Quickly suppressing dire thoughts of the chaos that could ensue, he reminded himself of the only defense he or anyone else in this strange family of theirs could mount: that everyone did everything they could to love and care for each other. With their hearts and minds all genuinely committed to that objective, the future would take care of itself. Of course, that wasn’t hard to do, since Finn truly and honestly adored the twin children of two of his dearest friends.

“Dad’s home,” Declan answered finally.

Finn nodded, having suspected that cause. Now sharing in the disheartening mood that had suddenly gripped the kids, he asked softly, “No luck?”

The boy shook his head and Finn sighed. He looked down at his plate, mourning the appetite that had suddenly been spoiled. Knowing that the thought of eating anything would make him nauseous now, Finn swiftly decided it was acceptable for the food to go to waste tonight.

“Alright… Let’s take care of the dishes so we don’t have to worry about them later, ’kay?”

The twins both nodded and wriggled their way out of their chairs. Finn watched with sorrow in his heart as Declan reached a hand out to his sister, only to be rebuffed brutally by a scowl and a firm shake of her head. He knew Aileen was not a hugger at the best of times, but she became downright ornery when she was upset. It was widely acknowledged at such times that it was best to just give her space, but her twin nevertheless always took steps to make sure she knew physical comfort was available, should she change her mind. Declan, on the other hand, was as much a hugger as Finn knew his mother had been, so he opened his arms and welcomed the boy into his embrace, each of them gleaning comfort from the other.

“She’s not dead,” Declan’s muffled voice came from somewhere in the vicinity of Finn’s sternum.

It took him a moment to puzzle out what it was that Declan was reacting to, but Finn realized he had indeed thought of Rey in the past tense.

“I know,” he conceded. “Wherever she is, I’m sure she’s still a hugger.”

“Just like me.”

Finn held the boy closer and pressed a tender kiss into his dark, curly hair. “Yes. Just like you.”

Having lost their mother at the tender age of two, they couldn’t remember anything about her beyond a vague sense of what she felt like through the Force. In their combined efforts at raising the twins, the adults had all done their part to make sure the kids knew their mother through their eyes. While Aileen looked very much as Finn assumed Rey probably had at her age, though with grave eyes that didn’t laugh as much, their mother’s personality was alive and well in Declan. Her joy, enthusiasm, and easy smile resided in him — as did her penchant for hugs — lurking behind the spitting image of his father.

Finn lifted his head from Declan’s pate and caught Aileen’s eyes. Through his gaze, he made sure she knew she could have a hug too if she wanted one, but she merely grit her teeth and shook her head sharply. When her eyes met his again, he smiled a little, letting her know it was alright that she didn’t want anyone touching her, and Finn saw a sliver of gratitude in her beautiful little face.

The silent conversation was interrupted by the distant sound of their father’s shuttle landing, and Finn rose swiftly to his full height.

“I’ll take care of the dishes,” he amended his previous instruction, recognizing the depths of the mood they were sensing from Ben. “You go see your dad, okay?”

Finn watched as two small hands reached for each other and the kids lumbered slowly off together. He picked up their plates and took them into the kitchen. But, there, he set them aside and hung his head with his own grief.

 _Six years_ …

Allowing himself only a moment since he knew the kids had their own misery to deal with and didn’t need his on top of theirs, Finn hurriedly swiped away the few tears that had escaped and then set about scraping the uneaten food into a container he would set out for the porgs later. He impatiently wiped down the counter and the table, activated the dish cleaning droid, then headed out to find Ben.

Finn found his former enemy in the hall adjacent to the back entry, kneeling on the floor with his two children clamped tight in his arms. His head was bowed low between theirs, and Finn didn’t need access to the Force to know how sad all three of them were.

“I know, Aileen,” Finn heard Ben murmur softly in response to some silent entreaty between them, and the heartache in his voice was depthless.

It still amazed him at times, but Finn had finally come to value this man who had once tried to murder him just as much as he did Rey. The first two years of their marriage, after the truce that had ended the second Galactic War, had been tough on Finn. Slow to relinquish his distrust of Kylo Ren, his friendship with Rey had suffered as a consequence. But when the twins were born, Finn finally had the motivation he needed to bury his misgivings since there was no way he was going to miss out on those precious babies. To his vast surprise, Ben had welcomed Finn into his family’s lives. It hadn’t been until after Rey’s disappearance, though — after he and others had stepped in to take care of the twins while Ben went off in pursuit of his wife, after he had witnessed over and over what Rey’s disappearance did to the former Supreme Leader — that Finn had finally and fully allowed Ben into his heart. And, now that he was there, Finn’s heart wept just as much for Ben as for the twins.

Belatedly deciding the three of them needed some time alone, Finn turned as quietly as he could to give them their space. But when he suddenly though briefly felt like he was walking through sludge, he realized Ben was using the Force to ask him to stay. So he did. When he turned his attention back to the sorrowful trio, he found Ben gazing at him, and the misery in his eyes was profound. Recognizing the subtle supplication, Finn approached them, taking care to let his feet slap just a little more loudly against the floor so his approach didn’t startle the kids.

“C’mon,” he murmured to them, settling his hands on two small shoulders. “Let’s let your dad in the house, alright?”

Obediently, the kids shuffled their way out of their father’s embrace. Declan came directly into Finn’s side and wrapped his arms around his middle, sniffling discreetly, but Aileen moved away with her back toward them, her shoulders hunched and her hands wiping furiously at her face. Finn turned to Ben, who remained slumped on his knees, watching his children.

“Go get changed,” Finn suggested, drawing his attention. “We’ll be in the sitting room.”

Ben nodded and rose to his feet. Sparing one last glance laden with gratitude for Finn, he strode toward the stairs, already starting the lengthy process of removing the bulky armor he wore. Guiding the kids further into the house, Finn spared a moment to worry about his friend.

In the early days, Rey’s disappearance had fueled a rage in Ben that had alarmed Finn, even at one point leading him to take the toddlers away from their father for their safety, which had not helped matters in the least. After Ben had managed to convince Finn that the kids were in no danger from him, and Finn had managed to convince Ben that his juvenile outbursts didn’t do anyone any good, both men had also managed to convince each other that they were equally devoted to Rey and her children in their own ways. Gradually over time, Ben’s impotent rage had simmered down into a frustrated angst, and eventually to a helpless despair, which was where he spent most of his time now. Sometimes Finn almost wished for the temper tantrums to return. At least then he would have some indication that the man his best friend had fallen in love with was still in there and hadn’t already succumbed to his constant sorrow.

“Finn!”

Finn turned in sudden alarm and, out of long habit, looked to the twins first. Aileen was still focused on hiding the fact that she had emotions, but Declan looked up at Finn and shook his head.

“It’s just Rose,” he explained. “She hopes Dad found Mom.”

Finn nodded, comforted that there wasn’t an emergency, but dreading the fact that he’d have to give Rose the bad news. On second thought, though, better he than Ben. Sighing as Rose’s voice and the slap of her feet against the floor floated to his ears, Finn squeezed Declan’s shoulder gently.

“Go ahead,” he said, his eyes drawing Declan’s attention toward his sister as well. “I’ll meet you in there.”

Declan nodded, and Aileen turned to walk with her twin without any prompting. Finn turned to head back down the hall yet again, but Rose suddenly appeared around the corner. Her bright, open face was alight with hope, which Finn managed to quash merely with a shake of his head. Her countenance, shoulders, and energy all dropped instantly.

“I saw the shuttle,” she explained, “and I thought… I don’t know…”

“You hoped,” Finn summarized sympathetically, drawing Rose against him under one arm as they walked together.

“Have you seen Ben already?”

Finn nodded. “I don’t know any details yet, though. He’s going to come talk to us in the sitting room after he gets changed.”

“How is he?”

“Rough,” Finn responded, then sighed, realizing that the informal taxonomy they had established for gauging Ben’s mood wasn’t equal to the task of conveying what Finn had seen in his friend’s eyes. “He’s down, Rose. _Real_ down.”

Rose sighed heavily as they rounded the corner and caught up with the kids. Finn and Rose settled themselves onto a plush sofa. Declan continued to stare at a holopad in his lap, though Finn suspected he wasn’t actually paying attention to the vid playing there. And Aileen, without a word, rose from her position on the floor to curl into a ball at Rose’s side. As she settled her arm across Aileen’s back and stroked her hair, Rose exchanged a look with Finn, clearly sharing his impression of this unusual occurrence: that the little girl must be picking up on her father’s mood and struggling with how to manage the additional emotional baggage. The four of them sat in silence, only occasional blips of sound arising from Declan’s holopad, until at last Ben arrived, dragging his feet wearily and flopping into a low, deep chair that his proportions seemed to overwhelm.

“There’s nothing out there,” Ben murmured, his eyes fixed beyond reality.

“No leads?” Rose asked softly, to which Ben shook his head.

“Not one,” he sighed heavily. “It’s been so long since there have been any… _Years_ now. I thought…this time…maybe…”

The carefully blank expression he’d worn since coming into the room crumpled suddenly, and Aileen let out a squeak of dismay before she violently wriggled herself out of Rose’s loose embrace and launched herself at her father. He caught her and held her close, his face pressed into her hair as a tear emerged from his eye to climb down his cheek. Finn watched as Declan looked up at his father and sister, momentarily wondering if she should join in the hug, but then evidently deciding he wasn’t needed. After all, if the two non-huggers were hugging, it was best not to call attention to it.

No one had ever confirmed it for Finn, but he suspected there was a special mental link between father and daughter. He knew all three of them — _four_ of them, including Rey — were connected and could share their thoughts and feelings with one another, but sometimes it seemed like it was even closer somehow for Ben and Aileen. Finn’s eyes found Declan and, not for the first time, wondered if he would have had that same sort of special connection with Rey, if only she were here. On second thought, he figured probably not. Rey and Declan were easy to understand, easy to love; Ben and Aileen, considerably less so. As much as all the members of this household did indeed love and care for each other, Finn still suspected that the two of them could understand one another in a way no one else could. Maybe it had something to do with Dark Side proclivities, but Rey had long ago convinced Finn that such absolutes as Light and Dark didn’t do anyone any good, least of all Ben…and probably Aileen, too.

As he pondered them, Finn noticed Ben’s head jerk in a telltale sign of exhaustion. Knowing there was little point to making him discuss his trip when he could barely stay awake, and having already heard enough to know there was little to hear anyway, Finn made a decision. Now, all he had to do was convince the stubborn father in front of him to follow through. But before he could initiate the thought, Aileen spoke up.

“Daddy, you should go to bed.”

In years past, Finn would have been annoyed by the impression that the little Force-sensitive girl had picked up on his thought then voiced it as her own, but he had been these kids most consistent caregiver for the past six years and he was quite used to it now. In fact, he smiled a little to himself, knowing that the directive would be far more effective coming from his eight-year-old daughter than his former subordinate-turned-enemy-turned-friend.

“You think so, peanut?”

The term of endearment usually elicited a begrudging smile from the little girl, but tonight she merely nodded. Instead, the reluctant smile came from Ben as he pressed a kiss to his daughter’s forehead.

“Okay,” he agreed before turning his attention to his son. “Declan, come here.”

With a smile, the boy climbed to his feet and went willingly into his father’s embrace.

“I love you.”

“I know, Dad. I love you, too.”

“And you, too, princess,” Ben added, reaching to pull Aileen into the hug again.

True to form, though, Aileen quickly pushed out of the embrace. Finn looked over at Rose and they shared a little smile, both recognizing that a corner seemed to have been turned if Aileen had had enough hugging.

“I’m not a princess,” the little girl muttered, then rolled her eyes as she provided her father’s standard response for him. “But I am to you.”

“That’s right,” Ben answered, reaching out to put his hand on her head rather than pull her into another hug she didn’t want.

Even that seemed too much, though, since she grunted in annoyance as she ducked away from his hand and moved to a safe distance. Ben, though, went ahead and indulged in one last embrace with his son, who was never one to deny a hug, before rising to his feet. Finn and Rose both followed suit, she taking the opportunity to give Ben a hug of her own, though the two men opted for a firm handshake instead. Finn smiled encouragingly up at Ben, who returned the expression readily enough, though Finn couldn’t quite shake the impression that it was all a ruse. And his suspicions were confirmed a moment later when the sound of a landing craft made its way through the house.

“Poe’s here!” Declan exclaimed as Ben’s demeanor slumped.

“Go on up,” Finn suggested quickly. “We’ll let Poe know what’s going on.”

Ben nodded, and Finn noted the same gratitude he’d witnessed in his eyes earlier…right alongside the same despondency. And the sorrowful father, friend, and husband made his way determinedly from the room, seeking his solitude.

“I’m gonna go meet Poe!” Declan cried with barely repressed enthusiasm the moment his father had left.

Finn grinned a little as he watched the boy run off to greet the pilot. Although Declan had room in his heart for everyone he encountered, he seemed in recent months to have found a new magnitude of it for Poe. Of course, Finn suspected that might have more to do with Poe’s X-wing than Poe himself. And, with that thought in mind, Finn strode over to Declan’s abandoned holopad where, as expected, he found a blow-out diagram of an X-wing suspended above it.

“Hey, big guy!” Finn heard Poe’s greeting, along with Declan’s answering laughter.

A moment later, Poe came rushing into the room, immediately sweeping Rose into a hug, then turning to plant a kiss on Finn’s mouth. Finn couldn’t help but indulge in a fleeting grin, but then his face sobered in time with Poe’s.

“Where’s Ben?”

“Upstairs,” Finn answered. “He’s exhausted. He’s going to bed.”

“No, he’s not,” Declan piped up, his neck craning back in order to look between Finn and Poe above him. “He’s crying.”

The mood that came crashing down on them all at that news had Declan immediately worried.

“Should I not…have…?”

“No,” Poe said firmly, kneeling down to take the boy by his shoulders and look deep into his eyes. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Dec. And crying is fine. If your dad wants to cry, he should cry.”

Declan nodded, comforted. “He does want to cry. And he wants to be alone,” he added, his gaze shifting toward Rose.

Rose nodded, turning her focus away from the path Ben had taken from the room, releasing the idea that maybe she should provide Ben with a shoulder to cry on.

“This is so hard on him,” Rose said instead, her anxiety for their friend painfully evident. “How long can he keep doing this?”

“What’s he supposed to do?” Poe challenged her gently. “Just give up?”

“He could at least—”

“No.”

All three adults turned at the firm syllable to find Aileen standing there, looking far more like Rey than she ever had before. She stood tall, firm, and immobile, her eyes dark and intense as she stared at them as a group. Her mouth was rigid, set in a downturn, with only a hint of a tremble to betray her emotions.

“He won’t give up,” she asserted, voicing what they all knew anyway, but then her gaze softened, grief creeping in suddenly. “He can’t.”

Before anyone could free themselves from the weight of her demeanor, Declan hurried to his sister’s side. He took her arm and leaned in close, murmuring urgently to her as she continued to stare belligerently at the adults.

“You know that’s not what she meant,” Declan murmured, and Finn wondered if even he had misinterpreted his sister’s intensity.

She said her father couldn’t give up on searching for her mother. At first, Finn had thought her declaration to be that of a petulant child, arguing that the search must continue because she wanted her mother returned to her. But the sound of Aileen’s _He can’t_ echoed in his mind as it wandered to Ben upstairs, weeping, and he suspected her proclamation had more to do with Ben than her. No matter how long it took, no matter how much it drained his energy or finances, no matter how much it hurt him to keep finding nothing, Ben couldn’t give up searching for Rey. His emotions, his love, his devotion wouldn’t allow him to. As Finn watched, Poe set about removing his flight boots to make himself more comfortable at home, and he knew that he too wouldn’t be able to stop searching if Poe were the one missing, not as long as he had some assurance that he was still alive. Which Ben had about Rey. Constantly. Every day.

No, Finn had every measure of certainty that Ben would never stop searching for Rey.

Even if it killed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So our friends are all together, but they sure are sad with missing Rey. Six years is a long time to hold onto hope with no sign, though...
> 
> Please leave your comments; let me know what you like and what you don't. I'd also love to hear where you think things are heading!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I really do appreciate every one of you!


	3. Impossible Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben struggles with whether to be a devoted husband or a devoted father.

Ben opened his eyes before he knew he was going to. Had he been afforded the advantage of forewarning, he would have kept them closed. As it was, though, he found himself confronted by the sight of his lonely bed.

He and his odd little family had only lived here on this backwater planet for a few years, so she had never actually slept in this particular bed with him. But that didn’t stop him from feeling and lamenting her absence next to him every time he woke up alone.

Already assailed by the melancholy that routinely plagued him, Ben stared at the unused pillow, imagining it creased by the weight of her head. Even after all this time, he could picture her so easily, her eyes staring back at him with a smile in their depths as he reached for her to show her how much he adored her. He could still feel the smoothness of her cheek, hear the soft moan in her throat, smell the delicate aroma of her skin. It was all so vivid…and yet so distant.

Ben closed his eyes against the weight in his heart, trying with only marginal success to close his mind against the echoes of his name whispered on her breath. With an impatient _huff_ , he flung the weighty blankets aside and swung his legs off the edge of the bed, but then paused with his head cradled heavily in his hands as he hunched over his knees. Suddenly, nothing on this planet or any other seemed worth getting up and facing the day for, even though he knew that not to be true.

Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to think of his children: his beautiful though enigmatic daughter, and his exuberant son, both of whom deserved so much more than the fate they’d been dealt. He and Rey had been uniquely qualified to handle the particular difficulties of raising children so strong in the Force, not only by their own experiences with the powers that lay within the kids’ grasp, but also with regard to their own childhoods. Aileen and Declan had stood to reap the benefits of Rey and Ben’s parents’ less-than-ideal choices…at least, that was until Rey had disappeared.

Since then, the twins had been saddled with one parent who both struggled to put them ahead of his own concerns in life and who frequently left them in the care of others. The only comfort Ben could offer himself with regard to the myriad ways in which he had and continued to fail his children was that he had never abandoned them to their own devices in the service of a slave laborer. Still though, in view of the promises he and Rey had exchanged at the twins’ birth, their mutual vow to always put the childrens’ needs first, he couldn’t help but feel consumed by his failure.

That thought pushed Ben from the bed. But, as he made his way into the fresher, he couldn’t say whether he moved with renewed determination to do right by his children or to find their mother. Distantly, naggingly, a small voice in his mind asked him if there was, after all, any true difference in those two objectives.

By the time he had bathed and dressed, Ben had resolved himself to focus more on the children, to spend more time at home with them and see to their training in the Force. They had made good progress, but it had always been in fits and starts, hindered by his long absences. But, in the past few days, they had begun to show some real promise, some evidence that their grasp of the Force was deepening, leaving them ready for more challenging tasks. Perhaps this really was the best time for him to reprioritize his time. It was with this thought that he found himself striding through the house when the sound of Rey’s name caught his attention.

“I can’t believe, in all this time, there hasn’t been one word about Rey.”

Ben found himself reacting to Finn’s frustration so abruptly that the effort to suppress his anger didn’t even occur to him.

“You’re welcome to give it a shot yourself, if you think you can do a better job,” he sniped, stalking into the room with dark fury flashing in his eyes.

Standing belligerently, his fists gripped and his shoulders hunched, Ben eyed Finn malevolently even as Poe stepped forward. Vaguely, he realized he hadn’t expected Poe to be here. He’d been gone for the past few days, attending to the camp, and his presence was a surprise. His rise to Finn’s defense, however, was not.

“He’s just frustrated, Ben,” Poe told him, deliberately getting into his face and diverting his death stare from Finn. “We all are.”

Ben glared a moment longer, then blinked.

_Don’t regress…_

The gentle admonishment echoed in Ben’s memory through Rey’s voice and he sighed, his shoulders slumping and a hand rubbing impatiently over his face. Finding a new way to handle his emotional responses, one that didn’t automatically result in the wanton destruction of property or the choking of innocent bystanders, had been one of Ben’s earliest challenges once his life had settled down into a less do-or-die existence. With peace had come new struggles that Ben had felt distinctly unprepared to handle, and it had been primarily through Rey’s patient but persistent efforts that he had learned how to function as a productive member of society. There had, of course, been occasions on which he’d been sorely tempted to revert to his former methods of tantrum-throwing, but it had been with that simple, two-word directive that Rey had always managed to remind him that he was no longer Kylo Ren. And the reminder of it now quickly dropped him back into the depression from which he’d already fought to emerge once today.

“I didn’t mean to suggest you’re not doing everything you can.”

Ben lifted his heavy gaze to Finn, where he lowered himself into a seat across the table. He nodded, grimacing as one hand traced a path through his hair.

“I know, Finn. It’s alright. I’m just…touchy today.”

“No one blames you.”

Ben grit his teeth at Finn’s words as he bit back his thoughts. Although he knew Finn meant it was alright for him to be upset about Rey’s absence, the truth was that he did fully blame himself for her disappearance in the first place. He stifled the impulse to express his guilt, knowing from years of experience that his friends would strenuously and adamantly deny his culpability. Furthermore, they would refuse to let up on the subject until he had begrudgingly paid them lip service when in fact he _knew_ it was his fault. It was a sequence that Ben simply didn’t have the strength for just now, so he kept his mouth shut.

Poe had long ago pointed out that Rey had been taken the very first time she traveled without Ben, suggesting that whoever had done the deed had been specifically waiting for just such an occurrence. And that was why he was to blame. With their unofficial consulting capacity for the fledgling Galactic Triumvirate, Ben and Rey had always been busy and on the go. So what had been so insurmountable about that particular trip that Ben couldn’t accompany her to Coruscant? He couldn’t remember and felt certain _nothing_ could have been that important. In the end, he was convinced they had simply become complacent, lackadaisical in their attentiveness to the threats stalking them. And it was this neglect of their safety that had lead directly to her disappearance.

Firmly shoving down the old, familiar guilt, Ben turned his attention to Poe.

“Are you still asking about her at the camp?” he wondered.

Poe spent most of his time away from the house at the refugee camp he had set up for fugitives of the Second Galactic Empire. It was a highly secure place where dissenters and other enemies of the Empire relied on each other both for their means of living and for the secrecy that kept them all safe. It wasn’t a Resistance in the least, having few weapons and even fewer ships, but it was nevertheless target number one on the Emperor’s standing hit list.

Of their unusual family, Poe was the only one who ever went there, both Rose and Finn confined to the separate hideaway represented by this house along with the twins. Since the rest of the galaxy believed they had died in one of the Emperor’s brutal attacks on what had remained of the Resistance, it was safest for them all this way. And since Ben routinely kept to himself on his journeys in order to maintain as low a profile as possible, Poe was really their only means of gathering information from the outside. Thankfully, they had discovered early on that he was highly effective in that role. As probably the last recognizable name from the failed Resistance, sympathetic tongues wagged freely in his presence. Unfortunately, that hadn’t proven particularly useful when it came to Rey.

“That’s what we were talking about,” Poe groaned as he finally took his seat at the table. “There’s nothing at all. Every time I mention her name, I just get blank looks. As far as anyone knows, she’s dead.”

“She’s _not_.”

“I know that, Ben,” Poe sighed, carefully maintaining his calm in the wake of Ben’s flare of emotion. “But that’s what the Empire says, so that’s what people believe.”

“The Empire says _I’m_ dead, too,” he spat out bitterly, then quickly changed the subject. “Is there any word on the Emperor?”

“Nothing new,” Poe responded. “He’s still a complete mystery. Some have begun to suspect there is no Emperor, just Hux trying to scare everyone into submission.”

Ben shook his head. “No, Hux was never that creative. Besides… There’s definitely a Force-user involved. He’s heavily shielded somehow, but I can sense him every now and then.”

“Wait…” Finn interjected, leaning forward in sudden interest. “ _What?_ ”

“There’s nothing more to tell you, Finn,” Ben defended himself, knowing his friend’s objection lay in that this was the first time Ben had mentioned this bit of insight. “The impressions I get are fleeting and so vague that they’re more frustrating than helpful. I haven’t mentioned it because it hasn’t been pertinent. But I _can_ lay to rest the rumor that it’s only Hux…although I’d still really like to know how that fucker survived…”

Ben grit his teeth together hard, concentrating in order to resist the urge to break something in his overwhelming anger. When he thought back on those early days in the wake of the cease fire he had ordered as the Supreme Leader of the First Order, on the uprisings that he and Rey had been forced to quell through less-than-ideal methods in order to ensure the fragile peace endured, it angered him to no end that all their work had been so thoroughly undone. But that paled in comparison with his rage over his inability to understand how Hux was still alive. Ben had killed him himself during one of those uprisings. At least, he’d thought he had. And, until he’d actually seen Hux in the flesh, felt the familiar oily presence he recalled from his days in the First Order, he had continued to think just that.

Ben stared at the table, having a hard time not picturing the charts that were often spread across its surface. He felt the sudden need to look at them, to plan out his next venture into the wilds of the galaxy in search of his missing wife. Guilt gnawed at him, reminding him he had just decided that he would spend more time working with the kids on their Force training rather than running off on what it was hard not to think of as a fool’s errand, but he couldn’t shake the need to at least plan, even if he didn’t intend to execute said plan right away.

“Get out the charts,” he muttered shortly, stifling the sinking suspicion that he’d just lied to himself, the idea that he might not immediately enact a plan once it was made feeling distinctly false.

Finn obliged Ben’s request without comment, his eagerness to find Rey perhaps in some sense measuring up to Ben’s own. Ben stood as Finn arrived with the antiquated pages, helping him to arrange and spread them out across the table in their familiar configuration. The three men then stood over them, hands braced on the star charts as they studied the pattern of marks that showed the worlds that had already been searched, and the vast stretches of space that yet remained to be touched.

Ben’s eyes picked out the planets of the Outer Rim. As the most isolated of planets within the known galaxy, he had been concentrating his search there, feeling that her captivity would be more likely to escape notice there than anywhere else.

On each of his journeys, he spent a fortnight or so wandering the chosen planet, searching the minds he passed for any awareness of Rey, the last Jedi. It was an exhausting process, both mentally and emotionally. He always began with high expectations, his perpetual hope rearing loud and exuberant in his mind that finally _this_ would be the day he learned the key bit of information that would lead him to her. But it never took long for his enthusiasm to wane and his endurance to fade. For the past several trips, he had quit the planet in a despondent state, so full of sorrow and despair that he vowed to find another way, a better way, to pursue her. But, when no better options arose, he invariably returned to the same, exhausting process. Now, looking at the charts, he wondered again.

“Maybe I should search the central systems again,” he mused, sneaking a glance at Finn and Poe to see how they regarded the idea. “It’s been so long since I’ve been there, maybe sources that were locked down before have come loose and there could be new information to be found.”

“But those systems are so populated,” Finn objected. “Isn’t it that much harder on you to search so many minds?”

“Not the way I’m doing it,” he answered, actively shoving aside the niggling voice that said Finn was entirely right. “I’m just pushing her name into the surface of their minds and looking for any reaction or recognition. No one’s ever aware I’m doing it, and it takes minimal effort on my part.”

That was true, of course, but so was the fact that doing that a million times in a day would push anyone’s endurance beyond the breaking point. On sparsely populated worlds, it wasn’t a concern. But on core worlds…

“I don’t know,” Poe murmured. “There are still so many systems you haven’t gotten to at all—”

“But there are so few people there,” Ben interrupted impatiently, “so little news. The odds of getting any information at all are much higher on the core systems just because there are so many more people there.”

The men all stared at one another, having no ready answers to the equally valid considerations. Ben had just looked down at the charts again, feeling overwhelmed and lost, when an exasperated sigh had all three of them jumping guiltily.

“I thought you were staying here for awhile!”

Ben shot to his feet, spinning to meet Rose’s angry and incredulous stare.

“We’re just talking,” he defended himself and his friends. “I’m not going anywhere.”

_…yet…_

Though he hadn’t actually said that last word, Rose was too astute and too attuned to Ben’s true feelings that it was as though she’d heard it anyway. She stomped angrily into the room, snatching up a couple of the pages to look at them in disgust before thrusting them down onto the table again, heedless of the creases she left in them.

“You spend so much time out searching for their mother that they practically don’t have a father anymore!”

Ben’s fury raged instantly. He strode directly for Rose, his hand automatically reaching for the lightsaber at his hip which, naturally, wasn’t there. Though a spark of fear ignited behind her eyes, Rose stood her ground, staring defiantly up at the much taller man and refusing to back down. As he stared at her angrily, he noticed Finn and Poe in his peripheral vision, posed to defend Rose from his wrath, if need be. But as he stared into her eyes, he recognized the truth.

She spoke out of love for _his_ children.

The realization swiftly and thoroughly doused his anger, and Ben gasped softly as he stumbled back from her and into the seat he had vacated so suddenly. He hunched forward, the agony of his heart leaving him torn and misery-laden, his fingers combing into his hair as they gripped his scalp.

“She’s not dead—”

“Ben, we know—”

“No, you don’t!” he cried, fixing Rose with a desperate stare before shifting his intense gaze to the men at her side. “None of you do! You trust me when I tell you I can feel she’s not dead, but we don’t know what that really _means_!”

Rey had been a constant presence in his consciousness ever since Starkiller Base. Once she had somehow managed to find her way into his head during that botched interrogation, she had never left. In fact, Ben sometimes wondered if she had been there in his mind all along, that he simply hadn’t recognized her presence there until she’d activated it. But for the past six years, he was never without the painful awareness that the space that belonged to her was now a cold and lifeless void.

But, cold and lifeless though it may be, _it was still there_.

By instinct, Ben knew that void represented his Force bond with Rey, and he had long ago deduced that its lingering presence meant she couldn’t be dead. If she were, the void would be gone and, with it, his last remaining link to Rey. He wouldn’t be able to brush the edges of the void with his mind and lament its current atrophy, mourning the loss of the vibrant presence that had once been his constant companion.

Not for the first time, doubt invaded Ben’s thoughts, forcing him to wonder if the lifelessness with which he characterized the void in his consciousness was more than a mere metaphor. Just _how_ certain was he that this dead space didn’t mean _she_ was dead? He couldn’t perceive anything of her presence there, and a sickly sense of dread pushed back at him on the rare occasions when he attempted to penetrate its depths. But instinct and the few precedents he’d been able to research told him that, were she truly dead, the effect on his psyche would be considerably more than simply a constant reminder of her absence. As in, enough agony of body, mind, and soul that he could very well follow her into death.

Ben stared despairingly at the charts for a moment, then dropped his forehead into his palm in exhaustion. He couldn’t afford to think like that, to let even a sliver of doubt infect his psyche. She was alive. She _had_ to be. He simply couldn’t endure if he suspected otherwise. But that wasn’t even the worst of it…

“I know she’s not dead,” he moaned, steeling himself to express his darkest concerns for the first time, “but that’s _all_ I know. I can’t reach her, I can’t sense her, I can’t locate her… And I have no idea what she’s going through. I don’t know if she’s well, or if she’s been tortured and in pain for all these years. She could be comatose and hovering at the edge of death, and I would have no way of knowing.”

He clamped his jaw shut suddenly, his eyes pinched against the images that haunted his worst nightmares. With his history both with the First Order and the Dark Side of the Force, he know only too well the torments that could be assaulting her even at this very moment. And physical pain wasn’t even the worst of it. With a Force-user in power over the Empire once again, there were no bounds to the extent of the agony to which she could be subjected, especially if this unknown factor possessed any particular talent for manipulation of the mind. She could very well be wasting away, listlessly ignoring the passing of time and the waning of her life energy, simply because she believed he and their children were already dead.

“All I know,” he moaned, “is that she’s alive and no one has heard anything from her in six years. That can only mean she’s in captivity and can’t contact us. For six years, some sadistic _fuck_ has held my wife, doing unknown things to her and preventing her reaching out to those she loves. And when I look at my children…”

Ben shook his head frantically, a wholly uncharacteristic and alarming desperation seizing him.

“Rose, that’s all I can see, that I constantly fail them by failing to find their mother. I don’t know what that means for her. I don’t know what tortures she has to endure every day, but I can only imagine the worst. I picture her every day, broken and barely hanging onto life in order to give me the time I need to find her. Because she knows I’ll never stop looking, and I can’t fail her, Rose… I can’t…”

Ben’s throat seized, cutting his voice off. His eyes pleaded just a moment longer with Rose to understand, and then he couldn’t maintain his control any longer. He turned his face aside, the tears that were always with him but so rarely released refusing to be withheld any longer. His shoulders trembled with the weight of his grief, and he had just thought to retreat to the solitude of his bedroom when a precious voice sounded in his mind.

_Daddy…?_

With a rough sniff, Ben lifted his bleary gaze to find Aileen at his side. Lifting his arm, he gave her access to climb onto his lap and wrap her arms around his neck as he continued to sob. He could feel her mind brushing against his, encouraging him to accept some of the composure and comfort that she offered him, and slowly his angst eased. Once he was under control yet again, he startled to feel her small palm against his cheek. Ben looked into his daughter’s eyes.

_Rose loves us. All of us. Me, Declan, and you. And she worries for us. She wants the best for us all, but she doesn’t always understand what that is. You must forgive her._

_I know, Aileen. I’m not angry with her._

_You’re scared_.

Ben nodded. _Yes, sweetheart. I am scared._

_But for mom. Not for us._

Ben nodded again.

_Then you should keep searching for her._

Ben felt his eyes fill with tears again as he gazed upon his daughter, once again marveling at her wisdom. Then, suddenly, the serenity she had displayed since climbing into his lap melted away, and she seemed only her eight years.

_But can we have a few more days with you first?_

Ben smiled, a soft chuff of air escaping in a relieved laugh.

“Of course, sweetheart,” he answered, pulling her close and kissing the top of her head. “I’ll wait a few more days before I go.”

Ben looked up at Rose, and she nodded, clearly discerning that he and Aileen had come to an understanding. She didn’t look too happy about it, but he also knew she wouldn’t countermand his daughter’s wishes.

A slight movement catching his eye, Ben leaned forward a little to spot Declan peeking around the doorway behind Rose. With an encouraging smile, Ben lifted his other arm in invitation and Declan came running to climb up into the other half of his lap. Holding both his children, one on each leg, Ben noticed both their gazes lingering on the star charts spread before them.

“Are these all the places you’ve been to?” Aileen asked, her little finger touching one of the marks through a planet’s name.

“Yes,” Ben answered somberly, awkwardly attempting to reposition the few pages Rose had disrupted.

“There are so many,” Declan muttered as he watched Poe finishing Ben’s task.

“And so many still to go,” Aileen added grimly.

“That’s what we were just talking about,” Poe offered. “Do you think your dad should check out planets he hasn’t been to yet? Or go back to some of the other ones in case he missed something?”

Both of the children studied the charts, and Ben could feel their minds churning over the possibilities. He felt Declan reach a conclusion first, but then he waited to confer silently with Aileen before allowing her to voice their response.

“Go to a new one.”

“Which one, do you think?” Ben asked them.

Without hesitating, Declan slid down from his perch on Ben’s lap, walked around to the far side of the table, and plopped his finger down on a chart.

“What is it?” he asked, looking up toward Finn, who was closest.

Finn bent over the chart, twisting his neck around in order to read the upside-down print.

“Cholganna.”

“Alright,” Ben agreed. “Cholganna it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our poor Ben... He never gets a break, does he?
> 
> Thanks for bearing with me on what I hope wasn't *too* boring a chapter. I promise, the next one will be considerable more eventful!!!
> 
> Please be sure and let me know your thoughts! I can't emphasize enough just how much I love hearing from you all and chatting with you. It really does make my day with every comment I read!!!


	4. Something New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After years of uneventful safety and shelter, Rey suddenly has a very interesting day.

Rey wrung her hands together and stepped back as the Imperial shuttle rose before her. Looking up into the cockpit, she waved eagerly at Armie, earning a distracted nod in return.

As the craft rose higher, the energy shield opened at its zenith, the sudden rush of humidity and sound from the jungle beyond spilling over its confines into Rey’s sanctuary. As always, Rey’s eyes scanned the skies, worried that one of the flying creatures or tree-dwelling octopi might make their way inside. And, for that reason, despite her disappointment at seeing her husband depart yet again, anxiety had her clenching her knuckles together as she waited for the shuttle to rise high enough for the shield to close again.

His visit was brief this time, far shorter than she’d hoped for, and yet she couldn’t quite contain a sigh of relief as his shuttle sped away into the morning sky and her shelter resealed itself. The cry of some horrific beast she didn’t want to imagine echoed in her mind as the sound itself was cut off. Her eyes searching for any defect in the barely discernible barrier, Rey assured herself she was safe and suppressed the shudder that nevertheless attempted to seize her.

With a sigh, Rey turned her body and mind away from the roof and toward her usual, mundane tasks. As much as she adored Armie’s visits, they were disruptive to her routine, leaving various chores she always had to catch up on after he’d left again. And today was certainly no exception.

As she changed out of the dress she’d worn for her husband’s sake, exchanging it for far more practical utility pants and vest, Rey wondered what Armie did out there in the vast galaxy beyond her reach. As the Supreme Leader of the Galactic Empire and right-hand man to the Emperor himself, Rey knew he was a terribly important person, one whom any number of unsavory individuals would love to harm, hence her incredibly comfortable prison.

Rey grimaced, silently chastising herself for the thought. She knew Armie was concerned for her safety, her previous experiences having proven both that his enemies would not hesitate in targeting her and that she was all too vulnerable to their attacks. As bored as she was living in this beautiful shelter, as much as she longed to see what else the galaxy had to offer, she knew he held her here out of love, out of the deep awareness that he could not function efficiently for the Emperor or for himself if he were busy worrying about Rey’s safety. And if being distracted thinking about her made him all that less attentive to his own safety, that was something Rey simply could not abide. And, so, she endured the confines of her very small existence out of love and devotion, and she would continue to do so as long as Armie deemed it necessary.

With this fortifying thought in mind, Rey made her way down to the kitchen, beginning her daily routine there. Flipping through the options available for her meals today, she mused that perhaps she should try her hand at cooking again. But as the options sped by under her fingers and she realized she was so well stocked in the wake of Armie’s visit that she could literally indulge in any meal she could imagine, she realized it seemed an awful waste to try and prepare it herself when her past attempts had been such dismal failures. So, after spending more time at this task than she usually did, Rey grinned in satisfaction as she settled on an Alderaanian roast she’d long wanted to try. Setting the selection and desired meal time for the kitchen droids, she proceeded toward her next task.

On making her way outside the house, Rey paused, turning her face upward toward the light. A slight breeze ruffled her hair and, not for the first time, she wondered how such a thing was possible. Far above her, the shield shimmered and undulated, its subtle patterns hidden against the brightness of the sky. She knew no sound, scent, or object passed through its barrier, quite effectively sealing the jungle off from her, but also sealing her off from the jungle. Other than those few brief moments of sound, which were invariably muffled by the sound of Armie’s shuttle taking off or landing, and the scant landscape she could see beyond the shield’s borders, she knew nothing of what lay beyond. Of course, the horrible roars she sometimes caught through the opening high above the house were enough to convince her she never wanted to meet the creatures that made that sound face-to-face. Still, it was beyond her to understand how she could be so effectively sealed against the outside world and yet still experience the effect of a breeze ruffling her hair.

Here in her shelter, her world was perfect. Although she had observed the violent weather that thundered silently outside, she had never felt the rains herself. Although she had felt the oppressive humidity that plunged in through the opening at the top of the shield, she’d never had to endure more than a few moments of it. Although she could see the thick vegetation that coated the land in a thick layer that obscured everything more than half a dozen paces ahead, she had the luxury of open waves of grass surrounding her home. She had all the benefits this planet had to offer, none of the hindrances, and it was all thanks to Armie.

Having traversed the soft, green grass in her bare feet, Rey wriggled her feet into the slippers she kept at the entrance to the work shed. Despite this added layer of protection, she stepped carefully among the parts and half-finished projects that littered the space, finally arriving at the side of a cleaning droid that had malfunctioned shortly before Armie’s visit.

“Hello, my dear,” she greeted the silent machine amicably. “I don’t suppose you’ve spontaneously repaired yourself since I was last here?”

Chuckling lightly at herself, Rey settled into the sense of purpose and awareness that came over her as she picked up the first tools she needed and set to work. Making her way into the depths of the droid’s circuitry, she sustained a running commentary with the inanimate object as she worked, pointing out the things she noticed along her path and making note of changes she wanted to make once she’d corrected the initial problem. Having laboriously and methodically dissected a substantial portion of the machine before locating the worn servomechanism, Rey realized all her work was for nothing.

“Well, that figures,” she muttered in annoyance to the inert droid. “You _would_ have had to go and blow a part I don’t have a replacement for, wouldn’t you?”

Rey sighed heavily, stifling the desire to start throwing parts and kicking at casings in frustration. Instead, though, she found herself staring at the vaguely human-shaped casing, the part of the droid that had been designed with the intention of rendering it more user-friendly. She noticed, though, that it had space only for two eyes and a nose; no mouth. To be fair, it didn’t need a mouth since it was a non-verbal droid, but it surely didn’t need a nose either. So, Rey found her mind wandering, why would its designers have denied it a mouth but not a nose? It was, of course, a completely useless thought, except that it reminded Rey of just how utterly alone she was. If she was to be stuck here with droids with facial features designed to make one feel more comfortable with the machines, she would far prefer them to have mouths than noses. At least…then…maybe…

No. Of course, Armie would never allow it. It had been challenging enough—an effort that had taken well over a year—to get him to agree to her tinkering with the droids at all. Upon reflection, she realized it was the tools that he had objected to, rather than the droids or the repair work itself. After all, she spent so much time alone here, it was staggering to imagine what could become of her if something should happen to go wrong with one of the tools, if she sustained some sort of injury. Of course, it had been nearly two years now since she’d been tinkering and nothing untoward had ever happened. Maybe, in fact, it was time to begin pushing for the next step, for an AI droid she could converse with. Perhaps a protocol droid, or even just a binary-speaking mech droid of some sort. She didn’t really care, just as long as something resembling speech could on occasion come out of it. That would do so much toward alleviating her loneliness… Besides, an AI droid would be a far better request than what she _truly_ desired. The odds of him ever allowing her to work on a speeder or shuttle craft—or perhaps even _operating_ one—were decidedly lower than having a machine to talk to.

Frustrated, angry, and hungry, Rey dropped the faulty servo from her hand and stood up. Staring with narrowed eyes down at the scattered parts, she sighed.

“What am I going to do with you?” she muttered despondently, actually waiting pathetically a moment for a response before turning and making her way back to the house.

Back in the kitchen, Rey prepared herself a simple sandwich of sliced meat and cheese and took it with her back outside along with a cup of Anduvian juice. Settling on her porch, she munched at her mid-day meal silently, still working to shake her frustration where the droid was concerned. As she finished the sandwich, she realized she wanted nothing less than to return to the work shed and the fruitless labor there. So, instead, she wandered out toward her garden.

Despite her less-than-stellar results with cooking over the years, Rey had found considerable success and pleasure in gardening. There was something deeply satisfying about digging her hands in the dirt, embedding seeds within it, and nurturing the plants that came forth. Gardening was the one task she routinely did not abandon when Armie came to visit.

Every now and then, she would try leaving it for a couple days, rationalizing with herself that no irrevocable harm could come to her efforts within such a short span of time, especially not in such a controlled environment as she enjoyed here within her shield. Nevertheless, she had invariably become deeply uncomfortable and paranoid over any perceived neglect of her plants, somehow possessed by the irrational fear that her garden would die and she’d be forced to scavenge whatever she could from the jungle in order to survive.

Of course, that was a ridiculous notion, if for no other reason than because she was never fully reliant on her plants for her survival in the first place. In fact, Armie kept her in sufficient supplies that she needn’t grow fruits and vegetables at all. There were so many other things, so many other potential dangers that could threaten her existence far sooner than the death of her little garden, that it was quite irrational to worry about this insignificant threat. And, yet, worry she did. But, as ridiculous as the threat was, it was also easily assuaged. Consequently, Rey spent at least some time in her garden every day, without fail.

After the aggravation she’d encountered in her work shed and her acute lonesomeness in the wake of Armie’s departure, the garden offered her particular comfort today. She quickly lost herself in the sensation of dirt between her fingers, in sifting between the plants and the weeds, in assessing the ripeness of the fruits of her labor, her focus so complete that the first low, throbbing strike startled a cry from her throat despite its subtle nature.

Staring, confused, up into the air surrounding her, Rey had just begun to figure she had imagined the strange sound when she suddenly heard it again. Standing swiftly, her head spun about, searching for the source of the sound unlike any she had ever heard before. Without actually functioning under her conscious guidance, her feet took her in a meandering direction as she continued to stare, alert for the sound that was coming more frequently now, seeming to reverberate inside her head, felt more than heard at the impossibly low frequency. And when a prolonged _throb_ assailed her, raking fingers of cold terror unpleasantly along her spine, Rey finally recognized the sickly sensation and her eyes widened in alarm.

She shield that encased her, while her primary defense against the boundless threats of the galaxy, was also the bane of her days. Ordinarily, she gave the pulsating and waving energy a wide berth, disliking the nauseating sensation it drove into her whenever she drew too near. But now, with that horrid sound shoving that disconcerting feeling deep into her gut, there seemed to be no avoiding it. As the strokes of sensation intensified both in frequency and duration, Rey found her feet carrying her with urgency toward the shield, dread filling her mind with thoughts of what she might encounter there.

Frantically, Rey’s eyes worked to pierce the veil of the shield, the subtle fluctuations of energy that had at times seemed even intriguing in their flowing undulations now proving a hindrance toward discerning what lay beyond. As she approached, Rey saw nothing out of the ordinary. She had never made much of a habit of examining the jungle beyond her sanctuary, but she had, over the years, nevertheless become quite familiar with the exotic landscape. Trouble was, nothing seemed the least bit out of the ordinary, even as the strongest pulse of sound yet throbbed low and heavy against her.

Unable to deny the sense of anxiety deep inside her now, Rey hurried along the perimeter of the shield, keeping a good two arms’ lengths away from it in order to minimize the sickly feeling it brought on. Scanning the relentless parade of large, leafy, green foliage that rushed past, Rey sensed she was losing her battle against a rising panic that she simply couldn’t understand. She was nearly in tears now, frantic to end the assault on her psyche though yet having no idea what was causing the disruption to her calm, quiet, boring sanctuary. The first whimper of despair and frustration had just wormed its way from her throat when it was chased by an outright scream, one prompted by the sudden appearance of a nexu.

Though she had see the vicious, feline creatures on occasion in the past, the sight always terrified her. The rows of spiky teeth lining its wide mouth, echoed in the ridge of spikes jutting from its back and the long claws designed for disemboweling prey, were always distressing. This one, she could see, was especially aggravated, its mouth gaping wide in a roar she could not hear yet nevertheless seemed to feel.

“It can’t see you,” she reminded herself through the pounding of her heart in her ears. “It can’t hear you or smell you or sense you in the least. You’re safe.”

_But someone’s not_.

The sudden thought startled her, and Rey found herself belatedly searching for the focus of the beast’s ire. Seeing nothing at first, Rey actually moved toward the shield, the unpleasant sensation it drove into her belly momentarily forgotten. And, there, by virtue of the shallower angle her closer proximity to the barrier afforded her view, she at last saw the nexu’s prey.

“Watch out!” Rey cried suddenly, alerted by some instinct she couldn’t comprehend, temporarily forgetting that her warning would necessarily go unheard and therefore unheeded.

As she had somehow anticipated, the nexu leaped in that moment, its teeth and claws bared and seeking to kill. Rey screamed again as the creature appeared to descend in slow motion, the details of the scene unfolding before her eyes somehow sharper and more real than anything else she’d ever experienced. And, with a suddenness that stole her breath, she watched as a crimson glow arced upward toward the nexu in its silent roaring flight and cleanly severed its head from its body in a perfectly timed strike.

Rey stood, her breath heaving through her chest as though she had done considerably more than merely observe the altercation. Her eyes took in the slaughtered nexu, one of its paws still twitching, slow to realize it couldn’t survive without its head. And then, with a sense of profundity that made no sense, Rey at last found herself focusing on the man outside in the jungle.

He was tall, with long, scraggly black hair. The strange weapon he held low at his side blazed with life and energy Rey could almost feel. Its glowing red length flared and spit with barely contained contempt, and Rey somehow knew that the two short perpendicular vents near the man’s grip served a stabilizing function, ensuring the weapon didn’t constantly burn itself out. The man stood breathing heavily, his focus down on the prey at his feet. From her vantage behind the shelter of her shield, she could study his face, finding it oddly compelling, striking in its pale strength and somehow unsettling. Reminding herself that she had encountered no one other than Armie for so long that it would of course be quite natural for her to find herself both captivated and alarmed by this strange man, Rey nevertheless couldn’t quite shake the instinct that there was more to her reaction to his appearance than that. It had finally occurred to her that she should draw back, begin the arduous process of banishing him from her mind, when he suddenly lifted his gaze…

…to meet hers.

It was impossible, of course. She herself had seen the effects of her energy shield from the other side. She knew from first hand experience that her sanctuary was entirely imperceptible, appearing only as an endless expanse of jungle, even when physically encountering the barrier of the shield. But, somehow, this man seemed to sense that. Straying only for a moment, his gaze flickered upward, as if attempting to find the edges of the space he could sense despite his eyes’ refusal to cooperate. But they came right back to her quickly and without error…as if he actually could see her.

Even worse than before, Rey became aware of how heavy and laborious her heart thumped inside her chest. Abruptly recalling that she should step away, retreat to the house and do her utmost to put this whole incident from her mind, she managed only to take one step before a sudden anxiety seemed to seize the strange man out in the jungle. His mouth opened and he said something, perhaps “No!” as he moved forward, reaching out.

Rey squeezed her eyes shut at the horrid sound and sensation as his hand bumped up against the barrier, confirming for her that it had indeed been either the man’s or the nexu’s contact with the energy shield that had so thoroughly disturbed her peace only moments earlier. But now, rather than drawing back, she watched in dread as he placed the flat of his hand against its surface, as if attempting to divine the secrets it held. Rey felt the pulsating energy in her head and gut, and she desperately wanted to turn and flee from the horrid feeling, but she stood rooted, as if transfixed by the sight before her. She saw his brow pinch, an expression of discomfort or perhaps determination, as his eyes flickered about, searching, but always coming back to rest directly on her once more. She watched as his mouth opened and he spoke. She wasn’t at all sure what he said, but she felt a distinct note of panic deep in her psyche as she realized he could very well have said “Rey…”

Before she could react, though, his head reared back, his mouth gaping wide in a sudden expression of agony as he arched backward. Shaking her head and whimpering with sudden confusion, a cry of alarm escaped her throat as she realized another nexu had attacked him, raking its claws across his back as he’d stood distracted by the enigma of her sanctuary. He was rolling on the ground now, pain and fear clearly gripping him, but he managed to swing his weapon above him in such a way that it glanced off the beast attempting to deliver a killing bite with its mighty maw. With a cry and an instinct she declined to question, Rey turned and ran.

Her bare feet pounded out beneath her with far greater desperation and urgency than she’d ever felt in her life. Racing frantically toward the house, Rey forced herself not to look back, knowing she couldn’t do anything until she retrieved the trinket that would pierce the shield. Thundering into the house, she tore through the kitchen, yanking drawers from their cabinets and dumping their contents on the floor, ignoring the droids that quickly moved away from her to give her space for her frenetic activity. It had been so long since she’d had occasion to use the bracelet that she wasn’t entirely certain where it was, and by the time the contents of the third drawer had crashed to the floor, she was screaming in panic and rage.

“Where the fuck is it?!”

As if responding to the unimaginable and inexplicable anxiety in her voice, the bracelet suddenly appeared as she shoved random junk aside. Snatching it with a gasp, she turned and ran from the house, affixing it to her wrist as she went. Slipping on the grass outside, Rey fell onto her side, scrambling back to her feet even as her eyes sought out the man in the distant jungle. She ran toward the spot she’d last seen him faster than she’d thought possible, her breath heaving painfully through her throat as her eyes searched frantically and unsuccessfully for either him or the nexu.

Finally, she found them, having moved further along the perimeter of her shelter, and her heart nearly stopped. His back was pressed against the shield, the jarring sensation of the contact barely registering in her consciousness as she took in the rest of the scene. He had taken more hits from the nexu in her absence and was now covered in a substantial amount of blood, clearly struggling even to remain upright. His weapon was gone, and he was defenseless against the snarling, injured, angry, and bloodthirsty beast that was even now stalking him menacingly, believing its victory and attendant meal to be imminent.

Gritting her teeth in determination, Rey sprinted the last distance to him and, utterly ignoring the horrid prickling sensation that accompanied the action, thrust her fist against the energy shield. By virtue of the bracelet fixed firmly about her wrist, her hand passed through the barrier and she swiftly seized the man’s arm. The penetrative effect afforded her by the bracelet instantly transferred to him at the contact and he promptly fell backward through the shield. Swiftly and ruthlessly, Rey yanked his body as hard as she could, seeking to pull his feet through to safety before the pouncing, roaring creature on the other side could get to him and potentially drag him back outside.

The brief flash of aural clarity afforded by her momentary breach of the shield left the sound of the nexu’s roar ringing in her ears, and that unpleasantness was compounded by the horrid sensation in the pit of her stomach as the beast landed hard against the barrier. Sparing a glance upward, she watched as the nexu fell back, shook its head over the blow it had just delivered itself, then attempted to lunge for its missing prey once more. That second time, it landed on its feet—of which Rey abruptly realized there were only three, the man having evidently deprived the nexu of one of its legs—and roared its displeasure, its frustration seeming vaguely comical in the accompanying utter silence.

At last dismissing the beast from her mind, Rey turned her attention to the man who lay at her feet. She knelt at his side as he blinked blearily through the haze of confusion she was certain must be clouding his mind.

“It’s alright,” she told him gently. “You’re safe now.”

But, rather than soothing him, her voice seemed to agitate him all the more. He struggled to rise, his efforts made awkward and nearly futile in his horribly ragged condition, forcing Rey to press her hand against his shoulder in an effort to get him to lay still. It was only then that he finally managed to lift his eyes to her face. And, abruptly, all the fight went out of him. He fell back, limp against the grass, weary and utterly spent. But his eyes lingered on Rey, welling with deep emotion she couldn’t comprehend for only an instant before they rolled into the back of his head and he fell into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, my dear darling wonderful readers for joining me on this journey! Please leave a comment and let me know what you think. This chapter is where things start to get interesting!
> 
> If you're enjoying my writing, please check out my other fics if you haven't already done so, and recommend me to any of your Reylo friends. I would really appreciate anything you can do to help get the word out about my stories!!!
> 
> And, as a little side note: Nexu are the whitish feline-like creatures from the Geonosis scene in the prequel trilogy, the one where they try (and fail miserably!) to execute Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padme. The nexu is the one that scratched Padme across the back. And the planet that nexu are from is called (drumroll please...) Cholganna! (Wookieepedia is truly a remarkable resource!)
> 
> So... Does anyone have any guesses as to who the mysterious man in the jungle could be???


	5. Hidden Objectives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey both strategize their plans regarding each other.

Ben tried again and again to thrust the feline predator away from him, to make it docile, to put it to sleep, or even to explode its heart, but nothing worked. His flesh already shredded, his lightsaber beyond his reach, and the Force unresponsive to his calls, he knew he was dead. And he thought of Aileen and Declan, wondering if they would ever know what had happened to him, another parent lost…

“No!”

Ben thrashed his way to consciousness, his arms and legs warding off the vicious creature that threatened his life only to realize two things simultaneously: that his attacker was gone, and that he was strapped down where he lay. Frowning and blinking in confusion, he tugged experimentally at the restraints, struggling to recall where he was and what had happened. And he gasped aloud when he finally remembered he’d seen her face.

Redoubling his efforts, Ben fought against the rising desperation, forcing himself toward calm for a moment as he attempted to access the Force again. As before in the jungle, the energy that had always responded so readily to his call throughout the entirety of his life eluded him, and the bindings securing him in place remained fast. He struggled harder, jerking and pulling at the straps, grunting with simultaneous exhaustion and rage as he was thwarted by strips of sturdy webbing. But he had seen her, had heard her voice. And there was nothing in the galaxy that would stop him from reaching her.

“Stop!” her voice came to him with evident irritation. “You’ll reopen your wounds.”

Ben stilled instantly, his eyes scanning the unfamiliar space. It was dim, but not dark by any means, light spilling in from an open doorway off to his left. His head craned in every direction he could manage, searching for her but not finding her.

“Where are you?” he rasped, continuing to fight for his freedom so he could find her.

“Stop struggling,” she insisted. “You’re only hurting yourself.”

“Can you not reach me?”

“Just lay still! You need to rest!”

“Not until I see you!”

When she didn’t answer, Ben growled out his frustration and yanked even harder at the bindings that had yet to give in the least. Twisting himself to the side, he tried to reach the strap about his wrist with his teeth, but he wasn’t even close. He slammed his head back down onto the restraining table with a cry of frustration and that was when she appeared.

“Alright,” she said hastily, emerging from the light beyond the doorway, her hands extended in a placating gesture. “Alright, I’m here. Just…calm down. Please.”

She was there, standing before him, whole and well. She had somehow pulled him through the unseen barrier that had concealed her, saving his life in the process. Caught unawares and without access to the Force, the creature had prepared its killing strike. Of that, Ben had no doubt. But she had saved him. _Rey_ had come for him, when he most needed her. And it was too much for his traumatized mind to handle, leaving him capable only of staring in abject wonder and amazement at his long-lost and now-found wife.

“Who are you?”

Her words struck him with all the subtlety of a Star Destroyer, rendering him completely incapable of rational thought. Horror and dismay stole through his consciousness, his mind reeling in desperation for some alternative explanation for her question.

“I said, who are you?”

Her face was stern, her tone harsh, and Ben blinked several times, shaking his head in order to get it working properly again.

“I… You…” he stammered through a strained voice, hampered by his physical condition. “You don’t know me?”

She sighed, angry and frustrated, and fixed him with a stern glare.

“I saved your life, but there are limits to my patience. You would do well to answer my question. Who are you?”

In an instant, Ben realized one of two possibilities was at work here. The first was one he had hypothesized long ago as a possible explanation for why she had failed to contact either him in all this time. Given her strength in the Force and her dedication to those she loved, Ben had found it difficult to believe Rey would never in all of six years have found a means of escape, even if only temporarily enough to reach out to him through their bond. One of the few explanations he’d found plausible was that her memory had been altered. Under such circumstances, her priority in establishing contact with her family would certainly be negligible, not to mention perhaps even her interest in gaining her freedom in the first place.

The other possibility was that she knew exactly who he was, though her question attempted to make it seem otherwise. He had no idea what her circumstances were here. He knew there was some sort of energy field that had obscured her presence, but he didn’t know who else was here with her. He didn’t know who was watching this very conversation, and he had no clue what the repercussions were for her, should it be found out that she had indeed recognized her husband.

In either case, her safety could not be improved by him thwarting her efforts. Ben briefly considered answering with a falsehood, just in case her captors weren’t already fully aware of his identity. But he also recognized that, the more falsehoods he submitted, the harder it would be to keep track of them all. No, he quickly decided, he would only lie when he absolutely must.

“Ben Solo,” he answered at last, stifling a spear of disappointment when she provided absolutely zero reaction to the name.

“And what are you doing here, Ben Solo?”

“I’m searching for my missing wife.”

This actually startled her, and she blinked several times in reaction. He watched as she hesitated, an expression of curiosity tingeing her gaze as she clearly strove to regain her footing. After a moment, she cleared her throat and continued her interrogation.

“How did you find this place?”

“I was scanning the area for settlements this morning when a shuttle appeared out of nowhere. But after the shuttle had gone, there was nothing on my scans again, even though I knew that couldn’t be right. That shuttle had to have come from somewhere, so I decided to investigate.”

“Who was on the shuttle?”

Ben gave her an irritated look, which she seemed to have anticipated, if the lone raised eyebrow was any indication.

“How should I know?” he grumbled.

“And who am I?” she fired back, ignoring his belligerent tone.

Ben opened his mouth to answer but then promptly shut it. He knew exactly who she was, of course, but he still didn’t have enough information regarding whether or not it was safe to reveal that. As he debated the pros and cons of each option, he felt a wave of fatigue surge over him. It wasn’t until he opened his eyes that he realized he had been on the verge of passing out. Feeling the stinging prick of his injuries all over, he reminded himself of what he’d been through, only now realizing that she or someone must have patched him up. And, as she’d predicted, his battle with the restraints hadn’t done his healing wounds any favors.

“I’m sorry, Ben,” she murmured, interrupting his thoughts delicately. “I know you’re exhausted. But I need to understand how you’ve come to be here.”

“It was just…luck,” he answered sincerely. “The shuttle caught my attention, so I came to check it out. That’s all.”

“And you don’t know who I am?”

Uncertainly, Ben shook his head.

“And you don’t know who my husband is?”

It took every measure of Ben’s self-control not to roar and rage at her words, successfully managing to limit his reaction to a firm grunt. _Of course_ , he knew who her husband was. But he was becoming overwhelming suspicious that _she_ didn’t know that. Whoever she believed to be her husband, surely that must be her abductor. And Ben suddenly wanted nothing more than to learn that man’s identity so he could end his existence.

“Is that who was in the shuttle?”

Rather than answer his question, she peered at him closely, as if attempting to penetrate his thoughts.

“It was an Imperial ship,” he commented, not entirely successful in suppressing his displeasure. “Does that mean he’s an officer of the Empire?”

“Are you here alone, Ben?” she asked abruptly, pointedly ignoring his observation and question.

“Yes,” he sighed after quickly finding he no longer had the strength to maintain a defiant front.

“How long before anyone comes looking for you?”

His eyes narrowed on her. “Not for awhile,” he answered slowly. “Why are you asking these questions?”

“I need to understand if my safety has been compromised. And I’m trying to determine how long I have to figure out what to do with you.”

“What to _do_ with me…?” he echoed uncertainly, glancing down at the restraints that held him in place. “What are your options?”

“I— I don’t know.”

He frowned, noting the way her gaze averted and her fingers wrung together—signs of anxiety. But before he could inquire, she surprised him with a new tack.

“How long has your wife been missing?”

“Six years,” he answered automatically.

His mind was still reeling from the change in topic, but he noted the swift adjustment in her expression, one that could only be characterized as sympathy.

“So long…” she murmured. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” he answered truthfully. “I suspect she was abducted, but I’ve never been able to confirm that.”

She nodded then bowed her head, her gaze fixed upon her fingers, which continued to clench and wring against each other. Ben got the distinct impression she was trying hard to reign in her curiosity. And, with her next question, Ben suspected she had failed in that quest.

“Does she— Do you… Do you have children?”

Ben frowned, watching her closely, desperately wishing he could understand what was going through her mind as she studiously avoided meeting his gaze. He felt so profoundly confused.

“Yes,” he answered sadly. “Twins. But she disappeared when they were only two. They hardly remember her.”

Startled out of her resolve, her gaze flickered up to meet his for an instant before averting once again. He noted the sadness in her expression, though somehow it seemed…distant. He couldn’t quite comprehend exactly what he was witnessing.

“What are their names?”

Her voice was so soft now that Ben wouldn’t have been able to understand her question had it not been such a predictable one. He watched closely as he provided her with Declan and Aileen’s names, alert for any hint of recognition. There wasn’t any, though. More sadness and sympathy, but no direct connection with her children’s names that he could discern.

“Do you have children?”

Though spoken with utmost tenderness, his words caused her body to jerk as though physically struck. Flushing deeply, she turned her face aside, the anxiety he had noticed previously suddenly heightened.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “You need rest. I’ll come back— I’m sorry.”

Her words fumbled over each other as she hastily extricated herself from the room. Disturbed, Ben watched her leave, wishing he understood what was going through her mind, frustrated that he didn’t have their Force bond to rely upon in that regard.

Restrained and weakened by his attack in the jungle, Ben forced himself to recognize there wasn’t much he could do at the moment. He still had no sense of just what her circumstances were, only that she had some measure of concern regarding her own safety…and her _husband’s_.

The fury that consumed his being at learning that someone had maliciously usurped his role in her mind was staggering, not only in its magnitude, but also for the sense of nostalgia it surprisingly engendered in him. It had been many years, indeed, not since his previous life as Kylo Ren that he had felt such all-consuming rage, along with the attendant desire to utterly destroy who- or what-ever had caused the circumstances that enraged him. This _husband_ of hers would answer for his crimes against her mind and, should his violations prove as nefarious as he suspected, he would pay in the currency of pain and death.

But first, he needed his strength back, not to mention a strategy.

Forcing himself to acknowledge the limitations of his battered body, Ben closed his eyes, vowing to himself that he would gain more answers the next time he spoke with her.

 

*****

 

Rey hurried away from the medbay, putting as much space as she could between herself and Ben Solo before breaking down. Although she had originally intended her interrogation to be much more anonymous, delivered whilst safely obscured in the adjacent room, the questions she’d asked had been very deliberate. She had needed to get answers from him regarding his purposes on this planet in order to acquire a baseline against which to compare their future conversations. If the details aligned over various days and discussions, then she could be reasonably assured they were true. And if his answers were true, then it seemed there was no need for her to worry for her safety on account of him.

What hadn’t been intentional, though, was her reaction to his answers.

The devotion evidenced by his six-year search for his missing wife was quite moving and, though she had tried to divert her curiosity away from that track, entirely compelling. But what had really gotten to her was the wholly evident love and sadness with which he spoke of his motherless children. Though he couldn’t possibly know it, the first thought that had crossed her mind was that she—who couldn’t have children of her own—could happily serve as mother to them. She had no idea where that thought had come from, but it had affected her profoundly.

By the time she reached her bedroom, she had wrangled the threatening tears back under control. But the imminent weeping, though thwarted, had brought her mood quite low. Reminded of her failures at procreation, Rey found her thoughts drifting toward Armie.

How ironic that her husband’s departing shuttle had exposed her to the very intrusion he had always feared. So far, it seemed that his worries about enemies who would not hesitate to harm her in order to strike at him had not come to fruition in this case. Of course, Rey was grateful for the constant voice of caution in her head that took on the tones of Armie’s voice. She was being very careful, ascertaining Ben’s motives as well as she could and keeping him restrained until such time as she could assure herself that he meant her no harm. In the meantime, though, it was just nice to have someone to talk to, even if it was more of an interrogation than a conversation. She hadn’t realized just how lonely she’d been all this time and, now that there was some break in the stifling ennui of her life, she found she was eager to return to the medbay and the conversation to be had there.

After washing up and changing her clothes, Rey made her way through the house, back toward Ben. As she walked, it occurred to her that she should inform Armie of her visitor…though, of course, she had no way of doing so. Couching it in terms of her safety and the need to ensure their communication could not be overheard or intercepted, Armie had always mandated that the sole comm link in this domed shelter of hers should be unidirectional. That meant, while Rey was not able to make any outgoing contacts, her husband could reach her whenever he wished, thereby giving him control over his surroundings when they spoke.

Armie was a very important and very busy man. Although, at times, Rey did feel inclined to complain that she was never afforded the same level of access to him as he had to her, she also recognized that it meant the advantage of having his full, undivided attention whenever he was able to spare time for her. Of course, over the years, it seemed the frequency of that occurrence had diminished. By her reckoning, seeing as he had just departed that morning, it would be at least five days before she could tell her husband about the intruder to her sanctuary. As much as that delay disturbed her, there was nothing to be done for it. There was no way to reach out to Armie—which had never before seemed more profound a miscalculation—and no way to gain his guidance. She was on her own and she would do the best she could to make her husband proud.

Until she had reached some level of assurance that Ben Solo was not one of her husband’s enemies who would as soon murder her as look at her, he would remain restrained. In hindsight, she was grateful that she’d thought to do that while he was unconscious, seeing as how it would probably have proven entirely beyond her capabilities to achieve that while he was awake. He was, after all, a huge man. She’d had to be creative in her use of various droids to get him moved from the shield to the house and into the medbed. And tending to his wounds had been a trying experience as well, considering her anxiety over him waking at any moment and revealing his intent to viciously attack her.

Probably Armie, once he learned of the goings-on here, would chastise her for not having left him in the jungle to die. But Rey knew her own mind and knew she wouldn’t have been able to live with herself after committing such a crime of neglect. His death by nexu would have been utterly on her shoulders, and _she_ would have had to live with that, _not_ Armie. So, as far as she was concerned, Armie could chastise her all he wanted, but she’d done the right thing. Of course, remembering that when she was in the midst of his chastisement would be something else entirely. Suddenly, she was quite relieved she would have at least five days’ grace before having to deal with her husband’s reaction.

It did raise the question, though, of what to do until then. First and foremost was to ascertain Ben’s intent. Already well underway, her plan there would take at least another day to follow through to fruition. If he was able to pass her inspection, she would allow him to stay until he was sufficiently healed, then guide him back through the barrier so he could be on his way. If not, he would simply stay restrained in the medbay until Armie could return to deal with him as he saw fit.

Willfully, Rey ignored two nagging points in her plan, one concerning Ben’s bodily functions and needs should a longer term incarceration become necessary. That was simply an obstacle she would deal with if and when the need arose. Secondly, she conveniently ignored the voice asking her why, should he prove benign, she should wait any amount of time at all before sending him on his way. Surely it couldn’t be because she liked the thought of having him around…

Having reached the medbay, Rey carefully peeked around the corner, aiming for complete silence as she did. When at last she was able to discern Ben Solo laying there, strapped to the medbed, she found he had indeed fallen asleep. Rey nodded in satisfaction, knowing rest was invaluable to the healing process at this point. Surprisingly, given the attack he had sustained, his wounds had been manageable. She had applied bacta patches to the worst of the jagged wounds and a topical disinfectant to the rest, leaving them to heal naturally. Thanks to the high-grade bacta in which Armie kept her well-stocked, Rey estimated he would be back to full strength within only a few days, and back to normal within a week…

…only to be tossed back out into the jungle to fend for himself without a weapon.

Rey sighed deeply at the thought. Retreating from the medbay before inadvertently disturbing Ben’s rest, she thought for the first time of that strange weapon she had seen him wielding against the nexu. She knew for a fact that he had no other weapons on him, and she herself had never had need of one within the infallible shelter of her shield, so she didn’t have any either. Sending him out into the jungle without any weapon was tantamount to execution. There was no way he could survive any significant distance, and she had no idea how far away his transportation was.

No, there was nothing else for it. He would require his weapon.

Making her way to the kitchen, Rey took her time remedying the mess she’d made in her hasty quest for the shield bracelet. She used the time required for the clean up to steel herself for the task ahead. When at last she had retrieved the last random bit of household junk from the kitchen floor and tucked it haphazardly back into the drawer, her heart was beating heavy and frantic in her chest. She could do this. There was no reason to suspect the nexu would be hanging around. In fact, with the injury Ben had dealt it, she was quite certain it would have retreated by now. As for finding the weapon in the thick jungle foliage… Well, there was at least no harm in checking the situation out.

Between saving Ben’s life, lugging him back to the house, treating his wounds, and waiting for him to regain consciousness, the sun had long since set. But the twin dancing moons emitted their substantial light, casting an eerie glow through the jungle as well as Rey’s sanctuary that was actually quite entrancing.

At the barrier, Rey willed herself to ignore the disconcerting sensation its energy sent though her body as she peered carefully beyond. At first, all she saw were dark stains of blood, and lots of it. The decapitated nexu lay further back in the foliage and, even from this distance, she could see that its body had been ravaged and cannibalized, although the head was untouched. Both for her own safety and out of preference for retaining the contents of her stomach _in_ her stomach, Rey quickly decided that she wouldn’t go that far out into the jungle for this fool’s errand, but then she spotted what she was searching for and realized she wouldn’t have to. Taking an extended moment to observe the jungle intently, she perceived no motion that she couldn’t attribute to the wind. Steeling her nerves, she took her preliminary observations a step further and, scrunching her face against the discomfort, poked her head out through the barrier.

The sounds of the jungle suddenly sprung to life in her ears. Greenery rustling in the wind, countless insects contributing to a cacophony of life, the distant cry of a bird, but no shifting branches or nexu roars. After another moment in which Rey reminded herself of how quickly she could duck back inside the barrier if need be, instantly protecting her from any harm, her eyes slipped down to the object of her focus.

The strange weapon lay inert in the earth, glinting in the moonlight, clearly having lain undisturbed since its wielder dropped it there. It was about two, maybe three hands long with alternating bands of black and silver swirling about its length. It looked like there might be some weight to it, and Rey prepared herself for a distinct heaviness, instinct telling her not to be caught off guard by that possibility. She could reach it in five or six strides, no more than seven, which would surely give her plenty of time to return to the safety of the dome before anything could respond to her presence. The question, of course, was should she attempt it as quick as possible, noise be damned, or would a slow and stealthy approach be safer?

Actually, no, she was fooling herself. The _real_ question was _why should she care_?

Tucking her head back inside the dome, Rey frowned at herself. Why should she risk her life to retrieve this thing? Why should it matter? He was the one who’d dropped it, so he could be the one to risk his life just to get it back. Right? Right. But, as she stared at it, noting the utter absence of any movement whatsoever, she knew her conscience would not allow her to rest until she did this. Why, she couldn’t explain, but she didn’t doubt it in the least. And, so, after sticking her head out for one last listen, she stepped foot outside of her protective shield and into the wild jungle for the first time in years.

Almost immediately, her foot slipped in the blood— _his_ blood—that coated the jungle floor. Taking this as a sign she should proceed with caution rather than speed, Rey moved carefully and deliberately toward the weapon. Her head on a swivel and her ears strained to alertness, she reached it without incident. Bending down to wrap her hand about its girth, she somehow sensed a latent energy within it, like a thrumming between her fingers. Impatiently, she yanked her mind away from that thought and turned to make her way just as carefully back the way she had come. It was highly disconcerting to turn about and find nothing before her but endless jungle, but she knew it to be a ruse. Just a few strides ahead of her, despite all appearances to the contrary, lay safety. But, even though she knew that without any doubt, she nevertheless breathed a sigh of relief when the sickly sensation closed over her body and the night sounds of the jungle abruptly cut off.

Safe within the barrier once again and without incident, Rey dropped to her knees, breathing deeply in relief and willing her heart rate to return to a more suitable tempo. As soon as she could breathe unrestricted, she rose, eager to move away from the energy shield and its unpleasant sensations. Walking slowly with no particular destination in mind, she studied the weapon in her hand. It was long, thick, and heavy. Although she spotted the switch that would activate the glowing blade she’d seen, she deliberately declined to do so. Nevertheless, it struck her as an awkward and unwieldy weapon, despite that Ben clearly bore some skill in its use. On sudden inspiration, she determined to keep her possession of this weapon to herself. Should he prove hostile to her, it would only behoove her to allow him to believe it had been lost to the jungle. And, should he prove himself benign, he would have no need of it until it was time to leave her sanctuary anyway.

At a sudden grumbling in her stomach, Rey realized she had missed her evening meal by several hours. Quickly deciding to head toward the kitchen where the droids would have automatically kept the meal warm for her, she also decided she would prepare two servings. Maybe Ben was awake and ready for another conversation.

At least, with growing anticipation, she realized she hoped so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that first conversation went better than expected, right? If you're feeling disappointed and wondering, "Hey! Where's the *ANGST*?!?!" don't worry... It's coming!
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! Please comment with your thoughts: good, bad, or otherwise.
> 
> And Happy Mother's Day!!!


	6. A Cursed Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey learn more about each other and about their respective sorrows.

Ben sat up at the sound of the lock disengaging, though he was not entirely successful at withholding the smile from his face as Rey entered. It had been three days now and, while she had relented on the matter of his restraints, he was still confined to the medbay. Nevertheless, she had come to sit and talk with him several times each day, always beginning with a series of questions whose purpose Ben had quickly divined. Feeling impatient to move things along today, Ben began speaking the moment she stepped into view.

“My name is Ben Solo, my children are Declan and Aileen, I’m searching for my missing wife, I found you thanks to a departing Imperial shuttle, my own shuttle is about two hours’ walk away, the only weapon I brought with me is lost in the jungle, no one is likely to come looking for me for at least a fortnight, your name is Rey, and I don’t know who you’re married to.”

Having come to an abrupt halt upon the commencement of his speech, Rey stood holding a tray of food and staring at Ben with an expression of surprise mingled with dismay on her face.

“Did I miss anything?” Ben asked in good humor as she continued to stare silently.

“Have I been that obvious?”

“That you’re attempting to catch me in a lie…? No, Rey, not obvious at all. And, by the way, _that_ was a lie.”

She sighed, clearly disappointed in her lack of subtlety, and finally moved to set the tray down on the desk at her side.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured softly. “I’m only—”

“Rey… My being here is purely by chance, and I have no interest in harming you in any way. I understand your caution, but it really is not necessary. Not with me, anyway. I wish I knew some way to help you understand that.”

She took a deep breath and answered, “I know. You’ve been very patient with me and I truly don’t believe you mean me any harm. It’s just… I have my husband’s voice in my head and it’s very difficult to ignore.”

As he did every time she mentioned this mysterious _husband_ of hers, Ben had to bite his tongue quite literally, using the pain to vent his ire so that he could maintain an outward appearance of equilibrium. For her, it was just a blithe comment, but for him, it was cause for a murderous rage that devoured every ounce of self-control he possessed. He would discover this _husband’s_ identity eventually, and Ben would exact his vengeance for the entirety of the pain and anguish that loathsome malefactor had caused her, him, their children, and their friends over the past six years of their lives. Until then, though, he had other concerns.

“Are you trying to wait until he comes back?” Ben asked, genuinely attempting to understand her rationale for keeping him locked up if she really did trust him.

“No,” she answered readily but with a measure of annoyance in her voice. “He won’t be back for at least a couple months.”

Ben frowned. “He leaves you for that long?”

The panic tingeing Rey’s expression as she met his gaze revealed much to Ben. From what little she’d mentioned of this man over the past few days, he had gotten the impression that she found him to be an entirely devoted and exceptional husband. Now, with this one slip, she had revealed the truth: that things were not so perfect in her false marriage as she attempted to make them seem. While it gave him some sense of satisfaction, it also pained his heart to watch her as she attempted to make excuses for her abductor.

“He’s very busy and can’t manage as much time away as he would like.”

Ben eyed her a moment longer, while she awkwardly avoided his gaze. It hurt his heart to see how this bastard had hurt her. He wanted to know more, to start piecing together the bits of information that would lead him to an identification, but he also didn’t want her to dwell on her misery. So, rather than pursue the issue, he took pity on her and moved on.

“So, if not his return, what are you trying to wait for before letting me out of here, then?”

Having been alerted to the potential for negative implications of her _husband’s_ habits, Rey was suddenly much more reluctant to admit the truth. Given her behavior until now, Ben would have guessed she would maintain a stoic silence rather than provide him any further ammunition against her clearly deficient spouse. Therefore, he was surprised and not at all certain what actually motivated her answer.

“For him to comm me,” she admitted in a small voice.

Ben narrowed his eyes, immediately catching the fact that Ben had already been here for three days and she had yet to hear from him.

“How long is that likely to take?”

“Any day now…?”

Ben fumed, not having any idea how to handle the myriad and conflicting emotions that flooded through him as he watched her admit that this man who supposedly loved and cared for her couldn’t be bothered to even let her know when he might contact her. As she shuffled her feet and fidgeted with her fingers, he recognized the damage that had been done to her self-confidence, the message having been received loud and clear that she wasn’t worth this man’s courtesy, attention, and time. It was a strange mixture of reactions, ranging from sorrow for the mistreatment she had endured, to rage directed at the man who had subjected her to it.

Turning his back on her, Ben valiantly suppressed the emotions consuming his mind. Every muscle in his body tensed and he felt the explosion inside him that had once led him to destroy First Order property on multiple occasions. It had been a long time now since he’d felt such overwhelming emotion, and he desperately longed to succumb to those destructive impulses now.

Ironically, it was Rey’s influence that pulled him back from the edge, the memory of her faith in him providing the strength to reign it in and suppress the fury before it could burst forth. Having drawn no weapon, abused nothing but his own flesh, and uttered no sound beyond a pained grunt, Ben emerged from the blinding haze of anger and found his equilibrium once more.

Taking a slow, deep breath, he turned back toward Rey to find her watching him closely. Feeling more stable if not actually _better_ , he reminded himself of his path. Though he longed to carry her from this vile place and protect her from all the ills of the galaxy, he knew he must discover what he was up against before he could do so with any measure of effectiveness. So, as much as he wanted to maim and destroy for her, it was also for her that he fixed a benign expression on his face and pretended all was well.

“Are you alright?” she asked, and Ben attempted to ignore the concern he heard in her voice.

“A little…uncomfortable,” he answered, gesturing toward his back as an excuse for his odd behavior.

She frowned. “It feels worse? Do you want me to check it for you?”

He shook his head, annoyed that his ruse had backfired and caused her unnecessary concern.

“I’m more hungry than anything,” he deflected, glancing toward the meal she had brought.

But, rather than turning toward the food, she studied him silently a moment longer before evidently reaching some sort of decision. Turning at last to the tray, she surprised him by lifting it from the desk then stepping toward the door.

“This way,” she said blithely, as if it was not an entirely momentous occurrence that she was guiding him beyond the confines of his prison.

Ben studied his surroundings as she led him through the building. It was a house not all that unlike the one he shared with his extended family back on Naboo, though perhaps a bit more spacious. It was comfortable and well-appointed, but also very empty. The silence of the place struck Ben as oppressive, and he suddenly suspected she was here entirely alone. His heart constricted for her, knowing the anguish she had endured throughout her entire, isolated childhood on Jakku. That she was subjected to such loneliness yet again, even though she clearly couldn’t remember the first occurrence, made his heart weep for her.

When he felt thoughts of blame edge their way toward his consciousness, though, he pushed them back. He was well aware that her _husband_ had subjected her to this torture of solitude, but he’d dealt with his overpowering fury once; he didn’t need to do it again. He would have his opportunity to right those wrongs, he knew, and he could be patient for that day. For now, all that mattered was Rey.

At last, Rey came to a stop on the wide porch that spanned one side of the house. She turned to him with a smile, and Ben felt his heart seize with adoration for this remarkable, resilient woman he had fallen in love with so long ago. Self-consciously aware of his face’s damnable transparency when it came to his private thoughts, he tore his eyes from Rey’s smile.

The porch was white and pristine, graced with small pieces of comfy-looking furniture. Three steps led down to an expansive field of lush grass that appeared far softer than grass had any right to be. Beyond, the jungle pressed against the barrier that held it at bay, creating a rigid demarcation between Rey’s home and the jungle’s domain. Scanning to the right and left, he saw enough of the energy structure to recognize that it extended entirely around and over the house, creating a dome of impenetrable shielding. Having come across this barrier quite unexpectedly from the opposite side, he knew that, not only was it invisible, but it deceived the eye into believing the jungle continued uninterrupted. It presented a remarkable effect, and Ben knew without a doubt that the Force had been involved in its creation. Precisely how, though, he couldn’t begin to explain.

“I often enjoy taking my evening meals here,” Rey commented, drawing his attention back to her as she settled herself into a chair and reached for one of the bowls on the tray.

Ben followed her lead, taking a few bites of a mildly spicy dish he didn’t recognize before commenting on the obvious.

“You’ve decided to trust me, then?”

“I suppose I have,” she answered with a little shrug.

They ate in companionable silence for a time, Ben trying not to stare at Rey and instead focus out toward the grassy field and the jungle beyond. Once the edge of his hunger had been satiated, he gestured into the air with his fork.

“What exactly is this place, Rey?”

The question seemed to give her pause, as though she wasn’t entirely sure of the answer herself.

“Well,” she began tentatively, setting her fork down in her bowl and gazing out toward the barrier in question, “nothing gets through the energy shield, you may have noticed. Even sound and air. It’s very effective protection.”

Ben grunted. It protected her from the dangers of the jungle, yes, but he suspected whoever put her here had a very different function in mind as its primary purpose.

“How did I get in here, then?” he asked quickly before she could comment on his reaction.

“I have a bracelet that allows me or anything I touch to get through it.”

“So you can leave anytime you want?”

“Of course,” she answered with an easy smile. “I’m not a prisoner here, Ben.”

Thinking of the beasts in the jungle, two of which had almost done him in, he was inclined to disagree with her assessment.

“Do you have any transportation? A shuttle or a speeder or anything like that? To get you through the jungle if you need to leave?”

She seemed uncomfortable with the question, but nevertheless forced a smile as she answered flippantly, “Why would I ever need to leave? I have everything I need here.”

Taking that to mean, no, she didn’t have a safe means of getting through the jungle, Ben held his tongue yet again. It had initially struck him as a little odd that she should have a way of getting through the shield, but now he saw that there was little threat of her escape. After all, the jungle was just as effective a barrier as the shield. Someone had gone to a lot of trouble to imprison her in a way that enabled her to believe she wasn’t a prisoner.

“How long have you been here, Rey?”

“As long as I can remember.”

The answer startled him and Ben frowned deeply. Amused by his reaction, Rey smiled at his confusion then explained amicably.

“I had an accident a few years back and was in a coma. While I was asleep, my husband built this shelter for me and I woke up here. Unfortunately, I don’t remember anything from before that.”

Ben stared. Over the past days, he had come to recognize that she had no memory of him, but he hadn’t imagined that she would be _aware_ of her own lack of memory. In his limited experience with altered memories, there was always a replacement, some general sense of the stolen time, one that often failed to live up to detailed scrutiny. But he’d never heard of a subject’s awareness of the lack of memory, awareness being the first key toward reversing the effect.

“You don’t know anything about your background?”

“I didn’t say that,” she answered lightly, setting aside her bowl.

“But you just said—”

“I don’t remember it, but I know where I come from. I was born on Coruscant and I joined the First Order as soon as I was able.”

Ben’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “You were in the First Order?”

“Mm-hmm, I served on the Finalizer,” she said proudly, only surprising Ben all the more.

“What? When? Where?”

“I was a communications officer on the bridge, right at the end. I served under Kylo Ren.”

Shaken, Ben put his bowl down and stood, wandering toward the railing to look out over the grass. He couldn’t say what he had expected to hear as far as her manufactured history was concerned, but it certainly wasn’t this. With a sense of dread, he asked his next question.

“What was the accident?”

Rey sighed deeply then stood abruptly.

“I don’t want to talk about that,” she announced as she came to stand beside him. “Alright, you’ve had your food. Let me check your back.”

“You don’t need to,” he objected quickly. “It’s fine.”

“Don’t be a baby,” she admonished. “You looked like you were in so much pain you were ready to kill just a little bit ago. Come sit down. Let me look.”

Ben sighed heavily while acknowledging that her assessment was surprisingly accurate, although the cause of his pain had certainly not been what she thought.

Reluctantly, he allowed her to lead him back to the furniture, this time settling on a bench that would give her ready access to his back. Raising his arms as she lifted the shirt from his back, he only winced a little at the stiffness in his left shoulder where the beast had dug its teeth in. She had taken good care of his injuries since his arrival, but most of them were manageable on his own now. Only his back still needed attention from her, both due to the severity of the wounds there and his inability to reach them.

But, as his wounds healed and he became less concerned with the pain or possible lasting damage, he simultaneously became more attentive to the trailing of her fingers over his skin and memories of different contexts for the same sensation. Consequently, it was becoming more and more difficult to keep his mind from sliding off into inappropriate territory. He tried to concentrate on the sensation of her peeling back bandages and bacta patches from his skin to take a look at the wounds beneath, but that endeavor became impossible when she didn’t adhere to the task at hand either.

“Why do you have so many scars, Ben?” she murmured as her fingers lightly stroked a stretch of skin where he damn well knew there were no bandages.

“I’ve lived a tough life,” he answered flippantly, aiming for nonchalance though suspecting the tension in his voice was quite obvious.

“But not lately?”

He turned his face toward her, eyeing her over his shoulder. “What?”

“Other than the nexu, none of these are recent.”

“No,” he confirmed, turning away from her once more. “I’ve done more hiding than fighting in the last few years.”

“Hiding?” she echoed with surprise in her voice. “From what?”

Ben hesitated. The simple answer was _The Empire_ , but, given her ties to that very entity, it didn’t seem particularly wise to share that information. Ultimately, hopefully, it wouldn’t be an issue once Rey regained her memories, but, until then, she was an unknown quantity. If she learned of his history as Kylo Ren and his current status as a fugitive from her _husband’s_ employer, he wasn’t at all certain what she would do with that information.

“Nexu?” he asked abruptly, avoiding the matter altogether. “That’s what attacked me?”

“Yes. They’re known for being very vicious.”

Having experienced that reputation first hand, Ben had nothing new to add to the observation. He felt his breath suspend suddenly as her fingers brushed against his shoulder blade, and he focused on the pull at his skin as she peeled back yet another patch. Her sharp intake of breath had him lifting his head quickly, though.

“This one doesn’t look so good,” she muttered by way of explanation. “Does that hurt?” she added, pressing her hand alongside the wound.

It did, but it also felt divinely wonderful, her hand pressing against him. Closing his eyes against the sudden pressure surging low in his body, he ground out a harsh _yes_ in response to her question.

“It may be infected. We’ll have to keep an eye on that one. Let me check the rest, then I’ll get you a fresh bacta patch.”

He nodded his acquiescence and breathed carefully as he calculated how much longer he had to endure her ministrations. There were at least four more bandages, so he was suddenly grateful she hadn’t tried to tend to his back while standing at the porch railing. It was much easier to disguise and manage certain reactions to her touch whilst sitting hunched atop this low bench.

“That one might leave you a nice new scar for your collection,” she remarked as she continued her perusal of his wounds. “Do you recall receiving many of them?”

“The worst ones, yes.”

“I bet this one has a really interesting story,” she commented softly, and Ben reacted instantly.

Her arm was looped over his shoulder, circling him from behind so her fingers could brush against the scar that traced the length of his neck. Startled by the contact, his hand rose swiftly to grip hers, pressing it against the scar she herself had carved into his flesh using his grandfather’s lightsaber all those years ago on Starkiller Base.

He closed his eyes, his heart thudding heavily and his breathing shallow and erratic as he pictured the many times he’d stared in the mirror at the scar that extended up onto his face and down across his clavicle and onto his chest. He’d obsessed over the mark she’d left him, both before he truly understood the extent of the bond between them, and after he’d known exactly what he’d lost.

Belatedly perceiving her startled gasp behind him, he forced his hand down, releasing her.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered awkwardly. “That one’s…sensitive.”

She didn’t speak, only resumed her inspection of his wounds with focused attention, but he sensed through the careful delicacy of her fingers at his back that she was shaken by his reaction. For reasons he didn’t entirely understand and would stringently question later, he found himself explaining.

“My wife gave me that scar.”

Her fingers instantly stilled midway through pulling a bandage back. Hovering for a suspended moment, she resumed the process before speaking.

“That really _must_ be some story,” she murmured gently.

Ben closed his eyes, telling himself to simply keep quiet, that rehashing the details of his history with this woman who couldn’t remember him simply was not worth the emotional trauma. But, try though he might to convince himself of its folly, he simply couldn’t seem to help himself.

“We fought on opposite sides of the war,” he said by way of explanation. “Actually, several of my worst scars are from her.”

She was silent for a time, as if attempting to respect his privacy. But, like him, she soon gave into her perhaps less-than-wise impulses.

“Does she have scars too?” she asked timidly, her fingers moving ever more slowly in their inspection.

“From the war,” he answered, nodding, “but not from me.”

“She’s that much a better fighter than you?”

Ben chuckled softly. “She would say so, yes. But it’s really that I knew there was something more in her from the start. She thought I fought her, but I was really just trying to survive her.”

He fell silent, it having been a long, long time since he’d thought about these matters. The truth from his perspective echoed in his mind, bearing fresh poignancy given the current state of their circumstances. Here she was, the very object of his affection and devotion, enduring variations on the same tortures she had already beaten once in her life, and all because he’d been so foolish as to trust they were safer than they actually were.

“I never wanted to hurt her.”

Ben’s head bowed forward, his chin pressing to his chest as he succumbed to his misery. Although, surprisingly, the tears that usually accompanied his depressions did not come, he felt the agonized squeezing in his heart that let him know he would still do anything for her. With a trembling, shaky sigh, he desperately wished he knew the best way through these treacherous waters in which he found them both.

After an interminable silence, Rey rose to her feet and retrieved his shirt for him. Accepting the silent instruction, he pulled it over his head, careful neither to snag the bandages nor to tweak his sore shoulder too much. Once the task was accomplished, however, he was surprised to find Rey standing at his side, her hand extended down toward him.

“Come with me,” she murmured softly. “I want to show you something.”

Both intrigued and alarmed, Ben accepted her invitation, placing his hand in hers. Rising, he followed her down the porch steps and onto the soft grass. Having followed her example of going barefoot most of the time, he found the grass to be every bit as soft against his skin as it had appeared. Night had fallen over the jungle and the unnatural field beneath the domed energy shield, bathing both in silvery light that cast everything in a magical glow. Though desperately tempted, he refused his impulse to steal a glance at Rey, suspecting his beleaguered heart could not sustain the angst of looking at her in this entrancing light and not kissing her.

The tug of her hand against his surprised him, having forgotten that she was leading him toward something whilst lost in his wandering thoughts. He glanced toward her, his focus falling only to her feet as he felt her crouching down onto the grass beside him. When she tugged again, he followed her lead, first sitting then stretching out on his back, staring up toward the night sky beyond the shimmering surface of the shield.

“You see the two moons?” she asked, her voice reserved, subdued.

Looking up, Ben found he couldn’t miss them. Two orbs of brilliant light, almost but not quite too bright to look at. They were overlapping only the slightest bit, one seeming to take a nip out of the other.

“I don’t know their names,” Rey continued in a murmuring tone. “I don’t even know the name of this planet…”

“Cholganna,” Ben supplied.

He felt more than saw her turn her face toward him, inspecting his profile as he continued to study the moons.

“Cholganna,” she repeated, sampling the name on her lips thoughtfully before turning her attention back to the sky. “The moons orbit each other as they orbit the planet, like an eternal dance, forever together but forever apart. Tonight, they look like they’re together, touching, but they actually aren’t, they’re still apart.”

She fell silent, and Ben continued to watch the slow dance of celestial bodies, mesmerized simply by the sound of her voice. His hand yet remained clasped in hers, and he was afraid to move it, afraid to break the spell of that physical connection between them by drawing attention to it.

“I often imagine them like cursed lovers,” she breathed, her voice hardly a whisper, “doomed to always see one another but never to touch. But, even if they can’t touch, they know the other exists and there’s comfort in that.”

Drawn inexorably by the magnetic pull of her very presence, Ben turned his head toward her, his right cheek caressing the soft grass as he gazed on her face. Serenely beautiful and yet supremely sad, he felt his heart sing and break simultaneously at being able to gaze upon her yet again, and his eyes filled with tears.

“I had to accept a long time ago that no one misses me,” Rey whispered hoarsely, and Ben saw tears well in her eyes too. “Other than my husband, no one knows me from before my coma. No family, no friends… No visitors or even messages. He’s the only one I ever see, and even his visits become fewer and shorter as time goes on. Sometimes it feels like the whole of the galaxy has forgotten me.”

Falling silent for a long interval, her voice was barely audible when at last she admitted, “Sometimes I wonder how much loneliness I can endure before I go mad.”

With a violent shudder that trembled its way through her body, Rey suddenly turned her face toward Ben, fixing him with a forlorn smile through unshed tears.

“But not you, Ben. Not you and your wife. You’re like those moons. You may not be together, but you have each other nevertheless. You know she dances with you even if she’s not here, and she knows the same about you, wherever she is. And that’s a comfort…”

Rey’s voice cracked and broke, and she turned her face entirely away from Ben as emotions overcame her. Listening to her soft sniffles and gasps, Ben felt the dam holding back his own tears crumble, and he wept more freely than he had in a long, long time.

Suddenly, Rey pulled her hand from his and she swiftly rolled away from him, tucking her knees under her to kneel in the grass at his side. For a moment, she stared toward the house that was her home, then she bowed her face into her hands, vigorously rubbing the evidence of her emotion from her cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured with a shuddering breath, appearing for a moment to have regained her composure, but then utterly losing it again.

With a soft sob, she lurched to her feet and ran back to the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, so much sadness between these two... What do you think? A bit too sappy there with the dancing moons story?
> 
> Up next: "A Prison of Whose Making?" Hmm... Does that sound ominous?


	7. A Prison of Whose Making?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gets a call from Hux, and Ben realizes it's time for the truth.

Rey had just finalized the day’s meal plans when the familiar electronic sound startled her into a near panic. Racing to her bedroom, her gaze flickered ceaselessly about every visible crevasse of the house, searching for Ben. He had yet to emerge from his room this morning, and she therefore had no chance to warn him about the comm coming through. Hoping he would take the hint not to intrude, she securely closed and locked her door before lunging for the comms unit she kept on the small table beside her bed. Slapping the appropriate switch, Armie’s image swam into focus before her and only then did it occur to her to be nervous about this conversation.

“Why are you out of breath?” he questioned immediately, rather than offer a greeting.

Stifling her irritation at the lack of courtesy, Rey hurried to explain, “I’ve just run from the kitchen. I was afraid I’d miss your call.”

“Hmm,” he grunted noncommittally. “Do you have everything you need?”

As much as she hated to admit it, their conversations had become very utilitarian things in the past several months, perhaps even as much as a year. Every topic of conversation now centered on her condition and physical needs. They never talked about him, and they _never_ talked about her feelings.

Unbidden, Ben traipsed into her mind. After that first night out on the porch, Rey had been anxious she had gone too far. Overcome by her morose mood and reflections, she had worried she had overstepped her bounds with Ben and potentially damaged something in the already-strained relationship between them. But, the next morning, it was as if they had silently agreed not to speak of it, likely it having been as traumatic an experience for him as it had been for her. What was more, their tacit agreement seemed to have extended toward their spouses in general. For the past three days, neither had broached the subject of the other’s relationship, and both seemed all the happier for it.

Instead, Ben had fallen into the habit of accompanying her throughout her day, observing her tasks and habits, and chatting with her about all manner of things in the process. Over the course of the six days since his arrival, Rey had become increasingly aware of how just incredibly happy she felt, and she knew it could be attributed directly to the fact that she had someone to talk to, someone to connect with, someone to keep the loneliness at bay. So, yes, in a wholly new way she hadn’t even understood until it had materialized, she truly did have everything she needed.

“Rey!”

“What? Oh! Yes, Armie. Yes, I have everything I need.”

“Good,” he answered tersely. “I need to get going, I have a meeting—”

“Armie, wait…!”

The hologram of her husband all but rolled its eyes at her and, for at least the hundredth time in the past three days, Rey flip-flopped on whether or not she should even tell him about Ben. But, having abruptly feared that her opportunity would pass without having taken advantage of it, she had blurted out her request and now felt obligated to justify her intrusion on his very precious time. So, pressing aside the misgivings over her actions and rationalizing that there was no reason she should hide the truth, Rey forged ahead.

“There’s a man here—”

“ _What_ man?” he demanded, his focus fixed resolutely upon her with an intensity she hadn’t experienced in a long, long time.

Feeling suddenly deeply anxious, she stammered out, “He stumbled across the energy shield in the jungle by accident and then a nexu attacked him, so I had to pull him in—”

“You should have left him to die, Rey,” Armie interrupted, his tone harsh and condescending.

“I couldn’t do that,” she offered sheepishly, her face bowing low, knowing she had disappointed him.

Armie maintained his silence for a moment, his gaze fierce and unrelenting through the hologram until at last he inquired, “Is he conscious? Have you talked to him?”

She nodded, knowing she was incurring his further displeasure and receiving confirmation when he sighed dramatically.

“What does he want?”

“He was searching for his wife and—”

This time, Armie managed to interrupt her by a sudden lurching of his body that thoroughly startled her. Sitting back from the comm, Rey blinked in astonishment, never in her life having witnessed the dangerous, quiet intensity with which Armie asked his next question.

“What is his name?”

“Ben Solo.”

Armie shouted with such ferocity that the hologram and its attendant sound both flickered out for an instant before blinking back into existence. Once his image stabilized, she found an expression on her husband’s face that thoroughly terrified her.

“You have him restrained, I hope?”

For the first time in her life, Rey willfully lied to her husband, deathly afraid of the repercussions should he know the full truth of the circumstances. Dully, fearfully, she nodded.

“Do not release him, Rey. Do not talk to him. I’m coming.”

Rey’s heart plunged in her chest, cold dread snaking deep into her core. “Armie…?”

“I know this man, Rey. He is my greatest enemy and he will stop at nothing to get at me, even harming you. No matter what he may have told you, you are in grave peril, Rey, do you understand me? Keep him calm, don’t do anything to alarm him, I’ll take care of him, I’ll be there within two days. Tell me you understand.”

She nodded frantically, desperately. “I understand.”

Armie disconnected without further comment and the hologram fizzled out. With a cry of dismay, Rey threw it far from her, burying her face in her hands and hyperventilating. What had she done? What else _could_ she have done? She had done the right thing, honoring the man who loved her and had taken care of her every need for as long as could remember…so why did she feel so scared and panicked?

It was impossible for her to fulfill Armie’s mandates. Whether or not through any direct action on her part, he clearly had the impression both that Ben was restrained and that she hadn’t spoken to him much at all. Armie probably thought he’d only just gotten there, rather than having been living and recovering there for nearly a week. Fulfilling his instructions would be hard enough even if those circumstances were true, but the way things were… There was no way Rey could confine Ben to the medbay again, let alone get him into restraints. And not speaking to him at all whilst doing nothing to alarm him? Those things were mutually exclusive; she could not accomplish the first without also accomplishing the latter.

So where did that leave her? How could she possibly honor her husband’s wishes when she had already progressed so much further in her relationship with Ben?

And _should_ she?

“Rey?”

Startled by the muffled sound of Ben’s voice outside her door, Rey yelped softly as she staggered to her feet. Her eyes widened in alarm as they darted about the room, searching for an escape. Lighting at last upon the window, she didn’t hesitate to head in that direction. She tossed it wide open at the same instant that a tentative knock sounded on her door. Part of her recognizing how foolish her actions were, she climbed through the window then shimmied her way down the shallow roof above the porch. Swinging down against one of the railing supports, Rey dropped onto the soft grass and ran. Leaving Ben and the house far behind, she ran to the most distant location she could, sheltering around the back of her work shed. There, she stumbled to the ground and heaved a single great sob of panic.

Emerging only when she had regained some measure of control over herself, and that having proven possible only after having come up with a plan of sorts, Rey stepped out from the shed’s shadow over an hour later. Though she was certain she _looked_ considerably calmer, she certainly did not _feel_ it, and it took all the self-control she had not to retreat back to the safety of her hiding place. Instead, she headed for her garden, resolved to fulfill the only part of Armie’s instructions she possibly could: keep him from becoming alarmed. As impossible as it seemed, it was, ultimately, the only option open to her.

Having reached her garden, Rey quickly found it couldn’t offer her the same measure of serenity that it usually did. As she expected, it didn’t take long for Ben to find her there. She was all too aware of his approach, her mind keenly measuring every step he took in her direction. She didn’t turn, though, choosing to focus the entirety of her awareness on the dirt beneath her hands. It didn’t work, though, because she immediately wondered how in seven hells she could possibly pull this off. Although, yes, it had been due primarily to a dearth of options, he was quite effectively the only friend she’d ever known. To deceive him now, and with such dire consequences… How? Rey simply couldn’t understand just _how_.

“I’ve been looking for you.”

His words were light-hearted, not in the least bit accusatory, and yet it felt like a jab to her conscience.

“I know,” she muttered, surprising herself since she hadn’t intended to respond at all.

Although she didn’t turn to watch him do it, she was acutely aware of him kneeling down at her side, careful to avoid the plants as he settled himself to her level. Feeling the thrumming of her heart heavy in her chest, she forced her mind and eyes to stay focused on her hands and their work.

“Rey?” he ventured gently after an interminable silence.

She didn’t answer, just kept working, but she couldn’t entirely help it when her hands moved more fervently and with jerkier motions.

“Rey, what are you doing?”

The sudden harshness in his voice broke through her haze of anxiety and she looked up, blinking in confusion. Trapped into meeting his gaze, she found his expression hovering somewhere between concern and amusement as his eyes flickered downward. Drawn inexorably by the direction of his gaze, Rey looked down to find her hands clutched around the mangled remnants of the plants she had been tending. With a soft cry of dismay, Rey rose quickly, dropping the butchered plants into the tortured divots in the ground.

 _I can’t do this. I can’t_ do _this…_

She walked away, swatting her hands angrily at her thighs in an attempt both to rid them of the clinging dirt and to chastise herself for her weakness. He’s her husband, he knows what’s best, he has never steered her wrong.

 _But he doesn’t know_ him _._

Rey cried out softly with the thought and turned aside, seeking shelter from the agony consuming her mind, and turned right into him.

“Rey, what’s going on?”

The concern was fully evident in his eyes now, bordering on panic. Unfortunately, Rey suspected panic to be an utterly justified reaction in this case, despite that he couldn’t possibly know why yet. With a suddenly clarity that was both comforting and distressing, Rey reversed her previous plan entirely.

“Ben, you have to leave.”

He stepped back from her in surprise, and Rey saw the same reluctance to accept this truth that she felt in her heart. He didn’t want to leave any more than she wanted him to.

“What?” he whispered, his voice suddenly hoarse. “Why?”

Rey swallowed anxiously. Although she knew what she had to do, making up her mind and following through on the consequences of that decision were very different things.

“Rey—”

“My husband is coming,” she blurted out.

She swiftly turned aside, instinct leading her to retreat from witnessing his reaction to this news. Burying her face in her hands, she squeezed her eyes shut and forced the words out.

“He says he knows who you are and that your only purpose here is to harm me. He says he’s coming to take care of you and that I should keep you here and keep you calm, but I don’t know what he intends to do with you though I suspect it’s not anything good, but I don’t believe you mean me any harm, you don’t mean me any harm, do you, Ben?”

She turned to him abruptly with the last, gasping for air and reaching compulsively to grip his arms, clinging and begging desperately for him to proclaim his innocence.

“I could never hurt you, Rey.”

Her eyes closed in relief at his words, accepting them for their immediate and surface truth, but at the same time suspecting that there was a considerably deeper meaning to them that she wasn’t quite ready to understand.

“So you need to leave. You need to be gone by the time he gets here.”

But to her profound dismay, he was already shaking his head.

“Rey, who is your husband?”

She mimicked his gesture, shaking her head and averting her eyes from his, hiding herself from the deepening expression of dread that had come across his face. Instinctively, she knew she couldn’t give him that information, understood that, for reasons she could not fathom, revealing that would constitute a point from which neither of them could possibly return.

“You need to tell me,” he insisted firmly, his hands gripping her shoulders tight. “You said he knows who I am…”

“No, I can’t tell you—”

“Rey…” he moaned with sudden aggression, his eyes desperate. “Gods, Rey. Please tell me your husband is not Armitage Hux.”

Rey’s eyes widened and her breath suspended in her body. And this, evidently, was all the confirmation Ben needed. For an instant, Rey saw an expression of pure rage cross his features, then he spun away from her, cursing and spitting out his reaction to this news.

She stared at him in dread, not knowing how to feel or what to do. It was clear Ben did indeed know Armie, and she could see there was certainly no love lost between them. But what did that mean for her? Was she in danger with Ben? Armie certainly seemed to think so, but, even now, with him shouting and ranting about how he’d always known _Hux_ was behind it all, Rey couldn’t find it in her to believe Ben could present any danger to her. She didn’t know what to believe, her instincts and her knowledge completely at odds, and all she wanted to do, for reasons she couldn’t entirely understand, was run away and weep.

Rey yelped in instinctive alarm when Ben suddenly turned toward her. She stumbled backward, her eyes wide, as he approached her suddenly. Before she could outright run, though, he lunged for her and gripped her shoulders again. As if in an effort to steady herself in the rioting uncertainty of her mind and his turbulent expression, her hands lifted and gripped his forearms in turn.

“Rey, you have to listen to me. Everything you know, everything you believe… It’s all a lie. You were never a First Order officer, you are not alone in the galaxy, and you are _not_ married to Armitage Hux.”

Hating the venom with which he spat such vitriol, Rey jerked in his grip, seeking her freedom, but he held her fast.

“No,” he objected firmly, “you need to listen to me, Rey. All that is a lie, a false history fed to you after your real memories were blocked. You said yourself you don’t remember anything from before being here. Your entire history was fabricated, dictated to you by the only person you know, a manipulative, deceitful man who is known for doing anything it takes to get what he wants. Is this really so far-fetched to you?”

Rey shook her head throughout his desperate speech, frantically denying what some wretched part of her knew she must accept. Tears slipped from her eyes as her mind confronted the terrible notions he forced on her, her fingers clinging and digging firmly into his arms.

“Then what _am_ I?” she cried out, body and voice trembling with the overwhelming emotions.

“You are a Jedi,” he stated firmly, the strength of his words combining with their utter ridiculousness to steal her breath. “You are the strongest Force-user who ever lived. And you are my wife, Rey, Declan and Aileen’s mother, and we want you home with us. Please, Rey…”

With a cry of despair and rage, Rey flung herself out of Ben’s grasp. Stumbling away from him, choking on heaving sobs that left her nearly incoherent, she vented her fury.

“Armie was right! You’re just here to hurt me, to hurt _him_!”

“Armie—?”

“You’re horrible, Ben Solo!” she shrieked, getting into his face and striking at his body wherever she could. “I trusted you, and you’re just throwing my words back in my face!”

With a terrifying shout, Ben flung her back, rage radiating from him in nauseating waves. She fell backward, landing hard on her rear, and stared up at him in shock and profound fright as he towered over her, his fury pummeling down on her with almost physical force.

“Everything you’ve built for yourself here,” he raged, “everything of who you are and what you do, it all makes perfect sense to me. You spent years—your entire childhood—scavenging parts off derelict ships on Jakku, so you know electronics and mechanics. That’s why the droids just make sense to you. You’ve already lived through isolation and loneliness. You beat it once, but that’s why it weighs on you so heavy now. And you were hungry on Jakku, dependent on others for your food, so that’s why your garden is so important to you here even though you don’t need it. I _know_ what’s important to you. I know it, Rey, _all_ of it, because _you’re_ important to _me_! Don’t you _dare_ try to tell me _Armitage Hux_ understands _any_ of this about you.”

Rey stared at him, her tears and anguish momentarily forgotten in the face of his fury. With his remarkable rant, he’d efficiently stolen her defense of him using her words against her because she’d never told him any of that. He’d seen her work shed and her garden, but how could he know they were so important to her? And how could he possibly attribute any reasons for those quirks of her personality, let alone such outlandish reasons that they somehow rang true?

With a horrible sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach, Rey realized she _wanted_ all this to be true. She wanted to be the wife Ben had spent six long, desperate years searching for. She wanted to have children out there who loved her despite never having known her. She wanted to have a family and belonging and a sense of who she was outside of this isolated hole in the middle of a violent jungle.

But accepting all that came at the cost of denying Armie. Everything he’d done for her, everything he’d built for her, everything he was to her… And it was just too high a price.

“No.”

Ben deflated suddenly, as if his wrath had been too much to sustain, and he reverted to desperation. “Rey, _please_ …”

“No!” she screamed, shoving at him even as he attempted to reach for her. “It’s not possible. I’m no Jedi! That’s just absurd! I would know if I could use the Force!”

“It’s the shield, Rey.”

The calm statement, delivered in the midst of her very loud and very emotional cry, startled her. And it was only after the sudden silence descended that his words registered in her mind.

“It’s not _just_ a shield,” he stated, taking advantage of her abrupt silence. “It nullifies the Force. That’s what you feel when you’re near it. That’s why it makes you feel sick, because it suppresses something that’s supposed to be part of you.”

Rey’s eyes narrowed on him. She’d never told him how the shield makes her feel.

“I feel it too, Rey. I’m a Force-user too, but I can’t access it here. That’s why the nexu almost killed me. I couldn’t sense it and I couldn’t defend myself the way I’m used to.”

Rey stared at him, thinking of the strange weapon hidden away in the house. She didn’t know much about the Jedi other than that they were pretty much extinct. In fact, she thought they _were_ , that Kylo Ren had been the last. At least…that’s what Armie had told her.

No. It couldn’t be true because that would mean that… No. Armie just couldn’t be the villain in all this. It just wasn’t possible.

“I can prove it to you, Rey.”

His words startled her, and her face jerked toward him as she studied him warily.

“Prove what?” she challenged.

“I can prove that you have access to the Force. And then I can help you unlock your memories.”

Slowly, her eyes widened. It hadn’t occurred to her that such a thing was possible. Even if he was lying and her life before the accident really was as Armie had always told her, the lure of regaining her memories, of knowing for herself just who she was and where she came from… It was overwhelmingly tempting.

But…he would know that.

Rey narrowed her eyes at Ben. “How?”

“We need to get beyond the nullifying field, out to where we can feel the Force.”

Now her eyes widened, flickering out toward the distant jungle beyond the shield.

“I’ve tested the field inside the dome,” he explained, “and there’s nowhere I’ve found that it isn’t absolute. But it must be primarily directed inward, because I wasn’t far from the barrier when I felt it come over me. It’s not far, Rey. An hour out, at most, and you’ll know the truth.”

And now she understood. Her gaze darkened on him as she finally discerned his con. It was brilliant, really, preying on all her secret insecurities and fears. Quite masterful. Maybe he was right about the shield having Force nullifying effects, but evidently he retained enough of his skills to know how to manipulate her, though not enough to get through the barrier without her help.

“No, Ben Solo,” she stated firmly, feeling in control of herself for the first time since all this began. “You’re not going to lie and manipulate your way to freedom. You’re going to stay in here and wait for Armie to come. And then he’ll do with you whatever it is you deserve.”

The wrath that came down over Ben’s face and body was palpable and terrifying. And, although Rey was seized by the instinct to run from him, she held her ground.

“He’s not coming here to share a cup of caf and a chat, Rey,” he spat, his eyes narrowed and the sarcasm thick in his voice. “He’s coming here to _kill_ me! He has hunted me for years, but he’s no match for me because I can access the Force, and he knows that. But here… Here, it’ll be easy for him. That’s what he wants, Rey. He’s never wanted anything more than he wants me dead!”

She watched him, his breath heaving with fury and desperation through his body, his fists clenched and his jaw rigid. And she nodded dispassionately.

“So be it.”

Ben stumbled back in shock at her indifference. Slowly and deliberately, Rey turned aside, her heart hammering in secret despair, having witnessed the expression of desolation that had seized him upon her cold proclamation. But she walked resolutely away from him, leaving him to do as he wished, knowing there was no way he could escape.

“He’s using you as a jailer, Rey!”

She heard his desperate shout, but simply kept walking. The anguish in her heart was heavy and ponderous, and she knew she could only contain it for so long. Having entertained the idea that she could have a whole other existence however briefly, she now felt the stifling despair of needing to recognize that it was all a lie, an elaborate ruse for Ben to gain his freedom. It took all her willpower to continue, her back toward Ben and her faith in Armie.

“Rey! This is your prison too!”

His voice, shouting from far behind her now, pierced her. A gasp ripped from her throat and her steps stumbled, a fresh tear wrung from her eye as she recognized the sound of her own thoughts in Ben’s words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Rey, Rey, Rey... Sweetie... *SMH*
> 
> So... *deep breath* What do you all think...?
> 
> I know there's lots and lots of Reylo fic out there, so I really deeply appreciate you choosing to spend time with me and my imagination. Just remember... Comments are the breath of life to a writer!!!!


	8. Desperate Measures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey makes a game-changing decision (and so does Ben).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. My. God. You all are amazing!!! I got some truly incredible comments on the last chapter, and I feel it only proper that I express my gratitude via a second update this week. So...Here you go!

Not for the first time, Ben grunted in frustration and threaded his fingers through his hair. His thoughts were going in circles, accomplishing nothing. He didn’t know what to do, or even how to determine his primary objectives. He had no doubt whatsoever what would happen once Hux arrived. There had been too much bad blood between them for too long, and Ben had always had the upper hand, thanks to the Force. As soon as Hux had him in his sights, knowing there was no way Ben could defend himself or retaliate, he wouldn’t hesitate. And then he would be free to continue doing…whatever it was he’d been doing to Rey all this time.

Of course, the threat to his life was really quite incidental. She was the real concern. He had to get her out of here, get her away from Hux’s influence long enough for her Force sensitivity and her memories to return. The difficulty lay in how exactly to accomplish such a thing.

She’d told him how to get through the energy shield, but she hadn’t mentioned just where the obligatory bracelet could be found. He had spent most of the day searching the grounds and the house, hoping to find a generator or some other clue to the shield’s origins, thinking maybe he’d be able to deactivate it that way, but he’d found nothing. Neither had he found the elusive bracelet.

He’d begun thinking his time would be better spent planning a defense for when Hux arrived, but he hadn’t found any weapons on his search either. Furthermore, although he’d become quite accomplished in lightsaber combat, he ordinarily gathered and exploited innumerable bits of information through the Force: impressions of an opponent’s weakness, the focus for his next strike, and on and on. Even were he to possess the advantage of his familiar weapon, Ben still didn’t know how effective he would be without those extra flashes of insight. Besides, the Emperor’s right hand man was far more likely to come at him with a blaster capable of far greater range than his plasma sword could offer. And then, of course, there was the additional fact that said weapon was still outside the shield, inaccessible, whether or not it would serve in mounting an effective defense.

And it was with this thought—the realization that he needed to find a way through that shield—that Ben had cursed himself for his circular thinking. And it was also there—crouched upon a bench on the porch, recalling the layout of the lower levels of the house, imagining where a hidden passage might lay—that her voice interrupted his endless and hopeless cycle.

“Alright.”

Ben jerked. Cursing the nullifying field that left him blind to so much he was used to perceiving, he lurched to his feet, his eyes latching onto hers as he attempted to ascertain her meaning.

“Alright,” she repeated before he could ask for clarification, “prove it to me.”

He needed no further explanation, and the happiness that burst within him was overwhelming. And evident, apparently, because she immediately backed away from him, her demeanor guarded.

“But I have conditions.”

Of course, she did. So like his Rey. Ben couldn’t keep the smile from his face, an effect that broadened when his expression elicited a dark and irritated scowl from her.

“We go out together,” she dictated, “you unlock my memories, and then I decide whether or not I return.”

He cocked his head, wondering…

“Either way, you’re free.”

His eyebrows lifted, surprised that she would be willing to incur Hux’s wrath by freeing him. Maybe she didn’t understand just how _badly_ he wanted Ben dead.

“I saved your life once because I couldn’t stand by and do nothing. And I find I still can’t do that. If my husband means to kill you, he can do it without my help.”

Or…maybe she did.

Regardless of what this development meant for his personal prospects of survival, Ben couldn’t suppress the awareness that it also meant he would win the more important prize. Once Rey’s memories were returned to her, she would know the truth just as he did, and she would therefore want the same things he did. He couldn’t be certain just how she would perceive Hux at that point—after all, she had spent unknown years believing the vile cad to be her husband—but he had no doubt how she would perceive Ben. And, as long as Hux had not yet arrived, Rey’s perception was all he cared about.

“I mean it, Ben,” she scolded sourly in response to his expression of joyful triumph. “It’s up to me whether I go with you or not.”

“I understand,” he assured her, not entirely successfully suppressing his grin.

“I just can’t make that decision until I know what’s missing.”

His heart sank a bit at the vulnerability that suddenly dripped from her words, and he wanted so desperately to pull her into his arms and assure her that all would be well. But, as he had since first realizing she had forgotten him, he held himself in strict check, recognizing that she would reject any overt attempt on his part to reassert what he knew to lie between them. Though he ached to hold her, to kiss her, to fully realize the end of his long, long search, he denied himself that impulse, convinced it would be for the best in the long run.

It was so very difficult to accept that, though, when she stood before him looking so hurt and lost.

“Yes,” he managed through a voice choked with emotion. “I agree.”

She nodded, abruptly in control of herself once more. “Let’s go.”

“What? Now?” he asked, surprised.

“I’ve waited long enough to know who I am,” she answered shortly before turning and heading across the field.

Following her, Ben only now realized she was clothed for travel. She had traded the flowing dresses he liked so much for utilitarian pants and vest, topped by a jacket that seemed thick enough to offer some protection against the dense vegetation out in the jungle. He was concerned that she might be uncomfortable in the humidity out beyond the shield, but he also recognized that he had no weapons. He knew all too well the dangers that lurked amongst that seemingly placid greenery, and he would gladly accept whatever advantage that presented itself toward her protection, no matter how slight.

It suddenly struck him just how foolish this endeavor was, venturing out into the dangers of the jungle with no means of self-protection, either by way of the Force or any weapons. But the alternative was just as detrimental to his objective of bringing her home, not to mention his own survival. He quickly decided there was no good alternative and he would have to make the best of a less-than-ideal situation. He would push them both quickly through the jungle, hurrying for the point at which he could access the Force. Once they had reached that far, he would be able to protect her, of that he had no doubt. Until then, he would just have to hope they didn’t encounter any beasts.

Ben came to stand at Rey’s side as she stood gazing upward along the arching slope of the shield. He could practically see her thoughts rolling through her mind, contemplating what she had for so long thought of as her protection and now perhaps seeing it for what it truly was. He watched as she lifted a trembling hand to its surface, and he noticed the bracelet on her wrist. Allowing himself a violation of his personal mandate, Ben reached forward and took her hand in his. He met her surprised gaze and he nodded subtly but firmly, a silent promise in his eyes. He saw determination slide over the doubt on her face, and she returned his nod. They walked through the barrier of their prison together.

Ben shuddered as the stifling effect of the shield lifted and his ears flooded with the sounds of the jungle. Wind, insects, birds, and even a distant nexu came to his attention in an overwhelming cacophony that he hadn’t even realized had been missing. His head swung toward Rey as he felt her fingers squeeze slightly against his, and he noted the fear in her eyes. Not of him, but of their environment. He recognized then that she was fully aware of the danger in which this plan placed both of them but, like him, had concluded it was worth the risk. He nodded at her, silently affirming that he understood, then took the lead.

He moved as quickly as the dense foliage allowed. Vaguely wishing he had not only his lightsaber but also a better sense of where his shuttle waited, he recognized the greater need was simply to reach the limits of the Force-nullifying effect. He could figure out the rest once that was achieved. So he simply headed in as straight a line as he could from the barrier behind them, holding tight to Rey’s hand the whole time.

After untold minutes in which only the sound of their feet shuffling through the dense underbrush contributed to the noise of the jungle, Ben looked back at Rey trailing behind him. Her eyes were wide and her head swinging every which way as she, like him, remained alert to their surroundings and any sign of danger. As her attention zipped by, she paused, meeting his gaze and not bothering to hide the fear lurking in hers. He smiled encouragingly and gently squeezed her hand. She nodded and responded with a squeeze of her own, telling him silently that she was alright and that they should continue moving. Sparing no further time, Ben heeded her silent instruction.

He had just begun thinking surely the edge of the nullifying field must be approaching soon, when Rey tugged sharply on his arm. Instantly on alert, he followed her gaze out to their left. He didn’t notice anything of concern, but the tension in her frame convinced him something was there. Trusting her instincts even without the advantage of the Force, he crouched down quietly at her side, peering into the dense greenery and desperately hoping she was mistaken.

But she wasn’t.

With a soft chuff, a flash of dingy white appeared as two wide leaves parted and Ben saw the nexu. All too aware of Rey trembling in terror at his side, Ben carefully turned his attention toward the path they had been taking, desperately attempting to determine how much further before he could reach for the Force again. He wanted to say it was close, _very_ close, perhaps even within leaping distance, but he was so desperately afraid he was wrong. If it were only him, he’d run for it. But could he really take such a chance with Rey…?

Reluctantly determining he had no real choice in the matter, Ben had just begun plotting the quickest path through the jungle when Rey’s hand suddenly slipped from his. His heart rate spiking in sudden alarm, he spun to her, only to find her reaching inside her jacket even as her eyes remained fixed on the feline beast. And, to his immense relief, her hand emerged clutching his lightsaber. The joy that surged through his mind and body was absolute, entirely negating any thought regarding how she had come to have it or why she had only now let him know.

He took the weapon from her, an unneeded corner of his mind relishing its comforting weight in his right hand, then quickly reacquired her hand in his left. Silently through tugs of his hand and minute jerks of his head, he instructed her to rise and move behind him. She complied, and they moved as one, Ben positioning himself between her and the lurking beast. He had only begun to wonder if it was even aware of their presence when an abrupt barking hiss answered that question for him.

“Go!” he shouted to Rey at the same instant that he released her hand to greet the oncoming rush of teeth and claws as the nexu attacked.

Hampered by his inability to sense Rey’s location as he swung at the charging beast, Ben took an instant he couldn’t really spare to confirm she was not within reach of his lightsaber. But as his attention turned, so did the nexu’s, and it crouched low on its legs, roaring mightily directly at Rey.

“Hey!” he shouted forcefully, drawing its attention back in his direction.

Easily manipulated, the nexu swung its head with its gaping mouth back toward him and leaped. With another arc of his lightsaber and a leap aside, Ben both avoided the beast’s attack and dealt it a blow. As evidenced by the resulting roar, it was not a kill, though, and Ben took the opportunity to run toward Rey. Clearly understanding the urgency of the matter, she turned and sprinted. Following her nimble flight, Ben twisted his head back to find the nexu trailing them though gaining fast. But as he turned to face forward again, his foot caught in a root and he went down.

“Ben!”

Aware of both Rey’s shout and the dangerously close nexu, Ben flipped onto his back and raised his hand, only to realize his lightsaber wasn’t in it. Somehow torn from his grip in his fall, he didn’t have time to locate and retrieve it before the beast was leaping for him. To the accompaniment of Rey’s scream, Ben lifted his hand in an instinctive gesture and suddenly found the nexu suspended above him, snarling and snapping its teeth angrily.

Belatedly realizing he could feel the Force flowing around and through him again, Ben grinned. Holding the animal stationary in midair, Ben slowly climbed to his feet, sparing a small portion of his attention to reach out and _feel_ Rey a few paces behind him. He smiled even wider, entirely aware of the sensation of homecoming, both with regard to the Force and his wife. Feeling suddenly as though he could conquer anything, he turned his attention to the roaring nexu.

“Quiet,” he told it, simultaneously reaching into its tiny mind to deliver his message.

It complied utterly, silencing itself midroar. In addition to the beast’s obedience, he sensed Rey’s astonishment and he accepted that, from this moment on, yes, he was indeed showing off a bit. Closing his eyes to concentrate on the nexu, he quickly found what he was looking for.

“Your babies need you,” he told it, instantly evoking a pathetic whine from its throat. “You must go to them quickly. And you will no longer notice humans in the jungle.”

He immediately felt its compliance in its simple mind, and Ben released his hold on it. He sensed Rey’s alarm as the nexu dropped to the ground, but it quickly bounded away, giving a high-pitched keening roar as it departed. Unable to help but smile, Ben turned to confront Rey’s astonished gaze.

“That’s— That’s the Force?” she managed to croak after a moment.

“Yes.”

“ _I_ can do that?” she asked incredulously.

Ben smiled with his nod. “And more.”

“Can you teach me?”

Ben felt an overwhelming surge of emotion as an odd choking noise escaped his throat. The flood of love and affection for Rey—only _ever_ Rey—washed through him and left him gasping as he recalled the entirety of their life together, all the way back to his time in the First Order.

“Sweetheart,” he murmured, helpless to thwart either the term of endearment or the tears that flooded his eyes, “that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

Her cheeks flushed with color and Ben belatedly realized his control had slipped. Clearing his throat as he attempted to regain his composure, he flung his consciousness out into the surrounding jungle, searching for any further threats. Finding none, he reached out with his hand and recalled his lightsaber to it, then turned his attention to Rey though he made sure to keep some measure of attention on the jungle in order to alert him to any additional threats.

“Sit down,” he instructed her gently. “It’s time to get your memories back.”

He felt the surge of anticipation and trepidation rip through her mind and instinctively reached out to clasp her hand comfortingly.

“It’s easy,” he assured her, pulling her down to the jungle floor with him. “It just takes concentration and determination, alright?”

She nodded, the anxiety still palpable in her face and mind. He smiled kindly and encouragingly, settling himself in front of her. Laying his lightsaber aside where he could reach it easily should it be needed, he gathered Rey’s hands into his.

“Close your eyes,” he told her, which elicited an entirely predictable display of suspicion, and which in turn earned her an amused smile from him. “You can trust me, Rey. I promise I won’t let any harm come to you. Ever.”

She still seemed skeptical, but she nevertheless closed her eyes.

“Picture your mind like an open field. There are boxes there. Some are open and some are closed. Can you see that?”

Her brows pinched and Ben sensed her distress, but she promptly answered him.

“No, I’m seeing a hallway with doors.”

He smiled, already noting the evidence of Rey’s self-awareness, even without conscious control of the Force.

“That’s fine,” he assured her. “That works just fine. Some are closed, right?”

“Yes,” she murmured, her brow still furrowed and her expression tight. “A lot of them. And they’re locked, they won’t open. Do I have to force them all open?” she asked suddenly, her eyes open and concerned.

Ben smiled reassuringly again, gently moving his hand over her face to get her to close her eyes again.

“No, nothing so taxing. Just stand in front of a locked door. It doesn’t matter which one, but you’ll probably feel which one is the best to choose.”

She nodded. “I have it.”

“Now place your hands on the door.”

With a twitch in her brow that belied her uncertainty, Rey lifted her hands. Slowly and gently, Ben placed his palms flat against hers, providing counter pressure but also merely physical contact.

“Good. Now repeat after me: My name is Rey. I am a Jedi.”

“My name is Rey. I am a Jedi.”

Ben couldn’t help but smile a little at the snide tone with which she spoke this last, but he quickly chose to ignore it.

“Say it again.”

She did, and this time there was a little less snark to it.

“Keep saying it,” he instructed, watching her face closely.

He waited, looking for the increased tension in her hands, face, and voice that would inform him she had reached the memory block, but it didn’t come. Instead, her hands began to droop, her lips twisted in an expression of irritation, and the snarky edge returned to her voice. Still, Ben waited, telling himself that whoever had blocked her memories must have been very strong. But they were _her_ memories and they _would_ respond to her. He knew they would.

But, still, they didn’t.

And that’s when he realized what was missing.

_Rey_ …?

When she continued in her litany without pause, Ben felt a spike of alarm arise within his mind. Again, pressing his thoughts through a channel that had become second nature to him before her disappearance, he attempted to speak to her through their bond.

_Rey, tell me you hear me_.

But, still, she only continued stating her name and her identity as a Jedi.

“Something’s wrong,” he murmured.

She stopped speaking mid-phrase and opened her eyes. Ignoring the accusatory glare in her gaze, he swiftly gripped her hands and move them toward his face. She jerked back in objection and he tightened his hold on her.

“Please, Rey,” he pleaded desperately. “I need to know…”

She watched him closely, and he could see the doubt thickly blanketing her countenance. She didn’t believe him, she didn’t trust him, and he was on the verge of losing her.

“ _Please_ …”

Although it was clear it was against her better judgement, she reluctantly acquiesced to his desperate plea. He brought her hands up to his face, placing them on either side of his head, then reached forward to do the same to her. Gently, he brought her toward him until their foreheads rested against one another. Closing his eyes, he reached toward her mind.

She was Rey, definitely _his Rey_ , but she was all wrong too. He could sense her presence, but the Force bond they shared was missing. It made no sense, because he could still reach it from within his mind, but it was like a road that led nowhere. Even more alarming, he realized that her mind was no different from a thousand other humanoid minds he’d invaded. It was definitely her, but it was _only_ her.

“Rey,” he moaned, deeply afraid he knew what this meant.

She leaned back from him, dropping her hands and moving outside his reach. Her eyes landed on him, dark with suspicion, anger, resentment…

“You can’t feel the Force, can you?”

She sighed in exasperation at him and climbed to her feet. Looking down at him, she fixed him with an angry stare.

“Take me home.”

“Rey…!”

“No!” she shouted as he rose, swatting aside his hand as he reached for her. “You lied to me! It’s all a lie! Now take me home, or I’ll just go myself.”

“No, Rey, listen to me—”

“I’m _done_ listening to you, Ben Solo! I never should have been seduced by your stories, to thinking that I was more than I am. I’m nothing! I’m completely inconsequential! I matter to no one, except Armitage! And I’m ashamed of myself for letting you make me feel even for one moment that that wasn’t enough!”

Her words hit him hard, and he staggered backward. Though he knew she didn’t remember it, he recalled all too well when he had thrown those very words at her, and they tore at his heart.

“That’s not true, Rey—”

Rather than argue with him, she simply turned around and started walking back the way they had come. When he chased after her, she turned and struck at him, fighting him off.

“No!” she cried, tears in her eyes as she hit and pushed at him. “You promised I could go home!”

“I promised because I know the truth, Rey! And I had faith that you would know it too. But there’s more going on here than I realized. I need to figure it out.”

“Well, you can do that without me,” she declared stubbornly.

“You can’t go back now! If you go back to Hux and he knows you released me, he’ll kill you, Rey. I’m sure of it.”

“No, he would never do that. He loves me!”

“No, he doesn’t!” he erupted, suddenly unable to restrain himself where that blackguard who dared to make her believe such vile lies was concerned. “He _hates_ _me_! You were only ever a means of hurting me, Rey. _I’m_ his enemy, _I’m_ the one he hates. He was able to feed you that bullshit about protecting you from enemies who would hurt him through you because he was already doing that to _me_!”

Ben fell back suddenly, realizing he was overwrought. He took a deep breath, threaded his hands through his hair, and quickly realized it was beyond his capabilities to calm down.

“Rey, _please_ … I need you. I can’t live without you. I’ve tried for six years and it’s torture every day. Please, Rey. Your family needs you. And not just Declan and Aileen. Poe and Rose, too, and Finn, Rey, _Finn_! We’re all together and we miss you so much and we just want you home with us. _Please_.”

He fell silent, holding his breath, hoping that he could just convince her, but quickly losing that hope when he saw that the names he’d thrown out meant absolutely nothing to her. He didn’t know what was wrong, why she couldn’t access the Force, but he was determined to find out. He just needed time. He needed _her_. And, suddenly, he knew the lengths to which he was willing to go.

And when she, weeping openly and miserably, nevertheless shook her head resolutely against him, he knew he needed to.

Bowing his head in defeat, Ben reached for the Force energy that resided deep inside him once again. And, with regret in his heart and an apology in his eyes, he lifted his hand and plunged Rey into sleep. Catching her limp body carefully in his arms, he held her close for the first time in six years.

“I’m sorry, Rey,” he whispered, hoping that one day she would accept his earnest apology.

Turning away from her prison and the lies Hux had filled her head with, Ben carried her toward the shuttle that would take her home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raise your hand if you're ready to leave Cholganna! But what's with Rey not being to unblock her memories? Remember how easy it was for her to do that in "Conflicted"? And...no access to the Force...? WTF?!?!?!
> 
> By the way, some of you totally called it on Ben just outright abducting Rey. Bully for you!!!
> 
> Thanks so very very much for reading!!! I'm on Tumblr at https://www.tumblr.com/blog/kcmarsala. If you're also on Tumblr, please consider reblogging the notice I've posted there regarding this update to help me get the word out about "Forgotten." And drop me a note or an ask while you're there!!! I've never gotten an ask on Tumblr... *hint* *hint* ;-)
> 
> Up next: Difficult Reunions. You know what that means...!


	9. Difficult Reunions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey meets the extended Solo family.

Finn frowned at the twins. Having encountered this very occurrence so many times in the past, he knew precisely what it meant, but something was different this time. Declan and Aileen stood frozen, staring at each other, doing their mildly-creepy silent communication thing. But whereas the mid-word onset of this silent dialogue was usually followed hard upon by depression and sullen moods, this time there seemed to be a considerable amount of confusion.

“Dad’s home?” Finn asked.

Declan looked up at him and, there, for the first time, Finn saw a light of hope in his eyes.

“Yes,” the boy answered, excitement starting to break through as he added, “and he’s not alone.”

“But there’s something wrong,” Aileen quickly contributed.

Finn frowned even deeper, confused as to whether he should be shouting for joy that Ben found Rey or… Or he didn’t know what else. What exactly did _something wrong_ mean?

Having acquired his own measure of confusion, Finn found it difficult to maintain his equilibrium as he listened to Ben’s shuttle landing at the back of the house. The strangeness of today’s homecoming only deepened when, for the first time ever, Ben shouted Finn’s name from the back entry. After soothing his frazzled nerves as well as he could, Finn reached a quick conclusion.

“Stay here while I find out what’s going on, alright?”

Aileen nodded, saying, “Yes, Dad wants to talk to you alone first.”

Accepting her statement as a form of acquiescence to his instruction, Finn directed his gaze and a pointed finger at Declan.

“Stay here, Declan. Got it?”

Shuffling and kicking his feet in disappointment, Declan muttered his compliance. Finn ruffled his hair affectionately, but he spied the underlying energy that the boy was only half attempting to obscure and he found himself wondering just how profoundly their lives were about to change…and whether that was good or bad…

Hurrying to the back of the house, Finn found Ben had already retreated to the ramp of his shuttle, probably having gotten word through his connection with Aileen that Finn was on his way. Finn frowned yet again as he observed Ben, riddled with anxiety, evidenced by the fact that he couldn’t stand still as he watched Finn’s hurried approach. When finally he reached him, Finn couldn’t hold his own question back any longer.

“Did you find her?” Finn asked, half afraid of the answer.

When Ben nodded, Finn burst into a shout and would have run up the shuttle ramp if it weren’t for Ben reaching out and stopping him with a hand on his arm. And it was only then that Finn noted the dark countenance Ben wore, in harsh contrast to what it should have been, given the news that Rey had been found alive. And then his face fell as he realized what that must mean.

“No,” Ben corrected him quickly, “she’s not dead. But she doesn’t remember us. Any of us.”

Finn stared, once again not knowing how to process what he was feeling. “Well, what _does_ she remember?”

Dark anger clouded Ben’s face and Finn instantly knew that, whatever it was, it was _bad_.

“Hux has had her,” he revealed, instantly confirming Finn’s suspicion, though he didn’t realize the worst was yet to come. “He has fed her some story about being a communications officer in the First Order.”

“What?”

“And she believes she’s married to him.”

“ _What_?” Finn shook his head hard. “How did you convince her to come with you then?”

“I didn’t.”

“You—? _Oh_ …”

Finn looked up into the open shuttle, realizing what he was going to find when he went in there: a _very…angry…_ Rey.

“I need some time with the kids, Finn. I need to try and help them understand what’s going on before they meet her.”

He nodded, completely understanding and agreeing. “You need me to keep her occupied.”

“Yes.”

Finn nodded, already steeling himself for what he was certain would be an entirely not amusing confrontation.

“One more thing, Finn… She doesn’t have access to the Force.”

Slowly, laboriously, Finn dragged his deeply troubled gaze from the shuttle and back to Ben. “How certain are you this is actually our Rey?”

“It’s her, Finn,” Ben assured him in absolute terms. “It’s definitely her. But something’s blocking her from the Force and I need to figure out what it is. I’m hopeful that, once it’s cleared up, then she can regain her memory, too.”

“Alright,” Finn agreed, his attention focused forward once again. “Go talk to the kids. Declan’s about ready to jump out of his skin.”

“Okay. Hey…”

Finn looked at Ben and found an untold depth of appreciation in his eyes.

“It’s okay,” he said before Ben could get the words out that Finn knew made him uncomfortable. “I know you love me!”

Ben offered a subdued chuckle, and Finn grinned, slapping him on the arm with the back of his hand as his former enemy gripped his shoulder affectionately.

“Good luck,” Ben murmured under his breath.

“Yeah,” Finn mused, reminding himself of Rey’s more hotheaded moments. “Yeah, I’m going to need it.”

With that, Ben hurried off and Finn drew and held a deep breath before stepping foot on the ramp. Although he’d had at least some time to prepare himself, the moment in which he finally saw Rey again hit him hard.

She sat tucked in the corner of a long bench designed to double as a bunk when needed. Her legs were curled up in a protective posture in front of her, her eyes glaring daggers at Finn. And, gods, it really was Rey. There was absolutely no question in Finn’s mind. And the tears sprang hot and copious to his eyes.

“Rey,” he murmured reverently.

To which she spat disgustedly in a most Rey-like manner, “Who are you?”

“I’m Finn. I’m your closest friend.”

“I don’t know you,” she scoffed harshly.

“But I know you.”

Something in what he said seemed to reach her, and the hard exterior Finn could imagine she had so carefully crafted in order to deal with this whole situation seemed to crack just a bit. Catching merely a hint of the pain and hurt she hid beneath that crust, Finn burst into tears.

Rushing forward with a cry and flinging his arms around her, he didn’t care that she had no idea who he was. He would know her anywhere and he couldn’t help but express his relief and happiness at seeing her again, finding her alive and well…if a little ignorant.

“He always said you were alive,” Finn moaned, weeping into Rey’s hair as he held her as tightly as their awkward position would allow. “I think part of me was afraid to really believe him.”

Although she didn’t respond and only patted him awkwardly on his shoulder, Finn suddenly realized how discomfiting this must be for her and he pulled back, swiping his hands across his face to eliminate the tears.

“Sorry,” he muttered, but she looked at him in wonder.

“You really love her…”

“Her? Who? You? Rey?” Finn stumbled out in a series of truncated questions. “Yes. We all do.”

She seemed moved by that for a moment, but then her face darkened again. “Everyone loved me where I was before, too.”

“No,” he stated firmly and unequivocally. “Hux never loved you. That’s impossible. That man doesn’t know how to love anyone but himself.”

She scoffed again. “Of course, he told you to say that.”

“Who? Ben? No. He told me you believe you’re married to Hux, but what I just said about him…? That’s all me.”

“I _am_ married to Armitage—”

“No. You’re married to _Ben_. And, believe me, when you get your memories back, you’ll understand just how amazing it is that I’m actually arguing for that.”

Rey frowned and Finn waved his hand impatiently.

“Never mind. It’s all very confusing…”

Both of them lapsed into an awkward silence then, neither one seeming to know how to deal with the other. Finn had just decided to encourage Rey to ask questions, to start her re-education of her life, when a tentative voice reached them.

“Ben…?”

Finn chuckled briefly. “Get ready for more,” he murmured conspiratorially to Rey.

By the time he turned around to intercept Rose, it was too late and she had seen who was in the shuttle. With a cry of surprise and joy, Rose rushed forward but Finn caught her by her waist.

“She doesn’t remember us,” he told her briefly.

“What?” Rose gasped, her head swiveling between Finn and Rey. “Why?”

“We don’t know.”

“Well, who—?”

“Can you find out later?” Rey interrupted irritably, her voice harsh and her demeanor impatient. “I just went through all this with him,” she spat disdainfully, jerking her head in Finn’s direction.

Rose stared at Rey, and tears flooded her eyes. Rather than respond, though, she looked at Finn.

“It’s really her, isn’t it?” Rose croaked, to which Finn nodded enthusiastically, grinning.

When both Finn and Rose turned to Rey, however, she was staring at them in surprise.

“You’re happy I’m angry?”

“Angry, sad, depressed, whatever,” Rose answered dismissively. “I’m happy to have you any way I can get you. We’ve missed you, Rey.”

“So I’ve heard,” she responded sourly before that awkward silence Rose had interrupted descended once again.

“Where’s Ben?” Rose asked softly into the sustained silence.

“He’s in the house, talking to the kids.”

“They’re here?” Rey piped up suddenly.

Finn looked toward her in surprise. “Yeah.”

“I’m going to meet them?”

Finn exchanged a look with Rose, then shrugged. “I suppose they have some say in that but…yeah. Probably.”

Rey turned aside then, but the air of anger than had consumed her since Finn’s arrival was decidedly shaken. The grip with which she’d clasped her knees to her chest relaxed and she seemed stunned, numb…scared.

“What do I say to them?” she murmured with evident alarm in her voice.

Finn didn’t quite know what to make of this sudden shift in her demeanor, so he could only manage to stare at her. Rose seemed similarly afflicted.

“Do I lie to them? Tell them I remember them when I don’t?”

And Finn suddenly understood that, while she could hate and be angry over this situation with him, Rose, and Ben, she couldn’t take it out on the kids. And if that wasn’t Rey, he didn’t know what was.

“No,” Rose answered before Finn could find his voice. “They’re Force sensitive, so they’ll know if you’re lying.”

And that seemed to be the wrong thing to say because, suddenly, she seemed even more frightened.

“They’re wonderful kids, Rey. You don’t need to be scared of them.”

“I don’t… I don’t know,” she murmured, seeming more to address why she was feeling so anxious about the kids in general as opposed to what Rose had offered about them.

“Do you not want to meet them?” Finn asked compassionately.

“No, I… I do, I just…” She sighed, finishing timidly, “…want them to like me.”

And, suddenly, for the first time, Finn felt like, somehow, some way, everything would be alright.

“Finn?”

“Yeah?” he answered, turning toward the ramp and Poe’s beckoning voice.

The moment Finn saw him, he knew he’d been caught up to speed on the day’s happenings, at least as far as any of them were, his cautious demeanor conveying that much.

“Ben’s ready.”

Finn nodded, turning back to regard Rey, who had most certainly heard the proclamation like the knelling of a doom bell. She watched him intently, her eyes wide, and he could tell she wasn’t breathing.

“Do you want to do this now?” he asked her gently. “No one’s forcing you.”

She took a moment, her eyes flitting rapidly between him and Rose, and then he saw the moment when she made up her mind. She breathed, breathed again, then unfolded herself from the bench and stood up.

“I want to meet them,” she stated, her voice shaking only a little.

“Alright,” Finn answered, not entirely able to keep the smile from his face. “This way.”

He turned and walked down the ramp, finding Poe at its base. Exchanging a look between them, Finn managed to let Poe know he was cautiously optimistic, but that the situation was fragile. Poe nodded imperceptibly then turned to greet Rey.

“Hello, Rey. I’m Poe. Welcome home.”

Rey suddenly stumbled to a stop, her breath hitching in her throat. Her eyes, suddenly shining with unshed tears, blinked several times, then she cleared her throat.

“Thank you,” was all she said, but Finn got the impression that she meant her gratitude far more deeply than the sentiment could convey.

Poe smiled then turned to Rose.

“Could you help me out with the X-Wing? I’ve got a problem with the actuator.”

Finn smiled to himself, knowing Poe wasn’t fooling anyone, least of all Rose or Rey. And yet he sensed Rey breathing a sigh of relief to be rid of two-thirds of her entourage. Resuming their trek toward the house, Finn led the way, and Rey hung back, moving slow and—Finn couldn’t help but imagine—dirge-like. It made for a long, awkward, quiet walk, but at last they arrived at the kids. Noting the extreme trepidation blanketing Rey, Finn quickly withdrew, but not before offering her friendly support through a quick squeeze of her shoulder.

 

*****

 

Rey stared, already fighting the tears that threatened to overwhelm her. There was Ben, seeming so familiar and yet formidable all at the same time, and, there, in front of him, were two children that she could only describe as a small Rey and a small Ben. She glanced up at Ben, and she saw the emotion thick in his gaze as well.

Looking back at the children, she didn’t know what to do. If she needed any further proof that what Ben had told her was the truth, surely this was it. The girl looked so like her and the boy so like him that the only possible explanation was that they had made these children together. And, yet, at the same time, she desperately clung to her belief that he was lying…or mistaken…somehow. But, still, that didn’t change the fact that these children didn’t have a mother…and she had long yearned for children of her own…

“Rey,” Ben’s voice interjected softly into her thoughts, “this is Declan and Aileen.”

Although the girl stared at her with dark, moody eyes, the boy smiled warmly and stepped forward, his hand extended like a perfect gentleman. She took his hand in hers and gave it a firm shake.

“Hello, Declan.”

“Dad said we should call you Rey,” he announced, instantly giving Rey the impression that this boy had never met a stranger in his life, “but I already think of you as Mom. Is that okay?”

Ben hissed his son’s name under his breath, but Rey smiled cautiously, already liking this boy very much.

“Yes,” she answered him. “That’s fine.”

“I’m not much of a hand-shaker,” he continued.

“Neither am I,” she admitted, finding it ironic that, nevertheless, they both yet hung onto one another’s hand.

“I’m more of a hugger. May I hug you?”

Rey smiled again, and now a tear escaped the confines of her eye. She nodded, her voice cracking out, “I’d like that.”

The instant Rey lowered to her knees, Declan flung his arms around her shoulders without hesitation and Rey held him tight. Though keenly aware of Ben’s gaze on her, she gave herself this moment alone only with Declan, refusing to allow Ben’s or anyone else’s intrusion on the moment.

“You’re a very good hugger,” Rey murmured uncertainly into Declan’s hair, and he giggled then drew back to look at her.

“Finn and Rose say there’s such a thing as happy tears, but I don’t think I’ve ever had them. Are these happy tears?”

Rey laughed, only managing to squeeze more tears from her eyes.

“They’re a lot of things, Declan. But, yes, part of them are happy.”

Declan grinned, as if that was all he needed in life, to have made Rey cry happy tears. Then, with a pensive look on his face, he turned to look at his dad, then back at Rey.

“I think I get it now,” he said, and Rey cocked her head.

“What do you mean?”

“Dad,” he responded, tossing a thumb over his shoulder as if Rey might not know who _Dad_ was. “I seen him cry lots, but never like that. I think those are happy tears.”

Startled, Rey looked up at Ben and, indeed, there were tears in his eyes. But Rey looked away quickly, not feeling up to sustaining eye contact with him, especially not when both of them were weeping.

“Yes, I suspect those are happy tears for you, Declan.”

“Oh, not for me,” he quickly retorted. “For you.”

“Me?” she echoed, surprised.

“Sure. It only makes sense that he should cry sad tears and happy tears over the same thing.”

And that, from the mouth of a young boy, revealed far more to Rey about Ben than she was at all comfortable knowing.

“She’s not right,” Aileen spoke up abruptly.

Rey looked up to find the little girl staring intently and even a bit hostilely up at her father. Ben’s gaze flickered toward Rey momentarily then focused on his daughter.

“Aileen—”

“No, Daddy. She doesn’t _feel_ right.”

“Aileen, we talked about this.”

“No,” she argued emphatically, actually stomping her foot along with the word. “She’s not who she’s supposed to be. I don’t want her here.”

And before Ben could say anything else, the little girl ran off. Ben turned and Rey was certain he intended to follow Aileen, but then he stopped. Instead, he turned back again and looked uncertainly at Declan, who nodded at him.

“I’m sure,” Declan stated, as if in response to a question.

Rey frowned, looking between father and son, suspecting that something had just passed between them that she couldn’t possibly understand. But then Declan was turning toward her and drawing her attention again.

“Don’t worry about Aileen,” he told her. “She’s always difficult.” Then, as if imparting a great and tragic secret, he leaned in and whispered, “She’s not a hugger.”

Rey nodded sadly, then Declan surprised her by giving her another quick hug before running off after Aileen. Suddenly feeling the weight of the last few days, Rey slipped off her knees to sit on the floor, exhausted and disheartened. Her head bowed low and her back hunched as she cradled her forehead in her hands. She didn’t notice Ben’s approach, and therefore flinched violently when his voice startled her.

“Aileen takes after me. She has a difficult time adjusting when circumstances don’t live up to her expectations.”

Rey scoffed bitterly. She knew he meant this as an explanation for his daughter’s behavior, but she didn’t need it.

“She’s _right_ ,” she spat at him viciously. “I’m not the person you all lost. I not who you want me to be.”

“No, Rey,” he countered, dropping to his knees in front of her. “The core of who you are is there. I’ve seen it. It’s only your memories that are missing. Once those are returned, you’ll see.”

“And what of the memories I _already_ have?” she lashed out, pushing him back away from her. “What am I supposed to do with those? Just bury them?”

Rey scoffed at Ben’s silence, knowing he didn’t have an answer for that, just like she didn’t.

“You don’t get to choose who I am, Ben, regardless of who I may have been before. _I_ choose that. Right now, all you get to choose is whether or not you will help me remember who I was. If you’re really so confident that I’ll choose you when I have all the facts at my disposal, then there’s no reason for you to worry about getting what you want, is there?”

Rey pushed her way up from the floor, leaving Ben there. Her desire to make a timely exit was thwarted, though, by the fact that she was in a new place and had no idea where she was going. In fact, come to think of it, she didn’t even know what her status was here. She sighed heavily.

“You took me from my home without my permission. Does that make me your captive?”

“No, Rey,” he answered firmly, rising at last from the floor. “You are not my prisoner. You are free to come, go, do whatever you like. No one here will stop you. But I will also do everything in my power to keep you safe, which includes protecting you from threats you don’t recognize.”

“Like my husband, you mean?” she shot snidely.

Rey watched Ben grit his teeth as his gaze darkened in rage. “Like _Hux_ , I mean. Yes.”

She sighed, recognizing this was going to continue to be a point on which they simply could not agree. “And…my memories?”

“I will do everything I can to help you regain your memories. But…Rey… That may take some time. The technique we tried in the jungle should have worked, even if you don’t have access to the Force. The fact that it didn’t means something else was done to you, and I don’t know what that was. It may take some time to figure out.”

Rey nodded, turning aside to contemplate his words. She appreciated his honesty and recognized he was telling her he had no way of putting an estimate on how long it might take to remember who she once was. After a moment longer in contemplation, she sighed.

“Alright. For the time being, I’ll stay here with you so we can figure out how to unlock my memories. But I reserve the right to change my mind at any time.”

“Of course,” he agreed.

“And in the meantime, you have _got_ to tell me where I can sleep, Ben. I’m exhausted.”

Rey caught him stifling a chuckle and she almost smiled in response. Instead, she stepped forward at his gesture. Walking slowly at his side, she looked curiously around the sprawling house as they passed through it. Surprisingly, they encountered no one else, and she suspected the others she’d met had all made themselves scarce. They were probably as reluctant to talk to her as she was to talk to them. Maybe. Honestly, she couldn’t say exactly what she would be doing were their circumstances reversed. Probably hiding in her bedroom so she didn’t have to address the issue.

“I’m sorry about Aileen.”

Rey turned in surprise at Ben’s remark. “It’s alright. Really. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for them. Declan, though… He’s amazing, just takes everything in stride, doesn’t he? So optimistic. And so smart…”

Ben smiled, and Rey caught him peering at her from the corner of his eye as he responded, “He takes after his mother.”

Strangely flattered and yet somehow offended, Rey could only clamp her jaw shut. After having traversed a staircase and two hallways, finally Ben stopped at an open door. Gesturing her onward, Rey entered the room. It was moderate in size, neither particularly large nor small. There were little things here and there, details that somehow made it looked _lived in_ without being cluttered or messy. She couldn’t precisely determine exactly what it was that tipped her off, but an instinct spoke to her with enough certainty that she turned to Ben and voiced it.

“This is your room.”

He nodded. “We don’t have any spares, so you can sleep here tonight and we’ll figure out a longer term solution tomorrow. There’s a fresher through there and that—”

“Where will you sleep?”

“I’ll find a spot. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“I don’t want to displace you,” she objected, but her voice fell away into silence when he stepped closer to her and spoke in low, intimate tones.

“Rey… Don’t you know yet that there’s nothing I won’t do for you?”

She felt her breath halt in her chest as she looked up into eyes that she noticed couldn’t quite meet hers. He appeared to focus on her shoulder, maybe, or her hair. And, as she watched, she saw him shake himself slightly, as if returning to consciousness, and he stepped back from her. She, though, remained transfixed by the memory of his words and the nearness of his size…and she turned away, embarrassed.

“That,” he continued, his voice wavering a little as he gestured toward another door, “leads to a small balcony that overlooks the lake. You can watch the sunset there, if you want. It really is beautiful…”

Rey turned to thank him, but caught him watching her in such a way that an instinct told her he’d just been referencing her more than the sunset. She supposed it made sense. She’d been able to tell, even back in her shielded shelter before she’d learned what she supposedly was to him, that he was and always had been utterly and completely in love with his wife. And, after six years apart, he felt he had her back…and yet didn’t.

Like the children, she couldn’t imagine how hard this was on him, but she also didn’t envy her own circumstances, being the object of his focus and…probably more. It made her distinctly uncomfortable. He’d been though enough and she didn’t want to put him through more misery. But, at the same time, she was the one who needed to live with her choices. And it just all seemed so impossible…

“Ben,” she murmured when she couldn’t take the prolonged silence any longer. “You’re staring at me.”

He huffed a little self-deprecating laugh and shook his head. “I’m sorry. It’s just…”

“Please don’t try to explain it.”

His gaze lingered on her a moment longer, leading her to suspect he knew exactly why she’d made that particular request. Instead, he nodded and moved toward the door through which they had entered.

“You’re free to come and go as you wish,” he repeated once he reached the doorway. “No one will bother you as long as your door is closed. Come down whenever you’re ready in the morning and we’ll get you something to eat. We’ll figure out the bedroom arrangements tomorrow, and also get you some clothes. Rose can help you with that.”

At the mention of Rose, Rey withdrew, feeling renewed anxiety welling up inside her. Whether her thoughts were that evident on her face or he was alerted by some sense through the Force, Rey couldn’t say, but Ben picked up on her sudden shift in mood immediately.

“What is it?”

She sighed softly. “Everyone has so many expectations of me. I don’t know how to live up to it all.”

“Don’t try,” he responded swiftly, drawing an expression of surprise from her. “No one wants you to be anything you’re not.”

“Aileen—”

“Rey… Aileen is eight. She may be precocious and Force-sensitive, but she’s still only eight.”

Her slight smile echoed his as she nodded, accepting the gentle chastisement.

“Don’t try to be anything you’re not ready to be, Rey. That’s not what any of us want from you. Any of us who aren’t eight, that is.”

Rey smiled again, grateful for the sentiment even though she suspected it had its limits. Ben, in particular… She was so keenly aware of what he wanted from her that it seemed to invade on her consciousness with every breath she took. But, all she could do for now was accept him at his word. In fact, if it would get him to leave her alone more quickly so she could get to sleep, she just might agree to overrun the Empire singlehandedly at this point. Chuckling inwardly, she thought it might be best not to make that offer, though.

“Get some sleep, Rey. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She nodded. “Good night, Ben.”

He smiled gently then turned away as she closed the door silently. Leaning her forehead against it briefly, she breathed a deep sigh and wondered briefly if her circumstances now were better or worse than this time yesterday. She honestly didn’t know, having simply failed as yet to acquire enough information to make that determination. Then, painfully, she found herself wondering if Armie had made it home yet, only to find the house empty. Her gaze wandered down to the bracelet about her wrist, recognizing its uselessness now that there was no shield for it to provide her access through. Still, though, she was reluctant to give it up, regarding it as her last link to her husband.

With a heavy sigh, Rey made her way to the refresher and spent the better part of an hour in there, cleaning, pampering, and relaxing herself. Wrapped in a plush robe with her hair bundled in a towel atop her head, she padded out onto the balcony just in time to watch the sun of this beautiful planet whose name she had yet to learn dip down into the horizon beyond the lake beneath her.

Settling into a chair, she pondered her new environment from that perch until well after the sun had disappeared from view and the night insects had begun their chorus. And, though she felt she should be thinking about Armie, she eventually had to admit that it was Ben who filled her thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… Rey has met everyone. What do you think? Were your hopes for this moment dashed or fulfilled? Where there any surprises? There are some challenges, of course, but there’s a chance for a happy ending here, right? But what do you think is going to screw it all up (because you know *something’s* going to…)?
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! We're getting pretty close to as far as I've written (3 more chapters after this one). I know where the story is going at the end, but there's a pretty big swath of time there in between that I'm not sure about... I've got some plotting to do!!! Hopefully I'll come up with something that is worthy of the time and attention you put into reading and commenting on my story! Just remember, your comments and speculations really help to get my creative juices flowing. Who knows when a random thought can spark inspiration?!
> 
> Up next: Family Matters. It's quite a long chapter, so brace yourselves for it. And (spoiler alert!), it's very much the calm before the storm... *devilish grin*


	10. Family Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey learns more what it means to be part of the Solo family. Oh, and Finn raises an important question…

The first ray of sunlight hit her toes, and Rey couldn’t help but smile. Wiggling them beneath the surface, she watched as the water ebbed and flowed over her feet, the light playing against the waves and dips at the edge of the lake. The sun, coming up over the house to her left, shone full and bright in her face, compelling her to close her eyes and soak in its warmth, juxtaposed by the cold enveloping her feet.

She had risen well before dawn, fully awake and craving no further sleep. Wandering out onto her balcony, she found the lake shrouded in shadow, and impulsively decided that, since she had watched the sun set over its waters, it was only proper she should observe the reverse there as well.

The freedom of the sunlight, the air, and the sounds of this beautiful planet were unlike anything she had ever experienced before, not within that stifling shield back on Cholganna. And sunrises. And lakes. And… _people_. So many things she hadn’t realized she had been missing all along.

The house had been silent as night when she had ventured out in the pre-dawn hours. Despite his assurances that she was free to come and go as she liked, Rey had been certain Ben would appear at any moment, coaxing her back to the enclosed sanctuary of the house where he or any one of the members of his weird family could keep an eye on her. Even now, hours later, her feet shrinking and wrinkling in the water, her buttocks and hands sunk into the soft, pungent earth, she felt certain her blissful time in this free, natural setting was to come to an end at any moment. And, indeed, when someone appeared, she leaped to the conclusion that was his purpose and immediately went on the defensive.

“Ben said I could go wherever I wish.”

The man stopped, looking down at her and evidently pondering her words. She couldn’t remember his name. The light-skinned one who had taken the woman off to work on an X-Wing. She wished she could see his face more clearly, but the sun shining bright behind him made that difficult. And so she squinted up at him, shielding her eyes with her hand, and already feeling resentful that he was there to draw her communion with nature to a close. After a rather long hesitation that Rey didn’t quite know how to interpret, he spoke with an air of obviousness.

“Of course you can. I was coming to see if I could join you.”

Surprised, Rey squinted up at him harder but quickly gave up the effort to read him. With an affected manner, she shrugged her shoulders.

“Up to you,” she muttered, a little annoyed that her peace had been disturbed.

Without hesitation, he settled down next to her, immediately stripping his boots off and slipping his feet into the water alongside her, sucking in his breath at the frigid temperature. Doing her best to ignore him, she gazed out at the lake’s surface, sighing imperceptibly as the breeze brushed against her cheek.

“Have the fish come to nibble on your toes?” he asked after a long silence.

She looked at him in surprise. “Fish? There are fish in here?”

He nodded, gesturing out toward the lake before them. “You can see them when they ripple the surface.”

She watched and, indeed, she could see undulations in the water, which she had heretofore attributed to the wind.

“Are they dangerous?”

He grinned. “They should be far more worried about us than we should be about them.”

It seemed a very strange answer, and Rey frowned in confusion. “Why?”

He grinned again, a rakish light glinting in his eye. “They’re very tasty.”

Rey was surprised. She had heard of fish, of course. There had been many recipes her kitchen droid on Cholganna had been able to prepare, and she had tried many of them. But it had simply never occurred to her to imagine just where the fish came from, or what they did before they became food.

“Do you catch them?”

“Sometimes,” he answered with an easy shrug.

“How?”

“I’ll show you sometime.”

And Rey realized she liked that idea. She felt like a child in so many ways, having lived her sheltered life, every need provided for her, and now she was becoming acutely aware of just how much she didn’t know. Not necessarily about the history of all these people, the aspect of her memory that Ben was clearly most interested in, but about all the little things that make someone an independent adult. She liked to think that, should her recovered memories prove less convincing than Ben expected, he would honor his pledge to allow her to leave. But even more disconcerting was the notion of where she would go. If not back to Armie, where else was there for her, a grown woman whose only skill in life was ordering her daily meals from a kitchen droid?

Feeling suddenly disconsolate, Rey found herself turning on the man at her side.

“Aren’t you here to tell me all about who I am and why that’s so important?”

Clearly startled by her abrupt shift in attitude, he answered slowly and carefully.

“Only if that’s what you want to hear.”

“It’s not,” she answered like a petulant child, slapping her foot down in the water to splash her emphasis.

“Then, no,” he answered, entirely unfazed. “I just thought you’d like some company.”

Rey sighed, all the ire suddenly leeched from her mood. But, rather than give into the overwhelming urge to apologize, she just stared moodily out at the water, watching the evidence of the skimming lake dwellers.

Company…

It was an entirely new concept to her, of course. Other than Armie’s occasional visits and a few days with Ben there at the end, she’d never had any company. She didn’t know how to act around other people, didn’t know what was proper to say, what might be rude… It was all so overwhelming, but, if there was one thing she knew she didn’t want, it was more isolation and solitude. It seemed the best way to learn how to be around other people was by being around other people. And it seemed like a requisite first step was to know who she was talking to.

“I don’t remember your name,” she sighed at last, hating to admit the fault but deciding there was no help for it.

“It’s alright,” he responded promptly and genially. “There’s a lot for you to keep track of. I’m Poe.”

She nodded, suddenly feeling like the easy part was over, even though it had seemed hard a moment ago. But now she didn’t know what to do. She opened her mouth to try a couple times, but everything that came to mind seemed wrong somehow. Amazing that, even with another human being sitting right here next to her, she still felt alone.

“So, I’m a pilot,” he said suddenly, as if perceiving her problem. “I flew in the Resistance against the First Order, even made it to General…for all the good it did. Since then, I’ve kept my head down. I run errands for this crew and just try to live as full a life as I can under the circumstances.”

She stared, wide eyed. Ben had admitted to being Armie’s enemy, but this was the first she had heard about these peoples’ connection to the Resistance. She knew of it, of course. Armie had made sure to keep her well informed of the galaxy’s political history, seeing as how she herself had fallen prey to the power struggles. And it was so well ingrained in her to hate the Resistance and everything it stood for that she had to fight the urge to get up and walk away. Instead, she merely narrowed her eyes and tightened her jaw.

“You know who my husband is, don’t you?”

“Yes,” he stated firmly, meeting her gaze squarely as he answered, “Ben. Although I know you believe you’re married to Armitage Hux,” he added quickly, before she could object.

“And why shouldn’t you believe that?” she sniped.

“Because he identifies himself — through his own official Imperial channels — as a bachelor. He routinely seeks alliances with other systems and consortia, by marriage if need be. He hasn’t had to resort to that, though, thank the Maker. The last thing we need is little Huxes running around.”

Rey’s jaw hung open, her cheeks heating in humiliation as she stared at him. “That’s not true. He’s already married. To _me_.”

The hard look in his eye that he had acquired whilst tearing her world apart melted, and he gazed into her eyes with genuine regret.

“I’m sorry, Rey, it is true. I can show you the official communiques, if you want to see them.”

“No,” she refused flatly. “They would just be lies.”

Poe didn’t respond, just looked at her sadly. Rey grit her teeth hard in fury and turned her face resolutely away. After a moment, she heard Poe sigh softly at her side.

“I’m sorry, Rey. I really didn’t mean to get into all that. I know you’re not ready to hear it.”

She didn’t answer, only turned her face more fully beyond his view, anxious that he not spy the tears that threatened to fall.

“But I swear to you that I will never tell you anything less than the full truth as I understand it. I know that probably doesn’t mean much to you right now, but it does to me. And I hope some day it will mean something to you, too.”

Rey hesitated. She should hate him. Everything in her head told her that would be exactly how Armie would want her to react. But then it suddenly occurred to her that Armie had also locked her up in a luxurious cage, leaving her alone to believe no one in the galaxy cared about her, while here she found a whole house full of people who professed exactly the opposite. Perhaps she should be angry. Perhaps she should storm off and vow never to speak to Poe again. But she also couldn’t escape the recognition that she knew what that was like, not speaking to anyone. And, whether it was folly or wisdom, weakness or strength it didn’t matter, but she couldn’t bring herself to do that again.

“Was everyone here involved in the Resistance?” she asked on a gentle sigh.

“Rose always was, once she escaped the First Order’s exploitation of her home planet. But Finn was a stormtrooper. He defected and joined the Resistance.”

Rey’s eyes widened, drawn into the story despite herself. “Finn is FN-2187? He’s a traitor.”

Poe bounced his head from side to side in a gesture that indicated his opinion that the truth wasn’t quite so clearcut.

“To the First Order, he was. To the Resistance, he became a war hero.”

Rey twisted her mouth awkwardly. Armie had told her about the defective stormtrooper, of course. He had taken it as a personal affront that it had happened on his ship, under his command. Like much else that had gone wrong in the Second Galactic War, though, Armie tended to lay the blame squarely at the feet of Kylo Ren. In that respect, she supposed she could look past Finn’s history, then. After all, it had been a long time ago.

“So the Resistance is where you met Rose?”

Poe cocked his head to the side, as though he found it a curious question. “Yes. Although she was much closer to Finn for years.”

“Does it bother Finn now?”

Now he frowned in clear disquietude. “Does what bother Finn?”

“You and Rose.”

And Poe suddenly burst into a smile so bright Rey couldn’t help but be struck by his handsomeness.

“No,” he chuckled. “I’m not with Rose. I’m with Finn. But Finn was with Rose once, a long time ago.”

“Oh!” Rey exclaimed, feeling foolish she had made a faulty assumption.

“Don’t worry about it,” he waved her off before she could apologize. “We keep it pretty low key.”

Rey nodded, acting as though she understood when really she didn’t, but quickly deciding it was none of her business. She found her eyes straying toward the undulating surface of the lake again, and slowly realized she was feeling nervous over the next batch of questions rolling through her mind.

“So…did Ben and Rose…ever…?”

Poe smiled, but it was a kind smile. And when he spoke, his voice was gentle, tender.

“No. Not ever. There’s never been anyone for Ben but you.”

Rey was mesmerized for a moment, struck still by the words as well as the melancholy expression Poe wore as he gazed upon her.

“It took you for us all to accept him, Rey.”

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

“None of us saw what you did in him, couldn’t see what he could be. But it was your influence that turned us all around, turned us so well that any one of us would die for him now, if it came to that. Him or the kids.”

_That’s how much you mean to us_.

He didn’t say the words, but Rey heard them nevertheless. She swallowed convulsively against a dry throat, realizing the emotions surging through her body were not entirely unpleasant. She had no idea what to do with all this information — nor all the feelings that came along with it — and she suddenly hoped Ben could find a way to get her memories back. If Poe really was being truthful with her and everything Ben had said from the start was also true, she wanted nothing more than to remember everything, to remember feeling loved and cherished, to know she belonged somewhere. She wanted that so very much…

…and was terrified it would all turn out to be only a cruel joke.

“Why didn’t you like Ben at first?” she forced herself to ask, working her voice past the constriction in her throat and easing away the threatening tears in the process. “What was wrong with him?”

With a strange, quirky, not-quite smile on his face, Poe deftly deflected the question.

“Actually…I think it might be best if you discuss that with Ben.”

Annoyed, Rey sighed heavily, not at all certain whether she even wanted to talk to Ben. Actually, truth be told, she wanted very much to talk to Ben, and that was what warned her that maybe she shouldn’t…

“You mentioned an X-Wing?” she asked abruptly, determined to get off the topic of Ben altogether.

“Yes,” he exclaimed, perking up considerably. “Want to take a ride?”

“Can we?” Rey practically squeaked, Poe’s enthusiasm quickly proving highly infectious. “But isn’t an X-Wing a single-seater?”

“I modified it awhile back. It’s not real comfy, but it’ll keep you breathing.”

Before she could say anything else, Poe climbed to his feet, snatched up his boots, and held his hand down to her. With an irrepressible grin, Rey took his hand and stood next to him, then followed him with barely contained excitement as she suddenly realized she was going to get to do something she’d always wanted to do.

 

*****

 

Even though Rey had disappeared from view several minutes ago, Ben still stood at the window overlooking the lake. He had stood there for most of the morning, silently watching, unable or unwilling to draw himself away from the sight of Rey — _Rey_ — sitting there at the edge of the lake. He had taken care to stand far enough back from the window that she wouldn’t notice him there if she happened to look that way, but he didn’t think she had. And he’d felt relieved when Poe ventured out there, having felt anxious about her being alone but sensing she’d probably had enough of him for the time being.

As much as he wanted and felt he deserved to lay a stronger claim on her than anyone else in the house, he also knew they all had their own hopes and dreams, their own sorrows at what had been stolen from them when she’d disappeared. And, as much as it pained him to admit it, he suspected hearing from them would accomplish more toward even his own goals than only being subjected to his barely concealed expectations and desires. She needed to know there was more to this deal than just him.

Ben felt a smile tugging at his lips when, predictably, a few moments after the sound of the departing X-Wing had faded away, Finn burst into the room. Knowing Finn expected Ben to be leaping to all kinds of wildly negative conclusions, he turned placidly toward him and offered him the most benign of smiles ever to grace his face. Surprised and perhaps a bit disconcerted, Finn frowned.

“They’ll come right back, I’m sure.”

Ben smiled wider before turning to gaze out at the lake again, content to remember where Rey had sat for so long even if she wasn’t actually there anymore.

“I know,” he answered calmly.

He felt Finn’s astonishment and suspected he knew what he was going to say before he’d formed the words. He let him say it, though, having long ago learned non-Force-users didn’t need to be constantly reminded that nothing they said was ever a total surprise to him.

“Sometimes I forget just how far you’ve come.”

Ben actually chuckled. “I could get my lightsaber and tear up the kitchen if it would make you feel better.”

“No,” Finn answered with his own light laugh. “No, this way is good.”

“What are the kids up to?” Ben asked after a moment, feeling their energies swirling around in the Force but uncertain what exactly that meant without pressing further into their minds.

“They’re working with their practice sabers.”

Ben nodded, but sighed lightly. “I really need to get them working sabers. They’re ready.”

“Have you found somewhere to get kyber crystals yet?”

“Nothing reliable, no. The Empire has really clamped down on them as hard as they can. It’s not enough to rid the galaxy of living Force focuses,” he ground out bitterly, “but they have to get rid of the crystal focuses too.”

Finn nodded, and Ben knew he was entirely familiar with this particular frustration. As much as his extended family attempted to assuage it, Ben never completely lost the sense of guilt he bore over this. He was certain it was due to the years of abuse at Kylo Ren’s Force-gifted hands that Hux had vowed to eradicate all Force-sensitives. What made it even worse was knowing that, among all the abuses he’d subjected the pasty little man to, many had been utterly unnecessary. Ben couldn’t help but wondering sometimes how things might be different now if he’d only been a little more level-headed with Hux all those years ago.

Of course, that was beyond consideration now, after what the damn fucker had done to Rey…

“Once we get Rey’s memories back, then we’ll figure that out,” Ben decided. “Besides, she’ll need a new lightsaber, too.”

Finn was silent, and Ben quickly felt his hesitation. Turning toward him smoothly, Ben encouraged him without words to speak his mind.

“You’re certain you can get her back?” Finn asked with trepidation.

Ben nodded confidently. “This isn’t the first time her memory has been messed with. Luke blocked most of her early childhood so she didn’t remember meeting me at the Jedi Academy. It’ll be just as easy to break through this block as that was. She just needs to access the Force first.”

“And why can’t she?”

“That’s what’s more troubling,” Ben admitted with a heavy sigh. “I felt the Force pulled beyond my reach when I neared the energy shield on Cholganna, and I felt it return once I was far enough away from it. But if really was just a nullifying field, then her access should have returned at the same time mine did.”

“What does it mean that it didn’t?”

“I don’t know,” he murmured morosely.

Although he didn’t want to worry Finn unduly, Ben was actually deeply disturbed by this point. Not only had her recovery from the energy shield not paralleled his, but it had been three full standard solar days now and there was still no glimmer of her in the Force. He could sense her, but no more so than he could sense Finn or Poe or Rose. It was such a poor approximation of what he’d once known with her — a strength and presence in the Force that he could feel and experience nearly as well as his own — and it was disheartening. More than that, it was vexing…disturbing… _Alarming_ was the next stage he was leaning toward, but he wasn’t quite ready to go there just yet. It wouldn’t take long, though, before her lingering silence in the Force would become worrisome indeed.

“This isn’t anything I’ve ever encountered before,” Ben murmured. “My hope is that it will resolve on its own, that she just needs time away from Cholganna and that damn energy shield.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

Ben breathed a beleaguered sigh. “Then we’ll have to figure it out.”

He sensed Finn nod next to him, then lapse into heavy contemplation. Although he knew that the bent of his friend’s thoughts were not positive in the least, Ben was content to let Finn pursue them on his own, having faith that he’d broach what was troubling him when he was ready. In the end, it didn’t take long.

“I can’t help wondering, though…”

Ben turned toward Finn, silently inviting him to continue his thought.

“We all know Hux. We know how vicious and ruthless he is. And we know he hates you most of all.”

Ben nodded, his demeanor already darkening with the new topic of discussion, the deep consternation etched into Finn’s face only exacerbating Ben’s sense of impending doom.

“And yet he was _holding_ Rey. He didn’t kill her or torture her, other than to mess with her memories. And he didn’t torment _you_ with the fact that he had her and you couldn’t reach her. In fact, he built a prison and lies and a life to keep her contained and content. He gave her everything she needed to believe she was loved, cared for…always well fed, and even given things to do, to engage her mind and help her pass the time.”

Ben stared. His body had turned slowly and inexorably toward Finn as he spoke, the cognitive dissonance between the picture he painted and the reality of Hux deepening with every word. By the time he finished speaking, Ben knew where Finn was headed, and it was indeed deeply troubling.

“But _why_?” Finn breathed. “Why go through so much trouble if the only purpose was to torment you and her? There are so many better ways he could have accomplished that…”

Why? _Why_ , indeed?

Ben’s breathing suspended as the weight of Finn’s question sunk deep into his mind, leaving tendrils of worry snaking in its wake. There was no easy answer, but a trembling in the Force alerted Ben to the fact that this was important, a key point in unraveling some mystery he couldn’t yet fully grasp. And, for that reason, he found it all the more distressing that he had neglected to even consider the matter before now.

First, he had been so relieved to find her, then so fixated on how to protect her from the circumstances he didn’t yet understand, never having imagined that she would be utterly alone and independent within an isolated microcosm of existence. That intellectual neglect suddenly seemed horrible and momentous, an unforgivable miscalculation borne from a lack of awareness that a careful assessment was warranted. And now, for all the pointless good it could do, Ben found his mind engaged in the rapt contemplation of what he might or should have done differently if only he _had_ wondered just _why_ Rey was being held where she was, how she was.

Gasping slightly as the sudden whine of an X-Wing engine interrupted his disturbing thoughts, Ben blinked and quickly gripped his friend’s shoulder before hurrying from the room. Pushing the questions Finn had raised to the back of his mind for the time being, Ben consciously focused his thoughts and attentions Rey.

Drawn by the sounds of the arriving starfighter, Ben noticed Declan and Aileen come running from the left side of the house with Rose trailing. When Poe’s emergence from the cockpit was followed by Rey’s, Ben noticed Declan’s grin broaden while Aileen’s soured. But the majority of his consciousness was absorbed by their mother as he was rewarded with the broadest, happiest, most genuine smile he had yet to see on her face since he’d found her on that awful jungle planet. And his heart swelled, soared, and plummeted all at once.

“Rey!” Declan called from the landing pad, bouncing irrepressibly on his toes as he awaited her descent. “Did you fly?”

“I just rode along,” she answered as she dropped lithely to the ground, then pulled Declan into an irrepressible expression of her own joy as she hugged him and squealed, “But that was the most amazing thing ever!”

“Isn’t it?” the boy agreed enthusiastically. “Did you touch the canopy? I love doing that! You can feel the ship and the space outside and it’s like it’s all alive!”

“No, I didn’t try that. But I loved watching that moment when the atmosphere faded away and then there was just darkness that went on forever!”

“Oh, I love that too! But why didn’t you fly?”

“I don’t know how,” she shrugged, her mood perhaps a touch more tempered suddenly.

“Sure, you do. Dad says you’re an amazing pilot!”

“I am?” she said in surprise, her gaze suddenly seeking Ben out as she corrected her question. “I was?”

He nodded, unable to withhold what he was sure would be an entirely too affectionate expression for the circumstances as he watched the love of his life smiling and laughing and just being _happy_ with their son.

“You were,” he confirmed once he found his voice again. “And you can be again. I’ll teach you.”

“Really?” she cried with such enthusiasm that Ben had to suddenly stifle the unwelcome reminder of all that had been withheld from her for so long.

He nodded, not entirely trusting his voice just yet. And Rey must have noticed something in his expression that made her uncomfortable since she suddenly swallowed nervously and started looking around. Spotting Poe first, she stood and turned toward him.

“Thank you, Poe,” she said warmly, her hand extended. “That was a lot of fun.”

Poe smirked briefly at her hand then lightly swatted it aside as he reached for her and pulled her into a hug.

“It was my pleasure, darlin’,” he half whispered, brushing a kiss against her hair before he released her.

As Rey staggered back from him, her face flushed and her expression confused, Rose came forward, smacking at Poe with the back of her hand.

“I told you not to do that, dummy,” she chastised him. “She’s not ready for that.”

“Well, _I_ am,” Poe retorted, clearly unrepentant. “I’ve missed her!”

Rose rolled her eyes as hard as she could, then smiled at Rey.

“You’re probably sick of those clothes by now, right?”

Rey’s eyes widened as she looked down at herself, and Ben saw the moment in which she remembered that he’d promised her fresh clothing today. Her eyes darted toward him briefly but didn’t linger, as if she was afraid to look at him too long, but she nodded in response to Rose’s question.

“Do you want to come help?” Rose asked suddenly, turning her attention toward Aileen.

The taciturn little girl startled at the sudden inquiry, and her suspicious eyes levered between Rose and Rey. Rather than answer, though, she merely narrowed her eyes further before spinning on her heel and stalking away. Rose turned to Rey with an apology in her eyes.

“I thought it was worth a try…”

“It’s alright,” Rey murmured, her gaze flickering toward Ben once again before it fixed on her fidgeting fingers. “I don’t blame her.”

Rose snorted harshly. “I do. She’s being a brat. Come on,” she amended quickly, holding out her hand to Rey.

Ben watched the women disappear into the house, then he turned to Poe with an exaggerated threat and an outstretched finger.

“Watch the wandering hands, Dameron.”

Poe laughed heartily. “Ah, you noticed I got the first hug in, eh?”

“Actually, Declan did.”

“Yeah, but I still beat you!”

Of course he had…

Ben narrowed his gaze at his friend, not fully in jest, and hurled one of his mother’s favorite lighthearted insults from his childhood at him before turning aside to find Aileen.

“Nerfherder…”

 

*****

 

“Oh, I knew it would be perfect on you!”

Rey turned side to side, absorbing every angle of herself in the mirror as Rose beamed on from the side. It was a simple dress, deep green in color, like the centermost depths of the lake she had since this morning claimed in her mind as her own. Made from the softest fabric imaginable, it fell in loose, flowing folds from her hips, and stretched up over her torso with detailing that left rows of open squares all the way down her arms. It was amazingly comfortable, and she loved the way it felt swinging past her legs as she moved.

“Are you sure you want to part with it?” Rey asked doubtfully.

“Oh, it’s too small for me,” she answered, waving her hand dismissively. “But it’s perfect on you. I insist you take it. Besides, I can tell you love it.”

“I do, actually,” Rey admitted with a smile.

She glanced over at the small mound of clothing she had already acquired from Rose. Two pairs offull-length utility pants, a shorter three-quarter length pair, four shirts, a couple of vests, and an assortment of new underclothing. With the shoes she had worn from the jungle, she was now more than adequately stocked.

“I feel like I’m taking too much, though.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Rose insisted. “Poe can bring us more next time he goes out.”

Rey frowned at that, though she chose to maintain her silence. But Rose clearly noticed and promptly called her out on it.

“You have questions, ask them,” she instructed unapologetically. “You’re never going to learn anything if you beat around the bush.”

Discomfited, Rey shook her head. “It’s really not any of my business…”

“Rey, I’m sure you’re going to get tired of hearing this if you’re not already, but none of us would be here if it weren’t for you. You’re the glue that bound this family together. We would have all just gone off in our own directions if it hadn’t been for you. Which means… _everything_ here is your business. You have every right to every tiny morsel of information. All you have to do is ask.”

Rey stared, feeling even more uncomfortable despite Rose’s attempt to the contrary. Unable to endure the other woman’s stare, she turned away and sank slowly into a chair as Rose followed suit.

“That’s a lot of pressure, Rose.”

“Not at all,” she countered cheerily. “It’s already done. It’s not like this family is going to fall apart if you decide you don’t want to have anything to do with us. We’re here, together. We’ve made that commitment, and we’re all quite happy with it. You coming back to us…that’s just the dessert after a wholly satisfying meal!”

Rey gave her an incredulous look, and Rose smiled, placing a comforting hand on her arm.

“It’s not pressure, Rey. It’s freedom. You can know everything here. You can go everywhere, do whatever you want. Nothing will ever be held back from you.”

“Does that apply to you, too?” Rey asked abruptly.

Rose cocked her head in surprise. “Of course.”

“Then why can’t you go get your own clothes? Why does Poe have get them for you?”

“Ah…” she murmured, a smile pulling at her lips. “I understand now. No, Rey, I’m not a prisoner here. I could leave whenever I wanted to. But for all of our safety, we’ve all agreed to some limitations. Finn and I don’t leave here, and neither do the kids. Poe goes out and manages all our supplies and keeps us informed of what’s happening in the galaxy. Ben goes out searching for you…although I suppose that will change now,” she added in a pensive tone.

“But why?” Rey said, exasperated, before Rose could continue. “Why is your access outside this house so restricted if you’re not a prisoner?”

Rose’s drawn expression lifted then and she sat back on her heels, comprehension easing the lines from her face.

“I think maybe that’s something you should discuss with Ben.”

Rey pushed herself up out of the chair with angry energy.

“Always Ben!” she fumed. “Why is _he_ the great imparter of knowledge? Why is _he_ the one who gets to mete out truth as _he_ sees fit? You said you’re not a prisoner, Rose, but you can’t answer a simple question without his say so?”

“He’s not…whatever it is you just said!” Rose argued back vehemently, her face brightening with her passionate defense. “But he has more of a stake in this than any of us. He has more to lose. And I’m not going to sabotage his chance with you by telling you things you’re not ready to hear.”

“But _he_ gets to choose what I’m ready to hear, right?”

Rose’s eyes widened, then she bit down hard on her lip, stifling a violent curse. “I forgot how _stubborn_ you can be, Rey! Fine! We don’t leave here because the Empire thinks we’re dead. Me, Finn, Ben, Declan, and Aileen. And as long as they believe that, we’re much safer. So we minimize our exposure to the Empire by staying here in our quiet corner of the galaxy and just living our lives. Alright?”

Rey stared beyond Rose, her brow still creased, but now in concentration rather than anger as she understood why Rose had thought it might be better to hold this little bit of information in reserve awhile longer.

“You’re putting your lives in danger,” she murmured softly, the realization stabbing deep in her conscience. “By having me here, you’re betting that I won’t betray you and tell my husb— uh, the _Empire_ that you’re alive and where to find you.”

“That’s right,” Rose answered firmly, perhaps a bit harshly, “because we damn well know you could if that’s what you chose to do.”

Rey blinked and focused on Rose anew, and felt the hot sting of tears at the back of her eyes. Only now did she understand the true stakes of this game Ben had drawn her into. She desperately wanted to believe she would never endanger the people here. Maybe they had been on the wrong side of the war. Frankly, that hadn’t ever felt real to her and it hadn’t ever meant much, so it didn’t really matter. Not to her. They were people, with hopes and fears just like anyone else, and it was far beyond her right to endanger that for anyone.

And yet…she already had…

Rey turned away in shame as she realized she had already destroyed Ben’s cover of safety by revealing to Armie that he was alive. She hadn’t known, of course. She could plead ignorance all she wanted, but it didn’t change the fact that he was in greater danger now than he had been before, all just because he’d stumbled across her energy shield. Regardless, something told her Ben still wouldn’t have traded anything — even his own safety — for that coincidence of finding her on Cholganna…

…which only deepened her remorse.

 

*****

 

The melancholy that descended upon Rey after her conversation with Rose lingered for awhile. She felt as though she were stuck in a bubble that separated her from everyone else, cocooned in an emotional shelter from which she could nevertheless observe everyone else’s interactions…their happy, familial interactions of which she was decidedly not a part. And yet, somewhere, between the mid-day meal, the group tour of the incredibly beautiful countryside surrounding the house (capably and unceasingly narrated by Declan), and the evening meal that concluded the day, Rey found herself eventually emerging from her bubble and even enjoying herself.

Now, at the end of an exhausting though exhilarating day, Rey walked alongside Ben with unhurried steps. Amazingly enough, considering how and why she had come to be here, this was the first moment she’d had alone with him since the last time he walked with her toward her bedroom. And, just like then, the silence lengthened between them, although this time it was she who broke it.

“You were very quiet after dinner.”

He glanced toward her briefly and she returned the look, allowing the curiosity to shine in her gaze.

Dinner had concluded with a congenial conversation that eventually moved out to the sitting room. Although by tacit agreement discussion had carefully steered away from topics relating directly to Rey and the history she couldn’t remember, she had still learned quite a bit about these people who considered her to be family.

“I was happy just to listen,” he responded at length.

“Does that have something to do with why they didn’t like you at first?”

This time, his gaze lingered longer, a question lurking prominently.

“Poe told me that,” Rey said by way of explanation. “And Finn said something yesterday that makes more sense that way, too.”

She fell silent, willing him to take the hint. But as she studied his profile, his gaze directed resolutely away from her, she began to wonder whether he refused to explain or if he was just dense.

“So, why didn’t they like you?”

The way his lip curled and his gaze quickly lowered informed her that he wasn’t in the least bit dense. He had recognized her unspoken entreaty for information, and he was just as disinclined to grant it as he was the spoken version. And that deeply irritated Rey.

“Just something else I can’t handle knowing, huh?” she muttered bitterly, at last earning his direct gaze.

His brow furrowed and his mouth turned down in a way that let Rey know he was distinctly displeased by the implication of her snarky words. Aware of the context he lacked, Rey waved her hand in dismissal, already ashamed by her lack of restraint.

“Never mind,” she sighed. “Forget I mentioned it.”

“I won’t,” he responded, his tone one of concern rather than petulance. “Why did you say that? What do you mean?”

She sighed, circling back around to stand before him where he’d stopped walking. “It’s something Rose said. About why you’re keeping things from me.”

His expression shifted as he closed his eyes and nodded slightly, evidently understanding the cause for her bitterness now. His focus remained on the floor, and Rey noticed that his hands fidgeted, his fingers entwining with one another, as he stammered through his response.

“It’s not— I don’t think you’re not capable of handling anything, Rey. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I know you can handle a lot more than you probably realize. It’s just… It’s not anything wrong with you. It’s me.”

Rey frowned deeply but maintained her silence as Ben sighed.

“There’s a lot in my past that I’m not too proud of, and I don’t like talking about it. It’s completely selfish on my part, but…”

He sighed, and Rey had the clear impression he was deeply reluctant to admit what he burst out next.

“I’m stalling for your memories to return so I won’t have to.”

Rey stared at him, feeling even more intrigued and curious after that tantalizing bit of information. Everyone else was so open and forthcoming about their pasts. Poe had talked about the Resistance, Finn about the First Order, and Rose about the harsh childhood she and her sister endured. Between the three of them, she had a pretty clear picture of their pasts — despite that their viewpoints clashed rather significantly with the image she had previously acquired of the Second Galactic War. But Ben was still very much an enigma. She knew he was a Force user, knew he’d fought for the Resistance in the war, and…that was about it.

“Rey…”

Pulled from her thoughts, she found Ben gazing upon her in reluctant resignation. His hand moved toward her as though of its own accord, but conscious thought seemed to intervene before he managed to touch her, leaving his hand to hover senselessly near her cheek before slipping down to his side once more. He sighed softly and smiled gently, but she could see a deep well of sadness in his eyes.

“I know you have questions,” he murmured, his voice taking on an intimate timbre. “We’ll sit down tomorrow and I’ll give you as many answers as you want. But it’s been a long day and you should get some rest.”

She nodded. He was right, of course, but what she found even more alarming was how deeply she suddenly longed for his touch. It was ridiculous and she firmly ostracized the thought from her mind, but the effect that flushed her cheeks lingered as she wondered how long it would be before she would know the warmth of his embrace.

Turning away from him abruptly in horror at the unprompted thought, she took the last few steps toward Ben’s room, which had become officially hers for the time being. Although she knew it would be wisest for her to shut the door and remove herself both from the man and the errant thoughts his presence engendered, Rey nevertheless found herself leaning against the edge of the open door, her eyes fixed upon his throat since she couldn’t quite bring herself to meet his gaze. And then, belatedly, it occurred to her she couldn’t say anything that was on her mind: that she’d had a pleasant day, or that she liked his family, or — most absurdly — that she was grateful he had abducted her from her home to bring her here.

Unexpectedly, she recalled the moment she had come downstairs in her new/old dress obtained from Rose, the expression on his face as he stopped mid-sentence to stare at her, the way his throat bobbed before he could speak. She’d noticed him gazing at her at various points during the afternoon, too. At least once during the lengthy walk outdoors, and two or three times during dinner and the lingering conversation after. He didn’t try to hide what he clearly felt for her, and she supposed it wouldn’t make sense if he did. After all, what purpose would it serve for him to pretend he didn’t care when his whole objective was to make her understand he _did_ care?

The problem, of course, was that she enjoyed the attention from him. She liked seeing his reaction when she had been properly cleaned and dressed. She liked knowing that, given his way, he’d just stare at her all day long. She liked noticing how he constantly held himself back from touching her, and how he had even clenched his hands into fists when Poe had hugged her. She liked it all far too much…

…and where exactly did that leave Armie?

Confused and ashamed, Rey sighed and shook her head. But before she could complete the retreat into her bedroom, Ben’s voice reached her, impossibly gentle and all too enticing.

“Goodnight, Rey.”

Struck by a painful dryness in her throat, Rey didn’t trust herself to speak and therefore only nodded before closing the door with utmost care and utter silence. Safely ensconced away from him, Rey placed her hands flat on the interior of the door and took a deep, careful breath.

The truth was, she’d had a marvelous day, far more enjoyable than any other she could recall. In fact, given the twin truths that most of her days had been spent in solitude, and that the remainder were with a husband who was consistently more attentive to his various communication devices than her, she didn’t truly believe it was all that much of a stretch to imagine that she had literally _never_ had a day even closely comparable to this.

Which certainly didn’t help address her problem.

For a moment, she forced herself to imagine that everything Ben had told her — everything she’d learned today about this extended family, all of it — turned out to be a huge lie. Still, even then, Rey wondered if she would truly wish to return to Cholganna, to the energy shield carving out a sanctuary in the middle of a hostile jungle, to the stifling boredom that filled and overflowed every day, to the restrictions against things like flying and having people to talk to… She couldn’t see how she could want that for herself, and just where did that leave her?

As much as Poe and Rose professed to being fully open with her, it was clear to Rey that there were still secrets being withheld. Maybe they were benign, maybe they would be more hurtful than helpful, maybe they were intended to protect someone from something, maybe _anything_. But it still grated hard on Rey’s nerves that they were there.

She tried to be magnanimous where these issues were concerned, accepting that she clearly couldn’t grasp the implications of what she _did_ know, let alone what she didn’t. Through these efforts, she slowly came to realize she wasn’t really angry with any of them for keeping things from her. She had a firm enough understanding of the situation to suspect none of them were doing it out of spite or malicious intent. No, what she was truly angry with was her own lack of memory, the missing context that everyone else had, like an exclusive club into which she wasn’t permitted admission, only a wide-open view through the window. And it fueled her impatience to retrieve those memories.

Exhausted by the sheer fullness of the day, Rey shook her head and pushed her thoughts away. She didn’t know what her options were, _couldn’t_ know that until she knew her own self, her own history. But, as she gazed sadly down at the bracelet she had all but forgotten she still wore, she had to acknowledge that she secretly hoped that Ben’s story about her — as fantastic as it was — might turn out to be true. It meant a whole lot of horrible things had been going on for a long time, that she was a victim to the man she’d thought all this time loved her, but at least it also meant she would have a home, a place to belong, people who truly loved her and wanted her to be happy. Whereas the alternative…

Rey sighed heavily, her mind already spinning in useless circles. She just needed to sleep, and then she could start to muddle through this again tomorrow. But as she readied for bed and finally slipped beneath the cool sheets, she found her thoughts lingering again on the bracelet about her wrist. Other than her shoes, it was now the only remaining element from her life on Cholganna. But, whereas she may have once thought of it as a memento from her husband, now she couldn’t escape the sense that it was more like a key, one that symbolized the prison she had finally managed to escape. And it was with that thought, with a heart burdened by the life that could be nothing more than lies, that she slowly and reverently slipped the bracelet from her wrist and carefully set it aside. And it seemed she somehow breathed just that much easier as she fell asleep, her mind filled with tomorrow’s possibilities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m totally a numbers-oriented person, and I’ve been aiming for each chapter to come in around 4K words. Well, this one is closer to 8K! I didn’t have the heart to cut any of it, though. So I hope you found it engaging enough that you weren’t constantly shaking your fists at the screen and crying out, “KC! What the hell! I don’t give a shit about any of this!!!” If you did, though, be sure not to miss Ben’s conversation with Finn. Very important questions there…
> 
> So, are you ready for some answers?!?! Up next: The Force Well. But, be warned: in true JJ Abrams fashion (Remember, he’s the guy behind “Lost”!), all answers are accompanied by yet more questions. (Wasn’t that SOOOO aggravating about “Lost”?)
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading! And strap yourselves in for the ride! Major turning point coming up! (And…with that, I’m going to tape my figurative mouth shut and stop giving you spoilers!)
> 
> Love you all!!!!!


	11. The Force Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night disturbance brings some answers…and more questions.

“What?”

Declan sat up in his bed, blinking convulsively as he tried to determine just why he was awake. It was dark, the house still and silent in a way it only achieved in the dead of night. Glancing across the room, he could see Aileen in her bed, and a quick brush against her mind told him she was sound asleep.

Rubbing at his eyes, Declan listened for a moment, alert to anything that might have woken him. True, he wasn’t used to sleeping in the same room as his twin, but he didn’t think it was the unusual circumstances that had disturbed his sleep. With a belated thought, he reached out through the Force like Dad had shown them so many times. But, neither hearing nor sensing anything untoward, he shrugged his shoulders and laid down in the makeshift bed that had been set up in his sister’s room.

_Come to me_ …

Declan opened his eyes again, irritated this time. “What?”

_Come to me…_

“No,” he groaned, careful to keep his voice soft in deference to his slumbering sister. “I’m tired. I wanna sleep.”

Declan didn’t hear the voice anymore, but he still felt a tugging at his consciousness that he soon realized he couldn’t ignore. After a valiant effort toward reclaiming sleep, he sighed dramatically and flung his blankets back. Looking toward Aileen’s silent form, he considered waking her but quickly recanted the thought after recalling just how enormously cranky his sister was when roused from bed before she was well and ready.

“Alright,” he grumbled under his breath, deciding he would handle this himself as he rose to his feet, “where am I going?”

Following the strange compulsion, Declan soon found himself outside his dad’s room, where his mom-who-didn’t-know-she-was-his-mom was sleeping. He hesitated, frowning deeply at the door.

“I can’t go in there,” he whispered harshly, earning himself a sharp feeling in the lowest part of his stomach that made him feel like he was going to be sick. Gasping with the unpleasant sensation, Declan reached reluctantly for the doorknob, breathing a sigh of relief as he felt the sick feeling ease once he opened the door.

The room was just as dark as his, but he could see well enough to discern the bed where she must be sleeping. Closing his eyes, he could hear the deep, even breathing that seemed to confirm that suspicion. Paying attention to the weird sensation deep in his belly, he groaned softly when he realized it was leading him directly toward the bed. He shuffled forward, propelled by a hope that compliance would stymie the sick feeling, his eyes wide in an attempt to catch every stray bit of light he could.

As he approached, he saw his not-quite-mother’s face, relaxed and quite pretty in sleep. Sparing a moment to smile at her and hope that she remembered them all soon, he then turned aside in the direction he was being pulled. He found his hand reaching out, hovering over the few objects on the table beside her bed until he felt he’d reached the right one.

Under his hand, he saw a bracelet he’d noticed on her wrist when she’d arrived. It was metal, about two finger-widths wide, and gleamed with a shiny finish that begged to be touched. The moment his fingers closed around the bracelet, though, that sick feeling came back hard, and Declan fell with a harsh grunt.

 

*****

 

Ben sighed at the datapad, his eyes scanning back over the same information he’d read three times already and had failed to absorb just as often. Setting it aside, he cradled his head in his hands, giving into the topic his mind couldn’t seem to get around anyway: Rey. He had just leaned back on the bed borrowed from his son, his eyes closed and his mind absorbed by thoughts of his wife, when a low pulse of anxiety surged through him.

Startled to his feet, Ben reached out through the Force, immediately sensing something horribly wrong. Rey was still…not whole. Nothing was changed there. But his children… Just as Ben was able to determine that the problem centered on Declan, Aileen’s voice flooded his mind in alarm.

_Daddy!_

Before he could answer her, though, a scream rent the night, Rey’s voice crying out for him.

“Ben! _Ben!_ ”

Flung into instant panic, Ben tore from the room, racing down the hall to the opposite end where Rey slept, hearing her desperate cries the whole way. Thrusting her door open, he found her kneeling on the floor next to his son, whose whole body was jerking and seizing uncontrollably. With a wordless cry, Ben lunged forward, only to be physically diverted by a Force push at the same time that Aileen’s voice pounded through his head.

_Don’t touch him!_

Ben grunted in frustration as he righted himself and moved toward Declan on his knees. His eyes raked over his son’s form, seeing every muscle in his body fighting against itself to terrifying effect. Suddenly noticing the metal trinket gripped tight in his hand, Ben reached forward and—

“Don’t touch it, Dad!”

Ben jerked back in shock, his head spinning about wildly to see Aileen flying into the room, followed closely by Poe and Finn.

“Aileen, what—”

“Let Poe take it,” she pleaded, to which the pilot shouted a frantic, “Take what?”

Having seen the object of Ben’s reach, Rey circumvented both Aileen’s instruction and Poe’s confusion by reaching toward Declan and the object clutched in his hand, only to be confronted by a very angry little girl.

“You stay away from my brother!”

Rey froze, her wide gaze moving restlessly between Aileen, Ben, and Declan. Recognizing the stubborn finality in his daughter’s demeanor and caring for nothing so much as his son’s wellbeing at this moment, Ben turned and shouted to Poe.

“The bracelet, Poe! Take the bracelet!”

Finally understanding, the pilot rushed forward to do as instructed. The instant the bracelet left Declan’s grasp, his body fell limp against the floor with a rush of air from his lungs. Ben quickly gathered his son into his arms, only vaguely noting the lack of any objection from Aileen now. Quickly setting his hand against Declan’s temple, Ben closed his eyes and delved into his son’s consciousness. He found Aileen there too, and the two of them together quickly deduced a problem.

Declan’s Force energy was gone.

“What did you do to him!?”

Aileen’s frantic cry startled Ben, but not nearly as much as her physical attack on Rey. With a shout, Ben Force froze her on instinct, and he felt her furiously fighting against his hold.

“Aileen, stop!”

“No!” his daughter shrieked, tears pouring from her eyes already. “She did this! She’s here to tear us apart and you’re just too _stupid_ to see it!”

“ _Aileen!_ ”

The thunder of Ben’s voice stilled the room for an instant, an effect broken by Aileen’s sudden gasp as she broke down weeping. Pulling her in close to both himself and Declan as he released his Force hold on her, Ben looked up in desperation to find that Rose had joined them at some point as well. At a certain look from him, she stepped forward to extract Aileen from his arms.

“No, Daddy,” the little girl wept, clinging desperately to him.

“Aileen,” he admonished gently but firmly, “go with Rose. Let me figure this out.”

Reluctantly, she transferred her clinging from Ben to Rose, and Ben nodded to Finn, who came forward to do the same for Declan. Knowing his children to be in safe hands, Ben turned his attention to Rey, who appeared every bit as frantic as he felt.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know,” she groaned miserably. “I heard a noise and I woke up to find him like that on the floor.”

“What’s this bracelet, Rey?”

“It’s just the shield bracelet.”

“The one you used to get through the shield on Cholganna?”

“Yes!”

“That’s _not_ all it is!” Aileen interrupted furiously through her tears. “Can’t you _feel_ it, Daddy?”

Startled, Ben spun to look at his daughter. Her tear-stained eyes were wide on him, begging him to understand. At a quick gesture, Poe promptly came forward with the trinket in question and Aileen jerked violently against Rose’s hold.

“I won’t touch it, Aileen,” Ben reassured her quickly, earning himself a nod complete with flooded eyes and a trembling lip.

Turning his attention to the bracelet where Poe had set it on the floor near his knee, Ben extended his hand over it. Forced to take a moment first to calm his jangled nerves, Ben finally felt the familiar sickly feeling he’d encountered on Cholganna. Though considerably weaker, he sensed immediately it was part of the same effect, and Ben was reminded of his impression that the Force had had some part to play in these devices. But, considerably more alarming, he sensed something else there too.

Jerking aside sharply, Ben called for Aileen. At his side in an instant, Ben wasted no time with verbal communication and instantly conveyed between their minds what he wanted her to do. He watched as her trembling hand extended out over the bracelet, and Ben covered hers with his.

“Push past that stronger sensation,” he instructed her. “Do you feel that? There, behind it? Is that…?”

Ben hoped he was wrong, but the instant Aileen’s eyes sprang open and fixed on him with fresh tears, he knew. Despite his status as the boy’s father, Aileen’s bond with her twin brother was far stronger than either of the kids would ever likely experience throughout the remainder of their lives. And so, while Ben only suspected, Aileen _knew_ that the faint presence he sensed deep within the aura surrounding the bracelet belonged to his son.

This trinket, which was somehow connected to the shield on Cholganna, had stolen Declan’s Force energy.

Slowly, Ben’s astonished gaze lifted to Rey, the deep implications of this discovery only beginning to take shape in his mind. But before he could begin to make sense of any of it, Aileen’s panicked cry drew him back to her.

“It’s fading!”

Delving back toward the essence somehow stored within the bracelet, Ben searched for the presence Aileen had confirmed to belong to Declan. Indeed, it was far fainter than it had been a moment ago, as if his energy was being diverted…

Taking Aileen along with him on a sudden impulse, Ben dipped carefully into his son’s unconscious mind once again. While the exact mote of his energy that had a moment ago lingered in the bracelet was still gone from his mind, Ben did find that another measure of Declan’s Force energy had been reacquired. Reading her father’s discovery, Aileen squeaked in anxiety and wrenched herself out of Ben’s arms in order to hurry to Declan’s side where he yet lay in Poe’s embrace. Ben heard her gently coaxing her brother back to consciousness, but his own awareness was focused on Rey.

She met his gaze with trepidation, full of desperate confusion. Reeling with suspicions that seemed too huge to grasp, Ben diverted his attention to the bracelet once more. Plunging past the nauseating veneer that coated everything else it obscured, he searched for a familiar sensation, one he hadn’t felt clearly in nearly six years…and he found it. A deep well of it.

With a cry of dismay, Ben jerked himself away from the vile trinket. It wasn’t until he felt a hand on his shoulder and heard Finn’s concerned voice that he realized he had curled himself into a ball against the floor, his forehead pressed near his knees as he fought to control the dismay reeling through his body. Gasping desperately for breath, Ben pushed himself up.

“I’m alright,” he reassured Finn, at the same time trying to convince himself. “But we need to get rid of that thing.”

“Destroy it?” Poe asked as he retrieved the bracelet from the floor where he’d placed it only moments earlier.

Ben shook his head, uncertain whether he was heeding a legitimate instinct or a personal reluctance to destroy the precious cargo it held.

“No, but none of us can come anywhere near it. Not me, Aileen, Declan, or Rey.”

“Throw it in the lake,” Rose suggested.

“Yes,” he affirmed after brief consideration, his eyes falling on Poe. “Do that.”

Poe nodded and sprinted for the balcony, flinging the bracelet out over the lake below as far and hard as he could. Ben wasn’t sure if he actually heard or only imagined it hitting the surface of the water. Breathing a little easier now, Ben turned his attention to Aileen and Declan. Seeing his son conscious again, Ben felt a sudden weight lift from his shoulders as the boy hurried into his arms.

“Are you alright?” he murmured.

Declan nodded. “Aileen showed me what happened.”

“She showed you what _she_ saw. What did _you_ see?”

“I heard a voice.”

Dread gripped Ben fiercely, forcibly reminded of the voice that had invaded his childhood and diverted his life into darkness. Swallowing anxiously against his suddenly dry throat, he forced himself to remember that he and Rey, together, had defeated that threat a long time ago. Twice, even.

“What did it say?” he asked with irrational fear that it could all be happening all over again.

“It just said ‘come to me’ and it led me to the bracelet. But when I touched it… I don’t remember anything else.”

“Do you hear the voice now?”

Declan paused to listen for a moment before slowly shaking his head. Ben released the breath he’d held awaiting his son’s response, deeply relieved that his incident bore so little resemblance to what he’d experienced at Declan’s age. But before he could take any time to savor the certainty that his son was not doomed to the path he himself had once taken, his daughter’s furious accusations filled his head once more.

_It’s_ her _fault!_ She _brought it!_

“Aileen,” Ben snapped, using the firm, authoritarian voice he rarely used with either of his children, “stop it. Rey is as much its victim as Declan.”

Swiftly conveying to Aileen what he found in the bracelet during his last plunge inside it, her eyes widened in shock for a moment before hardening once more. He could tell she wasn’t convinced, but at least it was enough for her to call a truce on her attacks against Rey.

“What does that mean?”

Ben turned toward Rey, having to remind himself of the words he’d spoken before he could extricate her meaning. Noting the deep fear in her gaze, Ben reached instinctively for her hand, seeking to provide her some measure of comfort and reassurance despite the fact that he wasn’t quite sure yet how to put what he’d learned into words. To his mild surprise and vast delight, she gripped his hand tight in response, quite literally clinging to him and the strength he offered.

“Let’s go downstairs,” he suggested with a belabored sigh, “and I’ll explain it as well as I can.”

“All of us?” Declan asked, and Ben couldn’t help but smile a little at the sense that his son was more excited about getting to be up past his bedtime than anything else.

“Declan!” his twin admonished harshly. “You almost _died_!”

“No he didn’t, Aileen.”

Ben sighed again as everyone stared at him in confusion and amazement.

“I need some caf,” he moaned, “then I can try to explain.” He turned to meet Rey’s gaze. “Alright?”

Although he recognized the lingering doubt, especially in the way her eyes flickered momentarily toward Aileen, Rey nodded. With an encouraging smile, Ben climbed to his feet and helped Rey to hers. Within ten minutes, all of them were settled at the dining table, each with a steaming mug of some variety of hot beverage. Still, Ben hesitated as he struggled to determine how best to put his wildly disorganized thoughts into some semblance of coherence.

“The Force,” he began, feeling for all the galaxy like a Jedi master giving his padawans a lesson, “is like a water well. The Force energy we access builds up from inside us like water in the bottom of the well. When we tap into that energy, it’s like someone using a bucket to take water from the well. Water is removed, but it’s also replenished by the source, which is our access to the Force.

“We each have our own well, our own version of the Force. That’s what we recognize in each other as our Force signatures. That’s how you can tell me apart from Declan in the Force, right Aileen? It’s all water, but it’s _my_ water versus _Declan’s_ water,” he added for the benefit of the non-Force users watching him intently.

Aileen nodded her agreement, and Ben saw a few other nods around the table. Every gaze was alert and attentive, but he took a deep breath, preparing himself for the disturbing part of the analogy.

“The bracelet… _stole_ Declan’s Force energy, drained it right out of him and absorbed it into itself. When we found you,” Ben added quickly, focusing on his son, “your Force energy was gone, but Aileen and I found a trace of it in the bracelet.”

“Is it still gone?” he asked, a note of panic in his voice.

“No,” Ben assured him calmly and quickly. “No, it’s back now. It’s like the well, remember? The bracelet drained all the water in your well, but it didn’t affect the source. You just needed some time to build up your Force energy again. That’s what was happening while you were unconscious. You feel normal again to us now, right Aileen?”

She nodded enthusiastically, smiling warmly at her brother at her side before turning to her father.

“I felt it happen,” she explained. “I felt his Force energy drain so fast, and when I saw the bracelet in his hand and I felt it, I knew that was what had done it.”

“That’s how you knew I shouldn’t touch it?”

Aileen confirmed his supposition with a nod.

“But how come it never affected Rey like that?” Finn interjected suddenly.

“On Cholganna, Rey was living under an energy shield that protected her from the planet’s environment but also hid her and everything inside it completely. The only way she could penetrate the shield was by wearing that bracelet. The bracelet and the shield have the same essence, the same feeling.”

“The sick one?” Declan asked with a shudder, and Ben nodded, his gaze moving toward Rey and noting the light of recognition in her eyes.

“On Cholganna, I thought the shield was nullifying the Force. It felt very similar to such effects I’ve encountered before, but it was stronger, harsher, and now I understand why. It wasn’t suppressing the Force in me, it was _absorbing_ it. That’s also why it took so long for me to access the Force again after we left the shield,” he added to Rey directly. “It wasn’t that I needed to escape the field’s effects. It was that I needed time to build up my reserves again.”

“But— But you never seized like Declan did,” Rey objected.

“I’m older,” he answered with a slight shrug, “stronger, but it definitely affected me.”

“But _I_ never did…”

“Recover your access to the Force?” Ben supplied, recognizing her difficulty with knowing how to express what she was trying to say.

Rey nodded and Ben mirrored her gesture, having postulated a theory in this respect already.

“I was under the shield for six days, and it took me a good two hours to get my reserves back. How long were you there?”

Rey’s gaze lowered immediately, and Ben knew she understood his point even before she answered timidly, “At least four years.”

Ben felt his heart constrict against Rey’s dawning realization of what he was suggesting had been done to her all that time. He ached for her, but at the same time he itched for vengeance. As her body contracted inward, her shoulders hunching down and her head bowing low, he fought with the instinct to pull her into his arms, to offer her any comfort he might, knowing it would be entirely unwelcome. Despite his valiant effort, he found himself on the verge of breaking down, unable to endure the sight of her emotional agony, when Rose’s question distracted him.

“What did you find in the bracelet?”

“Rey,” Ben breathed, the weary concern that infected his voice drawing his confused wife’s eyes to him. “I found Rey’s Force energy. A lot of it. It’s been sucking her dry as long as she’s worn it.”

She started shaking her head before he even finished speaking, and Ben knew with absolute, gut-wrenching certainty that, in her mind, she was defending her beloved darling husband.

“But I’ve only worn it for three days. I hardly ever touched it on Cholganna, so it can’t be the reason why I don’t have the Force.”

“I _never_ touched it on Cholganna,” he retaliated fiercely, “and yet I lost my access to the Force when I reached that damn shield! It’s the same effect, the two of them, working together. As long as you were in that shield, the bracelet wasn’t needed.”

“No, that shield was there to protect—”

“It was there to rob you of who you are!” he shouted, suddenly angry and unable to contain his rage over the wrongs committed against her. “To subvert you and grind you down and make you submissive, to _believe_ you’re nothing when that was _never_ true!”

Ben stared intently into her wide, surprised gaze, only then becoming aware that he stood, his chair knocked back behind him and his fists planted firmly on the table as he leaned over it toward her. He froze a moment longer, breathing deeply and carefully to bring himself under control, all the while becoming increasingly aware of the silent stares from around the table. With a frustrated grunt, he pushed himself away from the table, turning his back on all of them as he slowly and painstakingly reasserted control.

He closed his eyes against his mind’s imagination of the things Hux had done to her, the things he’d been able to do because he’d stolen the two things most crucial to who she was. With neither her memories nor the Force to counteract his lies, she had been helpless against his machinations. He had never liked the man, not even when they had ostensibly been on the same side of the war, but never before had he despised him as thoroughly as he did now. The bloodlust that Ben felt rising within him as a product of his need for vengeance felt dangerously familiar.

And it was this thought, in conjunction with the awareness that his children could sense even a modicum of his mood, that allowed his fists to unclench, his face to rise, and his mind to calm. With a weary sigh, he righted his chair and returned to the table, a mumbled apology on his lips as he took the extra step of reaching out to Aileen at his side with a comforting grip of her hand. His eyes met Finn’s in a silent exchange, reassuring Rey’s oldest friend that he was under control, that the anger and frustration that had tempted him toward old habits had indeed passed.

“How does she get it back, then?” Finn asked once the enduring silence had become oppressive. “The Force, I mean.”

“The same way Declan and I did,” Ben sighed. “Time. I think it will come back to her with time. I just don’t know how much time…”

“Alright,” Finn decided, rising at Rey’s side and settling his hand gently on her shoulder. He smiled down at her, then across the table to Ben. “Then we wait.”

Ben watched in grim hopefulness as Rey met Finn’s smile with astonishment, then perused the rest of the faces around the table. When her eyes landed on him, he couldn’t meet them, still too raw from the realization of just how much had been taken from her — from them both. He rose slowly, nodding his agreement with Finn.

“It’s late,” he pointed out wearily, his gaze falling on his children. “I think we could all do with some sleep.”

After seeing the twins to their room and into their beds, Ben was still distracted by thoughts of Hux having broken Rey’s spirit, deeply disturbed by the unanswered questions regarding just _how_ he had managed such a feat. All he could figure was that the unknown Force user working with him — the one Ben had sensed on occasion and who he had assumed must be the mysterious hidden Emperor — was very powerful indeed. And he recognized for the first time that reclaiming Rey’s memories meant more than just regaining his wife.

By Rey’s estimation, she had been on Cholganna for four years, but she’d been missing for six. Ben could only hope that something in her memories of those two intervening years, of what she had seen or heard during that time, might offer some key to identifying and defeating that mysterious Force entity who had caused them all such personal angst. It was his dearest hope: that something worthwhile and good might come out of this whole ordeal.

Embracing a new sense of determination, Ben watched Rey silently from his bedroom doorway as the hall emptied. As she reached her door, her face lifted and her eyes met his. Her lips pulled in an uncertain smile and one hand made a half-hearted attempt toward a wave. He nodded, acknowledging her silent farewell for the night, though he found himself unable to lighten his mood with a smile of his own. He watched her intently as she entered her room and closed the door, resolving that tomorrow things would be different.

He would do everything he could to break down the walls the Emperor had erected over her memories, even so far as using the suppressed attraction he was already aware she felt toward him if necessary. He would tell her everything that had passed between them, of all the times and myriad ways they had both saved each other’s lives. And, if that failed, he would use her body’s memory, drawing upon the physical connection neither of them had ever been able to fully deny once they had met so long ago on Takodana.

Yes, one way or another, things would change tomorrow, and Ben shut himself in his room and fell asleep with that singular and all-consuming thought in mind. And it was perhaps for that reason that he was entirely unaware of the craft that landed nearly silently beyond the lake, of the three stealthy figures that approached and watched intently as his light — the last sign of wakefulness in the house — extinguished, of one’s gesture to the others that the countdown had commenced. Two hours to wait…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone remember “Time Bandits”? The scene at the very end where the kid yells out to his parents, “Don’t touch it! It’s evil!” And, stupid parents, they touch the bit of concentrated evil anyway and blow up. Well, that’s totally Aileen yelling at Ben. Fortunately, he’s not stupid! (Side note: I remember when I was little running to my mom and hugging her fiercely after watching that movie because I thought she was going to disappear… I remember her laughing at me!!!)
> 
> So, like I mentioned to several commenters a couple chapters ago, there’s far more to the bracelet than meets the eye! It’s a truly nefarious hunk of metal. But how? How, how, HOW…? (Just leading your frustrated questioning there a little. Don’t mind me!)
> 
> Up next: Invasion. Yes, it’s every bit as ominous as it sounds, but you knew that from that last paragraph of this chapter, right? The night’s not over yet…


	12. Invasion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing...Stealth Troopers!

TK-4297 was very good at his job, a fact he was reminded of at times like this, stealing through a quiet structure, the defense measures easily detected and overcome, the dormant occupants entirely unaware that their lives were about to come to an abrupt and most violent end.

As a member of the elite warriors who comprised the newest branch of the Imperial military, TK was fully aware of the profound impact he and his comrades had made upon the galaxy in the four short years since the Empire’s rise. The Emperor’s Stealth Troopers had in short time and with overwhelming success brought systems to heel, wielding the Emperor’s brutal brand of enforcement against those who dared to defy him. TK and his cohorts were feared above all else, known both for their vicious dedication to the Imperial cause and their willingness to achieve its goals no matter the cost to life and limb. The life and limb of their _victims_ , that was, because there were _always_ victims. And TK was inordinately proud to be part of the legacy he was helping the Emperor to build through the countless assassinations and stealth strikes of which he had already been an integral part.

Convinced by the disastrous outcomes of both the First and the Second Galactic Wars, TK knew the new Emperor had realized the folly of building bigger and more destructive weapons like the Death Star and Starkiller Base. After eliminating the Galactic Triumvirate in a very public execution, he had refocused the Empire’s efforts toward precision over brute force, and the Stealth Troopers were the overwhelmingly successful result.

Armed with secrecy, precision, and incomparable intelligence, the Stealth Troopers could infiltrate any stronghold, palace, or fortress—anywhere the Emperor’s enemies lay in wait. And they had. They had carried out their missions with such ruthless efficiency that there were very few systems, organizations, or individuals any longer who dared defy the Emperor. The Resistance was long since dead, and only a handful of Outer Rim systems yet remained outside Imperial influence, primarily because those systems had never cared much for the dynamics of galactic rule anyway, regardless of who precisely held the reigns of power at any given moment. Only one defense had ever proven effective against their superior training: the Force. And, with the last Force-user—the traitorous Kylo Ren—long dead, there was none left to challenge the Emperor’s might.

Nevertheless, there were still rumors of a safe haven for Resistance sympathizers, but TK knew it was only a matter of time before the Stealth Troopers’ practically invisible intelligence-gathering arm would root out the camp’s location. Once that happened, the largest mass of Stealth Troopers yet assembled would alight upon it and wipe it out, every life deemed guilty merely by its presence in the camp, and then the last remnant of resistance to the Empire’s absolute rule would be swept away. It would be a glorious day indeed, and TK, like many of his comrades, eagerly awaited the summons.

Until then, however, it seemed at times as though the Stealth Troopers had performed their function a little too well, since it left very little for them to do anymore. So, to have received an urgent summons from the Emperor himself for an immediate strike against an isolated location on Naboo was thrilling and exhilarating. So much so, that TK wondered if the excited thrumming of his heartbeat could be heard within the deathly stillness of the house as he crept silently through its hallways.

Checking the chronometer that was visible only through the night-vision lenses that graced his mask, TK saw that he had two minutes in which to complete the first phase of his mission. The intelligence provided to his team was that at least two adults and possibly two children slumbered within, but that they should be prepared for more. Given the inexactitude of this information, TK had determined that he and his two comrades should each identify their first target, coordinating their strike to eliminate as many as three lives simultaneously before moving on to locate the rest of their victims. As always, the aim was to accomplish their mission under cover of silence. If all went well, only the wet gurgling of blood in dying throats would mar the perfect stillness of the night.

One minute remaining, and TK had identified his target. As best he could tell through the color-leeching effect of his night-vision lenses, the figure breathing deep and steadily in the bed before him was a woman. Unfortunately, she lay curled on her side, offering neither her chest nor her back as a clean target for his blade. He would have to shove her over by her shoulder before plunging his knife in to its hilt, but it was a maneuver he’d accomplished many times before and he was confident this woman would not live to see the dawning.

Twenty seconds to go. TK raised his trusty blade in his right hand, positioning his left lower in front of him, ready to shove at her shoulder, as he took his last steps toward the sleeping form, counting down the last seconds of her life in his head now rather than relying on the chronometer. He could feel the surge of blood in his veins, whooshing in his ears, as the final seconds lengthened, his body ready and eager to complete his task, practically salivating with the thought of the life that was soon to become his to take as his muscles thrummed and vibrated with intensity.

Eight…seven…six…

A shout and a blaster bolt suddenly rent the night, and TK immediately recognized the impact of this interruption. Silently cursing the last few strides he yet required to reach his target, he took them quickly, but not before his victim opened her eyes and spied him. Ordinarily, this would have made no difference. Although the plan had already gone to shit for reasons he didn’t yet know, it still wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. He’d executed any number of missions without the benefit of a sleeping target. A woman staring at him in abject horror and screaming out her fear as he plunged his knife into her heart was no new occurrence for him. So, why exactly it was that he hesitated at all, he couldn’t rightly say, other than that the words that emerged from her lips were so very ludicrous…

“I am wife to the Supreme Leader!”

For whatever reason—whether curiosity, shock, or stupidity made no difference; the effect was the same—TK lurched to a halt, peering at the disheveled woman through the color distortion of his night-vision lenses, the hovering tip of his blade yet visible in the upper edge of his field of vision. And he laughed at her pathetic attempt to survive.

“Supreme Leader Hux has no wife,” he hissed savagely. “You lie.”

TK registered the widening of her eyes a mere instant before he advanced his last step to carry out his mission. But his hesitation had already cost him and, before he could drive his knife through the air and into her flesh, the plan went to shit yet again.

 

*****

 

Ben tore the door from its hinges with all the delicacy of a Star Destroyer and thrust his power through the Force into the threat he sensed on the other side before he even saw it. Once the mangled door cleared the path of his vision, he saw the Stealth Trooper fly across the room to impact with a sickening crunch against the far wall. Unwilling to risk the attacker’s survival and unable to forgive his attempt at ending Rey’s life, he seized the man’s arm through the Force and turned it inward, plunging the blade it gripped into his own chest, just as he’d intended to plunge it into Rey’s. A brief perusal of his vital signs confirming the inevitability of the assassin’s death, Ben promptly dismissed him from his thoughts.

Quickly striding forward and pulling Rey into his arms, he held her close, his hand cradling the back of her head as he felt the rapid sequence of events suddenly impact her and she burst into frightened, confused, and anguished tears.

“What…? Who…? Why…?” she stammered between wet sobs and heaving breaths, her mind as yet unable to process anything beyond the instinctive and yet pointless quest for understanding.

His senses having already flittered over her body to find she was physically unharmed, Ben shushed her softly at the same time his consciousness reached out to check on the children. Immediately breathing a sigh of relief to find both of them alive and unharmed, he was abruptly halted in his burgeoning solace when he saw through his bond with Aileen that the two of them held a second intruder in a Force freeze.

 _I’m coming_ , he told them succinctly, receiving only a sense of mingled alarm and comfort at his words. Recognizing the effort toward conscious thought to be beyond them at the moment, what with the concentration they required to maintain their hold on the intruder, Ben wordlessly released Rey and took her by the hand.

Swiftly deciding on the fly that the other adults in the house could fend for themselves for the time being, Ben pulled Rey along with him as he hurried toward their children. On the way, Ben quickly reached out through the Force, seeking to quantify all lives in the house. By the time he reached, the twins’ room, he knew that the man who’d attempted to attack Rey was already dead, a second would be soon, having sustained a blaster bolt to the abdomen, and every member of his extended family was alive and whole.

Once he thrust the kids’ door open, though, all rational thought left his mind. Dropping Rey’s hand, Ben thrust his arm out, seizing the man frozen in place at Aileen’s bedside, dagger raised for a killing strike, and tore him out of his exhausted children’s Force grip. He thrust him hard against the wall, pressing him there in place as he stalked toward him menacingly. And, as the man registered the abrupt change in his circumstances, Ben was astonished to hear a breathy voice hissing from beneath his mask.

“Kylo Ren!”

Narrowing his eyes in the sudden fury that gripped him, blinding him to all else, Ben seized the mask and tore it from the man’s face. He didn’t recognize him, but that didn’t mean much. Prodded on by the rage he felt at the threat to his wife and his children’s lives, Ben allowed himself to slip into the once familiar persona of Kylo Ren both in appearance and practice. His gaze intensifying fiercely, Ben’s hand lifted toward the man’s head and he plunged in, pulling the information he needed from his consciousness with ruthless efficiency.

Although the man sustained the pain of Ben’s assault with stoicism from all outward appearances, his mental defense was quite pathetic. Within moments, Ben knew everything he did, which, unfortunately, wasn’t much. Not more than three hours ago, he and his two comrades had received orders for an immediate strike at the coordinates corresponding to this house. Their orders were to eliminate every inhabitant, then to contact Supreme Leader Hux when the task was accomplished. By all means necessary, they were to leave no survivors and to remain with the bodies until they received further instructions after reporting in.

“How did you know of this location?” Ben questioned angrily.

His tongue loosened by Ben’s mental assault, the Trooper answered readily enough, “Coordinates came with the assignment.”

“From who? Hux?”

“Yes.”

Keenly aware of Rey standing behind him, Ben chose his next question entirely with the intent of her hearing the answer he already knew. “Your orders were to kill everyone?”

“Every man, woman, and child.”

“No one to be spared?”

“No one.”

And, suddenly, with a flash of insight he never anticipated, Ben knew what had happened. Recalling the sense that the Force energy in the bracelet was _leaving_ , rather than simply fading, Ben knew two things at once. That the stolen energy had been going to the Emperor, and that this was how the powerful Force-user had located them. His mind balked at the idea that the Emperor could be so nearby, and then he suddenly realized he wasn’t, that the call for immediate action reflected the Emperor’s concern that their location could change at any instant and that it could therefore not wait for however long it would take for him to arrive personally from wherever he may be in the galaxy.

“Where are you stationed?” Ben asked on sudden inspiration.

“Theed.”

Ben seethed. He’d known of the Imperial base at Theed, of course. In fact, it was a major factor in their strategy of settling here. After all, despite that the base lay nearly on the other side of the planet from their peaceful home, who would think to seek the Empire’s enemies so close within its own shadow? But this confirmed that the transfer of Declan and Rey’s Force energy from the bracelet to the Emperor yet could have prompted this attack simply by the Emperor—via Hux—issuing orders to a strike team within easy distance of the location in question.

Which meant Ben now recognized his mistake in blithely sending everyone back to bed in the wake of the events only a few hours earlier.

“Declan, Aileen,” Ben called suddenly, knowing what he had to do now and refusing to allow them to witness it. “Leave the room.”

To his astonishment, they refused. In fact, Aileen even approached him, her eyes dark, hard, and angry, focused on the man in Ben’s Force grip.

“Let me do it, Father.”

Ben stared, blinking in astonishment and dismay at the sight of his daughter’s bloodlust. More effectively shaking him out of his former dark persona than anything ever had before in his life, Ben swiftly made the decision and shut down the Stealth Trooper’s consciousness, thrusting him into sleep and leaving him to slump to the floor. He met Aileen’s gaze then, challenging the darkness he saw there. Although it sustained, he saw her regain control, and she nodded curtly.

Looking up for the first time since entering the room, Ben wasn’t entirely surprised to find the rest of the household standing at the doorway, crowding around to peer inside. But it was Rey who drew his attention with the strength of a black hole, her expression a mixture of shock, fear, and fury.

“What did he mean by saying _Kylo Ren_?”

Frowning in surprise and confusion that this should be the detail of his interrogation that she should latch onto, Ben quickly dismissed the inquiry from his mind as his friends entered the room and he saw Finn’s shoulder covered in blood.

“He’ll be alright,” Poe quickly offered, noticing the bent of Ben’s gaze. “The other intruder is dead and I don’t think there are more.”

“There aren’t,” Ben confirmed. “When’s the last time you checked on the retreat?”

“Six weeks ago. I haven’t been able to get there as much as I’d like since it’s so far—”

“Don’t—” Ben stopped him abruptly, his gaze flickering toward Rey. “Don’t say where. I think the link is broken, but I’ve been wrong every step of the way so far, so I’m not risking it.”

Poe, Finn, and Rose all nodded their agreement, more than one of them glancing toward Rey, just as Ben had.

“You don’t trust me!” Rey exclaimed, suddenly understanding the furtive glances.

Angered both with himself and his inability to adequately understand all the hidden dynamics that had so impacted them all tonight, Ben advanced swiftly on Rey, righteous indignation burning deep in his eyes.

“Who is your husband?” he demanded harshly.

Suppressing her initial instinct to fall back in the face of Ben’s advance, Rey quickly recovered her wits and stared up at him defiantly.

“Armitage Hux is my husband!”

“Then of _course_ I don’t trust you!” Ben seethed furiously.

Only belatedly recognizing the verbal trap into which she had set herself so neatly, Rey narrowed her eyes, glaring daggers at Ben. When he refused to back down from their silent battle of wills, she huffed out an angry breath and turned aside, swiftly disappearing from the room. Biting back a curse, Ben raked his hands through his hair and quickly determined there were more important things than chasing after her right now. He could feel her location through the Force, and he knew he’d be able to find her when it was time to go, so he shook his head when Finn’s inquiring gaze asked him if he wanted him to run after her.

“It’s time to leave,” Ben announced to his assembled family. “Within twenty minutes. No more. And make sure to check the ships for trackers before taking off. I’ll join you there as soon as I can.”

Ben saw the change in their gazes as they realized he wasn’t coming with them, but he also saw the resolve. Poe grit his teeth and turned on his heel, running toward the stairs to fire up the ships and make sure their escape would be clean. Finn nodded sadly and hurried with somewhat less enthusiasm toward his and Poe’s room. Rose’s eyes filled instantly with tears and she reach impulsively to embrace Ben very briefly before following Finn’s example. Taking a deep breath, Ben turned toward his children, but his efforts toward instructing them on quickly choosing the very few things they could take with them were quickly thwarted by a willful eight-year-old girl.

“Where are _you_ going?” Aileen demanded.

“I have to take Rey away to make sure she’s not leading anyone else toward you.”

Shaking her head violently, Aileen wailed. “Leave her here! We don’t need her anyway. She doesn’t even remember us.”

Ben dropped to his knees and took his daughter’s shoulders gently in his hands, saying earnestly and regretfully, “I can’t do that, Aileen.”

“But you _can_ leave us again!” she accused viciously, tears suddenly streaking down her cheeks. “She doesn’t need you, Daddy. She doesn’t want you. But we do!”

“Aileen…” Ben murmured, his heart breaking not only for his little girl but also for the horrible truth she hurled at him without remorse.

“I hate her! I wish you’d never found her! I wish she’d stayed lost forever!”

Before Ben could react, Aileen thrust his hands viciously from her and she bolted. Rather than give chase, he reached out to her through the Force, but she swiftly and ruthlessly shut him out. Hunching forward with his fists braced against the floor, Ben felt the weight of Aileen’s pain on his shoulders. Struggling to contain his own emotions, he suddenly found strength through his son.

Declan placed a hand on his father’s back at the same time that his soothing presence pushed at the entry to Ben’s mind. Grateful for the comfort Declan offered, Ben embraced him both in his mind and his arms as the little boy wept his own tears.

“I love you, Daddy.”

Ben repaid the sentiment through a severely broken voice. But before he could ask his son to make sure his sister was safe and making her necessary preparations for their departure, Declan pushed his way gently but firmly out of Ben’s arms with that task already in mind. But before he left the room, he turned back to look upon his father with deep grief in his eyes.

“I hope you and Mom can come back to us soon.”

Ben nodded, heavy with sorrow. “Me too, Declan.”

After only another moment of hesitation, Declan bowed his head and backed out of view. Overcome, Ben pressed his hands into the floor, his fingers gripping the plush carpeting as he cried out a soundless scream in his mind, berating himself for the damage he’d done by being so anxious to bring Rey home without considering the possible repercussions.

Allowing himself only a moment to indulge in his guilt and misery, Ben rose swiftly. Stopping first in Declan’s room, he began haphazardly throwing essentials into a knapsack, then did the same for Rey’s few belongings in his room whilst ignoring the mangled and blood-soaked corpse against the wall.

The house was filled with the sounds of activity as everyone went diligently about the task of packing up whatever essentials they couldn’t live without. The family’s shuttle and Poe’s X-Wing were already running outside, and he could hear someone in the kitchen throwing foodstuffs into crates. As he finished up in Rey’s room, he heard the children pass by toward their rooms, still arguing with one another but recognizing they could either grab what they wanted or leave with nothing.

Once he was finished and ready to leave, Ben hesitated momentarily, wondering if he should take a moment to say goodbye to his friends. Whether in an effort to avoid any further emotional turmoil or legitimately heeding his instinct to hurry, Ben couldn’t say, but he swiftly though reluctantly decided against searching them out. He knew they would understand his urgency and forgive him his social gaffe. Besides, he was confident he’d see them all again soon.

Wasn’t he?

Slinging the two stuffed bags over his shoulder, Ben hurried downstairs and through the back entry, thankfully encountering no one along the way. He smiled grimly when he noticed Poe had taken the time to start his shuttle as well, and instinct informed him the pilot had also completed a tracker sweep as well. Resisting the temptation to turn around and gaze upon this house that had been his family’s home for over a year, he boarded the shuttle and took off.

Flying low over the field, he shook his head when he saw how far Rey had managed to run in just the handful of minutes since she left the house. Bringing the shuttle in for a landing, he watched through the viewport as she took a sharp turn and continued running from him. Not bothering to stifle his curse this time, he slapped the control and leaped from the partially open ramp as soon as he could fit through the opening.

“Rey!” he shouted after her, running flat out to reach her.

Rather than answer, she just ran faster. Grunting in frustration, he knew he could resort to Force freezing her but, for some reason, that felt to be a step too far. She was going to leave here with him. She didn’t have a choice in the matter. Using the Force to compel her compliance, however, just seemed wrong. So, instead, he ran faster, too.

Even though she had already been running for several minutes longer than he, she still didn’t make it any easier on him. He could hear her panting and whimpering as he drew close, but she only pushed herself harder, forcing him to leap and bodily tackle her in order to get her to stop. Reneging on his Force moratorium at the last instant, he threw a buffer out in front of them, catching them both on a Force cushion that subsequently lowered them gently to the ground with no injuries. Of course, by the time his hands were on her, injury from a fall was the least of his concerns.

“No!” she screamed as they rolled together in the tall grasses, her tone one of sheer terror that immediately alarmed him. “Let me go!”

“Rey! Calm down! It’s me!” he shouted, figuring she must have mistaken him for one of the assassins.

“I _know_ it’s you!”

Startled by the utter panic he finally noted in her eyes, he reared back just far enough for her to thrust her fist into his jaw. Rolling off her at the same moment she shrieked the same instruction at him, he pressed a hand to his cheek even though she hadn’t struck him hard enough to hurt, his eyes wide and unbelieving as she pushed herself onto her knees, poised to flee.

“Rey, stop!”

She did suddenly, her chest heaving as she stared at him with wild, panicked eyes.

“What—?”

“I’m not going anywhere with you!”

Taken completely aback by her words, Ben responded instinctively in what he immediately realized was probably not the best manner possible.

“The hell you aren’t!”

Exhaling harshly in frustration with himself at the same instant her eyes widened at his words, Ben quickly shook his head.

“What do you want to do?” he challenged fiercely. “Stay here and wait for Hux to send someone to kill you?”

“No! He wouldn’t—”

“He already _did_ , Rey! Or did you not notice the Death Trooper aiming a knife for your heart just a little bit ago?”

“He just didn’t know who I am!” she shrieked frantically.

“He didn’t care!” he thundered louder. “I saw into his mind, Rey. He had orders to kill _everyone_ in that house, no matter who. He was _not_ going to spare you. For anything!”

Rather than yelling back at him, she stared, her gaze furious, her jaw flapping as she tried repeatedly to find a response. And, suddenly, his anger evaporated.

“Rey… When will you believe me? He is _not_ who you think he is.”

“No!” she countered angrily, tears suddenly springing into her eyes as she set her palms on his shoulders and shoved. “ _You_ aren’t!”

Having been perched precariously on his knees, her push was hard enough to send him teetering over his toes to fall heavily on his back. She followed, ending up straddling his waist as she hovered over him, her hands gripping his shirt at the same time they beat into his chest.

“You’ve lied to me since you first saw me, making me think you’re something you’re not, making _me_ think I’m something I’m not, that I could be more than I am. And it’s all a lie!” she shrieked, heaving desperately. “You bring me here and show me a family, _tease_ me with what I’ve never had and always wanted, and I don’t know _why_ you’re doing this to me but it’s horrible and cruel and I _hate_ you!”

With one last strike at his chest, she pushed herself off him, curling into a ball and weeping uncontrollably. Blinking in confusion, Ben was torn by the simultaneous and incompatible needs to understand where all this was coming from and to get her away from here. Climbing back onto his knees, he reached out and placed his hand against Rey’s shoulder, feeling her body shuddering under the weight of his touch.

“You told me I wasn’t your prisoner,” she moaned behind her hands. “So let me go.”

Moved by the misery in her voice, Ben bent forward, settling his forehead against the back of his hand.

“I won’t risk your life, Rey,” he confessed in low tones. “You know you can’t stay here. You know they’ll come and try again. I won’t leave you here.”

She didn’t respond, but the trembling in her shoulders subsided. After a moment, she sat up, though she steadfastly refused to meet his gaze. Instinct informing him that time was running out fast, Ben sighed heavily.

“Rey, you’re coming with me,” he vowed, his tone apologetic but also equally firm. “I can Force sleep you and carry you onto my shuttle, just like I did on Cholganna, or you can walk. That’s the only choice you get right now.”

She turned to him sharply then, her eyes—though red—narrowed and furious as they glared into his.

“I hate you,” she hissed venomously, to which Ben merely nodded.

“As long as you’re alive, I’m alright with that.”

He stood and held his hand down to her, but she only gave it a disdainful look then rose without his help. Squaring her shoulders with as much dignity as she could muster covered in dirt and tears, she walked toward the shuttle, and Ben followed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… Stealth Troopers. Like space SEALs. What do you think? Scarier than a Death Star? Or less so? And what on earth is with Rey all of a sudden?
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I am available on Tumblr as KCMarsala, if you’d like to stop by and check out my first ever mood board! And, as always, please comment to let me know what you think of the story!!!
> 
> I need to make a revision to my posting schedule. I was trying for a little there to do two updates a week, and I just can’t sustain that. (Got caught up too quickly to where I’m currently working!) But weekly postings just seem too far apart, too. So here’s what I’m going to do… From now on, I commit to you that a new chapter will be posted within a week of each previous update, but there’s no telling what day that will be. Since today is Friday 6/15, that means you can expect the next chapter to be posted no later than Friday 6/22, but it could be sooner. Got it?
> 
> I’m afraid I can’t give you a teaser for the next chapter since it’s still as-yet untitled. But I do want to give an early shout out of immense gratitude to LadyWinterlight for helping me through some sticky points in that chapter. Thank you so so much, my dear!!!


	13. The Deeds of Kylo Ren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey have a long overdue talk, but it doesn’t go the way either of them expect.

Rey stared toward the back of the shuttle, trying valiantly to imagine she was alone. The problem, though, was that this shuttle was a damnable utilitarian thing, designed for short trips and certainly no measure of privacy. It had been retrofitted with an essentials-only refresher, but the thought of sitting in a closet-sized enclosure with embarrassingly thin walls whilst balanced on the waste collection unit and battling for knee space was entirely unappealing.

Rey sat hunched in the rear corner of the bench tucked behind the co-pilot’s seat, which struck her as uncomfortably reminiscent of her first trip in this shuttle, from Cholganna to Naboo. She could look forward beyond the windowless hold of the tiny shuttle and through the cockpit viewports, but not without catching sight of the back of Ben’s head in the process, which was even less desirable than contemplating the mirroring bench across the way. But even a quick glimpse past the seat backs and the man she wished she could ignore revealed the constant streaking of starlines that informed her they were still in hyperspace.

Not for the first time, Rey had to quell a sudden surge of despair deep in her heart, one that threatened an accompanying surge of tears in her eyes. She couldn’t combat the misery that engulfed her. Having been stolen away against her will for the second time, she couldn’t help but mourn the loss of the house on Naboo, where she had witnessed glimpses of happiness and fulfillment, even if she hadn’t yet experienced them herself. But, for the first time she could remember, there had been a hope of exactly that. Yesterday in particular—Maker, had it really only been _yesterday_?—had afforded her clear glimpses of what embracing this strange family could mean for her: inclusion, dedication, even love. And, while she wanted to blame the loss of that squarely on her abductor’s shoulders, she in all honesty couldn’t quite do so since she had brought the danger to them herself, just as they had feared.

Assailed by the memory of Declan jerking repeatedly and violently against the floor, Rey had to stifle an agonized moan. This boy, this precious child who had shown her nothing but kindness and devotion since her arrival, had been harmed by an object she had brought into their midst. Granted, she hadn’t known the danger that lurked within its deceptively benign appearance—surely she wouldn’t have brought it anywhere near any of them _had_ she known—but that didn’t change anything. It had been her bracelet that had hurt him, however transiently. Ignorance could only excuse her culpability so far.

And the assassins…

She didn’t understand _how_ they could be connected to the bracelet, but the correlation between the Emperor’s Stealth Troopers and a bracelet provided by his Supreme Leader simply couldn’t be ignored. Instinct informed her that all had been well…until she’d taken the blasted thing off. And she’d only done that because she had started sensing that, as much as she loved Armie, she did not yearn for the life of isolation she had lived with him—or, more accurately, without him. And it was that act of betrayal against her husband, of allowing herself however abstractly to imagine a different life, that had triggered the course of events that left her here…

…with a lying murderer.

Turning her face away quickly when the murderer in question began to turn his attention toward her, Rey stared resolutely across the confined space, keenly aware of Ben’s eyes on her but refusing to acknowledge them. She hated him. Hated everything he stood for. Hated his lies and deceptions. Hated his domineering tactics. Hated the alternative he represented. Hated the family he’d managed to make her long for in so incredibly short a time. Hated the sense of inadequacy he drove into her where her former life on Cholganna was concerned. Hated the longing he bred within her to embrace everything he had, knew, and was. And hated herself most for all of it.

“Rey, please talk to me.”

As she had with each of his previous entreaties, she steadfastly refused. Setting her jaw, she turned even further away from him, staring with hardened eyes at the door at the back of the shuttle, as far from him as she could manage in such cramped quarters. She knew he could sense something of what she was feeling. She’d spent enough time around him and now also his children to know that was some feature of the Force thing they all had. But his constant nagging for her to tell him what was roiling through her head informed her that, no matter what he could sense from her, it wasn’t enough to explain why she hated him so violently. Nor why it had come on with such a vengeance when she had been so ready and disgustingly eager to learn more about him only last evening. In spite of herself, a frisson of empathy snaked through her mind, recognizing just how confusing and frustrating her sudden shift in attitude must be for him. But she ruthlessly and thoroughly quashed the instinct toward remorse in her mind, reminding herself that the man responsible for destroying her life deserved no amount of sympathy.

Suddenly, he cursed violently, turning sideways in the pilot seat and propping one arm up over the back of the chair. Rey had the distinct impression he had felt the violent resolution with which she had just turned her mind against him. Still, she had managed to retain her silent resolve until an abrupt torrent of words from his lips pulled the same from hers.

“If you’re going to hate me, at least tell me why!”

“You took everything from me!”

“What are you talking about?” he demanded hotly without pause. “I’m trying to _give_ you everything! How much did you really lose by leaving Cholganna?”

Narrowing her eyes in annoyance and disgust, she spat out, “Not that. Before.”

“Before when? I’ve spent six years trying to find you. Are you blaming me for not finding you sooner?”

Utterly disgusted by him, she stared incredulously. The truth had been exposed despite his best efforts to hide it, and surely he knew that. So why persist in this charade? Quickly deciding he simply wasn’t worth the effort, she scoffed at him and turned away, muttering darkly, “It doesn’t matter.”

But her disdain clearly got to him, and he rose, advancing on her savagely.

“It _does_ matter! Don’t you turn away from me, Rey. Tell me what’s really going on in that fucked up head of yours!”

“You’ve lied to me from the start!” she shouted, allowing her own fury to help her suppress the fear she instinctively felt upon witnessing the rage in his eyes. Rather than cowering in her corner, she met him toe to toe as she yelled up at him with all the anguish she could no longer contain. “Every word!”

“How do you know?” he sniped at her sarcastically. “You can’t remember anything!”

“I know enough!”

“I seriously doubt—”

“I know you’re Kylo Ren!”

To her utter surprise, though, he didn’t back down in shame, confronted by the truth he’d tried so hard to keep from her. Instead, he met her squarely, his eyes flashing passionately as they bore into hers.

“I _was_ ,” he corrected her with a baleful air. “I haven’t been him for a long time now. And do you know who rescued me from that fuck up of a life? You, Rey. _You!_ Despite all my efforts to the contrary!”

She wanted to turn away, to retreat to her sullen isolation, to ignore the pounding in her chest as he forced her to confront the crimes he himself had committed against her body and mind. But the sheer audacity of his claim infuriated her so thoroughly, she had no control anymore.

“No! You destroyed my life! You took everything from me!”

“What are you talking about!?” he cried in obvious frustration. “What did I take from you?”

“Everything! My memories, my career, my life… You’re the reason I’m completely helpless and hopeless!”

In striking contrast to the constant yelling he had been participating in up until then, he hesitated a moment, his eyes narrowing, then he spoke in a deathly low timbre that only enraged her all the more.

“What in seven hells have you been told?”

“You attacked me!” she accused, striking at him in some pathetic imitation of what he’d done to her years ago. “You attacked my husband and put me in a coma that cost me my child and any chance to be a mother. It’s because of what you did that I was scared enough to stay in that bubble on Cholganna for the rest of my life. If my head is fucked up, it’s your fault!”

She stared up at him, her breath heaving shakily through her chest and throat as he met her gaze with shocked horror. When he failed to respond, his eyes leaping frantically over her angry countenance as he struggled to find words, she plunged the figurative knife and twisted it hard.

“And I didn’t need to be told. I’ve _seen_ it!”

Observing the deep confusion and distress in his face, Rey felt a dark and grim satisfaction take hold of her, and she spun away from him, retreating to her bench, her back toward him as she hunched forward with her own misery. Squeezing her eyes shut against the mental images that flowed through her memory, drawn from the dreams that had haunted her repeatedly over the years, Rey put all her concentration into withholding her tears.

She knew who her true enemy was. In fact, she had always known. But now she knew that, despite his pretenses toward something else, Ben _was_ her enemy. As Kylo Ren, he had wronged her far more deeply than a lonely sanctuary of safety and protection ever could, more than _Armie_ ever could. For all his talk of locked doors in her mind, _he_ was the reason she had no memory of the life she’d lived before Cholganna. She didn’t understand the things he talked of, about his Rey having saved him from being Kylo Ren… It didn’t make any sense. But she knew he couldn’t hide from the crimes he’d committed against her, and it infuriated her that he’d tried to do exactly that by hiding his true identity.

“Rey…”

She groaned when he knelt down beside her, so close that she had no escape from him. Thankfully, he didn’t touch her, but the entreaty in his eyes was desperate, needy, and Rey hid her face in abject misery from him.

“I don’t understand. What do you mean, you’ve seen it?”

But she just shook her head, refusing to put the horrid scene she’d been subjected to so often in her sleep into words.

“You don’t have to say it,” he assured her, evidently picking up on her reluctance to speak of it. “Picture it in your mind. Show me what you’ve seen. _Please_.”

She peered suspiciously at him from between her fingers, and his expression was so concerned, so heart-wrenchingly _honest_ , even though she knew it wasn’t. And, inexplicably, she found herself wanting him to understand the full extent of her misery. She told herself as she nodded that it was in punishment, subjecting him to the full knowledge of what he’d done to her. But she couldn’t completely escape the awareness that it was also that she felt she owed him the explanation.

Picturing the dream without difficulty, it being so painfully close in her memory despite never having deliberately reached for it before, Rey closed her eyes as Ben set one hand against the side of her head. She felt nothing, either inside or outside her skull, and she thought his ability to view her memory had failed him until he fell back with a sound of dismay and horror escaping from his throat.

_You must survive. Swear it to me._

_No, I can’t._

_You can, and you must. For them. Survive. For them._

_Not without you!_

For _me…_

The voices she had heard so many times in her nightmare echoed in her mind as she peered at her malefactor with accusatory eyes. But the sadness in his gaze—a profound well of anguish that clearly burdened him heavily—surprised her.

“I remember that…”

And, with this confirmation that he had indeed inflicted the injury that had left her in a coma and unable to bear children, her heart hardened against him.

“…but it’s all wrong.”

Rey frowned, jarred by his unexpected words. “What?”

“Your memory has been altered. That’s not how it happened.”

Without warning, Ben reached forward and grasped Rey’s hand. She attempted to pull back from him, but she couldn’t break his grip before he’d pressed her palm against his hair and she was suddenly assailed by a memory she knew instinctively came from him. And, like he’d said, it was all wrong.

Rey saw the same scene that had tormented her so many nights. Saw the man she loved more than life kneeling in subjugation upon the floor as she stood by. Heard the words exchanged between them, knowing he was pleading with her to survive for the sake of the children she already sheltered within her body. Felt the malevolent unseen presence as his execution was ordered. But where she was accustomed to seeing Armie, she saw Ben. And where she’d always heard a man’s voice she recognized as Kylo Ren’s, she heard instead the high timbre of a woman’s voice in eerily cold tones.

“You saved _me_ that day,” Ben told her, his gaze intense. “Hux wasn’t there.”

Transfixed by his eyes a moment longer, Rey started shaking her head frantically as she snatched her hand back from his grip. As fantastic as it seemed to imagine someone being able to change a memory, it was undeniable that it had happened. There was no other explanation, given two memories that so closely paralleled each other. But that didn’t help her know which one to believe.

“That was Declan and Aileen you carried, and you drew on their power in the Force to save us all.”

Of its own accord, Rey’s hand strayed to her belly, ghosting alongside the womb inside that she had only ever known as a source of angst and frustration. In the version that she knew, she had also been pregnant, but she’d lost the child thanks to the strike she’d suffered in that moment. Now, assessing the haunting dream in ways she never had before, she wondered if she had ever been aware of there being twins, or even the fact that the man she’d always thought to be Armie had referred to multiple children.

“Who attacked me, then?” Rey demanded, her tone still harsh, not yet willing to relinquish her fury. “If not you, who?”

“Her name was Cerisse,” Ben explained calmly. “She was a subordinate of mine when I was in the First Order, but she had been possessed by Snoke, attempting to take his revenge on me for killing him.”

“So you admit to your treachery!” she shouted, simultaneously jubilant and skeptical at his admission of guilt.

To her surprise, his gaze hardened, mirroring hers, as he added meaningfully, “Yes. I killed my master in order to spare you.”

“No, stop!” she shouted, throwing up her hands against the problematic details of that statement that she suspected was intended to throw her off track.. “You’re just confusing me! If you didn’t put me in a coma, who did?”

Ben took a moment to breathe deeply, then he spoke carefully. “I’m not certain you were ever in a coma, Rey.”

Incredulous, she stammered, valiantly trying and failing repeatedly to give voice to her deep confusion until Ben shook his head, taking pity on her.

“You woke up on Cholganna,” he explained, “disoriented. You had no idea where you were or what had happened until someone explained it to you. Am I right? How is that any different from waking up after I put you into a Force sleep when we left there? If someone had blocked your memories while you were unconscious, you would be entirely at the mercy of whatever someone chose to tell you when you woke up. So, no, Rey, I don’t think there was a coma. It was just an excuse. A story. A way to control you.”

Rey shook her head, turning away from him. She didn’t want to hear this venom spewed against her husband, born of the vitriol and hatred she knew flowed between them. But even as she attempted to squeeze the sound of Ben’s voice from her head, the infallible logic he espoused gripped and held her tight.

The scenario he proposed was entirely plausible, in and of itself. After all, hadn’t she for months or perhaps even years now been consumed by the sense that something wasn’t quite right in her life? The horrible dream—which Ben had already subverted enough that Rey didn’t know what to believe anymore—but also all those flashes of insight, momentary nudges of instinct that tried time and again to tell her that not all was as it should be.

Suddenly, as if on cue, Rey recalled the latest of these flashes, one she’d felt during Armie’s last visit. It had been so strong that she’d even asked him if he’d ever worn his hair longer, desperate for him to provide the tiniest bit of hope that the phantom sensation of running her fingers through long, silky hair was merely that: a phantom. He hadn’t though, leaving her with an unresolvable dissonance between the memory contained in her hands and the logic contained in her mind.

Now, here before her was another man who offered her a theory, an alternative to the only life she’d ever known. And, amazingly enough, it even involved an explanation for why she would have a flash on kissing a man whilst threading her fingers through silky locks.

Like Ben’s.

She’d never told him about that flash. In fact, she’d never told him about _any_ of her flashes or dreams or thoughts that something wasn’t quite right in her sheltered little world on Cholganna. And yet, here he was, his explanations making all too much sense for her peace of mind.

“No,” she denied flatly, clinging however desperately to the hope that everything she had ever known was not just a lie. “No, Armie would never do that to me.”

Ben sighed as though he’d held his breath through her silence. He bowed his head low, and Rey couldn’t shake the sense that his fury was building, bubbling up from a low, impossibly deep reservoir. But when he spoke, he did so with measured calm that belied the passion behind his words.

“I can’t say what _Armie_ would or wouldn’t do, Rey,” he responded in a menacing timbre. “You and I clearly have very different views of his nature. I don’t know why he imprisoned you the way he did. I can’t fathom what purpose it served him. But if he needed you docile, he would have no other choice than to suppress your memories. The Rey I know would never stand for it, would never stop fighting for her freedom, for her family. She would _die_ before allowing him to win.”

“I’m not her.”

As if waking to the realization of what he’d said, Ben’s eyes widened. “I didn’t mean—”

“But it’s what you said!” she countered swiftly. “The Rey you know sounds amazing, Ben. I wish I could meet her, because she’s not anything like me. _Fighting_ …? I can’t even pick an argument with a droid! I may think tough, but when it comes right down to it… Nothing. There’s just nothing.”

“No, that’s not true. It’s just what you’ve been conditioned to.”

“Maybe that’s best.”

“No… Rey… You’ll see—”

“Maybe I don’t want to see.”

“You’ve already beaten so much, overcome hardships that broke others, and you will again. You’re _strong_ , Rey! You’re a fighter, and you’ll never—”

“I’m not _her!_ ” she shrieked suddenly, her frustration having reached the breaking point as he persisted in describing this stranger she was supposed to be. “This Rey you describe, the woman you love, your _wife,_ is not me! _Strong_? There’s nothing strong about me at all! I spent the last four years sequestered in a hole in the jungle in order to stay _safe_. Those are not the actions of a fighter or someone who overcomes hardships. I’m weak, Ben! If you turned me loose out in the middle of nowhere, I wouldn’t last. This capable, determined, resilient person you describe… I don’t know who she is. _I’ve_ certainly never met her. Everything you say about her, everything she is, it’s all a product of her experiences, a life I never had. It’s. Not. Me!”

Rey stared, her breath suspended, half expecting Ben to continue his blind contradiction of every argument she raised. But instead she noted the expression of shock and confusion mixed with sorrow in his face. With a labored sigh, Rey retreated yet again, drawing her legs up and holding her knees close to her chest, not entirely able to avoid the question that assailed her mind in the wake of her impassioned speech.

_Then who am I?_

The problem was she genuinely didn’t know the answer. She had always identified herself in terms of Armie. Trapped in an energy shield with no other companions, it had seemed the only way. Then Ben had come along, seeming to know more about her than she knew herself, leaving her now with the unmistakable conclusion that she really did have no idea who she was.

Here, out in the galaxy, away from Cholganna and the luxurious prison of his making, her status as the wife of the Imperial Supreme Leader seemed inconsequential. Perhaps even artificial. Indeed, the Stealth Trooper—the one who’d reportedly been sent by Armie himself to plunge a dagger into her heart—had seemed quite befuddled by the notion of the Supreme Leader having a wife. It had been easier to dismiss Poe’s assertion of the same fact, but what possible motivation would an assassin have to lie about something like that? And, if she truly didn’t have _wife of the Imperial Supreme Leader_ as a means of forming her self-identity, what else was there for her?

Ben and his odd family had given her an option, but she wasn’t what they wanted. She didn’t share the memories they had, the experiences that shaped who she was. All she had was herself, years of isolation and virtual neglect, and a bunch of second-hand memories she wasn’t even sure she could trust anymore. And how was she supposed to fathom who she was based on _that_?

She felt lost, drifting in a sea of uncertainty, not knowing who she could trust, even herself. She had no past to cling to, and even her own memories were suspect now, thanks to Ben and his uncanny ability to share mental images. Her past had always been blank, frustratingly devoid of anything at all. While a mild annoyance previously, now it seemed a deep fault, a fathomless pit in which any number of things—mundane _and_ important—were forever lost. And she was angry. Angry this had happened to her. Angry that she didn’t understand why. Angry that, yet again, just like with Armie, she was dependent on someone else to explain to her what she couldn’t know for herself.

But more than that, she was just weary…

“I wanted a child,” she murmured, as though from within a dream. “I wanted so desperately to be a mother, to hold a creation of my own making, someone for me to love, and to love me in return. I would have given anything for that. I told myself that was all I needed, all I was missing in order to make my life...bearable. It was the answer to all my dreams, everything.”

Rey shook her head, hot stinging surging behind her eyes as she stared into nothingness before her, recognizing the truth she had been so blind to for so long.

“But it wouldn’t have been, would it?”

When Ben didn’t answer, she looked at him squarely, and she saw in his eyes the confirmation he refused to voice.

“If all of this is real…” she murmured. “If everything you say is true, then having a child would have only brought me more heartache. Am I right?”

With her direct inquiry, it seemed Ben was no longer able to maintain his silence. He shook his head.

“He would have taken the baby from you,” he predicted softly, regretfully. “Maybe not right away, but…eventually. Any child of yours would be a valuable commodity to the Empire, a gifted Force user able to be raised and trained with exactly and only the perspectives sanctioned by the Emperor.”

Rey swallowed hard. “They would have turned my child into a weapon.”

Ben nodded slowly, his expressive eyes so impossibly sad. “It’s what the Empire does.”

“They did it to you,” Rey gasped in sudden understanding, and Ben’s face bowed low in response as an even more horrible thought occurred to her. “Declan and Aileen?”

Ben nodded and Rey felt her heart break. “They will always be targets.”

She couldn’t fathom the constant fear he must live with, worried for the safety and wellbeing of those precious children. And it suddenly struck Rey as horribly irresponsible to have brought them into existence in the first place. If a child only of her would be a target, it would stand to reason that the offspring of two Force users would be that much more formidable and desirable.

And...yet...Rey couldn’t entirely bring herself to condemn Ben and his Rey for their choice in having them.

“At least you’ve had them with you all this time,” she muttered, her own emotions tingeing her words with bitterness.

“Yes,” he agreed readily enough, his voice low and inexpressibly tender. “I’ve been fortunate.”

And Rey was suddenly assaulted with an image, one of familial harmony, the father and two children, surrounded by friends so close as to become family, always knowing there were others in the galaxy looking out for them, worrying about them, and doing everything in their power to ensure their safety. While Rey…had merely been alone.

Suddenly unable to withstand them any longer, Rey burst into tears, great sobs wracking her slender form, shaking her uncontrollably as she remembered the loneliness that had gripped her so fiercely and frequently. Ashamed of her lack of restraint, she turned her shuddering back, hunched over into the space between the end of the bench and the back wall of the shuttle, attempting to garner whatever modicum of privacy could be afforded. And, yet, it came as no surprise when the weight of a warm hand made its presence known against her shoulder. Offering only token resistance, Rey allowed herself to be pulled into Ben’s strong embrace, her tears coming all the harder for the physical comfort she had never before experienced.

“I just wanted someone to love me,” she sobbed through her broken voice, losing her composure fast, “someone to be with me, someone to care for. I was so alone, always alone. Even when _he_ was there, still alone, forever alone…”

As Rey collapsed into her misery, Ben caught her, holding her up against him in his strong embrace as she sobbed and wailed. At first, she pushed against him, desperate to achieve distance. But then a distant corner of her mind became aware of the warmth and strength he offered, and knew she couldn’t stand on her own without him. So, slowly, her struggles subsided until she clung to him, weeping out her anguish against his chest as his face bowed low into her hair.

“Ben,” she gasped between her sobs, entirely uncertain what she was trying to say. “I don’t— I don’t know…”

“Shhh,” he murmured, his fingers stroking her hair as he cradled her head in his palm. “It’s alright. You’re safe. I’ve got you.”

Gradually, comforted by his soothing words and warm embrace that seemed to give her what she didn’t know she needed, Rey regained her composure. She found herself cradled against his chest, tucked protectively between his strong legs, his back pressed against the bench as they both huddled on the flooring. At first concentrating on the movement of air in and out of her body in an attempt to drown out feelings of mortification over her behavior, Rey soon found herself mesmerized by the strong pulse of his heartbeat beneath her cheek, calmed by the rhythmic stroking of his hands against her hair and her shoulder. After a long time, Ben spoke, his voice in low, soothing tones of impossible tenderness.

“Do you remember the moons on Cholganna, Rey? The story you told me?”

She knew instantly what he was going to say. The mood of fiery rage and angst she had just relinquished would have had her pushing angrily against him, but she was exhausted now, tired beyond imagining. And, besides, she longed to hear him say it, so much that her breath suspended of its own accord, awaiting his words.

“You were never alone,” he whispered. “You were always there with me, in my heart, every day. Even though you didn’t know it.”

Overcome once more by tears, but ones that flowed steadily and unimpeded by gasping sobs, Rey pressed her face against his chest again. She remembered telling him he and his wife were engaged in a cursed dance, one in which they never touched but could always take comfort in the fact that they knew the other was there. Of course, she’d had no idea she was speaking of herself at the time.

As much as her cynical, abused heart wanted to scoff and tell him she’d been wrong, that he had brought her no comfort at all in the long, endless course of those years, she also realized that she found comfort in it now. If by some astonishing, amazing, incongruous, and implausible feat, the story of heartache, pain, treachery, and loss were true and she actually was the long lost wife for whom he’d searched so long, she could look back on those years through a different light, one cast in the rosy glow of hope, even though she hadn’t been able to discern it in the midst of that time. It didn’t change what she’d endured, but it did change how she thought about it now. And it was, indeed, a comfort.

 

*****

 

She didn’t realize when she fell asleep, and she didn’t know how long she had been out, but when she awoke curled on her side on the bench, a blanket draped over her form and tucked carefully in at the edges, she felt better. Rising carefully, cautious of her delicate head, she pulled the blanket around her shoulders and made her way forward. Ben, sitting in the pilot seat with his hands poised unmoving over the console, didn’t turn to look at her as she settled into the adjacent chair. She stared out at the passing starlines, for the first time wondering where they were headed. And, after a moment, she sighed softly.

When the silence between them became more than Rey could handle, she attempted to take a surreptitious look at him. In spite of his careful refusal to face her, Rey could perceive the tension that still inhabited his body, holding him rigid and unyielding. And, with great regret, she recognized her role in create that state for him.

Should he have been upfront with her about having been Kylo Ren? Yes, it would have been best. But he hadn’t had any inkling what that would mean for her, that she’d believed him responsible for her lack of both memory and family. And he’d been completely honest with her about his reluctance to discuss his past. Surely, even if his words had proven an enigma then, she could understand their weight now. Clearly, he’d made mistakes in his life. And, just as clearly, his Rey had been a key factor in overcoming them.

She couldn’t imagine how devastating her removal from his life must have been with this between them, on top of everything she’d already learned about how he felt about his wife. And here she was, screaming at him, accusing him of causing her physical and mental harm…all from within the countenance he identified with _her_. And, suddenly, Rey had never felt so much the heel.

After a moment, she sighed softly.

“I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”

Slowly, Ben’s head bowed forward and his hands dropped into his lap. She watched as he deliberately and methodically took two deep breaths, the second of which suspended for a time in his chest before emerging in the form of anguished words.

“I may not have harmed you, Rey, but I’ve done plenty wrong in my life.”

“You’ve never been anything but kind to me,” she insisted with a stubborn shake of her head.

“I’ve abducted you twice,” he protested.

Rey looked at him, waiting patiently until he finally met her gaze, at which point she allowed a small smile to tug at one corner of her mouth.

“But you did so very kindly.”

He smiled impulsively, then looked down again, as if concerned she might not approve. But she did. She liked his smile and she found herself wishing she could see it more, especially when this one faded so quickly.

“You’ve been through a lot,” he murmured, “and you didn’t even know. You have every right to feel everything you’re feeling about it now.”

She was quiet for a time, watching the silent stars streak by. Certainly, she didn’t disagree with his words, but, much to her bewilderment, she simply didn’t wish to take it out on him anymore. Regardless of whether she could find any personal connection to it or not, the pain he had endured was obvious. It always had been, from the first moment she spoke with him after saving him from the nexu. She believed he had not caused her memory loss and sterility. She conceded there was a possibility she had never sustained an injury and coma that had resulted in those effects. Both were simply added to the tally of questions for which she had no answers and, yes, they frustrated her. But she was simply too weary now to feel the anger that had gripped her so thoroughly so recently.

She couldn’t make sense of this man who desired so much from her. The more she learned about him, the less she understood. But she knew with absolute certainty, both through her own instinct and his very words, that he would never and had never done anything to intentionally harm her. Though comforting in some measure, it was also the _intentional_ part that gave her pause.

“Do you have any more big secrets I should know about?” Rey asked on sudden inspiration. “Like Kylo-Ren-sized secrets?”

She glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, and found herself bracing for an impact. Had he answered swiftly, whether in the negative or affirmative, she could have taken some measure of comfort in the finality of his response. With his hesitation, though… She suddenly sensed a deep rising alarm within her psyche.

“How much do you know about the war?”

Attempting valiantly to take his non-answer in stride, she shrugged. “Basics, I guess. Highlights.”

He nodded, but remained tight-lipped, his gaze roaming restlessly over his hands, the console, the streaking stars…anywhere but her. Fighting the instinct to reach out and rest a comforting hand against his forearm, Rey spoke as gently as she could.

“I’d rather know from you, than to find out from another Imperial assassin.”

“My mother was Leia Organa.”

Her eyes widened, not only with the abruptness of his response but also its content. Yes, that was a name she knew.

“But…you were Kylo Ren?”

He nodded. “It’s all…complicated.”

Yes, she was certain it must be… “So then Luke Skywalker…?”

“My uncle. And Darth Vader was my grandfather.”

Rey felt her jaw drop and she breathed deeply. But before she could figure out how to respond, he continued.

“And my father was Han Solo, and I killed him.”

Rey stared, her eyes filling with horror as she whispered, “Why?”

He sighed, and the beleaguered gesture informed her quickly that this was a big part of what he’d meant when he’d confessed just the other night that he was hoping to avoid having to talk about his history. And, despite that his mouth had already opened to speak, this time she did stop him with a hand on his arm.

“It’s alright,” she murmured gently. “You don’t have to go into it now.”

His gaze lingered on her, intent and concerned. “You deserve to know, Rey.”

“Maybe. But…” She breathed deeply and smiled ruefully. “I think I’ve learned enough for now. It’s a lot to process…”

She smiled gently and squeezed his arm, hoping to convey her earnestness. He seemed hesitant for a moment, then released a breath in such a way she sensed his relief. With another gentle squeeze, she released his arm then looked forward into the starlines.

“So, what’s the plan?” she asked.

“I’m not sure,” he admitted. “I’ve made a few jumps now, just in case anyone was trying to follow us. But I don’t have a destination in mind yet.”

She nodded, her mind churning. After a moment, she recognized that her curiosity was not likely to leave her regarding this point, so she went ahead and asked.

“Does Poe know to do that, too?”

He eyed her. “The multiple jumps? Yes.”

When she nodded but otherwise changed her worrisome countenance not one whit, Ben leaned forward, drawing her gaze.

“They’re in good hands, Rey.”

She nodded, but otherwise didn’t comment further on the worries that were pinching her brow.

“And you know where to find them?”

“I do. Every time we settle somewhere new, Poe’s first task is to establish our next home and get it ready. Then he checks up on it every month or two to make sure it’s still secure and ready for us whenever we need it. It’s a good system. It hasn’t failed us yet.”

She frowned. “How many times have you had to do this?”

“I don’t like to keep track.”

She looked at him skeptically, instinct informing her that, while that may be true, he also wouldn’t be able to help but keep track. He capitulated with a sigh.

“This is our fifth time. We’d been on Naboo for more than a year. That’s longer than we usually make it,” he added quickly, as if under the misguided belief she would find that at all comforting.

She gazed at him with profound sadness, blended with guilt. She herself had been in one place for four years. While she couldn’t exactly recommend it, she couldn’t imagine the hardship involved in moving so often, especially if it was always under circumstances like the ones she had caused.

“It wasn’t your fault, Rey.”

She grit her teeth and looked out the window. That was nice of him to say, but of course it wasn’t true.

“No,” he continued, as though her thoughts were clear as a bell, “it was mine. I was too eager to bring you home. I should have been more cautious. That’s on me. You had no idea.”

She met his gaze, wanting to believe him but…

“I couldn’t handle it if anything happened to those kids,” she confessed softly. “Poe and Finn and Rose, too, of course, but especially the kids.”

He smiled. It was small, but it was the first real smile he’d given her since she had so unfairly blown up at him.

“I’m glad you feel that way,” he murmured, and she understood just why.

Her affinity for Declan was obvious and irresistible, given his congeniality. But she felt protective of Aileen, too, if for no other reason than because it was profoundly obvious to her just how important she was to Declan.

“How long will it be before you can get back to them?” she wondered.

“I’m not sure. Until I’m confident they’re safe. And the best way to do that is to get you back into the Force.”

She watched him closely, her eyes keen, as though she were attempting to divine some secret. She still didn’t fully understand exactly what all this Force-talk meant, but she recognized that Ben felt it was essential in regaining her memories. While his attitude about it seemed to suggest it was much more than just that, the prospect of it helping her to regain her past was reason enough for her to be fully on board with it…and anxious that it wouldn’t come to pass.

“Do you really think that will happen?” she asked in a small voice.

“Yes,” he stated, surprising her with his assuredness. “Based on what happened with both me and Declan, yes, I think it will come back. I just don’t know how long it will take.”

“But… With how long I was under that shield, you don’t think it would have… I don’t know… _damaged_ the Force in me?”

Ben frowned. “I don’t see how such a thing could be possible. The Force is part of who you are. I can’t imagine it not coming back.”

Feeling decidedly uncomforted by that rationale, Rey muttered morosely, “If you cut off a finger, it doesn’t come back.”

His gaze dropped from hers for an instant before he gave her some platitude about feeling certain it would return to her. But that instant was enough to remind her how profound a loss he would consider it, were that to occur. To her, really, it didn’t make a difference, since she didn’t understand exactly what it meant anyway. But for him… Would he even want her without the Force?

“I can’t go back, can I?” Rey murmured on sudden instinct, the truth of her words only striking her as she spoke them.

She had been aware of rising discontentment over her solitary existence on Cholganna for quite some time before Ben’s arrival. Since he’d come, though, she’d become accustomed to company, an exchange of ideas, opportunities for broadening horizons...any number of things that simply weren’t possible before.

“In these few days since leaving Cholganna, I’ve seen and experienced so much. I can’t imagine how I could possibly handle going back to the way things were there before you came.”

Rey took a deep breath, her eyes lifting of their own volition toward Ben, peering at him carefully as she delivered her next words.

“But what if staying with you and your family isn’t right either? I don’t know how to be the person you all lost. You say I shouldn’t worry about that,” she added quickly, forestalling Ben’s objection before he could make it, “but it’s what you’re worried about, isn’t it? You—all of you—you’re consumed with regaining my memories, my Force, everything I need to be _her_ , to be who you want me to be. And, yet, with each passing day, I’m only more and more aware of how much I’m not her. Aileen’s the only one—”

“Aileen is—”

“Honest,” she interjected. “Ben, she’s honest. She doesn’t want some shell of what her mother should be. None of you do, if you’re being honest, too. But, see, that’s exactly what I’m getting at. If Cholganna isn’t right for me and I’m not right for you…” Rey shook her head sadly and raised her empty palms upward. “What else is there?”

Ben’s gaze remained fixed on her for a moment, and Rey could see how desperately he wanted to contradict her logic. To his credit, he didn’t, but neither was he able to sustain her gaze. When his focus wavered and finally his eyes dropped away from hers, Rey sighed softly, carefully.

“I have no family,” she pointed out, “no skills, no credits, no history…nothing I need to survive on my own. I have only what I gain from either you…or Armie.” Suddenly feeling the weight of her defeat, Rey’s shoulders slumped as she shook her head again. “So what choice do I have? What’s left for me, the Rey I am now?”

Rey knew the instant Ben recognized the import of her words. But, rather than blithely suggesting she should just stay with him, he continued to ponder, methodically examining every point carefully as she watched. Whether he realized it or not, simply by virtue of not having taken the easy route of declaring himself the victor, Ben demonstrated to Rey far more clearly than his words ever could that she truly was his primary concern, over and above his own desires.

“Can you trust me, Rey?”

She frowned, studying him. She found it curious that he’d phrased it as _can_ rather than _do_. If he’d asked _Do you trust me_ , the answer would have had to be a definite, though perhaps reluctant, _no._ But since he’d said _can_ …

She narrowed her eyes and peered at him, despite that the individual under scrutiny was actually herself and not him at all. _Could_ she trust him? She knew already she _wanted_ to, had wanted to ever since he’d first suggested there was more to her life than what she’d experienced inside that shield. She also knew that trust wasn’t quite there as of now, but _could_ it be? She could only go with her instinct on this, and it was offering her only one answer.

“Yes.”

He smiled, a warmth spreading across his face and into his eyes that quickly had her own lips tugging upward.

“Then I will create you a third option. I just need some time.”

Feeling a surge of gratitude that he would even think this way, as well as some measure of confidence that he would follow through, Rey nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, what a doozy this chapter was! Before I do anything else, I have to express my overwhelming gratitude to LadyWinterlight for her assistance with this chapter and for making my first experience with a beta reader such a positive one! Thank you so much for your kind honesty in helping me assess where the problems were, your fabulous suggestions for how to fix those problems, and your encouragement throughout the whole process.
> 
> So, yeah, this chapter was a bit of a beast for me, in case you couldn’t already tell. I would be especially curious to hear what you think works and what doesn’t in this chapter. It’s already worlds better than it was when I first drafted it, but I suspect this is going to be one of those chapters that will probably never feel quite right to me, simply because it’s gone through so many transformations now. And you all do know the amazing healing properties of comments for severe cases of author insecurity, right? ;-)
> 
> Up next: Settling Down. There’s a lot in the next chapter and perhaps much of it doesn’t really need to be there, but… If I’m going to keep the updates coming, then I just can’t obsess over every word as much as I normally would!!! Besides…it’ll be worth it once you get to the last part of that chapter. Just remember, as advertised by the tags (I think…!), this is a slow burn and it’s only chapter 14!!!


	14. Settling Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben takes Rey to Coronet City on Corellia, and introduces her to city life.

For at least the fifteenth time in as many minutes, Rey bounded to her feet and began pacing again. It had been too long. He’d said no more than an hour, but he still wasn’t back. She should have guessed it would turn out this way, him abandoning her almost the moment she agreed to trust him. What else should she expect from the man who had abducted her? Twice?

But that wasn’t being honest with herself, and she knew that. The truth was that she was worried for him. Yes, there was an element of concern that she wouldn’t have the first idea what to do with herself should he fail to return, but her far greater worry was over _why_ he might not return. Had Armie found him? Was he already lying dead somewhere? How would she know? How would the _kids_ know?

“ _Stop it_ ,” she hissed at herself, clenching her fists and forcing herself to sit down once again.

She was only beginning to realize just how ineffective her self-recriminations were when the distinctive _hiss_ of the ramp at last filled the small space of the shuttle. Jumping to her feet again, Rey moved back from the ramp, finding the one spot in this damnable craft that afforded her the least chance of being seen from either the opening at the back or the viewport at the front. She stifled a sigh of relief when Ben finally came into view, holding her breath and her body until the ramp had closed once more. Then she strode forward the few steps required and hit him as hard as she could on his chest.

“Don’t do that to me again!”

Ben immediately dropped everything he was carrying and looked around frantically. “What? What happened?”

“You left me here alone! That’s what happened!”

Rey was standing there, breathing hard through the constriction in her chest, glaring daggers at him, and he had the audacity to smile. She narrowed her eyes and stepped forward again with her fist raised and he promptly countered her advance, holding up his hands in surrender.

“Okay, alright,” he capitulated, still smiling. “I won’t leave you alone again.”

“Good,” Rey spat at him, not ready to express forgiveness just yet, even though she was more relieved by his return than anything else. “What took you so long?”

To her vast annoyance, he actually chuckled. “I was gone an hour, just like I said I would be.”

Realizing just how irrational she had become during her wait, Rey shook her head in a fruitless effort to disguise just how worried she’d been and focused on the pile of stuff he’d dropped. “Doing what?”

“Provisioning. Are you hungry?”

“Yes,” she breathed, falling to her knees and shoving the first thing she found remotely resembling food into her mouth.

They both ate in silence, their appetites voracious after too long without sustenance. It was plain food: bread, fruit, dried meat—boring, but filling—and nothing had ever tasted better. When at last the gnawing hunger seemed to have been sated in some measure, Rey looked up at Ben.

“Where are we anyway?” she asked around a chewy bit of meat.

“Coronet City. Capital of Corellia.”

“Hm,” she responded, the names meaning nothing to her. “Why here?”

“It’s crowded, dirty, dark. We can blend in here. There’s lots of smuggling and piracy activity here, so most people keep to themselves and don’t mind when others do as well. And trade. We can get anything we need here. Hopefully,” he added with a tilt of his head.

“Alright. And what is it we’re doing here, Ben?”

“Laying low. Biding our time. And learning.”

Rey lifted her eyebrows, not sure she much liked the sound of that. Rather than get worked up about it, though, she directed her focus toward the half strewn pile of supplies. Besides the food, there was a mass of dark fabric, which had enclosed the food, and a long, solid stick with a well-worn surface.

“I take it you have a plan?”

“I do,” he acknowledged with a nod, “but it involves leaving you here again—”

“Change it,” she instructed succinctly and firmly. “I’m not staying here by myself again.”

He nodded, as though he’d expected that response, and reached for the dark fabric. “In that case, you wear this cloak at all times, with the hood up, and you speak to no one but me. Otherwise, I Force sleep you until I get back.”

“You said you wouldn’t leave me alone again!” she objected with indignation.

He shrugged, although the sympathy in his eyes belied the callous gesture. “That’s the only deal you get. Take it or leave it.”

She eyed the dark cloak with a sneer. “Won’t I be conspicuous in that thing?”

“No,” he answered quickly and firmly. “Not at all. You’ll see once we go out. There’s one for me too, if that makes any difference.”

It did, actually, although Rey couldn’t really say why it should matter. Regardless, she was ready to agree to just about anything so as not to be left behind yet again. Ultimately, she felt that wearing a shroud and keeping her mouth shut were small concessions to make, especially since it was obvious that he was making these mandates in an effort to conceal her identity. He was trying to keep her safe, of that Rey had zero doubt. So, with few if any reservations, she nodded.

“One other thing,” Ben added. “We need to go by alternative names. And you need to be very careful not to use either of our real names. If you’re worried you might slip, I can help you with that.”

“You mean, by doing your Force thing in my head? No, thank you. It’s scrambled enough as it is.”

He smiled a little at her sardonic tone, but then turned deadly serious. “I mean it, Rey. It’s really important that you not slip. Hux will have spies everywhere by now, looking for us.”

She stared at him without really seeing him, forcing herself to remember the sight of an assassin sent by her husband wielding a blade intended for her heart. Grimly, she swallowed.

“I understand.”

He nodded. “Alright. I’ll go by Ghrikk Dymos. You’re Katra.”

“Do I get a surname?”

“No. If anyone asks, you’re my slave. It’s what they’ll assume anyway,” he defended himself quickly when her expression immediately communicated her displeasure with this notion.

She didn’t like it, of course, but she supposed being perceived as his slave would further facilitate her ability to keep to herself and speak to no one but him.

“Okay, Ghrikk,” Rey said, acclimating her tongue to the name before taking a moment to rip another hunk of bread off the severely diminished loaf and chewing it down. “I’m ready when you are.”

They both rose, and Rey took the smaller of the two cloaks from Ben. She flung it over her shoulders and fumbled with the fastening for a moment until Ben dropped his unceremoniously to help her. Once it was pinned in place, he looked intently into her eyes, his close proximity and unspoken worry heating her skin as she looked up at him.

“Walk behind me, but don’t let anyone come between us,” he instructed her. “If it gets crowded, it’s fine to reach for my hand. Either way, I’ll have my sense on you through the Force at all times. If anything worries or scares you, I’ll know and I’ll be there before you can think. Alright?”

She stared up at him, concern pitching her eyebrows at a steep slant. “Is it really that dangerous?”

“It can be,” he acknowledged. “There’s a lot of people, and that means anything is possible. But I’ll also be using the Force to gauge attitudes around us. If anyone seems too interested, I’ll know and I can take care of it before it becomes an issue.”

She nodded, then watched intently as he donned his cloak. Turning back to her, he reached forward to lift her hood, settling it gently upon her hair in such a way that it shadowed her face without inhibiting her vision.

“You know I won’t let any harm come to you, right?”

She nodded, swallowing anxiously. “I know.”

Upon exiting the shuttle, Rey found they had landed in some kind of public docking bay. She watched as Ben secured the craft with their few meager belongings inside it, and was surprised when he motioned for her to place her hand on the lock plate, registering her palm print so she too could unlock the ramp.

The bay was crowded with ships of all shapes and sizes, but sparse of people. In fact, as Rey looked around herself curiously, she didn’t see anyone else at all. That quickly changed as she followed Ben through the hodgepodge of ships toward a large building, but it didn’t become a problem until everyone inside the building all seemed to be headed in the same direction.

As Rey followed closely behind Ben, people started crowding closer and closer to her. She wasn’t used to being around other people at all, much less so many of them at once, and she couldn’t stop imagining weapons concealed in their clothing. She felt her anxiety elevating until she even loosed a small yelp when someone brushed up against her unexpectedly.

Instantly, Ben stopped walking in front her, causing both her and two others to run into him. Ignoring both the jostling and the annoyed glances, Ben swiftly gripped Rey’s shoulders. Heeding the guidance he administered through slight pressure there, Rey maneuvered within the dense crowd to stand immediately in front of Ben, her back pressed close against his front. His hands remained on her shoulders as they nudged her to walk, and she was grateful for the feeling of security that this new arrangement afforded her.

Giving herself over entirely to his care, Rey lowered her face, allowing the hood to drop lower. Although it impeded her vision, it also allowed her to focus inward and ignore the press of people close around her. What helped even more was being able to concentrate on the sensation of Ben’s right thumb stroking her soothingly at the back of her shoulder. With these measures in place, Rey felt her anxiety ease, despite the fact that the crush of people did not.

Eventually, the herd of which they had become a part shuffled forward into a small, dark compartment. Rey hesitated at the threshold, not understanding where they were going or what they were doing, but Ben was there whispering in her ear, reassuring her everything was fine. So she nodded and shuffled forward too, coming to halt near a dark, glossy wall.

After a few more moments, a chime sounded and the doors that had admitted this small portion of the crowd into the strange room slid closed. Rey felt a curious rumbling below her feet that intensified into a constant hum. She staggered against Ben when the floor suddenly shifted beneath her and closed her eyes, her heart racing inexplicably. Then, Ben was there, hunching down over her back, one arm snaking forward across her waist to hold her all the more firmly against him.

“It’s alright,” he whispered reassuringly in her ear.

Rey had only just become aware that their little room was moving when the glossy wall in front of her revealed itself to be a window, the darkness beyond suddenly blossoming into light. She gasped audibly as the ground suddenly dropped away below the moving room, lost to the landscape of low, wide buildings that subsequently gave way to churning water. Finally able to lift her gaze, Rey saw two streaks of blue light extending out from above their room, carrying them toward a city of crowded buildings.

She stared in awe as the room surged impossibly fast toward the city, soon enough revealing tiny people far below. They zipped over an open green area with an enormous fountain throwing water into the air before it tumbled down over various shapes and paths toward the river at the city’s edge. And then the view was closed off by the encroachment of tall buildings, leaving Rey’s eyes to flicker constantly in an effort to catch the sights beyond the second set of windows that whizzed by outside. And, before she knew it, all sights were cut off completely and the wall returned to its original glossy black state.

She felt the room slowing quickly, and Ben’s arm tightened around her, clearly anticipating her need for extra support at the moment the room came to an abrupt halt. Once the motion had stopped and the hum died away beneath her feet, Rey felt Ben’s hands return to her shoulders as he guided her slowly out of the moving room along with the rest of the crowd. She was grateful to find that the crowd dissipated quickly after that, dispersing in numerous and infinite directions rather than all with one goal in mind. Conscious of Ben’s lingering grip on her shoulders despite that she no longer required that level of contact, she shrugged against his hold and he obligingly released her. Rather than return to her position behind him, though, she found him reaching for her hand.

“Come here,” he said, tugging her off in a sharp detour from their previous path.

He pulled her over to a massive window that looked out on the city, windows across the way reflecting back the building in which they stood. Out to the right, she could see the open area they had traveled over, the tips of the fountain’s jets just visible around intervening buildings. Without warning, a snaking body of some sort surged out toward the fountain, Rey only then noticing the twin beams of blue light above it.

“That’s where we were!” she exclaimed in sudden understanding, provoking Ben’s nod.

“It’s a mag-lev train. There’s no public docking in the city, so we leave the shuttle out there across the river and take the train into the city proper. It runs all day and all night, all over the city.”

“It’s amazing,” she murmured as she watched the train recede from sight.

“I thought you might like it.”

She turned to him with a smile on her face, her lip twisting only in mock annoyance as she muttered, “You could have warned me.”

“Why?” he laughed. “It was more fun not to!”

She sighed at him and wandered a few steps away, looking around the wide open space dotted with people here and there. Just like on the train, there was a wide variety of races represented. Humans, of course, but also aliens of innumerable variations, all sizes, colors, and shapes. Not all, but enough to mark it as a trend, wore cloaks similar to theirs, some even with their hoods up like Rey. And she understood now why Ben had insisted they would not appear conspicuous in their dark shrouds.

“Are there really that many people hiding here?”

“Coronet is a city that appreciates its privacy,” he responded. “Some are engaged in illegal activities, some not illegal but morally questionable, and others just want their privacy. There’s no law against that…yet…”

Rey peered at him curiously, wondering what he meant by that, but he shook his head.

“Another time. We have a lot to accomplish.”

“Really? What?”

“Finding lodging. Unless you _want_ to stay in the shuttle…”

Rey scoffed her disapproval of that idea and stepped back, gesturing ahead. “Lead the way, Master.”

Ben smiled at that, and Rey had the sense her use of that honorific actually deeply pleased him…perhaps a little too much. She followed him out of the expansive building and into the balmy afternoon air. Leading them deeper into the city rather than toward the open area with the fountain, Ben set a quick pace, requiring that Rey lengthen her strides in order to keep up. As they progressed further from the train hub and the buildings became both taller and closer together, Rey noticed the air getting darker and the hard, unforgiving ground getting grimier. Soon enough, the people also looked rougher, dirtier, less friendly. Still, though, true to Ben’s prediction, everyone kept to themselves and no one bothered Rey beyond a lingering stare.

Once they had walked for a good long while in silence, Ben suddenly slackened his pace, giving Rey a silent warning to stay close behind him as he commenced a meandering path. Becoming more aware of her surroundings, Rey found they were in some kind of a market district. Lots of people were milling about, some selling and some buying. Curiously, though, she noticed that Ben didn’t speak to anyone. He would pause frequently, standing still as a statue, leading Rey to predict he was about to engage in some kind of interaction, but then he would simply move on. He did this several times before he exhibited any kind of reaction.

“What’s wrong?” she asked him surreptitiously in response to his annoyed grunt.

“We might have to take that one, if we can’t find something better.”

She frowned, looking around at all the people who weren’t paying them the least bit of attention. “What are you talking about?”

Ben hunched over and spoke very softly near her cheek. “The Chiss over there has a space available that would work for what we need, but she also has strong Imperial ties. It’s not necessarily a deal breaker, but I’d prefer to avoid it if we can.”

“How do you know all this?” Then Rey gasped and hissed in a quieter voice, “Is that what you’ve been doing all this time, reading everyone’s minds?”

“It’s not really reading minds,” Ben hedged uncomfortably. “It’s more like implanting an idea and reading what I get back.”

She gave him a look that expressed her doubt, and he sighed.

“It’s safer than wandering around, asking lots of questions and getting noticed.”

She couldn’t argue that, but it still made her feel uncomfortable. She wondered if he’d done that to her and quickly decided she didn’t want to know the answer. But before she could say anything more, Ben suddenly turned away to focus on the woman again. Absently reaching for Rey’s hand, he pulled her in her direction. She watched him curiosly as his discerning eyes then strayed away from the woman to skim over the smattering of people within sight. When they settled on a particularly rotund man, Rey felt Ben grip her hand tighter. He concentrated for a moment longer, then he smiled. Giving her a quick wink that thoroughly confused her, Ben tugged Rey along with him as he moved decisively but not too quickly toward the man. Then, just as they were drawing close, he suddenly turned on her.

“No, Katra, it’s just too much. We’ll sleep in the shuttle if we have to.”

Perceiving immediately what he was doing and wanting to help, Rey’s first instinct was to argue that she refused to spend another night in such cramped quarters. But then she suddenly remembered she was supposed to be a slave and thought a demurely bowed head was the better response. With an exasperated huff that Rey worried meant she’d made the wrong choice, Ben seized her hand again and spun…directly into the portly man.

Muttering his apologizes, Ben pulled on Rey’s arm to get her moving again but, on sudden instinct as she noticed the man already turning away from them, she held her ground.

“Ghrikk, please…” she murmured in weary tones, her head bowed low.

Promptly dropping her hand, Ben sighed deeply, his fists plunked on his hips. And, finally, the man took the bait.

“Pardon my intrusion,” he began in obsequious tones, “but do I understand you seek lodging?”

But Ben shook his head. “I underestimated the cost in this district. We’ll have to search elsewhere.”

“Anywhere cheaper and you won’t be able to walk outside without armored protection,” he snorted.

Ben frowned and looked toward Rey, who met his gaze with concern. He sighed, and reached out to pull her into a comforting embrace, cradling her head tight against his chest.

“Alright,” he whispered to her. “We’ll take Mros’baik’ouse up on her offer. Thank you for the advice, sir,” Ben added in farewell to the man.

“Wait! Uh… Mros’baik’ouse? How much did she want?”

“Twenty-six fifty.”

The man laughed, but instinct informed Rey that it was forced. She wondered if Ben had gotten that figure from the Chiss woman’s mind or just made it up himself based on what he wanted to pay. Either way, it worked.

“She always overcharges. You couldn’t have bartered with anyone worse!”

Ben sighed again, a mote of annoyance breaking through in his expression, which immediately had the merchant apologizing with a nervous laugh.

“My apologies, sir! I meant no offense. I am Dorn Thul, and I have a space available that may suit you. Perhaps not as aesthetically pleasing as what Mros’baik’ouse had in mind, but entirely serviceable.”

“How much?” Ben asked with narrowed gaze. “Two thousand. Flat.”

“For a standard month?”

“Of course.”

“Dimensions?”

“Well, that’s the thing, sir… It’s not actually a lodging. It has all the amenities you require, of course,” he added hastily, “but it’s primarily warehouse space.”

“A warehouse?! You expect—” Ben cut his voice off, turning away from Thul and fuming angrily.

“You won’t find anything else for that rate!” he assured him. “I promise you, sir. And you can trust me on that!”

Ben thought for a moment, fidgeting anxiously as he fixed his gaze first on Thul, then Rey, then Mros’baik’ouse down the way, and finally the distant sky beyond the towering reach of the buildings on all sides.

“For _warehouse_ space,” Ben finally said, spitting the word as though it offended him, “no more than fifteen hundred.”

But it seemed Ben had pushed too far, because Thul’s bushy brows snapped down sharply over his beady eyes and he shook his head.

“I can’t possibly—”

“Three months paid in advance.”

Now, the brows went right back up, rising higher than they had been before. Rey thought she saw the round man salivating greedily at the prospect of such a windfall all at once, but he quickly sheltered his response, clearing his throat and making noise about how impossibly low that rate was. But Rey knew, and she was certain Ben also knew, that they had already won.

“Well, this truly places me in a difficult spot,” Thul muttered disingenuously, “but I can see you are in particular need. Alright. Four thousand five hundred for three standard months. I will, of course, require payment up front.”

Ben nodded. “I shall require some time to gather your payment. Shall I meet you here in one standard hour?”

“Of course, of course! And, with whom do I have the pleasure of doing business, sir?”

“Ghrikk Dymos,” Ben responded, reaching forward to grasp Thul’s waiting hand to seal the deal. “One hour, Thul.”

Ben turned and strode away so fast that Rey had to scramble to catch up. Once she did, she followed him silently until they were well away from Thul and Ben turned to smile at her. She returned the smile slyly.

“You got exactly what you wanted, didn’t you?”

“Of course,” Ben responded smugly, “although for less than I expected.”

“You really expect we’ll be here for three months?”

“I’m not certain,” he answered with a soft sigh. “It…depends…”

_On me_ , Rey thought dismally. It depended on how quickly—or not—she could retrieve her memories. Feeling the weight of expectations she wasn’t sure she could fulfill, Rey bowed her head lower.

“Don’t worry,” he murmured softly beside her. “We have plenty to keep us busy.”

She nodded, not knowing exactly what that meant.

The trip back to the shuttle was much smoother and far less crowded than her first experience with the mag-lev train. She began to discern they had been caught up in a mid-day commute rush that first time, but now things were settling into a lazier pace. Despite having a train car nearly to themselves on this trip, Rey was pleased Ben placed her in the same position nonetheless. She found she liked feeling the protective warmth of his size hovering so close behind her, and she was able to enjoy the skimming of the landscape beneath them as her eyes sought to catch more detail this time around.

Back at the shuttle, they collected their belongings—all of which fit into one pathetically sized satchel for each of them. And, at the last moment, Ben picked up the thick stick he had brought back with him before their picnic on the floor. Sparing a curious glance but no words for the strange object, Rey merely walked dutifully at Ben’s side as they made their way back to Thul, attempting to stifle the disappointment that their luggage meant she was not able to stand encased in Ben’s warmth on the train.

When at last they had reached Thul again, they found him easily despite arriving thirteen minutes early. Without comment, Ben handed over a small device he had retrieved from the shuttle, which Thul promptly stuck into a larger one, his fingers skittering over the screen as Rey assumed he claimed and redirected his payment. Indeed, when he was finished and handed the small device back to Ben, he did so with a huge grin.

They followed him to a tall building not far from where they had met, taking a small moving room that elevated them to the fourteenth floor. There, at a door at the end of a long, dim hallway, Thul recalibrated a locking mechanism to give both Ben and Rey access. And, with that, they were at last rid of the round man. Holding the door wide, Ben gestured for Rey to enter.

Looking about their new residence, Rey stifled a sigh. She didn’t understand credits and didn’t know how far fifteen hundred per month should go, but she did know the accommodations she beheld would take some getting used to.

“I’ll sleep on the floor,” Ben offered from over her shoulder as soon as he saw the tight space dominated by the sole bed.

“Won’t that be uncomfortable?” she wondered, to which he merely shrugged.

She moved into the tight, windowless room, skirting the bed as well as she could. In addition to the door they had just come through, there were two doors across the space, reminding Rey suddenly of the two doors he had introduced her to in his own bedroom on Naboo only a few nights ago.

“I don’t suppose one of those is a balcony…?”

He chuckled lightly, but didn’t respond.

There was a small bureau squeezed into the space on the other side of the bed, which dominated the room so much that the only way Ben would be able to sleep on the floor was by blocking all three doors.

“I was feeling a little bad for Thul, what with you finagling such a deal out of him,” Rey admitted with irony.

“Not anymore?” Ben guessed.

Rey sighed sharply. “Is this really worth that much?”

“This isn’t why I took it,” he admitted, a smile lurking in his tone.

She turned to him in surprise, but he only nodded toward the opposite doors. Moving to the first, Rey opened it to reveal a fresher every bit as small as the bedroom. But the second was a much different story. She knew by a distinct change in the room’s sound as soon as the door cracked open that it exposed a very different space.

Beyond that door was the warehouse space Thul had referenced. As far as Rey could tell, it took up the entire half of the building and extended upward much higher than the room they had just left. The bedroom and fresher were carved out of a small niche in the otherwise semi-circular space. The remainder of the flat wall extended out toward Rey’s left, yielding to a long wall of glass that curved all the way along the perimeter of the building. Beyond, the view of the city was spectacular, the late day sun glinting off the myriad reflective surfaces of this and the surrounding buildings, the lights that Rey sensed would decorate the view as the sunlight faded already beginning to make their appearance. And she was awed by its urban beauty.

“Dorn Thul is a merchant,” Ben explained as Rey wandered slowly into the vast space, “and he doesn’t often dabble in property rentals. He put in the living space here years ago when his wife kicked him out of their home, though he doesn’t need it anymore because he won a lawsuit and is back in his home now. Between the strangeness of the space and his inexperience, he hasn’t been able to let this out in a very long time. And he suffered some losses in his business recently and had been becoming more and more desperate for credits. He would have accepted a rate even lower than I negotiated.”

Rey turned and stared at Ben in astonishment. “You got all that from reading his mind?”

He sighed heavily, reminding her he didn’t like that description of what he did. “I asked him questions and listened for the answers.”

“By reading his mind,” she snarked before turning away to glance over the huge, empty space again. “Why do we need all this anyway?”

Rather than answer, Ben crossed the room, approaching a control pad set into one of the vertical supports between panes of the building’s glass skin. His fingers skittered over the screen for a moment, then a seam appeared in the middle of a window. It extended all the way up as the panes glided apart, opening the warehouse to the evening air. Rey gasped as the sounds and scents of the city wafted toward her on a refreshing breeze. Mesmerized, she walked toward the open wall. At fourteen stories, they weren’t so high that she couldn’t make out the ground level, but it was still high enough that she worried about the opening since there was no railing. Keeping her distance as much as possible, she nevertheless tried to peer downward to see what could be seen.

“You can come closer,” Ben told her from his vantage point right by the opening.

When Rey shook her head timidly, he reached out and slapped the air, startling Rey when an colorless sheen skittered up from where his hand contacted nothingness to extend across the entire opening.

“Forcefield,” he explained. “Right now, it’s set so anything can come in but nothing can go out. It’s for merchandise deliveries. And so you don’t fall out.”

Reassured and curious, Rey moved forward, reaching out to feel the forcefield. Although she’d expected it to feel like the shield on Cholganna, it didn’t. It actually felt soft, yielding, like a giant pillow. It made her smile as she kept pressing her hand against it, seeing how far she could push. She imagined leaning her full body against it, feeling the reassuring embrace of its softness while incongruously seeing no evidence of support below her, but lacked the courage to try.

Looking out at the city again, Rey saw that the sun had already hidden behind another building, casting deep shadows into the warehouse, and she could feel the breeze cooling as it penetrated the forcefield. Points of light were beginning to emerge everywhere she looked and, as she stood there watching, a darkness descended that made the lights all the more brilliant against their backdrop. And she smiled.

“I love this,” she murmured, absolutely entranced by the sight, the sound, and the feel of this place.

She turned to Ben with a smile and caught him watching her with an expression of utmost tenderness on his face. She had seen him watching her before, noticed him gazing upon her wistfully, but this was somehow different. She couldn’t say what it was, exactly—a softness about his jaw, a glimmer in his eyes, she wasn’t sure—but the effect was enthralling and she felt a low churning of pleasurable anxiety twisting deep in her stomach. When one brow twitched, Rey was abruptly reminded that he could sense what she was feeling, and she turned away quickly, ashamed. Reminding herself firmly of who she was, who _he_ was, and what they were _not_ together, she put distance between them, and that was when she became aware of the thrumming beneath her feet.

Initially reminded of the vibration that presaged the train’s movement, Rey quickly realized this was different. It was recurrent, pulsing with rhythmic regularity, not unlike a heartbeat. And she looked at Ben in amused perplexity.

“This room doesn’t move, does it?”

“No,” he answered with a slight laugh. “There’s a club downstairs. That’s another reason Thul has such a hard time finding tenants for this space.”

“He didn’t mention it,” she noted sourly.

“No, he didn’t. Which is another reason why I didn’t mind undercutting his offered rate.”

Rey paused, listening to the distant music she could hear coming through the open window and feeling the corresponding pulse through the building’s structure. Slowly, she started smiling.

“I kind of like it.”

“You do now,” Ben conceded with a smile. “Wait until it goes on without stop all night… If it gets to be too annoying, I can muffle the sound for you.”

“You just have a trick for everything, don’t you?” she laughed.

But, to Rey’s surprise, he shook his head. “No, it’s really more the experience of knowing what I _can_ do and recognizing how it can be applied to various circumstances. I don’t have a way of muffling what you hear, but I can produce a protective bubble that also tends to diminish external noise.”

Rey frowned in thought. “Like the shield on Cholganna?”

“Similar, but I can’t sustain anything that big or that constant.”

“If not you,” she wondered, her frown deepening as her voice took on ominous tones, “who can?”

Ben sighed deeply, his eyes revealing his concern on this point. “I would give nearly anything to find an answer to that question.”

She turned away self-consciously, unable or unwilling to witness the dark worry that clouded his face now. She looked around the huge space again, feeling much more comfortable out here than in the cramped bedroom. Eyeing the doorway between them, she wondered if they would be able to move the bed out here. She wasn’t sure she could actually sleep in that tiny, enclosed space. But as she pondered that question, the pulse beneath her feet morphed into a new rhythmic pattern and Rey was suddenly overcome by intense curiosity.

“Can we go see it?” she asked impulsively.

“The club?”

She nodded, watching as he thought about the idea. She could completely understand his caution, recognizing the potential risk in such an endeavor. And, while she didn’t especially want to go against his wishes, neither did she feel much like having her life dictated to her anymore. At least, not in this moment.

“I’m going,” she announced suddenly, precluding the need for his permission, but softened her decision by adding, “It would probably be more fun _with_ you, though…”

Rey awaited his decision with bated breath. He stood stock still, his face bowed toward the floor. She supposed it would be safer, more prudent to stay here, concealed, away from stray eyes, but she’d been hidden away for the entire portion of her life that she could remember. She may not know what it was to live, but she knew that she hadn’t been doing it herself. And she’d had quite enough of that.

“Come on, Ghrikk,” she cajoled, drawing his gaze with the false name.

He watched her for a moment longer, then made some sort of a decision. He walked toward her, raising a finger at her face as he approached.

“The only way I’m agreeing to this is with some Force manipulation of our names and appearances.”

She didn’t like that. The idea of him manipulating anything in her already muddled head… It was just not a welcome thought. And he knew that.

“What else would it affect?” she wondered. “The name part, I mean.”

“Nothing. Only what comes out of our mouths when we say our names.”

She pursed her lips at him, eyeing him skeptically.

“It’s already done,” he revealed with a nonchalant gesture. “Try it. What’s my name?”

She rolled her eyes, knowing perfectly well that his name was Ben. But when she opened her mouth to tell him that, her throat and lips formed the name _Ghrikk_. Astonished, she tried uttering _Rey_ , but it came out sounding like _Katra_. Ben smiled.

“See? Not messing with your head. We know perfectly well what our names are. We just can’t say them. And you can see past the visual glamour, too, since you know it’s there, if you just look hard enough.”

Rey gasped in astonishment as she suddenly realized that Ben looked different too. A little shorter, fatter, and blonder than usual, the illusion melded back into the image with which she was familiar as she gazed at him. And she grinned, liking this effect very much. She already felt safer, sheltered by the knowledge that she couldn’t inadvertently endanger them by slipping with their names or being seen by the wrong person. So it was with an air of childlike glee that Rey contained her excitement as Ben joined her in a trip downstairs to the source of the music that made the floor dance.

The club turned out to be unlike anything Rey could have ever imagined, and she was immediately glad she had convinced Ben to come along with her to see it. The entrance they took from inside the building actually seemed to be the less used one, the front door being a huge gaping opening in the glass wall just like the one they had left in their warehouse several floors above.

They stood at the top of a wide, curving stair that flowed down to the main floor of the club where people of innumerable races moved and danced. The music consisted of a heavy beat that Rey could feel vibrating in the center of her chest with every deep, bone-jangling pulse, and a roaring melody that was an outright assault on her senses. Though she had yet to try, she knew the only way she would be able to communicate with Ben was by shouting directly into his ear, just like she saw several other couples doing as they descended to the main floor.

At the back of the dark space intermittently lit by flashing and colorful lights was a wide counter, backed by high shelves of intricate bottles filled with liquids of every imaginable color. Rey knew what alcohol was, of course, but was astonished by size and variety of the bar’s collection. Still absorbed by the astounding sights of so many people surrounding them, every one smiling and shouting and dancing and happy to be alive, Rey made no objection when Ben grasped her hand and led her toward the crowded bar.

While he leaned over the counter to shout to the bartender, Rey turned to face the rest of the club. Tables were set in tiered concentric circles out to the far reaches of the enormous space, but the focal point for all of it was an open area in the center, currently packed full of gyrating, undulating bodies. Beyond, the main door of the club—a giant loading door just like the one in their warehouse above—was open to the night and the lights of the city beyond. Rey could just make out an elaborate metal scaffolding by which patrons gained access to the club from the outside, and wondered how she had not noticed this feature when they first entered the building with Thul.

But before she could ponder this further, a touch on her neck startled her and she yelped with a sound that was swallowed by the noise of the club. Turning in instinctive alarm, she sighed in relief when she saw Ben behind the dissolving image of a stranger. Smiling in self-deprecation at him and earning an amused smile in response, she reached for the glass he held out to her. Gazing curiously at the bright blue drink in the oddly shaped glass she held, Rey noted that the drink in his hand was considerably darker than hers. Rather than attempt to answer the question in her eyes, though, he nodded at her, encouraging her to try the drink he’d ordered for her while taking a healthy swig of his own. Sniffing delicately at it first, Rey took a hesitant sip, then widened her eyes in delight as the burst of sweetness registered on her tongue. She saw Ben smile happily at her and she returned the grin as she drank more.

Following along as he led her to a dark table with a small, meager light at its center, Rey noticed he had selected a spot that offered an excellent vantage point from which to observe the goings on in the rest of the club. A serving droid came by soon after settling at the table, and Rey watched in fascination as Ben gave his order while she struggled to hear him. The droid, though, appeared to have no difficulty whatsoever—probably equipped with extra-sensitive directional microphones—and returned in quick order with a new drink for Rey to try.

This one was layered with red, orange, and pink liquids in a sharply flaring glass with a long, delicate stem. Before she could try it, though, Ben shook his head and reached for her hand. Showing her with his own to extend one finger, she gasped when he maneuvered that finger into the layered depths of the drink. Laughing in surprise, she watched as her finger disturbed and mixed the layers, causing the three colors to swirl around one another in beautiful patterns but without ever blending. When Ben released her wrist, he gestured for her to lick the alcohol from her finger. Self-consciously, she did so, getting her first taste of the drink.

Leaning close, he shouted into her ear, “It’s called a Corellian Sunrise. Stirring it with your finger changes the flavor, so it’s different for everyone.”

She nodded, taking a sip of the drink and smiling. When she set the glass down and opened her mouth to speak, Ben obligingly leaned forward, giving Rey his ear.

“Is this what people do for fun?”

“Sometimes,” he answered, his breath brushing against Rey’s neck. “Some people.”

“You?”

He shrugged. “Not usually. Do you like it?”

Rey nodded enthusiastically, her wide, delighted eyes roaming around the room and all its activity as she continued to sip her drink. As she sat there, constantly finding new and fascinating sights to draw her attention, she slowly realized the music was infecting her. Unable to keep still in her seat, she found various parts of her body wanting to move. As she finished her Corellian Sunrise, she couldn’t stand it anymore.

“I want to dance!” she shouted into Ben’s ear, to which he nodded encouragingly.

Realizing he meant for her to go down to the dance floor without him, Rey was a little disappointed, but not enough to argue or change her mind. But before standing, she leaned over to shout in his ear.

“Get me another Sunrise!”

He nodded, smiling in such a way that Rey thought he had laughed at her request, though she couldn’t hear it. Rising to her feet, she noticed a strange sensation, as if her head continued to rise beyond the limits of her height. Laughing, she found she liked the floaty sensation and turned to give Ben a little wave before she bounded down the tiers to the dance floor, where she promptly lost herself in the pounding music and undulating bodies. She didn’t know what she was doing and didn’t care, knew only that she wanted to move to the insistent beat of the music and was more than happy to give herself over to instinct. A couple times, she glanced up to find Ben watching her intently, and she grinned, pleased to know that he was always so diligent in guarding her and feeling confident of her safety under his watchful eye.

Eventually, flushed and exhausted by the heat and crush of bodies on the dance floor, Rey made her way back to Ben. Her head doing its wavy spinny thing that she quite liked, she noticed a second Corellian Sunrise awaiting her finger, as well as a few more empty glasses than hadn’t been there when she’d gone off to dance. Eyeing Ben with a smile, she noted his relaxed manner and easy smile, which only made her smile more.

Sitting down close to him, she surprised both him and herself when she reached impulsively for his hand. Mirroring what he had done with her hand not long ago, he jerked his hand back when she tried to plunge his finger into her drink, his eyes surprised as they stared intently into her face.

“I already know what it tastes like for me!” she shouted into his ear, quickly finding she had to concentrate in order to get the words out clearly past the buzzing in her head. “Now I want to taste it with you!”

He continued to stare at her, his eyes wide, shocked, perhaps even somewhat alarmed, and she laughed at his silliness. Tugging his hand a bit, she saw him lick his lips anxiously before giving into her request and allowing her to guide his finger into her drink. She stirred with his finger, giggling inaudibly as the red, orange, and pink swirled around each other, then pulled his finger out. Impulsively and without thinking at all, she quickly wrapped her lips around his finger and slurped the clinging alcohol from his skin. She stifled a grin when his reaction was to first freeze entirely then turn his face away from her, his throat working visibly with some emotion the floating in her head prevented her from quite understanding. Giggling again, she sat back in her seat and sipped her drink, her eyes suddenly widening in delight.

“I like how you taste!” she shouted into his ear before slurping down more of her drink.

He stared at her hard with an intense and inscrutable expression on his face for a moment before gesturing to a serving droid. Having apparently already established a protocol with the it, the droid promptly brought another of his dark drinks in a low, boring glass, rather than coming to take his order. And Rey watched, her eyes widening, as he quickly and determinedly gulped it down. Slamming down the empty glass with a sound Rey could barely hear, she saw him suck in air past his teeth as he shook his head sharply, as if to clear it of fuzziness. Pondering him intently, she gulped at her own drink, fully aware that it was the cause for this floaty feeling in her head and not wanting to lose it.

By the time her glass was empty, Ben still had not looked at her. But, to her surprise, he suddenly stood up and reached out to her. Placing her hand in his without hesitation, she rose and followed him down to the dance floor where they moved and danced and laughed together. Enjoying herself immensely, Rey found herself more often than not pressed against him, his hands hot and heavy against her back, her arms, and even sometimes her thighs. Some distant portion of her buzzing mind that was still capable of rational thought realized she was far more lost in him this time than in the music, and that she simply loved it.

With her back pressed against his chest, her hips swaying with the music, and her hands thrust behind her to grip the outer surface of his muscular thighs, her head fell back against his shoulder and she felt a thrill deep in her stomach as his face came down low against hers. Pressed cheek-to-cheek, Rey thought she felt his lips brush her neck. Gasping in shock, she tried to say his name but it came out wrong and the alien feel of the unfamiliar name threw her off. Her hands curled against his thighs and she felt more than heard a deep growl that rumbled in his chest. Startled, she lifted her head, the spinning there now quite intense as she tried to understand what was happening.

Though she had been quite warm ever since her first stint on the dance floor, her skin now felt liable to burst into flame and she blearily stumbled forward, seeking some relief from the unrelenting heat. With some difficulty and via an entirely non-linear route, Rey at last emerged from the crowded dance floor and felt a cool breeze hit her face. Blinking several times before she could make sense of what she saw, she finally recognized the wide open door at the front of the club, the metal balcony and scaffolding beyond, and the bright lights of the dark city further out. Reaching to steady herself by any means necessary, Ben was suddenly there, wrapping one arm around her back and pulling her tight against his side. She smiled up at him and he mirrored the expression, then led them both out toward the coolness outside, knowing the way he always did just what she needed.

At last caressed by the cool night air that felt incredibly soothing against her overheated skin, Rey sighed contentedly as she gripped the railing, leaning out over it and feeling her head swim with the height at which she found herself. Though considerably less than that from their fourteenth floor warehouse, it was still quite high.

“Come here,” she heard Ben murmur as he pulled her away from the edge and into his embrace, only then recognizing that the noise of the club was drastically reduced out here.

Absently recognizing there must be some sort of forcefield across the doorway to engender such an effect, Rey was suddenly far too exhausted to care. She laid her head on Ben’s shoulder, her cheek pressed against his chest, and after a moment she laughed lightly and pressed her hand against him in front of her face.

“I can hear your heart beating,” she said, her voice sounding and feeling strange to her, but the sensation of his arms across her back feeling so good and so right.

And then, as if the moment couldn’t get any more perfect, it started to rain. Rey looked up toward the distant sky with a gasp, closing her eyes and smiling as fat drops of water began to fall upon her face in an ever-quicker and more sporadic tempo. Laughing in delight as the individual drops melded into a constant deluge, she spun away from Ben, turning happily in the downpour, her arms spread wide to welcome the water from the sky.

“I love the rain!” she cried, turning one more time before coming to as much of a halt as her spinning head would permit. “I used to see it under the shield, but I could never feel it. I always wanted to… And now I always can! I love the rain!” she repeated, turning and twirling her way back toward Ben. “And I love this planet! And I love tonight! And I love—”

Suddenly finding herself crushed against Ben’s chest once more, she grinned up at him, the rain still falling in rivulets over her skin, dripping from his hair past his smiling eyes and down onto her face. Without conscious intent, her left hand lifted to cradle his cheek, one finger instantly finding the groove of the scar that was hard to discern past the glamour he’d placed over his appearance. And, suddenly, as she fell into the depthlessness of his eyes, recognizing the utter devotion and adoration with which he gazed down upon her, the reality that she had somehow managed to forget came crashing back into her. As her heart hammered in panicked anxiety, his face lowered, his lips seeking hers, and she instinctively spoke the truth that had somehow managed to elude her until now, instantly breaking her heart almost as assuredly as it broke his.

“I’m not her.”

Only then realizing how thoroughly she had lost herself in the illusion that she actually was his long lost wife, Rey watched in misery as her hoarse words broke through the haze of the alcohol-induced desire than had gripped them both. And, as his gaze cooled then his hold loosened, Rey felt the hot stinging in her eyes that informed her it wasn’t only rain that streaked her face now. Slowly, deliberately, he released her and turned away.

“Ghrikk…”

Rey cringed, hating that she couldn’t speak his name, the sorcery he’d placed on her mouth leaving her with a jarring reminder of just how fucked up their circumstances really were, and she swore in frustration.

“No,” he said quickly, coming back to take her hand, although she couldn’t help but recognize he didn’t meet her gaze anymore. “You’re absolutely right. And we should get back. You need some rest for tomorrow.”

She didn’t know exactly what he meant by that, but she was far too exhausted and distraught to consider asking for clarification. All she cared about just now was that he held her hand again, which she took as an indication that she hadn’t irrevocably fucked everything up with her stupid drunken revelry. Perhaps tomorrow everything would be back to normal again, and they could pick up where they’d left off. But, still, Rey couldn’t help but feel like that would nevertheless constitute a loss, and realized she would miss being in his arms, his heartbeat pulsing against her cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOOO close! Just a breath away, and they could have been kissing. Oh, Rey… Rey, Rey, REY!
> 
> As you may have guessed, being that our two lovebirds are off on their own with neither adult witnesses nor child distractions, the “burn” part of our “slow burn” story starts to come into play here. And, since this chapter was in Rey’s POV, what do you suppose was going through Ben’s mind when she licked her drink off his finger, hmm…???
> 
> Up Next: Routines and Crystals. It’s another long chapter, so I hope you don’t mind that too much. Seriously, if you have any thoughts regarding chapter lengths, please feel free to let me know.
> 
> Also, have you all seen the mood boards I’ve created for the past few chapters and that are posted on Tumblr? I haven’t figured out how to post them here (Can anyone help me out with that?), so I’m just wondering if anyone has had any thoughts on those. Do they add anything to your experience of each chapter?
> 
> Thank you all so much for taking this journey through my imagination with me! I love sharing my stories with you, and I love seeing how you all absorb, respond to, and anticipate my updates. Interacting with you all is truly one of my favorite parts of every day!!!


	15. Routines and Crystals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben establishes a routine for Rey until a rare opportunity requires an adjustment.

Ben sat at the edge of the open loading door, his legs dangling past the confines of the warehouse. The forcefield was off, and there was nothing impeding him should he decide to pitch himself forward and attempt to fly. He wouldn’t do something so foolish, of course, but the proximity of the drop off gave him a small thrill, an extra edge of alertness that he needed in order to keep his mind off the woman sleeping in the other room.

He had come out here after realizing the only thing he was capable of doing after waking was to watch her sleep, to relive the moment in which he’d nearly lost his self-control and kissed her last night. He’d been so far gone, so absorbed by his instincts and desires—not to mention alcohol—that rational thought had not entered into the equation in the least. But the words she’d spoken, the ones that tore at him and decimated his heart, had brought him back from that edge with brutal efficiency. They reminded him that, no matter what he felt for her and what he longed for from her, she wasn’t willing to provide it for the simple reason that she _thought_ she wasn’t what he wanted.

He knew differently, of course. She may not know everything he did, but there was no doubt in his mind that she was everything he’d ever loved about her, regardless of what she could or could not remember. And to have finally held her in his arms last night… He just wasn’t sure now how he could possibly go back to giving her the distance she wanted.

Abruptly fed up with his self-pity and morose attitude, Ben climbed to his feet. Making sure to reactivate the forcefield before leaving the loading door, he turned toward the bedroom. After knocking loudly, Ben opened the door with a loud greeting and slow movement so as to give Rey plenty of time to stop him should she require privacy. With no response, though, he moved into the tight space to find her stretching and blinking her eyes open.

“How do you feel?” he asked cautiously.

She blinked some more and pondered the matter for a moment before smiling and reporting, “I feel fine. Good, even.”

He nodded, gesturing toward her breakfast atop the bureau. “There’s food for you there. Come out to the warehouse when you’re ready. We’ve got work to do.”

“What work?” she wondered.

“You’ll see,” he answered cryptically over his shoulder, pulling the door behind him.

“Ben?”

“Yes”? he responded, poking his head back in only to find her grinning happily.

“Just wanted to make sure I could say your name again. I hated that!”

He smiled then gestured again. “Get moving. We don’t have all day.”

The moment she appeared at the doorway, fed and ready to go, Ben seized her hand and dragged her along as he began running. She objected at first, then went along with his dictate when he explained they were exercising, but it wasn’t long before she was complaining again. After as much running as he thought her body could handle, he led her though several other exercises designed to strengthen her muscles. He was dismayed but not surprised to find she was not in nearly the prime physical condition she’d once enjoyed, but he also knew it would return in time. He just had to be prepared to endure and ignore all her grumbling along the way.

When at last he decided she’d accomplished enough for her first day, he settled her down into meditation exercises. Focusing for this first day on quieting her body and becoming aware of her surroundings, he was again dismayed but not surprised to find she had absolutely zero awareness of the Force at all. He walked her through the meditation routine, but omitted all reference to the Force, sensing the reminder of what she lacked would only add to her frustration and resentment in the wake of the exercising.

Once the morning had dwindled away, he directed her to the fresher, then led her out into the city. Pausing for a meal on the way, they returned to the shuttle where he commenced her first lesson in piloting. As much as she hated the calisthenics, she loved flying and so, by extension, did Ben. Attempting not to be creepily obvious when he gazed at length upon her as she grinned and laughed and _whooped_ over every new skill she tried, Ben nevertheless couldn’t get enough of seeing her so happy and he knew he would always look forward to these lessons as much as she did.

After landing in the public docking bay again, they found their way back into the city proper and took a leisurely walk through the public park they had seen from the mag-lev. As Ben knew she would be, Rey was especially taken with the enormous fountain that rose several times their height and spewed water from countless orifices. With the spray constantly splashing out far enough to reach them on the adjacent path, Rey was left squealing in delight as she smiled into the mist covering her face. Ben kept his distance, though, preferring to take his pleasure from watching her rather than getting uncomfortably wet. But, soon enough, Rey had decided he should experience the same joy she did, and dragged him into the spray along with her. Her persistence eventually forced Ben to pick her up bodily and move her soaking form away from the fountain, laughing and kicking, before he was equally as drenched.

On their way back to the warehouse, Ben—as the more presentable of the two—retrieved a meal from inside an establishment and they sat on a bench to eat while watching the city pass them by. When they reached their building, they ascended the stairs of the metal scaffolding that led to the club’s main entrance eight stories above ground level. The club was not nearly as crowded as it had been the previous night, and Ben was all too aware of how quiet and awkward Rey became as they made their way through the large room and up the interior stairs. Knowing she was feeling self-conscious about what had transpired there the previous evening, Ben did his best to ignore her discomfiture, instead focusing on simply leading her toward the rear entrance where they took the lift up to their dim hallway.

At last back in their new home after a long and exhausting day, Rey quickly flopped down on the bed, only for Ben to order her back to her feet. Once she did, he wrangled the mattress off the bedframe, having determined that moving the entire thing would prove more of a hassle than it was worth. The mattress, though, was easy enough to maneuver through the door and out into the warehouse, where he allowed it to flop down onto the floor. Returning to the tiny bedroom which suddenly seemed considerably more spacious than before, he retrieved the bedroll he had purchased early that morning while Rey still slept, and unrolled it a reasonable distance from the mattress.

“Why so far away?” Rey asked, eyeing the body-length he’d left between her mattress and his bedroll.

“Where do you want me to sleep, Rey?”

Rather than answer, she gestured to the space next to the mattress, and Ben obligingly moved his makeshift bed.

“Is this good?” he asked, indicating not only the position of the bedroll and mattress, but also their location out in the warehouse.

“Absolutely. It was so stuffy in there. I like it a lot better out here.”

To which he agreed.

Although it was still relatively early, they each took their turn in the fresher then settled down into their respective beds. After a little bit of coaxing on his part, Ben launched Rey into a series of questions about him, about herself, about the war…anything and everything she wanted to know that she couldn’t remember. He answered every one of her questions openly and honestly, no matter how difficult either of them found the answers, and Rey watched and listened to Ben attentively through it all.

When the conversation turned to Han Solo, Rey greeted the revelation of how Ben had ended his father’s life by silently gripping his hand. With carefully sensitive questions, she pulled from him the story of Snoke’s manipulations, of the evil voice inhabiting Ben’s head from a very early age, and for the first time in his life he found himself attempting to explain how and why he ended up Supreme Leader of the First Order. But when his story led to meeting a scavenger from Jakku who wielded an uncanny and instinctual ability with the Force, Ben delicately suggested that they save that conversation for another time, seeing as how Rey was hardly able to keep her eyes open any longer.

In the morning, the entire process repeated itself, complete with grumblings against the exercising, acquiescence to the meditating, enthusiasm with the piloting, delight in the evening exploration of the city, and attentiveness to Ben’s stories late into the night. And the next day, again. Then the next. And the next.

By the time a week had passed, Ben was already seeing marked improvement in every one of Rey’s skills. She was able to accomplish more physically, focus more mentally, and respond at the shuttle controls more instinctively. There were, however, still no indications of sensitivity to the Force.

Corellia being an Imperial-controlled system, there were signs of the Empire everywhere. Propaganda posters assuring citizens of all the Empire did to make their lives better. Stormtroopers to patrol the streets and keep order among the citizenry. Occasional raids of individuals and businesses deemed somehow a threat against the established order. For the first week or two, the inevitable encounters had frightened and alarmed Rey, who feared every Imperial entity was there to drag her back to Cholganna whether or not she wished to go. By the end of the second week, however, she was handling them with all the serenity and aplomb that Ben could ask of her, merely diverting her path if need be, lowering her face by inches and no more, and calmly going about her business.

Within a week, Ben was quite confident that the Emperor and Hux had no idea they were on Corellia. Whatever tracer may have been placed on Rey, it clearly was no longer functioning, as evidenced by the lack of any greater Stormtrooper presence than could ordinarily be expected on Corellia. Furthermore, every Imperial flunky he passed demonstrated that searching for a political traitor long thought dead and the nonexistent wife of the Supreme Leader was the furthest thing from their minds, which were all consumed with routine patrols, the persecution of known criminals, and the accepting of bribes. But—whether by cowardice or wisdom, he wasn’t sure—Ben refrained from sharing these observations with Rey, telling himself she had enough to deal with by way of all her training.

Toward the end of the second week, Rey finally staged the rebellion Ben had been expecting. Fed up with the calisthenics that were admittedly becoming easier but also at the same time more numerous, she flat out refused to move another muscle.

“Not until you tell me why!” she shouted in exhausted frustration. “You’ve asked me to trust you, and I have. But I’m tired! I’ve done this every day without fail, and I just want to know why!”

“You can’t fight if you have no endurance.”

“Fight?” she shrieked, incredulous. “I don’t want to fight!”

“You don’t have a choice,” he countered calmly. “Unless you count surrender.”

She glared at him darkly, but made no response.

“Rey, through absolutely no fault of your own, you are a pawn in this game. And if you’re not able to defend yourself, you will just be taken and used for someone else’s purposes. You have the power to prevent that, to accomplish what _you_ want. But not if you can’t fight.”

“But it’s hopeless, Ben! I’m just not a fighter! I’ve told you that from the start. I wouldn’t have the first clue—”

Having followed behind him as he made his way to the corner where he kept his bedroll and a few other things, Rey’s words came to an abrupt halt when he spun unexpectedly and threw something at her. Clearly surprised, she caught the battle staff he had brought to the shuttle back when they had first arrived on Corellia. But, although she stared at it, not only amazed that she caught it but also distinctly confused as to what to do with it, Ben wasn’t quite through surprising her. With a press of his thumb, his lightsaber suddenly hissed to life and he charged her. Smoothly dodging his assault, she whipped the staff around her body and managed to bring it into a firm two-handed position above her head at the same time his lightsaber came down toward her from an overhead strike. Careful to deactivate his weapon before it severed hers in two, he dropped his arms to his sides and simply watched her.

Rey remained frozen in her defensive stance, her eyes wide and frantic as she recognized what she had just done, what her body had known to do despite her conscious ignorance. Breath heaving through her chest as Ben slowly and calmly lifted her weapon from her grip, she continued to stare between him and the weapon as he perched the end of it next to his foot.

“You are a warrior, Rey,” he murmured gently. “It’s there inside you, just as it always has been. When you need it, it will come to you. But the instinct that you just accessed will only get you so far. I can teach you the rest.”

Still clearly dumbfounded by what she’d done, she merely nodded.

A month later, Ben was pleased with her progress on all fronts. She no longer complained about the morning exercise routine, which remained untouched despite the addition of afternoon combat training. In the afternoon sessions as well as her piloting, Ben had slowly begun to notice flutters of the Force. With any other student, they would seem only evidence of alertness to an opponent’s cues, some ineffable instinct that informed her decisions, but Ben knew better.

Her meditating had also become easier and more fruitful, though she as yet had not managed to consciously sense the Force around her. On more than one occasion, he had even taken her to the park, hoping the natural setting might prompt a more direct connection and allow her to sense the energy that bound all life together. But still, even with her fingers dug into the soil or her feet wading into the river, she was unable to sense anything beyond the physical reality that surrounded her. However, like the growing certainty that she was entirely free of the tracer that had led the Stealth Troopers to Naboo, Ben declined to share his observations with her. As far as she knew, he wasn’t the least bit concerned with her access to the Force, never having mentioned it even once in all their time here. In truth, however, it was one of Ben’s constant preoccupations.

In the midst of the sixth week, approaching a month into Rey’s combat training, Ben heard in his casual perusal of the thoughts and activities of the people they passed on the street just what he’d been hoping to catch wind of. In an instant, he pondered the fact that it was early yet in her training, but he also knew he couldn’t squander this opportunity. He simply didn’t know when or if it might arise again. So, although they had been heading toward the shuttle for Rey’s daily lesson in piloting, Ben quickly amended their plan. As they entered the mag-lev station as usual, Ben suddenly grabbed her hand and drew her aside to a secluded corner. Bending his face low over hers, deliberately making it appear to any passers-by that they were engaged in a clandestine assignation, he briefly closed his eyes and cast his mind out for anyone taking too much of an interest in them, either in person or via remote observation. Satisfied he had not attracted any unwanted attention, Ben then turned his focus toward Rey.

“We’re not going to fly today,” he began, absorbing her disappointed gaze and adjusting her hood to more thoroughly hide her face. “There’s something I need and I just caught someone thinking about it. So we need to go do this instead.”

“Alright,” she murmured past her confused expression, and Ben felt his heart soar suddenly with the recognition of how much she trusted him, not even questioning his decision.

“It means going into a more dangerous section of the city,” he warned her, watching the confusion that had been disappointment now morph into worry on her face. “So I need you to stay close to me and be sure not to talk to anyone. Okay?”

She nodded, her eyes so worried now that Ben smiled gently and briefly brushed his hand against her cheek. Earning a cautious smile in return, he led her toward the mag-lev, which took them deeper into the city. Soon after disembarking and making their way into what was known as the blue sector of the city, Ben felt Rey slip her hand into his. He did her one better and smoothly pulled her into his side, one arm anchoring her close there. Still moving forward slowly, aware but apathetic to the people flowing around them, Ben leaned down close to speak softly to her.

“This is Treasure Ship Row. It’s the largest market of its kind in the whole of the galaxy, but that’s mostly because of all the illegal activity, so it also gets a lot of attention from the Empire. We’ll need to be careful here.”

Ben felt more than saw Rey nod, and he lifted his head as he maneuvered them deeper into the market. It was loud and bustling, countless numbers of people hurrying in every direction, heedless of the bodies they pushed out of their way in the process. Vendors and merchants lined the street, shouting out a menu of wares and merchandise available, adding to the dizzying blur of activity. At one point, a scantily clad woman planted herself before them, commencing a highly suggestive dance and forcing them to divert their path around her. In another incident, a drunken man stumbled into Rey, clutching at her cloak in an effort to right himself and prompting Ben to accomplish the feat for him.

It seemed an interminable length of time that they wandered the congested and confusing market, attention drawn by so many sights and sounds that it quickly became challenging for Ben to manage it all. In addition to maintaining the glamour he’d placed over both of them, he was on high alert to provide him advance awareness should anyone find any particular interest in them or for any mention or thought of Ben Solo or Rey. Furthermore, he was constantly throwing out the name of the merchant he had acquired out to the surrounding people, waiting for someone’s mind to respond in recognition. He was just becoming aware of his own mental fatigue and rising impatience when he finally caught the scent he’d been searching for.

Smoothly pulling Rey to the left side of the street, Ben looked down at a table covered with cheap baubles and pointless junk. A Neimoidian of quite small stature sat behind the table, barely paying attention to the endless flow of people who glanced and just as quickly passed over her wares. But Ben knew that not all was as it seemed here. The small female was not nearly as disinterested as she seemed, and the junk on display was not what made her profits.

“Ersiy Ofro,” Ben stated in a subdued timbre, earning only a subtle lifting of the woman’s dull gray chin in response.

Her broad, glittering eyes were difficult to read, but Ben sensed a sudden depth of vigilance in her demeanor. This was not a woman accustomed to being addressed by name by strangers, let alone human ones.

“I wish to see the new merchandise,” Ben murmured nonchalantly.

A fluttering in the folds of skin drooping over the outer curve of her eyes betrayed her tension, but her dour mouth remained defiant.

“Only what’s here,” she stated flatly with a flip of her hand.

Ben took an abrupt step forward and threw his hood back, fixing her resolutely with an imperious glare and just the slightest press of the Force as he replied, “We both know that’s not true.”

Her eyelids contracting momentarily in surprise and fear, she hesitated only another moment before nodding and gesturing for them to come quickly with her. Gripping Rey’s hand, Ben unhesitatingly followed Ofro behind the table and through the door at the back of her stall. The diminutive woman muttered something in a buzzing language at another Neimoidian, and Ben sensed that she was ordering her employee to mind the stall and tell no one of their clients.

Fully aware of the surprise and alarm with which the few people they encountered on their path through the dark, close hallways regarded them, Ben was also aware of Rey’s worry. But Ben knew through the Force that the Neimoidians were far more concerned about the two mysterious cloaked figures then they needed to be, and he took comfort in that fact. He gave Rey’s hand a gentle squeeze and rubbed his thumb tenderly over the inside of her wrist, smiling to himself when he felt her tension ease a little.

Ofro turned aside into a small dingy room and Ben guided Rey to follow. Gesturing impatiently for them to move into the far corner of the crowded space, Ofro reached into a crate near the door and emerged with a black pouch clutched tightly in her hand.

“Where did you get these?” Ben asked, nodding toward the pouch.

“Acquired from a recent salvage.”

Reading between the words of her explanation, Ben confirmed his suspicion that Ofro’s business was the legitimate face of a piracy enterprise. He therefore asked his next question in deliberately soft tones.

“Was it an Imperial ship?”

The sudden spike of fear in Ofro’s mind was sharp and overwhelming, but Ben only kept his eyes on her steadily, awaiting her response, which she gave in the form of an uncertain nod.

“Headed toward Mustafar?”

Another nod.

“I require privacy to inspect the merchandise,” Ben stated flatly, softening the demand by adding, “If they pass my inspection, I will purchase three and provide you a fair price for them. And you shall never hear from me again.”

Ofro hesitated, her eyes narrowing first at Ben then Rey before she finally nodded once again and extended her hand with the black pouch. Throwing Ben another cautious glance before doing so, she then reached into the same crate once more and extracted a small device to hand him before shuffling from the room, closing the door behind her.

Ben wasted no time. Turning an empty crate upside down, he glanced around briefly and found a bolt of dark fabric, which he flung over the makeshift table. Kneeling down with Rey at his side, he very carefully opened the pouch and eased little subdued sparkles of color out onto the fabric.

“What is it?” Rey breathed softly as peered intently at them in the dimness.

“Kyber crystals,” he answered reverently, feeling the distinct pulse of power in the Force that informed him they were genuine. “They are natural focal points for the Force.”

He took a moment to count and arrange the eleven crystals on the fabric then switched on the torch Orfo had handed him, aiming its light down onto the crystals. Rey gasped in astonishment as their colors blazed forth, radiating from deep inside their crystalline cores.

“Can you feel their energy?”

When she hesitated, Ben reached for her hand and positioned it to hover close above the crystals.

“Close your eyes,” he instructed. “Can you feel that? Like a little wave pushing at your skin?”

Rey frowned, the space between her brows pinching in concentration and frustration. “I… I’m not sure.”

Stifling a disappointed sigh, Ben just nodded and clicked off the torch. “Touch them. Feel them. Just be careful not to lose any. They’re very valuable. Very precious.”

As Rey followed his instructions, so did he, feeling each one’s energy and attempting to assess how it would mesh or clash with his various purposes. As he did, he was able to read the history of three of the crystals, ascertaining that they had been extracted from the lightsabers of Jedi knights murdered in the initial purge during the Clone Wars. Their energies, having once been claimed and attuned to long-dead Force-users, were faint and melancholy, sad. He hoped initially that perhaps one of them might respond to Rey’s essence, knowing that they would be more likely to adapt successfully to being encased in a lightsaber, having done it once already. But these hopes were dashed pretty quickly, their Force essence having changed only by scant degrees once she handled them.

He knew pretty quickly which one seemed right for her, but it was always a tricky thing, choosing kyber crystals for a third party. It was always much more effective when doing so directly for oneself, so Ben withheld comment until Rey had handled and inspected all eleven of them.

“Is there one that stands out to you?” he asked. “That you like the best, or that you feel drawn toward?”

“There are a couple…”

“Which?”

Rey reached out and selected two crystals, including the one Ben had pegged for her. Both of moderate size, one sheltered an amber core within its crystalline depths. But the one that had seemed to Ben to reach out for Rey more strongly shimmered with iridescence that flirted with many colors all at once. With her selections cradled in her hand, Ben swiftly gathered up the rest of the crystals and placed them safely back in their pouch, then he indicated Rey should set the two down. Clicking on the torch again, he shone the light into the crystals, allowing Rey the opportunity to examine them once more. As the light hit the iridescent stone, a deep red color emerged from its depths as the dominant hue, and Ben stifled a deep-seated sense of satisfaction, thinking of the red cast of his own lightsaber.Setting both the extinguished torch and the pouch carefully aside, Ben took the two crystals, one in each hand.

“Close your eyes,” he instructed Rey, placing the crystals back on the crate-table once she had. “Picture the two crystals in your mind, every subtlety, every nuance. _Feel_ them with your thoughts. Try to peer inside them, hear them.”

He paused, watching her face closely, frowning by varying degrees as she diligently attempted to follow his instructions. It would be so much easier, of course, if he could simply tell her to reach for the one that vibrates in sympathy with her own Force signature. But with her own awareness of the Force still so tentative and fragile, that wasn’t possible at this point. He wasn’t entirely confident that his tactic would work just as well, but Ben could only have faith that the right crystal would exert enough pull on her Force energy that she would choose it when given the chance. To that end, he gently took her hand in his—smiling slightly at the subtle gasp that escaped her throat at his unexpected touch—then guided it to hover over the two crystals.

“Reach for your crystal, Rey.”

Ben watched, fascinated, as her hand slowly descended, trembling and wavering first toward one crystal then the other. Ultimately, her fingers settled onto the fabric between them, forcing Ben to suppress a disappointed sigh, but then she gasped suddenly as her little finger brushed the edge of the iridescent crystal. Her fingers scrambled quickly in its direction, scooping it up deftly and causing her eyes to snap open, wide in delight, just like her grin.

“This is mine,” she said, her voice full of wonder. “It _belongs_ to me!”

Ben couldn’t help but echo her smile, her enthusiasm entirely contagious.

“Hold onto that,” he instructed as he busied himself setting the rest of the crystals out once again. “Now see if you can help me choose crystals for Declan and Aileen. Think of them, remember your interactions with them, how they speak to you, the sound of their voices, how you feel in their presence. Do any of these—?”

Before Ben could even finish his question, Rey reached resolutely for the amber crystal she had rejected.

“This one. It wasn’t quite right for me, but it’s perfect for Declan.”

Ben stared, astonished. He had picked out a green one for Declan, but the certainty in Rey’s voice had him reconsidering the amber one. Taking in into his hand, he closed his eyes and felt its strong Force signature. As he pictured his son’s essence, a burst of color flashed behind his eyes and he realized how perfectly the two resonated with each other. Ben smiled.

“Yes, that’s definitely Declan,” he murmured, entirely aware of the implications that she was able to choose their son’s crystal more effectively than he.

Tamping down the overwhelming surge of affection he suddenly felt toward his soul’s match, Ben turned his attention back to the task at hand.

“And Aileen?”

Rey frowned at the remaining crystals but soon shook her head. “I can’t tell. I can’t get past her anger,” she confessed softly.

Biting back the sadness that suddenly engulfed him, Ben reached for the deep azure crystal he had noticed on his first inventory. Handing it to Rey, he asked, “What do you think of this one?”

She studied it, held it close in her hand, closed her eyes, then slowly nodded. “Maybe. I think. I’m not sure…”

With a smile, Ben gathered the rest of the crystals back into their pouch, making certain to leave the iridescent, amber, and azure ones out. Rey watched closely as he did, then shook her head.

“I don’t understand. What is this for? Don’t you need one?”

“It’ll make more sense in a few weeks. You’re not quite ready for this yet, but we couldn’t wait.”

“Why not?”

“We might not get another chance,” he said, continuing when she remained confused. “We’re dealing in contraband here, Rey. These are illegal and hard to come by.”

She frowned down at the three beautiful crystals nestled innocuously on the dark fabric. “Why?”

“Because the Empire has taken it upon itself to eradicate the Force from the galaxy. That includes any focal point for it, whether living or mineral. These were being taken to Mustafar to be destroyed in the volcanoes there.”

Rey continued to stare at the crystals, but Ben knew her mind was elsewhere. And when she looked at him with utter despair in her eyes, his heart clenched for her pain.

“Then why am I alive?”

Having no answer for her, Ben could only pull her into his embrace and hold her tight, assuring her the best way he knew how that he would do everything in his power to keep her safe. Restraining himself from the impulse to press his lips to her forehead, he focused on pulling her hood back up over her head with the explanation that he was anxious to be out of Ofro’s sphere. With her nod, he opened the door to summon the merchant, settled on a fair price for the three crystals, made arrangements for payment, then hurried off. Once they had finally made it home and he had carefully stowed the crystals in a sturdy case, only then did Ben breathe easier.

By then, it was surprisingly late. They headed out for a quick bite to eat, then came right back home, ready for bed. They talked a little, as usual, but Ben sensed that Rey was carefully avoiding the more disturbing topics, such as why Hux had kept her alive if the Empire’s aim was to eradicate all traces of the Force. It was a question for which Ben still had no satisfactory answers beyond the idea that the Emperor’s true goal was not to eliminate the Force entirely, but only those elements that were not under his direct control. The best he could assume was that the Emperor had indulged his second-in-command by allowing Hux to keep his pet Jedi so long as she was suitably contained. As explanations went, it was wholly inadequate, but it was unfortunately the best Ben had managed to generate.

Despite his restraint in withholding these dire thoughts and speculations from Rey, she nevertheless seemed particularly melancholy during their conversation. But when he attempted to draw her out of her own head, she merely insisted she was tired and needed to sleep. With a gentle but sad smile for Ben, she turned her back to him and curled herself into a ball. It was a long time before Ben could reach his own slumber, worried as he was for her state of mind.

He knew in their month on Corellia she had come to some measure of acceptance regarding the lies Hux had perpetuated upon her, but he still didn’t have a clear sense of just what that meant for her emotionally. He didn’t know how she felt about Hux any more, and he couldn’t quite bring himself to ask, fearful of the answer he might receive. It was the same reason he steadfastly refused to invade her mind. He was always aware of her, cognizant of her general emotional state as well as strong thoughts that sometimes came through their otherwise dormant bond. But he was adamant in the belief that her recovery was challenging enough without him rooting around in her head and causing her to question whether her thoughts were actually hers or bleeding over from him. So, despite that he suspected his intervention could move things along both with regard to her access to the Force and the recovery of her memories, he held to his personal vow that he would not impose that upon her without her explicit request.

Of course, that resolve was tested horribly a few hours later when he woke suddenly to the sound of Rey screaming in terror and agony.

Finding himself on his feet in a defensive crouch with his lightsaber hissing and spitting in his grip, Ben had to blink several times and cast his awareness out into the warehouse twice before he could convince himself they were alone. Rey was still screaming, though, curled into a little ball hunched over her knees, writhing, moaning, and crying in agony.

Throwing his lightsaber aside, Ben lunged for her, pulling her into his arms and seeking her face. Though her eyes were open, he sensed she was still caught in her nightmare, and Ben placed his hands on either side of her face.

“Rey,” he murmured, attempting repeatedly to be heard between her cries and sobs until at last he had to shout her name.

A gasp tore through her body and her eyes shifted. Awareness flooded them instantly as she recognized Ben in front of her, and she dissolved into tears, his name uttered brokenly as she fell into his embrace, weeping bitterly against his chest.

“What is it?”

“I don’t know!” she wailed miserably, sobs choking and impeding her breath as she struggled within herself. “It was a nightmare, but I can’t remember it now. All I remember is…pain. Oh gods, Ben, there was so much pain! And I’m so scared!”

Before he could respond, she pulled away from him, looking desperately for answers in his face.

“Ben,” she croaked, her voice strained with emotion, “what did he _do_ to me?”

Feeling his heart break, Ben pulled her more firmly into his embrace, tucking her body in close against his, wrapping his legs around her in his effort to completely envelop her. Rage simmered below the surface of his control but he held it back, knowing his fury over Hux’s treatment of his wife would not help her right now. All he could do was hold her, rocking her in her misery, stroking her back, and pressing kisses against her hair, all the while murmuring gently to her, reassuring her that she was safe and he would keep her that way.

Slowly, after an interminable time, she calmed. Ben remained silent, his head spinning with theories about what had happened but giving her the chance to dictate where they went from here by withholding his thoughts. After a suspended length of time in which she remained enclosed in his embrace, her hands only occasionally gripping his clothing or a shaky breath rushing through her lungs, she let him know what that direction was.

“It wasn’t the altered dream,” she murmured softly, the exhaustion evident in her voice. “I’m certain of that.”

“A memory, then?” he suggested.

Wearily, Rey pushed against his chest to sit up and look at him, her eyes deeply concerned.

“That’s what I’m wondering,” she admitted. “But why now? And why can’t I remember it, if I could dream it?”

She sat before him, still close but no longer directly in his embrace. Her eyes were wide, frightened, clearly looking to him for answers, and Ben couldn’t help but recognize that the only answers he had were ones she probably didn’t want.

“It could be the crystal,” he finally admitted.

“The crystal?” she repeated, her surprise evident. “How could that have anything to do with this?”

“Your crystal’s Force energy resonates with yours. It could be picking up what little of your Force signature has returned and is activating it, augmenting it. Your dream could be the Force trying to help you push through the block against your memories.”

“Why?”

“To help you regain what you lost.”

Rey turned her face aside and Ben saw a shudder work its way through her body.

“If that pain is what I lost,” she murmured dejectedly, “I’m not sure I want it back.”

Ben bowed his head, knowing full well that a vast quantity of the memories waiting for her were not pleasant. And, with the residual evidence of the dream she couldn’t recall, it seemed there was a lot more unpleasantness he _wasn’t_ aware of. Still, he knew that wasn’t all that awaited her, and that was the only comfort he could offer her. Reaching forward to cradle her hand in his, he brought her fingers to his lips, pressing a tender kiss against her knuckles.

“I promise you, Rey, pain is not all you lost.”

As Ben lifted his gaze, nervous he’d find a rejection of his overture toward affection in her eyes, he instead found an increased measure of despair there, rather than the comfort for which he’d aimed.

“But even the good memories will carry their pain, won’t they, Ben? Because they’ll show me what I’ve missed out on for the past six years.”

Ben bowed his head, unable to refute the unfortunate truth of her words. Disheartened, his hand loosened on hers and she took the opportunity to slip her fingers from his grip. They both sat, shoulders slumped and faces held low, each gripped in the misery of their circumstances. But, although he sensed his proposal would meet with considerable resistance, Ben couldn’t bring himself not to broach the opportunity he saw.

“The Force is trying to help you, Rey. Let it.”

Warily, she lifted her gaze to meet his. “How?”

“Try to access your memories.”

To his surprise, she considered his suggestion. Rather than outright reject the idea as he’d expected, her face took on a pensive quality as she pondered it. But, though it took longer than he’d thought, she nevertheless concluded with a firm shake of her head.

“Not now,” she murmured softly. “I’m exhausted and… That pain… I just can’t right now.”

Her eyes pleaded with his for understanding, and he readily gave it, nodding his assent. It was, after all, her choice to make. Not his. If she wasn’t ready to try, then they wouldn’t. Simple as that.

Offering her a small smile as a token of his acceptance of her decision, Ben turned slowly to slither his way off her mattress and back to his bedroll. He settled down, taking a moment to retrieve his lightsaber from where he’d flung it and tuck it back next to his pillow, right where it spent every night. By the time he was settled, Rey was too. But, whereas she had turned her back on him at the beginning of the night, now she lay on her side facing him, her hands tucked tight beneath her chin in a posture that somehow augmented the vulnerable look that inhabited her gaze.

She was frightened, he realized with an agonizing jolt. The dream and its attendant pain had shaken her badly, and she was terrified of it happening again. Her eyes followed him closely and, when he tentatively reached a hand forward as an offering, she quickly accepted, twining her fingers with his. This seemed to have the opposite effect either of them had anticipated, however, and soon her slender frame was trembling with tension.

“Rey,” Ben whispered, at last unable to stand witnessing her state of anxiety. “Can I—? Do you want me to…to hold you?”

A tear broke the perimeter of her eye as she nodded fiercely, clearly relieved by his offer. Flinging his blankets aside, he managed to maneuver his way onto her mattress without releasing her hand. She molded to his side, fitting herself beneath his arm and against his chest as she snuggled into his warmth. He pulled the blanket up over her back and encased her in his arms, cradling her head against his shoulder and shamelessly pressing a kiss to her forehead as he held her close.

Slowly, her trembling eased, then her breathing evened and her body relaxed into slumber. Ben continued to hold her long after she’d fallen asleep, smelling her, feeling her, indulging in the sensation of her cheek and palm resting so intimately against his chest. But it was a long time before the endless litany of the words in his mind—words he felt so keenly yet locked so steadfastly away from his voice—eased their grip on his consciousness and allowed him to sleep. Until then, all he knew was:

_I love you, Rey. I so love you…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh… Poor Ben. Ever notice how much we say that in this fandom?!
> 
> Ok. So I heard loud and clear that you don’t mind long chapters. Or, at least, I haven’t heard any complaints about them. Therefore, I am going to stop worrying about how long the chapters are and just write what I want to write. It seems like you all might approve of that! But thank you so much for indulging my need for reassurance!!! (We all know writers are a neurotic bunch, yeah?)
> 
> Up next (yes, squeals of delight over this title are permitted and even encouraged): The Bond Reforged. It’s got like a LotR vibe going, doesn’t it? ;-) 
> 
> Also, NSFW warning is up for the next chapter. (More squeals of delight? Although, don’t get too excited; it’s not what you think.) And, as another neurotic need for feedback, does anyone want me to make provisions for being able to skip over the more intimate scenes? I will include them either way, but I can also include some sort of visual marker so you can skip down to that rather than read through all the gory, intimate details. If no one tells me they’re concerned about that, then I won’t include it. But I at least wanted to make the offer!
> 
> Finally (and related), you may notice that I recently changed the rating for both this and “Conflicted” from Explicit to Mature. While there will be scenes of an explicit nature, I didn’t feel the Explicit rating was warranted when compared with some of the other fanfics I’ve read, simply because there aren’t nearly as *many* explicit scenes. I’m not necessarily seeking feedback on this point, but I just wanted to make sure you were aware of my rationale, in case it makes any sort of difference to you.
> 
> And…lastly (because, you know, that’s different than “finally”…), in case I haven’t said it enough, I really truly deeply enthusiastically ecstatically thank you for spending time with me and my little story. Writing fiction has long been a deep passion of mine, but I have never gotten to indulge it in quite this way before. Being able to share my ideas with you and hear about how much you invest in the characters as I present them for you, I can’t accurately say how much it means to me because the necessary words just don’t exist. So all I can do is say thank you and hope you understand I mean *so* much more than that. {giant group hug}


	16. The Bond Reforged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey starts behaving strangely and Ben finally figures out why…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT AHEAD
> 
> This chapter includes a brief scene of an intimate nature. If you prefer to avoid such scenes, skip over the paragraph beginning “Safely cocooned in his Force bubble” and you’ll be good to go after that!

Over the next two weeks, it became apparent that Rey’s dream-that-was-not-really-a-dream was not going to give her any peace. Although it had not returned the first night, it came upon her almost as soon as she fell into a deep sleep on the second night. Screaming and writhing in pain, weeping with fear and agony, her torment didn’t ease until Ben had woken her and edged her back from the brink of panic. That second night, the matter of him sleeping at her side in the wake of her non-dream was not given a second thought. On the third night, Rey gazed at him with intense fear in her eyes, the request she clearly wanted to make locked firmly in her throat, but Ben didn’t need her to utter the words. With a gentle smile, he moved onto her mattress and she immediately clung to him with a grateful sigh. That night, the dream did not afflict her, but it was back with a vengeance on the fourth night when Rey had mistakenly believed she could get through the night without his psychic protection. Ever since, Ben’s position in her bed had been neither discussed nor challenged by either of them.

Ben didn’t mind in the least, of course. Despite the mental anguish of holding her so close against him without pursuing any of the further actions that constantly occupied his mind, Ben loved spending so much time in such close proximity to her. At first, he hadn’t slept well, holding himself rigid, scared to move lest she realize she didn’t want him there. And, of course, it didn’t help that he couldn’t manage to avoid his physical reaction to her body pressed so close against him. Feeling her breath on his skin, her leg snaking over his, her hand sometimes wandering where he was quite certain she would be mortified to learn it had been while she slept… Still, he wouldn’t trade his new sleeping arrangements for anything, no matter the sore necks, low-grade headaches, and general fatigue he had to deal with as a result.

After a few nights, though, he found a measure of comfort with the situation and began sleeping better. It helped that he routinely woke before her, giving him a chance to assess their physical status and make adjustments to her position against him if necessary, which it almost invariably was. It soon became one of his favorite parts of the day, waking to see how Rey’s body had draped itself across his in her sleep, everything from merely using his arm as a pillow to practically straddling his thighs, his erection pressed dangerously close to the prize it sought despite his strenuous directives to the contrary. Sometimes he woke with her back pressed close against his chest, his arm holding her tight and more than once cradling a breast protectively in his hand, and sometimes the roles were reversed, her small frame wedged against his broad back and once a delicate hand looping around to cradle his pectoral muscle. He’d smiled on that occasion, even stifled his laughter, recognizing how comfortable her subconscious had become with him even though she made no acknowledgement of this during her waking hours.

And yet, it was a problem, too. As pleased as he was with their newfound arrangement, his body was just as discontent, and it reminded him of that fact every morning with a raging, at-times-nearly-painful hard-on. He had desired her, of course, ever since she tended to his wounds from the nexu on Cholganna. But he’d managed to keep his baser impulses under control…until now. With the nightly press of her body against his, the agonizing hours spent waiting for sleep to claim him while he paid close attention to every nuance of this amazing woman he had loved for so long and so completely, the recognition of how much she desired him too on a subconscious level quickly pushed him beyond what he could handle. Well, more accurately, it was rapidly building to a point where he _had_ to handle it, quite literally.

To his private shame, he had done so twice already, slipping soundlessly from Rey’s sleeping form, establishing a protective bubble around himself in the fresher—both to spare her the sound of his private activities and to prevent her accidental intrusion—and reemerging to find her still sleeping, blissfully unaware of the carnal fantasies he had just indulged. Today, he woke with his cock hard, heavy, and angry, pressed firmly against her ass and even grinding gently into her tender flesh before he’d achieved full consciousness. In fact, it was the soft groan escaping his throat that jerked him into wakefulness, his eyes wide and his body still as ice. He lay there a moment, distracted by the thundering of his blood through his arteries as he attempted to ascertain whether or not she was awake and aware of what his body had been attempting before it had come fully under his control. Grateful to find her yet gripped by slumber, he slipped soundlessly from the bed, moving swiftly toward the fresher and the privacy it offered.

Safely cocooned in his Force bubble, Ben’s hand reached deftly down into his loose sleep pants and he gripped his heated cock with a loud groan. After ridding himself of his clothes, he stumbled his way into the bathing stall and cranked the water on high, grunting loudly at the sudden sensation of the frigid water hitting his highly sensitive skin. Bracing his hand against the cool tiled wall, he worked himself impatiently, panting and groaning with each pull of his fist as he imagined Rey, his beautiful, sexy, adorable wife, kissing him, stroking him, riding him, her head thrown back in ecstasy as she cried out her pleasure, gripping him with her hands and her core alike as he pushed her closer and closer to the edge. Driven further than he could ever recall before, Ben shouted her name in a guttural groan, his hips bucking against his fist as he abused his dick, gripping harder and jerking faster as he pictured Rey arching against him, her perfect breasts jutting out for his enjoyment as she cried his name, screaming with her release as he did the same, white streams of come coating the wall of the bathing unit as he panted and grunted, slowly descending from the erotic height he had achieved. Once he had himself under control once again, he grimly washed the evidence of his orgasm from the wall and his hands, then dropped the Force bubble before concluding his typical morning shower.

After stepping from the unit, he took his time drying and dressing himself, then crouched for a moment, cradling his head heavily in his hands and breathing deeply. Despite the strength of his physical release, he could already tell it was not enough. The frustration of having the object of his ardent and long-stifled desires so close yet so out of reach was taking a toll on him, and the physical aspect could only alleviate the resulting pressure so much. He didn’t know how much longer he could manage this. And, even worse, he didn’t know what alternative he had.

With a heavy sigh, Ben rose and shoved all his frustrations and misgivings to the back of his mind, forcibly turning his thoughts toward Rey and her training. But as he emerged into the warehouse, he found her sitting erect on the mattress, carefully working not to meet his gaze. Noting the attractive flush coloring her cheeks, Ben knew instantly that she knew what he’d been up to. Mirroring her actions in the way he self-consciously turned aside from her gaze, he tried to ascertain whether or not his Force bubble had failed. Though he couldn’t be certain now since it had dissolved, he couldn’t recall any detail that led him to think he’d mishandled the skill in any way, but his own complexion heated as he recalled the way he’d shouted her name, shamelessly fueling his sexual release with thoughts of her.

Keenly aware of the embarrassment that gripped them both with the mutual realization of the other’s awareness, Ben turned aside with a suppressed sigh to retrieve the datapad he’d prepared for her over the last few days. Pulling up the schematics he’d compiled, he approached her with it held out as some sort of peace offering, allowing both of them to focus on it rather than each other.

“Take it,” he muttered gently, when she hesitated in taking the datapad from him.

She did so tentatively, her eyes flickering toward and away from him hastily before settling on the images on the screen. Swiping through the various perspectives and styles he had gathered for her reference, she finally looked at him directly, her eyes wide.

“Lightsabers? Isn’t it still too soon for that?”

“Ordinarily, yes,” he agreed, crouching down to a more conversational level now that the awkwardness between them seemed to have been circumnavigated. “But this situation isn’t ordinary. You’ve already seen in your combat training that you remember more than you realize. You’re _re-_ learning all this, not building it from scratch, and you’re progressing quickly. But you’ll need a lightsaber of your own if you’re going to get much further.”

Rather than respond, she looked back down at the schematics, her eyes picking out details of the diagrams now. Ben watched as her brow furrowed in an effort to make sense of diagrams the likes of which she had never before seen. He knew she’d dabbled in mechanics back on Cholganna with her droids, but was fairly certain she’d never worked from schematics. Even in her previous life as a ship mechanic and scavenger, he doubted she’d often come across formal schematics. But he could already see her making sense of the two-dimensional representations of circuitry and components, sorting through and identifing the mechanical logic behind their configuration.

“How?” she finally demanded, her face lifting from perusal of the datapad as she shook her head. “How am I supposed to do this?”

“Study those,” he began with a nod of his head, “until you have some idea of what’s common between them and how they’re different. Get a sense of what you think would work well and what wouldn’t, and start formulating a design of your own. But listen to your crystal, too. Your instinct will guide you, and your crystal will guide your instincts, so if something feels right even though you don’t know why, just go with it. Does that make sense?”

She studied him silently for a moment, skepticism tainting her gaze, before she challenged him. “Is this how it’s normally done?”

“No,” he admitted, “but, again, this is not a normal situation. You have a lot more mechanical skill than most students have at this point, and your connection with the Force is not new, only _re-_ newed.”

She sighed deeply, annoyed as she always was by reminders that some part of her consciousness already knew everything she was struggling to learn and master every day. Moved by a mixture of compassion and impatience, Ben instinctively reached his hand forward but retracted it as he thought better of touching her. Instead, he ducked his head down, working to acquire her gaze as he smiled encouragingly at her.

“Give it a shot,” he suggested. “See how it feels. If it doesn’t feel right, we’ll set it aside and come back to it later.”

Reluctantly, she nodded, and Ben reached out to extract the case enclosing the three kyber crystals from his pack. Noticing Rey grit her teeth at this demonstration of his control over the Force, Ben retrieved the case from its trajectory toward him and removed her crystal, handing it to her. An expression of fierce determination possessed her face as she looked down at the crystal cradled in her palm, and Ben thought he sensed a ripple in the Force as it touched her skin. Feeling encouraged as much as she seemed discouraged, Ben retreated, leaving her to do with her time as she saw fit.

Ben gave her space by making his way toward the loading door, which they routinely kept open at all times, both of them liking the breeze and the sounds of the city that it admitted into their sanctuary. Ben had some time ago reconfigured the forcefield to keep anything larger than an insect from penetrating its barrier. So sound and wind were admitted without impediment, but birds, drones, and, most importantly, crafts and people couldn’t make their way inside. Neither could Rey or Ben accidentally stumble across the threshold during one of their intense exercise or training sessions. It had been a worthy solution, affording them the benefit of security without feeling closed in, and Ben reflected upon that as he settled his back against the vertical support to the left of the door.

Taking one last look at Rey hunched over the datapad while yet perched among the twisted blankets of their bed, Ben closed his eyes. Having been so irrevocably and unremittingly focused on Rey’s training in both combat and the Force, Ben had somewhat neglected his own. In guiding her meditation through their daily sessions, he hadn’t had much of a chance to pursue his, communing with the Force and seeking guidance for his worries. He did so now, settling his breathing and feeling the pull not only of Rey, but also the four kyber crystals sheltered with them, one in her hand, two in their case awaiting their children, and one cracked but stabilized within the casing of his own lightsaber. Extending his reach further, he felt the few individuals who inhabited their building with them, and, further beyond, the greater numbers of this sector, many of them still gripped by sleep at this early hour.

As he’d expected would happen through his free-flowing reflection, his mind floated toward the matter of his feelings for Rey, her feelings for him, and the impossible sustainability of their current arrangement. He felt the Force’s empathy for their predicament as well as its urging to stay the course, to exercise patience in quantities greater than he suspected to reside within him, to trust in the ties that had always and would always bind them together, one to the other. By the time he emerged from his meditation, he felt calmer, confident that he could sustain whatever measure of patience she required of him, knowing that his profound love for her would make it possible. And he smiled as he opened his eyes to find her kneeling before him, searching his face uncertainly but breaking slowly into her own smile as she saw him return to her.

“I wasn’t sure if I should disturb you,” she confessed softly. “It’s been hours.”

“It’s alright,” he assured her. “I got what I needed. Did you?”

She nodded enthusiastically, and Ben felt his heart melt a little at the joy shining in her eyes. “Can we go shopping for supplies?”

He laughed, nodded, and, simply because it felt right, seized and kissed her hand. “Of course. But perhaps we should get some food first?”

Rey grinned, and Ben truly could not remember the last time he’d seen her so deeply and completely happy.

A couple hours later, they found themselves in Treasure Ship Row, browsing among the vast assortment of items available for purchase under the protective cover of Ben’s Force glamour. This time, though, Ben held back and allowed Rey to take the lead on their tour through the market. Every time she spotted some wiring or casement or bit of gadgetry she felt might be needed, she merely looked back at Ben lurking behind her and he stepped forward to negotiate a price and purchase it with a swipe of his finger. He watched on a couple occasions as she surreptitiously reached for the crystal he knew lay hidden inside the depths of her cloak and he smiled, recognizing that she was becoming more comfortable with the idea of consulting it during her search for components.

In the course of their meanderings, Ben noticed one of the many brothels that dotted the market and idly wondered if a visit to such an establishment might help with his current preoccupations. Before he could check the direction of his thoughts, he even fantasized about placing a glamour over the prostitute so she would look, sound, and feel like Rey. He quickly rejected the idea, though, knowing that, no matter how ably he might fool his senses, he would still know the hired lay wasn’t the one he longed for, ultimately rendering it an unsatisfying endeavor. And so, it was with an attitude of resignation that Ben turned his attention away from the brothel and back to the task at hand…

…only to find Rey staring at him intently.

Throughout this excursion, she had been entirely focused on the task of locating and acquiring the parts and tools she would need to build her lightsaber. It was entirely out of the ordinary, then, that she had stopped completely and turned the whole of her focus on him during the one moment in which his attention had managed to stray away from its utter absorption with her. Curiosity piqued by this realization, he returned her gaze evenly, which only seemed to make her aware of her own inconsistency. She turned away from his expression of mild consternation and awkwardly resumed her scavenger hunt, but Ben couldn’t help but feel there was an extra measure of something unspoken between them, and it concerned him.

After a long span of time in which Rey continued searching but failed to find something of use, she at last let out a happy little cry as her eyes fell upon a bit of junk that Ben assumed she felt would make an ideal casing for her weapon. After stepping forward to make his offer to the vendor, Ben watched as Rey gleefully added the purchase to her satchel then looked up at him with smiling eyes.

“Do you have everything you need now?”

Rey cocked her head in a gesture that struck Ben as particularly adorable and contemplated the extent of her newly acquired treasures. Ben’s subtle smile deepened as he watched her surreptitiously stroke the crystal hidden within the protective folds of her cloak before she nodded.

“Yes, I think so.”

Returning her smile, Ben extended his hand in offering and felt the corner of his mouth curl in satisfaction when she accepted it by placing her hand in his. He set them on a new path, knowing that they had traversed enough of the blue sector now to have made their way closer to the next stop for the mag-lev than the one from which they had disembarked hours ago. This took them onto an entirely new street, one they had yet to come across, and it soon had Ben fervently wishing they’d simply taken the longer walk to the more distant station.

The establishment took Ben entirely by surprise. One moment, he was walking merrily along, content simply to hold Rey’s hand in his. But then he heard the name _Han Solo_ and everything changed.

Instantly on edge, Ben turned his head to find a garishly flashing sign above the entry to a decrepit building that read “Grand Imperial Museum of Han Solo.” A grubby hawker of some species Ben didn’t recognize stood in their path, shouting at passersby and drawing their attention toward an outdated holograph projector that showed a very poor likeness of Ben’s father.

“Come learn all about the famous smuggler and war criminal Han Solo, born and raised right here on Corellia! Hear about his life of degradation and villainy, and his death at the hands of infamous Force-user Kylo Ren, a last act of righteousness before turning traitor!”

As incensed as he was by the Imperial spin on his father’s life, Ben nevertheless noted with interest that it apparently wasn’t common knowledge that Han Solo had in fact been murdered by his own son. Imagining the glee with which the hawker would shout out that juicy tidbit angered Ben all the more, but he was already diverting both his mind and his path away from the hawker and his disgusting venue when another sound utterly astonished him.

“How dare you!”

Spinning in surprise, Ben was dumbfounded to find Rey stalking angrily toward the hawker, her fists clenched and her face bright red in fury as she shouted at him.

“You have no right to spew such lies—”

“No!” Ben cried, chasing after her and gripping her arm, jerking her back to his side before she could escape his reach. “What the hell are you doing?” he hissed urgently.

“I’m putting a stop to this!” she shouted, her voice ringing out strong and confident, her indignation drawing attention from far too many people for Ben’s comfort.

“That’s absurd!” he gritted out through his teeth, still attempting to pull her away from the hawker who now stared at them with wide, astonished eyes.

“No, _this_ is! And I won’t stand for it!”

With a determination that thoroughly alarmed Ben, Rey threw off his hold on her and lunged in the hawker’s direction. Following suit, Ben managed to catch her again just before her grasping hands reached the stunned man. Ignoring her screaming protests, he lifted her bodily and stalked directly away from the scene of the commotion. Hurrying around a corner and out of sight of any of the numerous curious gazes he could feel following them, Ben hastily erected a Force bubble to isolate them from their surroundings and only then set her down on her feet.

“What has gotten into you?” he shouted at her, the danger her inexplicable outburst could have imposed upon them feeding his anger now.

“He can’t get away with that!” she shouted right back, thankfully not attempting to return to the pathetic excuse for a museum just yet. “Those are people’s _lives_ he’s mucking about with. _Your_ life!”

“He doesn’t care! As far as he knows, I’m dead, and he clearly doesn’t even know Han Solo was my father. And if he did, he’d just be all the happier because it would earn him even _more_ credits!”

“That doesn’t matter—”

“No, you’re right. It doesn’t matter. And neither does his ridiculous little enterprise. So why are we standing here yelling at each other about it?”

“I don’t— I don’t know!” she wailed. “I’m just so _angry_! And I don’t know what to _do_ with it all!”

Seeing the desperation in her eyes, a wild fright where fury had reigned only a moment before, Ben pulled her into his arms, shushing and comforting her, attempting to calm her as her body began to tremble violently.

“Shh, Rey, calm down,” he whispered urgently. “Close your eyes. Slow your breathing. Listen to my voice and shut everything else out. That’s it. Slow. In… Out… Good. Everything’s alright,” he murmured gently, soothingly. “You’re okay.”

He listened to her slow, deliberate breathing for a moment longer then pulled back from her, chancing a look at her face. She was calmer now, but the same fear inhabited her eyes when she opened them to meet his gaze.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Ben,” she whispered in a trembling voice. “I don’t feel like I’m in control of myself. I’ve been feeling this way all day.”

“Wait a minute…”

Not daring to hope but hoping nonetheless, Ben reached inward for the bond that he had come to all but ignore in the past weeks. To his dawning elation, he found that it no longer led to a dead end, but instead connected him to Rey. Her Force signature was weak and distant, but it was definitely there and familiar and everything he’d missed for so many years.

Suddenly overcome by a mixture of strong emotions that he couldn’t possibly contain—relief, excitement, triumph, and above all love—Ben cried out and seized Rey, pulling her body up against his and spinning her around in his inexpressible joy. By the time he released her, the tears that had eluded his self-control spilled from his eyes as he gazed upon her in adoration. She stared back at him in happiness, but also confusion.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured hurriedly, stroking his hand distractedly down her hair then across his face to swipe away his tears. “I’m sorry. I’ve got it under control now.”

“Ben… I’m so confused…”

“Me, Rey,” he choked out, grabbing her hands in his own and holding them tight. “It’s _me_ you’re feeling. It’s our bond.”

Her eyes widened. “You mean… The one that allowed us to communicate across the galaxy? _That_ bond?”

He nodded enthusiastically, pressing her knuckles against his lips as tears jabbed at the back of his eyes again. “You’ve been channeling _my_ emotions all day. It’s why you got so angry just now at the museum. It’s why you knew— Oh, gods…”

Ben cut himself off abruptly, embarrassment flooding his psyche as he understood at last why she had become aware of his private activities in the fresher that morning, despite the precaution of his Force bubble. He watched in mingled fascination and dismay as his own shame registered in her expression, followed hard upon by understanding in her eyes. He dropped her hands as she turned away from him, her cheeks flooding with color.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered again. “I thought I’d done everything I could to—”

“How do I shut it off?” she interrupted him fiercely, heat and determination roaring out from her side of the bond.

Ben staggered back half a step, disappointment subsuming him. Though he realized in afterthought that he should have expected it, her rejection of the bond and everything it stood for hurt him tremendously. Immediately recognizing the novelty of this situation for her, as well as reminding himself of his resolve not to confuse her with the added complexity of distinguishing her thoughts and emotions from his, he swiftly closed the bond, shutting off the connection between them the way he had back during the war when both of them had been fighting what lay between them. He heard Rey breathe a sigh of relief as his rioting emotions eased from her mind and Ben realized he was alone in his misery once again.

“I closed it,” he explained somberly. “As you gain practice with the Force and understanding your own psyche, you’ll be able to do that too. But for now I’ll just keep it closed for you.”

She nodded and Ben could see the gratitude in her eyes, but he was also aware of how much he’d inadvertently burdened her with. As he watched her sloped back turning away from him, he cursed himself for not having realized sooner what was happening and taking steps to make it an easier transition for her. He had stopped checking the bond weeks ago, the habit having become a source of frustration and heartache for him as he continued to find it incomplete. Now, with it reforged but blocked, the sensation of constant negation of what should be the most natural state between them brought back awful memories of how adamantly they had both fought the pull they felt toward one another during the war. This precious bond, a symbol of everything that was beautiful and blessed and right between them, was once again nothing but a nuisance and a distraction to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sigh… Yet again, we have a development that Ben is thrilled with and Rey just isn’t quite so on board. What do you think? Is Rey just being stubborn or does she have legitimate cause for concern?
> 
> And now you know what “NSFW but not what you think” means! (This is not the NSFW you’re looking for…) Did I get your hopes up…? Remember: slow burn. Sloooooooowwwwww… But the NSFW you want is coming up. I promise!
> 
> Up Next: Joy and Sorrow. That one’s a doozy with a major reveal. Buckle in, kids!


	17. Joy and Sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben helps Rey build her lightsaber, and her growing awareness of the Force convinces them to try accessing her memories…with surprising results.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special Note: The title for this chapter is drawn from The Prophet (1923) by Kahlil Gibran, and refers to Ben's challenges in this chapter: “When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”

“No, you’re trying too hard,” he admonished, valiantly attempting to keep the frustration from his voice. “You can’t beat the Force into submission.”

“I’m not doing that!” she countered angrily. “I’m doing exactly what you said. It’s just not working!”

“Don’t think of it as _working_ or _not working_ , but more as… _cooperating_.”

“What the blazes does that even _mean_? _Nothing_ is cooperating! That’s the whole problem!”

“You need to calm down—”

“How can I calm down when I have to _get_ this?”

Rather than answer, Ben bowed his head as Rey forcibly exhaled her frustration.

He should have expected this. She had been quiet, distant ever since leaving the blue sector. Even on the mag-lev, when he had attempted to hold her in their accustomed fashion, she had silently but resolutely moved away from him. Stifling his own hurt, even from himself, he had nodded with a forced smile and turned away to gaze despondently out the window as the city slipped away beneath the train.

Once they reached the warehouse they called home, Rey had immediately unpacked her satchel to spread its contents out on the floor before her, carefully arranging all the parts and tools Ben had acquired on her behalf in a precise grid. She stared at the display for a long time, and Ben knew her mind was churning faster than the mag-lev, sorting through the plans in her head and reconciling her imagination with the physical components before her. For his part, Ben had simply shrunk into the background, ostensibly settling into meditation, but actually just watching her as he licked his wounds.

His heart ached as he looked at her. It wasn’t a matter of having fallen in love with her, because he had never stopped loving her. To him, there was no difference between _his_ Rey and _this_ Rey. He saw and recognized so much in her that, even without her memories of all their shared experiences, there was no discrepancy for him. But for her… She seemed so acutely aware, so damned insistent on the divide between the two Reys, and he couldn’t deny her that.

She may have lived for four years as a prisoner, but she hadn’t _known_ that. To her, it was just her life, sheltered and boring though it may be. Whatever the truth of it had been, he had taken it away from her, taken everything she’d ever known. He was keenly aware that, from her perspective, he had insisted on her being someone and something that was entirely alien to her, that she knew absolutely nothing about. He couldn’t imagine how overwhelming and upsetting that must be, and he’d recognized right away that separating who she was now from who he told her she had been in some nebulous pas was her way of coming to terms with the circumstances in which she found herself. And, if that was what she needed in order to face herself and move forward, so be it.

But this rift between them—drawn by the reemergence of their bond and her first taste of just what that level of intimacy meant—tore at him. With obsessive vigor, he had checked the bond all the way home and all the subsequent afternoon, just to make absolutely certain it was closed as resolutely and as thoroughly as possible. Determined to allow her the sanctuary of her own thoughts and feelings without being burdened by his, that unfortunately left him bearing the heartache of her rejection alone and in silence. And her distant attitude only reinforced his suspicion that he had thrust too much upon her much too soon. Unintentional though it may have been, the result was nevertheless the same, and he couldn’t berate himself long or hard enough for that error, for having neglected to anticipate that her reemerging connection with the Force meant a reemerging connection with him.

While self-chastising thoughts and unresolvable ponderings rioted within Ben’s deceptively calm demeanor, Rey worked silently and diligently on constructing her lightsaber all afternoon. When Ben felt the first twinges of hunger, he ventured out to acquire their evening meal and returned to find Rey still seated in the same spot, surrounded by the same hodgepodge of parts, focused on the same task that had occupied her all day. Rather than disrupt her continuity of thought, he set the food down as near as her carefully arranged assortment of parts would allow, hovering until she managed to glance at him, then the food, and offer a nod of understanding. He had then withdrawn and watched intently until she absently reached out for the crust-encased hand-held meal and took a bite while contemplating the half-built lightsaber with narrowed eyes.

It was shortly after the fading light of day had prompted Ben to switch on the interior lights and shade the windows and forcefield in order to preserve their privacy from outside eyes that Rey had suddenly cursed and set aside her project in frustration.

“This is impossible!” she groaned through gritted teeth from behind hands that clawed impotently at her face.

Having anticipated this outburst for quite some time, Ben eased forward, waiting for her to choose to explain herself rather than asking her to.

“I couldn’t make the connections to the crystal until the casing was in place, but now that the casing is in place, I can’t get to the crystal!”

“That’s one of the reasons,” Ben responded calmly, “why only Force-users make lightsabers.”

Her eyes widened then quickly narrowed in accusation. “Then why did you let me _start_ on this?!”

“Because you can do this. I know you can. You just need to take a minute to learn to levitate and manipulate inanimate objects. I’ll help you.”

And…that had been his mistake. An hour later, Rey was angry and frustrated and still entirely unable to make anything move. He’d explained that the force comes from life, making it necessary for her to manipulate the air _around_ the inorganic mechanical components rather than the components themselves, but she hadn’t been able to do it. Once, he had seen a bit of plastic wiggle, but she found that to be of little achievement when she’d been trying for so long to make it rise. Now, after her latest outburst, she was on the verge of tears when she gazed at him in angry self-recrimination and failure, crying out, “How can I calm down when I have to _get_ this?”

Ben bowed his head, inwardly confirming his growing suspicion that he should not have encouraged her to start thinking about her lightsaber until after she had mastered simple object manipulations. He simply hand’t anticipated that such an elementary task would prove so difficult for her. He had just concluded to add this to the list of the many ways he had already and continued to fail her when Rey spoke again.

“Do you think…?”

Lifting his head, he found her gazing off into the void beside his head, her eyes narrowed and one fingernail hooked on a tooth as she pondered an idea.

“What?” he asked, when she failed to continue the thought on her own.

“That memory I have. The one that was altered?”

Ben frowned. “What about it?”

“The way you saw it in my mind… Can you do that with other things?”

“Other memories?”

“No, not memories. More like…imaginations.”

Ben contemplated this for a moment, then suddenly understood what she was angling toward.

Traditionally, lightsabers were constructed as a test of the understanding students had acquired into the nature of the Force as well, as its application in manipulating physical objects. By that rationale, what Rey was suggesting was an abomination, tantamount to cheating. The Jedi Order, of course, would never approve, so he supposed it was to their advantage that the archaic and faulty organization was now well and truly extinct. And, with that thought, Ben smiled.

“Yes. Just tell me when.”

Rey mirrored his smile, then picked up her unfinished lightsaber with renewed enthusiasm. She stared intently at it for a moment, then murmured, “Okay.” After carefully suppressing the thoughts and emotions that had consumed him all afternoon so that she wouldn’t be burdened by them, Ben opened the bond and reached through it to access the mental image she held for him. His breath hissed in astonishment as he beheld the clarity of the image she’d created, and he sensed more than saw her brilliant grin as she recognized his approval of her efforts.

“This needs to connect here,” Rey explained, the image glowing in succession to indicate the components she meant as she referenced them. “Can you fuse them together?”

Stifling a smug _of course_ , Ben merely nodded as he reached through the Force to do as she directed. First, he isolated the needed components from their surroundings so as to avoid damaging them with the heat the fusion required, only then realizing just how faulty he had been in assigning her this task before she had demonstrated considerably greater prowess with the Force. Ignoring her self-righteous indignation in reaction to his thought, Ben simply completed the fusion then cooled the components before releasing the isolation field.

“How’s that?” he asked.

He watched as Rey focused intently on the cylindrical object in her hand, and Ben suddenly understood she could sense its interior through the Force. His unexpected burst of joy pulled her focus and she looked at him sharply with wide eyes.

“Sorry,” he muttered, working to reign himself in. “I just realized you can perceive the interior of the lightsaber.”

“Yes,” she grit out bitterly. “I wasn’t lying when I told you I could sense the energy in the air. It just won’t _do_ anything for me.”

Feeling the sharp sting of her irritation and annoyance, Ben swiftly shut the bond, abruptly cutting off the flow of emotions between them before she could perceive the profound pain her words and attitude caused him. Even so, the sudden removal of the bond seemed to affect her and she winced before staring at him in shock, but Ben only returned her look with a defiantly empty countenance. She stared at him a moment longer, then dropped her arms in frustration.

“Do you _like_ this?”

Ben cocked his head, not entirely sure what she meant. Her words were argumentative, challenging him to assert his preference for something she found distinctly distasteful, but her tone was inquisitive, seeking understanding rather than accusation.

“Being connected,” she clarified, having perceived his confusion. “Trading emotions, constantly feeling what I’m feeling and knowing I’m feeling what you’re feeling.”

“Yes,” he answered matter-of-factly, uncertain he was entirely successful in obscuring the heartache her words spawned. “It’s one of the things I’ve missed most for the past six years.”

Rey looked away sharply, her jaw bunching as she grit her teeth. Slowly, feeling defeated, Ben bowed his face. They sat like that in silence for agonizing minutes, each absorbed by their own thoughts, until at last Rey sighed heavily.

“I don’t think I can do this.”

“No,” Ben insisted suddenly, refusing to submit to her defeatist attitude. “I can limit how much I open the bond. I can get just the images I need from you and minimize how much access you have to my emotions and I have to yours.”

She looked at him skeptically. “Really?”

“I think so,” he admitted. “It may not be absolutely clean. I mean, a little something here and there might leak through, but it won’t be like it was just now.”

She continued to look at him, and Ben recognized her conflict. She wanted to continue her work. The one collaboration they had completed had worked perfectly, her image communicating what she’d desired so well that he’d been able to complete her task flawlessly. On the other hand, she wanted to have nothing to do with his thoughts and emotions, _especially_ not where she was concerned. That much was apparent, and Ben forced himself to be much more effective this time in disguising the breaking of his heart as he recognized how little she wanted to do with him. If she needed him to muzzle himself, he would. He would do anything she required of him. It had always been that way between them, and that would never change.

To his relief, her enthusiasm for the project won.

“We can try one more,” she conceded.

When she indicated to him that she was ready, Ben very cautiously eased the barrier to their bond open just a crack, carefully reaching through to seize upon the image she held for him, then listened to her explanation. He performed the task, then promptly slipped the barrier shut again and looked at her expectantly. He couldn’t say he had fully prevented any of his emotions from seeping through to her consciousness, but he knew, if anything had escaped, it had been only his strongest emotion. At the moment, that was anxiety that this wouldn’t work and she would refuse to continue, and he consoled himself with the idea that at least _that_ particular emotion wasn’t quite so rife with implications she clearly didn’t want to address.

Ben held his breath as he watched Rey inspect the results of their collaboration. Finally, to his vast relief, she nodded slightly.

“Alright,” Rey finally decreed. “We can keep going.”

Repressing the impulse to grin at her like the besotted fool he was, Ben limited himself to an innocuous nod as Rey began studying the cylinder before her to determine his next set of instructions.

They worked diligently as the light gradually faded from the sky. At first, Rey used Ben’s Force abilities sparingly, alternating each request for assistance with long periods of manual work. As they progressed, however, she began turning to him for help more frequently. Uncertain whether this effect was spawned more by the increasing complexity of the project or Rey’s growing comfort with the process, Ben ultimately decided it didn’t matter. Instead, he just watched her, waiting for her glance or a muttered word to indicate she had prepared another image for him, and in the meantime listening to and feeling the thud of the club downstairs vibrating through the bones of the building. Although he had assumed she was oblivious to this feature of their environment, having become so absorbed in her task at hand, Ben was surprised to find her head bobbing slightly to the beat of that heavy but barely discernible pulse. Ben promptly hid his affectionate smile by rubbing his cheek against his shoulder, concerned that his obvious delight in having noted her awareness of the music might distract her.

Whether it was adjusting the shape of a bit of metal, fusing wires at the pertinent contact points, or just holding some pieces steady while Rey worked with others, Ben was able to flawlessly accomplish whatever she needed. Even when it came to the final assembly—which required the careful coordination of several parts as they moved together in intricate interweavings while simultaneously merging through the fusion of disparate parts into a cohesive whole—Ben was able to follow Rey’s articulate instructions in order to provide precisely the result she needed. And when the finished product at last hovered between them, Ben very gently settled it into her palm and remained silent while Rey gathered her courage to test her new weapon.

Ben could sense her deep satisfaction with the way it felt in her hand, even without the benefit of their bond, and a thrill of anticipation rippled through him as they both stood. Hesitating with her thumb over the activation switch, Ben nodded encouragingly while Rey grit her teeth in anxiety and determination. When she activated the weapon, it responded instantly with a shaft of brilliant white plasma that extended from the hilt. But before Ben could voice his sudden spike of elation, Rey resolutely shook her head and he realized she had only tested half the weapon’s functionality. Holding his own breath this time, he watched as she depressed the switch and, sure enough, a second blade extended opposite the first.

A slight twitching at the corner of her mouth presenting the only betrayal of her triumph, Rey stepped back several paces then slowly began a series of movements, her hands manipulating the extra long hilt of her weapon in familiar, confident patterns that had become nearly second nature in the course of her training. The buzzing, whirling blades zipped and hummed as they swung confidently around her body, slowly at first, then with increasing agility.

Concluding with a twirling motion that caused the two blades to sing in sympathetic vibrations, Rey met Ben’s gaze and gave him a quick nod. Without hesitation, Ben summoned his own lightsaber from where he stood and ignited it in one smooth motion. Watching Rey crouch into a defensive stance, Ben did the same and waited for her to make her move. She did so quickly, and the power of her attack reverberated through the clash of their weapons and into his body as he parried her thrust. With a small smile spreading across her face, Rey backed off then tried a different approach. She did this a few more times until Ben decided to test her with an attack of his own. And when she successfully warded him off, her mouth finally split into a wide grin.

The sparring engaged in earnest now. They attacked and parried, blocked and countered with increasing ferocity, the elation of the experience building inexorably higher and higher as they continued. But Ben soon became aware that he couldn’t tell how much she was engaging with the Force. Her skill in combat was quite decent, especially considering she’d only been training for a few weeks, but it was no more than a non-Force-sensitive pupil could accomplish with enough dedication and time. The sense of preternatural anticipation, the gravity-defying flips and turns, the longevity of endurance… All the things that the Force contributed to its user in the heat of battle were either missing entirely or subdued to the point that Ben wasn’t certain it was even present. The vitality of the bond between them and the clarity of Rey’s sight while working with the lightsaber informed him hat the Force was definitely functioning in her, just not during combat, for some reason.

Quickly devising a test of her access to the Force, Ben lowered and sheathed his weapon, startling Rey by his abrupt disengagement mid-battle. She followed his lead in shutting down her lightsaber, then stood gazing at him in mild consternation.

“I want to see how much the Force is communicating with you,” he explained, earning a furrowed brow since Rey clearly didn’t understand what that meant. “I’m going to hold my lightsaber somewhere within striking distance, and I want you to hit it with yours. But you’re going to do this without benefit of sight or sound.”

“What?” she exclaimed in agitation. “How is that even possible?”

“Through the Force.” When she gave him a sour look, Ben sighed and held his hands open toward her, adding in a beseeching tone, “Just try?”

With a wry twist of her lips, Rey ignited only one of her shimmering blades then gave Ben a curt nod. With great care, Ben produced a sensory-deprivation cloud that coalesced over her eyes and ears. He watched as her body jerked uncomfortably, as she fought the instinct to reach up with her hands and swat the obscuring cloud away from her.

“This is so weird,” she muttered, but without true enmity.

Without bothering to suppress his indulgent smile at her sour attitude this time, Ben ignited his spitting red blade and held it within easy distance of her. Just to test the thoroughness of his cloud, he waved the weapon sharply at her left side, causing the energy to hum with the motion. Rey offered no reaction in the least, and even sighed in annoyance. Clearly not sensing anything, she swung her weapon wildly in entirely the wrong direction. Pursing his lips, Ben resisted the urge to guide her, to tell her to reach out to sense the energy of his blade in order to locate it. Instead, he gave her time to figure it out for herself.

She continued to treat it as a useless exercise, flinging her blade around without much care, but then she hit his entirely by accident and something shifted. After overcoming the surprise of the impact, Rey cocked her head, clearly having sensed something she hadn’t noticed before. Ben observed the tense concentration in her face as she finally started trying to use more than just her physical senses. This time, when she swung her weapon, it was with the obvious intent to find his. And when she failed in her objective, rather than fueling her disdain for the task, it intensified her determination to succeed with the next attempt.

The next time she hit his blade, it was entirely intentional, and she grinned in reaction. Quickly resuming her focus, she swiped again but missed, and viciously spat out her frustration with a curse, having learned she hadn’t deciphered the exercise just yet. But, as it turned out, that was the last time she missed. By the time her fifth swing in a row connected with Ben’s weapon, he decided to test her by shutting it down. As soon as he did, her chin rose, her mouth dropped open, and a grunt of protest escaped her throat. But when he reignited the spitting blade behind her, she spun immediately and hit it with precision.

He continued moving around her, challenging her by placing his blade in awkward positions or forcing her to sense further afield by placing it just beyond her reach. She moved with more precision, more assuredness, her swings coming faster and faster until an onlooker would assume they were genuinely sparring. And when he shut down his weapon for another test, her left hand streaked out immediately and caught his arm, demonstrating that the lightsaber wasn’t the only energy she was sensing now.

Turning her face directly toward his, she smiled broadly. With a wave of his hand, Ben cleared the cloud from her eyes and ears, and he returned her smile.

“You feel it now, don’t you?”

“Yes,” she agreed happily, but her smile quickly began to wane. “But it’s not ready to respond to me.”

Ben frowned, intrigued. “What makes you say that?”

“I don’t know,” she murmured, her gaze drifting toward oblivion as she pondered what she couldn’t fully comprehend. “Just a… _feeling_ I have.”

“Trust that, Rey. Trust those feelings. That’s the Force speaking to you.”

“But… Why won’t it respond to me?”

“I don’t know,” Ben admitted softly. “The Force often has a will of its own. And we can’t always decipher why it functions the way it does.”

She stared at him intently, her deep concern quite obvious.

“On the other hand, maybe the shield on Cholganna did more damage than we thought, and the Force is still working to repair it. Either way, it’s clear we’re heading in the right direction.”

Rey nodded, despite that she was clearly less-than-pleased with this possibility. Sheathing her blade, she turned aside to set the lightsaber among her belongings, then went to stand at the loading door, indulging in the gentle night breeze. Ben joined her there, but was careful not to crowd her. Acknowledging the apprehension he was feeling, he nevertheless forced himself to utter the words he was quite certain she did not want to hear.

“I think we should try accessing your memories again.”

Rey sighed deeply and raised her face to the breeze. Ben watched her, entirely aware of her intense reservations even without the benefit of a Force bond. As he gazed upon the graceful curve of her cheek from his position behind her, he desperately wished she would confide in him.

“Maybe…” he pursued hesitantly. “Maybe that’s what the Force is waiting for.”

She bowed her head at his suggestion, her shoulders slumping with heaviness that he couldn’t quite interpret. Was it sadness? Anxiety? Anger? Everything?

“Why? Why should I bother trying for my memories?”

She spoke so softly that, at first, Ben wasn’t certain he’d heard her right. But once her simultaneously simple and complex question registered in his mind, he was dumbstruck, unable to comprehend why she would need to ask such a question.

“So you can be you again,” he answered finally, his tone conveying his confusion.

He saw her close her eyes and take a deep, careful breath. Motivated by the deep instinct that something was very wrong, Ben was sorely tempted to open the bond in order to find out what, even going so far as to delude himself into thinking she would be grateful for his intrusion. Having resisted this impulse, however, he was surprised when she simply turned to him and replied, “Alright.”

Before he could work through his astonishment, Rey turned and walked calmly toward the mattress, settling herself there comfortably. Even as he frowned in concern at the expression of resignation he witnessed on her face, she fixed him with a sorrowful look that ached in his heart.

“You should come with me.”

“What?” Ben barked in surprise, immediately stammering to cover the gaffe of having sounded appalled by the idea. “Uh, are you sure? I mean… What do you have in mind?”

“Open the bond,” she said with alarming placidity, “and come with me into my mind. You can do that, right?”

“Yes, but…”

At his continued hesitation, she lifted her hand toward him in invitation, and he saw her eyes waver with threatening tears. He was reminded painfully of a moment when he had once gestured to her that way, so long ago in Snoke’s throne room on the Supremacy, and she had rejected him. And he knew he didn’t have it in him to do the same to her, even before she spoke the words that truly disturbed him.

“Please, Ben. You need to see.”

“You already know what’s there, don’t you?” he said in spontaneous insight.

She nodded sadly, both her gaze and her hand falling slowly. Hurrying to her, Ben settled onto the mattress in front of her awkwardly. They both sat with their legs crossed, knees touching and hands clasped between them. Rey gently slid one hand from his grasp to swipe impatiently at the few tears that had managed to mar her cheeks, then grasped his hand again. She met his gaze and he still saw the sadness that both frightened and confused him, but he also saw resolute determination.

“Alright,” she murmured softly, closing her eyes. “I’m ready.”

Ben opened the bond gently while focusing his own thoughts and emotions toward solely his concern for her. But once he caught the thoughts and emotions coming _from_ her, the task of controlling his own was suddenly his least concern.

In the span of a heartbeat, Ben learned she had been using her daily meditation time to try and access her memories over the past few weeks. At first, the hall of closed doors that she had first described to him on Cholganna had remained elusive, hiding in the shadows of her psyche and unwilling to present itself without his Force influence. With perseverance and practice, it had eventually come to her, but the doors had remained resolutely locked against her. Soon enough, she was able to open some doors, though she soon realized they were merely stubbornly closed, rather than locked. It turned out these doors contained memories she already had, though in far greater detail and clarity than could be achieved ordinarily. It wasn’t until a few days ago that Rey had finally managed to pry open just a few of the locked doors…only to find the vast spaces behind them utterly empty.

Daunted by what this meant, both for her and for Ben, she had been dreading the moment when she would have to confront it, though she feared she’d known what this meant right from the start. Once that fear clarified in Ben’s mind, his own anxiety elevated as he realized he shared that fear. But before either of them could get carried away, he forced them both to slow down. After all, she had been entirely right when she said he needed to see.

Having gleaned in an instant all these details and anxieties she had hidden from him for days, Ben swallowed nervously as Rey’s hallway of doors materialized in his mind with utmost clarity. Though neither of their corporeal forms appeared in the hallway, he sensed her there with him immediately, guiding his consciousness as she spoke softly.

“These doors closest here are Corellia,” she explained, and Ben glimpsed familiar scenes of their experiences together during the past couple months when he glanced inside. “And this one is Naboo.”

Despite his better judgment, Ben was intrigued by images he caught behind that door of Rey flying with Poe in his X-Wing, trying on clothes with Rose, and sitting alone on the balcony as the sun set. These were memories to which he had not been privy at their formation, and he couldn’t help but be drawn to them now. Nevertheless, he dutifully backed away, not wanting to invade on her privacy, and he felt her gratitude for that courtesy.

“These are all Cholganna.”

Several doors briefly flared with a gentle glow as Rey spoke, and Ben followed her consciousness as they slowly moved past these doors hanging slightly ajar. He caught glimpses of her garden, the house, the jungle beyond the shield, and even Hux, but he also noticed the overwhelming sense of ennui and isolation that wafted like a stench from beyond those doors. Even more tempted than before to linger there, to gain a more thorough understanding of her time beneath that stifling shield, his focus strayed despite his admonition to the contrary, and he was thereby rewarded with a glimpse of Rey naked in bed with a red-haired bastard. Startled, Ben jerked back from both Rey and the door simultaneously as it swiftly closed against him. Shock and rage flooded his consciousness with alarming speed, followed hard upon by shame and remorse that took him an extra moment to realize was coming from Rey.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized hastily, her eyes pleading with him. “I’m sorry, Ben. I didn’t mean for you to see—”

Slowly and determinedly nudging the anger from his mind, Ben became aware that Rey was weeping freely and clutching desperately at his hands. He forcibly reminded himself of the realities of the circumstances, both now and then, and gently extracted one hand from Rey’s grip in order to cradle her cheek.

“You don’t need to apologize,” he murmured gently, pressing his forehead to hers. “It’s my fault for intruding where I shouldn’t have.”

Still, he couldn’t deny that it hurt. He knew it must have happened, of course, _had_ known it from the moment he first learned she regarded Hux as her husband. He just hadn’t expected ever to actually _see_ it, and he knew that image—burned irrevocably into his mind through only an instantaneous glimpse—would never fully leave him. He would simply have to find a way to live with it, just as he had already found a way to live with the knowledge that Hux had taken advantage of his wife.

“It’s alright, Rey,” he whispered, smoothing the tears from her cheeks as she gazed forlornly into his eyes. “Let’s continue.”

She nodded as he reacquired her hand in his, although he still felt her deep misgivings about voluntarily bringing him back into her mind after that experience. He squeezed her hands reassuringly as he closed his eyes, waiting for her to admit him to her mind once more. When the hallway appeared to him, he found himself exactly where they had left off, confronted by the tightly closed door that he truly wished he had never glimpsed behind. Bracing himself for what other mysteries he might encounter as they progressed, Ben turned his attention further down the hall.

He knew without her narration when they reached the end of the Cholganna doors, because the rest were doused in shadow, their doorways obscured by dark clouds . True to what he’d initially learned from Rey’s consciousness, three doors already lay ajar, though yet shrouded in shadow. He felt Rey’s anxiety both directly through her mind as well as in the trembling of her hands in his as she guided him toward the first door.

“It fought me, getting this far,” Rey explained as they focused on the first door. “I had to insist this door concealed _my_ memories and that it _would_ let me in. Eventually, it seemed to relent.”

“That’s consistent with what I know of blocked memories,” Ben agreed, though he himself had never had to experience such an effort.

“But… Go see what the door was hiding.”

At her urging, Ben turned toward the door and was surprised to find it pushed back at him. The shadow clouding the doorway didn’t want to admit him, and he felt his instinct obediently pulling him away from trying. Stubbornly, he held his ground and pushed again, willing the door to understand that this was Rey’s mind and she had granted him access. Although he felt Rey’s approval of his efforts, the door never yielded and he had to force his way through. Once he was inside, however, he spun in circles, taking in the full sense of where he found himself, frowning in confusion.

It was as Rey had found it: starkly empty.

“I don’t understand,” Ben moaned in frustration. “Why would it be so difficult to access _nothing_?”

Rey remained silent, but he felt her accord with his confusion. Quickly, Ben struck out into every corner of the vast space, managing the feat in the span of only a few heartbeats since they were in the mind’s realm rather than the body’s. He’d hoped to find some shimmer in the Force, some additional block or shroud that concealed the memories within the room, but there was nothing. Even the shadow that clouded the doorway was absent here. Absolutely nothing occupied this space. It was simply awaiting occupation.

Or, Ben thought in sudden dismay, just holding a space against ever being filled again.

Ben felt a sympathetic pulse of anxiety from Rey at that thought, and he realized she had wondered the same thing. Pushing the idea and its dire implications aside for the moment, Ben swiftly left the room behind, feeling the shadow shove him out once he reached the doorway. Fueled by both experience and obstinacy, Ben forced his way through the next shadowed door Rey had already opened, only to find the same result. And the third remained true to the established pattern.

When confronted with the first locked door, Ben hesitated. He knew how to penetrate the shadow, and the lock was no more difficult to thwart than a physical one. But his anxiety was high now, and he needed answers, preferably as quickly as possible. He knew he could smash his way through all of these doors and, were they in _his_ head, he would do so without hesitation. But he also knew the effect could be jarring, and so it had to be Rey’s choice.

“Yes,” she answered without hesitation despite the tremor in her voice. “Do it.”

Generating a corporeal image of himself at the door, he raised his foot and smashed it as hard as he could into the door right by the knob. It flung open with incredible force and a piercing scream suddenly assaulted Ben’s psyche. Startled, his eyes flew open to meet Rey’s and he stared at her in distinct alarm. Somberly, she nodded, confirming the same scream had afflicted her when she’d managed to penetrate the first three doors. Noting the tears that streaked her face and the distress in her eyes, Ben felt a new measure of resolve grip him as he dove back into her mind, bent on finding her memories.

One by one, he smashed through the doors, ignoring the scream every one emitted and barreling his way through the shadow that invariably attempted to block his entrance, only to find every room as desolate as the first. As he progressed, desperation gripped him and, though he knew Rey trembled with every jarring scream, every violent intrusion within her mind, he persisted regardless until at last the possibilities were exhausted. Looking back down the long hallway and the innumerable shadowed doors he had forced his way through, Ben cried out his frustration.

“No!” he shouted, eliciting a sobbing gasp from Rey. “This can’t be it!”

Without thought, Ben viciously swept away the hallway and all its doors. He plunged into Rey’s mind without warning and without permission, his obsessive nature allowing only the awareness that it must be done. Rey— _his_ Rey—hung in the balance, and he would stop at nothing to get her back, _all_ of her. The hallway was a construct of Rey’s consciousness, the instinctive means by which her mind organized itself. In order to make it more manageable for him, though, he swiftly reconfigured it into his preferred construct: a field full of boxes.

He made his way swiftly past the boxes containing her memories from Corellia, Naboo, and Cholganna, and found a familiar shadow shrouding the rest. Dismayed, he realized even the field was affected, the grasses and occasional flowers that dotted the rest of her memory field dead here, dried and decaying into the barren ground. Impatiently, he smashed through the first box. No scream arose since the seal had already been broken in the hallway construct, but no memories flowed out, as he was accustomed to experiencing. With mad tenacity, he swept through the rest of the boxes, smashing each one with no reward, only becoming aware of Rey’s cries as he reached the last few.

“Ben!” she screamed as he mangled yet another box. “Stop!”

Abruptly opening his eyes to find Rey in a horrendous state, Ben realized a compulsion had overtaken him and he had abused her mind as a result. Instantly remorseful and with memories of Kylo Ren assaulting him, he gathered her into his arms, smoothing her hair back and pressing his cheek to her brow.

“I’m sorry, Rey. I’m so sorry.”

And he realized after the words had escaped his throat that he was apologizing not only for the pain he’d caused her in his attack on her mind, but also for his failure in locating her memories. He rocked her tightly, his body swaying with the intensity of what he was feeling, the desperate need to find another solution than the one that was already pressing inexorably at his awareness.

“I don’t understand,” he muttered frantically. “How can they be gone? They’re just _gone_!”

“What does that mean?” Rey asked with timidity in her voice.

Ben released her when he realized she was pushing against him weakly, trying to extricate herself from his hold. When he sat back to look at her, he was suddenly assailed by the impression that he was looking upon a stranger and not his wife at all. Impulsively, he slammed the barrier between them shut, violently cutting off the bond as he moved back from her, tears burning in his eyes.

“She’s gone!” he cried out in misery. “My Rey is gone!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Deep breath* So there’s the first big reveal that we’ve been building toward. And, for those of you who are inclined to hold out hope, I will go ahead and spare you the agony: her memories are truly, indeed, gone, never to return. So what could this mean for our favorite couple? What do you think?
> 
> Incidentally, I realized as I was revising this chapter that I put the lightsabers in chapter 16’s moodboard instead of this one. I suppose that’s what I get for making two moodboards at once. Ugh… I apologize for this error!
> 
> I also apologize for my lack of imagination where Force training and lightsaber building are concerned. Along with military tactics and combat training, these are things that I just have no imagination for and, frankly, little patience. They are integral to the story, yes, and if I were being paid for writing this, I’d make a far more concerted effort to figure out how to address these matters. But, as it is, I’d just rather write about the difficulties (and eventual resolutions) inherent in this fascinating interpersonal relationship. So I hope the lack isn’t too distracting.
> 
> Up Next: Illusion. And that’s all I’m going to say about that!


	18. Illusion

The city was especially beautiful at night. The massive structures of the buildings lit up from the inside like an enormous lantern. The bustle that endured despite the darkened streets. The coolness of the breeze that ruffled through hair and whispered in ears. The sense of rejuvenation that would result with the dawning of a new day. The constant pulse of the muffled music that should be annoying and yet somehow managed to be soothing. Ordinarily, it was Rey’s favorite part of the day, though it didn’t escape her notice that this might be simply because it was the first opportunity she normally had to breathe and notice her surroundings, what with how busy Ben usually kept her. Today, though, she hardly noticed any of it.

She lay sprawled on the floor, her face turned despondently toward the loading door and its invisible forcefield. Having depleted her will to move in the wake of her sustained pacing and worrying, she felt empty, as empty as those rooms in her mind that taunted her, promising that the memories she’d so wanted had truly been real but would never again be hers. The tears that had assaulted her had dried up and she had none left to give. So she simply stared out into the nighttime cityscape she used to love, contemplating her dashed hopes and thwarted dreams.

Rey didn’t know when it had happened precisely, but she no longer questioned Ben’s version of things. She accepted that she had once been his enemy, that they had somehow come to love one another despite this, and that she was supposed to be part of the strange family she met on Naboo. And, somehow, someway, when she wasn’t paying attention, she had come to want that. Very deeply.

And now that opportunity was gone.

She thought of that family she had lost for a second time. Probably merely as a result of having spent the most time with him, she felt closest to Poe. But she also knew that, in her previous life, Finn had been her closest friend. During her abbreviated stay on Naboo, she hadn’t been afforded the opportunity to speak with him much, to get to know him better, and now she didn’t see that she ever would.

Rose was an entirely different sort of loss. Between Hux and Ben, Finn and Poe, it seemed Rey had never had a close female friend. Her one experience with Rose, trying on clothes, had left her with the sense that such a relationship would offer her a very different sort of companionship. She’d wanted more of that.

But the kids… For the longest time, Rey had built up her expectation that having a child would be the answer to all her ills. She knew now how supremely foolish that idea had been and was even grateful that it had never come to fruition, but she’d also come to recognize the potential she had with Declan and Aileen. True, her interactions with Aileen had been tense and less-than-ideal, but she had fallen in love with Declan almost from his first word. It had not escaped her notice how certain she had been in choosing a kyber crystal for him, how clearly her instinct sang when picturing the little boy and seeking the best fit for him. The experience had renewed her interest in learning just what the connection she sensed with him meant, and in tackling the enigma of how to reach his sister. But now… Now she knew it was highly unlikely she would ever see them again, let alone be their mother.

Truth be told, though, none of them were the focus of her thoughts. When she closed her eyes and mourned the life she would never be able to reclaim, the face that haunted her was Ben’s. He had always been so certain of the path they would traverse together, that she would recall for herself all the stories he’d been sharing with her into the darkness of the night, that she would remember the depth of her emotions for him. She had come to rely on that, to take solace in his assuredness when the frustration became too much to bear, desperately wishing she could recall the first time he kissed her, the moment she became his wife, or the first time he held the lives they had created together in his arms. And, in this moment of brutal self-honesty, Rey finally acknowledged that, as much as she _wanted_ them, she didn’t _need_ those memories to know how she felt about Ben…which only left her heart aching in all the more exquisite pain as she pondered the fact that he did not feel the same.

It was precisely this reason why she had avoided telling him the insight she had gained into her own psyche for as long as she did. She’d known for days on end before he’d insisted on trying to attain her memories again that they weren’t there. The hallway of closed doors in her mind, which she had first perceived back on Cholganna, had come into clearer focus over the past few weeks, and she had spent more and more time with her eye turned inward, attempting to discern the secrets it held.

When she’d broken through the first shadowed door, the scream had terrified her away and it had been several days before she’d dared to return and actually venture through that doorway. Both encouraged by the realization that the scream failed to assault her a second time and discouraged by the stark emptiness of the space beyond the first door, she had been more willing to attempt the second door after that. She didn’t know what her plan had been—perhaps to methodically penetrate every door until all the possibilities had been exhausted—but she had known she wasn’t ready to let Ben in on the secret she’d discovered.

She’d sensed right away just how devastated he’d be by the absence of her memories, and she’d guessed what kind of impact that would have on her current relationship with him, and she just hadn’t been willing to risk it…until he’d insisted. She’d realized then just how unfair it was, keeping a suspected truth from him even though she still fervently hoped she was wrong. Now, in the wake of having confirmed her worst suspicion, she wished she’d continued to withhold the truth from him. After all, anything would be better than what she endured now.

Nudging listlessly at the corner of her mind that she had already come to associate so clearly with Ben, she found the familiar presence that he called a Force bond resolutely silent. In their late night conversations, he had repeatedly described this strange connection between them as a thread or cord, a link that connected their minds. Rey didn’t picture it that way, though. To her, it was more like an embrace, being surrounded and enveloped by the feel of _him_ , regardless of whether that was a good thing or a bad thing at any given moment. She had felt it enough times, now, that she could tell the barrier he put up on his end was in place. Even when she tested it by pushing against it with her consciousness, willing his essence to surround and hold her, the bond remained steadfastly unresponsive. Perhaps that was for the best.

He had left the warehouse awhile ago. There had been no explanation, no words at all, not even a glance her way. After declaring the inevitable conclusion in the wake of discovering that she would not be getting her memories back _ever_ , he had sat silently for a time, staring unseeing out at the dark city while his face contorted with every painful expression she’d ever imagined. Eventually, Rey hadn’t been able to stand watching him anymore, feeling responsible for the anguish he was enduring even though she knew it was entirely beyond her control. And it was shortly after she’d turned aside that he had risen silently and walked out through what used to be the bedroom. She didn’t know where he’d gone or when he’d be back.

Or _if_.

With a sudden choking gasp, Rey felt the tears seize her again. Her eyes burned as she flung her arm over her face, wedging her nose into the crook of her elbow, pressing the flesh of her arm into her eyes as the tears nevertheless slipped past unimpeded. She didn’t want to think he would simply abandon her outright, but neither could she deny that he might. After all, the bond between them had been wide open during most of his foray into her head, and she’d therefore been privy to all his thoughts. _All_ of them. She knew he’d been determined to retrieve _his_ Rey by locating the missing memories, and that, after his failure to do so, he no longer recognized her. She hadn’t realized how much he’d come to think of and look upon her as his wife until he suddenly realized he didn’t see her that way anymore. And, with that being his last, harsh thought before he’d ruthlessly slammed the bond closed against her again, it remained especially stark, fresh, and agonizing in her memory.

She wasn’t what he wanted. He’d hoped she would be, _believed_ she would be, but now they both knew that would never happen. He could spend the next year telling her stories of the life they had once led together, even sharing images of moments together from his perspective, but they could never truly replace her memories, the thoughts and reactions and decisions that surrounded every one. And, while Rey would be inclined to argue to what extent a person’s memories fully defined that person, she knew he felt differently. He had invested so much time and emotion into the retrieval of everything she had once been that anything less was unspeakable. He wanted _his_ Rey, not this wholly inadequate surrogate for the woman he loved.

And, damn it all, she loved him enough that she wouldn’t ask him to suffer with anything less than his heart’s true desire.

Gasping with the anguish of the thought that had just rushed through her mind, she shoved it aside, refusing to examine it. It was an admission she wasn’t ready to confront, so she resolutely shoved it out of her consciousness even as she mourned its truth.

When she emerged from her latest self-indulgent crying jag, Rey realized it was very late. Despite her efforts to the contrary, she was worried about Ben. She didn’t know where he’d gone and, while she fretted that he wouldn’t return, she couldn’t truly bring herself to believe that was his intent. She lay there, pitiful and boneless on the floor while her mind raced, wondering where he could have gone, what trouble he might have encountered, and how she might never know what had become of him.

Fortified by this fear, Rey painstakingly peeled herself from the floor, joints aching in protest as she climbed to her feet. Knowing she could never live with herself if she didn’t at least try to locate him, she stepped resolutely toward the bedroom and the exit beyond. It wasn’t until she reached the lift at the end of the dim hallway that she decided on her destination. She would try the club first. If he wasn’t there, she would wander the streets, checking the dining establishments they most frequented, despite that they were sure to be closed at this late hour. She could also check the park where they had spent more than one enjoyable afternoon, though she didn’t relish the notion of having to walk that far since she had no way of paying the mag-lev fare.

Gods of hell, she didn’t even know how to pay a fucking train fare…

Anxiety flooding within her to the point she felt as if she might choke on it, Rey shoved away the abrupt reminder of just how unprepared she was for an independent life. Refocusing her efforts on just locating Ben, Rey stepped into the club through the interior door.

It was a slow night in the club, quite a contrast to the first night she and Ben had found themselves here. It seemed so long ago, a different life, even, and Rey gripped the ornate railing for a moment as she worked to fight back the fresh wave of tears that threatened. The dance floor was barren, and only a few tables surrounding it were occupied. The music was accordingly subdued in both volume and style, and, there, hunched over the bar, was a lone figure that Rey would recognize anywhere. Feeling the effects of overwhelming relief surging through her, she allowed herself another moment of deep breathing to steady her heart rate and reassure herself that the worst of her imaginings had not come to pass. Despite this effort, however, the rubbery quality of her legs as she descended the stairs forced her to anchor herself to the handrail with an iron grip.

Keeping her eyes on Ben as she approached, Rey saw that he was slumped against the bar, practically lying half his body on its surface. His back was angled in such a way that she couldn’t see his face, but it was apparent not only that he was drunk, but that he was _very_ drunk. Knowing exactly what had spurred this binge, Rey halted as the pain knifed at her chest and she breathed carefully against it, seeking to quiet the anguish of her heart. Forcing her eyes open and her legs to move, Rey approached him, all too aware that she was probably the last person he wanted to see right now.

“Ben,” she whispered as she touched his shoulder and circled around him.

He reacted neither to her touch nor her voice, but Rey stifled an anguished moan as she saw the numerous empty glasses before him. They were small, each one capable of holding only a few sips of liquid, but there were _a lot_ of them, every one sitting empty and upside down. His eyes were closed, his face resting on his outstretched arm, his mouth gaping slightly with a small puddle of drool beneath his chin. That he would choose to inebriate himself to this extent and fall asleep perched awkwardly on a stool rather than subject himself to her company hurt deeply. But, yet again, having achieved some measure of skill in repressing unpleasant thoughts just in the last hour or so, she shoved the observation aside and said his name again.

With a snort and a mumble, Ben jerked upright. Blinking blearily, it was a moment or two before he managed to focus his gaze on her, and even so he merely nodded slightly and swallowed laboriously.

“Roy!” he shouted suddenly, leaving Rey startled and confused.

At first thinking he was slurring and mispronouncing her name, Rey finally realized he was addressing the barkeeper when the sophisticated-looking human behind the bar responded to Ben’s call. He nodded when Ben made a beckoning gesture, then deftly retrieved another of the little glasses from beneath the bar and upended a square bottle full of brown liquid over it, heedless when some of the liquid spilled over the rim of the glass to form puddles on the smooth surface of the bar.

“Don’t you think he’s had enough?” Rey asked him tartly, but the man merely shrugged.

“I’m not his mother,” he replied in an accent that sounded not all that dissimilar to Rey’s.

Narrowing her eyes in annoyance, she dismissed him and turned her attention to Ben as he unsteadily reached for the new glass amid its mates. Before he could touch it, though, she gripped his arm and held it in place.

“You don’t need that,” she told him, earning herself a dark glare.

With far more dexterity than she’d thought him capable of at this point, Ben suddenly clapped his hand down on top of Rey’s, gripped her fingers, lifted them off his arm, then slapped her hand down flat to the bar. He left his atop hers, keeping her anchored in place as he snagged the glass with its wobbling liquid surface and threw his head back in such a way that every drop poured down his throat in one gulp. Slamming the glass upside down on the bar, he bared his teeth in a vicious grimace and inhaled sharply while meeting her gaze. Then, lifting his hand off hers with an entirely unnecessary flourish, Ben resumed his previous posture, his chin once again positioned precisely over the puddle of drool.

“You with him?” Roy wondered, clearly chuckling at Ben’s over-the-top antics.

Having entirely forgotten he still lingered nearby, Rey startled at his inquiry. “What? Uh… Yes.”

“Good,” he practically barked. “I was about to call the authorities.”

“What? Why?” she stammered, her heart leaping in fear as she knew the local authority was none other than Imperial stormtroopers.

“It’s closing time. Been trying to get him to leave for the past half hour.”

Rey looked back toward the few people gathered at a couple tables behind them. “Are you calling the authorities on them, too?”

“No,” Roy sneered as he began gathering all the little glasses together. “ _They_ work here.”

“Oh,” Rey answered, not knowing what else to say. “How much has he had to drink?”

He roared in laughter. “Lady… I didn’t think a human body could hold that much whiskey!”

Rey spared him a quick glare then turned her focus on Ben. She murmured his false name, the mention of authorities having reminded her of that protocol, and carefully hooked his hair off his face, pulling it back and smoothing the strands in with the rest of his mane.

“Ghrikk,” she murmured again, stifling the instinctive grimace at having to use the name. “Come on. We need to go.”

Obediently, Ben lifted his head, but his eyes landed first on the barkeeper.

“Roy!” he cried, his voice carrying far too clearly in what Rey suddenly realized was an acoustic void created by the absence of the otherwise ubiquitous music. “This is my—”

Ben paused suddenly, looking with confusion at Rey and blinking in concentrated effort.

“Not-wife,” he finally concluded, turning unsteadily to the barkeeper. “This is _not_ my wife.”

Rey saw that Roy couldn’t care less who she was or wasn’t, but she turned her face downward to hide her hurt from both him and Ben. If she’d needed any further proof where he stood on this matter, that was it.

“But not _not_ my wife, either,” Ben concluded.

“Whatever you say, buddy,” Roy responded in complete apathy while swiping drips of alcohol and Ben’s spit from the bar’s surface. “Time to go.”

“Gimme another,” Ben cajoled, but Roy resolutely shook his head.

“I think your not-wife thinks you’ve had enough. Let’s go. Be a big boy and move out.”

Ben’s only response was to slump back down onto the bar with a _thump_ , his arm catching one of the little glasses and knocking it behind the bar where it shattered spectacularly. At this, Roy fully lost his patience.

“Alright, look,” he said firmly, addressing Rey with intimidating focus. “Either you settle his tab and haul his ass out of here, or I call the troops.”

“Is that really necessary?” Rey asked, attempting to hide the terror that seized her at this threat.

“That’s my usual procedure,” he answered with an indifferent shrug.

“Well, I don’t have any way to pay…”

Roy rolled his eyes. “I can take a finger scan.”

Rey pondered this. It made her nervous, knowing Ben’s identity could be discovered that way, but it somehow seemed a smaller risk in comparison to having Imperial stormtroopers arriving to cart him off to wherever they typically took drunken citizens. Besides, Rey recalled having seen Ben pay for all her lightsaber components by pressing his finger to a small device. Still, she hesitated, looking down at Ben snoring blissfully away and recognizing she wouldn’t have a discreet way of asking him how to manage this matter due to Roy’s proximity…not that he was even coherent enough to guide her anyway.

Despite her lingering misgivings, Rey nodded. When Roy presented her with a version of the device she’d seen several times during their shopping excursions, Rey lifted Ben’s hand and pressed his index finger to the scanning plate. Roy focused on the little screen until he saw the _processed_ message he awaited, then merely nodded at her. Having been cleared, Rey turned her attention toward reviving Ben, knowing full well there was no way she would be able to remove him from the bar without his conscious aid.

“Ghrikk,” she snapped, shoving none-too-gently at Ben’s shoulder, for the first time allowing her annoyance with the situation to seep into her demeanor.

He didn’t respond and Rey wondered if that was largely due to unfamiliarity with his pseudonym, but Roy had evidently decided nothing else in the bar took higher precedence than seeing this couple removed from the premises, so he continued to hover nearby, making her use of Ben’s real name highly unintelligent.

“Ghrikk!” she tried again, with similar results.

“Oh, for the love of…”

Rey watched as the barkeeper, clearly having had enough of this matter, strode down the bar away from them, muttering all the way, then returned with a small device concealed in his hand. Without preamble, he reached out and pressed the device to Ben’s neck, jerking back quickly just in time to avoid being hit in the jaw as Ben suddenly reared upward. Rey shouted, startled, noting the wild look in Ben’s eyes as she attempted to catch his flailing limbs.

“What the hell was that?” she cried.

“Stim shot,” Roy answered with complete apathy. “On the house. It’s mild, but he’ll crash hard. And it’ll only last long enough to get him home, so I suggest you get going.”

Sparing the barkeeper a hostile glance, Rey renewed her efforts at corralling Ben, eventually making it up the stairs, to the lift, down the hall, and into their home. Not entirely able to achieve any other outcome since Ben seemed bent upon it, she allowed him to flop down onto her mattress, content snores arising from him an instant later. She stared at him a moment, then set about removing his boots. Entirely cognizant of the fact that she was condemning herself to a visit from a dream she would rather not experience, she retrieved the bedroll that had been abandoned days ago and positioned it against the back wall.

Taking solace in the fact that her thoughts would prevent her from falling asleep, Rey settled into the insufficient padding of the bedroll against the hard surface of the warehouse floor and fixed her eyes on Ben in his sleep. Her heart ached and her stomach churned as she thought about the inevitability of his choices now. He would leave her. Of that, she was certain. It might not happen right away. He had, after all, promised to provide her with a third alternative to staying with him or going back to Hux—When the hell had Armie become _Hux_ in her thoughts?—and she had every confidence that he would uphold that promise. But why should he choose to keep her around when she no longer presented the chance for his wife’s return?

The depressing thoughts circled endlessly and relentlessly in her mind, leaving no peace in their wake. So it was with considerable surprise that she suddenly opened her eyes, the familiar searing pain deep in her abdomen wrenching a dull whimper from her throat before she was conscious enough to stifle her moans.

Fully awake now, she curled into as tight a ball as she could manage, biting down on a fold of dusty blanket shoved into her mouth as she tried valiantly to keep her agony to herself, to prevent Ben becoming aware of her pain. And, as the pain slowly ebbed, it seemed she was successful, the soft cadence of Ben’s breathing having continued unabated throughout her torment. Even though the intense pain had not managed to wrench tears from her eyes, the heartache of missing Ben’s embrace and the soft-spoken comfort he had once offered while riding out the effects of her non-dream pulled those tears from her and she fell asleep weeping.

If Rey had hoped daylight would bring about any improvement in their strained relationship, she was quickly disabused of that notion. In fact, Ben had been uncommunicative all day, given to long stints of sitting at the loading door and even longer absences from the warehouse. Rey, for her part, had attempted to maintain the same condition of taciturn stillness, but quickly found herself unequal to the task. The silence and coldness of his demeanor had proven too much for her soon after completing her morning meal—which Ben had delivered after an unannounced absence while she was in the fresher—leading her to ask in timid tones if they were going to train today. When her intrusion on his solitude had elicited only a negative shake of his head, Rey quickly decided this answer was wholly unacceptable, so she decided to simply train without him, which he silently observed throughout the rest of the morning.

By early afternoon, she had been thoroughly disheartened by his refusal to even meet her gaze, much less engage her in either conversation or training. And, adding insult to injury, she had emerged from her post-training bathing to find Ben gone again. Having no good alternatives, Rey had first succumbed to a bout of bitter weeping, then settled herself down into meditation, after which she was still alone but a box of food had appeared not far from her right knee, patiently waiting for her. It was then, her foot flexing absently to the beat of the club’s music that had already begun to reverberate through the building as she ate, that Rey had realized Ben must have retreated to the club again, though she couldn’t quite say what gave her so much confidence in the accuracy of that conclusion. And it was shortly after that Rey had stubbornly decided she’d been cooped up quite long enough and went out.

While uneventful, she’d found her excursion to be quite the harrowing experience, her nerves and resultant hyper-vigilance leaving her both frazzled and exhausted. While liberating and exciting to be out and about without Ben’s protective presence, she’d also found it terrifying and so had returned to the warehouse far sooner than she had originally anticipated…only to find Ben still absent.

Now, indulging in a series of stretches and poses designed to calm her mind and body in the wake of her stressful yet boring adventure, Rey found herself desperately hoping that Ben wouldn’t force a repeat of last night’s visit to the club. She couldn’t deny him whatever comfort he might find there, but she also dreaded the idea of confronting Roy again. After bathing for the third time that day merely out of a lack of anything better to do, she lay on the mattress, staring at the ceiling and fruitlessly seeking sleep for what seemed hours, her efforts thwarted by his continued absence. She had just thrown the blankets aside and risen with an irritated _huff_ to commence pacing anxiously when, at last, she heard the latch engage at the door through the bedroom. Imagining she must appear like a mother awaiting a tardy child, she hastily stood beside the mattress with her arms folded, awaiting his long overdue appearance.

It was immediately apparent that he was drunk. If the stumbling wasn’t enough of a clue, the stench that wafted her way when he sighed noisily would have cinched it. He met her gaze, albeit briefly, and Rey hoped it heralded a shift in the status quo. But when he staggered right past her without a word, her fragile hopes were well and truly dashed.

She hated this. Hated what they had become in so short a time. She understood it entirely, couldn’t even begin to imagine just how disappointing yesterday’s discovery must have been for him, but she too felt like she had lost the most important thing in her life. What made it worse was that she couldn’t reveal any of her own anguish. It wasn’t her place to make any of this about her. Her own heartache was incidental. All that mattered was him. And she didn’t have the first idea how to make any of this better.

“Does it help?” she asked on sudden impulse, blurting the words out before she could think better of it.

He turned sharply, throwing himself off balance in the process and nearly tumbling to the floor when he tripped over his own feet. He stared at her, his face drawn, his eyes bleary, sadness suffusing every particle of him, and Rey felt her heart shatter anew.

“Does what help?” he croaked, his voice soft but rough, enunciating carefully.

“The alcohol.”

He turned away then, muttering an affirmative response before seeming to reconsider his answer and amending it to, “For ’while,” then, “A little.” His back toward her now, he half turned to peer at her, then sighed, his shoulders slumping even further when he muttered, “Not really.”

Feeling even worse than before, Rey turned aside, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from weeping for at least the fourth time today. She saw out of the corner of her eye when he attempted to kneel and instead fell on his backside. Even as she hurried to help him, he raised a hand to hold her off and Rey shrunk back awkwardly, folding her arms tight across her chest for lack of anything else to do. He perched in an awkward position and closed his eyes for a moment, leaving Rey to wonder if he was aware he was still swaying slightly. Then he swallowed carefully and looked up at her.

“Won’t go again.”

She shook her head, frowning. “I’m not making any demands on you, Ben. If it helps you—”

“Doesn’t,” he slurred back at her. “’Sides, talkin’ too much.”

“Talking?” she repeated, her mind needing a moment before she could understood what his words meant. Once she had it puzzled out, she stared at him in open alarm.

She assumed he meant Roy, or maybe another barkeeper or perhaps even a patron. Ultimately, it didn’t really matter, but she truly didn’t want to imagine what he might have been talking about in his state of deliberate inebriation. Even more, she worried for both of their safety.

“No,” he clipped sloppily at her, shaking his head briefly before he stopped abruptly and held his hand to his head. “Din’t use m’ name. Or yer name. An’ _did_ use right finger.”

She frowned at him, not having any idea what he was on about, and he gave her a rather pathetic attempt at a reassuring smile.

“As safe t’day as yes’t’day.”

Rey nodded slightly, but Ben didn’t notice, suddenly smiling and laughing softly to himself.

“Roy… So close,” he muttered, incidentally confirming her supposition that he’d been chatting with the same barkeeper again. “So like _Rey_. But…not.” His wandering eyes landed on her and she saw profound angst invade them as he added, “Jus’ like you.”

She knew instantly what he meant. She, so close to being like _his_ Rey, but not. And it hurt. It hurt fiercely and she had to turn away from him in order to preserve her own dignity. Despite his intoxication, though, he seemed to realize what had just happened and he spoke her name in a tone of remorese. But Rey just shook her head and waved her hand back at him, not really having any further interest in this pathetic excuse for a conversation with him. She resolutely made her way to the mattress and settled herself beneath the covers, curling up with her back toward him.

“Rey… D’ya want me…”

She turned sharply, an angry retort hot on her tongue, when she saw him gesturing helplessly at the mattress and she realized what he meant before he found the words.

“Sleep there?”

“No,” she stated flatly, perhaps a bit harsher than she should have since she was still stinging from his jibe about her not being _his_ Rey.

His eyes cast downward with her answer, and she couldn’t escape the sensation that he was disappointed, perhaps even resigned to her answer. She couldn’t deal with it, though, so she just turned away, curled back up into a ball, closed her eyes, and cried herself to sleep as quietly as she possibly could.

The first thing to catch her awareness when next she regained consciousness was the solid and comforting sensation of being in Ben’s arms. And then, an instant later, the pain struck her. Crying out and dragging her legs to her chest against the searing agony in her abdomen, she also felt Ben holding her tighter, and she had the insane thought that he had known the pain was coming before she did.

Now, with consciousness, agonizing though it was, she realized the dream she couldn’t recall had come upon her. And she knew from experience that there was nothing to do but ride out the misery until it subsided. In the meantime, she clung to Ben, weeping and wailing into the strength of his arms as he held her close, burying his face in her neck and whispering trembling words to her. It wasn’t until the pain eventually eased that she even realized what he was saying.

“I’m sorry, Rey. I’m so sorry…”

She remained frozen in his embrace, blinking against the lingering pain that was just receding into manageable territory, listening to the agony in his voice until she couldn’t handle it anymore.

“Ben,” she murmured, shifting and squirming in his arms until he loosened his hold enough so she could turn to face him.

He met her gaze and he looked absolutely wretched. His eyes were shot through with red, swollen and moist with the tears that yet spilled from their corners. His expression was one of harsh desperation as he continued to plead for her forgiveness. Even without knowing just what precisely he thought warranted such remorse, Rey felt her heart aching for him. Wrenching herself further out of his embrace, she brought her hands up and framed his face between her palms, seeking to bring his wild gaze solidly into hers.

“Ben. Ben, look at me.”

Finally, he managed to lock onto her gaze, but that only seemed to reignite his tears. He shook his head against her hold as he began muttering anew.

“I’m so sorry, Rey. You don’t deserve any of this. You can never even understand why he’s out for you, and it’s all my fault.”

“What?” she insisted, trying desperately to follow his frantic logic. “Do you mean Hux?”

“I should have left you where you were,” he moaned rather than answer. “You were happier there than I could ever make you and I just tore you away from your home. I wish I’d never found you.”

“Ben, stop,” Rey spat softly, tears burning her eyes with intense fire now, hearing him utter the truth she’d dreaded all along. “If you’d never found me, then you would never know what had happened.”

“It doesn’t matter. She was gone. She’s been gone all this time. I was just too stubborn to accept it. I should have paid more attention to Declan and Aileen, to what I _had_ , instead of what I didn’t. But I couldn’t give up. I couldn’t let go…”

His throat convulsed, cutting off his words, and his face wrenched in horrendous emotional agony as he wept bitterly. His face bowed lower and he reached out to clasp her tight, wrapping his arms around her back as his face burrowed at her waist. Rey placed her hands on his back and hunched over him in as close an approximation of an embrace as she could manage at this awkward angle, and she wept right along with him.

“I never even got to say goodbye,” he moaned in a broken, cracked voice.

He wept for awhile longer and, slowly, unevenly, he began to calm. Eventually, his grip around her eased and he pushed himself back to sitting with a mumbled apology. Rey shook her head dismissively, swiping tears from her face, but Ben shook his and gripped her hand.

“No, Rey,” he stated, his voice insistent but still shaky as he pulled her eyes to meet his. “I mean it. I’m sorry.”

“Ben, don’t. I’m not sorry you found me. I’m not sorry you dragged me away. It might have been my home, but I was never going to be happy there and I’d only just started to realize that. If you hadn’t come along, I don’t think I ever would have known anything else, what life could be, what the galaxy could be…what _I_ could be.”

She shook her head, feeling so much more than she could possibly express. He watched her closely, waiting, his tears halted for the time being while hers flowed freely.

“Please don’t, Ben. Please don’t apologize for something I’m so grateful for.”

He stared intently into her eyes for a moment longer, his own eyes deep and enigmatic. She had just begun to wonder what he was thinking, to worry she’d gone too far, when he turned abruptly aside.

“Ben,” she objected quickly, catching his shoulder and gripping it tighter when he didn’t come back to her right away. “Ben, I know you’re hurting. Please tell me how I can help you. Please…”

He remained frozen, his face in profile. She saw his jaw bunch as he clamped down on his teeth. His throat bobbed and worked convulsively as he worked to contain what he was feeling. And his eyes slid shut as his face bowed deeper in despair. When he spoke, his words were soft, barely audible, his voice dry and broken, stumbling over the emotions choking him.

“I just don’t know what to do without her.”

With this most recent evidence that he truly did see her and his wife as two separate people, Rey couldn’t stifle the gasp that seized its way into her chest as fresh tears assaulted her. She bit down hard after that, though, trying valiantly to keep her private misery private. But she thought she heard a small whimper escape her throat as she locked the words there that sprang to life in her mind with the vengeance of a new star.

_I don’t know what to do without_ you.

She wouldn’t do that to him. It wasn’t fair. She wouldn’t subject him to that measure of guilt and manipulation. No matter what she felt, it wasn’t worth the cost to him. It just wasn’t. But when he lifted his face, turned just enough to peer intently at her, another little pathetic sob escaped her throat. And, before she knew anything else, his mouth was on hers.

She gasped in shock at the unexpected kiss, but she also dove in without reservation just as quickly. She pushed up against him as inexorably as he did until they were both on their knees, kissing and clinging as desperately as though their lives depended on devouring one another. Feeling his strong hand cradling her head as his mouth slanted repeatedly over her, his tongue thrusting deeply and possessively inside… It was all such a fulfillment of everything she wanted and needed that she couldn’t help but coast along with the wild wave of passion that suddenly engulfed them both. It was heady, it was intoxicating, it was absorbing and liberating all at once. And then, just as suddenly, he was shoving her away with a shouted _No!_

Rey fell back in shame, staring at him with wide eyes as he attacked the mattress fiercely with his fist.

“No!” he shouted again. "No, I won’t do that to you!”

She knew instinctively what he meant. He refused to use her, to allow himself to ignore the inconvenient fact that this woman who looked, sounded, smelled, and felt like his wife wasn’t her. He wouldn’t take advantage of her like that.

Oh, but she so desperately _wanted_ him to.

Rey sat there, perched awkwardly on one hip with a supporting hand thrust behind her, balancing her upper body while her other fist pressed firmly at her mouth as she stared at Ben. He’d stopped pummeling the mattress, but he lay hunched there on his knees, his back heaving with the strength of his breaths as he attempted valiantly to calm himself and his urges. And impulsively, before her mind could think better of it, she crawled to him and settled her hands on his back. When her gesture elicited no further response that a sudden stilling of the breath in his body, she lay her cheek there too, the fingers of one hand venturing up to tangle gently in the lengths of his hair.

“Let me help you, Ben,” she murmured, daring to brush her lips ever so subtly against the broad expanse of his back. “Pretend I’m her. Just this once.”

He jerked then, throwing Rey off him and rising swiftly to stare at her.

“No,” he choked, but Rey could also see the temptation swirling behind his eyes. “No, I can’t ask that of you.”

“You’re not asking,” she insisted softly. “I’m offering.”

His eyes closed and his throat bobbed as he swallowed. Rey bowed her face, nearly ready to give up on this ill-advised impulse.

“Is it really so hard, Ben?” she heard herself ask without having truly meant to, the tears pressing insistently deep in her throat again. “Is it so hard to _pretend_ I’m what you want?”

A low groan escaped his control, and the sound eased in some small measure the ache Rey’s words had pierced into her own heart. Slowly, giving him every opportunity to shove her away, she moved forward on her knees, interleaving her own around his in order to move closer. Dipping her head forward, she nosed gently at his jaw, coaxing him to turn his face aside to give her better access to his neck. She nuzzled him there, smelling him and finding the line of his scar with her lips. She felt him stiffen beneath her but, still, he didn’t object or push her away. Neither did he do anything in the slightest to encourage her. Despairing that she was simply making a fool of herself, Rey slumped a little against him.

“Please, Ben,” she whispered. “Let me help you say goodbye.”

With her cheek at his chest, she both felt and heard the otherwise silent sob work its way through his body and then, slowly, inexorably, his arms encircled her. He held her loosely, timidly, awkwardly. Yet again, she didn’t know what to do. But he surprised her suddenly by speaking.

“I should have been there,” he groaned as his face bowed down toward her hair. “I should never have let you go off to Coruscant alone.”

Rey’s eyes filled with tears as she realized he was speaking to _his_ Rey, the Rey she _used_ to be. And she swiftly drew upon all the stories and anecdotes he’d shared with her every night throughout their stay on Corellia to provide him the answers he needed, the ones she instinctively knew she would have given him had the memories truly been her own.

“You know I didn’t give you a choice,” she murmured gently. “And who’s to say you wouldn’t have just been taken along with me?”

He sobbed, louder this time, and she felt his arms tighten around her, his face nodding into her hair.

“I never stopped searching,” he assured her. “I never would have.”

“I know.”

“Oh, Rey,” he moaned suddenly, pulling her tight against him as he abruptly gave into the illusion she provided. “You missed so much… I hate that you’ve missed out on so much time with Declan and Aileen.”

Weeping now right along with him, Rey choked out, “You’re an incredible father, Ben. Everything we always said we would be for our children. Everything we didn’t have for ourselves.”

“No. I’ve been too focused on finding you. I’ve been away too much.”

“But when you’re home, you’re _there_ with them. Every time. They have no doubt how much you love them, and they know why you’re so often away. You _know_ this, Ben.”

“They saved me. Finn and Poe and Rose, too, but I couldn’t have pulled through without you if it hadn’t been for Declan and Aileen. I always told myself that, by taking care of them, I was honoring you.”

Lifting her face to his, tears streaming from both their eyes alike, Rey cradled Ben’s face in her hand and nodded insistently to him. “You did, Ben. You kept me alive in your heart and in theirs. Every day. That’s all I could ask.”

“Rey…” Quickly seizing her hand from his jaw, he gripped it in both of his and pressed her knuckles to his lips, clinging to her desperately. “Rey, I’ve missed you so much.”

“I know, my love.”

“How am I supposed to go on without you?”

“One day at a time, Ben,” she whispered. “One step at a time. Keep moving. Keep going. Never give up. Can you do that, Ben?”

He shook his head, bowing low once again. “I don’t want to without you.”

“You don’t get that choice,” she admonished him sharply despite the haze of tears that clouded her sight. “You have to get back to Declan and Aileen. They need you.”

He nodded slightly, but remained silent. Sensing an easing in the torment of his psyche, Rey nodded too, but then the silence lengthened awkwardly between them. After a moment, Ben maneuvered himself into a more comfortable sitting position then reached for her. She moved willingly into the enclosure of his arms, sitting with her shoulder against his chest as his arms wrapped around her and held her close. He pressed his cheek against her forehead as his thumb caressed her face, tenderly tracing the line of her cheekbone. He turned slightly and pressed a tender kiss against her hairline, and she smiled, snuggling herself closer into his embrace. When he leaned back to look at her, she lifted her face to his gaze, comfortable and content within his arms.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered looking down into her eyes as his thumb continued to stroke her skin.

Rey smiled a little. “Did you always think so? Even when I called you a monster?”

“Especially then,” he answered with a little self-deprecating smile.

“I don’t know how I could have ever seen you as a monster,” she murmured, shaking her head in awe.

One shoulder lifted slightly in the semblance of a shrug. “I _was_ one.”

“Not to me, you weren’t. You never were to me.”

He blinked and Rey realized she was going outside the realm of the things he’d told her in their conversations into the night. Regardless, her instinct informed her what she’d said was right, and she was quickly learning to trust her instincts, just like he’d instructed. And so, when it whispered in her ear again, she dutifully repeated its revelations.

“I only saw what others had predisposed me to see. Once I learned to see you with my own eyes, I knew there was no monster in you. Not for me. And then all I ever wanted was to see you smile.”

And he smiled, pulling her hands up to press a kiss to her fingers once again. And, there, as he searched her eyes over the knot of their hands, his breath feathering the tiny hairs on her fingers, he said what Rey had truly never expected to hear him say.

“I love you, Rey.”

Her heart contracted, over and over, and she swallowed anxiously, the illusion having been broken by his confession, at least for her. Suddenly, she was painfully aware he was saying that to his lost wife, not to her, and she couldn’t bear to say the words back. She felt panic rising, realizing she was destroying the fantasy she had built for him, one that genuinely seemed to be helping him considering that his tears had dried at last. But she just couldn’t bring herself to utter those words, the ones that had been buried in her heart for days and that would remain there for all time.

Rather than answer, she slowly raised her face closer to his, guardedly watching for any sign this wasn’t what he wanted. Receiving none, she focused on his lips as she cradled his jaw in her palm and dared what she’d often imagined but never thought she’d actually do. When her thumb touched his lower lip, she felt more than heard him inhale, and her eyes lifted to his. Finding nothing there but a mirror of her own restrained desire, she reached forward and pressed her lips to his.

 

WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT AHEAD (Resume reading at “You didn’t need to do that” near the end of the chapter to skip this scene.)

 

He responded to the kiss tentatively at first. His soft, generous lips met hers in a tender series of kisses, very different from the unrestrained fervor that had gripped them only moments ago. And when she felt his tongue begging entrance at her lips, she granted him only a modicum of access. The resulting kiss was shallow, gentle, beautiful, and Rey felt as though she could linger there for hours.

But then a low growl emanated from Ben’s throat, and the kiss shifted, a little deeper and a little more insistent. Rey felt the heat of the contact between them coursing through her body, igniting sensations she’d never suspected herself capable of. And when the realization that she was in _Ben’s_ arms, kissing _Ben_ , this man who had given up so much for her, even more than she would ever fully know, and who she now suddenly and openly acknowledged she had long craved deep in the core of her being… A whimper of disbelief commingled with need escaped her as she clung desperately to him, and that sound seemed to unlock the floodgates as he suddenly crushed her to him, his mouth claiming her just like she wanted to be claimed.

The fervor was back with a vengeance, and Rey gasped in breathless desire as Ben’s lips trailed wet kisses along her throat. Her hands, independent of her addled mind’s direction, began pulling at his tunic, craving the sensation of his bare skin against her fingers. At the same time, Ben yanked her collar aside, exposing the apex of her shoulder and descending to kiss and devour her there thoroughly. When his teeth sunk into her flesh, she cried out, arching her back against him and gripping the fabric of his clothing in her fists. One leg flung out to hook over his hip, and she buried her face into his neck, kissing and nipping at the space below his ear as she fought to find ways to get closer to him.

Suddenly frustrated by the presence of the tunic that hid him from view, she began tugging at it even as his hungry mouth claimed hers again, plundering her with his tongue as his moans multiplied. She tore her mouth away from his abruptly, pulling insistently at the offending fabric and grunting, “Off!” at him.

His eyes blazing with hot desire, he fixed her with a carnal stare as he moved back just enough to impatiently fling the tunic over his head and off into the shadows of the warehouse. Rey wasted no time in mirroring his gesture and, soon enough, they were back in each other’s ravenous embrace, flesh-to-flesh. Ben swiftly ducked his head down and drew Rey’s nipple into his mouth, causing her to arch against him and plunge her hands into the silky lengths of his hair as she held him against her, feeling the vibration of his deep, feral moans as he suckled at her, a hand gripping the other breast and tweaking at her nipple.

Crying out at the glorious sensation, Rey abruptly realized that she had never desired Hux this way, never felt the heavy keening at the juncture of her thighs that yearned for more… _more_. With the unwanted thought shoved aside, the impatience it engendered remained, and Rey quickly began working at the drawstring of her sleep pants even while she continued to kiss Ben desperately. Once he became aware of what she was doing, however, he broke off the kiss and shook his head at her, his eyes dark and heavy with lust.

“Let me,” he growled, already swatting her hands aside.

As gently as he could, given the screaming heat that must surely be raging through his body as desperately as it was hers, he pushed at her until she lay sprawled on her back. Ben climbed over her, taking a moment to drink in the sight of her half-naked body spread before him, then ducked his head down with a deep groan to plant kisses on her breasts that quickly trailed down to her stomach.

Rey closed her eyes, focusing on the sensation of Ben’s lips while her hands tangled in his hair. She gasped when she felt his hands slide down inside the thin barrier of her pants, then glide around her hips to clutch at her ass. Eager and shameless, she opened her thighs to him and angled her hips up toward him, crying out in surprise and wanton delight when his mouth pressed to the juncture of her thighs. He licked and mouthed her, even while her pants and undergarment yet blocked his path, and Rey writhed and whined with desperate need.

“Ben…” she moaned, hardly knowing exactly what she was doing.

She lifted her hips cooperatively when she felt his palms nudging her, and he rewarded her by drawing his hands down her legs, pulling her pants along with them. Her undergarment quickly followed suit, and Rey had no time to feel self-conscious about lying fully naked beneath him before he swiftly returned to his place between her thighs. She cried out again as his tongue parted her folds, soon finding the tight bud that caused her body to convulse in exquisite pleasure. A drawn-out moan escaped her throat as she felt him probe her entrance with his fingers, spreading the evidence of her lustful desire for him, preparing her for what was to come. When the first hints of her climax came hurtling toward her, Rey yelped and pushed Ben away from her, scrambling back and closing her legs tight.

“Not without you,” she gasped quickly, lest he think she was outright rejecting him.

When he stared at her without moving for a moment, Rey launched herself toward him, kissing him and savoring the taste of herself on his lips and tongue, at the same time that she began working at his pants. Soon enough, the garment was loose enough for her to slide over his hips, allowing her to grab first the magnificence of his ass, then the stiffened cock that weeped for her. He groaned loud and full into her mouth at the sensation of his erection in her hand and she swiftly pushed him away, leaning forward to take his impressive girth into her mouth. She kissed, worked, and suckled him as he moaned loudly, her name emerging from his lips on a long breath. Her hands roaming his ass and thighs while her lips and tongue explored the length of his phallus, she felt when the steady tensing and flexing of his muscles became erratic. And, just like she had, he insistently moved her away from him before he could lose control entirely.

She moved easily enough, her mouth making a sharp _pop_ as it slipped off his cock, but she also seized his arms when she rolled onto her back, pulling him with her. He complied and, soon enough, he was suspended over her, his erection poised exactly where she wanted it to be, and she keened in a small voice, whimpering desperately for the fulfillment he promised. But, instead, he paused.

“Shh, Rey,” he murmured.

His voice was soothing, as was the trembling hand that stroked the hair at her temple. Despite his face being close to hers, it took several heaving breaths before she could focus enough on him to make sense of what he was saying.

“Slow down a little,” he breathed, his head dropping down to her shoulder, his breath coming in long, heavy drags.

“What?” she blurted, panic rising. “What’s wrong?”

His head lifted quickly and he smiled gently into her face, taking a moment to place a small kiss on the tip of her nose. “Nothing’s wrong, sweetheart. I just…don’t want to rush through it.” He closed his eyes briefly and drew in a long, trembling breath. “I want to savor you.”

Rey’s heart lurched in her chest and tears sprang to her eyes. Snaking her arms under his, she cradled his face in her hands and smiled affectionately at him, despite the tear streaking from one eye. She leaned up and kissed him, taking the time to, as he said, savor the experience. When she finished, they smiled at each other like besotted fools until Rey squirmed a little, the brush of her pelvis against his erection abruptly reminding him of the task at hand.

Stroking the side of her face in his massive palm once more time, he looked down at her with utmost tenderness. “Are you ready?”

She stifled a giggle at the anxiety in his eyes and reached up to kiss his jaw. “Yes, Ben.”

With a slight nod, he aligned his erection at her weeping folds and pushed inside her just a bit. Rey moaned lustily and arched against him, her head rolling back and her eyes closing, but he admonished her quickly.

“Look at me, Rey,” he commanded, his voice strained beyond what she’d ever heard from him.

She obeyed readily, and was rewarded with another push, his cock working its way further inside her. She watched him openly, allowing him to witness the pleasure his intrusion gave her, but he didn’t smile, his demeanor remaining fixed, stern almost, as he concentrated on controlling himself and observing her.

Before he had even fully penetrated her, Rey suddenly realized something was missing, something that prevented the illusion she’d created for him from being complete. And, in the haze of her deepening pleasure, she had little presence of mind to perceive why in all the galaxies she should even entertain the notion of denying him this. And so, as he pressed even further into her, Rey met his gaze.

“Open up for me, Ben.”

He froze, frowning, confused.

“The bond,” she clarified succinctly. “Open it.”

He swallowed anxiously. “Are you sure?”

And, with that question, she knew at least some part of him was well aware of the deception in which they both engaged. He wasn’t asking _his_ Rey if she truly wanted the bond between them open, because of course she would. He was asking _her_. There had been very few occasions for them to share the bond and, in all of them, Rey’s reception had been less than warm. But she was all too aware that now, tonight, might be all they ever had. She didn’t want to think about what the morning might bring, but she knew what she wanted in this instant.

“I want all of you, Ben. And I want you to have all of me.”

He hesitated a moment longer and nothing seemed to happen. Then, all at once, Ben drove himself inside her to the hilt, bottoming out against her hips, and Rey was suddenly filled with light, sound, color, sensation such as she had never before imagined. She cried out in pleasure and wonder, feeling not only the sensation of being penetrated, but also of penetrating. Her pleasure and his folded one into the other until there was no difference between them. She clawed at him, wanting more, and she felt his mind respond to her silent demand an instant before his body did.

He moved within her steadily at first, but the give and take of their overwhelming emotions and sensations as they flowed in and out of one another without ebbing soon drove them both into a frenzied need. Each of them freely giving voice to their pleasure, they rocked, licked, thrust, kissed, and rolled in perfect harmony. And when an orgasm came rushing toward her, Rey couldn’t tell until she cried his name out whether it was hers or his. In the end, it didn’t matter, though, because the tightening of her core around him and the wailing of his name on her lips drove him over the edge and he cried out his own release in a guttural groan that may have included some profanity.

Spent both physically and emotionally, Ben collapsed on top of her. Even before Rey completely formed the thought that his massive form was crushing her, she felt a wave of remorse and he immediately rolled onto his back, dragging her onto his chest as he held her close and continued to regain his breath. She was happy to lay at his side, one leg hooked intimately over his, listening to his heartbeat slow under the dead weight of her upper body. She felt deeply satiated, pleasurably exhausted, awe-filled, and intensely in _love_ , so much love that she wanted to weep and dance at the same time. And, for the moment, it was neither discernible nor pertinent whether each of those emotions were hers or his.

“You didn’t need to do that, you know.”

His words were gentle, soothing, tempered by the awareness that he was nevertheless quite grateful she had. When it occurred to her to wonder whether he meant opening the bond or taking on the persona of his lost wife, Rey quickly shoved the idea aside, deciding it didn’t matter. The answer, after all, was the same.

“I wanted to.”

Despite her words, though, she felt a glimmer of regret and she swiftly rose to perch on her elbow.

“Don’t do that,” she admonished him, her irritation equally evident in her voice, her face, and—she assumed—her psyche. “Don’t ruin this.”

He nodded, but she nevertheless felt a keen sense of remorse that quickly fed into her own insecurities and left her with her heavy with doubts. And, no sooner had she thought perhaps the bond had served its purpose for tonight than Ben promptly murmured, “I agree,” and carefully closed it. Grateful to be in control of her own emotions once more, she leaned forward and kissed Ben thoroughly. Once she was assured of his enthusiasm by the way his mouth melded to hers and how his hands clung to keep her close, she leaned back to regard him.

“I know you can’t always control everything you feel, but do you truly regret this?”

An expression of such tender, caring, attentive devotion came over his face as he reached forward to cradle her jaw in his hands. Studying every feature of her countenance, he drew her to him and kissed her gently on her forehead, at the corner of each eye, on her nose, at the space just in front of her ear, on her jaw, and at last on her lips. The last kiss lingered, his tongue sneaking forward to steal a taste of her lips but only for an instant before retreating.

“No, Rey,” he murmured, his voice low, smooth, and infinitely endearing. “I don’t regret this in the least.”

Reassured, she lowered her head, settling herself into the crook of his arm, resting her face and one hand on his smooth chest. She smiled and very nearly purred when his hand began to gently stroke as much of her arm and back as he could reach, and she nestled herself in closer to his hip, not caring in the least that her sex was pressed most intimately against him. When the first tremors of cold assaulted her, she felt the gentle brush first of the Force then the blanket as he manipulated its way on top of them both. And, though she locked the words away from her throat, she fell asleep thinking in a most contented litany…

_I love you, Ben_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The longest chapter yet! Over 10k words! What do you all think? Have I redeemed myself for “Joy and Sorrow”? 
> 
> In case you caught it, yes, that is Tom Ellis from “Lucifer” in this chapter’s moodboard as Roy the barkeeper. He’s a beautiful man, so I figured he deserved a spot here!
> 
> I apologize for the mid-text warning. I didn’t want to put it at the top and give away where this chapter was heading, but I also didn’t want to leave the warning out entirely, so… This seemed the best option. I hope it wasn’t too terribly disruptive to your reading!
> 
> Next Up: Dark Rage. Doesn’t that sound fun?!
> 
> PS - Have I told you all how much I value you sharing this story journey with me?!?!?!?!


	19. Dark Rage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Escape from Corellia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: INTENSE VIOLENCE AND GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS AHEAD

Rey’s eyes snapped open and she stared into the darkness of the warehouse, wondering what had awoken her. Soon enough, though, other realities that greeted her usurped her attention and she forgot all about it. After all, how could she be bothered to care about lost dreams or phantom sounds when she was naked in Ben’s arms?

Feeling her heartbeat accelerate and a warm flush spread throughout her body, Rey snuggled herself with utmost contentment into him. She lay on her side, tucked securely into the curve of his body, one arm lying heavily on her side as it held her close. His steady breath feathered her hair slightly, occasionally reaching the outer shell of her ear or even the length of her neck. She closed her eyes in exquisite serenity, recalling the night’s activities and feeling the bliss of having shared all of herself with all of him.

Until, that was, she recalled how said activities had come about.

The guilt that assailed her was slow, ponderous, lethargic, but it was also onerous. In due course, Rey was no longer able to savor her position in Ben’s arms and she delicately extricated herself from his embrace. Kneeling next to him, she studied his sleeping face, so peaceful and free from concern in the depths of his sleep. She longed to touch him, to wake him with kisses and bury her conscience in the pleasure she knew he could give her. But, with tears threatening and contrition looming, she didn’t dare to do any of those things.

Reaching absently for the nearest garment, Rey rose stealthily and pulled the tunic over her head as she padded silently toward the bedroom and the fresher beyond. When it fell nearly to her knees, she realized it was Ben’s and she gathered the material in a bunch to her face, deeply inhaling the scent of him. Opening her eyes, memories of last night once again swimming in her imagination, she caught sight of herself in the mirror, her eyes peering out over the haphazard knot of black fabric obscuring the lower half of her face. With a fresh wave of guilt assailing her and bringing the hot sting of tears along with it, Rey dropped the fabric and stared at her reflection accusingly.

_You know the truth_ , she sneered at herself. _Admit it_.

“I love him,” she whispered disconsolately, somehow feeling she must hear herself speak the words before she could be worthy of any possible penance.

_And_? she challenged herself.

“I used the excuse of his lost wife to sleep with him.”

_And?_

“The truth is, I never want to be without him.”

_But?_

Rey hung her head low between her shoulders, her arms braced against the counter.

“I can’t be what he wants _,_ ” she breathed, her voice already choking with the force of her tears.

Nearly the entire time she had known him, his focus had always been on reclaiming his wife. Despite her early efforts to the contrary, his faith and devotion to his belief that she embodied that goal had infiltrated her being so thoroughly, it had become her own goal as well. She had been anxious enough, knowing before he did that the memories upon which everything depended were missing, but when he’d confirmed her deepest fear that they could not be retrieved, it had been a dire blow to both of them.

She hadn’t initially intended to sleep with him, although, as she caught her reflection raising a single eyebrow at herself, she realized she had to revise that claim. Sex hadn’t been her _primary_ motivation for making the suggestion she had. Above all, she’d wanted to provide him some means of comfort, of releasing the emotions that were clearly decimating him from the inside out. But, of course, when comfort had turned to kisses and those kisses had turned carnal, she was more than willing to follow where that path led.

Even now, she knew, for her, it hadn’t been a lie. Everything she’d done and felt had been wholly honest. She supposed, in some way, that was probably true for him too, except that they both knew he was connecting with a woman who didn’t exist anymore. And, oh stars, how dearly Rey wished she could. What she wouldn’t give to claim that lost Jedi’s life as her own, to embrace Ben and his children as her own, to claim his friends as hers, to know that she belonged in that family.

When exactly this had become her dearest dream, she wasn’t entirely sure, but it didn’t matter because she now knew it was an unobtainable quest. That life would never be hers and, the longer she allowed the illusion she’d woven last night to linger, the more it would hurt in the end. So, as she climbed to her feet and gazed resolutely into her own eyes, Rey vowed that she would lay the truth out for Ben when he woke, express her remorse over her duplicity last night and confess that she understood what had to happen now. She saw the fright in her own eyes, the worry over how he would respond. Would it be worse if he challenged her, saying he wanted her to stay with him? Or if he agreed they should part ways? She was only just realizing how desolate of a position she had placed herself in, with no resolutions that wouldn’t utterly shatter her heart, when something happened.

A tremor of some sort passed through her, leaving her with a sense of dread that she did not understand. She had just begun a survey of her surroundings, hoping to determine whether or not her environment had experienced any measure of quaking along with her, when the heady sensation of Ben’s consciousness slammed mercilessly into hers, roiling with alarm and fear.

_Rey! Get out!_

No sooner did Rey realize she had heard Ben’s voice clear as day inside her mind, than the bond suddenly severed, leaving her staggering for balance in the abrupt loss. Her immediate thought was that he had confirmed her suspicion, that he wanted nothing to do with her and, indeed, wanted her out of his life as swiftly as possible. But the intense fear she’d felt so briefly had centered on a dire concern _for_ _her_ , which wouldn’t make any sense if that were the case. The longer Rey pondered this discrepancy, the more worried she became, until she recalled the strange tremor and sense of dread that had passed through her, which threw her instantly into outright panic.

Hurrying from the fresher, Rey turned without hesitation toward Ben and the warehouse, no thought in her head of adhering to Ben’s command. But as she skidded to a halt in the wide open space, she realized she had already failed him anyway.

A frame of some sort occupied a large area of the loading door, its edges crackling softly as it held back the protective forcefield. Through this breach, five stealth troopers had penetrated their sanctuary. Two held Ben, naked and shackled between them on his knees, their hands on the back of his neck pressing him forward as they simultaneously pulled upward ruthlessly on his arms, effectively immobilizing him. As he fought to lift his face enough to meet her gaze, Rey saw a heavy collar of some sort affixed round his neck. Somehow, she knew it created a Force-nullifying field, like a miniature version of the shield on Cholganna, and that it—not Ben—had been the cause for his sudden departure from her mind.

Rey’s head spun, terror spiking as she saw another trooper emerge from rummaging through their belongings holding Ben’s lightsaber aloft, and two more quickly approaching her with a second collar open and ready for her throat. But before she could move, before she could scream or even lift a hand, the galaxy stopped and Rey in an instant knew what had transpired to arrive at this moment.

She had used the wrong finger.

Two nights ago, she had retrieved Ben from the club and Roy had convinced her to pay for Ben’s whiskey binge with a finger scan. She had consoled herself with the observation that he had paid for many things during their stay on Corellia using the same method, all without consequences of the Imperial sort. While that was completely accurate, what she hadn’t known was that only _one_ finger had been properly encoded to Ben’s false identity…and it hadn’t been the one she’d used. Instead of the club’s system recognizing and placidly accepting the charge to the account of one Ghrikk Dymos, it had sent an automatic alert straight to Corellian Imperial Command, informing the local authorities that wanted criminal Ben Solo had been located in the orange sector.

A sharp, brief cry strangled from Rey’s throat as the onslaught of instant information weakened her knees and sent her staggering. Catching herself with a hand thrust back against the doorway behind her, she had no time to think. With such mental clarity and agility that it seemed to happen in lengthened time, Rey saw the two troopers descending upon her with the collar. Throwing her hand up to ward off their advance, she caught the collar in her hand, feeling the sickening field sheltered within it, ready to activate the moment the insidious device snapped closed.

Desperately holding off two strong men with little hope of actually managing to do so, Rey’s focus was suddenly torn away from her predicament to focus on Ben. Immobilized with his forehead nearly touching the floor, he continued to struggle against his captors without the benefit of his access to the Force. But what really caught Rey’s attention was the last trooper, who approached Ben with his distinctive spitting lightsaber held aloft, long strides taking him much too swiftly to the solitary object of his focus, his captive, his victim. One of the troopers was at her side now, fighting to gather her wrists into his possession while his partner attempted to wrangle the collar out of her grip and onto her neck. Ben’s executioner began his conscripted saber’s descent toward its owner’s head along with his final broad step to Ben’s side. And Rey, her wailing of fright and grief instantly and inexplicably subsiding, felt herself seized by a deep well of fury, of cold rage that left her numb to all but what _must…not…happen_.

With a vicious cry, Rey ripped her hands from her would-be captor and flung her arms out to her sides. To her simultaneous surprise and expectation, the two men went flying away from her, one with bone-crunching force into the wall, and the other right out through the forcefield-penetrating frame that had originally admitted him. Heedless of their fates, Rey focused with cold efficiency on Ben’s predicament, reaching her left hand forward and seizing his executioner in an unbreakable and invisible full-body grip, yanking him and the red cross-guarded lightsaber away from Ben. Contained for now, her attention turned away from him although her grip sustained, and Rey threw the other two men off Ben with a flick of her hand. When they attempted to rebound and charge at him with weapons drawn, their intent clear, Rey narrowed her eyes in disgust and snapped their necks in tandem.

Returning her attention to the fifth trooper dangling in her grip, the tips of his boots skimming the surface of the floor, she jerked her chin and Ben’s lightsaber flew neatly from his hand and into Ben’s. Leaving him to dispatch the collar on his own, Rey cocked her head at her captive, wondering what hell he deserved for threatening Ben’s life. The heat of her wrath building inside her, she willed it to do the same in him. She smiled cruelly as he first whimpered then soon screamed with rising vigor as his insides heated to boiling and beyond, until the sounds of his agony subsided all too soon and he lay limp in her grip. Angered by his audacity in dying so soon, Rey willed the heat higher and deeper, becoming only more intent on this man’s complete destruction when horrid blisters began bulging beneath his clothing then breaking forth with steaming and flaming ooze.

Consumed by her rage, Rey was entirely unaware of Ben pulling at her arms and shouting her name. Engrossed by her victim and the power she held over him, she only shook her head slightly at Ben, grinning all the deeper when the trooper’s remains began to char. But when Ben grasped her face between his hands and placed his face directly in her line of sight, Rey blinked and shook her head. Her hand dropped to her side as she whimpered Ben’s name, the blackened and disfigured body likewise falling. Staring into his eyes, the dawning realization of what she had just done overcame her, and her legs gave out beneath her. Ben managed to catch her in his arms before she hit the floor and Rey clung to him, weeping and convulsing violently.

“What did I do?” she wailed in frantic despair. “Gods, Ben! What am I?!”

He didn’t answer right away, and Rey grasped at his flesh, feeling the reassuring pulse of his heart as well as the prominent presence of his Force surrounding them both. She knew the bond was shut—in fact, knew she could do the same now, too—but she was nevertheless fully aware of Ben in the Force, his presence so enormous and overwhelming and _wanted_ that she marveled she hadn’t been able to sense it before. But, at the same time, she was entirely too aware of her own power, of what it had just done at her bidding, and just how much she had desired what she’d made happen. Tears of shame and horror flowed, and she kept repeating her agonized but senseless questions, over and over, until finally Rey sensed Ben was able to shove aside his own shock at what he’d witnessed and offer the soothing comfort she so desperately needed.

“You saved my life, Rey. That’s what you did.”

“But I didn’t have to kill them!”

“Really?” he challenged. “You think they were going to just sit down and have a chat with you when you told them _no_?”

She blinked at him, the dark truth that she didn’t want to release lurking in her mind. But then an image of Kylo Ren flashed though her mind and she knew, if there was _anyone_ she could confess this to without suffering outright condemnation, it was him.

“But…part of me…”

“Liked it.”

Rey’s eyes widened. He’d finished her thought as a statement, clearly having no doubt in his mind what she’d intended to say, and he was right. She nodded, a wave of affection rolling over her as she realized how singularly suited he was to understanding what she’d just experienced.

“The power, the ability to make your will _reign_ ,” he murmured, nodding. “That’s the Dark Side, Rey. The Jedi feared it, but there’s also strength there. The trick is letting go of it once it has helped you accomplish what you need.”

She frowned, contemplating his words. “I’m not sure I would have let go. If you hadn’t been here to stop me.”

“It’s entirely understandable. You’ve dealt with this temptation before, Rey, and you’ve overcome it. But, as far as you know, this was your first time. And I’m not sure _anyone_ could overcome it on their own the first time, especially not if it accomplished something that you really wanted.”

“Like saving your life?”

Ben smiled, and Rey found it a divinely beautiful sight. Letting that stand for his answer in lieu of words, Ben then jerked his head, looking out toward the frame that still hung in the door, holding the forcefield open.

“We need to get moving, Rey. We can’t stay here.”

She nodded, worming her way out of his arms then yanking his shirt off over her head and tossing it at him on her way toward her disordered pile of clothes. Aware but not distracted by his eyes on her naked form, Rey worked swiftly and efficiently, first dressing herself then shoving all of her belongings into a bag until it was bulging at the seams. Standing, she clipped her lightsaber at her hip beneath her cloak, then glanced at the battle staff that it had replaced. She recalled all the training she had done with it, everything Ben had taught her, but recognized it would be unwieldy and draw far too much attention for comfort just now. They needed to move quickly and incognito. The staff helped with neither of those objectives, so it would stay right where it was.

When Rey straightened, she found Ben similarly dressed and packed, ready to go. Without a word between them, they walked out of their warehouse home for the last time. As they approached the lift, Rey felt Ben’s Force settle over her, and she knew he had just placed his glamour on both of them, concealing their true appearance. She looked at him sharply, doubt in her eyes, and he grimaced.

“It won’t be as effective,” he admitted, “since they know they’re looking for us. But it might help.”

Rey nodded. “You know what else might help…”

Having already known before trying that she would be able to do it, Rey slipped beneath the sealed barrier of their bond and threw it off, opening the flow of awareness between them. She felt Ben’s surprise, as well as his acceptance of her determination, agreeing with her assessment that they could both be more vigilant and aware of oncoming threats with the bond open than they could with each of them on their own.

As they plunged through the building toward the ground floor, Rey felt Ben’s curiosity and she responded despite his silence.

“Yes, it’s all perfectly clear now. I feel the Force in everything, in me and in you most of all. And I know exactly what I can do with it. It’s…”

She hesitated, not sure how to characterize how it felt. It was overwhelming, but perfect. Daunting, but comforting. Scary, but soothing. It was everything and nothing all at once, and she wasn’t sure how she could have ever lived her life without it.

“It’s amazing,” she finally said, smiling broadly at him, fully aware that he knew exactly the full measure of complexity that went into that statement.

When the lift doors opened, Rey sobered immediately, stretching her awareness out into the dark silence of their surroundings through the Force, alert for any sign of sudden movement or interest. She felt Ben do the same and knew he’d found the nighttime city as disarming as she did. Even the club’s booming music was absent, the night being closer to dawn than dusk, and Rey suddenly thought of Roy and wondered how horribly he’d been caught up in all this.

Determinedly shifting her focus back to the task at hand, it wasn’t long before they encountered evidence that Rey’s murderous rampage and their subsequent escape had been discovered, or at least that it had been anticipated it could happen. A pair of white-clad stormtroopers, armor gleaming in the distant moonlight and nearer street lamps, were making their way along the sidewalk, requesting identification from a weary street bum who was just trying to catch some rest on an unforgiving bench. Rey’s instinct reared immediately, the Force responding with crackling intensity as she prepared herself for a fight. But Ben gently and insistently gripped her arm, soothing and repressing her instinct toward violence.

“There’s a better way,” he told her softly but firmly.

Before she could respond, Rey felt a shift in the shimmer of Ben’s Force energy that already lay over her, and she knew he had made both of them appear quite dirty and haggard. Then he reached deftly into the stormtroopers’ minds and caused them to believe the pair of them were drunk, staggering and slavering over themselves in a most unattractive manner. And, for good measure, he blocked the troopers’ perception of their overstuffed bags. Impressed by the finesse of his control, Rey stifled a smile as she bowed her face and leaned into his side, selling the ruse.

“Halt!” one of the troopers called, having finally become aware of their approach. “Identification. Now.”

“I don’ got ‘denti’cation,” Ben drawled in a slovenly fashion. “You got ‘denti— ‘denti—?”

“I drunk it!” Rey responded with over-exaggerated diction an instant before bursting into raucous laughter.

On sudden inspiration, Rey generated and emitted a putrid stench of alcohol, vomit, and urine from the pair of them, and she felt Ben’s effort to repress his laughter as he deliberately stumbled into the second trooper who had just joined them.

After a vigorous shake of his head to rid himself of their stink, the first trooper demanded, “What are you doing out so late?”

Both Ben and Rey instinctively stilled their breath, turned to contemplate one another, and burst out laughing.

“Drinkin’!” Ben shouted as if it was the most obvious thing in the galaxy, and added a hiccup for good measure.

Wafting an extra wave of rancid breath along with Ben’s hiccup, Rey watched as the troopers stepped back and impatiently waved them by. Giggling, she took Ben’s hand and hurried off, hearing one of them call after them that it was time to go home. Wishing forlornly that she could figure out exactly what that meant for her, Rey merely bowed her head lower and deliberately stumbled into Ben’s path, drawing his arm around her shoulders as they made they way beyond the troopers.

At last confronted by the mag-lev station, Rey felt Ben’s hesitation, knowing he suspected a greater measure of control over travelers at this late hour. But, realizing they had little choice unless they wanted to swim the river—which Rey for one wasn’t certain she could actually do—they ventured forth anyway. To their relief and Ben’s surprise, though, they found the opposite to be true. With the usual cohort of operational attendants absent, the station’s droids and mechanical systems were left to their own devices, which suited Ben and Rey’s purposes just fine.

Having dropped their pretense as disorderly and stench-ridden drunks, they waited with all the outward appearances of exhaustion and boredom while, inside, their minds were alert and attentive. Just as their train was pulling into the station, a commotion some distance behind them drew their focus at the same time. Although neither of them turned to look, they sensed heightened anxiety and raised voices as an urgent call to shut down the station rang out only an instant too late. The doors to their car having opened only a moment ago, Ben and Rey smoothly entered, casually taking a position just inside the door so they could not be easily seen. Though the shouting officials were too far away for Rey, she sensed through the flowing bond that Ben had already accessed their minds, at least enough to know that their passage onto the train had gone unnoticed. Despite this good news, she felt his spiking anxiety and looked up at him with a question in her eyes.

“They could still shut down the train,” Ben explained softly.

But even as this threat was voiced, it seemed to be thwarted since the doors smoothly slid shut and the deep humming beneath their feet soon commenced, then they were underway. Granting herself a deep sigh of relief and a squeeze of Ben’s hand, which she only now realized was still clutched in her own, Rey absently noted the enormous fountain passing beneath them, lit up with all sorts of colored lights. Recalling their afternoons in the park, strolling, chatting, and sometimes playing with the fountain’s sprays of water, she realized she was going to miss Corellia. And, knowing full well where her thoughts were headed, she reached along the bond and gently but firmly pulled Ben’s barrier down, cutting off their access to one another.

Surprised, he looked down at her. “Why did you do that?”

Annoyed that he should force her to actually verbalize that she didn’t want him having access to her every thought, she turned away. But when she tried to pull her hand from his, he gripped her tight and refused the separation.

“No,” he interjected gently, clearly understanding her reaction. “I mean, why didn’t you create a barrier of your own? Why use mine? Can’t you make one?”

“Yes, I can,” she answered promptly, then cocked her head, intrigued by his question. “I didn’t think to. I suppose…I’m just used to it this way.”

He nodded and looked away, but the question still perplexed her. Using his barrier gave him control over the flow of the bond. He could lift it whenever he wished, whether or not _she_ wished. And she wasn’t at all certain why she should want him to retain that level of autonomy, even though she knew— _and_ she knew _he_ knew—that she could indeed create a barrier to shut him out just as quickly as he could violate his own to gain access to her. As the mag-lev slowed coming into the spaceport station, Rey could only conclude that, on some level, she _wanted_ him to claim access to their bond. And, that, she knew, was a thought best left unexamined. At least right now.

To Rey’s surprise, the spaceport was not nearly as deserted as the station in the city, although it was still considerably less busy than usual. Two or three cloaked figures hurried about their business, disembarking from other compartments of same train, and it was only then that Rey realized the problem that now confronted them.

“We can’t take our shuttle.”

Ben nodded at her words, and Rey understood he’d already contemplated this issue. With a determined set to his jaw, he gripped her hand afresh and strode after the nearest of those cloaked figures, a tall humanoid of a species Rey didn’t recognize, a smooth and hairless oblong head jutting from atop his cloak. When he turned at their approach, Rey saw that he had small facial features set within a shallow recess in his skull, which struck her as both surprising and mildly humorous. Even more surprising, though, was when Ben reached a hand toward the strange man’s head and he immediately slumped at their feet. Having felt the wave of his Force energy and knowing the man now reposed in a deep slumber, Rey gave Ben a sour look as he exposed and pressed his hand against the sleeping stranger’s.

“You like doing that to get your way, don’t you?”

He shrugged easily as he regained her hand and led her toward the docking bays. “It’s easier than a lot of alternatives.”

“So, we’re just going to take his ship?”

“Oh, don’t let your conscience get to you,” he sniped gently. “He’s a slave trader. Just sold a lot in the blue sector. He’s due for some hardship.”

Finding she couldn’t quite disagree, Rey nodded, following Ben silently as he navigated them through the myriad bays. At last, along with the first rays of sunlight burdening the sky, Ben tugged her toward a sleek ship that was a marked upgrade from their previous transportation. She watched as he pressed his hand to the lockplate, wondering how he was going to overcome the locking mechanism, and gasped a little when it readily opened for him.

“How did you…?”

“I temporarily borrowed his handprint,” Ben explained. “But it doesn’t last long, so I need to recalibrate the lock now.”

Rey nodded, looking around anxiously while he studied the contraption. With the sky brightening above them, she was feeling decidedly uncomfortable, and then a shiver ran through her body that had her hurrying back out through the docking bay door. Looking down the long, open-air corridor, she saw stormtroopers accessing and ducking into every bay they passed.

“Ben,” she hissed, hurrying back to his side. “Ben, we need to go.”

“Almost done…”

Rather than waste time with any more words, Rey slipped an image of what she had just seen beneath his barrier to their bond, and he looked at her, the alarm she needed to see finally present in his eyes. He swore under his breath.

“I still need to get you logged in.”

“No time,” she insisted, refusing to allow him to calibrate her palm print for the lock.

Evidently heeding her instinct, Ben hit a few last commands on the lockplate, then hurriedly ushered her up the ramp and into their new, quite luxurious ship. Willfully ignoring the smarmy sense the place gave her, Rey led Ben through the corridors to where she instinctively knew the cockpit lay. Responding to their entrance, the helm lit up and Rey felt the smooth thrum of the engines below. Thrown off kilter by the unfamiliar configuration, she stood back and let Ben take the lead in the interest of time. Instead, she cast her mind out toward the stormtroopers she’d seen, finding they were already rushing toward their bay, having heard the engines coming to life.

“Ben…” Rey moaned in warning, to which he merely nodded, slapping a few more controls that finally resulted in a marked rise in the pitch of the engine noise, followed precipitously by a lurch that indicated take off.

Angling the ship toward the bright orange sky, Ben punched the acceleration as little too quickly for decorum in a public space port, but Rey didn’t care. As the light quickly faded until the darkness of space surrounded them through the viewport, Rey felt her awareness of the troopers stretch then soon snap, leaving her alone with Ben once more.

“Where are we going?” she wondered.

“I don’t know,” he responded, his voice tight. “But we’re doing it now.”

With a few nimble strokes of his fingers at the nav computer, Rey felt the deepening of pressure that heralded hyperspace. An instant before the stars lengthened into lines, though, she saw an Imperial star destroyer leap into being, and she knew they were only just escaping in time. As Corellia blinked into oblivion behind them, Rey felt a pang of guilt for the annoyance of Imperial attention that their presence had brought upon Coronet City, not to mention nostalgia for the time with Ben that she knew was over now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… Anyone up for Dark Rey?! What do you think? Should she feel bad for killing 5 men?
> 
> In other news, I regret that I will no longer be able to continue making moodboards for this story. I am not at all artistically inclined (not visually, anyway), and design is very, very difficult for me. Although I’ve used a program that makes it as easy as it could be, I’ve spent hours upon hours hunting down images and figuring out how to arrange them to represent each chapter, and…well…it’s exhausting and just not how I want to be spending my time! I hope it’s not too much of a disappointment to anyone, but I did want you to know why the moodboards have disappeared from Tumblr.
> 
> Anyway…! Up next: Rey’s Choice.


	20. Rey's Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Between the title and the warning at the top, you can probably take a pretty good guess at where this chapter is headed… :’(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: I BAWLED MY EYES OUT WHEN I WROTE THIS CHAPTER… (But there was nothing when I revised it, so I don’t know… Maybe I was just especially susceptible that night. You’ll have to let me know if you found it very tear-jerky!)

It wasn’t until they had hopped out of and into hyperspace twice more that Ben finally started to feel his adrenaline ease. And, as soon as he was no longer in survival mode, the frustration hit with a vengeance.

“I just don’t understand what went wrong!” he griped under his breath while resisting the temptation to ignite his lightsaber and remodel the expensive cockpit. “Everything was going so smoothly!”

“It’s my fault.”

Ben turned, surprised. Rey had made herself scarce just after their first jump. On such a large ship, it was easy to do, and he’d been solely occupied by the matter of ensuring that their narrow escape from the Empire on Corellia remained an actual escape. Now, though, the memory of her easily ending the lives of five men came back to him, and he stifled a sympathetic cringe at what that meant for her.

“No, Rey. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Yes, I did,” she contradicted him swiftly, still hovering at the entrance to the cockpit. “When I went to get you from the club that night… I had Roy use a finger scan to pay your tab.”

Ben bowed his head, reflecting that such a small thing could have such a big impact. He hadn’t intended to leave her dependent on him and his funds, but he saw now that was precisely the effect he’d engendered. With him completely incapacitated and she no doubt being pressured to pay, what else was she supposed to do? Come to think of it, he wasn’t even sure how she’d gotten him back up to the warehouse. While the finger scan answered some questions for him, it exposed more errors, the myriad small ways in which he’d failed her, just like he always inevitably did.

“It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have abandoned you like that and gotten trashed off my ass.”

“You had every right,” she insisted, suddenly pushing herself from the doorway and venturing toward him, “considering what you’d just learned.”

But he knew without a doubt he bore the blame for this, his mind already swimming with the things he could and should have done both before and on that day. “No, I shouldn’t have put you in that position.”

Rey fell silent with a weary sigh and Ben echoed her gesture. He desperately wanted to reach out to her, to pull her into his arms and bury his nose in her hair, but he couldn’t get a read on her mood. She was insistent, but not frantic; steady, but not calm. It was a strange mess of contradictions he perceived from her, like the calm before a storm, and he couldn’t determine whether he should be alarmed or placated by it.

“We can each blame ourselves for the rest of our lives and it won’t make any difference,” she finally breathed on a weary sigh. “Can we just accept we each contributed and move on?”

Ben eyed her closely, even more intrigued and confused by her attitude. Based on what he had come to expect of her, he would have thought she’d insist far more stringently over her own culpability, and he wasn’t quite sure what to make of the fact that she hadn’t. Before he could ponder this further, however, she abruptly changed the subject.

“Where are we going?”

“Galea,” he answered readily. “It’s a sparsely populated planet with a thriving tourist industry. It wasn’t really an option before since our shuttle would have been too conspicuous there, but this ship will fit in very well.”

“Won’t it be obvious that it was stolen, though?” Rey asked with narrowed gaze.

Ben stifled a snicker as he answered, “Unless I’ve completely lost my knack with mental manipulation, no. The owner thinks our shuttle is his now, so he won’t report this one missing.”

Rey’s eyes narrowed further, and Ben had the distinct impression she was critical of his application of the Force. It was an entirely new effect coming from her.

“You’re willing to gamble on that?” she challenged.

“Makes me feel closer to my dad, I guess,” he answered blithely with a little shrug.

Rey made no response to his admittedly pathetic attempt at levity, but continued to eye him closely from midway between the entryway and his seat. He met her gaze, wondering what was really on her mind and why she was so reluctant to come to it. Before he could find either enough courage or enough irritation to speak his mind, though, Rey sighed softly and moved forward to occupy the co-pilot’s seat. He watched her peruse the helm, her eyes lingering appropriately on the more pertinent controls, indicating she was reconciling this ship’s layout with the cockpit she had learned to pilot in. Burying his pride in the skill he had helped her acquire, he gave her all the time she wanted as her eyes lifted toward the broad, uninterrupted expanse of this fancy ship’s curved viewport and the endless field of starlines beyond.

“You promised me a third option.”

She spoke so abruptly, interrupting the lingering silence Ben had become quite accustomed to, that he had to shake his head to get it working straight again.

“What?”

“A third option,” she repeated. “An alternative to staying with you or returning to Hux.”

Ben frowned, his heart lurching inside his chest as he struggled with how to respond.

“But… I thought… Last night…” Entirely aware of the fool he was making of himself, he squeezed his eyes shut and exhaled sharply, forcing his mind into some semblance of order. “You don’t want to stay with me?”

And then she spoke the words that shattered his heart: “I can’t, Ben.”

Gritting his teeth and forbidding the tears that suddenly burned behind his eyes, Ben took a moment to bring his rioting emotions under control. Instinctively choosing to push his already-injured feelings aside for the time being, he focused on the practical matters before him. He was fully aware, after all, that he _had_ promised her what she was asking for.

“That’s actually why we’re going to Galea,” he responded, more than surprised that his voice was steady despite his inner turmoil. “There’s a massive resort city there, very expensive. You can get work as a mechanic and earn enough credits to get and do anything you want. It’s not glamorous work, but it’s lucrative. And you have a knack for it. I can help you acquire identification documents and give you credits to get started. Beyond that, you already have everything you need. You can pilot, you can protect yourself, and you can work.”

Rey nodded slowly, pondering the plan he’d so succinctly laid out for her, but it killed him that she didn’t look at him at all, only continued to stare out at the stars. As the silence lengthened, Ben somehow sensed she was withdrawing from him all the further. Not only did he not know how to stop her retreat, he wasn’t sure he should. And that uncertainty only agonized him all the more.

“You’ve been working toward this all along,” she murmured at last, finally at least glancing toward Ben with an expression of gratitude in her eyes. “It wasn’t just about regaining my memories, was it?”

He swallowed anxiously and responded in a soft voice, “No, it wasn’t.”

Rey was silent for another agonizing stretch then abruptly declared, “That seems like it could work. It’s a good plan.”

Ben nodded then confessed, “It was yours.”

“What? When?” she questioned with far more enthusiasm than he’d seen in her since leaving Corellia.

A sudden instinct made Ben wonder if it would be better to keep this to himself, it being one of those lost memories that had come between them. But the die had been cast and he wanted her to know the truth.

“A long time ago. During the war. But you never got to implement it.”

She frowned. “Why not? What happened?”

“Cerisse. The First Order…” Ben turned toward her, meeting her gaze directly as he concluded his confession. “Me.”

Ben saw a deep well of sadness lurking in her eyes, and his heart constricted in pain, suddenly understanding her mood and knowing where it was heading. He’d thought— No, he’d _hoped_ after their time together last night that things were different. He’d even managed somewhere during their flight from the warehouse to convince himself of a new level of solidarity between them. But now, looking into her eyes, he saw the same look that had haunted him so many years ago, the same sorrowful gaze that had lingered on him when he’d foolishly suggested she abandon her friends and rule the galaxy by his side. And he knew their history was repeating itself, despite that she couldn’t remember it.

“Rey,” he croaked suddenly, knowing he couldn’t endure losing her again, not after so long without her. “Stay with me. It’s not like it was before. We want the same things. I can make you happy. Please… Let me make you happy.”

Her gaze remained fixed on his, so he clearly saw the sorrow deepen in their depths. He saw that she understood he’d read her intentions in her attitude, and he imagined that she was remorseful over her inability to find a better way to handle that revelation. Of course, Ben wasn’t sure such a thing was possible anyway. If she truly intended to leave him again, there was no way she could do it without breaking his heart.

That inconvenient fact didn’t stop her from trying, though, as she said gently, “We do want the same things, Ben. But we can’t have them.”

Stubbornly shaking his head, he argued, “The memories don’t matter—”

“They _do_ , Ben,” she interrupted firmly, twisting in her seat to address him more directly. “Maybe not now, but eventually they will. Eventually you’ll see the differences between who I was and who I am, and those differences will consume you. Eventually I’ll be nothing but a disappointment to you, a reminder of what you can never reclaim. I don’t want that for either of us.”

But Ben didn’t even hear most of what she said, continuing to shake his head through much of her speech. She was just afraid. From her perspective, she’d only known him a short time, and she couldn’t possibly understand just how dedicated he was to her. It had suddenly become imperative that she understand, though, so he leaned forward with desperate determination as he contradicted her argument.

“I don’t believe that. You could never be a disappointment to me.”

“Ben,” she admonished gently, her hand suddenly lifting to cradle his face, as though she knew that was the only way to get him to actually listen to the words that were shredding his heart. “I already am. I saw it in your eyes yesterday. And I see you’re even fighting it now. You know the truth. You just don’t want to admit it because you know that means I can’t stay with you.”

Memories assailed him of the endlessly cycling thoughts that had consumed him in the club, leading him to seek one shot after another and another and another. He loved her. Of that he had no doubt. But was it really _her_ he loved? Or the woman who was gone, the one who had been his wife? How much of her remained in this body that had once been absolutely everything he adored? And, if this person who gazed so intently into his eyes with deep sympathy and sorrow of her own wasn’t his wife, how could she look, smell, think, act, and _feel_ exactly like her? Even her Force signature was precisely the same. What did it all mean? How was he supposed to reconcile this?

And how many different ways could he make Hux and the Emperor suffer for what they’d done to his Rey?

Abruptly shaking the errant and useless thoughts from his head, Ben gripped his hair in his hands and squeezed his eyes shut against the pain. She was just as afraid of losing him as he was of losing her, the difference being that _his_ loss was happening _now_. What she worried about wouldn’t happen for years from now, if at all. Her fear centered on what _might_ happen, how he _might_ feel once they were settled and no longer fighting for their lives. But she couldn’t _know_ that was how it would happen and he could control it, anyway. He could make sure he never felt she was in any way deficient, that she was anything less than what he’d always wanted. And he suddenly knew that he had to get her to agree to stay, by any means possible.

”What about Declan and Aileen?” he asked suddenly, latching desperately onto the strongest argument his whirling mind could settle upon.

“Oh, don’t do that,” she chastised him softly, her expression confirming that he had indeed hit a soft spot. “Don’t throw them at me like that.”

“But they were too little to remember you before,” he pushed, regardless. “You can build a new relationship with them. There’s no shadow of who you used to be with them. Rey…they need their mother.”

And with his last statement, her expression turned hard.

“No, they don’t,” she countered firmly, though not unkindly. “They’ve done just fine without me all this time. _You’ve_ done fine with them without me. And you’ll do even better once you can let me—let your _wife_ go.”

When he muttered _no_ over and over with frantic abandon at her statement, she pulled out all the stops and addressed him with a firm brutality she had to know he wasn’t prepared for.

“She’s dead, Ben. The Empire killed her. And I’m not enough to replace her.”

Ben shot to his feet at that, his angst and emotions far too tumultuous for him to remain confined to a seat. But, having no idea where to go or what to do, he stood helplessly in the middle of the cockpit, raging inside his mind until he blurted out his pain in an agonized howl.

“You’re abandoning me again!”

“No, not yet,” she insisted calmly. “Ben… I’m telling you how it has to be, and what you have to get used to. But I still need things from you, things you promised me. Once that’s established, though, then you need to get back to your children.” She hesitated then, and Ben knew what she was going to say before the despised words left her lips. “And…last night…can’t happen again.”

“But you love me!” he cried, anger seeping through at last as he fought for her. “I felt it through the bond. And it wasn’t just some crazy fantasy about saying goodbye to my wife. You love me! Just like I love you!”

“No, stop, Ben! Last night shouldn’t have happened. I was weak and it wasn’t fair to you. I’m sorry.”

“Fair to _me_!” he shouted, incredulous. “Bullshit! It happened because you want me and I want you. It had nothing to do with my _wife_ and you know that. You knew it when you suggested it!”

He advanced on her again, pushing her back without even touching her as his far greater size imposed upon her. He infused his expression and gaze with the heat he felt for her, the passion that had burned inside him from the very moment he’d found her on Cholganna, the same desire he’d repressed so carefully for months. Last night had been the fulfillment of everything he’d wanted, and for her to say it never should have happened…when _she_ had been the one to instigate everything, to give him the excuse he’d needed to pretend what they felt _now_ was all that mattered? Whether rational or not, he was incensed, and he wasn’t about to let her deny what he _knew_ she felt.

Ruthlessly, he reached out when she attempted to step away from him again, and yanked her flush against him, one arm arching behind her back and the other hand cradling her head to bring her face near to his. With a gasp, she stared into the heat of his eyes, fear reflected in hers, but he knew it was fear of herself, of what she felt for him. And it was exactly what he’d wanted to see.

“Go on,” he dared her in dark, ominous tones, already knowing the truth. “Tell me you don’t want me.”

With a vehemence and speed that startled him, her fury broke through and she shoved him away, her effort—whether conscious or not—aided in some small measure by a Force push that rippled through him.

“Of course I want you!” she cried out frantically, gasping for air through the onslaught of her emotions. “You saved me and showed me I could be so much more than I thought. You’ve protected me all this time, giving me everything I never knew I needed. You’ve opened my eyes and I can see and feel so much more of myself and everything around me and the whole galaxy. How could I _not_ love you?”

She paused, gasping for breath, and Ben stepped forward, eager to have her back in his arms with this admission. But then she lifted her face again, and cold determination masked her, only the fiery desperation deep in her eyes betraying the source of the tears that now marred her face.

“But you don’t love _me_ , Ben. You love who I _could_ have been. And I wanted that, too,” she confessed, suddenly breaking down and sobbing openly with the heartache she’d withheld from him all along. “I desperately wanted those memories, Ben, to know exactly where I belong, to know I’m not alone. But they’re gone,” she wept, her eyes pleading with him to understand what she was so desperately trying to explain, “and every time you look at me and kiss me and tell me you love me and make love to me, I’ll still see the disappointment I saw yesterday, the devastation that I’m not her and can never be her.”

“But I do love you, Rey!”

“No, you don’t!” she shrieked, shoving at the hands that tried to reach for her. “You love an idea, and that idea is as dead as she is!”

Her words hammered mercilessly at the inside of Ben’s head, and something clicked. He didn’t know what it was, vehemently wished he could block it or shove it away, but suddenly he couldn’t.

_As dead as she is…_

Rey. Rey was dead. He’d spent the last two nights mourning her in the way he’d never allowed himself for six long years, always clinging to the smallest sliver of hope even when he knew he shouldn’t. And, last night, he’d been granted the rarest of opportunities to say goodbye to the only love of his life. With sudden clarity, he could see now that it was, indeed, where he had started, taking the gift Rey offered him at face value. At the same time, he’d harbored no illusions that she didn’t have her own agenda too, her own attractions and desires that she wanted to indulge. But he also knew by virtue of the bond they’d shared last night that those secret compulsions had been there for awhile, and she’d never planned to yield to them…at least not until the memories they had both needed so badly were torn away from them. Her offer had been born of his suffering and her need to alleviate his pain in whatever measure she could. And, somehow, somewhere in the midst of the act, he’d forgotten that. What had started as a farewell had turned into the start of something new, at least as far as he was concerned. And, now here he was, right back to dumping the burden of six years’ worth of pent up yearning onto her shoulders.

He didn’t know if she was right. He was too close to his grief to be able to separate his Rey from this Rey. He knew what he felt, knew the desperate compulsion to hang on and never let go, but _was_ that love for this woman who stood in front of him, or for the one who had been effectively murdered by Hux and the unknown Emperor? He couldn’t tell, couldn’t figure out _how_ to tell. But if one thing was clear, it was that Rey—the only Rey there was anymore—wasn’t willing to chance him ever deciding she wasn’t enough.

Burdened by these realities he suddenly couldn’t ignore anymore, Ben fell to his knees. He stared, his expression blank and his eyes dry, feeling a numbness that a corner of his mind recognized wouldn’t last long and all too soon give way to horrific pain. He felt Rey move close to him, but he didn’t move, flinching only a little when her hand rested gently on his shoulder. When she spoke, her voice was soft and gentle.

“You have to let her go, Ben. And me. You need to move on. For the kids.”

Ben squeezed his eyes shut at the last, searing tears pressing from beneath them, knowing the hit to be hard and callous, but also necessary. He’d spent far too much time indulging his insidious hopes instead of focusing on his children the way he should have. And, with Rey was giving him the gift of being able to focus on them now, he was abruptly and all too uncomfortably aware of just how long he had been away from them now.

Somewhere in the midst of his grief, Ben thought of the Force bond. It hadn’t allowed him and Rey to reject one another during the war, and he wondered idly if it would allow it now. He ached with the memory of all those connections they’d shared, so much time spent fighting what he now knew was inevitable. The thought of going back to that, to loving and being loved by someone who nevertheless couldn’t bring herself to be with him… It hurt so deeply he sobbed out the pain. But, on the other hand, he acknowledged there was every possibility the bond would not reassert itself in that way. There was no way of knowing. And, he supposed, if he never saw or heard her again after she left him, then that was his answer.

The thought of letting her go was unbearable, but to hold her when she didn’t want to remain made him no better than Hux. So much of her life had been decided for her, even parts she could no longer remember for herself, and Ben felt nauseous at the thought of perpetuating that cycle. If she chose to be with him, it would be _her_ choice. And if she chose to live without him, he would honor that too, no matter how much pain it caused him. If the Force chose to connect them across vast distances as it had once before, he would work harder to bring her back to his side. And if it didn’t…then he would mourn her and hope she’d found happiness without him.

He didn’t know when Rey had left him alone in the cockpit. And he didn’t know how long he’d huddled on the floor there, weeping. He was grateful for their new transport and its size that permitted privacy from one another. More than anything, he needed time away from her just now, to absorb all she’d said…and all she hadn’t.

At some point, it occurred to him that he was broken. Once, not so long ago that he couldn’t remember, he would have greeted this rejection with so much anger that he could barely control his rage. In fact, at Snoke’s encouragement, he’d often not bothered to control it, just letting the fury loose any way it came. In fact, the last time she’d blatantly rejected him like this, he was consumed with so much anger that he’d killed his uncle. Maybe not directly, it turned out, but the effect was the same.

But now, the anger wouldn’t come, as if it was weighed down by his sorrow, smothered into oblivion. In the past, he’d felt as though there was so much inside him he couldn’t contain it. Now…he was empty. There was nothing to boil over and explode in a fit of temper, nothing to fuel rash decisions that he would later regret. Instead, eventually even the tears dried up, leaving a gaping hollow in their wake that he feared would never be filled again.

Then, somehow, for some reason he couldn’t explain, Ben thought of his children again and his neglect of them in having been gone so long. Before Cholganna, he’d never spent more than two weeks away, always conscious of the fact that they were at home, awaiting his return. Now, it had been two months and he’d never even called them. A pang pierced his heart with the thought, and he grimaced at the almost physical sensation. It seemed he wasn’t quite as empty as he’d thought.

Wholly uncaring of the mess he must look, Ben climbed into the pilot’s seat and cued up the communications system. Hastily entering the code he’d memorized a long time ago, he only then wondered as he awaited the connection if he was calling in the middle of the night. The longer his signal went unanswered, the surer that seemed. But, at last, Finn’s face materialized.

“Ben!” he cried, the joy wholly evident in his expression.

Despite himself, Ben smiled and felt fresh tears stinging in his eyes. Seeing Finn’s face hovering before him filled him with such a rush of emotions that it stole his breath. Only then did he realize how much he missed his friends, too. Finn, Poe, and Rose were as much his family as the kids, and he suddenly longed for the comfort he knew they could provide in the depths of his grief.

“Hey there, traitor,” Ben answered with his usual sobriquet, his voice weak with emotion.

Despite the grainy resolution of the image and the tinny timbre of its sound caused by the vast distance between them, Ben saw his friend immediately comprehend his state.

“Not good?” Finn asked, his face suddenly serious.

For a moment, all Ben could do was shake his head. After swallowing his sorrow and his pride several times, Ben was able to speak again.

“I was spotted on Corellia, but I got away just fine. If you hear anything, don’t worry.”

Finn nodded gravely, then asked somberly, “Rey?”

Only then did Ben realize he’d given his succinct update entirely in the singular, with no indication of Rey whatsoever. It seemed he was already getting used to the idea that he would be without her forever.

“She’s fine,” Ben answered, hastily pushing that thought aside. “Are the kids around?”

Finn nodded. “It’s still early here, but I’m sure they won’t mind getting out of bed to talk to you.”

“Alright. I’m going to splash water on my face while you get them. Just wait for me, ‘kay?”

Finn nodded again and Ben hurried off. It took him a minute to find the fresher in this unfamiliar ship, and Ben steadfastly avoided looking at himself in the mirror when he finally did. The cold water felt soothing on his face, and he felt more in control and ready to face his children with having taken that step.

Hurrying back to the cockpit, though, he was unprepared to find Rey standing in the doorway, peering cautiously around the corner. As he approached behind her, he saw what she was staring at: the image of their children in the holo projector, their beautiful faces pressed close together so they could both be seen. His heart already aching, it pulsed with pain when she suddenly turned to him, wild tears in her eyes that he knew were for the kids and what her choice meant for them. Determinedly swallowing the misery that threatened to engulf him once again, he glanced toward the children.

“Do you want to talk to them?” he asked softly enough to escape the comm system’s detection.

She shook her head frantically, her eyes conveying the message that the idea terrified her more than anything else in the galaxy. And he nodded comfortingly.

“It’s alright,” he assured her. “You don’t have to.”

She nodded her head once, a silent expression of gratitude as she moved aside to let him pass. Careful not to touch her even in passing, Ben moved back into the cockpit and forced himself not to care whether or not she lingered at the door to listen. Of course, that was a lie. He _did_ care. But he forced himself not to look to see if she did. Instead, he focused entirely on the kids, whose faces burst into inexpressible joy as he took his seat and smiled at them.

“Daddy!” they cried in harmony as if they had practiced the effect ahead of time.

“Hey there, my little porgs!” Ben cried in response, noting with surprise how much lighter his heart suddenly felt at seeing their smiling faces.

He listened with rapt attention for several minutes as they launched into a shared narrative of their move and settling into their new life on Dantooine, filled with anecdotes and tattlings and accusations that were so typical of the siblings but that Ben had all but forgotten about. He realized as he listened to them how desperately he missed them, and it was with a newly heavy heart that he heard Aileen finally complain of his absence.

“You’ve been gone so long,” she whined, her brother falling silent at once. “Do you not know how to find us?”

“No, I do,” he assured her. “I’ll be able to come home in a week or two, I think. But I promise I’ll do better about calling, okay?”

“What about _her_?” she demanded, her tone suddenly frigid. “Is _she_ coming with you?”

Ben bit on his lip, taking a moment to control his emotional response to his daughter’s only-mildly-disguised hostility toward Rey before he could answer.

“No, Aileen. It doesn’t look like she will be.”

To his surprise, Aileen looked saddened by the news, her eyes widening and brows lifting an instant before her face bowed. Declan, on the other hand, was quite verbal in his dismay.

“What?” he shrieked. “Why not?”

“It’s…very complicated, Declan. I’ll try to explain it when I get home.”

“She doesn’t want us, does she?”

As Ben furiously blinked back his own response to Declan’s accusation, Ben heard a soft but distinct sob behind him and he knew Rey had heard that. His face bowed, Ben listened to the rustle of garments that told him she had promptly fled to whatever corner she’d found to gain her solitude. When he finally addressed his son’s question, he was unable to continue hiding his own pain.

“It’s not that at all, Declan,” he assured him, still blinking back his tears, but he failed utterly when his daughter spoke up again.

“Would it help if I told her I’m sorry?” Aileen inquired timidly.

“Oh, sweetie…” Ben whimpered, tears choking him in earnest now. “I don’t know. I just don’t know…”

The twins were quiet now, both of them sullen and downcast. Ben wished he could steer them back to their previous levity, but he just didn’t know how. And, just as he had so many times in the past, Finn saw Ben’s need and came to his rescue, gently interrupting the sorrow-laden silence by placing his hands on the twins shoulders and welcoming them into his arms. As his face swam into view, framed by his children’s heads, Ben knew he’d overheard enough to know his own hopes where Rey was concerned were dashed as well. Finn, however, was doing a much better job of holding himself together than Ben was.

“Make sure they know, Finn,” Ben croaked out at him, struggling in earnest now to keep from turning into a sobbing mess. “Make sure they know it’s not them.”

“I will,” he assured him. “Don’t worry about us. We’re safe here. Just…take care of yourself, Ben.”

Ben nodded, knowing Finn’s words carried so much more meaning than a simple farewell.

“I love you guys,” Ben rasped. “All of you.”

“We know, Ben. We do. And we’re here for you.”

He nodded again. “I’ll call again in a few days.”

As one, the twins turned their tear-streaked faces toward him with frantic expression of love. But, significantly, neither of them begged him not to end the call. Ben reached out, new tears streaking from his eyes as his fingers slipped through the insubstantial image of their faces, then they were gone. Overwhelmed, he cradled his face in his hands and bent double until his forehead hit the helm. And he wept a fresh well of tears to add to those he’d already shed, certain there could be no end to his misery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry, my dear readers. I’m so so so so sorry. I’m writing this note as I just finished drafting this chapter, and I’m still crying buckets. My husband even had to come and check on me, very worried about me, having no idea what was going on. And when I told him I was reacting to what I was writing, he gave me the oddest look and I had to tell him to shut up and go away!
> 
> I know it doesn’t seem like it at this point, but I very strenuously and ardently PROMISE you that this story really WILL have a happy ending. In fact, thanks to some sudden inspiration yesterday, I’ve very nearly mapped out the rest of the story and it’s going to be even happier than I’d originally expected! I’d like to promise you that I will spare you any more deeply dolorous chapters like this one, but we’ve still got some seriously heavy revelations to go, so I’m not sure I can make that promise. But, if nothing else, you need to stick with me in order to see how all of this depressing sh*t can possibly end up happy, right? *what’s the emoji for hopeful anxiety?*
> 
> This is my last update before going on vacation with my family! I have worked ahead and have the next few chapters nearly ready to go, so my hope is that I will be able to continue making updates every 4 days. Of course, if I don’t get a chance to sit down with my computer and some wi-fi, that won’t happen. So, please know I’ll do what I can, and please bear with me if I’m not able to update reliably!
> 
> Up next: Secrets and Lies.


	21. Secrets and Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben takes Rey to an isolated area to accelerate her training now that her Force sensitivity has fully awakened. The familiar setting, however, sparks another message from the Force.

Floxton was every bit as gaudily extravagant as Ben remembered. His mother had brought him here once, on one of her few pathetically transparent attempts to win back his affections after what he perceived as her abandonment of him to his uncle’s Jedi academy. Everything seemed bigger and yet, paradoxically, smaller too. And the ostentatiousness of it all, while it had fascinated him in his youth, only served to annoy him now.

All these rich and self-important people, strutting around as if without a care in the galaxy while millions suffered and died under the unreasonable dictates of the Second Galactic Empire. Of course, he knew he was being unfair and that many of these people dressed in all their expensive finery probably hid significant issues and limitations, striving to appear as though they _belonged_ in this world even though perhaps they didn’t. He could find out, of course. It would be a simple matter of dipping into minds that had no idea how penetrable they were. But, given his mood, he was content to stick with his dour impression of them, rather than afford them the benefit of any doubt.

But the initial problem had become immediately apparent upon landing, when his and Rey’s emergence from their shiny ship had been greeted with outright stares. Quickly assessing the matter, he realized that the dark cloaks and simple garments that had helped them blend in on Corellia so well only made them all the more conspicuous here. So their first order of business had been to correct that issue as quickly as possible.

Having learned from the errors of Corellia, Ben made certain to show Rey how to make purchases using the small device that withdrew the funds at regular intervals from an account Ben had set up long ago. “No finger scans,” he’d warned her, knowing the Dymos alias linked to his right index fingerprint had been irrevocably burned on Corellia, and she’d nodded dutifully.

Steering Rey into a ritzy establishment, Ben had assuaged the concerned looks from the staff that they had just returned from adventuring on Ur’nal, which earned not only knowledgeable nods and indulgent smiles, but also a confused stare from Rey. Merely shaking his head slightly, Ben had simply pressed lightly at her back and gestured her toward the ladies who were ready and willing to help her discard her rags and find her some more appropriate finery.

Quite accustomed to this treatment both as the son of a former princess and the erstwhile head of a galactic governing body, Ben had known precisely what he wanted and was quickly outfitted in elegant but comfortable garments in varying shades of black. Briefly and discreetly cringing at the exorbitant cost, he’d charged his purchases then settled into a comfy, overstuffed chair to await Rey’s appearance. When finally she’d stepped from the dressing chamber, he’d stood abruptly, his jaw hanging slack for the briefest of heartbeats as he took in the sight of her.

The dress was simple by Floxton’s standards, but it flattered her implicitly. Hugging and releasing her curves in precisely the right places, the purple color that smoothly deepened from nearly white at her shoulders to deep lavender around her legs perfectly highlighted the olive undertones of her flawless skin. The décolletage was modest, but the back plunged deeper to reveal the solid strength of her shoulders and upper back, and the hem mimicked the arc of the neckline, falling from her knees in the front to mid-calf behind her. But what truly stole his breath and set his heart to simultaneous hammering and seizing was the beaming smile that graced her features as she spun and repeatedly touched the luxurious material, all the while admiring the effect in a full length mirror.

And, as Ben stared, he hadn’t been able to help but reflect that the Rey he’d married would never have chosen a dress. In fact, she would have fought him or anyone else who suggested that to be the best option as strenuously and as long as she could. That this Rey not only chose a dress but was so _pleased_ with it struck him. Hard. And he turned away, wondering if maybe she was right after all. It was an unpleasant thought, and it had plunged him into a sour mood that he worked diligently to disguise.

Maintaining the illusion of a happy couple that the ladies of the shop had clearly assumed them to be, Ben had pulled Rey briefly into his arms and pressed a gentle kiss to her temple, telling her how lovely she looked. To her credit, Rey had smiled and blushed perfectly in character, and even taken Ben’s arm as he led her from the store. But, once they were well enough away, she had released him much to his dismay. He hadn’t objected—didn’t feel he had the right to—but neither had he been able to fully mask his breaking heart. Staring ahead with intensity and singular focus, he had been grateful when he’d felt her hand slip into his, a silent acknowledgement that she knew this was difficult for him and she was sympathetic, despite appearances to the contrary. Holding her hand tight, he’d continued about his objective, feeling both comforted and agonized at the same time.

Floxton being a tourist city, it had been a simple matter to find lodging. Having been reminded of the novelty of all of this for Rey, Ben chose a swanky hotel and even splurged for a suite. Although quite aware that his funds, while deep, were not limitless, he also recognized these would be his last days with Rey, and he wanted to remember the awe and wonder he saw on her face as she absorbed the finery that surrounded her. He wanted to fix the image of her, smiling, amazed, and even happy, in his mind to comfort him throughout the remainder of his life without her. And any price, no matter how ridiculously high, was worth that.

When, inevitably, she’d narrowed her eyes at him and asked him what he was doing as he guided her toward a sophisticated and obviously very expensive restaurant that evening, he’d responded with exactly that…minus the part about a life without her. Clearly comforted that he wasn’t attempting to bribe or charm her into changing her mind—a dark notion that struck him uncomfortably as he thought of his trip here with his mother—she had nodded, offered him a smile tinged with affection and sadness, and enjoyed the meal with him.

The night had been the worst part. He’d paid for a two-bedroom suite partially because he suspected she would prefer it that way, but also because he suspected he couldn’t handle holding her all night without outright begging her not to leave him. But, when the time came to retire to their separate rooms, he’d found himself almost incapable of letting her go without him. When he’d hesitated outside her door, lingering awkwardly in his reluctance to either walk away or voice his concern, she had understood completely, explaining that she needed to figure out how to handle the non-dream and its effects on her own. He’d nodded in resignation then turned away to his own room, but he’d also known he wouldn’t get a wink of sleep. And he hadn’t, at least not until after he’d spent hours anticipating, handling, and finally recovering from the ordeal of not going to her when he heard her whimpering and crying in pain.

In the morning, doing his best to ignore the haunted look in her eyes, he’d instructed her to wear her Corellian clothes then led her to the land speeder he’d rented for the day. Driving her out into the wilds far from Floxton, he hadn’t realized just where he was going until he got there. He couldn’t recognize it, exactly, since he hadn’t ever actually seen it, but he knew just the same that she had once swum in this pool created by a depression in the land between two small waterfalls in the stream. Silently cursing the Force instinct that had led him here, he’d turned aside and focused on the purpose of their visit to this isolated locale.

Knowing that her access to the Force was now whole, he’d trained her harder than he ever had before. Every time she made a mistake, he’d explained the problem then immediately come at her even more ruthlessly. Finally, worn down by exhaustion and frustration, she’d tapped into her Force energy, at last giving him something he hadn’t been seeing from her for the past two months. She’d performed a flip right over his head, far too high and precise not to be supported by the Force, then shoved at him with her energy, sending him flying into the grass face-first. And it was then he’d given her a heated speech about using every resource available to her, staying alive any way she could, regardless of how, why, or who got hurt, just so long as _she_ was the one to walk away. And she’d nodded, her eyes shifting from confusion to clarity, from accusation to understanding, and he’d turned away, unable to bear hearing her say she understood now why he’ d been so hard on her today: because, soon enough, he wouldn’t be there to protect her.

Now, having stalked away from her, he sat at the edge of the pool, staring out at the water’s surface and imagining that day so long ago when she’d swum here while he’d seen her swimming in the floor of his quarters on a star destroyer. _Damnit_ … So much he would have done differently, both then and since, if only he hadn’t been such an idiot as to think _anything_ was more important than her.

“It’s very beautiful here,” Rey commented as she settled onto the narrow sandy bank next to him.

Ben nodded but otherwise remained silent, his focus resolutely out on the water rather than on her. Soon enough, though, even that strategy backfired.

“This pool makes me wish I could swim.”

Suppressing a beleaguered groan, Ben turned away. But then he realized he couldn’t withhold what was on his mind anymore and he turned right back to her.

“Promise me you’ll stay away from the Empire, Rey. Tell me I’m not letting you go just so you can go back to him.”

To his dismay, rather than immediately and strenuously professing her shock at such an idea, she bowed her face. Ben sighed aggressively in response and Rey quickly defended herself.

“It’s not like that’s my _plan_ , Ben! But if something occurs and I have an opportunity to confront him, to find out _why_ he isolated me the way he did, then how can I not?”

“How can you think he’ll do anything other than throw you in that prison on Cholganna again or just be done with it and kill you this time?”

“How can _you_ think I’ll let him get away with anything like that?”

“You did it once!”

Rey narrowed her eyes at that and Ben huffed angrily.

“I mean, it happened once,” he amended, but she continued to peer at him far too perceptively for Ben’s taste.

“That’s it!” she murmured at length. “Some part of you… You _blame_ her for being captured, and it tears you up. All this time…”

“Of course, I don’t!” he insisted, but neither could he meet her gaze. “No, if it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine.”

“But you weren’t even there!”

“I should have been! I should have demanded to go with her. I should have never let her talk me into staying behind.”

“But you’ve told me yourself… Neither of you had any reason to suspect there would be any problems. Everything had been so quiet for so long.”

“Which should have made us even _more_ cautious, _more_ alert! But, instead, we got cocky. She must not have been paying attention. That’s the only way she could have been captured.”

“You don’t know that—”

“You’re the strongest Force-user in the history of the galaxy, Rey! Stronger than me, stronger than Snoke, stronger than any damn Skywalker that ever lived! So why couldn’t you get away? Why couldn’t you get back to me? Why did you have to abandon me?”

“Ben…”

The wavering timbre of her voice, along with the desperate concern in her eyes pulled him back from the edge, and he realized he’d been venting his impotent rage on someone who could explain even less of this than he could. Grunting in frustrating, he turned away from her, angling his back toward her, wholly and irrevocably ashamed by what he’d let slip. But, if he had any real hope that she would just let it lie, it was quickly dispelled.

“You’ve never told anyone you feel this way, have you?”

“How could I?” he spat out, his voice soft but angry. “ _She_ was the victim. Not me.”

“But you were, Ben. You have been all this time. Just because you’re not the one who was abducted doesn’t mean you haven’t suffered. And you’ve never talked to anyone about this, have you? You’ve kept it locked inside for six years. And…”

Rey gasped softly and Ben turned further, desperately wishing he could walk away from her but at the same time desperately needed to hear what she’d just figured out.

“The memories aren’t just about getting her back, are they? They never were. It was always about knowing what happened. Finally knowing…what went wrong, how it all went down… That she didn’t blame you… And that she didn’t abandon you.”

Ben was silent for a long time, the words rolling around in his mind, all the things he’d never allowed himself to say, the thoughts he’d never felt he had the right to think. But she was right. He needed those answers, needed to know precisely how much he’d failed her. Sometimes, through the years, he’d felt he needed that maybe even more than he needed her, which of course had only served to augment his guilt. But to have spent the last two months thinking he’d not only have his Rey but also his answers, then to lose both in one fell swoop… Sometimes he wondered how much misery fate could possibly expect him to endure before he simply gave up. And then other times, just when he thought he’d reached his limit, he found himself trying again…

Like now.

“I always loved her so much,” Ben confessed softly. “Right from the start. But she’d fought me so hard, so long. And when she’d stopped fighting, started loving me instead, I was so happy, I never questioned it. But she was so good…so perfect…so… _everything_. How could I possibly deserve that, after everything I’d done, everything I’d been? How could she possibly love me anywhere near as much as I loved her?”

Rey didn’t answer, and Ben twisted his lips, thinking how _could_ she answer when she was probably thinking the same thing. After all, it was the same exact thing as now. She said she loved him, but it wasn’t enough for her. He was willing to see it though, _make_ it work, no matter the difficulties that might lay ahead for them. But Rey— _this_ Rey—wasn’t willing to try. Maybe this was all the proof he needed, the only evidence he would ever have that maybe she really had abandoned him. Maybe it was a good thing that her memories were gone, so he’d never have to face with any more certainty than this that her love truly hadn’t measured up to his, just as he’d always feared.

“But…the bond,” Rey said at last, hitting upon the same stumbling block Ben always had in his darkest moments, sunk in the bitter miasma of these thoughts. “Isn’t that enough reassurance for you?”

Ben looked away, having no answer for her, never having come up with one for himself either. At least, not one that didn’t actually reek of desperate rationalization.

“You think she could _fake_ it? That she didn’t actually love you as much as you felt through the bond?”

“I don’t know,” he said bitterly, suddenly striking out in his pain. “Isn’t that what _you’re_ doing?”

Ben saw the stricken look in her eyes a moment before she turned sharply away from him. But he couldn’t bring himself to truly regret his confrontational attitude. After all, she was openly _doing_ what he’d only ever _feared_ his Rey had done.

“I don’t know how to help you, Ben,” Rey finally murmured after a long silence.

“Stay with me,” he answered swiftly. “Love me as much as I love you.”

But she shook her head. “You don’t love me—”

“So, you don’t believe the bond either.”

She looked at him sharply, her eyes wide, realizing the logic trap in which he’d just captured her. She argued he should trust what he felt from the bond, despite that she wasn’t willing to do the same.

Weary, bitter, and despondent, Ben gazed out into the pool again. Then sun was already lower in the sky than he’d realized. He hadn’t planned to be out here quite so long and hadn’t made provisions for their mid-day meal. But he, for one, was neither hungry nor particularly motivated to move. Of course, depression was known to do that. But sitting here, knowing _his_ Rey had once been right here, talking to him… One of the first times she’d actually held a conversation with him that didn’t consist of more snarls than words… He felt closer to her here than he had in a long time, which was ironic considering he’d been spending every day of the last two months with her.

Reminded yet again of who this Rey wasn’t and that she wasn’t willing to try either, he was also incongruously reminded of how much she _was_ his Rey when she murmured in awe, “I’ve been here before.”

He nodded, absently wondering if the Force had pushed that knowledge to her, or maybe she was picking up some measure of insight through him despite that the bond was—as usual—tightly shut. Either way, it didn’t surprise him nearly as much as the words that next dripped from his lips.

“Would you like to see my memory of it?”

Her eyes widened as she turned to him. “You were here, too?”

“Not really,” he hedged. “It was one of the Force connections I’ve told you about.”

She was silent for a time once again, and Ben had just begun to think she had wisely chosen not to peek inside his memories when she nodded timidly. Burying his misgivings in favor of the chance to connect with her once again, he carefully lifted the barrier to the bond then thought of seeing her swimming in his floor.

Thanks to the open bond, Ben knew the memory transferred to Rey in an instant. But as she perused it more leisurely, he heard echoes of his past in his mind.

_You have that look in your eye…like you want to kiss me. I always want to kiss you._

_I get to see a side of you not many do…why am I so special? I ask myself that every day._

_This bond…being able to hear, see, touch, feel…it is special…and I know I don’t deserve it_.

Ben felt a twinge, the sense of a rebuke coming at him, chastising him for thinking so little of himself. But, rather than close the bond and retreat back into his wounds-licking mode, he forced himself to confront her, challenging her sense that he shouldn’t sell himself short.

Unwilling to engage directly in the dialogue between their emotions, Ben felt Rey reject his entreaty, but instead felt a surge of what she felt for him. And it was overwhelming. How could she feel this way about him and still want to leave him? It was _because_ she felt so much that she had to, came the answer. But that didn’t make any sense to Ben. Rather than an explanation, however, he was confronted with the sense that his Rey must have loved him deeper than words could express, given how this Rey felt after only a couple months. But before Ben could recover from the magnitude of this insight, something happened.

An momentary image that had nothing whatsoever to do with the memory of the pool where they sat suddenly crossed the bond. More an impression than an actual image, it came and went so fast that Ben’s mind couldn’t make sense of what he’d perceived.

“What was that?” he asked, startled.

“A flash,” Rey answered, her tone grave. “I would get them on Cholganna sometimes. But this is the first I’ve had since I met you. And I’ve never seen an image with it.”

“Did you see it? I couldn’t catch it. What was it?”

Rey hesitated to answer, and Ben felt her suddenly heightened anxiety. Whatever it was, this flash had unnerved her. Before she could answer, though, the flash came again. And this time Ben noticed two things. One, that this was the first time Rey had ever flashed on the same object more than once. And two, that the flash was of Rey herself…beaten and bloodied.

Jolted into action, Ben leapt to his feet and pulled Rey to him, his eyes wild with fright as the image of her abused face swam in his mind’s eye. He checked her over intently, gripping her arms, shoulders, anything he could reach to make certain she was whole and healthy.

“Ben… Ben, stop!” Rey finally shouted, seizing his hands and gripping his gaze with her own. “I’m fine! It’s not now.”

“When?” he demanded furiously, his mind already reeling through his own memories and coming up blank. He’d _never_ seen her so battered and he felt ready to kill because of it.

“I don’t know. I—”

Rey cut herself off abruptly, her eyes widening on Ben’s. She cried out an instant before he felt the pain through the open bond, a searing agony deep inside her abdomen that made both of them crumple back to their knees. Without hesitation, Ben turned her, pulling her against him as he surrounded her from behind with both his arms and his legs. Tossing aside her hands that feebly attempted to stop him, he indelicately lifted her tunic and rested his bare palm against her abdomen, generating a soothing warmth that slowly took the place of the burning fire there. Slowly, Rey’s whimpering sobs subsided and she slumped against him, her head lolled back on his shoulder and her hands pressed over his on her stomach.

They remained like that, both of them waiting to see if the flash and its accompanying pain would return. Eventually, though, it became less about waiting and more about indulging. Without having consciously done so, Ben found his nose pressed close to Rey’s ear. He closed his eyes, dreading the moment when she would push her way out of his arms and resume the physical space between them that tore at his very being. He didn’t dare to move or speak, and even tried to think as little as possible. Instead, he simply held her, feeling her, smelling her…loving her…and she knew it.

The moment she stirred even the least bit, Ben released her immediately. Lifting his hands regretfully from her skin, he opened his arms and legs, allowing her to depart the shelter he’d offered at her own pace. He felt the remorse in her psyche that he couldn’t bear to witness, his face bowed low as she moved away from him. And, though a few short days ago he would have thought he’d never choose to do this of his own volition, he slowly and mournfully closed the bond, unable to subject himself any longer to the torture of knowing she loved him but didn’t want him.

Impatiently, he shook the thoughts and emotions aside, knowing there were more important matters at the moment. When he finally lifted his gaze to fall upon her, he knew there was a measure of remove there, an emotional distance that was the only way he could handle dealing with her now. He hated it, but he had no choice any longer.

“A flash,” he said, finally ready to puzzle out this enigma. “That has happened before?”

She shook her head, visibly working to achieve the same emotional resolve he already had.

“Not quite like that,” she finally answered. “They were just ideas, impressions. They were never that clear as this was. And they never physically hurt me.”

“So _this_ … This hasn’t happened before?”

“No, but it felt like…”

She hesitated and Ben cocked his head. “Felt like what?”

“The dream I’ve been having. The one I can’t remember.”

His eyes widened. “ _That’s_ what you’ve been going through every night?”

“Not _every_ night. Only when you’re not—”

Rey bit her tongue, her cheeks brightening to a deep red, but Ben didn’t need her words to know where she’d been headed. He grit his teeth, angry that she wouldn’t let him help her keep that non-dream at bay. The thought of her going through that kind of pain every night for the rest of her life when she just didn’t have to… It made him angry. _Real_ angry. So angry he was imagining grabbing his lightsaber and decimating a grove of trees. Instead, though, he took a deep breath and forced himself to listen as Rey tried to explain.

“It’s never quite that intense. But it’s the same kind of pain.”

Ben frowned, even more deeply than he already had. “Rey, it’s the Force.”

“The Force?” she repeated, incredulous. “The _Force_ is doing this to me?”

“No, it’s trying to tell you something. And whatever it is… _That’s_ what’s causing you pain.”

She shook her head. “I don’t understand.”

“Rey…” he moaned slowly, the full implications only now beginning to burrow into his consciousness. “Rey, I think this is a memory.”

Her eyes widened, and the glimmer of hope deep inside them utterly decimated his heart. He shook his head sadly.

“If it’s causing you that much pain, it’s nothing good, Rey.”

Her wide-eyed stare turned from hope to horror.

“What do I do?” she cried in sudden despair.

“Open yourself to the Force. Will it to take you where it needs to. It will guide you to what it wants you to know.”

“What if I don’t want to know?” she wailed in fear, tears pushing at the corners of her eyes.

“Sweetheart,” he murmured, the endearment slipping from his lips with complete autonomy. “I don’t think you have a choice.”

She stared in mute fright a moment longer, then resolutely nodded her head. Mirroring her gesture, Ben then turned aside to give her the privacy she’d need, but she suddenly reached out and gripped his wrist.

“Come with me.”

He knew immediately what she meant: open the bond and come inside her consciousness with her. Ben thought about the impotent fury still rumbling around inside his psyche and he shook his head.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea right now, Rey.”

But she clung to him, fright welling deep in her eyes as she pleaded with him. “Please, Ben. I need you.”

He looked away from her sharply, the muscle at his jaw bunching and bulging as he ground his teeth, a fresh jolt of impotent fury piercing him at the awareness that, yes, she did need him. And yet, after this latest assault on his heart was concluded, she would push him away again, thinking she knew better than himself just want _he_ needed.

But, on the other hand, she’d asked. And he’d learned long ago there was very little she could ask of him that he would not do. So, after an attempt at calming his emotions that proved largely futile, he eased the bond open, only to be greeted by a sharp gasp from her.

“Ignore it,” he ordered in a low growl, striving to do the same himself.

“Ben…” she whispered. “I’ve never felt…”

She didn’t know how to fathom the depth of the dark emotions he was battling, and he really didn’t want her pondering it.

“Ignore it, Rey,” he demanded more insistently, then, perhaps with less tact that she deserved, he pulled up the image from his memory of the flash they had both just experienced.

He felt her shock at the sudden confrontation of herself in such battered conditions, but he also felt her mind grasp the image and will it to lead her where it would. To his surprise, they soon enough found themselves in her hallway of doors as it materialized around them. It looked exactly the same, several of the nearest doors lying ajar, one tightly shut, and a seemingly endless line of shadowed doors further beyond that guarded empty rooms.

Reassuringly, Ben gently squeezed Rey’s hand, absently wondering when he had taken it in his own. But he felt her fingers clinging desperately to him, and the fear that engulfed her bled freely into his mind. Sensing more than feeling or seeing her terrified trembling, he reached out to her, gripping the back of her neck and pressing her forehead to his.

“I’m here, Rey,” he murmured, willing his strength into her and feeling her clutching at his arms as she nodded frantically.

Both of them turning their focus back to a distinct tug leading them down the hallway, he found them speeding past door after door after door until at last they came to a halt. Finding them somewhere in the endless stretch of shadowed doors, Ben experienced a moment of frustration, wondering why the Force would lead them here, to the middle of literally nothing. But then the tug came again and Ben heard Rey gasp in surprise and anxiety as it showed them a little tiny door hidden within the contours of the bigger door. Its edges were concealed so well that Ben knew instantly neither he nor Rey nor anyone else would have ever found this door without being led to it. But when he felt Rey pulling at the door to no avail, he knew precisely what this was.

“It’s a memory block,” he murmured, quickly clarifying, “Not like these…shadows, whatever they are. This is a normal one, hidden within the shadow.”

“How could it be here? I thought the shadows obliterated everything.”

“I think… This must have been here before the shadows. Whatever the Emperor did to eradicate your memories, this one had already been blocked and even the shadows didn’t find it. It was preserved.”

“But it won’t open,” Rey objected, and Ben felt the small measure of relief that accompanied her words.

“Tell it what you know,” he instructed. “When it resists you, keep telling it. You have to push your way through it. Don’t let it keep you out.”

She nodded, but then he felt her clutch him harder. “Ben, I’m afraid.”

Opening his eyes, he found her close against him, their foreheads still pressed together. Her eyes were wide, swimming with unshed tears. Flooded with sudden empathy for her, he neither questioned nor resisted the impulse to take the smooth skin of her face between his hands and press the yielding softness of her lips against his. He kissed her chastely then gazed into her eyes again.

“I’m with you,” he murmured. “Be brave, sweetheart.”

With a tear slipping from her eye, Rey nodded then closed her eyes. Upon following her lead, Ben found himself back in the hallway again, the little door plain as day now that they knew it was there. With a deep breath, she began.

“I was beaten,” she told the door.

Almost at once, Ben felt her psyche respond, pushing back against her words, assuring her she has never been hurt.

“No, I was beaten! Someone hurt me!”

Again, the door denied her statements, promising her there were no secrets to be found here.

“No!” she cried, her voice broken and harried with the tears that wrung from her eyes now. “This is _my_ memory! Mine! I’ve had _enough_ stolen from me. You _will_ show me who hurt me!”

And, with that the door opened, and Ben felt himself being pulled inexorably after Rey inside it, into her memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anybody having visions of Canto Bight when they read about Floxton? ;-) And does anyone know where I got the name Floxton from? (Besides “Conflicted,” I mean…) It’s quite the paradise…! (hint, hint…!)
> 
> I want to thank you for the comments many of you left on the last chapter, supporting my decision to write Rey and her choice the way I did. I was a bit worried that would meet with some resistance. (Heh! Pun!) So, thank you for the encouragement and assurances that you found her choice plausible.
> 
> The memory that Ben shares with Rey about the pool is from Chapter 4 of “Conflicted,” in case you’d like to refresh your own memory!
> 
> Up Next: Broken. As you could probably guess, this next chapter will reveal Rey’s memory. And, as Ben guessed, it’s not a good one. All the strongest warnings I can possibly give are up for the next chapter, including INTENSE VIOLENCE, GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS, and NON-CONSENSUAL SEX. I will handle the last in particular as delicately as I can (it will be quite brief and cover only the last part of the deed), but I want everyone to have plenty of warning on that one. I will provide keywords to search for so you can skip over the worst of it, but the first part of the chapter will not be pleasant in the least. If it helps, this is the darkest I expect this story to get.


	22. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey’s lone memory reveals Hux’s early treatment of her, as well as the lengths to which she was forced to go in thwarting his plans for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS AHEAD: INTENSE VIOLENCE, GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS, NON-CONSENSUAL SEX, and MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH (discussed and believed, but not actual). To pass the non-con, skip the first three paragraphs and begin reading at “Pressing her face against the wall.” To pass all the explicit content, skip to the divider (*****) mid-way through the chapter, starting to read at “Her eyes snapped open.” A summary of the essential points from Rey’s recovered memory in the first part of this chapter will appear in the end notes, for those who chose not to read the details.

Somehow, this was the worst. She wasn’t fighting anymore. It didn’t even really hurt. Just him, panting over her, thrusting wildly and madly into her, attempting to make her pay through suffering and humiliation. But the moment in which her physical exhaustion, dispirited mood, and utter lack of hope combined to sap her of the will to struggle against her abuser… When she lay there, placidly accepting every horrid thing he said and did, no longer able to reconcile what she was now with who she once had been… That was the worst.

Her head had fallen to the side and she stared at the wall through her tears, the rough surface rocking back and forth in time with his uneven shoves inside her. Every now and then, he left the haze of his own desire and power enough to recall she was even there, rewarding her with a sharp slap across the face or a brutal pinch of her flesh, pulling an agonized yelp from her throat. But, other than that, all she could do was moan and occasionally wail, crying while she stared at the wall because closing her eyes brought her too many painful images. Until, finally, he stiffened above her, yelling out obscenities with his release as his vile seed pumped into her.

Finding some modicum of fight left in her at last, she shoved at him, scrambling away as far as her chains would allow and curling tightly in on herself at the base of the wall. She was naked, the first stage of her humiliation always being to strip her bare, all while she fought him impotently and ended up horribly bruised and bloodied in the process. She shielded herself from his sight as well as she could, but even part of her broken mind knew it was both futile and senseless. He’d already seen everything anyway, and in the worst possible ways. Why should it matter now if he saw her tits or knew that his spend was creeping uncomfortably from the most abused portions of her body?

Pressing her face against the wall, she waited for him to leave. Normally, he would throw her rags at her now, complete with the fresh rips and tears from her latest struggle against the inevitable stripping, damage that she knew from long experience would go unmended. Normally, she would wait for him to leave with his self-satisfied smirk on his disgusting, pasty face before using the rags to tearfully and desperately attempt to wipe the lingering evidence of his pleasure off her body. Normally, she would then weep herself into a long and troubled sleep, which was the only respite she ever achieved from the misery that had become her life.

But, for some reason, today, normal wasn’t good enough.

Having tucked what little of himself he ever chanced for her to see—not that she’d ever willingly seen anything of him—back into his trousers, Hux stalked back over to her, hovering menacingly. When she refused to look at him, choosing to fix her gaze upon the grimy wall rather than him, he kicked her. Rey cried out in pain and surprise, feeling a crunch in her side that did not bode well. Having failed to elicit any response from her the first time, he did it again…and harder. Prepared this time, she emitted only a deep grunt, but she was unable to keep the series of pathetic whimpers from escaping her throat as she struggled to find a means of breathing that didn’t cause fresh pain with every inhale.

“I never understood what he saw in you,” he spat viciously.

Rey froze. It was rare that he said anything to her at all, and even rarer that he brought up…him. Had she been in a more lucid state of mind, she might have wondered what had generated this odd occurrence. As it was, though, as she could think was how much thinking of him _hurt_.

“He had everything. And he gave it all up…for _this_.”

She didn’t need to see his disdainful gesture at her huddling form to know it was there.

“You’re nothing,” he sneered. “You always were nothing.”

_But not to me_.

Suddenly overcome by the memory, Rey squeezed her eyes shut, fresh, hot tears flowing.

_Ben…_

Before she knew what was happening, her tormentor was there, crouched in front of her, gripping her face and pulling it toward his, studying her.

“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?”

Rey didn’t answer, closing her eyes being her only defense when he held her so close like this. But Ben swam there in the darkness. His beloved face fading in its clarity with each passing…day? Month? Year? How long had she been here anyway? Not that it mattered… She would never escape here. She knew it.

“You still love him.”

_I will always love him_.

For some reason she couldn’t quite fathom, she was tempted to spit those words at him in defiance. But she refrained, keeping them sheltered in her heart where they couldn’t be mocked and ridiculed for his amusement.

“Hmm…” he hummed as he continued to study her abused face. “Maybe it’s time for a different tactic. Maybe I should find out what he found so compelling about you.”

So thoroughly confused by his words that she couldn’t even begin to decipher whether or not she should be alarmed, she only stared at him coldly. But when his lips split in a vulgar grin, she realized she didn’t like the bent of his thoughts at all.

“I could talk to the Emperor. Surely it would be a simple task for him.”

Despite herself, she listened attentively, suddenly needing to know his plan, no matter how vile it surely was.

“Would you welcome me, Rey, my little desert rat, if I looked like him?”

Helpless to stop it, Rey felt her jaw slacken and his eyes widen as his words penetrated her skull. Seeing her reaction, he laughed raucously, reaching out to pinch her bare shoulder as if with affection.

“Oh, if you looked at me like you looked at him,” he murmured, shaking his head and sucking on his teeth, “maybe then I could understand why he’d sink an empire for you.”

She stared, horrified by the thought that his Emperor could accomplish such a thing.

“What do you say, Rey? Would you actually enjoy me fucking you if I looked like Ben Solo?”

Surprising even herself with the strength of her response, Rey thrust him back with a shove and a mighty roar. Rising to her feet, heedless of her nudity, she managed two good, hard strikes of her fist against his jaw before the chain attached to the heavy collar about her neck yanked her to a halt. Glaring at him standing just beyond her reach, his eyes wide in shock, one hand protectively cradling his cheek, she spat at him.

“Don’t you _dare_ say his name!” she shrieked, the power of her voice echoing painfully in the stark chamber.

Breath heaving painfully through her shattered and abused body, Rey stood there, her furious gaze fixed on him as he stared in wide-eyed amazement. Slowly coming back to his senses, he tenderly moved his hand, only then finding that she had managed to split his skin above his lip with only two blows. Staring incredulously at the trickle of blood smeared on his hand, his eyes lifted to find hers with pure hatred reflected deep inside.

“Shall I tell you again all about how I _killed_ him, you fucking cunt?!”

Her head unwillingly filled with the second-hand images of Hux mutilating the inert body of her husband…her _Ben_ …and Rey felt the fight leave her soul. Blinking against the crushing weight of her grief, she staggered back half a step, then collapsed.

“I’ve had enough of this!” Hux roared then.

Not even bothering to hit or kick at her in retaliation for her brief and ultimately pointless show of defiance, he just knelt down before her again, pinching her chin ruthlessly as he snarled into her face.

“You will give me what I need, Rey, one way or another. And, as much as I’ve enjoyed breaking you, this way doesn’t serve my purposes either. It’s time for a new plan.”

When he sat back from her, Rey had the sense he realized he’d said too much, revealed something that should be significant to her, but she simply couldn’t grasp what it was. Whether it was due to her physical exhaustion or her emotional devastation, she couldn’t say, but she did know that, whatever he might devise would only be another form of torture for her.

Not that he could do anything worse to her than what he’d already done…

Leaving Rey sprawled on her back, without even having bothered to throw her pathetic rags at her, Hux left. And Rey wept.

Eventually, after what seemed far too short a time considering all the misery heaped up within her soul, her tears dried. Remaining right where she was, she closed her eyes and turned her focus inward. Calming her emotions and quieting her thoughts with considerably more effort than it had once required, Rey entered a healing meditation, having learned not terribly long ago that, while the hated collar around her throat prevented her from accessing anything of the Force outside her body, inside it was another matter. There, the Force flowed as freely and powerfully as it ever had. Unfortunately, she had yet to find a way to leverage that to her advantage, other than to heal the wounds Hux invariably left her with.

If only it could do the same for her memories…

Rey knew there were stretches of time she couldn’t account for, days and sometimes months perhaps that were just missing. On the rare occasions she allowed herself to ponder the meaning of this, she could conclude only that Hux was up to no good and being aided in his efforts by the mysterious Emperor he repeatedly mentioned. His words coming back to her then, Rey impulsively rose halfway to sitting.

_…this way doesn’t serve my purposes either…_

This way… As though he’d already tried other ways…and erased them…

Rey felt her heart thudding in horrible realization. But before she could even ponder whether or not she could unlock the memories this emperor had already repressed, another realization struck her.

Rape. He’d raped her, over and over, repeatedly… _purposefully_.

He wanted her to conceive. Maker at all the gates of hell, he wanted a child from her. His child. _Her_ child. A Force-sensitive child.

With even deeper horror, she wondered if she had already given birth, once or multiple times, if that was what she couldn’t remember. And she felt sick.

In such abrupt clarity that it could only have been aided by the Force, she knew what to do. But, even so, she balked at the idea. She sat there, naked on the dingy, grimy floor, contemplating the horrible deed the Force was asking of her, all to thwart Hux from ever having access to a Force-sensitive child he could raise and rear and manipulate to his precise and most assuredly nefarious designs. And it took her a long time to accept this was her fate, that she alone must wield that scythe. And it took her even longer to build up the courage to actually do it.

In the end, she began the process even before being fully aware of that fact. In was the sensation of warmth that alerted her, like that caused by a high fever, beneath her hands where they had come to rest protectively against her abdomen. It was there, in that moment, as a result of her subconscious having overcome her reluctance and her fears to actually begin without her conscious consent, that she found the courage to continue.

Closing her eyes and picturing the internal structures, she concentrated the heat there, isolating them from the surrounding structures in order to confine the damage where it was needed. And quickly, faster than she thought possible, the heat built, and she could feel it, searing with agonizing pain deep into her abdomen. She cried out, screaming and weeping with the agony of her body and the misery of her mind. She thought of Ben, of the children they made together, the others they’d planned but would never have for so many different reasons, of which this was only the latest.

When it was done, Rey siphoned the heat away from the charred structures, leeching as much of it into the surroundings as she safely could. Incongruously, given that she knew the heat to be considerably reduced from what it had been, the warmth under her hands grew, the isolation fields she’d established clearly having done their job. Slowly, gradually, incrementally, the heat faded, and Rey wept through it all.

Knowing it must be done, Rey turned her consciousness inward once again, both hoping and dreading to find the task thoroughly accomplished. Feeling the subtle distinctions between each, she concentrated on the Force energy of her heart, her lungs, her liver, her kidneys. And there, just as she knew she would, where her uterus and both ovaries had once been…only charred, disintegrating lumps. She had thoroughly and irrevocably sterilized herself, killed the part of her that had given life to her children, that could have given life to more. And she wept again, feeling the weight of her decision, her betrayal against them, herself, and even the husband who was dead.

“I’m sorry, Ben,” she whispered into the Force, hoping without much hope that his spirit might hear her. “I’m so so sorry, my love. I’m sorry I went to Coruscant without you. I’m sorry I wasn’t more careful. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to escape. I’m sorry I got you killed.”

The force of her misery ripped her apart inside. But, as much as she wanted to simply cry herself into an oblivion from which she would be happy never to wake, her task wasn’t done. She had never performed a memory block before, though she knew the theory of it. She had to devise a place in her mind to store the memory, buried so deeply and so cleverly that only she would ever know it was there, and even that only if she must. Then she had to choose the memory to place inside it. Unfortunately, this part wasn’t terribly precise. She could picture the essential moment in her mind, but what came with it, around it, was largely up to chance.

The essential moment she chose was her self-sterilization, hoping that it would capture enough to likewise obscure her revelations of Hux’s desire for a Force-sensitive child and the Emperor’s manipulations of her memories. With all of this removed from her consciousness, even the Emperor and his apparent penchant for toying with her head shouldn’t be able to access the knowledge that she would never again bear a child. It would do nothing for her having to suffer with Hux’s violence against her, but at least she knew—for the next few moments, anyway—that he would never achieve his objective.

With a final concentrated effort, Rey sealed the little hatch…

 

*****

 

Her eyes snapped open and the first thing she saw was Ben. Still seized by the emotions of the memory and the overwhelming despair of thinking him dead, Rey sobbed indelicately and lurched off to the side. Scrambling away on her hands and knees, she desperately tried to achieve some distance before the contents of her stomach forcibly expelled themselves. Somehow, she made it to a large rock not far from the pool and fell down beside it, vomiting into the soft grass. For a long time, her insides retched and heaved, even when there was nothing left to expel. The force of her misery and tears worked their way through her, leaving her empty, a shell of what she once was, broken…just like in that horrid memory.

Eventually, Ben approached her carefully from behind, resting his hand gently on her shoulder and yet still causing her to flinch violently in surprise. Her face was pressed against the cool rock, her body wrung out and exhausted beyond reason. It was only a memory, and yet she’d _felt_ it, every blow, every agony… It had felt so real. And somewhere in her tortured thoughts, she realized she had to acknowledge that it _was_ real.

So unprepared to deal with any of this, Rey whimpered pathetically when Ben spoke her name and moaned in feeble protest when he pulled her into his embrace. She clung to him, to his very _alive_ strength when he lifted her into his arms, carrying her delicately to the land speeder awaiting them. She curled down into the seat where he deposited her, drawing her knees protectively to her chest.

She was vaguely aware of several things: the darkness that had fallen around them—when had _that_ happened?—the impossibly fast passage of the landscape as they sped past back to Floxton, the bloodied and split state of his knuckles as they gripped the speeder’s controls— _how_ had that happened? But she wasn’t able to bring herself to actually look at Ben. The bond was closed, she could tell, and there was still much swirling around in her head and her emotions that she couldn’t sort out, but she knew guilt was among them. Guilt over what she had done to him, the pain she caused him, was _still_ causing him, and she simply couldn’t bear to look at him.

At last reaching their luxurious hotel, Rey shuddered and whimpered softly at all the people clustered beneath the brightly lit porte-cochere. Ben, however, as she knew he always would, came to her rescue, promptly gathering her into his strong arms and lifting her from the vehicle. Burying her face against his chest and shutting her eyes tight to block everything else from her consciousness, she could just imagine the fierce look on his face that would inhibit anyone from staring at this odd sight for long, much less actually daring to impede their progress.

Before she even realized he had come to a stop, the rumble of his voice against her cheek inside his chest startled Rey, and she flinched before she understood he wasn’t speaking to her.

“Do you need a doctor, Mr. Elson?” Rey heard, having to take an extra moment before she remembered that was their false name here: Sibar and Gaina Elson.

“No, it’s only a sprained ankle and I’ll take care her myself,” Ben’s voice rumbled again. “But I need that med kit right away. And some hot broth.”

“Of course, sir. I’ll have it dispatched to your suite immediately.”

“And get that speeder returned.”

“Of course, sir. And may I offer my wishes for your wife’s quick recovery.”

Rather than responding this time, Ben merely grunted and Rey felt him get moving again. When at last they reached their suite, he took her straight to her bedroom, settling her gently onto her bed and folding the fluffy comforter over top of her. He knelt down beside her, his hand resting tenderly on her head, and Rey looked up into his eyes before she thought better of it.

The pain she’d been working so hard to manage ever since that wretched memory assaulted her came flooding back and fresh tears filled her eyes. She closed her eyes swiftly, but more tears eked their way onto her cheeks when Ben gently kissed her forehead and murmured that he would be right back.

Although she didn’t realize it at the time, she must have fallen asleep. Jolted awake with a small cry, the lingering image of Hux—the man she’d once thought she loved—hovered over her with a sickening leer as he did his best to hurt her. It was dark and far too quiet in the room, and Rey felt her heart pounding relentlessly inside her chest as she cried out feebly then with greater desperation for Ben.

He was there in an instant, reaching for her hands and whispering words of reassurance. She nodded, taking deep breaths to work through her disorientation and calm herself. He smoothed her hair back from her face, and the expression of deep concern in his eyes rent her heart in two. Batting his hands aside, she lurched herself bodily into his arms, a pathetic plea of, “Hold me,” groaning its way from her throat.

“Of course,” he murmured, his arms encircling her firmly. “Always.”

They remained there for a time, Rey tucked close on his lap as he gently rocked her, a low hum occasionally emanating from his throat that she found oddly soothing. Eventually, she lifted her head from his shoulder and he responded immediately.

“What do you need?” he asked her anxiously.

She almost smiled at his absolute deference to her, but instead she shook her head slightly. “I need to see your hands.”

He frowned as she maneuvered herself off his lap to sit next to him, then peered down through the darkness toward his mangled knuckles. With an impatient sigh, she reached over to switch on a solitary lamp then sucked in a narrow breath as she clearly saw the damage.

“What did you do?” she breathed in astonishment.

“I… I hit trees.”

She frowned again, not needing to ask when or why he had done such a foolish thing.

“Hey,” he said with a roguish attempt at humor, “it’s an improvement. I used to use a lightsaber.”

Rey’s eyes widened as she imagined him taking out a temper tantrum on trees with a lightsaber and wondered if had ever actually done such a thing. Based on the evidence before her, she ventured to guess, yes.

Without a word, she settled her palm over his ravaged knuckles, but he flinched, attempting to extract his hand from her grip.

“I can do that,” he objected.

“Then why haven’t you?” she shot back.

“I’ve…been worried about other things.”

She gazed upon him in gentle sorrow, knowing full well he’d had no room in his mind for thinking about himself, not since seeing that memory.

“Let me do this, Ben,” she murmured softly, her face bowed low. “Please.”

He didn’t respond, but his hand settled back into hers, wordlessly relinquishing control to her, and she promptly closed her eyes. Focusing the Force into her palm, she directed the healing energy that she instinctively knew how to access and deployed it into Ben’s knuckles. She pictured the dried blood, torn flesh, and exposed bone righting themselves, rearranging back into their usual configuration such that, by the time she lifted her hand from his, she had already seen his flesh fully restored. Repeating the process for his other hand, she then sat quietly, her own hands folded uncertainly in her lap as she struggled to know what to do next.

“Are you hungry?” he asked at last.

Abruptly recalling the promise of hot broth, she nodded, then he did too.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, rising, but Rey swiftly reached out and touched his wrist, just as quickly withdrawing.

“No,” she said, her gaze focused on his hand for some reason. “I’ll come with you. I want to feel more like myself.”

Without questioning the strange idea that leaving a dark bedroom would help her feel more like herself, he merely stood aside to give her room to rise from the bed. She followed him out into the sitting room lit by the lights of the city beyond the broad windows. The broth—surely cold by now—sat on an ornate tray on an ornate table off to the side of the room. Without a word, Ben went to it and hovered his hand over the bowl and Rey knew he was warming the broth. But by the time she sat there, staring into the translucent liquid, she realized she couldn’t eat it. There was too much else to say.

“Did you experience everything I did?” she asked softly, unable to meet his gaze.

He nodded, clearly needing no context for her question to know she meant the memory she had released.

“Thoughts, too?”

Again he nodded, and her head bowed lower, having feared just that.

“I’m sorry, Ben,” she whispered softly. “I’m sorry I asked you to see that with me.”

“No, I…” She listened to him take a long, deep, careful breath. “I needed to know.”

“She loved you,” Rey said impulsively, causing Ben’s eyes to flood instantly with tears as he turned his face out toward the city beyond the plate glass windows. “She loved you with everything she was. You felt that, right?”

He nodded, but Rey kept going, feeling she had to get all of her thoughts out now, before she lost her nerve.

“She had the same regrets you do, and more. You both spent all that time beating yourselves up for something neither of you could have anticipated. Do you see that?”

Again, he nodded.

“So, can you let go of your guilt now?” she pressed.

“You know, you’re amazing,” Ben said suddenly, his voice awe-struck but not without some small measure of hostility as he shook his head and scoffed softly. “What we just saw…and you’re worried about _me_?”

Rey hung her head, her cheeks flushing pink, muttering defensively, “I need to know you’ll be okay.”

“Without you,” he stated flatly, the hostility growing now. “You need to know I’ll be okay without you.”

She nodded silently, her affirmation of his supposition resulting in a hard stare that expressed all his pent up frustrations.

“I’ll be okay when you’re _with_ me,” he growled roughly.

With an effort, Rey held onto her equanimity, replying calmly, “I can’t do that, Ben.”

“Why?” he spat, quickly losing his own control. “Because you _think_ you know how I feel better than I do? Or how I _will_ feel years from now?”

“No, because I’m not good for you!” she erupted suddenly, her fists clenched hard on the table, the surface of the broth rippling with the force of her emotions as she sped along in her rant. “I put you at risk! I put the _kids_ at risk! I’ve led the Empire straight to you twice now. I won’t chance that anymore. Didn’t you feel that she thought she was responsible for your death? Did you feel what that _did_ to her? What it would do to _me_?”

“What do you think it does to me knowing _that_ happened to you?” he retorted instantly with equal vehemence, one arm flinging out in a rigid point that clearly indicated the memory they had experienced. “That it might _not_ have happened if I’d gone with you to Coruscant? That that… _animal_ beat you and abused you and took what was _mine_? And you expect me to go on my merry way, never knowing if he got his hands on you again? To have no part in keeping you safe? You can’t ask that of me, Rey! You just can’t! I’m not strong enough for that!”

His voice cracked at the last and he stared at her, torn between simultaneous anger and despair. And Rey just stared back, her own breath heaving through her chest just as harshly as his, not having any idea how to resolve this impasse. Ben sighed on a gruff exhale abruptly and shoved himself away from the table, away from her. Weary, disheartened, Rey slowly cradled her face in her hands, both set low on the table’s surface. After a long, awkward silence, he spoke again, his voice low, hesitant.

“I need— I need to go.”

Rey lifted her head, alarm instantly spiking in her mind, remembering the last time he’d needed to get away from her.

“I won’t drink,” he assured her quickly, his body, hands, and eyes unable to rest in any one place for long. “I just need…” He sighed forcibly. “I need to run. I need to get rid of some of this…” He grunted, not knowing exactly what it was he was trying to accomplish.

Rey nodded, understanding his compulsion and having no inclination to impede it.

“I will be back,” he vowed firmly. “I swear I will, Rey. Please just…stay here. Okay? Please?”

She nodded silently, knowing she harbored absolutely no interest in going out anywhere anyway. With only the briefest additional hesitation, he walked through the door and closed it softly but firmly behind him.

Alone, Rey exhaled harshly and rubbed her face vigorously. Forsaking the broth, which was probably cold again by now anyway, Rey made her way into the fresher, somehow managing to clean herself without ever looking at her naked body and touching it as little as possible. Images and sensations from the memory continued to assault her, of Hux’s abuse and rape, of the feeling of utter hopelessness he’d engendered in her so thoroughly. And she wished Ben were there to comfort her, to help her forget those images and emotions.

Pulling on the nearest-to-clean tunic and leggings she had, she crawled back into the mussed bed and lay painfully awake, listening and waiting for Ben to return. When at last she heard the door open and the ponderous fall of his footsteps, she breathed a deep breath of relief. She listened attentively, unmoving beneath the mound of luxurious blankets, as he entered the fresher off his bedroom and ran the bathing unit. At first, she tried not to imagine the water running over his body, but soon decided it was preferable to the images that had been assaulting her in the darkness of her closed eyes until then.

When the running water stopped, she imagined him drying himself, dressing, and climbing into his bed, probably in for as sleepless of a night as she was. But, before she was entirely aware of what was happening, he was at her bedside, gently but insistently moving the blankets back and slipping his clothed body beneath them next to her. With tears of gratitude in her eyes, she went to him immediately, fitting herself into his side and snuggling down into the warm safety of his embrace. They held each other tight, neither of them saying anything, and they fell asleep in each other’s arms, each one comforted by the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Essential points from Rey’s recovered memory:  
> \- Hux has beaten and raped Rey repeatedly.  
> \- Rey believes Hux has killed Ben.  
> \- The Emperor has already suppressed some of Rey’s memories at least once.  
> \- In order to prevent Hux conceiving a Force-sensitive child with her, Rey destroys her own reproductive organs, sterilizing herself.  
> \- In order to prevent the Emperor from knowing what she has done, Rey blocks her own memory of this event.
> 
>  
> 
> *Deep breath.* This was a tough one. As I mentioned at the end of the last chapter, I expect this to be as dark as this fic gets. So, if you were disturbed by this and are not sure you should continue, please keep that in mind. Also, note that this chapter did influence me to change my rating back to “Explicit.”
> 
> So, another big reveal here: the cause of Rey’s sterility. We already knew Hux was a vicious ass, so that’s not really a reveal but…damn… Sometimes my imagination scares me. Originally, this chapter was only going to be the memory, but then I started picturing the immediate aftermath and knew I had to write it. I’m happy with how it turned out, though, because we’re finally starting to get a better sense of what each of them is dealing with at the prospect of parting ways. Nobody’s happy with this (not even us) so why the hell do it? Sometimes I just want to grab my characters, shake the hell out of them, and scream, “Why?! Why?!?!?”
> 
> I’m writing these notes immediately after having drafted the chapter, and I just realized I’m getting chatty here because I’m nervous. I’m very anxious about how you will receive this chapter, so please don’t keep me in suspense. Please tell me your thoughts, either good or bad (but please give the bad feedback kindly, if you would), and especially let me know if you feel it went too far.
> 
> Thank you so much for taking this journey with me, and for sticking with me with the going gets rough. I truly and genuinely appreciate every one of you, and every comment you bestow upon me. Truly, I thank you deeply from the bottom of my heart!!!
> 
> Next: The Emperor!


	23. The Emperor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After two failed attempts at reclaiming his escaped Jedi, the Emperor plots a new tactic.

The Emperor sat on his hard, cold throne in the middle of a hard, cold room. He was angry. He had indulged Hux’s ridiculous schemes one too many times, and his little pet Jedi had escaped. He’d always known that arrangement on Cholganna wasn’t enough to contain her, leaving her free to walk out any time she desired. But he’d been lulled into a false sense of security by her timidity, her reticence to do… _anything_ , and her overwhelming need to please her _husband_.

It still made him laugh, to think his manipulations of her mind had taken root _so_ well that she actually believed such ridiculous drivel, believed it to the extent that she was so fixated upon giving him the heir he desired, even though he truly could not care less about her. He didn’t even take pleasure in violating her anymore. It was just…boring.

But the Emperor needed her right where she was, feeding her Force energy into the siphon with every breath that left her body. Already, he could feel the effects of her absence. He couldn’t be more apathetic to the loss of the woman, but he needed her access to the Force, so he needed her. And he needed her returned fast.

Alone in his throne room, the Emperor mused yet again on destiny and Ben Solo’s appearance on Cholganna. Ben Solo… The erstwhile Kylo Ren, disgraced traitor of the Imperial throne. It had struck him as poetic justice that it should be his wife he’d incarcerated on Cholganna. He delighted in imagining the misery her abduction and captivity had inflicted upon this focal point of the Emperor’s very vast hatred. He’d considered, on occasion, releasing just a hint of information about her, just enough to torture Ren. But he could never decide whether it would be more damaging to the man’s emotional state to see evidence of her pain…or her contentment. He’d had her both ways, could readily release images and holovids of whatever he wished. But his indecision regarding which would hurt more stagnated him and he simply never released anything. In hindsight, he supposed it was better that way, safer. It was probably a significant factor in having kept her hidden as long as he had.

Just how _had_ Ren found her anyway? It seemed he’d pondered this very matter for far too long and with far too little to show for it. The best he could deduce was it had been the product of sheer, dumb luck. He’d made absolute certain when choosing Cholganna for Hux’s pet project that there were zero ties to Ren or any member of the Solo-Skywalker family. He’d even checked out the little Jedi’s background, what little of it there was to be had. There was no link, nothing to lead him there. So how had he found her? With all his knowledge and his power, this simple question continued to elude him. It was infuriating.

At first, it had seemed a small inconvenience. He could feel she had yet worn the bracelet that attached her to the siphon. It wasn’t as strong as the apparatus on Cholganna, but it was enough to offer him a modicum of comfort that she wasn’t entirely out of his reach. But he had grown too familiar with her particular Force energy over the years, become desensitized to it enough that he’d been unable to pinpoint her location. It was a problem he’d been working on and making some progress with when the irksome bitch had actually removed the bracelet.

And then…a miracle. A fresh source had presented itself via the bracelet, and the Emperor had known instantly exactly where to find her. Or, at least, _it_. What had taken him longer, though, was puzzling through the identity of this newcomer. He had some familiarity with Ren’s energy from his brief time on Cholganna, and he didn’t get the sense this new one was him. But it was close. The enigma of it had nagged at him for days until he’d finally made sense of it.

A child. All this time, he’d been impatiently awaiting the conception of a Force-sensitive child, and here one was, just ripe for the plucking and already grown…to some extent. How Hux’s little Jedi had managed to hide this child’s existence from him was mildly troubling, but only a Force-sensitive would activate the braceletand the Emperor had gotten enough of a taste to recognize that this one was strong. He’d enjoyed the flavor so much that he’d almost chosen to abandon his pursuit of the Jedi bitch in favor of her runt. But, in the end, his logic had won out, convincing him the known quantity was better than whatever this tantalizing new option might be.

Nevertheless, he’d had what he needed now, and dispatched a small, elite force forthwith. Their instructions were to kill every life they encountered, without discrimination. In those early days, the Emperor had known he yet retained enough strength to revive the Jedi wench, as long as she’d been dead only a few hours. He had already been on his way to Naboo, anticipating the return of his most prized possession—albeit dead—when he’d learned that something had gone wrong. Rather than the Jedi and Ren and whoever else was with them having met their fates, his elite troopers had been the ones to die. His wrath had been vast, but…unlike some of his predecessors, he wasn’t one to squander resources. Rather than losing their lives, the messengers and those responsible for the failure—as best he could tell, anyway—simply lost a limb. Thus, they could still serve the Empire, perhaps even better with such a constant reminder of the price for failure.

In the wake of that debacle of a mission, the Emperor had spent days puzzling out what had gone wrong. Clearly, he had underestimated Ren’s strength. He’d mistakenly thought the element of surprise would be sufficient to subdue him and, believing him to be the only active Force-user in residence, had warned his troops accordingly. He’d known for a fact that the Jedi had not yet regained her access to the Force and, by his best estimates, would not do so for several months yet. He had time. This one setback, while obnoxious to say the least, would not be his downfall.

Nevertheless, the utter lack of clues as to the fugitives’ whereabouts in the wake of Naboo had been increasingly infuriating. The Emperor had even, on more that one occasion, nearly violated his own rule of not murdering his subordinates, so great had his fury become. When, at last, by some quirk of destiny he couldn’t deign to understand, Ren’s location had come up on Corellia—of all places, _Corellia!_ —he had vowed not to squander the opportunity.

Having learned from his past error, the Emperor chose to move cautiously and slowly this time…though not _too_ slowly. Once the notification had been received that Ben Solo’s finger scan had shown up in Coronet City, he had ordered the vendor most closely associated with the event detained. A barkeeper called only Roy, he had readily given up the alias of Ghrikk Dymos, which had in turn led his investigators to one Dorn Thul. The merchant of rather shady reputation had provided not only an address Ren had rented for cash upfront, but also that he was accompanied by a young woman. Though details on her were sketchy at best, the Emperor had no doubt that this was Hux’s Jedi bitch.

Rather than move in on them immediately, though, he had them observed throughout the following day. Based on the high resolution holovids he’d received, revealing not only that she had been training in combat but also that Ren had provided her with a double-bladed lightsaber of her very own, the Emperor was able to reassure himself that the Force was still blind to her. He could tell from the way she trained, the way her body remained grounded by gravity like any mere mortal and how her weapon had slipped from her grip repeatedly as she tired, and it was most definitely reassuring. Furthermore, he had learned that there was no third Force-sensitive with them, which was a shame but not a devastating loss. Once he’d finally rid himself of Ren and reacquired the bothersome girl who had caused so much trouble, then he could turn his attentions toward the child.

The difficulty this time around, though, was that, by virtue of all the extra initiatives he’d undertaken over the past two months in his varied and relentless attempts to reacquire the Jedi bitch, he no longer retained enough energy for a resurrection. Which meant she would have to be taken alive. With his insight into the continued absence of her Force access, he dispatched the orders that Ren must die. He’d also provided two Force-nullifying collars—a highly exorbitant and rare commodity in this era of the Force’s near-total extinction—along with strict and very specific instructions that his collar must be affixed while he yet slept. Under no circumstances were the troopers to attempt subduing him without the aid of the collar. As for her, he was already confident that the collar would be merely a precaution, just to ensure the smooth execution of her transport. So the same precautions regarding her apprehension did not apply.

But he’d been wrong. Once again, rather than achieving any of his objectives, his troopers had gotten themselves killed. What was more perplexing was the evidence that had remained. The Corellian investigators had reported that two collars had been left behind, one intact and one destroyed, which informed the Emperor that one had indeed been attached to its intended recipient. Considering the specificity of his instructions, he could only assume that had been Ren’s collar. So, if that were the case, how could one trooper have been flung through an open window, another crushed against the wall, two had their necks snapped without _any_ external marks, and the last burned to charred dust? The Emperor knew the effects of the Force when he saw it, and the only conclusion he could reach was one that infuriated him…

She had regained her access to the Force.

This would only complicate matters, of course. Now, rather than chasing one Force-user and a clueless nobody, he was after _two_ Force-users. And very strong ones, at that. Even neglecting this aspect of the matter, he was further perplexed by the timing of it. She’d only escaped his siphon two months ago, after having been under its influence for nearly five years. How could her awareness and control of the Force energy lying dormant within her possibly have returned so quickly?

Given that this little insurrection of hers had already gone on far longer than he’d anticipated, the unexpected return of her mystical powers was a complication the Emperor was not in the least disposed to take lightly. In fact, upon deducing the meaning of the evidence left behind, he had indeed violated his personal mandate, crushing the windpipe of the hapless lieutenant who’d had the misfortune to report the news to him. He supposed, though, the man’s death had some advantage: not only did he feel marginally better afterward, but he’d witnessed the renewed determination and motivation for success that had dawned in the eyes of all witnesses to the deed. Perhaps, the Emperor pondered idly, the infamous Emperor Palpatine and his pet Darth had had the right idea all along. It was a thought that returned to him only one standard solar day later when an outwardly confident Commander presented himself with news.

“So soon?” the Emperor intoned in his silky manner, the sarcasm of his comment lost in its smooth texture.

“My lord?” his sycophant inquired, his eyebrows raised.

The Emperor merely waved his hand gracefully, aware that his impatience was getting the better of him. Steeling himself to his usual air of reserve and quiet confidence, he tried again.

“What news have you?” he asked, peering at him coldly from beneath the shadows of his deep cowl.

“We have intercepted the fugitives’ shuttle.”

“I see,” he answered slowly, despite that his anticipation was suddenly rearing impatiently inside him. “And is this the extent of your report?”

“Not at all, my lord,” the cocky young man answered, even daring to let a hint of a grin escape. “While the fugitives themselves were not aboard, another individual was. And, though he insists the shuttle is his own, both Imperial and Corellian records disagree.”

When he paused yet again, the Emperor sighed in annoyance. “Do not force me to drag this from you, Commander,” he rasped gutturally, adding a slight pressure at the man’s throat simply to remind him with whom he toyed.

“My lord,” he acquiesced promptly with a smart bow. “It is my belief that the fugitives have commandeered this man’s ship and that, by tracking it, we may locate them. It was last reported on Galea, docked at Floxton.”

The Emperor remained silent for a long stretch, enjoying the effect this simple tactic had on the young officer. The longer the silence endured, the more the man fidgeted, fingers twisting and throat bobbing as he attempted to retain his composure.

“I see, Commander. And you have confirmed this… _belief_ of yours?”

“No, my lord. I ventured to guess you might appreciate the opportunity yourself.”

Without delay, the Commander turned aside, gesturing sharply to one of the door guards and turning back to grin smugly. Biting back his annoyance, the Emperor dragged his gaze off the young officer to find a tall man with an oblong head and small sunken face admitted to his throne room. And the Emperor was well aware that the satisfied smirk twisting his lips at the sight of this man did not escape the Commander’s notice.

It was well known throughout the Imperial military ranks that the Emperor truly enjoyed interrogation. What was less commonly known, however, was that he had once avoided it, absenting himself whenever circumstances required such tactics. He’d simply had no stomach for it, finding the mess of it all distinctly distasteful and the screaming simply annoying. But, eventually, the time had come when his team of torturers had been unable to glean the needed information, and it seemed the only way forward was through the Force.

With disguised reluctance, the Emperor had come forward, dipped his mind into that of his victim’s, and extracted the necessary data with ease. Surprised and more than a little curious, he had returned, delving inside the man’s head to see what other hidden tidbits he could find. Though nothing of great military importance, the Emperor had found the power to shred his mind and sift through the carnage to be simply intoxicating. And, the further he dug and the harder his subject resisted, the more it destroyed the hapless man, until the Emperor—simply on a whim—ventured to see if he could lead him to believe he was being devoured by ravenous rancors.

Extracting himself from the wildly screaming man’s mind, he’d watched in mute fascination as this victim writhed in pain despite that clearly nothing was happening to his body. His mind, though, overcome by the trauma of his imagined experience, soon overloaded the man’s system, and his heart gave out. He died mid-scream, having clawed out his own eyes, covered in sweat and gore.

Ever since, the Emperor had been hooked, relishing the opportunity to delve into minds and tear them apart from the inside out. He’d even learned to appreciate Ren’s fascination with the process and, not for the first time, fantasized over what it would be like to do that to him, to scour his mind with the ruthlessness he’d inflicted on countless of his own victims. Oh, he genuinely looked forward to that day. But first, in order to reach that goal, he had to be found. And so the Emperor turned his attention to the disdainful creature with the pale blue skin.

“As I have already explained countless times, that is _my_ shuttle and I do not appreciate—”

The odd-looking man’s haughty voice halted mid-stride. The Emperor, entirely unappreciative of being addressed so informally, not to mention disrespectfully, had gripped him with the Force, efficiently squeezing the capacity for speech from his body in an instant.

“And I,” he intoned gravely, smoothly gaining his feet to advance upon the blue man, whose solid black eyes were now wide and wholly attentive, “do not appreciate your rudeness. Shall we try this again?”

Frantic, he nodded, and the Emperor released him, smirking in satisfaction as the man’s knees buckled and he fell to the floor in a fluff of rich robes. But, while he’d agreed to start over, he clearly didn’t know what to do. And, so, fearful of another misstep, he remained both silent and on the floor.

“Your name,” the Emperor prompted at last.

“Zacudd-Ami Lemerr.”

With a slight nod, the Emperor then turned his attention back to the Commander, who promptly explained, “My lord, Lemerr’s shuttle was docked on Corellia under the name of Ghrikk Dymos.”

“I don’t know who that is!” Lemerr immediately volunteered, although at a look from the Commander and a slow turning of the Emperor’s head, he clearly thought better of this.

“Another ship was registered under Lemerr’s name, and that ship is now on Galea.”

“And you cannot explain this occurrence?” the Emperor inquired after Lemerr.

“No…my lord,” he answered shakily, clearly having picked up the proper address for the Emperor from the Commander’s example. “It makes absolutely no sense to me.”

Chuckling, the Emperor came toward Lemerr again, who promptly shrank back from him. Abruptly annoyed and impatient, he reached out and dragged him forward bodily, suspending the blue man right where he wanted him.

“Well, let’s see if we can _make_ sense of it, shall we?” he murmured disarmingly.

With that, he plunged into the man’s mind, immediately finding it easily penetrable. Almost at once, he felt the familiar pulse of Ren’s Force energy, the aura of his presence reaching like trails of light through his consciousness. Following those trails, the Emperor discovered a repository of hastily shifted facts.

“Ah, I see,” the Emperor mused. “You are a slave trader. Of course, it would amuse Ren and his bitch to take advantage of one who takes advantage of others. And, oh… Lemerr. I regret to inform you that modest shuttle to which you seem so attached is truly a downgrade from your usual transport. You have been abused most grievously, my friend, and by purported adherents to the Light, no less!”

Wiping aside Ren’s alterations with a careless wave of his hand, the Emperor promptly dropped Lemerr. His role in the matter in which he found himself embroiled suddenly clear, the slave trader’s countenance swiftly shifted from pale blue to a deep plum.

“I demand restitution!” he shouted immediately, indignant at having been forced to travel in a simple shuttle after losing the formal elegance of his yacht through a chance encounter.

With an annoyed sigh, his mind already on other matters, the Emperor slipped back into Lemerr’s simple mind and established a scenario that would play out there. Having set the course of mental events in motion, he withdrew, leaving Lemerr to his own devices.

Turning to the Commander as the purple-faced man began whimpering and shouting denials, the Emperor contemplated him thoughtfully. When the young man continually glanced toward Lemerr, however, the Emperor waved a dismissive gesture in his direction.

“I’ve given him a taste of his own profession,” he explained offhandedly. “I imagine he’s being captured and sold into slavery at this point.”

The Emperor noticed the Commander’s amused smirk, swiftly fortifying his appreciation of the man.

“Your name, Commander?”

“Vosnik, my lord.”

With a nod, the Emperor proceeded. “Ren did indeed alter this man’s mind, as I am certain you suspected. There was no awareness of the Jedi, however. Either she was not with him or Lemerr did not see her.”

“No! Please! I don’t belong here!”

The Emperor smiled a little at Lemerr’s cries, but otherwise ignored him.

“From my interrogations of the barkeeper and the merchant,” Vosnik offered, “I think it safe to assume she was present.”

“That is my feeling as well,” the Emperor concurred, leisurely making his way back to his throne. “I wonder, Commander Vosnik… Have you studied the Coronet City mission thoroughly?”

“I have, my lord,” he answered, only momentarily distracted by Lemerr writhing upon the floor, screaming.

“I suspect he is being whipped,” the Emperor commented absently with his gaze on the blue man before returning to the matter at hand. “And what is your summation?”

He hesitated, and the Emperor knew he’d placed the Commander in a difficult position. He couldn’t very well criticize the Emperor or his troopers, but neither could he put forth a less-than-truthful response. Still, he waited, eager to see how the young officer would handle the predicament.

“My lord,” he began at last, “our troopers were clearly the victims of faulty intelligence.”

The Emperor nodded thoughtfully, only the twitch of one eyebrow betraying his surprise. “Continue.”

“Force-users have long been the bane of the stealth troopers program,” he opined, clearly warming to the topic now. “With the various initiatives to minimize their numbers and influence, this challenge has been minimized to the extent that few troopers in the program have any experience facing—and even fewer defeating—Force-users.”

The Emperor, of course, knew all this to be true. What it didn’t address, though, was the Commander’s reference to faulty intelligence. As though perceiving the bent of the Emperor’s thoughts, he suddenly resumed his narrative with exactly that point while managing to minimize his distraction by Lemerr’s agonized weeping.

“The evidence left in the wake of the incident suggests that the solitary Force-user, for which the troopers had been prepared, had indeed been properly subdued. But there was no intelligence of a second Force-user.”

“What leads you to conclude there was a second?”

“The intact collar, my lord. As well as the fact that all five troopers died within minutes of one another by our coroners’ estimation. Given their positions and the means of their deaths, only a Force-user could achieve such a feat.”

“I see,” the Emperor mused pensively, liking this Commander all the more. “And what do you conclude from these facts?”

“My lord, our most accomplished troops have now attempted and failed to apprehend and annihilate these fugitives twice. Clearly another strategy is needed.”

The Emperor hummed once again, one finger tapping pensively upon his lips as he contemplated the young officer’s words. It was much the conclusion he himself had drawn, though he was as yet stymied by just what this new strategy could be. Having acquired some measure of interest in this Commander, the Emperor declined to request a strategy of him on the spot, knowing full well any worthy strategy would require time and careful contemplation. Although he disguised his interest in the man beneath a careful veneer of intimidation and apathy, the Emperor found he truly desired to learn what he was capable of. Before he could address the Commander, though, Lemerr started shouting and screaming again.

“No! You cannot sell me off! This is my home! My family!”

Clearly, whatever scenario his mind had contrived for him was leading him to rebel against his owners, because he began screaming in such a way as only profound torture could evoke. The Emperor imagined some portion of his anatomy had just been cut or perhaps even burned off. Ordinarily, he would have liked to dip back into the man’s mind to see what tortures he had devised for himself, but his mind truly was on other important matters and Lemerr had become little more than a nuisance.

Reaching out with his hand, the Emperor seized Lemerr by the throat and squeezed. Feeling the familiar rush of power as the sensation of his victim’s pulse pushed against his fingers, he pondered as he always did when squeezing the life from a man that this was how Ren must have always felt. He grinned viciously, recognizing the affinity he now had for the traitorous Force-user, an understanding he’d never possessed before. He looked forward to the day when he could look into his eyes, just as he was with Lemerr right now, and watch the life fade from them. Oh, he dreamed of that day…

But, today, Lemerr was simply in the way of that objective. So he quickly dispatched him, flung his body carelessly aside, and gestured that his guards should dispose of it promptly before any of the inevitable fluids might leak out onto his pristine floor. With an annoyed sigh, he turned his attention back to the Commander.

“Where were we?” the Emperor wondered nonchalantly.

Unperturbed, Vosnik promptly answered, “A new strategy.”

“Ah, yes. Tell me, Commander… How would you proceed?”

“First,” he responded smartly, his spine straightening and his countenance brightening in such a way that the Emperor understood he’d hoped for exactly this chance to shine. “I would confirm the presence of Lemerr’s ship on Galea.”

“Do you really think that likely, Commander? That Ren should be so foolish as to not rid himself of that ship immediately?”

“No, my lord. But, if its location were confirmed on Galea, the docking protocol there may provide additional information regarding his activities. And if we can locate the ship itself, wherever it may be, the on-board computer may be able to reveal even more.”

“And how could all this excess of information possibly serve my needs, Commander?”

“That is impossible to speculate, my lord, until we have such information. But my hope is that it will provide us with the means of identifying that other strategy we discussed.”

Unconvinced, the Emperor pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes.

“Allow me to point out a few speculative examples, my lord. The information from these sources could provide us with aliases, accomplices, or destinations of import to the fugitives. Aliases alone would permit us to track their movements in Floxton or anywhere else they may have ventured. Any one of these investigative threads could lead us to comms records that could indicate places or persons we might exploit in weakening their position. Truly, my lord, the possibilities are endless, but it must begin with the intelligence.”

The Emperor nodded slowly, the Commander’s point regarding persons of interest ringing especially loudly in his thoughts. With a sharp gesture, he commanded the room emptied, waiting as his guards responded appropriately by vacating the throne room. Vosnik, his head turning curiously as he observed the abrupt activity, remained rooted in place until the Emperor leisurely beckoned him forward with a gesture.

“There is a child,” the Emperor murmured, having chosen to take this enterprising young man into his closest confidences.

“A child?” he repeated, astonished. “Of the fugitives?”

“I believe, yes, though the child is not with them now, it would seem.”

The Emperor observed as Vosnik’s gaze turned aside, his mind clearly churning swiftly. “If we could locate and obtain this child… Is the child Force-sensitive?”

“Yes,” the Emperor responded grimly, knowing this presented problems.

“But, still, a child,” Vosnik swiftly interjected. “Children are easily manipulated, my lord. It may be far easier to acquire the child than the Jedi has proven.”

“And, of what advantage might that prove, Commander?”

A slow, vicious leer spread across Vosnik’s face, and the Emperor found himself mirroring the expression.

“My lord… With the child in our possession, we would no longer be forced to pursue the fugitives. They would come to us!”

The Emperor pondered the matter, though the leer he had acquired from Vosnik never entirely left his face. Finally, his decision made, he nodded.

“Commander Vosnik, you are hereby on special assignment to pursue information pertinent to the apprehension of this child…or any other information that might lead to the apprehension of the fugitives known variously as Kylo Ren, Ben Solo, and Ghrikk Dymos, and his companion, the Jedi known as Rey. You are to report directly and exclusively to Supreme Leader Hux, and all available resources are hereby at your disposal.”

Beaming, the Commander executed a sharp salute and a brisk, “My lord!”

“Success shall be met with great reward,” the Emperor continued. “Failure shall be met with death.”

To the Emperor’s surprise, the Commander again saluted smartly. “As it should be, my lord!”

And he grinned, filled with optimism for this new focus of his endeavors and expecting great things of this young Commander.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At last, the mysterious unknown Emperor. Hmm… What do you think?
> 
> I will be home from vacation in a couple days, and then back to finish up this story. I don’t have the next chapter drafted yet, though, so I might need an extra day or two before posting again. I also don’t have a title to tease you with at this point for that reason, so bollocks for that. :(
> 
> I’ve loved reading your comments and responses to my updates during my vacation, and responding to each and every one of them will be one of my projects once I’m home again. Thank you for giving me something to mysteriously smile, laugh, and even sometimes get teary-eyed over while staring at my tablet, causing my husband and children to ask me on more than one occasion, “What are you reading?” You all are the best!!!


	24. All Alone in a Crowd of Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben takes Rey to get her new ID and some practice with ship repairs, meeting some old friends in the process.

Ben opened his eyes reluctantly, knowing that, once he did, reality would necessarily invade on the bliss that it was to linger in bed holding Rey tight. They were both fully clothed, which Ben was actually grateful for, making it easier both to refrain from assaulting her in order to satiate his constant need for her, and to carefully extricate himself from her unconscious embrace. Unfortunately, it did nothing for the rending of his heart as he did so. Other than delaying that moment, his only indulgence was to take a moment simply watching her, memorizing the lines of her face so peaceful in sleep, and preserving the image in his mind so completely that he would be able to recall it at will for years to come.

With a soft, regretful sigh, Ben reached out and carefully nudged Rey’s shoulder. She woke instantly, as if she’d been awaiting the summons to wakefulness, inhaling sharply and blinking repeatedly.

“What happened?” she asked blearily, and Ben stifled a sigh as well as the tone of bitter regret as he answered quite truthfully.

“Nothing. But we need to get going.”

“Going? Going where?”

“To get your new identification.”

“Oh,” she answered, rubbing at her face as she sat upright at the edge of the bed. “What should I wear?”

Ben pondered for a moment and, considering where they were headed, he supposed it really didn’t matter. “Whatever you want. But pack for a couple days.”

With that, he retreated to his own bedroom, both to give her privacy to dress and to indulge in a moment of unmitigated anguish. He was trying. The maker and all the stars in the galaxy knew he was trying, but he just didn’t know how he could let her go…

Shaking the weakness from his mind, he focused on the task at hand. Soon enough, Rey was emerging from her bedroom, dressed in her Corellian finery and ready to go. Ben experienced a moment of regret that she hadn’t chosen the purple dress, but he supposed the more practical tunic and utility pants were a better choice for today’s travels. He wondered, though, if the dress was among her things in the pack she carried.

Shoving the thought impatiently from his mind, he fixed a smile that felt distastefully artificial on his face and grabbed her hand before emerging from their suite and into the distastefully artificial world of Floxton. Without incident, they were settled into the shiny, sleep spaceyacht they had acquired on Corellia and streaking toward the distant stars. Only once he had set the nav computer and they had lurched into hyperspace did Rey venture to speak again.

“Where are we going?”

“Dabos,” Ben responded without turning to look at her. “It’s in the outer reaches of this system, so it won’t take long to get there.”

From the corner of his eye, Ben saw her nod. He struggled with what else to say to her, feeling that pretty much everything that came to mind was probably something he should _not_ say. Like _I love you_. Or _Please stay with me_. Or _I’m going to murder Hux a thousand times over for hurting you_. So, wisely — or perhaps stupidly — he remained silent. Eventually, Rey clearly tired of the awkward silence and, with a small, almost inaudible sigh, she rose and retreated from the cockpit. Bowing his head low, Ben grit his teeth and allowed himself one solid hit of his fist against the bulkhead. The tears he steadfastly refused, though.

When the ship came out of hyperspace, Ben looked down on the dingy, grey planet and headed straight for the coordinates he needed even before checking the nav computer. Quite accustomed to the proper procedure, he set to making wide, repeating sweeps of what appeared to be a barren wasteland of permanently frosted ground. Most likely alerted by the repetitive motions he was taking the ship through, Rey reappeared about the fifth time he swept over the same stretch of land. She watched silently for a time, then finally sat in the copilot’s seat.

“What are you doing?”

“Waiting,” Ben answered cryptically.

She gave him a look that was probably either one of irritation or curiosity — he couldn’t be sure since he kept his eyes on the barren field rather than the object of his most ardent desires and agonizing pain — but otherwise remained silent. Knowing this could take awhile, Ben approached the procedure with patience, but the sustained silence from Rey was getting to him. By the time the comms came to life, Ben was about ready to just land the ship, protocol be damned.

“Hey there!” came the jovial and entirely unprofessional hail. “Doing laps?”

Stifling his annoyed outburst of _Finally!_ , Ben responded promptly and in the same informal manner, “Nah, just looking for something.”

Despite himself, Ben’s eyes strayed toward Rey and he caught her expression of confusion. He had to admit, this process probably seemed very strange to her. It had seemed strange to him the first time he’d done it. But it had proven effective, so he was willing to accept its oddity and move on.

“Not much here to find,” came the entirely bored reply.

“Actually, I’m looking for a princess.”

“Ah, you’re too late. The princess is dead.”

That line always tugged at him, but Ben did his best to ignore it as he dutifully responded, “The princess will never die as long as we keep her alive.”

For the first time, his transmission was greeted with silence. Rey looked at him sharply, a question in her eyes though she held her tongue since the comms were still active. Shaking his head slightly, he gave her a gesture that said, _Don’t worry. This is normal._ And, indeed, a moment later, the same voice came back but with an entirely different demeanor now.

“You are cleared to land at the transmitted coordinates,” the voice informed them, his tone dripping with military efficiency now. “All occupants are required to remain on the craft until you are escorted into the facility. An official will greet you in the docking bay. Respond.”

“Understood.”

Quickly switching off the comms, Ben immediately set himself about checking the referenced coordinates and navigating the ship in that direction, which took him further afield than he remembered. After some time, Rey seemed to have had enough of the silence.

“What was that all about?”

“Security measures.”

Rey frowned but returned to her silence. Rather than pursue the awkward and forced conversation that seemed to be the extent of their repertoire now, Ben focused his attention through the viewport, studying the landing personnel and awaiting the summons from a deck officer. When at last the cursory check of the ship had been completed, Ben promptly returned the nod he received through the glass and muttered for Rey to come with him.

Upon the first opening of the gangplank, Ben was instantly reminded of just how cold Dabos was. Glancing back at Rey and seeing her shiver, he quickly instructed her on how to raise her core temperature so she could handle the cold until they could acquire the appropriate outerwear. Seeing her tightly clasped arms easing about her body, he turned his attention to the impatiently awaiting officer.

He ran through the required security check efficiently, noting but largely ignoring the surprised look Rey shot him when he gave their real names. He also noted the young officer’s recognition of his name and silently thanked for her maintaining her discretion, rather than fawning over him as the legendary general’s son, as had happened on more than one occasion. Soon enough, they were released from the gentle interrogation, all the procedures Ben recalled from his previous trips here still in place.

Plucking briefly at Rey’s sleeve, he noticed the overwhelmed look in her eye but didn’t know what to do about it, so he just kept moving in the direction he knew they needed. To his surprise, though, she piped up once they entered a long and sparsely populated corridor.

“What did she mean, contributing to the community?”

“Beyond the necessary security measures, this is an open facility and anyone who wants to stay is welcome to in exchange for making contributions to the sustainability of the facility and its inhabitants. That can mean security, construction, farming, tailoring…all kinds of things.”

When Ben glanced back along the corridor, he found her nodding thoughtfully, but her expression soured as she shot him a look.

“But you don’t have to?”

His steps faltered as he perceived her meaning, that she assumed he was above that requirement simply because of either his parentage or his past. Or both. Annoyed but stifling the instinct, he answered evenly.

“No, I don’t have to, and neither do you. But only because we’re planning to be here less than three days. If we were staying longer, yes, we’d be required to pull our fair share.”

Ben didn’t bother to look back at her, preferring to assume she wore some appropriate expression of duly deserved humbleness rather than discover he was wrong. Briefly and with deep frustration, he wondered how yesterday’s events had led them to this stance of awkwardness between them that almost bordered on hostility. He certainly didn’t like it, but he also wasn’t particularly inclined to remedy it either. Frankly, he was just exhausted. After so long fighting for what he wanted, discovering he wasn’t going to get it, and yet continuing to hang around with the very embodiment of what he desired most and couldn’t have, he was simply drained of hope, of drive, of anything that would permit him to respond to her underlying hostility with anything other than a measure of his own. He was simply too heartsick to care anymore.

Almost…

“Ben Solo!”

The raucous shout from across the crowded mess hall was actually a very welcome distraction from his thoughts, and Ben even found himself smiling as he scanned the crowd for the familiar face. Of course, his eyes fell first on the mountainous Wookie who stood bellowing at him in a manner that had Rey instinctively cringing at his side. His smile broadening, he listened for the anticipated and impatient demand of “Up!” that rewarded him with his first sight of Maz as Chewie lifted her onto his shoulder.

The intervening crowd parted readily, clearly comprised of individuals who knew better than to stand in an excited Wookie’s way. Soon enough, Ben found himself wrapped in the furry arms he remembered so well from his childhood, Chewie’s rumbly voice admonishing him for being out of contact for so long. Before he could answer, though, Maz — who had somehow managed to return to the floor — was pulling him forcefully down to her level. Rather than embrace him as Chewie had done, she promptly seized his face between her palms and gaze intently into his face. He instantly saw the melancholy understanding there, and knew she knew, without any words having passed between them. With a subtle nod, Ben turned to look up at Rey, inviting her through his gesture to join him in kneeling before Maz.

“Rey,” he said formally, some corner of his mind registering just how absurd this truly was, considering these two women’s lengthy and close history, “this is Maz Kanata.”

They clasped hands and exchanged pleasantries, and Ben was relieved that Maz didn’t utter any of her usual uncanny observations, knowing Rey certainly wouldn’t appreciate whatever the diminutive intuitive perceived in the Force-user’s eyes. He continued the introductions with Chewbacca, and all three of them were surprised to find that Rey could understand at least a modicum of his grumbly language. Before any of them could ponder the possible significance of this discovery, however, another joyful shout interrupted them.

“Rey!”

Turning sharply, Ben saw a moment of pure light when Rey suddenly beamed in genuine surprise and happiness an instant before she was caught in a hug by an onrushing force. Although he recognized Poe instantly and knew his heart and attentions were securely occupied elsewhere, he couldn’t entirely thwart the instinct of jealousy that gripped him at the sight. Especially when she laughed, kissed Poe on his cheek, and expressed how happy she was to see him. Tamping down the emotions that once would have set him on wholly inappropriate and really quite embarrassing paths of wanton destruction, Ben merely watched and even smiled a little as his friend turned toward him with his wife’s hand gripped in his own.

“My turn,” he announced gleefully as he tugged Rey away from him.

Stifling both a grunt of disapproval and a nod for the opposite, Ben just averted his gaze downward, catching only a glimpse of the uncertainty that escaped from Rey’s face as Poe tugged inexorably at her hand. When he looked up again in sudden recollection, he found her trotting off with him quite contentedly.

“Hey!” he shouted after his friend and former enemy. “Get her an overcoat!”

Poe turned back with his hand lifted in a thumbs-up gesture and shouted back, “Will do!” before they were entirely gone.

With a laden sigh, Ben turned back to Maz and Chewie, finding the pair of them had made their way to a nearby table, the former settled on the table itself rather than an accompanying chair. Biting back yet another sigh, Ben took a space equidistant between her and the Wookie.

“You know,” he stated succinctly.

“Yes,” Maz agreed immediately. “Poe explained about Rey’s loss of memory when he arrived.”

Ben grunted with a nod. “He doesn’t know all of it, though. It’s gone, Maz. All of it. Everything she was…there’s no getting it back.”

“Bullshit.”

Surprised, he looked into her magnified eyes.

“That woman _is_ Rey. Some of the details may be missing, but who she is, what she stands for, the core of her being… That hasn’t changed. Surely you can’t be so blind as to miss that.”

“I’m not,” he hissed, suddenly angered by her accusatory tone. “But _she_ is.”

“Ah,” Maz murmured, rocking back on her haunches, her hands clasping about her knees as a counterbalance. “My apologizes. I perceived the stubbornness generating so much sorrow and assumed…”

Ben twisted his lips wryly at her, knowing he deserved the assumption toward his arrogant insistence on everything being precisely the way _he_ wanted it, and yet resenting it all at once.

“Ben…” Maz murmured, her perceptive gaze not missing his emotional response to her mistake. “I truly forget, sometimes, just how far you’ve come.”

Impatiently, he waved her apologize aside, needing to simply move past it now. True to form, she noted this impulse and quickly changed the topic of conversation.

“So, how are my little ones?”

Ben smiled. “Not so little anymore. They’re probably taller than you now, Maz.”

She scoffed. “Not much of a feat. When do I get to see them?”

“Actually,” he began, a sudden notion taking hold of him, “soon, perhaps. They are already showing a lot more control over the Force, and I think maybe they can handle being around more people now. Besides… I think we could probably all do with a little less isolation.”

For the first time, Chewie spoke up swiftly and forcefully, and Ben looked at him in surprise.

“He’s right,” Maz interjected before Ben could respond. “You’re not alone. Not anymore.”

“I know,” he admitted heavily, reaching out to grasp his big, furry uncle’s forearm. “I do know that. I’ve known that for a long time. But…it’s still hard to _feel_ it sometimes. Especially with…”

Ben’s voice trailed off, his gaze wandering toward the path Poe had led Rey. To his surprise and consternation, though, both Chewie and Maz began chuckling. He looked at them, lost between frowning in confusion and scowling in annoyance.

“You’re every bit as smitten as you ever were,” Maz chuckled, her diminutive hand patting his gently. “And so is she.”

Disconsolately, he shook his head. “She doesn’t deny what she feels. At least, not that she feels it. Only that she can allow it.”

“Oh, my dear, sweet, lost boy,” Maz murmured affectionately. “The depth of what she feels… She won’t be able to deny it forever. Give her time, Ben. Space. She’ll come around.”

Still gazing off after the form he most assuredly could no longer see, he grit his teeth, biting back the instinct to mutter darkly that he only hoped she’d manage to do it before someone else managed to take advantage of her solitude again.

“As much as I like to think you came just for a visit,” Maz piped up suddenly, “I know better. What do you need?”

“New identification documents,” he admitted wearily. “I burned Dymos on Corellia, and I’m on my last one now. And Rey needs them too.”

Maz sighed heavily, wearily, but also somehow good-naturedly. “Between you and Dameron, I could make a fortune off you two.”

Ben smirked, familiar with this particular complaint. “Too bad you never charge either of us.”

Maz returned his expression with one of her own that somehow managed to express both her affection and her annoyance. But then the slant of her eyes shifted, and Ben knew what was coming.

“She doesn’t plan to stay with you.”

Accustomed by long experience to Maz’s at times disturbing habit of putting facts together far too quickly, Ben declined to answer, only allowing his head to bow further into his chest to respond to her sudden insight. He heard Chewie mumble in a sympathetic tone and felt Maz scoot closer to him on the table. Her tiny hands came to rest on him — one on his head and the other on his shoulder — and he heard her voice so close to his ear.

“Oh, my dear boy,” she murmured in a heavy laden tone. “Haven’t you been through enough?”

Once again, Ben declined to answer, the greater part of his concentration focused on just preventing his falling apart right there in the middle of the refugee camp mess hall. His throat worked spasmodically in his efforts to contain his emotions, and he knew Maz understood the lengths to which he was forced to take this endeavor. And yet, nevertheless, it seemed she felt the thoughts on her mind were too urgent to be left unuttered.

“I can’t understand how the entirety of her history could simply be erased,” she spat with a soft grunt. “I simply know of nothing in the galaxy _including_ the Force that can accomplish such a feat.”

“Well,” Ben hissed after a brief silence, “if you think of a way to get her back, Maz, _do_ let me know.”

He stared at her, hard, the anger simmering beneath the surface of his demeanor being the only way he could contain what he knew he must. It had been a long, hard-won battle, learning how to repress the strength of his emotions in deference to those around him. But never, in all the years since finding and falling in love with Rey, had his strength been so sorely tested in that regard as now. But if anyone could read and comprehend the depth of his despair as well as what he had to do in order to contain it, it was Maz. And the sadness and understanding deep in her magnified eyes showed him the acceptance that he’d already known would lie there.

Indulging his rage as much as he dared for a moment longer, Ben fed upon the silent sympathy and understanding Maz fed him through her gaze. Then, as the fury threatened to give way once more into despair, he shook his head hard.

“She’ll need some experience working on ships, too,” he noted, somehow managing it without a single waver in his voice. “She plans to work as a mechanic for her income after we… Well. _After_.”

Just as he’d hoped, Chewie quickly piped up, volunteering to walk her through some repairs and teach her what he could in however long they were at the camp.

“I expect it won’t be difficult,” Ben offered, gazing up at his father’s best friend gratefully. “She still retains a lot of the instinct and knack for technology that she’d always had. She just needs some familiarity with the components and tools available.”

With Chewie’s assurance he expected it to be a wholly enjoyable endeavor, Maz changed the topic yet again.

“What about you?” she inquired. “Do you need more money yet?”

Ben sighed heavily. “I have some left, but it won’t last long. If you can spare more…”

“For you, of course, I can. I like to grumble about yours and Poe’s freebies, but my business keeps me rolling in more credits than I can ever possibly spend. I’ll put another hundred thousand in your account and set up another account for Rey with the same. On one condition…”

As grateful as Ben always was for Maz’s help, he couldn’t quite stifle the groan that escaped his throat as he imagined what her condition might be.

“I want those children here. You’ve kept them to yourself long enough.”

Relieved it hadn’t been some unobtainable objective like keeping Rey by his side, Ben smiled in relief. “Alright, Maz. Once I get home to them, I’ll discuss it with them. We’ve all planned on that all along once they were old enough, but it’ll be news to them. They’ll just need a little time to get used to the idea. Then we’ll come here.”

“To stay.”

Ben quirked his mouth in a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yes, Maz. To stay.”

She nodded, satisfied, as she patted his hand. “Your father wouldn’t want it any other way.”

Ben mirrored her gesture, knowing the truth of her words. But his eyes took on a haunted, far-off expression at the mention of Han Solo. The inquiry burned at the forefront of his mind, even though he was uncertain that he truly wanted to voice it. But, in the end, his resistance proved pointless.

“Where is she?”

Glancing anxiously between Maz and Chewie, he knew the meaning of his question was grasped by them both immediately. With a soft chuff, Chewie stood and Ben followed him. Leaving Maz behind sitting on the table, the pair moved swiftly but silently, Ben quite grateful for the Wookie’s uncanny ability to know precisely when he needed such silence.

Without quite knowing how they had arrived there, Ben found himself in the furthest corner of an enormous underground hangar. And, there, amid the darkest shadows loomed the _Milennium Falcon_. As painful as any memory of his father always was for him, this ship somehow seemed to concentrate every measure of his considerable remorse into one overwhelming point of agony in the vicinity of his heart. He’d known all along, of course, that the famous ship was here. He’d known during every visit to the camp that he could see it, but he’d always resisted. Why he suddenly felt the inescapable pull to confront his nightmares now, while in the midst of a whole other set of nightmares, was quite incomprehensible…other than to believe he simply deserved the pain.

Shaking his head slightly at the thought he knew would be met with harsh chastisement by at least a half-dozen voices in his life, Ben moved toward the gaping ramp and the darkness beyond. Suddenly, startling him so thoroughly it seemed he’d actually forgotten he remained at his side, Chewie growled out a low question.

“No,” Ben answered, his voice tight. “No, I just need some time alone.”

Chewie nodded with a mumbled purr and slowly walked away. Ben stared at the iconic ship for a long time, haunted by wisps of memory. The few moments of camaraderie he’d ever enjoyed with his father had centered on this ship and taken place when he was very small. But those good memories were always tinged by the stretches of strain and stress that surrounded them, by his father’s long absences, and by the manner of his death. Even those moments of laughter and levity that made their way through the mire of Ben’s consciousness were dampened with sadness and regret.

It wasn’t new, of course. It was always this way on the rare occasions when he didn’t immediately ban the thoughts and memories of Han Solo. The _Falcon_ had been relegated to this dark corner of a secret camp both since her age had finally caught up with her and since her many exploitsunder his father’s reckless guidance had simply rendered her too conspicuous. And yet Ben had never truly considered asking after her whereabouts on his previous visits. But now, for some reason, he welcomed her, embracing the melancholy of mounting the ramp he so clearly recalled taking many more strides to climb than it did now, mingling it with the sorrow that weighed so heavily on him that it seemed to steal his breath.

Sitting in the cockpit, Ben closed his eyes and reached for his father’s lingering presence. He thought he could sense just a trace of it, but he wasn’t entirely convinced it wasn’t merely wishful thinking on his part. And, as he thought about the man he’d barely known, Ben realized he couldn’t even wish he was there to give him advice about Rey. Everything he knew about his parents’ relationship suggested that his father would be the person least likely to offer any sound advice. And it occurred to him as his heart grew heavier that he wasn’t wishing for advice, but maybe just some understanding. His father had never been any good at giving him that when he was alive, but Ben suddenly realized he’d never been any good at asking either. Now, suddenly, perhaps for the first time, he felt ready to try…only years too late.

Startled, Ben suddenly shook himself from his stupor. Without knowing precisely what had alerted him to their presence, he spun quickly to find Poe and Rey framed in the doorway, peering silently in at him.

“See?” Poe quipped in a tone of forced levity. “I told you he’d be here!”

With a quick assessment of his demeanor and attitude, Ben composed himself and stood to face them. He recognized the tone in Poe’s voice as well as the tension on his face, both familiar indicators of his choosing light-heartedness to combat his more tempestuous mood. Rey, though, was considerably more of an enigma. He saw pain in her gaze, worry and sorrow. His instinct was to relieve it by holding her close, cloistering her away from whatever stressors she might be experiencing. But he knew _he_ was the stressor and that his instincts were all wrong as far as she was concerned. So, instead, he held himself in check, his fists clenched tight and bouncing awkwardly off his thighs as he tried to think what to do.

Interestingly, it was Rey who spoke up first, and Ben somehow understood she was gripped by the same awkwardness he felt.

“I didn’t know how to find you,” she sputtered quickly. “I could tell… I was w—” She sighed harshly at her stumbling thoughts. “I’m sorry we disturbed you.”

Suddenly understanding what was going on, Ben reached inside and found he’d let the bond between them slip open the tiniest bit. Closing it tightly again, he noticed her brow pinch and momentarily wondered if she had preferred it open. Admonishing himself for more wishful thinking, he shook his head.

“No,” he insisted, negating her apology. “No, there are more important things to attend to.”

He gestured toward them both, prompting them to exit the cockpit ahead of him. To his regret but not really surprise, Ben saw Chewie emerge from the shadows as they descended the ship’s ramp.Knowing he was off kilter and that he would need to make it up to his friends somehow later on, Ben merely turned his attention to the matter at hand.

“Chewie is going to work with you on ship repair,” Ben explained to Rey, watching her eyes widen in surprise. “It’s not glamorous, but it will provide you with a comfortable living.”

“No!” she responded quickly, her gaze widening further. “No, this is…great! I’m excited to try this. I’ve always wanted to!”

Both Chewie and Poe bowed their faces toward their feet, and Ben knew all too well the thoughts roaring through their minds. She has spent the better part of her life working on ships and vehicles and droids and such. To watch this woman they all knew so well get excited about trying something she had always done… It was strange, to say the least.

With a gruff rumble that Ben suspected was harsher than he’d intended, Chewie expressed his enthusiasm for teaching her. Having forgotten this little potential snafu, Ben turned to her swiftly.

“Can you understand him?”

Rey frowned, confused. “Of course, I can.”

Chewie growled out to Ben that she had always understood him and he nodded, accepting the chastisement. But Rey, for her part, turned suddenly to the towering Wookie.

“I knew you before, didn’t I?”

For an instant, Ben felt hope flare hot and bright in his heart, thinking Rey had somehow remembered Chewie. But it died quickly as reason quickly returned to him. Recognizing her words to be a question more than a statement, he nodded as he shuffled his feet over the grimy floor.

“Maz, too?”

Ben bobbed his head in another laden nod. A brief silence greeted this revelation then she said quite softly, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He looked up in surprise at the tone of sadness in her voice.

“I thought…” He cleared his throat, trying again. “I thought you would prefer it this way.”

She stared at him, her face open and gentle, so beautiful that Ben couldn’t take it for long. He turned away, not quite knowing what to make of her reaction or the way she was looking at him, knowing only that he ached to hold her, to weep into her hair and beg her not to leave him. He felt more than heard her step toward him, his name on her lips, and he shook his head viciously.

“You’re in good hands with Chewie,” he stated abruptly, cutting off whatever she’d had in mind to say.

From the corner of his eye, he saw her hesitate for a moment, then step back from him, her shoulders slumping. Clearly coming to his rescue, Chewie chuffed softly, encouraging Rey to come along with him. Even though he’d checked it twice in the span of his last heartbeat only to find the bond securely closed, Ben nevertheless felt Rey’s hesitation as she reluctantly followed the Wookie away from the _Falcon_.

“Wait,” she said suddenly, turning back to him once again. “How do I find you?”

Stubbornly and angrily, Ben bit back a sharp retort that rose powerfully bright in his mind, snidely wondering why she should wish to find him. Instead, he met her gaze for only an instant before he was forced to focus on her ear or chin.

“The bond.”

“I don’t know how—”

“Just push against it, Rey,” he explained, not altogether successful at stifling his weariness. “You don’t need to open it. Push and I’ll know you’re looking for me. I’ll find you.”

She didn’t respond, but he could feel her hesitating again. Unable to resist the temptation, he glanced briefly into her eyes once more and found deep sadness there. Anger flaring yet again, he turned sharply away. A moment later, mercifully, Rey and Chewie departed. But Poe was still there.

“What the hell is going on?” he hissed under his breath.

Ben shook his head sharply, leading Poe back up into the _Falcon_ and hitting the control to close the gangplank, trying hard not to think of the time long ago on Crait when Rey had shut him out that way. He stomped angrily through his father’s ship, his feet falling heavily and relentlessly in his angst. It wasn’t until he reached the Lounge that he made some concession to his following friend. And, even then, it was to commence pacing in a tightly confined area.

“Her memories are gone,” Ben snapped, not bothering to keep his voice down.

“Yeah, I know that,” Poe responded coolly, taking a seat slowly and cautiously at the Dejarik table.

“No, I mean they’re _gone_. Never coming back. They’re not blocked; they just don’t exist.”

Poe frowned. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve been in her mind, Dameron. I’m as sure as I can be.”

“Oh, Ben… No wonder you’re so cranky. I thought it was just your usual charm.”

Ben spared him a dark scowl and didn’t miss the smirk that Poe tried to hide in recognition of having irked him. Poe had been the last holdout against him, the most determined to hold onto his mistrust and dislike of the former Kylo Ren after Rey had tamed him. His friendship had been hard won, even more so than Finn’s, though Ben hadn’t thought such a thing was possible at that point. But, once it had been established, it was a steadfast as the others’ and Ben knew, though Poe’s manner was considerably more aloof and at times even insulting, that Poe wanted only good things for him. And what he was going through now certainly didn’t qualify.

“So, why are you here, then?” Poe finally inquired.

Exhausted, weary, broken down, Ben slumped into the seat at the tactical station and stared despondently at his friend. The words circled in his mind and he tried to form them, but he couldn’t. He just didn’t know how to get them past his broken heart.

“IDs?” Poe questioned, to which Ben nodded.

“For her, too,” he added.

Poe frowned. “Why would she need— _Oh_ …”

Ben narrowed his eyes darkly, observing Poe piecing together the clues at last.

“She doesn’t want to stay with you.”

Hearing the words from Poe’s mouth, the rage flares furiously inside his chest and Ben strikes his fist against the control board as he rises to pace impotently some more.

“I don’t get it,” Poe objects. “She doesn’t love you?”

“No, she does. But that’s not enough.”

“I don’t get it. What about the kids?”

Ben executed an elaborate shrug, his face twisted in frustration and misery. “Feel free to ask her.”

Poe stared, incredulous, for a moment before he let loose with an expletive of his own. “How can you let her do this?”

“She has been _forced_ into every circumstance she’s ever found herself in throughout her life. Even with me. I won’t do that to her again, Poe. I can’t look her in the eye for the rest of my life and wonder if she really wants to be there. I _won’t._ ”

Ben froze, a rigid finger extended into his friend’s face as he leaned over the Dejarik table, his face as fierce and determined as his tone. Finally coming to his senses, realizing Poe’s widened gaze as Ben stared him down in a most intimidating posture, Ben sighed, his finger and forehead falling downward in utter defeat. Another deep breath, and Ben backed away completely. Then, true to his reckless standard, Poe egged him on.

“I don’t mean _force_ her. I mean, can’t you—I don’t know… _kiss_ her into submission or something?”

To his surprise, Ben felt a too-brief bubble of laughter deep inside his misery. Too small to actually produce a sound, it nevertheless caused him to peer at the pilot from the corner of his eye and shake his head in awe.

“What exactly does Finn actually see in you?” Ben wondered in an awe-filled tone.

Poe’s brilliant grin flashed momentarily. “Yeah, uh, so can’t you?”

Ben sighed again. He should have known Poe wouldn’t be deterred so easily. He sat wearily once again, suddenly wondering if his father had ever felt anything remotely like this over his mother. With how tumultuous their relationship had always been, he thought maybe he had a new way of understanding Han Solo now.

“I could,” he admitted. “It might even work. But I won’t.”

Now it was Poe’s turn to sigh. “I remember a time you were so scrupulous, my friend.”

This time, a light chuckle actually did escape Ben’s throat. “Yeah, and you didn’t call me friend, then.”

Poe wobbled his head from side to side in a waffling expression. “Semantics.”

Ben stretched a corner of his mouth into a semblance of half a smile. “Thanks, Dameron. I don’t know how you did it, but I actually feel a little better.”

“That’s what I’m always telling Finn,” he said with another of his flashy smiles, “that you and I need more time together.”

“Hah. I’m not sure how much of that I could take.”

“Yeah,” Poe agreed, still smiling. “That’s what Finn always says.”

Ben nodded, reassured that he wasn’t alone, that his family awaited him, and that they were what was important now. When Poe rose suddenly and suggested he show him the most recent additions to the camp, Ben agreed, happy to let his attention be diverted elsewhere for awhile. As he descended the gangplank, he let one hand rest upon the hydraulic support and sent a silent pulse into the Force, just in case his dad was out there somewhere, ready to receive his greeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. I’m so sorry for the delay in this update! I had so much to take care of after my vacation and, unfortunately, writing had to be a low priority. And after I’d done so well keeping up with my four-day posting schedule all through my travels! *sigh* Oh well. Good intentions, and all that…!
> 
> Thank you so much for all of your comments and thoughts on the last few chapters. I promised some of you a little bit of easing on all the heavy angst and sadness and, well, this is it. Not much, I know, but this is about as happy as we’re going to get from here on out. Well, until the end, that is! ;-) I also wanted to express a special thank you for those comments regarding Rey’s bravery and strength in this story. I’m so pleased you perceive her that way!!!
> 
> Beginning with the next chapter, we will be entering into the climax of the story. I still don’t have a final chapter count to tease you with, but I do want to point out that this is a work in progress, which means all tips and spoilers and hints I’ve provided throughout this story are subject to change. It’s annoying, I know, but c’est la vie!!!
> 
> I don’t have a title for the next chapter yet since I haven’t even started it, but it might as well be something along the lines of “Everything Goes FUBAR.” That’s at least a little bit of a teaser, right? ;-)


	25. Departure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having had some practice with ship repair and having acquired her new ID, Rey deals with the imminent reality of parting ways with Ben. (Hint: she’s not handling it so well…!)

Rey held her breath as she hit the ignition. Even when the engines roared obediently to life, she held the air suspended in her chest. But when the thrumming continued to rumble under her steadily and without faltering for the span of five, six, then seven heartbeats, she broke into a wide grin. Instinctively, she turned to share her delight in her triumph, only belatedly remembering that she was alone. Chewie had set her this repair as a graduation of sorts, an opportunity to prove to herself that she could handle the diagnosis and remediation of the X-wing’s mechanical issues entirely without assistance. And, indeed, she had. She felt good about it, recognized she really could do this on her own, and only then suddenly sobered.

On her own…

While Ben had been a considerably less frequent visitor in her thoughts over the past two days, he had always returned eventually. It had been quite a comfort, actually, finding herself lost in the tasks set before her, ones that had absolutely absorbed her attention to the extent that he could be completely absent from her thoughts for many hours before she emerged from her concentration enough that he managed to return. And, now, just as she had every time before, she felt guilty for having neglected him inside her own mind.

She was here to learn ship repair. She knew that. And she knew he knew that. But she couldn’t help but wonder what he was up to during her many hours with Chewie and engine grease, how he was passing his time…and whether or not he spared any thoughts for her.

Not that she had any right to expect that of him…

Glancing at the chronometer affixed to the far wall of the hangar, Rey saw that it was quite late. She had been absorbed in her task for far longer than she realized, and she at last noticed the late hour reflected in her complete isolation. Precisely when all the bustling activity of the hangar had subsided, she couldn’t quite say. Shutting down the X-wing, she listened intently for the shuffling of feet or clanking of tools that would indicate she wasn’t the only one working so late, but there was nothing. The longer she listened, the more oppressive the silence grew, until at last she huffed a breath just to break it and feel as though life yet sustained in the cold, dark reaches of the vast space.

Securing the craft and collecting her notes and tools, Rey pushed herself up out of the cockpit and carefully climbed down the access ladder. Uncomfortably aware of her movement’s echoes reverberating through the hangar, she meticulously arranged the tools in the cases Chewie had provided her, making certain everything fit securely inside. She cleaned up the debris she’d created, sweeping and scooping it all into a spare bucket. Then, not knowing anything else to do with them, she arranged the cases and bucket just under the edge of the X-wing, figuring she would determine their appropriate handling in the morning when Chewie inspected her work.

Still riding on a high regarding her achievement, Rey walked through the hanger with a smile on her face as she simultaneously wiped her hands with a half-soiled rag. True to her hope and—she had quickly discovered—her instructor’s expectation, she had taken to ship repair quite readily. While the names of the components and tools were new and sometimes challenging to remember, her instinctual understanding of what was mechanically necessary and/or possible had served her well.

To begin with, she had been forced to describe what she wanted to accomplish, detailing either what the unnamed part should do or in what way it should be altered, Chewie then providing the name of the objects. It had been slow-going, and Rey had quickly become convinced this would never work. She had gone to bed that first night angry and frustrated, drilling herself on all the new terminology she’d acquired until she fell asleep from sheer exhaustion. But on the second day, it was as though everything had clicked into place. While the names were still foreign, the procedures suddenly made considerably more sense, so much in fact that, midway through the day, Chewie had proposed challenging her with an independent task, one meant to push her to her limits. And she had most assuredly risen to the occasion.

Not only had she discovered in this long and eventful day that she had a knack for mechanical repairs, but that she genuinely enjoyed the work. It was dirty, sweaty labor, but it was also deeply gratifying to approach a ship, figure out what was wrong with it and how to fix it, then see that vision through to fruition. It reminded her of the tinkering she’d enjoyed so long ago, seemingly in a different life, when she’d repaired and even occasionally modified the domestic droids she’d had at her disposal on Cholganna. But, now, she had the added satisfaction of knowing she was doing something that would benefit someone else, too: an altogether more satisfying consequence than had been available to her previously.

For the first time, she could clearly see a path forward for herself, one that featured productivity and personal satisfaction, rather than dependency and boredom. And it was with this realization that her thoughts turned to Ben once more. And, when they did, her feet slowed, her shoulders drooped, and her face fell until she found herself standing immobile in the middle of a silent corridor realizing that she was about to lose Ben.

It had to happen. She knew it did. But that didn’t make it any more palatable. She hated the thought of leaving him, of risking never seeing him again. And the kids… Well aware of what she was denying them, she wondered for at least the thousandth time if she was really making the right decision. True, the constant mystery of who she had once been and the secret thoughts of everyone around her, always comparing the Rey she was now with the Rey she was then, was truly aggravating. But it was her own unremitting awareness of how she had already inadvertently led the Empire to Ben twice that had her shaking her head with new resolve every time.

Maybe, one day, perhaps once she had learned enough about her own relationship to the Force, she might be able to divine precisely what it was that had made her betrayal of his location possible. Then, she could learn how to prevent such a thing happening again, and then she could come back to him. _Gods_ , how she hoped she could come back to him someday… But, until then, it was just too dangerous. She refused to risk either him or the kids merely to satisfy her own cravings to remain at his side.

With a deep, trembling breath, Rey looked up in confusion and had to take a moment before she could determine where she was. Her feet had continued to trace her path back to her room despite her inattentiveness, and she found herself nearly there…but not quite. She had come to a standstill not at her door, but at her neighbor’s. And, even without the conscious awareness of that fact, she still would have known without a doubt that Ben was on the other side of this door. Even with the bond closed, she could feel him. Instinct that she had learned to trust told her he wasn’t asleep, despite the hour. Instead, he was awake and filled with every bit of the despair she held in.

Absently, Rey approached the door and raised her hand to it, setting her palm flat against its smooth, cold surface. Though she wasn’t entirely certain it actually happened, she could so clearly imagine Ben doing the same on the other side, both of them reaching out for the other despite the barrier between them. It hit her, then, that this might be her last night anywhere near him, and a soft gasp escaped her throat with the thought. Suddenly overwhelmed by the impulse to shove the door open and fling herself into his arms, consequences be damned, she found the courage to instead step back when the sickening image of Hux viciously beating and kicking her came to mind.

She was well aware now that the Supreme Leader’s true hatred had never been for her, but for Ben. It was that awareness in the wake of her recovered memory that had solidified her choice to separate herself from him. The images that filled her mind of what Hux would do to Ben if he ever had him in his clutches turned her stomach and wrenched her heart. She couldn’t bear it if she brought that upon him or the kids, and so she backed away from the door, her heart aching and weeping for what she couldn’t have.

As she did, she imagined the door flinging open, Ben raging through it and pulling her into his arms, demanding that she cease this foolishness and stay with him. She imagined herself submitting to the blissful agony of being so close to him, of kissing him and feeling him everywhere, of being helpless to resist the insistence with which he clung to her and refused to let her go. She almost wished for it, for him to remove the decision from her hands…but she knew he wouldn’t. She had felt his resolve, knew that he would never presume to think or feel _for_ her, would not impede her freedom to make this choice even though it caused them both such exquisite anguish.

And it only made her love him all the more.

Laden with misery and quiet tears, Rey shuffled her way into her tiny room next door. She collapsed onto her bed without bothering to remove her greasy mechanic’s jumpsuit and curled up on her side, weeping silently with her forehead pressed against the wall that separated her from Ben. She felt certain that her exhaustion would claim her eventually, would plunge her into deep, sustained unconsciousness that would offer a temporary respite from her agony. But it never happened. She spent all night, drifting in and out of wakefulness, images swimming in her mind of all the horror she feared, including that of feeling alone and distant from those individuals she most cherished.

When she could take it no longer, Rey rose wearily from her bed. Carefully and methodically, she stripped out of the mechanic’s suit and folded it neatly, leaving it on the corner of the bed. Instantly chilled, she added layers to the clothing she’d retained beneath, finishing with the overcoat Poe had provided on her first day here. With a sigh and a final glance over the little room that had been hers for two nights, Rey turned and opened the door, only to gasp and lurch backward in surprise when she found Ben standing there.

As startled as she was when the door opened, he stared blearily at her, blinking as though he couldn’t quite understand what had just happened. She quickly surmised that he was every bit as weary and despondent as she, and she knew instantly that he’d been awake and struggling all night with his own demons. They really were a pair, the two of them. Rey was suddenly overcome by a fresh wave of remorse and the nearly inviolable need to apologize yet again for the misery she was inflicting upon them both. Rather than succumb, though, she sharply bowed her head, struggling to contain her emotions and stay the course she’d determined for herself.

Looking at him really didn’t help that endeavor.

“I’m on my way to see Maz,” he finally spoke into the lengthened silence between them, his voice every bit as rough and haggard as his appearance.

Rey nodded. “I need to check in with Chewie.”

Another awkward silence stretched out in which Rey imagined that Ben also nodded his understanding of her declaration. Taking advantage of the modicum of privacy that his height and angle of sight over her bowed face afforded her, Rey squeezed her eyes shut, concentrating for a moment on keeping the burning tears hidden from view.

“Rey…”

She inhaled sharply, her face lifting, smiling bravely despite the solitary tear that managed to escape her control. She caught his hand as it reached tentatively for her, clutching at his wrist and gently but firmly redirecting its path.

“I’m fine,” she lied boldly, addressing his unspoken inquiry. “Don’t worry about me. Go see Maz.”

With another wholly unconvincing smile, Rey turned aside to close her door, swiping surreptitiously at that tear as she did. When she lingered a moment too long with her back resolutely toward him, she felt more than heard him sigh softly.

“I’ll meet you in the hangar, then.”

“That sounds good,” she agreed with an overly bright smile tossed over her shoulder as she strode down the corridor away from him.

All too aware of his eyes piercing her back as she retreated, she reflected that she was also too aware of the affect these circumstances were having upon them both. Although she valiantly attempted to ignore it most of the time, she knew how unhappy he was. He mourned her as if she’d died. And, she supposed, in some ways she had. It hurt her tremendously to witness his despair, and yet she was helpless to do anything to alleviate it. Any respite she might offer could only possibly be temporary and, in the end, would only exacerbate the pain they both had to endure when they finally parted ways. No, as difficult as it was to persevere, she knew she must. While she harbored no illusions that either of them would ever actually be grateful for it, she nevertheless knew it was for the best. At least…that was what she told herself every time she caught him looking at her like his heart was breaking.

Rey’s face creased into a small but genuine smile when she first heard the rumble of Chewie’s voice. She had truly enjoyed working with and learning from him during the past couple days, and wished she could stay longer. He held such a wealth of knowledge in his head, and seemed only too happy to stick his thoughts inside a ship and leave it there. Not once had he brought up any people or events she had to awkwardly admit she knew nothing about. But at the same time he was willing to answer the few questions she put forth on such matters with a succinct and pedantic air. By these means, she learned that Chewie was Ben’s father’s closest friend and that he’d witnessed much of Ben’s formative years. When Rey found that she could all too well imagine Ben as a sullen moody youth, she had allowed her questions to subside and instead focused on the repairs at hand.

As she approached the old, decrepit X-wing, Rey found Chewie with his head stuck in its innards right where she had completed the bulk of her repairs. She smiled when she heard his soft chuffing in response to the work she’d done, and she took delight in startling him when she spoke.

“You thought you could stump me, didn’t you?”

Chewie emerged from the access panel in the ship’s side, rubbing a furry paw at his head where he’d bumped it on his way out, insisting in his roaring dialect that, no, he’d known she would figure it out.

“Only after half the night, though,” she admitted with a smile.

At his prompting, Rey took her time showing Chewie through all the repairs she’d made. She especially delighted in his reaction when she pointed out some additional improvements she’d madethat he hadn’t intended for her to address. His soft chortling, followed by a big hairy hand plunked on top of her head, had her laughing, and it was thus that Ben found them.

“So she passes, then?”

Rey yelped in surprise and quickly straightened herself as she realized Ben and Maz had arrived, somehow feeling as though she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t. It took her a moment to realize that that something was simply being happy. After all, when she was breaking his heart, what right did she have to be laughing with Chewie? Of course, that was entirely _her_ thinking, not _his_ , she knew.

Fixing her gaze awkwardly on the floor near her feet, she listened as Chewie reported that she knew enough now to get started, that the remainder of her skills would come with experience and exposure to different repairs. But, while this seemed to be good news, Rey knew both she and Ben heard it as the pronouncement it actually was: that there was little left to keep them together.

It hadn’t escaped Rey’s notice that Ben had remained true to his word, assembling everything she would need to pursue her independent life with every bit of efficiency she could ask for, despite the fact that it meant she would leave him behind all the sooner. And, while she was grateful for it, at the same time, she wished he wasn’t quite so adept in this respect. Of course, maybe it was for the best. Why prolong the inevitable? Maybe that was what he was thinking. Maybe he just couldn’t wait to be rid of her. Maybe she was kidding herself that this was anywhere near as difficult for him as it was for her.

Maybe she was just looking for ways to make herself feel better…

Rey sank to her knees as Ben and Chewie’s conversation continued around her, occupying her hands and mind with the task of sorting through the debris she’d left behind last night. She was aware of Maz, the little bespectacled creature, approaching her, but she did her best to hide that fact. Whereas she found herself quite comfortable around Chewie, Maz was entirely different. Her enlarged eyes were much too perceptive for Rey’s taste, giving her the uneasy impression that she knew far more than she said. And, having already deduced that she must have known this enigmatic woman before her abduction, Rey was even more discomfited, imagining all the things that Maz knew about her

When Maz crouched before Rey—an unnecessary gesture on her part, since she was already at Rey’s eye-level when standing at her full height—and placed a gentle hand upon her forearm, Rey found she could no longer sustain the ruse of pretending she wasn’t there. With bated breath, she lifted her gaze to find the small creature gazing at her intently. Neither of them spoke, and Rey was distantly aware that the the conversation rumbling above her had faded away too. She noted the ancient wisdom in the magnified eyes, feeling as though they searched for something in hers that simply would not be found. Sadness engulfed her as the impulse to apologize for that lack gripped Rey’s consciousness, but Maz averted her gaze before Rey could even draw breath, drawing both their attention down to her hands where she held a datachip.

“Your name is Katra Dohrind,” she intoned solemnly. “You were born on Coruscant, parents unknown. Raised in an asylum for orphaned children, you showed an early aptitude for technology. When you came of age, you indentured yourself to a shipping company as a mechanic, and have just completed your tenure there. More details are provided in this datachip in case you need it, but my advice is to keep to yourself as much as possible, share as little as possible. As soon as you leave here, this is who you are, do you understand me? This is your only identity.”

Overwhelmed, Rey could only nod silently, her eyes flickering upward to find Ben watching her intently, such sadness in his gaze that she could not look at him for long. So many questions filled her mind, chief among them, why she deserved this sort of aid, and how she could ever repay it. But, it seemed, Maz was not quite finished.

“I have established an accounting for you. It is linked to your fingerscan— _all_ of them,” she added with a sour look up at Ben, “but you cannot replenish it. It will be enough for you to purchase a cheap ship for you to repair, and enough food and fuel to sustain you until you can find steady work. After that, you’ll need to establish your own accounting.”

Rey nodded, humbled by the work done on her behalf, certain she didn’t deserve such favors. But, suddenly, Maz gripped Rey’s hand, and when Rey met her gaze once more, she found a fierce determination there that somehow frightened her.

“This is not free, Rey,” Maz stated flatly, her tone suddenly hard. “I have conditions.”

Glancing involuntarily up toward Ben again, Rey swallowed and nodded anxiously.

“Guard yourself carefully,” Maz demanded. “Keep your Force-sensitivity an _absolute_ secret. Steer well clear of the Empire. And trust _no one_ with the truth of who and what you are. Oh. And public drunkenness is not wise, no matter the cause,” she added, glaring up at Ben once again.

Rey noticed Ben shifting uncomfortably on his feet, but otherwise remained focused on Maz.

“I understand,” Rey offered.

“This is a dangerous path you have chosen, Rey. I would have much preferred you two remain together…for many reasons. But I see your heart, and I understand your fears. I share them. You know how to access this facility, and you will always be welcome here. I hope this is not the last time these eyes will behold you, Rey of Jakku. You are precious. To many. Never forget that.”

Startled by the sudden tenderness of the moment, Rey was still fighting back unexpected tears when Maz reached forward to place her diminutive hands on either side of her head. Pulling her forward, she rested her forehead against Rey’s, and Rey felt a flooding of warmth through her body. Then, to her astonishment, Maz’s voice whispered in her mind.

_The Force is not done with you. Trust where it leads you._

As Maz eased back, Rey stared at her, wide-eyed. She nodded subtly, as if to confirm that Rey really had heard what she thought she had. And, to Rey’s great wonder, a tear slipped from beneath Maz’s spectacles as she gained her feet.

“Be safe, Rey,” Maz croaked out in a dry voice, then turned and hurried off.

Astonished, Rey looked up at Ben and Chewie towering over her. Immediately, Ben bowed his head and became resolutely focused on his hands. Chewie mumbled something low in his throat that didn’t have a direct translation but Rey knew expressed his sorrow at the parting that had come to pass. Unnerved, Rey looked back down at the disorderly piles of junk but Chewie stopped her, volunteering to take care of the tools and debris for her.

“Are you sure?” she asked him, looking up once more, and he nodded.

Rey relented, recognizing that he knew the proper procedures for their disposal here anyway, and that to do anything else was merely delaying the inevitable.

“Poe?” Ben asked then, and it suddenly occurred to Rey that she had actually spent more time in the pilot’s company than he had.

Rey shook her head as she got to her feet. “We said our goodbyes yesterday. And he said I should tell you he’ll see you soon.”

Ben nodded and turned away, and Rey knew it was because the subtext of Poe’s message was all too clear: that he’d be seeing Ben after he and Rey parted ways. And, although she’d known it was coming, she suddenly realized just how imminent that moment was. In fact, there was no good reason for her to even be on the same planet as him by nightfall. Indeed, they could even say their own goodbyes right here and now, seeing as how there wasn’t much really on Galea for either of them to return to. The ship was here for Ben. Work was here for Rey. And, should she wish to leave, she was certain Poe, Chewie, or Maz could hook her up with a ship of her own.

But the logistics, of course, weren’t the problem. No, the problem was entirely that Rey simply didn’t _want_ to say goodbye to Ben. She didn’t want to look upon him, memorizing the features of his face, wondering if she would ever see him again. In fact, doing just that right now, she felt positively ill. Without even knowing if it was what he had in mind, Rey abruptly decided that now was not the time for their final goodbye. There might not be a _good_ reason for them to go back to Galea, but that was what they were doing. At least, that was the assumption she was making until she discovered that Ben did indeed have other ideas. It was, simply, the only way she could deal with the trauma of continuing to breathe. As inevitable and imminent as that moment of separation may be, it wasn’t _now_.

Rey emerged from her thoughts to find she was simply standing there staring at Ben. Shaken and embarrassed, she cleared her throat and glanced around, trying to ascertain what someone whose mind wasn’t spinning and whose heart wasn’t breaking would be doing in these circumstances. Fortunately, Chewie came to her rescue, though she couldn’t say whether or not it was intentional on his part.

The Wookie came forward impulsively and threw his arms around Rey. She laughed in surprise, echoing his sentiments about enjoying their work together and hoping they would see one another again in the future. His farewell with Ben, in contrast, was much more subdued. Rey turned away in order to give them their privacy, but it seemed they didn’t need it. No words were exchanged between them, and she could only assume their communication had been accomplished by meaningful looks.

When she turned back to them, confused by the lingering silence, she found Ben extricating himself from a Wookie hug. His face was bowed low, burdened, just like she had become accustomed to seeing him over the past few days, and Chewie’s hand lingered on his shoulder in what Rey interpreted as silent sympathy. At which point she turned away again, uncomfortably certain that the sympathy Chewie was offering Ben centered on the pain she herself was causing him.

This time, Rey wandered a few paces away, asking herself yet again why she was doing this. But before she could get too far into her usual routine of self-doubt, she shook her head and reminded herself that she had to see this through. As painful as it was, it would be a thousand times worse to give into her weakness, only to have Ben or the kids pay the price. No, this was how it had to be, and she would just have to find the strength to see it through.

“Do you need to go back to your room for anything?”

“No,” Rey answered Ben readily, turning to find Chewie had left. “I don’t have anything there. And Poe said I could just leave my coat with the deck officer.”

“So, you’re ready then?”

Rey nodded, though she didn’t manage to meet his gaze for long since it was such a lie. Leaving Dabos meant returning to Galea. Arriving at Galea meant leaving Ben. And, no, she wasn’t ready for that at all. Her only consolation as she followed his lead back to their shiny ship was that at least she had a few hours yet in hyperspace, a little more time to talk to him, to look at him, to commit all that he was to memories that would have to sustain her for an unknown length of time. Possibly forever.

She hadn’t seen much of Ben since arriving in the camp, but his demeanor now was consistent with the few times she had found herself in his company: taciturn and moody. She well understood the cause for his attitude, but was a little resentful of the fact that he didn’t seem to be willing to put on a good show, like she was trying to do. Of course, his sour attitude was entirely the result of him feeling resentful over her choice, and she couldn’t truly blame him. So, she endeavored to endure his mood, just as she had for the past two days.

After dropping off her coat with the deck officer, Rey left Ben there to make all the necessary declarations and arrangements for taking off. Finding the ship quite cold and herself entirely too weary and heartsick to be bothered with the persistent effort increasing her core temperature through the Force would require, Rey made her way straight to the cockpit where she set the environmental controls to begin warming the ship.

It was there Ben found her, huddled in the copilot’s seat with her heels hooked on the edge of the chair and her knees held tight against her chest. Rather than comment upon either her posture or her choice not to alleviate her discomfort, Ben silently extricated himself from the thin jacket he wore and settled it over her shoulders. She glanced up at him with a grateful smile as he settled into the pilot’s seat and hit the ship’s ignition. She studied him carefully, testing herself to see if she could anticipate every switch he hit, every step he took in readying the ship for take-off, then maneuvering it out of the hangar and into open space.

By the time he had engaged the hyperdrive, she wasn’t cold anymore, but she remained curled in the seat not out of discomfort but out of insecurity. There was so much she wanted to say but that she knew she shouldn’t or couldn’t. So many versions of what was weighing on her mind and heart, sampled and rejected in her thoughts before they could make it to her lips. The silence between them, in the meantime, was becoming so oppressive that, when Ben finally turned toward her with a murmur of her name, Rey blurted out what she most needed to say before either he could continue or she could lose her nerve.

“I want to thank you,” she practically shouted as she preempted his speech, “for everything you’ve done for me. I recognize this has been difficult for you and I want you to know I know that you didn’t have to do any of this. For me. Even though you probably think you did. And I understand that. And I want you to know this isn’t easy for me either. I mean, I’m scared. But I have to prove to myself I can do this. And…oh, gods, I’m rambling. I’m going to stop talking now.”

Ashamed, Rey buried her reddening face in her knees. But when Ben made no response, she peeked out again, only to find him watching her intently, his gaze dark and sad, so much locked and unsaid behind his eyes. And she knew then that, whatever he was truly thinking, she wouldn’t find out about it. His emotions were locked away, sealed against her, and probably even himself, too. And she couldn’t begrudge him that. After everything he’d been through, all the sacrifices and disappointments she’d caused him, she couldn’t judge him for however he managed to endure her lingering presence. With the weight in her heart causing sickening feelings in her stomach, she bowed her face again, silently pleading with him to accept her apology.

“The dream?”

Rey’s head jerked up again at the sound of his voice and she met his gaze. He waited patiently and steadily for her response, though she noticed his eyes couldn’t seem to settle on hers for longer than a heartbeat at a time.

“You mean…the painful one?”

He nodded and she responded by shaking her head.

“It’s gone. It hasn’t come back since the memory…”

He nodded again, slowly, and his eyes slipped away from her. Suppressing a sigh, Rey had set herself to returning her face to her knees when he surprised her by speaking again.

“It was the memory trying to push through, wasn’t it? The Force trying to reveal it to you.”

She stared at him, uncertain why his comment struck her as so strange. Perhaps it was merely that it posed some evidence that he spent time thinking about things that affected her. When she didn’t answer right away, his face swung toward her once again and she cleared her throat awkwardly.

“Uh, yes. That was my thinking.”

“Because they began when you started to regain your access to the Force.”

This time, the cause of her astonishment was clear. She hadn’t made that connection at all. For her, the agonizing dreams simply started, with no precipitating cause behind them. But, now that she thought about it, he was right. And he knew it too.

“The Force speaks to you in ways it doesn’t to me,” he commented gently. “It always has.”

Her throat suddenly dry, Rey croaked out, “What does that mean?”

“Visions. It gives you visions. Not frequently, but often enough that it’s a pattern. But I’ve only ever had Force visions through you. Now that you’re open to the Force, there might be more. I don’t know. But you need to be prepared for that.”

“Should I trust them?” she asked anxiously.

Ben sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t think it’s a matter of trust, so much, as knowledge. You probably shouldn’t underestimate their importance, though. In the past, they’ve shown you what you needed to know, but it hasn’t always been clear what exactly they mean. You…have been known, in the past, to…commit to a course of action based on a vision, and that choice turned out to be…not what you expected.”

Rey stared at him, frowning. She wasn’t entirely sure what he meant, but it frightened her. He was clearly uncomfortable, though, and he wasn’t meeting her gaze again, and she didn’t like it in the least.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I… I need you to be prepared, in case it happens again. And… Here.”

With abrupt finality, the hands that had been fidgeting anxiously in his lap for the last few minutes ceased their fretting and he held out a small device to her. When she hesitated, he waved it impatiently at her.

“Take it,” he insisted. “Even if you don’t keep it, I need to think you have it.”

Slowly, uncertainly, the took the object from him and he retracted his hand quickly as soon as she held it within her grasp. She studied the bit of technology intently. It was a small pod, circular, about about the width of her thumb, with a single button on one side. It was entirely unobtrusive and unremarkable, which only made it all the more intriguing.

“What is it?”

“It’s a dedicated comm unit with an unlimited range.”

Rey’s eyebrows lifted in surprise then lowered in confusion. “Dedicated…”

Ben nodded, revealing a matching device in his palm. “It connects only with this one, and it’s coded to your fingerscan so no one else can use it. If we’re not too far away from one another, we can talk. Otherwise, it can send and receive recorded messages. I’m not saying you have to use it,” he added quickly, as though anxious for her not to misconstrue his intent, “and I’ll only initiate contact if it’s an emergency. I just… I want you to have a way to reach me. If you need me.”

This last was spoken so softly, with such heartbreaking agony, that Rey had to turn sharply away as she struggled to contain her tears. Ben, though, evidently misunderstood the cause of her emotion and his voice rose behind her, thick with anxiety.

“I’m not trying to keep an eye on you. You don’t even have to use it. You can toss it out in space for all I’ll know. But I just…couldn’t let you go…without some hope I might…ever…hear from you again.”

“Ben…” Rey sighed softly, pained by the agony she heard in his voice. She shook her head, not quite knowing what she could say. “I know you don’t understand my decision—”

“No,” he interrupted swiftly, his voice resolute and his gaze fixed solidly upon her for the first time it seemed in ages. “No, that’s not it at all. I don’t like it. And I don’t agree. But I do understand.”

Rey gasped softly, thinking she liked it better when he argued with her. It was easier. This way, confronted with his quiet though reluctant acceptance of her decision, all she could think was how amazing he was and how stupidly stubborn _she_ was for thinking she should be on her own, without him.

“Poe invited me to stay at the camp,” she offered suddenly, without having realized she’d decided to share that fact. “Permanently, I mean.”

Rey watched as Ben nodded slowly, clearly pondering the idea. Did he like the idea of her being there, of knowing she was with people he trusted? Did he like the idea that he could…maybe…occasionally…come visit her? Or did he perceive it more as her encroaching on his territory, his friends, things she had no right to?

“Is that something you think you’d like to do?” Ben asked cautiously, back to looking at her askance, as though he didn’t trust himself to face her straight on.

Rey sighed, staring out into the streaking stars. Strangely, she hadn’t considered that aspect of things, instead having focused on how he would view the idea. But, now that she thought about it, she found it had great appeal. Not only for the proximity it might afford her to him, but also for the security it offered in her quest to hide from the Empire. And…friends. Poe, Chewie, maybe Maz, if Rey could ever get over the tiny woman’s uncanny ability to see so much… Companionship. The notion was astounding.

“I think, eventually, yes,” she responded at last. “But not right away.”

Ben nodded slowly, and, when he spoke, he was even more halting, more uncertain than she’d ever seen him.

“Does it…change your mind if…I might…and the kids…if _we_ might…be there, too?”

Rey stared, a bright hope she hadn’t known she harbored flaring in her chest. The idea that, someday, she could find herself in the same place as Ben, Declan, and Aileen, sharing a community, having access to one another, but without the stifling feeling that she was being _kept_ , held like a possession, but rather that she was there by choice, _her_ choice…one that might even be influenced by the knowledge that they were there too. Slowly and irrepressibly, she smiled. She watched as Ben caught the smile, his face turning more fully toward her as he awaited her answer, the same hope she felt fluttering inside her reflected in his expression.

“No,” she finally answered softly. “It doesn’t change my mind.”

For the first time it seemed in days, Ben smiled. When Rey returned his expression, his face bowed away from her and she thought she saw a flush of color on his cheeks. She let it go unremarked, simply happy to have found something they could both smile about: the prospect that, just maybe, this wasn’t all there was for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for posting one day late. I’m still trying to get caught up. At least I managed to proofread this one!!!
> 
> So, originally the big turning point leading to the climax was supposed to be in this chapter. But it was running so long already and I was getting anxious to get the update out to you all, I decided to split the chapter in two. Which means…big turning point in the NEXT chapter. (That’s where the FUBAR I mentioned previously will appear. Sorry for the fake out!) And, in the meantime, a little hint toward future reconciliation there at the end…! I hope everyone was smiling right along with Ben and Rey! :-)
> 
> If you’re enjoying this fic (and if you’re still reading 25 chapters in, I think I can assume you are!) I wonder if you could help me spread the word. I would really appreciate anything you can do by way of recommendations or anything of the sort. Thanks so much!!! I really do cherish every one of you. Without you, writing is SOOO much more boring!!!


	26. Hope's Rise and Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey contemplates a change in her attitude and plans concerning Ben, feeling considerably more hopeful about the future. That is, until she has another Force vision…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS AHEAD for INTENSE VIOLENCE (including against children) and multiple MAJOR CHARACTER DEATHS, all envisioned and not actual. All incidents are very brief and feature very little detail. Due to the importance of these events in the plot as well as their brevity, I highly recommend not skipping any paragraphs. However, if you feel you must, you can skip from the three repetitions of the name “Sibar Elson” down to “Rey! Rey!”

By the time the ship dropped out of hyperspace, Rey was actually enjoying Ben’s company. She realized in hindsight that the tension they had both been feeling had come from the utter lack of hope they both held, the conviction that this was all there ever would be for them. Now, with the idea that there was a path back toward one another, the future didn’t seem quite so bleak anymore. In fact, even the prospect of leaving felt easier. She would go off, learn what it was to be self-reliant, find out what the galaxy had to offer, make certain she was free and clear of Hux’s influence, and, when the time came, she would settle in at the refugee camp and see what would happen.

And, through it all, she could even keep in contact with Ben.

She wasn’t sure about that part yet, whether or not it was a good idea or if that was something she should do. _Want_ to do, yes, of that there was no question. But _should_ …? Not so clear. Regardless, though, Rey already had a nagging suspicion that the temptation to talk to him or at least to pass messages to one another across the galaxy would simply prove irresistible. And that was alright. In fact, it was better than alright, because this way she would know he and the kids were safe.

The kids were still a sticking point in her emotional processing. Aileen, she knew would only be all too happy that she had decided not to invade upon their family circle. But Declan… It actually surprised her how deeply it pained her when she imagined the little boy’s reaction to Ben’s explanation that she’d decided not to come back with him. She was tempted to find out exactly how Ben planned to handle that conversation, but then she recognized she didn’t really have the right to know or to make suggestions. They may be her children biologically, but they were entirely his in reality, and she harbored no illusions about that. He knew them, knew their idiosyncrasies, and she had no right to impinge upon what he felt was best for them in that regard.

In the short time since the prospect of one day reuniting had ignited this flame of hope deep within her psyche, Rey had already found she quite enjoyed imagining her eventual reunion with Declan. She imagined how happy he would be to see her again, how palpable his excitement to show her all the things he enjoyed, ready to share it all with her, just like he had on Naboo. Her mood sobered a little when she wondered when that might be, how much he might have aged by the time that happened and how much she would have missed between now and then. And then that led her to wonder how long she should stay away before she could be reasonably assured that she had well and truly shaken whatever connection she might have harbored to Hux and the Empire. A few months? A year? More? How could she even know?

As she pondered these questions, Rey found herself gazing upon Ben. She had been so convinced, utterly certain that her presence endangered him. And, yet, the idea that she could ensure his safety by staying away from him seemed so naive now. He’d be in no less danger than he had during the six years of her absence, so then…why?

And the certitude of his feelings for her… How could she question that? She’d felt his emotions through the bond.. And she’d felt her own in that horrid memory, felt what thinking him dead had done to her psyche. The uncertainty that had plagued her only a few days ago seemed considerably reduced now. Not only was she markedly more confident in his feelings for her, but also in her feelings for him. So, again…why?

Suddenly, all her excuses, all her intellectualizing about why she couldn’t stay with him seemed so inadequate, all part of an elaborate rationalization for something neither of them wanted. And, for the first time, staring at him, realizing the lengths he’d been going to in order to let her go, the imperative to leave didn’t seem so compelling anymore.

He loved her. It was as simple and as remarkable as that. Maybe there was some logical basis to her fears that she would prove a disappointment to him in the future. There were no guarantees, after all. But who was to say she wouldn’t have disappointed him even if she’d never disappeared and lost all memory of him? Or he could have disappointed her. There was no way of knowing. In fact, it seemed to her now that there never could be, with _any_ relationship, no matter how deep the experiences that lay behind it. What mattered was the commitment, the desire to remain together and to strive for mutual happiness. And, looking at him now, taking her back to Galea with the intention of watching her walk away, despite that he loved her and had searched for her for six years, despite that their children and friends awaited them both to resume their lives together, despite that it tore him into pieces to know she didn’t want to be with him… What better proof could she expect that what mattered most to him was her happiness?

As the nav computer chimed pleasantly to alert them that they were exiting hyperspace, Rey caught Ben glancing over at her from the corner of his eye. When he caught her staring at him, he turned his face more fully toward her and smiled a little. She returned the gesture, her face lightening and softening with the recognition that his eyes held less darkness, less misery than they had just an hour ago. And she felt a not-unpleasant fluttering and plunging in her core that she recognized as her deep and abiding attraction to him, one that made her begin to understand how she might have once fallen in love with the enemy.

Ben returned his attention to the helm with visible reluctance, continuously glancing back to her. Rey found herself giggling lightly at him, amused by the way he was torn between what he wanted to do and what he needed to do. To help him out a bit, she rose to her feet and aimed herself toward the back of the cockpit as he broke through the atmosphere of Galea and aimed the ship toward Floxton.

“Where are you going?” he asked abruptly, his tone anxious but without the deep angst that had characterized his voice for days on end now.

“Not far,” she assured him, even daring to go so far as to reach out and touch his shoulder, one finger drifting over the skin at the base of his neck.

She heard his sharp, surprised inhale, and she stifled the same outward response herself. But, inside, she felt the jolt between them like a physical blow, one that had her body clamoring for more. And she began to wonder as she hastily placed herself at a safer distance from him how thoroughly she was undermining her plans right now.

No, she told herself firmly. Nothing was changed. At least, not for the immediate future. If what lay between them was really as abiding as she suspected, then a little time apart wouldn’t alter it. She would go off, learn who she was for herself, live quietly and peacefully for a few months, then…they would see. If it was meant to be, it _would_ be.

A new tone from the helm drew Rey’s attention, and she peered over Ben’s shoulder to see what this one was about. She nodded to herself as he reached out to the comm system, hitting the switch to accept the incoming hail.

“Attention, civilian craft. You have entered Floxton airspace and we have you on our scope. Please state your name, destination, and the purpose for your visit.”

“We are returning,” Ben responded easily, “to our suite at the Paradise Grand Hotel. We’ve been gone two standard solar days.”

“Very good, sir. And your name, sir?”

“Sibar Elson.”

_Sibar Elson._

_Sibar… Elson…_

Rey shook her head, blinking furiously as the name continued to ring in her ears. When it failed to clear, multiplying and overlapping until it was a cacophony of whispers inside her mind, she stumbled back, reaching for the bulkhead at the rear of the cockpit, seeking something solid against which to ground herself. The hissing of countless voices had her squeezing her eyes shut now, pressing her forehead against her palm as she sought relief from the aural assault.

Abruptly and without warning, it stopped. Her eyes snapped open, only to find the cockpit and Ben gone. In their stead was a wide open field of deep, waving grasses. She heard voices off to her left and she turned to look, finding two heads barely taller than the grass bobbing along. One dark and one chestnut, she knew instantly who they were, and her heart constricted as she longed to reach out to her children, to promise them she hadn’t forgotten them. A call from behind had all three of them turning, and Rey saw Poe standing in the doorway of a distant bunker that she intuitively knew to be serving as their home. Judging by the children running past her, who looked not a day older than she’d seen them Naboo, she realized this must be Dantooine, where they were now.

Smiling broadly at the sight of them running and skipping past her, Rey longed to call out to them, to come with them. Just as she had the thought, though, Declan abruptly turned, his face suddenly tense as he scanned the patch of grass where she stood then the sky above. She waved, her throat seeming to be quite stifled at the moment, but he didn’t see her. Instead, his eyes widened and he started to back away, horror contorting his face. He turned and ran, shouting to Aileen who had continued toward the house without him. And it was then that Rey heard it.

A whine like she’d never heard before, high-pitched and grating on the ears. As the sound built in intensity, Rey felt the rushing of the previously gentle breeze as two starfighters with flat vertical wings on either side of their central pods passed overhead. Although she couldn’t hear them, she could see Declan, Aileen, and Poe shouting in alarm, all running frantically toward each other. But then the whining craft spat out green laser fire, instantly gunning Poe down then incinerating the bunker house.

Rey cried out, her voice drowned by the chaos of the scene before her then suddenly bereft of accompaniment. Her shout subsided instantly as she became aware of the change in her surroundings. And it was then she realized she was in the midst of a vision from the Force. Recalling Ben’s warning to heed what it was trying to communicate, Rey set herself to being as observant as possible. Struggling to regain her composure after witnessing the sudden and callous death of one of the few people in the galaxy she could consider a friend, Rey felt a sickening weight of anticipation in her stomach as she wondered what more was in store.

Once her breathing eased enough that her ears could serve their function, she caught small sounds in the dark void surrounding her. Rey swung her head every which way, attempting to find any particle of light and to identify the sound. Just as she felt despair grip her, a door opened and light fell inside, revealing two small figures huddled in a dim corner. With a sob of anguish, she rushed forward, falling to her knees in front of Aileen cradling her brother. The sound she’d heard was Aileen weeping softly over Declan, his face and body broken and bloodied in her arms. Lifting her face to the painfully bright light, Aileen squinted and blinked repeatedly, her face contorted in pain and rage as she held Declan closer, protecting him from an approaching figure cast in shadows that Rey knew instinctively was the unknown Emperor.

“Ah, good, little one, good,” the Emperor’s hissing voice murmured approvingly,. “Hate me. Show me your power. _Release_ it.”

Aileen shook her head furiously, but Rey could see the depth of darkness inhabiting her eyes, could feel her abiding desire to free her powerful emotions, just as the Emperor cajoled her to. With an eerie chuckle, he lifted a hand and Declan suddenly started screaming. Aileen shouted out in protest and lifted her arm, but, rather than falling back from her attack, the Emperor caught her wrist and held it tight. As all of them focused on this contact, Declan’s cries of agony intensified. Aileen growled low in her throat as the Emperor continued to chuckle. Then a new determination gripped her expression as she sneered in contempt and sparks flew between her fingers. The Emperor’s debauched laughter rose as Rey felt the scene spinning away from her.

Turning about in confusion, Aileen, Declan, and the Emperor all suddenly gone, Rey found herself on a wooded beach, structures clinging to the enormous trees further inland. A roar had her turning suddenly to see a contingent of stealth troopers pulling two men roughly toward the beach, followed by a knot of protesting Wookiees. Quickly checking their tall, furry forms, Rey was not able to identify Chewie among them.

As the troopers threw the two men down onto their knees, Rey’s attention was drawn to a tall figure draped in flowing black robes that were disturbingly reminiscent of Kylo Ren. Everyone—Wookiees, stormtroopers, and stealth troopers alike—gave this figure a wide berth, backing hastily away as it strode purposefully toward the men. With sinking despair in her heart, already knowing what she was to discover, Rey watched as the figure threw back a cowl and hastily flung a dark helmet aside, revealing Aileen. She was years older now, tall and imposing, a fierce and malevolent version of Rey herself. Her eyes were hard and unyielding, glowing with a devilish yellow light, and Rey wept as she felt the intense waves of Dark Force energy pulsating from her.

Many strides yet from the kneeling men, Aileen ignited a red lightsaber, one quite familiar with a distinctive cross-guard and an angrily spitting blade. The first man looked up sharply and Rey recognized Finn. With zero hesitation, thwarting the words he’d begun to form, Aileen swung the weapon and killed the man who had practically raised her with one fell, emotionless stroke. Then, tossing aside the lightsaber with an angry grunt, Aileen flung her arm out and the second man rose abruptly, his head thrown back as her Force grip suspended him in mid-air. Rey sobbed uncontrollably as she recognized Ben, older and grayer, but Ben.

“You knew it would come to this,” Aileen spat out, peering closely into her father’s sorrowful but still defiant gaze.

“Yes,” he agreed, calm though grim. “I’ve always known.”

Her yellow eyes raked him contemptuously. “It could have been different. But you’ve _always_ chosen her over me. Even after she’s _dead_.”

Ben didn’t respond, only met his daughter’s cold, malignant gaze with bleak silence.

“Fight me,” she hissed at him as her grip tightened.

Despite that he wore no Force-inhibiting technology, no collar or bindings to impede his access to all of his considerable power, he did nothing more than slowly and sadly shake his head. Even when the pressure of her hold on his chest hindered his breathing, he remained stoic until his body had him gasping and wheezing for air.

“Fight me!” she cried with sudden, ringing violence, to which Ben merely croaked, “No. Never.”

With a furious scream, Aileen closed the distance between them and thrust her clawed hand at his chest. Brilliant sparks of lightning ignited between her fingers and, despite knowing this was a vision and entirely beyond her capability to affect, Rey cried out her daughter’s name. To her utter astonishment, Aileen turned abruptly, the sparks quickly fading from her fingertips as she looked over her shoulder, her wrathful gaze searching the empty space where Rey stood. Frozen by horror and shock, Rey stared mutely, attentive for the moment when Aileen would perceive her. But it didn’t come. And, when Aileen turned back to the task of murdering her father by lancing his heart with Force lightning, Rey’s screams fell on deaf ears.

“Rey! _Rey!_ ”

She gasped and choked, kicked and flailed as she attempted to push her way free of the clinging embrace. Then she felt a palm on her cheek, a kiss pressed to her forehead, and she blinked, confused.

“Come back to me, Rey…”

Blinking some more, she flinched violently as she realized she was in Ben’s arms. With a howling wail, she flung herself into his arms, clinging desperately to him as tears spilled hot and free from the confines of her eyes. Despite that she knew precisely what was real and what wasn’t, she quickly pushed herself out of his arms enough that she could peer closely into his face. He was as she knew him, his hair as black as ever, his skin tight across his features. Even the scraggly two-day beard he’d allowed to grow during their stay on Dabos attested to this here as her reality, and she clung to him again, weeping in relief.

Gripped by abrupt urgency, Rey suddenly pushed her way out of Ben’s embrace. Lurching to her feet, she quickly noticed the Floxton docking bay through the viewport. She turned to Ben frantically.

“Call the kids!” she demanded, shouting the order again and again when he only looked at her in confusion. “Make sure they’re alright!”

Helpless to make herself more coherent in her current state of heightened alarm, Rey could only sob harshly when he finally climbed to his feet and launched himself into the pilot’s seat, reaching for the comms unit. She watched, her hands wringing violently, as he entered the long string of digits to connect him to his family. She stood back, weeping and anxiously awaiting the moment she could confirm this horrible sequence of events had not yet begun, could still be prevented. She determined that she would remain silent, allowing Ben to lead the call, despite his confusion over what was happening. But the moment Rose’s holographic face appeared floating above the comms panel, smiling happily in greeting and entirely unaware of the calamity to come, Rey surged forward.

“Rose!” she cried, falling to her knees at Ben’s side and drawing her startled gaze toward her. “Are the kids okay? Are you okay?”

“Yes,” she answered, her brow instantly furrowing in confusion. “We’re all fine. They’re playing outside. What’s going on?”

“Check on them. Please! Just…just put your eyes on them and tell me they’re alright, that they’re safe!”

To Rey’s profound relief, Rose didn’t question Rey’s request and merely nodded quickly before hurrying off to do as she asked. Once a field of faint static occupied the space where Rose’s face had hovered, Ben turned to Rey, his gaze dark and concerned. Frantic and in a state of wild anxiety, Rey could only shake her head, the horrible images the Force had seen fit to thrust upon her swimming with horrid lucidity inside her mind. Desperately and unsuccessfully, she pushed them aside, unprepared to re-examine them and certainly not ready to reveal to Ben what she had seen.

When the connection shimmered to life again, it was not Rose’s face that appeared but Finn’s. His expression was creased with anxiety, clearly having met Rose in her mad dash to check on the twins. His eyes oscillated restlessly between Ben and Rey.

“What’s going on?” Finn asked.

Ben eyed her uncertainly before responding. “I think Rey had a memory, or a vision,” he amended quickly at a quick shake of her head. Choked by desperate anxiety as she awaited Rose’s return, Rey could only nod ominously.

“Is everything alright there?” Ben asked cautiously, turning his attention back to Finn.

“Yes,” Finn answered emphatically. “It’s been great here. Very quiet, nothing to worry about at all. We expect Poe back tomorrow and—”

“Poe’s not there?” Rey interrupted suddenly, leaning forward in her anxiety and bracing her hands on Ben’s knee, gripping it tight. “He’s not back yet?”

Finn shook his head, his frown deepening. “No. Not yet. What’s wrong, Rey?”

Collapsing in relief with her hands braced firmly against the floor, Rey gasped and choked through her tears. She’d seen Poe die in that sudden attack, shot down by Imperial fighters. If he wasn’t there and the kids were well, then it hadn’t happened yet. Sobbing uncontrollably with relief, Rey felt Ben’s hand at her shoulder and she turned immediately to him, thrusting herself into his embrace as she wept out a confusing amalgamation of despair and relief.

“It hasn’t happened yet,” she managed between sobs. “We can still stop it.”

“Rey, they’re fine,” Rose’s voice came through the comms link then, her breath heaving with her run. “I saw them. They’re fine. What’s happened?”

A weak cry escaped Rey’s throat as she sagged in Ben’s arms for a moment. Then she pushed herself away, wiping frantically at her face and trying desperately to get herself under control as she turned her back to Ben. She forced herself to take long, slow, deep breaths, and listened as he attempted to make sense of what little information she’d given him.

“I don’t know anything yet,” Rey heard Ben explain, “but it sounds like your location has been compromised. You’ll need to pack up and move again.”

Rey could only imagine the annoyance with which Finn and Rose—and certainly the twins—would greet this news, but, to their credit, neither of them objected. Rey peeked over his shoulder and caught Ben peering closely at her, a question in his eyes. She nodded, confirming his supposition that they should move on yet again, and he transferred the gesture to his friends since Rey was out of range of the comms unit now.

“Do we need to go now?” Rose asked. “I mean, right this minute? Can we wait a day for Poe?”

Knowing this was beyond Ben’s capability to answer, Rey straightened and swiped a hand quickly across her face as she came back to his side. Feeling considerably calmer despite the wild trembling of her hands, she addressed Rose and Finn who gazed back at her with deep concern.

“You can wait for Poe, but you need to be ready to go as soon as he arrives. Don’t wait even an hour, and keep the twins with you at all times. Alright?”

They nodded dutifully and Rey let a pent-up breath escape, knowing she had done all she could. She echoed their gesture and turned aside slowly, deeply exhausted and heartsick. She wandered aimlessly, pressing her heated face into her cold palms and whimpering softly when the memory of adult Aileen murdering her father afflicted her.

“Are you still coming home soon?” Rey heard Finn ask softly, and Ben hesitated in responding.

She could feel Ben’s gaze boring into her back, but she was so weary and forlorn that she couldn’t bring herself to face him. She imagined him awaiting some sign from her, and sighing softly when she failed to provide it.

“I don’t— I don’t know. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”

“Alright,” Finn answered, but Rey could hear the misgivings in his voice. “You take care of yourself, okay? Both of you.”

“We will, Finn. I’ll talk to you soon.”

Rey turned just in time to see the holographic image of Finn and Rose’s faces fade to nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I’ve done it again… This chapter (which was originally supposed to be combined with the previous chapter) was on its way to being a very long one, so I decided to split it into two, in part to make sure I can stick to my every-four-days posting schedule. So, what was once supposed to be one chapter is now three! Wow, I’m so long winded…!
> 
> Anyway, here’s the FUBAR moment for you. Quite a shift in this chapter, huh? Wildly optimistic hope comes crashing down. Someone commented on the previous chapter that the last few paragraphs had them feeling hopeful, which was a good indication that I was about to pull the rug out from under you all. So…yeah. There’s the rug pull! I guess I’m becoming predictable, but I hope there are still some surprises left for you!
> 
> I’m really curious where you all think where Rey and Ben should or will go from here. What are your predictions? I’d love to hear your thoughts!!!
> 
> Up next: Facing Down Demons. I’m slowly but surely getting back on track now!


	27. Facing Down Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben confronts his demons exposed in Rey’s vision, and realizes he can’t let her leave him. So he strives to convince her of that, too.

After seeing Finn and Rose’s holographic images wink out of existence, Ben took a moment to bow his head and compose himself. With great trepidation, he rose from the pilot’s seat to face Rey. He watched as she held her breath and lifted her gaze, clearly attempting to face him with courage. But before he had a chance to stay anything, she let out a small whimper and rushed forward. Ben caught her in his arms as she burrowed into his embrace, sobs wrenching through her slight frame as she clung to him. He held her tight, tilting his face down into her hair and pressing first his lips then his cheek to the top of her head.

She wept freely, trembling with the memory of whatever she had experienced. He tried to give her the space she needed to reveal her vision in her own time, tried to lend her whatever emotional strength he could through the physical strength of his body, but it soon became evident that she was nowhere near ready to speak of it. In the meantime, the suspense of not knowing, of observing the depth of her misery and the desperate way she clung to him, left him feeling more and more agitated.

“Rey…” he murmured as gently as he could after a long time.

She sniffled and nodded, weakly extracting herself from his embrace, wiping furiously at her face. She took a deep breath, and Ben heard the air stuttering through her body, but still she seemed no closer to revealing what she’d seen.

“Rey, you need to tell me.”

She nodded again, placing a hand against his chest though she couldn’t seem to look him in the eye, murmuring _I know_ brokenly, over and over. She tried taking another breath and this one went more smoothly. Then she glanced anxiously about the cockpit, her eyes picking out different landing points but also skating over him, as though she couldn’t handle _actually_ looking at him.

“But not here,” she finally said.

He studied her a moment, instinct telling him there was no good reason for her to insist on such logistics beyond its delay of the inevitable for just a little longer. Despite his agony of suspense, Ben nodded subtly and watched in surprise as Rey’s expression suddenly cleared. The swelling around her eyes faded, the creasing of her brow eased, and her lips even turned upward in a pleasant smile. It was another moment before Ben realized it was an illusion, a Force glamour she’d had the presence of mind to lay over her features rather than attempt to affect an unconcerned demeanor that wouldn’t attract attention. Although he recognized her logic in the choice that freed her from having to worry about her appearance, Ben chose to affect the change in the standard way, easing the darkness that had settled over his countenance…though not too much because he ‘d long ound it kept people from approaching and bothering him.

With a slight nod, she signaled that she was ready to disembark. They were able to bypass the docking officer since Ben had already supplied all the necessary information through the comms on their approach, and they were soon enough advancing into the clean, white corridors leading away from the docking bay. To his surprise, Rey reached out for his hand and he accepted the silent request, comforted a little by the contact as they walked along at a comfortable pace.

Upon reaching their suite, Rey promptly dropped her Force disguise but neither of them attempted to separate their hands. In fact, Ben reached for her, pulling both her hands into his and gently drawing her near. Her face tilted up toward him and her sorrow-filled eyes met his deeply concerned gaze as his thumbs absently stroked her knuckles.

“Rey… please tell me,” he murmured with great intensity.

Gazing long into his face, the modicum of composure she had gained suddenly crumpled into oblivion.

“I don’t know that I can say it,” she croaked hoarsely, her voice breaking behind a fresh onslaught of tears.

“Then show me,” he suggested, surprised by her sudden and vehement denial in response.

“No! I can’t bear for you to see it.”

“Rey…” Ben sighed, frustration getting the best of him.

“I know,” she muttered over and over once again.

Ben watched, anxiety twisting in his stomach both for what she was about to reveal and for how it was clearly affecting her as she braced herself. After another moment of hesitation, though, she clearly gave in to the inevitability of her tears and stopped bothering to try and control them.

“I saw…Declan and Aileen…” she managed between gasping sobs, “captured. The Emperor… He…he _turned_ Aileen and she— She was vicious, Ben… Ben, I saw her… I saw her kill you.”

Ben felt the blood drain from his face and his gaze lost its focus. With a shuddering breath, he swayed on his feet then stumbled back from Rey slightly, losing his grip on her fingers in the process. Dazed, he turned aside and made his way unsteadily to a long sofa, where he more landed than sat on the cushions, sinking into its plush depths. Rey followed, kneeling down at his side and impulsively reclaiming his limp hand in hers. He hardly noticed her, though, staring ahead into nothingness as he spoke with distinct emotional detachment.

“I need to see it.”

“No!” Rey gasped suddenly, clutching at his hand and shaking her head violently. “No, ask me whatever you need to know, but you don’t need to see it.”

Before Ben knew what was happening, rage flooded him at her denial and he thundered her name. Her body seized and trembled as fresh tears and sobs instantly assailed her.

“No, Ben, no! Please don’t make me show you that. _Please_ …!”

Shocked and dismayed by his instinctual reaction, Ben nodded curtly. But he felt his cheeks flushing with the heat of the fiery fury taking root inside him as he braced himself for what he would hear.

“I saw three scenes,” she explained dutifully and swiftly, as though seeking to get through the telling as quickly as possible. “I saw a fighter attack the house on Dantooine—”

“I never told you they were on Dantooine,” he interrupted hastily.

Rey nodded. “But they are. I saw a wide field of tall grass, a low bunker camouflaged and hidden in the grasses. That’s their home, isn’t it?”

Ben, too, nodded, but he felt the fear that his rage had always camouflaged surge in strength. With those few details, he now knew that her vision, whatever it was, could not be discounted outright and therefore should not be taken lightly. He swallowed nervously.

“What else did you see?”

“I saw Poe shot down, and the house exploded in laser fire.”

Ben nodded, purposefully shoving aside the bits of her narrative that he needed to ignore in order to continue. But at least one mystery was now solved.

“That’s how you knew they could wait until Poe gets home, right?”

She nodded and he gestured for her to continue.

“I saw the Emperor…” She swallowed anxiously then plunged ahead. “I saw the Emperor torturing the kids. Declan had been beaten and the Emperor was needling Aileen to fight back.”

Pain lanced hot and keen through Ben’s body, distant horrible memories assailing him. He inhaled sharply and shut his eyes, lifting his face upward then away, struggling to contain his grief at what he was hearing. He sensed Rey rising up onto her knees, attempting to reach him or comfort him or he wasn’t sure what exactly, but he shook his head tersely. When he spoke, his voice sounded alien even to himself, weak, strained, and hoarse.

“You saw the Emperor? Did you recognize him?”

“No. He was all in shadow. I couldn’t see him and I didn’t recognize his voice.”

“Aileen wasn’t beaten?” he croaked, still attempting to puzzle through what information he could glean from her descriptions while continuing to battle his emotional reactions.

Rey shook her head and Ben’s jaw tightened, his face twisting in anguish once again as he failed in his endeavor. Timidly, Rey whispered to him.

“What does that mean?”

Ben inhaled deeply, lifting his face to the ceiling as a solitary tear finally broke free from his control. Ignoring it as it streaked its way toward his jaw, Ben answered in harsh tones.

“It means he knows Aileen is more susceptible to the Dark Side. He was using Declan against her, forcing her to fight for her brother.”

What he didn’t mention was that he knew all too well the methods that sadistic Dark Force users were known to employ in the manipulation of children. With a wrenching effort, Ben viciously shoved aside the thought, adamantly refusing to recognize the fruition of his darkest fears. Jerking his face downward to stare Rey in the eye with the coldness that resulted from his efforts, he demanded suddenly, “What else?”

She swallowed. “I saw you and Finn as prisoners.”

“When?” he interrupted before she could continue.

“Years later. Aileen was an adult. Maybe…twenty? Twenty-five? I don’t know.”

He nodded absently. “Continue…”

“She had your lightsaber and she… She…”

Rey fell silent suddenly, and Ben knew her throat had constricted against the words as she fought to get them out. Knowing she needed a gentle touch but simultaneously knowing he couldn’t provide it in his current state of apprehension and dismay, he reached for her hand again but gripped it hard.

“Close your eyes and spit it out,” he instructed harshly. “Just get it over with, Rey. I need to know.”

He watched as she genuinely tried to follow his guidance, but she still couldn’t speak.

“Pretend you’re talking to Hux,” Ben spat out, his patience all but gone.

Rey sputtered, her eyes wide and angry. “ _Hux_?!”

“ _Do_ it!” he shouted.

“She struck Finn down without a word!” she cried, her voice strident and angry. “Then she seized you with the Force and…and electrocuted you in your heart with lightning from her fingers.”

Rey gasped as the words left her, one hand covering her mouth as though she could erase them. Ben groaned darkly and hunched forward, hunching his back and lowering his head. He wasn’t sure what he had hoped for, but he was hearing his worst fears realized. It told him all he really needed to know, and yet he couldn’t help but search for more.

“Did she say anything?” he grated desperately.

Rey nodded sadly, answering in low tones, “She said you always chose me over her, even after I was dead.”

Hearing that Rey was dead while he yet lived struck him hard, and he lifted his head suddenly, his gaze meeting hers. Then the rest of what she’d said sank into his consciousness and a deep well of pain took root in his core. Dejected, forlorn, and grieved, he nodded.

“She’s right,” he mumbled. “I have. I always have.”

Feeling the heavy weight of his failure, Ben rose shakily to his feet. Rey’s hands slipped from his as he did, and she settled onto the floor, hands in her lap and head hung low. Recognizing her own heavy sorrow but helpless to assuage it, he shuffled away from her, coming to stand at the wide window, staring into the sunset that on any other day would be beautiful. Tonight, though, it was just…painful.

“What else?” he asked, a new numbness settling into his psyche.

Rey didn’t answer right away, and he turned slightly to see her wiping at her face. When she spoke, her voice also carried a measure of stupefaction.

“She said you’ve always known that day would come.”

Ben nodded, his arms hanging limp at his sides as he stared out into the beautiful landscape, and, to his mild astonishment, he found himself voicing his thoughts.

“I’ve feared it. Since before they were born. You—”

He halted himself abruptly, realizing what he’d been about to say. Then he swallowed, his neck craning forward with the weight of his grief as he proceeded in a dejected tone.

“You promised me we wouldn’t let that happen.”

Ben heard Rey’s stifled gasp, and he knew his words had stung. Although she most assuredly couldn’t be blamed for breaking that particular promise, it served as a reminder of just how much had been taken from them both. Half turning, Ben saw Rey, exhausted and wrung dry, slumped onto her side, leaning against the front of the cushy sofa, unable to support her own frame any longer. Her face rested on the edge of the seat and her weary eyes met his.

“She wanted you to fight her,” she murmured in a small voice, “but you refused.”

He nodded, turning back to the darkening scenery beyond the window, pondering that this detail rang true in his imagination. Not only his actions, but Aileen’s. Given all he knew of the Dark Side, of its capacity to fully encompass a person and blot out everything that wasn’t in some measure about power, he could only too well understand why she would demand that he engage her in combat. Unresisted execution, especially against someone who carried a burden of blame for some wrong, would be the height of insult to one fully embraced by the Dark Side. And from what he’d heard, Aileen had been entirely that in Rey’s vision.

“She used Force lightning,” Ben heard himself saying.

Rey didn’t respond and Ben wasn’t sure if she understood the significance of his revelation, but then he realized he was missing one last bit of information anyway.

“Were her eyes yellow?” he asked suddenly, turning partially toward her again, peering at her over his shoulder.

“Yes,” she responded, surprise evident in her voice and face. “Is that important?”

Ben sighed, despite that he’d expected exactly that.

“It’s a side-effect from years of immersion in the Dark Side,” he explained, his tone heavy. “And Force lightning is an advanced Dark Side skill. It means she was gone. There was no hope for her.” He hesitated, then added sorrowfully, “Even I never got that far.”

Weary, laden, Ben stared out once more at the distant, purpling sky. Despite his best efforts to the contrary, his mind raced along dire paths laid out before him, imagining the horrors and manipulations Aileen must have endured at the hands of the Emperor in order to turn her so thoroughly to the Dark Side. Rey hadn’t mentioned Declan in his adulthood, and Ben could only deduce that it meant either he was dead or continually subjected to some delicate balance between life and death in order to rein Aileen in and keep her under control. With the right circumstances, he could easily see how either approach could plunge his daughter into the sort of hopelessness for which the Dark Side seemed the only reprieve. He could ask Rey for confirmation of that supposition, of course, find out if she’d seen anything of Declan as an adult, but he simply didn’t feel up to hearing out about it now. His misery-laden soul had endured all he could for tonight, even though, as he had to continually remind himself, none of this had actually happened.

The irony that he had just today warned Rey to heed any visions she might have was not lost on him. In fact, given Poe’s presence in the vision and his current absence on Dantooine, it seemed his instinct had proven warranted since this particular vision had alerted them to a path that could be avoided. At least, it seemed that way. He was worried that they were inviting disaster by delaying the kids’ departure from Dantooine. While he himself didn’t have much experience with visions—in fact, the one he’d experienced so long ago when he’d touched Rey’s hand through their Force bond from across the galaxy had been his only experience—but he’d read plenty, and the consensus always seemed to advise caution.

Visions could not be relied upon for accuracy. After all, the future was a tricky thing, always revising, always shifting. Visions of the past could be much more trustworthy, but he’d heard enough now to convince him that Rey had seen the future. Or, one possible future. From what he could piece together, it seemed Aileen’s tangent toward Darkness occurred when the twins fell into the Emperor’s grasp. He therefore fervently hoped that the Force had sent Rey the vision in an attempt to thwart that event. Assuming the abduction would only take place on Dantooine and with Poe’s presence, they could be reasonably assured it had been thwarted already.

The trouble was that nothing was committed to history, and neither Dantooine nor Poe were necessary components to the Emperor’s seizure of his children. The greater objective, the more pertinent consequence of the vision therefore had to be increased vigilance for the children. He couldn’t say how the location of their Dantooine home had been compromised, but Rey’s description convinced him that it had been. He was uncomfortable with their remaining there, even merely for one day, and quickly made the decision that he would contact them right away to revise that decision. An emergency protocol was in place and Poe would know precisely what to do when he returned and found Finn, Rose, and the kids gone. It would be nice to have him with them, of course, but it was not essential. And Ben would feel better knowing they were safely away.

But there was another consequence of this, and one he couldn’t deny, which was that he needed to be there with them. He suspected that his children’s existence had largely gone unnoticed before now, probably because any number of close-calls they’d had in the years since Rey disappeared could easily have been interpreted as resulting in all of their deaths. If nothing else, the Force vision seemed to confirm that the anonymity they had enjoyed heretofore had now been truly annihilated. The twins were exposed and, surely, they would therefore be hunted all the more diligently now. He had never been entirely comfortable being away from them, but now Ben realized he could no longer bring himself to approach their safety as frivolously as he once had. He needed to be with them. He needed to maintain first-hand knowledge of and participation in their protection.

It was time to go home.

A sudden sound alerted him to Rey’s distress behind him. He turned sharply to find her face buried in the cushion, her fists clenched into tight fists as she moaned and hiccuped and sobbed out her torment.

“I’m sorry, Ben!” she wailed. “I’m so sorry! I thought I was protecting you, that you’d be safe if I was just far away. But it’s no use. No matter what I do, you get hurt!”

Suddenly wrenched from his solitary ponderings, Ben rushed to her side. She flinched violently and pulled away from his hands when he touched her shoulders, but he gripped her more firmly and forcibly turned her to face him as he knelt before her.

“You don’t know it was you,” he asserted, challenging her to contradict him. “You didn’t see anything to confirm that.”

As he suspected, she shook her head and opened her mouth to say _no_ , but her voice faltered and no sound emerged.

“So it might not have been you,” Ben persisted. “It could have been me, something I fucked up. Or there could have been a spy in the refugee camp. It could be anything, Rey. It doesn’t have to be you.”

“But it could be,” she protested weakly.

“I don’t care!” he cried, his unexpected passion startling both him and her. “We are being hunted by a sadistic, maniacal fuck, Rey! _He’s_ to blame, not you or me or anyone else. Don’t you _dare_ torture yourself into thinking otherwise!”

“But you were safe before you found me! For six years, Hux couldn’t find you. But then one week with me…”

“And I wouldn’t trade it for anything,” he insisted, suddenly cradling her cheek in one palm. His eyes bored into hers, his face scant inches away. “A lifetime of quiet safety isn’t enough to give up having you by my side.”

Her eyes swimming in tears, she sagged even further against the sofa at his words, a pathetic mewling emanating from her throat, but then she shook her head and pushed him roughly away. She leaned back, steadying herself with one hand braced to the floor behind her while the other hovered somewhere between them, torn between holding him at bay and pulling him closer.

“No,” she protested. “That kind of focus on me is exactly what pushed Aileen to the Dark Side!”

Feeing himself slipping over the edge yet again and helpless to stop his descent, Ben raged. “That hasn’t happened!”

“It will!” she insisted, overcome by renewed weeping. “I saw it!”

“You can’t know that!” he insisted desperately. “The Force was showing you one possible future. We can’t know how it came about. We can’t even know how to prevent it. For all we know, it may be too _late_ to stop it.”

“Then what’s the point?”

“That’s just it!” he cried, frustrated. “We can’t know what the vision means, but we _can_ choose how we interpret it. You look and choose to see the inevitability of fate. But I look and see proof that you need to stay with me.”

Her jaw dropped, incredulous. “How do you get to that?”

“You were planning to leave,” he accused flatly, not oblivious to but heedless of her cringing reaction to his harsh tone. “If it weren’t for that vision, you would probably be gone now. But instead you’re still here and we know the twins are safe and we’ve done everything we can for now to protect them. So, then, what’s next? How do we know going right back to our original plan won’t end in the same result?”

“How do we know it _won’t_?” she groaned disconsolately, to which Ben erupted again.

“We can’t, Rey! That’s my point! There’s no way _to_ know! So we need to use other criteria.”

“Like what?”

“Like this,” he said, suddenly lurching forward to catch her hand and press it to the center of his chest. “Like what I feel. What _you_ feel. That’s one thing we can trust in all of this!”

She shook her head frantically, attempting to tug her hand away from his but subsiding when he only leaned in closer to her. Instead, she turned aside, bending awkwardly as she attempted to put space between them that he just wasn’t allowing.

“Ben, please…” she whispered desperately.

“Tell me what you want, Rey.”

She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It _does_ matter!” he insisted. “It’s _all_ that matters!”

He pressed closer to her again, lifting her hand from his chest now to press his lips to her fingers. His eyes bored into hers as she inhaled shakily, desperately attempting to contain her reaction to him. Seeing her reticence to answer, he plunged ahead with a new tactic, in that very moment recognizing that he wouldn’t stop, wouldn’t relent until she accepted they were meant to be together. Suddenly suffused by a curious calm, he crept forward, crowding her as his low voice sounded intimately between them.

“Let me tell you want _I_ want.”

She moaned, clearly perceiving the new bent of his intentions. “Ben…”

“I want you,” he stated, flat, simple, and honest. “I want you in my arms, in my mind…in my bed. I want all of you, Rey, even if that means we have to run for the rest of our lives. I’ve spent six years without you, and I don’t want to go back to that, no matter what that means.”

“Ben,” she whispered, her tears forgotten in the wake of her astonishment, and she gazed up at him in a confusion of trepidation and joy. “I…”

“Tell me why we shouldn’t be together, Rey. And don’t give me any bullshit about knowing what will happen, because you _don’t_ know. Any more than I do.”

She shook her head as he continued to crowd her, one hand slipping forward to support the awkward slant of her body by cradling her back. Her hands gripped his arm, and he could feel the trembling of her fingers against him as she stared transfixed into his eyes with fear.

“It’s too risky—” she tried, but Ben impatiently cut her short, outright growling at her in frustration.

“Tell me what you want!”

“I want to be your wife!” she exploded as she shoved her way out of his grip.

Startled, Ben let her go as she awkwardly crawled back away from him. Noting the hysterical desperation in her eyes and the violent shuddering of her limbs, he recognized he had pushed her too far, that panic gripped her as she continued to rant at him.

“I want to be Declan and Aileen’s mother!” she wailed despondently. “I want to reclaim everything I was, everything the Emperor and Hux stole from me! But _not_ if it puts you in danger,” she concluded with a fist struck weakly at his chest. “Any of you! I don’t want to hurt you, Ben. I can’t handle that. And I’m so _afraid_ ,” she relented suddenly, her frantic fury giving way abruptly to desperate worry as her eyes pleaded with him to understand. “I’m so afraid of you dying, or of hurting the kids, or of disappointing you… I’m so incredibly afraid, Ben!”

Her face bowed low, succumbing to her anxiety and tears. Ben’s shoulders slumped as he recognized his mistake in pushing her too far. But the things she’d said… He couldn’t get them out of his head. And, though he knew now that his path needed to be more nuanced, he also took that as confirmation that he was heading in the right direction. With renewed conviction, Ben leaned in close to make certain she couldn’t miss his tender and heartfelt words.

“I love you, Rey. And I want you to be with me, no matter what that means. We’re safer together. I know that in my heart. I _feel_ it. Nothing good has ever come from us being apart. Not during the war, not now, not ever. And the only way you could ever disappoint me is if you give up on us.” Holding his breath for a moment, it quickly became clear that his words weren’t enough to convince her. Afraid and insecure, he closed his eyes and whispered harshly, “Gods, Rey! Please tell me I’m worth fighting for!”

For a moment, she was stunned by the sincerity of his plea. She stared, transfixed by his piercing gaze, then fell into fresh despair.

“Oh, gods…” she moaned weakly. “That’s what I’ve done all this time, isn’t it? I’ve been trying so hard to spare you pain, and I’ve just hurt you all the more.”

Serenity welling up inside him from a source he couldn’t pinpoint, Ben shook his head slightly, reaching for her hand to cradle it tenderly in his own. When he spoke, his words were simple, gentle, and sincere.

“So, stop.”

Rey stared at him, eyes wide, tears forgotten for the moment. He smiled kindly at her, allowing everything he felt for her to reflect in his gaze, and lowered his face slowly to kiss the knuckles of her hand delicately.

“Stop denying what’s between us,” he murmured, his voice low and sensuous, “and instead let us find out what we can be. Together.”

Her breath hitched softly in a gasp, and her lip trembled. “Ben…”

He waited, his gaze riveted upon her lips as he drew ever nearer. The lower one tucked inward, her teeth biting down on it in her uncertainty, and Ben felt blood surging through his body upon witnessing this detail. He nearly groaned with his need for her, exacerbated by the trauma of her vision and its implications. He needed her touch to heal him the way it always had, to reassure him that, as long as she was there with him, then all would be well. And he knew he could do that for her, too. But, still, she hesitated.

“Ben, I’m scared,” she whispered.

“Rey… Whatever comes along, good or bad, I don’t want to face it without you.”

Another shuddering gasp seized her, and Ben took blatant advantage of the momentary distraction to kiss her. It was a soft, tender kiss, requesting rather than demanding, and the heat inside his blood flared when small sounds of simultaneous protest and submission escaped her throat even as her lips molded to his. When he pulled back to look at her, her eyes remained closed for a moment then opened with languid lethargy.

“I love you, Rey,” he murmured, tracing one finger softly against her cheek. “Stay with me. Please.”

“Ben,” she rasped softly. “I love you, too.”

Ben closed his eyes, breathing deeply and reveling in the words he had waited so long to hear from her lips. Lifting his lids to gaze upon her again, he found her staring with wide eyes, tears streaming. Smiling softly, he reached out to smooth the trail of moisture from her cheek.

“Tell me, again, Rey. Please…”

“I do, Ben,” she answered, turning her face subtly into the pressure of his hand. “I love you.”

“So, stay with me,” he promptly begged.

She continued to stare and to weep. Fear clouded her gaze. Ben could see that clearly. But so did love and courage and determination. And she nodded, one hand lifting suddenly to press his palm to her skin and hold him there.

“I don’t want to be anywhere else,” she whispered.

With a barely repressed groan, Ben leaned forward and kissed her. Her arms flung swiftly over his shoulders as she pulled herself closer to him. Her mouth met his with the same ravenous need, the same ultimately futile effort to fuse their separate corporeal identities into one. For a sustained moment, there was nothing else for Ben, nothing but her and her mouth and her arms and the wholly intoxicating sound of her needy whimpers sounding from the depths of her throat. Then he abruptly realized they were on the floor, wedged uncomfortably between the sofa and an all-too-fragile-looking table. He was constricted and restrained, and surely she couldn’t be terribly comfortable—all of which were conditions he wasn’t willing to endure.

Without warning, he pulled back from Rey. But before she could do more than whine softly in protest, he pulled her into his arms and lifted her with him as he rose from the floor. Settling her into a comfortable position draped across his arms, he paused a moment to gaze into her beloved face, recognizing the lidded eyes and parted lips that spoke of her physical need for him, one he assumed to be exacerbated both by the long denial of what lay between them and the trauma of today’s events. At least, that was how it was for him.

Forcing himself to tear his eyes away from her for just a moment, he swiftly yet carefully made his way around the many obstacles of the suite’s sitting room and carried her into his bedroom. There, he knelt on the bed and laid her down into the plush environs of the covers with utmost care. Crawling next to her, he pulled her close once more into his arms, acquiescing readily when she stretched her chin forward to capture his mouth in a kiss. But when a sudden thought invaded unwelcome upon his mind, he pulled back suddenly to study her face.

“Rey…” he murmured, his voice hoarse with desire and desperate love. “You need to understand… I’m going to make love to you.”

He watched, his heart leaping within his chest as she responded to the blatant honesty in his words. Her breath quickened, her cheeks flushed, and her nails scraped his flesh as her hands clenched into his clothing. But what really got to him, made him groan low in his throat, was the sight of her pink tongue darting out to wet her lips as she gazed steadily and hungrily into his eyes.

“But it’s _you_ , Rey,” he rushed out before he could entirely forget himself. “It’s _you_ I’m here with, the woman I’ve spent the last couple months falling in love with, not the one I remember from before. You need to know that. There’s no illusion this time, Rey. Do you understand?”

Tears filled her eyes suddenly, but Ben immediately recognized the difference between these and all that had come before. And, if he wasn’t sure of it, her hasty nod confirmed it.

“Yes, Ben,” she rasped. “Yes, I understand. And I love you!”

 

CONTENT WARNING: SMUT SMUT SMUT! ‘Nuff said! (Skip to the end, if you must…!)

 

With a rush of desire, he kissed her hard, his tongue thrusting into her welcoming mouth as his arms pulled her to him. One hand traveled down her frame, tracing, pressing, and squeezing along the curve of her hip and onto her thigh as she flung her leg over him, pulling his already raging erection into the heat of her body. Startled by the pleasurable pressure, Ben threw his head back with a loud groan, and Rey took the opportunity to nuzzle at his neck, kissing and nipping at his flesh while her hands tugged relentlessly at his clothes.

“Ben…”

Consumed by his overwhelming need for her, it didn’t occur to him to answer her gasping breath. Instead, he was entirely focused on kissing her, his hands cupping her ass as he pressed his painfully hard cock into the juncture of her thighs in a wholly inadequate imitation of what was to come.

“Ben…!”

His hands briefly found the warmth of her skin as her tunic rose above her hips. Reaching desperately for the fleeting sensation again, his fingers sought her smooth flesh, his hands greedily snaking beneath her clothing to they could feel the strength of her back. His higher faculties thoroughly compromised by the flood of sensations coming at him, he was completely oblivious to Rey’s repeated attempts to gain his attention until at last she shoved at him through the Force.

In confusion and alarm, Ben fell back, his hands and mouth torn away from Rey. For a horrific moment, he thought he’d gone too far too fast, oblivious to her discomfort with the situation, his pent-up desire making him too forward for her comfort. But, then, as he continued to lay sprawled on his back, his eyes blinking repeated in surprise and concern, he saw a fierce determination possess her countenance as her eyes closed and her brow furrowed. An instant later, he was gasping loud and deep, over and over, the sudden onslaught overwhelming him.

To his astonishment, she had somehow reached into his psyche and flung the mental barrier that he’d all but forgotten fully open. In a rush, the entirety of Rey’s emotions—her desperate fears, but also her ardent love and irrepressible desire—assaulted him. Breathing deep and heavy, the question of how precisely she had managed to decimate his barrier to their bond seemed inconsequential as he processed the access to her mind that she had just granted him. The full depth and intensity of her love for him shook him to the core, as did the strength of her physical need. And it was that which he finally understood had been the cause of her attempts to reach him.

Drowning and overwhelmed by her own desires, Rey had found the construction of coherent words to be beyond her capability. Even now, as he took in the state of her being in the span of a heartbeat, all she could manage was another moan that sounded vaguely like his name. And, suddenly, Ben knew what she needed. _Skin_.

Only too happy to comply, Ben swiftly pushed himself out of the tangle of limbs in which they had already engaged. His heated gaze fixed upon her even as he rose onto his knees, hurriedly and impatiently gripping the edge of his tunic and yanking it over his head. Rey, seeing her mind had finally managed to overcome the deficiency of her voice, hastily followed suit, dexterously loosening and removing her own clothing as Ben worked at his trousers. There was no embarrassment as he bared himself physically to her hungry gaze, and knew she was likewise too consumed by the sight of him to be concerned with exposing herself. And when the hot flush of need stoked even higher in his blood at seeing the woman he loved bared before him, it only served to heighten her need for him.

No longer content to lay back and allow him to take charge, Rey abruptly pushed Ben onto his back, where he fell willingly. Reaching for her, he squeezed and kneaded her flesh wherever he could reach, contracting his abdomen in order to raise his torso enough to claim her breast in his mouth. Her fingers snaked into his hair as he heard a loud moan emit from her throat, and Ben’s hips ground forward, an instant of frustration and disappointment lancing its way through his mind as their current angle afforded him no counter pressure. Responding to the impulse he hadn’t yet recognized himself, Rey shoved him away from her again and seized his hardened cock before he could even think to protest.

Ben groaned loud and long, his hips jerking and thrusting at the sensation of Rey’s grip on him. Then he outright shouted when she suddenly impaled herself on him, his erection sliding effortlessly into her core. His hands clamped down on her hips as his own drove relentlessly upward with senseless desperation. Then, recognizing just how close his release was, Ben threw her aside, his cock springing back as it slipped from her body.

Rey whined in protest, but Ben tossed her onto her back and promptly settled himself between her thighs. His mouth claimed her most intimately and she bucked against him, her fingers instantly tangling in his hair again, pulling at his locks as she voiced her pleasure, beautiful gasps of breath coming in time with the strokes of his tongue at her entrance. Delighting in the taste of her and needing more of those moans, Ben reached forward and probed her core with one finger, quickly adding a second when he both heard through her moans and felt through their bond how much she liked that.

Then, pushing the wordless idea to her that he would stop if she wanted him to, he removed those fingers from her, drenched in the sloppy wetness that evidenced her desire for him, and pushed one gently but firmly at the puckered entrance just a little bit lower. As he felt her body yield to the pressure and his finger slipped inside her impossibly tight warmth, he also felt a wild elation that was accompanied by an outright cry of surprise and pleasure. Smiling against her entrance where he continued to minister with his tongue, Ben dared to wiggle that finger gently, reveling in the encouragement of her insensate jabbering.

Knowing her release to be close, Ben braced himself on one elbow and carefully slid a finger from his other hand inside her core, even as he renewed his attentions on the hardened nub at the apex of her slick folds. Rey gasped, her voice rising in volume along with the intensity of the sensations he was driving inside her. He licked, sucked, and even bit as she bucked and writhed and twisted beneath him. Then, with cries that thrilled him to no end, she crested, her orgasm seizing her in endless waves of pleasure, her body pulsating around his fingers. She cried out to the gods and stars, but most of all to him, his name falling repeatedly from her lips as he continued to pleasure her through her climax, the walls of both her entrances squeezing him tight with spasmodic reflexes every time he dragged his tongue across that stiffened nub.

Before she had quite managed to fall into a state of boneless bliss, Ben carefully extracted his fingers from her and kissed and nuzzled the inside of her thigh. He felt her disappointment at the loss of the fullness his digits had provided and he smiled, knowing the real fullness was yet to come. Reaching down, he gripped himself firmly, both surprised and not to find he was still impossibly hard. He moaned, tasting the remnant of Rey’s orgasm on his lips and anticipating the sensation of being inside her.

_Hurry!_

The clarity of the thought, shouted impatiently inside his mind in the timbre of Rey’s voice, startled him, but he was soon smiling. Climbing up the splayed landscape of her body, Ben found her half-lidded and whimpering with impatience. Obediently aligning his cock with her sopping wet entrance, he watched in delight as the ineffable bliss of slipping effortlessly inside her tight canal was mirrored on her face. Her eyes closed, her mouth parted, and she moaned in deep satisfaction. As Ben worked himself deeper and deeper inside, Rey spread her knees wider, giving him deeper access as she hitched her legs over his hips. Responding to the unspoken need for more, Ben began to thrust slowly along the entire length of his cock, each stroke teasing them both from tip to hilt until he suddenly slammed himself home inside her.

Rey’s eyes opened wide in surprise. Clouded by pleasure and passion, she gazed up at Ben and moaned lustily as he slammed into her yet again.

“Yes,” she muttered as he did it a third time. “Ben, _yes_!”

The sound of her voice, her exquisite pleasure at being joined with him, her nails scrabbling at his arms, her knees pulling even higher to grant him deeper access, his own emotions for this incredible woman, and his acute happiness in taking everything she had to offer him… All of this combined inside him, throwing him into an oblivion of sensation and driving need that had him pounding into her with relentless force. Maneuvering back a little onto his knees, pulling her along with him by her hips, he grunted and moaned as his cock slammed inside her, over and over, her breasts dancing before his gaze as her face swung side to side and she begged him for more.

Her orgasm took him by surprise, her voice shouting out in hoarse screams as her hands clutched senselessly at the bedclothes. Her core tightened around him and Ben shouted with his own release, driving inside her three more times before he suspended, holding her tight onto his cock as he pulsed and spurt deep inside her. The intensity of his orgasm lingering, he continued to move languidly inside her for a little, relishing the sharp tugs of pleasure his body continued to pull from him. And as he settled into stillness, he braced himself on his elbows and bowed his face down into her neck, continuing to breathe heavily with his exertions.

“Ben,” she murmured blissfully, and he could feel the sentiment even before she spoke the words. “I love you.”

His heart lurched, leaping in amazement inside his chest as he rolled to bring her on top of him. She squealed softly at the sudden movement, but settled agreeably onto his chest as he stroked her shoulder tenderly. He kissed her hair, her temple, every part of her he could reach, and when he felt her shudder with the coolness of encroaching air on her heated skin, he reached lethargically with the Force to pull the topmost layer of the bedclothes over them, folding them both inside its embrace.

“I love you, Rey,” he murmured, aware of her slipping toward sleep, her body and mind thoroughly exhausted by the day’s events. “I love you so very much.”

She hummed slightly in response, the weight of her body sinking into his in a way he simply adored. He held her securely, his fingers softly stroking her skin, aiding in lulling her to sleep. When she spoke again, he was surprised.

“Ben?” she whispered sleepily.

“Hmm?” he responded, pressing his lips softly to her forehead.

“Don’t ever let me go.”

Ben smiled and gently tightened his hold on her.

“Never, my angel. My love. My Rey…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, my dear, sweet, wonderful, awesome readers! So…? What do you think? *holding breath and suppressing insecurities!*
> 
> Well, I’m afraid it is time for me to give up the ghost. I started this story as a summer project and, unfortunately, as of Monday, summer is over. Classes start and I really need to find some way to get back on track with the responsibilities that have been quite derailed since becoming a diehard Reylo and finding all you wonderful people!
> 
> Additionally, I’ve been struggling lately with finding the motivation to write. My brain is occupied by all the very numerous, large, complex, and essential projects I’ve got coming up, and I really can’t afford to keep slacking on them the way I have been. And that has really affected my muse. I had been pushing through, hoping to be able to finish in these last few weeks, but the story keeps getting longer rather than shorter, and I think you all deserve the best possible version I can give you.
> 
> Never fear, I will still finish the story; I’m afraid it will just take longer than I’d hoped since I need to start taking more time between updates. I’m hoping I can still post new chapters once a week, but we’ll have to see how that goes. Please, please, PLEASE make sure you’re subscribed to this story so you’ll get notified when I do manage to update, and I hope leaving you hanging on this note of Ben and Rey’s emotional and physical unity is at least some consolation!
> 
> Ugh! Don’t you hate it when real life gets in the way!!!
> 
> I love and cherish you all, and I hope you won’t forget me!!!
> 
> —KC


	28. The Path Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey discuss their next step.

Rey stretched herself awake, a smile tugging at her mouth before she even fully remembered why. Languidly, she recalled this was her second awakening of the morning, the first having come about by the slow and gradual recognition of Ben’s hands smoothing all along the bare expanses of her body. She had groaned sensuously, turning cooperatively toward him and seeking out his mouth, which descended with all due passion onto hers. Whereas their orgasms last night — _all_ of them — had arisen from a desperate and frantic quality to their exploration of each others’ bodies, the morning was considerably more subdued, infinitely more tender, and entirely more loving. She lost herself in his kiss, his body, his mind, and slowly realized this was how it should be. When her pleasure crested over her, she arched against him, pulling him deeper and closer, clinging to him in ecstasy without any hint of anxiety, knowing bone-deep that he was hers and she was his. She had fallen asleep again in his arms, draped across his chest, feeling his fingers idly caressing the surface of her skin, his breath feathering lightly through her hair and onto her scalp.

When she woke again, though, only the memories of the tenderness accompanied her. He, himself, was missing. Momentarily alarmed, she sat upright, only to feel a sudden soothing of her anxieties from within her mind, and she smiled again. Since forcing his barriers open last night, the bond had been free and full between them, continually linking their minds in such an intimate way that it heightened every caress, every moan, every thought. Between the entwining of their bodies and their recovery in sleep, there hadn’t been much of an opportunity to discover what constant mental freedom between them really meant, but Rey realized belatedly that she’d already discovered it to be so familiar and accepted as to recede into her subconsciousness. At least, it was until Ben recognized her distress at finding him gone and responded by assuring her all was well.

Rey smiled again, concentrating on the sensation of Ben inside her mind, acquainting herself with all the nuances of his Force signature. She felt his awareness and consent to her perusal, even responding by opening himself further to invite her in deeper. Nothing was held back from her, even when she nudged at the edges of memories she knew instinctively he wasn’t proud of. Knowing at least some of what lay beyond that threshold and feeling no particular need to stray in that direction just now, Rey eased back from that brink, exploring other avenues instead.

To her utter fascination, she stumbled across the moment in which he’d found her on Cholganna and she smiled, aligning and reconciling their individual perspectives to yield a composite impression of the event. She felt his relief and disbelief at having finally found her, his barely contained need to drag her into his arms and hold her tight, combined with her own confusion of impulses that left her feeling oddly shaken by his appearance and drawn to knowing more about him. Gliding listlessly along this stream, she traced the memories of Cholganna, at last reaching his fateful decision to take her from the hostile planet by force. She recalled her sense of anger and violation at the event back when it occurred, but now realized she wouldn’t choose to have it any other way.

Deciding she’d spent long enough lingering in bed, Rey rose, stretching her naked body luxuriously as she did. Indulging a wide yawn, she tugged a sheet from the bed, haphazardly wrapping it around her body as she padded forth from the bedroom. Upon reaching the doorway, she caught the sound of Ben’s low voice murmuring, and it finally occurred to her to wonder what he was up to. Nudging the door open, she found him sitting at a table, his elbows braced on its surface, as he spoke in hushed tones to a small hologram before him. Noticing another wave of comforting reassurance emanating from him as her curiosity rose, Rey sidled around the perimeter of the room until she could see past Ben’s form that he was speaking to Poe, which only provoked her instinctive anxiety all the more.

_They’re fine. They’re safe._

She heard Ben’s voice in her mind, reassuring her with words where general impressions of emotion had failed. Startled for entirely different reasons, Rey drew to an abrupt halt mid-step. She knew this wasn’t the first time she’d heard Ben’s voice in her mind, but it was the first time she’d been at leisure to ponder the occurrence. She found it quite soothing, the sensation even managing to rear some measure of possessiveness inside her, delighting in the notion that no one else would ever experience his voice this way, only her. And she smiled when she felt Ben chuckle at that thought.

Then it occurred to her to wonder if he could hear her voice the same way. Closing her eyes in concentration, she thought hard about Ben, fixing the shape and feel of his presence in her mind, then pushed words toward him.

_Can you hear me?_

She felt a sudden jolt of some strong emotion and her eyes flew open in time to see Ben jerking in his seat, his head twisting in her direction for a moment before going right back to Poe.

“No, it’s nothing,” Rey heard Ben quickly saying to Poe. “Someone’s just yelling at me unnecessarily,” he added with an expression of mock annoyance cast over his shoulder toward Rey.

“Ah,” Poe answered, clearly following Ben’s lead where in not bothering to keep their voices lowered any longer. “She’s learned how to talk inside your head, has she?”

Ben laughed lightly, his face bowing downward as if ashamed, but his grin was wide and Rey could feel the warm rush of happiness flooding through him.

“Hi, Rey!” Poe called, completely ignoring Ben as he worked to regain his train of thought.

“Hi, Poe!” she responded happily, although she declined to step any closer to where Ben sat for fear her state of undress would be caught by the holographic camera in the little hand-held unit that sat before Ben on the table.

“So, I take it things are a bit different than the last time I saw you?”

Rey smiled, though she felt her face flush at least ten times darker than normal. Ben, meanwhile, cast another look over his shoulder, smiling warmly at her as Poe continued.

“I told you kissing her would work,” he admonished Ben lightly.

Deeply embarrassed by this, Rey turned aside, feeling her face burn with heat, but, at the same time, she smiled, feeling Ben’s warm and comforting affection flooding through her.

“Alright, Dameron,” Ben’s voice interrupted Rey’s mortification. “You’ve embarrassed her enough. You sure everything’s set on your end?”

“Yup,” Poe answered readily after chuckling out his amusement. “We’ve got our rendezvous set and I’ll see them by the time you crawl naked into bed—Well… As long as you wait until sunset!”

Ben’s voice barked in surprised laughter and an indignant huff escaped Rey’s lungs as her face flamed anew.

“Go away, Poe!” Ben groaned, his tone harsh despite his broad smile.

“Alright, buddy,” Poe laughed. “See you both soon.”

And then, mercifully, he was gone. Rey approached Ben quickly as he turned in his seat to face her, his arms reaching automatically for her as he drew her onto his lap, holding her close.

“If I’d known he was like that, I wouldn’t have made him a friend,” she muttered in mock grumpiness.

“I’d love to tell you he’ll back off eventually,” Ben responded, contentedly nuzzling Rey’s shoulder, “but he won’t. And, besides… He’s right.”

Rey gasped slightly at the sensation of Ben’s teeth grazing her skin, and she felt a distinct and by now wholly familiar tingling take root deep in the core of her body.

“About what?” she wondered, her voice low, languid, and sensuous.

“I’ll be back in bed with you well before sunset.”

Rey smiled, breathing deeply as she craned her neck in order to give him better access. She shifted in his lap, already feeling the stiffening beneath his loose clothing, her body responding to what she knew all too well that meant. She hummed, feeling the buzz of desire and passion flowing between their minds as well as their bodies, sighing pleasurably when a massive hand enveloped her petite breast.

“Who says we need a bed?” she murmured.

Rey leaned down and forcefully claimed his mouth in a searing kiss at the same moment that she felt a flare of heat rise through their bond. She’d intended to take control, to take what she wanted from him, but the moment his arms clasped tight around her and his tongue thrust deep inside her mouth, she was lost to the instincts and desires that lived and breathed somewhere in the infinitesimal spaces between them. She wasn’t consciously aware of reaching into his loose pants and slipping her hand around his hardened cock, any more than she was of the way he reached forward to yank the sheet away. The next thing she knew, she was straddling his knees, leaning to kiss him ravenously while one hand gripped his sex and the other balanced her weight with a palm to his chest. Vaguely, she thought maybe he’d lifted her with the Force to position her this way, considering how easily and thoughtlessly it had been accomplished—or maybe she’d done it herself—but the next thing she knew, his fingers were roaming inside her soaked entrance and such thoughts were promptly eradicated from her consciousness.

Arching backward, Rey cried out at the sensation she craved, pressing her hips into his hand even as his mouth claimed her breast. Suddenly seized by impatience, she pushed him back, gasping in surprise and delight when his teeth grazed her nipple rather indelicately as she positioned herself right where she most wanted to be. She recognized his affinity with her aims, and so didn’t mind when his hand withdrew from her folds. Hooking her heels in at the supports of the chair beneath him, Rey raised her hips above his, then groaned out loud in very vocal satisfaction as his cock filled her.

The moment she rested fully impaled upon him, she lifted her face to confront him and was immediately undone by the expression of immeasurable love and tenderness with which he gazed upon her. Transfixed by the intimate moment, Rey forgot about the passionate desire surging between them, aware only of his eyes as they delved into hers, his thumb as it stroked her cheek and made her feel like the most treasured commodity in the galaxy. She felt the overwhelming capacity of his love for her overflowing his consciousness and spilling into hers, causing her own love to expand exponentially and likewise run over. She stared, amazed and awed by what she saw and felt, knowing he was experiencing much the same.

Words were not needed between them, the full measure of their emotions laid bare to one another within their minds. Their kisses, just like their love-making, were slow, deep, and meaningful. And when Rey reached her orgasm, it was with soft, gasping breaths, her limbs clinging to Ben’s form in mimicry of the convulsive pulsing of her core around his cock as he spilled himself inside her with an equally breathless cry.

Thoroughly wrung of all her energy, Rey slumped against Ben, trusting in him to support the weight of her body. When he lifted her and carefully moved her back to the bed from whence she’d come, she snuggled against him, her body and mind saturated by languid satisfaction. And when he deposited her gently among the rumpled covers, she eagerly molded herself to his side, happy within his embrace, every one of her senses filled with everything that was Ben Solo.

Despite her boneless contentment, though, Rey found she wasn’t inclined toward sleep. And, with a quick check of their bond, she found Ben wasn’t asleep either. In fact, he was quite absorbed in thoughts that she sensed centered around the kids, which led to her own thoughts that she’d been passively resisting throughout the night and morning. Now, though, it seemed the time was ripe to confront them. Thanks to the bond, not only was Ben instantly aware of the serious bent of her thoughts, but she knew it too. Before he could inquire, though, she quickly pursued a different matter.

“Is Poe home already?”

“No,” Ben answered, “he’s still en route. But he talked to Finn and they’ve already left Dantooine.”

“Really?” Rey asked, surprised.

Ben nodded. “They figured it was safer that way.”

Rey sighed gently and snuggled in closer to him. “I’m glad they did.”

Ben voiced a small grunt of agreement, but fell to his own ponderings rather than respond verbally. Rey could feel his spinning thoughts, and she mentally steeled herself for the conversation that had to take place.

“You’re thinking about getting back to the them. To the twins.”

Ben squeezed her, holding her close, but she could feel the affirmation streaking along their bond.

“I’ve been gone a long time,” he murmured in assent. “Far longer than usual. And knowing what the Emperor wants to do…” He shuddered, holding her close again for comfort. “I need to get back to them. I need to know they’re safe and I need to have a hand in keeping them that way.”

Rey nodded, absently stroking a finger against the taut skin of Ben’s chest. She’d known that was how he felt, and she knew he had every right to that. In fact, if he were to ask, she’d tell him she entirely supported his position. And, yet, it was still at odds with the thoughts simmering deep within her psyche, and that alarmed her.

“I know you’re worried about them,” Ben murmured gently, “about them accepting you. Especially Aileen. But she’ll come around eventually.”

“That’s not what’s bothering me, Ben,” she sighed, silently chastising herself for forgetting that he had just as much access to her thoughts and feelings as she did to his.

Instantly, his body stiffened beneath her, the fingers that had been caressing her shoulder suddenly stilled.

“You don’t want to come back with me?” he guessed, his voice carefully subdued, cautious.

“No!” Rey cried, pushing herself up onto her elbow so she could look into his eyes. “No, it’s not that at all!”

She saw the relief flood through his expression, and she cursed herself for having handled this so poorly that he’d thought for even one moment she wasn’t entirely and fully committed to him and their children. Almost as quickly, she watched as the relief was replaced by the same confusion she felt skimming along their bond.

“Then why—?”

“All their lives, all they’ve known is living in hiding, running from a faceless threat. And I can’t help but wonder if that’s all you should really want for them.”

Ben blinked in surprise, his head cocking slightly as he considered her words and where they may be leading. Rey sighed and pushed herself away from him, sitting by his side with her legs curled beneath her. Almost as an afterthought, she reached aside for her tunic and pulled it over her head, then tugged a blanket over to strategically cover Ben. He was, after all, entirely too much of a distraction.

“I may not remember much, Ben,” she began with another sigh, “but I’ve lived both ways. It was a lie, yes, but I believed myself to be safe and protected when I was on Cholganna. And I’ve lived in a state of constant watchfulness since then, always looking over my shoulder, wondering when and how I’ll make a fatal mistake… That might have been alright while there was a chance the Emperor thought all of you were dead, but we know that possibility is gone now. Aileen and Declan will be hunted all the more now. You told me that yourself. And what kind of life is that? You can’t really want that for them.”

“Of course, I don’t!” he burst softly, his expression pained and the bond flaring with frustration. “But what choice do we have?”

Gently and without hesitation, her eyes focused on her anxiously twisting fingers, Rey answered, “Eliminate the threat.”

The shock registering through the bond was stark and absolute. Ben stared hard at Rey, his eyes slightly widened and his jaw slack. She returned his stare now, her gaze unwavering despite the anxiety coursing through her mind and across to his. Slowly, as his mind probed hers for any indication she didn’t fully mean the words she spoke, Ben pushed himself toward sitting. They watched one another closely for another moment, Ben assessing and Rey enduring. Finally, he sighed with a sense of wonder.

“You’re serious.”

“If we run and keep running, we’ll never be free,” she argued vehemently, her tone conveying her desperation for him to understand. “We’ll be just as trapped as I was under that shield. And, inevitably, something will happen. How can it not? And the guilt I felt when I realized it was something I did, a mistake I made that caused the raid on Corellia…? I don’t want Declan or Aileen ever to know what that feels like.”

“I don’t disagree with any of that,” Ben objected, his frustration growing. “But what do you suggest?”

“Surrender to the Emperor to gain access to him, then take him out. End all of this. Without him, there’s no threat to us or the twins.”

Ben shook his head then started moving away from her. She followed him, crawling her way off the bed while he pulled on his trousers then stood with his hands on his hips and his head hanging low.

“You’ve done this before,” he said at last, “and with not great results.”

Rey frowned. “I did?”

“When you found out from Luke what had happened at the academy, you surrendered yourself to the First Order in hopes of turning me. Instead, I turned you in to Snoke.”

“Yes,” Rey responded. “And you killed Snoke.”

She remembered clearly from his late night stories on Corellia what had happened next and chose not to recap the events, knowing how deeply the memories still pained him.

“Well, what you don’t know is that Luke tried that with Darth Vader, too, and almost died in the process.”

“What?” Rey asked, surprised.

Ben nodded. “Vader killed the Emperor rather than let him kill Luke.”

Rey stared. “But—Ben… That’s just like…” She sighed heavily, working to straighten her thoughts amid her rising enthusiasm. “Don’t you see? Twice now, Imperial leaders were brought down by people fighting for someone they love. That’s us, Ben! Us, fighting for Declan and Aileen. Don’t you see? We have history on our side!”

“No!” he cried, desperation and anxiety clouding the bond. “You don’t get it! I know these dictators, Rey! I’ve seen how they work. I’ve _aided_ it! You don’t know the power they wield, the harm they can do. Our best bet is to stay as far away from them as possible.”

“Oh,” she snarked as anger sparked inside her head, “and let them trounce all over the galaxy, taking what they want by any means they wish?”

Ben groaned long and heavy. “Gods, now you sound like my mother.”

“No, Ben, listen to me. The difference is that we’re not trying to save anyone. We’re not trying to turn someone we love from a path they’ve chosen. We’re just trying to protect our children, to give them a chance to live and grow free from threat.”

“No, it’s too risky. We’re free now, Rey! We can just disappear into vast space, never to be heard from again! We can all be together and everything will be fine—”

“Until it’s not,” she interrupted quickly. “Ben… I know you don’t want to hear this, but I’ve _seen_ what will happen if the Emperor gets his hands on our children. And I won’t let that come to pass.”

“Even if you end up sacrificing your life for it?”

Rey looked at him sadly. His eyes were wild and desperate at the thought of losing her again after having only just found her again, and she felt the phantom pain in his mind, the desperation with which he sought to deny that possibility. But Rey had a competing image in hers, the vision of Aileen, eyes yellowed by exposure to the Dark Side, so far lost to her anger and pain that she would kill her own father in cold blood. And she knew in her heart that she was wholly and entirely committed to doing whatever it took to prevent that from ever happening. And so, when she spoke in answer to Ben’s question, it was with a single word, offered in a soft, even apologetic tone, but with all the conviction the entirety of her being could muster.

“Yes.”

Ben stared, and Rey felt the tumult of confusion inside him, a conflict born of his simultaneous dread and awe at recognizing the depth of Rey’s devotion to their children. He was moved to new depths of love for her through her unconditional acceptance of his children as her own, despite the deficiencies of her memory. But at the same time, he couldn’t handle the thought of putting her in danger, of possibly losing her again, not to mention the threat to his own life. Rey felt his own conviction, knowing he would unequivocally sacrifice himself for either her or their children; it was his willingness to sacrifice _her_ that proved a greater obstacle.

As she watched him wander slowly away, the confusing swirl of thoughts roaming along the bond informing her that he needed time to sort out his emotions, Rey reflected that she entirely understood his dilemma. She certainly didn’t want to lose him, especially not after having just allowed herself to claim his heart as her own. But they had already managed to dodge one threat. How long could they hope to continue doing that before cunning, inattentiveness, or just dumb luck caught up with them, one simple mistake—like using the wrong fingerscan to pay for drinks—led to disastrous effects? It was a question that, the more Rey pondered it, the less she was willing to indulge. She’d only just reclaimed her family, and half of it so far in name only. She wanted to experience what it was they’d all shared together before her abduction, before they’d been torn apart. And she wanted that so much she was willing to do everything in her power to make that possible. It was just as simple as that…and as complex.

Rey wasn’t sure how long she had been absorbed in her own thoughts, and Ben in his, but when she felt a sudden jolt of conviction filtered through the bond, she was mildly surprised to find herself leaning against the doorway of the bedroom, watching Ben wandering among the finery of the suite’s sitting room. Alert to the fact that he’d reached a decision despite that she couldn’t quite sense what it was, Rey pushed herself away from the jamb. She moved slowly into the room, dodging tables and chairs and sofas as necessary, focused on Ben, who continued to stand with his arms folded tightly and his head bowed low. Finally, he turned, and she saw his expression set in rigid lines, the determination clear in his eyes.

“Alright,” he agreed, “but we go after Hux.”

Rey gasped, feeling anxiety pulse low in her gut. She hadn’t realized until that very moment how much she _didn’t_ want to encounter the man who’d deceived her into believing she loved him, who had in fact manipulated and tortured her for years. The thought of standing before him sickened her, and she felt her instinctive response to Ben’s words, urging her to run away— _far_ away—from the possibility that she might have to confront that ginger bastard and all he’d done to her.

But, at the same time, she felt the horrible tempest of Ben’s rage, his fury over the same occurrences that frightened her, and Rey slowly felt the intensity of his lust for vengeance seeping into her psyche. As righteous anger supplanted her fear, Rey shook her head forcefully, pushing herself to think strategically rather than emotionally.

“Hux isn’t the real threat,” she countered.

“I used to think the same way,” he responded readily, nodding his head. “And, yet, he survived Snoke. He survived Cerisse. And he always returns. If he survives this Emperor too, he’ll come back. He’ll find some other source of power that he can exploit for his own nefarious purposes and simply continue to wreak havoc on the galaxy. No, this time, he dies. And, this time, we make sure he _stays_ dead.”

Rey pondered his words, wholly aware of the conviction with which he spoke. Still, it struck her as bordering on irresponsible.

“Ben, I understand your anger with Hux and I share it. But he’s not the problem. The Emperor is.”

“No, that’s what I’m saying, Rey. Hux is _always_ the problem. We made the mistake last time of thinking he was inconsequential enough to just ignore, but he stirred up all kinds of mischief. I still don’t even know how he managed to survive, because I distinctly remember seeing him in the middle of that explosion. But he was a problem after the dissolution of the New Empire, and that was even before he found _this_ Emperor to create the Second Galactic Empire!”

“But Hux isn’t the one after the kids! The _Emperor_ is!”

“You don’t think Hux would take them out the first chance he got? Of _course_ he’s a threat!”

Rey turned sharply aside, fuming angrily. She saw Ben’s point, she really did, but she also knew he was getting distracted by his desire for revenge. She had no reservations regarding Hux being dangerous, but she’d seen the effect the Emperor had on Aileen and knew there was no way Hux, with his definitive lack of access to the Force, could possibly cause such a change. _That_ was _her_ concern, to protect the children at all costs. As much as she would like to indulge both Ben’s and her own longing for retribution, it simply wasn’t the first priority.

“Fine,” she spat, turning back toward him with absolute determination on her face. “I agree, we take out Hux. But only _after_ the Emperor.”

But, to her annoyance, Ben was already shaking his head.

“He’s reclusive, always hiding behind Hux’s back. That’s why no one knows anything about who he is. With the lengths he’s already gone through to keep his identity secret, he probably won’t expose himself, even for us. So we’ll have to go through Hux anyway.”

Rey twisted her lips bitterly at Ben’s logic, biting back a snide comment about the convenience of his thinking and also hating that he was probably right. But before she could identify a rational objection to his conclusion, he was there, gripping her by the shoulders and peering directly into her face, his own features drawn in a tight expression of concern and sincerity.

“I know you hate the thought of seeing him again,” Ben murmured in a soothing tone. “I know how consumed you are by thoughts of everything you suffered at his hands. All I can tell you, Rey, is you won’t face him alone. I swear it.”

She stared up at him, overwhelmed by the profound love she felt for him, and her eyes filled with tears of wonder as she recognized his devotion to her. He was right, of course. How could he not be, considering his access to everything she felt. But what really floored her was that he’d picked up on the true reason for her reticence even before she had. Yes, she was afraid of Hux, of the unspeakable things he’d done to her. Even the recognition that she couldn’t remember everything he’d done was of little comfort, the lack of awareness leaving her to imagine the worst possible scenarios. But knowing that Ben would be right there with her, at her side, protecting and helping her, made the task seem less daunting, less alarming, and she found her own conviction strengthened.

Finally, she nodded. “Alright, Ben. We’ll take care of Hux first, but not until we’ve gathered enough information from him that we know how to locate the Emperor.”

“That shouldn’t be too difficult,” he mused. “Hux will want to gloat once he thinks he has the upper hand. He won’t be able to help himself.”

“But as much as we want to get back at him, he’s still primarily a means to an end. Right?”

Ben nodded, his face grim. “Yes, Rey. I agree.”

At last, she smiled a little. There was still so much to think about, so much to plan. But, in this moment, she knew all would be well. She closed her eyes and savored the contact as Ben pulled her toward him and pressed his lips to her forehead. Her hands lifted to his bare abdomen and circled around his back as she tucked herself securely into his embrace, relishing the feel and scent of his warm flesh under her hands and cheek. In this moment, everything was possible, nothing too challenging, and she even nodded in agreement when a wave of determination swept over her through their wide open and flowing bond, and Ben voiced one more thought on the matter.

“But Hux _will_ die.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my lovely, wonderful, devoted readers!!! Thank you so much for all your comments on the last chapter, especially all your support of my having to slow down in my updates. It was really so much of a comfort to get back into classes this week and being able to focus on my real life obligations, knowing that you would be here when I was able to get back to the story. And just to reiterate my position…I WILL finish this story!!! I will NOT leave you hanging!!!
> 
> So, throughout much of this story, I’ve read many comments about Hux. As you may have noticed, he hasn’t played much of an active role in this story to date. So…it appears, if Ben has anything to say about it, that will be changing very soon!!!
> 
> I’m so excited to post this update for your all. Please share your thoughts and reactions! Your comments truly are a drug for me, and they keep me going, despite the call of the dissertation!!!
> 
> My plan since classes have started again is to use weekends as my “me” time, which translates to my Reylo writing time! With that in mind, I hope to have an update out to you each week, or every other week at the most. You may have noticed, I’ve also gotten slower at responding to comments, but I do still read and value every one of them! And I also commit to responding to each one…eventually!
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me through it all!!! It really means the world to me!!!!!


	29. The Call of Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey surrender to the Empire, but will their plan go off without a hitch?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNINGS: There are a few brief mentions of RAPE and psychological TORTURE, as well as some brief NON-CON TOUCHING. While some references are graphic, all are very brief. (I’m saving the really bad stuff for the next chapter…)

Ben not only knew the instant the star destroyer had arrived, but also the instant that Rey became aware of the same. It was a strange feedback of sensations — awareness passing from him, to her, and back to him again — that he cherished all the more since he knew it would be gone soon. Glancing through the bars that separated them, he saw his grim sense of fatalism reflected in her face, and he wondered yet again why they were doing this.

They had arrived at the small outpost just beyond the city’s edge during the afternoon yesterday. At first, they had been dismissed as some sort of prank, the solitary officer and her lone stormtrooper manning the office requiring a demonstration of their Force abilities before she would deign to take them seriously. Once she had, she’d put in the call for reinforcements then locked Ben and Rey in separate cells while the stormtrooper guarded them. Their replacements at shift-change in the evening, though, had been considerably less diligent in guarding the prisoners. Left to their own devices, Ben had merely opened both their cells so they could spend the night enclosed in one another’s embrace, awaiting the dawn.

The plan had gone without a hitch so far, neither set of Imperial personnel manning the underutilized outpost having noticed the incendiary bombs concealed in Force energy that they both carried. The real test, though, was coming. As he’d anticipated, the outpost hadn’t owned even one Force-dampening collar or set of binders, let alone two, and so they’d been able to maintain the bond between their minds throughout the night. The arrival of the star destroyer orbiting Galea, however, meant that was soon to be changing, and then the big question would be answered. Would the incendiary bombs become perceptible once Ben and Rey’s connection to the Force was interrupted, or would their camouflage hold despite the of access? With no conceivable way to test the matter beforehand, this had been one of the many sources of Ben’s anxiety in moving forward.

Not to mention it meant he would be alone inside his mind again.

It had only been a little more than one standard solar day that the bond had lain open between them, but the sensation was so familiar, so dear, so desperately missed for so long that it was almost as if Ben couldn’t recall being without it. To know that, soon enough, Imperial troopers would be marching in here to affix a cold metal device about his wrists or neck — probably neck, knowing Hux — which would take that beloved access to Rey’s psyche away from him… It was a disturbing reality, to say the least, one he’d known right away they would have to confront, but now, with the time drawing nigh, Ben wasn’t so sure he was willing to do it.

“Ben…”

He glanced up to find Rey watching him intently. At the first rays of light filtering through the high, narrow windows, they had separated and returned to the pretense of incarceration, each ensconced within their separate cells despite the absurdly simple reality that they could walk out anytime they wished. But, rather than claiming the freedom that was so easily within their grasp, Ben had returned to his cell, easing the iron gate shut behind him as quietly as he could.

“Ben,” Rey repeated, her voice hushed as she gazed intently upon him. “It will work. We can do this.”

Despite her clear intentions toward easing his mind, Ben exhaled sharply in annoyance, his hands running restlessly through his hair in outward expression of his pent up anxiety.

“It amazes me that you can be so sure of that,” he groaned, “when I can’t.”

Her access to the Force had been full and complete for some time now, and there were moments when Ben even had some inkling that her connection to the universe’s energy was more instinctual, somehow, even than his own. But the inconsistencies of her memory, her lack of any formal training, her constant amazement at what the Force could accomplish… These were limitations that didn’t afflict him and never had. And, yet, _she_ was the one who could say with any measure of certainty that the twin unknowns in their plan would not inhibit them. As tempted as he was to rest his faith in her, the consequences weighed heavily on him. After all, if they were wrong on either of these points, they might as well take a blaster to their skulls themselves. And, as cavalier as Ben could be at times in the preservation of his own wellbeing, he was considerably less inclined to willingly and naively march the woman he loved more than life itself toward her death.

“The camouflage will hold, Ben,” Rey reassured him for at least the hundredth time. “I _feel_ it.”

But he wasn’t comforted.

Pressing against the three small but powerful bombs concealed within his clothing, he recalled the way the officer’s trembling hands had moved right over them during her search, neither feeling nor seeing their shape. Checking yet again, he knew that the sheath of Force energy that surrounded them was intact and yet utterly independent of his consciousness. There was no reason to assume that the bombs would be revealed once his access to the Force was cut off, but there was no reason to assume they wouldn’t, either. Other than faith, that was. And Rey simply seemed to have a far more abundant supply of that just now than he did.

But, really, in the grander scheme of things, this was a smaller concern for him. Of greater worry was the fact that the Force-dampening technology would also sever their bond, isolating each of them from one another and limiting their means of communication and collaboration to the resources available to anyone else in the galaxy. And, as surely as Rey simply _knew_ that the Force camouflage would hold, Ben _knew_ that they would need one another in the confrontations to come. As obviously true as this was for the Emperor, it was also potentially just as accurate with Hux.

Thanks to their conjoined past, his erstwhile colleague knew precisely what the Force was capable of, and Ben knew he would take every precaution to give himself the advantage. It had been years since Ben was in a position to know precisely what that meant, what resources the Empire had at its disposal to combat and subdue enemies, particularly of the Force-wielding variety. And, while instinct and experience led him to believe he and Rey together could overcome the technologies and resources they had come up against in the past, he was less inclined to trust that small voice inside his mind. After all, this was too important. If he was wrong, it meant not only his death, but Rey’s. Not to mention the broader implications of the galaxy losing its last fully developed and self-aware Force users. It was just too much. The responsibility for a wrong guess in this matter weighed heavily on Ben’s psyche and, by extension, on Rey’s.

“We can still escape,” Ben blurted, his doubt suddenly getting the best of him. “We can get away, come up with a better plan, some way to make certain we hold the upper hand when we confront the Emperor.”

Entirely cognizant of the desperation in his voice, he felt Rey’s soothing touch in his mind as she smiled gently while shaking her head.

“Ben, we can’t wait. We have to do this. For Aileen. For Declan.”

And…there. There it was, the means by which she had gotten him to agree to this rash act in the first place and by which she’d managed to convince him every time he got to thinking too much. He bowed his face, tension coursing throughout his body in a mad, desperate bid for freedom. But he felt the long, gentle tendrils of Rey’s consciousness, the assuredness of her love and devotion, as well as her conviction, easing through him like the flow of warm, soothing water. Closing his eyes and curling his body in upon itself, he clenched at the sensation, feeling her calmness, her certainty, and her love invading him as he shuddered violently for an instant. And when he unfurled, his spine arching as his arms and neck stretched backward, he felt the anxiety ease from him, replaced by determination, if not quite faith. With a deep, careful breath, Ben gazed upon his wife, the woman who had been more to him throughout his largely bleak life than he’d ever deserved. And he smiled.

“I love you,” he murmured, feeling the warmth slipping along the somehow simultaneously fragile yet strong bond that connected them.

He felt her responding surge of affection and affirmation, but her focus was torn suddenly away from him before she could speak. Directing his focus outward, he felt it too: a squad of stormtroopers with a uniformed captain at their lead and two stealth troopers concealed beyond, clearly planning to take them out from further afield rather than allow them to escape, should that prove their plan. It wasn’t, of course, so Ben quickly dismissed those two, knowing they would not come into play…

…unless they were under orders to kill them regardless.

He looked over at Rey, fresh anxiety bubbling up in his mind that this whole plan could turn against them very quickly, should Hux decide to simply take the opportunity they’d handed him to wipe them out once and for all. As his gaze met Rey’s he pondered yet again how foolish they were being and hoped that the Force was on their side.

Then, with the sudden clamor of troops arriving at the outpost and marching their way inexorably into the holding cells, Ben’s thoughts were cut short. He rose to his feet, his body rigid as his eyes fell upon the devices held in the officer’s hands. Collars, as he’d anticipated. Oddly, he took comfort in this realization of his expectations. If he had correctly anticipated such a minor detail as Hux ordering Force-dampening collars for their dehumanizing effect rather than more dignity-preserving wrist binders, perhaps his expectations would hold true on more important matters. And, if that were the case, then maybe he and Rey didn’t need to be kissing their asses goodbye right now.

Feeling and heeding Rey’s warning inside his head, it took all of Ben’s will power not to fight the troopers as they stormed inside his cell, especially when one decided to strike him across the jaw despite that he was making absolutely no hints toward resistance. Righting himself, he narrowed his eyes and clenched his fists, rage radiating from his expression and posture. And apparently that was enough for two troopers to decide he had to be subdued entirely. To the accompaniment of Rey’s shouts of protest, a trooper grabbed each arm and pushed him down to the floor on his knees to the accompaniment of blows and kicks. Hearing the fury in Rey’s voice and entirely focused on keeping this kind of treatment away from her, Ben complied without reservation. His arms were bound behind his back, but it wasn’t until the officer stepped forward with the collar that Ben felt the sickening sensation gripping his insides.

_Ben…!_

He felt Rey’s anxiety, the desperation reflected in her tone within his mind, and then she was gone. Startled, he snapped his head upward, only to find her there in her cell, gripping the bars and shouting at the needless brutality he was receiving, but the collar was doing its job only too well. He could sense no more of her than he could anyone else in the crowded space, which was in and of itself disturbing since he couldn’t sense them at all.

Grunting and tightening his body in reaction to one last white-armored kick to his ribs, Ben pressed his forehead to the floor, folded into an awkward position with his hands bound behind him. He breathed through the pain, trying desperately to ignore the emptiness inside his mind, but yanked himself upright when he heard the harsh, clanging tones of Rey’s cell door sliding open. Struggling against the two troopers who remained at his side to keep him lowered to the floor in submission, Ben twisted his neck in order to see Rey lifting her hands in a passive gesture.

Other than a blaster rifle aimed at her face, she experienced none of the aggression he had. Her hands quickly bound and the collar affixed, Ben saw the moment when the dampening field came over her, witnessed the sour expression that crossed her face as she perceived and processed the nausea that came with it. But it wasn’t until the officer stepped directly in front of her, blocking Ben’s view, that a small cry fell from her lips. Blinded by the collar’s barrier from the Force, it took Ben a moment to understand what was happening, and only then because the officer shifted aside, revealing the grip he had on Rey’s breast. Suddenly filled with white-hot rage, Ben roared and surged to his feet, throwing off one of his guards as he lurched toward the bars that separated him from the men groping his wife.

“Get your hands off her!” he bellowed forcefully.

They were unimpressed by his rage, however, and the officer only smirked over his shoulder as his hand plunged to the apex of Rey’s thighs. A whimper escaped her as she tried to twist and turn away from his reach, but the other two troopers participating in the search with equal enthusiasm hindered her efforts. Ben shouted a wordless cry again, raging both against her violation and his impotence. As he continued to shout, the officer cast a snide look over his shoulder and Ben was promptly rewarded with something heavy struck against the back of his head.

Dizzy and confused, he fell back from the bars, stumbling over his own feet and landing hard on his left shoulder. He lay there for a moment, rolling onto his cheek as he blinked over and over, furiously attempting to maintain consciousness and regain his wits. Before he had quite managed the feat, he felt himself being yanked upright again, his feet kicked into place beneath him so he could manage some semblance of standing. Shaking the last remnants of his jarred vision back into place, he lifted his gaze to find the search concluded.

Rey stood there, bound and collared, her eyes wide and worried but otherwise informing him she was unharmed. As he looked, her eyes flickered downward ever so slightly, and Ben was suddenly reminded of the bombs they both carried. He’d forgotten about them entirely, only now realizing they had passed the test. Both of them had been searched and both of them had retained their secret weapons. It was a triumph and, despite the trickle of blood that he could feel behind his ear, Ben had to remind himself not to smile. They were both collared against the Force, about to be taken aboard a star destroyer to face Supreme Leader Hux, but for the first time Ben felt hope.

They _could_ do this. They could win!

As he was wrestled with entirely unnecessary force out of the prison cell, Ben noticed the outpost’s morning attendant pass his and Rey’s lightsabers to the officer with their escort. Seeing the weapons stowed securely away into a bag that hung at the officer’s side, Ben turned his focus to the back of the entourage. Rey was only just coming through the doorway to the prison and so couldn’t have seen what he had with regard to their lightsabers, but he was able to catch her eye long enough to see that she was calm and alert. Silently, he cursed the collar that was already chafing against his clavicles, inhibiting him as it was from knowing how thick of a mask his wife wore in order to appear so serene despite that he knew her mind must be churning with anxiety and worry. As if sensing his thoughts even though he knew she couldn’t, she nodded slightly, her lips pulling in the barest hint of a smile that reassured him she was alright and ready to face this challenge.

Ben breathed deeply, attempting to steady his thoughts, but was thrust without warning through the doorway and into the bright morning light of this paradise planet. Reminded of the task at hand, he turned his attention forward. A small crowd had formed despite that the outpost was quite removed from the more populated areas. But it wasn’t often that an Imperial shuttle with a full contingent of stormtroopers made its appearance anywhere on Galea, much less in the outskirts of its most prosperous city.

As he made his way meekly in the midst of his white-armored escort, Ben heard hushed voices mumbling amid the crowd, even catching the word “Jedi” whispered on more than one occasion. His mouth twisted in a wry expression and he shook his head slightly, wondering if any of these people even really knew what that word meant. He, certainly, had never been a Jedi. Rey could perhaps lay more claim to that title than he could, but even her right to it was dubious at best. To most denizens of the galaxy, Ben knew _Jedi_ was simply synonymous with _Force-user_ , but it actually referenced an ancient religion that, in his opinion, got just as much wrong as it had right.

Regardless of the semantics, though, this confirmed that the crowd was fully aware they were witnessing the last two Force-users of any significance — at least, as far as they knew — being carted off to an Imperial star destroyer, likely never to be heard from again. And Ben was suddenly reminded of his mother teaching him long ago that Force-users were a symbol in the galaxy, a sign of hope against tyranny and oppression. Thanks to Rey’s abduction and his own preoccupation with finding her, the galaxy had gone without that hope for the past six years. And he could see in their eyes now, in the silent, bleak expressions that stared back at him, the loss of that hope as they witnessed the last Jedi’s downfall. And, while they may be mistaken in the specifics since he himself had actually destroyed the last Jedi long ago in a fit of blind rage on a desolate planet called Crait, they were right in believing they were witnessing the last march of the Force.

It was a weight of responsibility Ben had never been comfortable with, one he’d attempted for so long and to such disastrous results to throw off his shoulders. And he didn’t need it now either. But if the focus on him and Rey meant Aileen and Declan could stay hidden that much longer, he gladly accepted it now. And, so, he held his head high despite the headache that had settled beneath his skull thanks to the blow he’d received, and the glaring sun that exacerbated it. He returned the gaze of those who dared to look into his eyes, allowing them to witness the grim resolution that inhabited him now. He, the former lord of the Second Galactic Empire, the scourge of the galaxy, trying so desperately to fill the mantle of fear his grandfather had created, but who now wanted nothing more now than to live in peace with his wife and his beloved children… It was with deep irony, tremendous guilt, and nagging dread that he stepped, shackled and collared, onto an Imperial shuttle, ready to be delivered unto his fate.

From that moment onward, the journey from the Floxtan outpost up to the orbiting star destroyer was one of memories for Ben. Sitting in the shuttle, he was reminded of the first time he’d met Rey, when he’d put her under a Force sleep and carried her himself onto his ship. The same model as this one, he had sat there, holding her, refusing to relinquish control of her slumbering form, trying with all his might to strike some unnatural balance between fierce brutality and deliberate tenderness. How foolish he’d been.

And then, in the hangar, he remembered when she’d come to him on the Supremacy, packed herself up in one of his father’s escape pods like some perverse gift, only to have him step aside for stormtroopers to come forward and affix bindings to her wrists. He’d escorted her himself after that, unable to tear his eyes away from her back as she preceded him through the hallways, just as he did now.

At the lift, he’d ordered their escort to remain behind. It hadn’t been all that unusual of a command, since he was taking her to the Supreme Leader and only essential personnel were allowed entrance. But it had also served his purposes, allowing him those few precious moments, his first chance to speak with her, to revel in her physical presence after the bond had surged to life between them, connecting them from across the stars. What he wouldn’t give for that modicum of privacy now, to find himself in this lift with only her, the rest of their remaining guard dispersed, allowing him the opportunity to take her in his arms and kiss her, tell her he loved her and would sacrifice everything he was for her, as he should have done then.

Instead, no, he’d maintained faith in his dark master that time and distance had since informed him he never should have had. He’d brought her into the seat of Snoke’s power, delivered her within his grasp, hoping beyond any real hope that he would simply give her to him, allow him to…what? Keep her like a pet? He couldn’t recall any longer what he’d thought in that moment, by what rationale he’d imagined his master would do anything but murder her once he escorted her into that throne room.

Just like now.

The memories seized Ben as the lift doors opened. Choked by regret for the past just as much as by anxiety for the present, he found himself unable to move, to take that step forward into the dark space beyond. He knew only pain and death awaited him there. He’d faced this very scenario twice before already, both times with Rey at his side. The first time, with Snoke, they had been enemies, she his prisoner. The second time, Cerisse then posing the outward appearance of the same malevolent entity that had occupied Snoke’s form years earlier, he and Rey had managed to form some odd semblance of an alliance, though it was still tenuous at best. Now, facing Hux, they were united in a manner they had never before achieved. And it was this fact of which Rey managed to remind him in his moment of indecision, frozen by the ghosts of his past.

As their guards nudged and shoved at him, attempting with increasing vigor to entice him to move, she stepped forward, pressing herself against his side as she did. Ben inhaled sharply, startled by the sensation of softness when he’d expected another strike from a frustrated stormtrooper. He turned to her, his mind yet struggling in the mire of his memories, and her face burst through, like dawn through the darkest night. And he saw her, gazing intently up at him, her eyes worried but her mouth pulled into a slight smile. He felt some sort of electric charge flow between them at the contact, reminding him of the connection they shared, one Snoke had long ago attempted to take credit for but which he knew to be all theirs. And it was that momentary spark, in the span of an instant before her guards yanked her away from him, that reminded Ben of who he was now, of who she was, of what they could achieve together.

Shaken from his reverie, Ben lifted his head, his courage rising as his memories retreated. He caught Rey glancing back at him as her two remaining troopers propelled her forward, and he gave her a tight, subtle nod. She turned back, her attention summoned by her enforced forward momentum, but not before Ben spotted the relief and conviction in her gaze that informed him she was aware he was back. Whatever dark corridor his memories had led him down, he had come through to the other side. He was _here_ now, in the _present_. The past was behind, not forgotten but no longer pertinent either. It would not impede what he needed to do now, what their _children_ needed them both to do. And they would see it done.

Having made his way forward at last, Ben came to a stop alongside Rey, both of them facing toward an empty throne. Ben felt his heart leap and commence a frantic tattoo within his chest. They had surrendered themselves to Hux, but this was a throne room surely belonging to the Emperor rather than his Supreme Leader. Working to contain his reaction, Ben suppressed the urge to rejoice in their good luck, to have found themselves brought forward into the Emperor’s presence directly. Considering he was the true threat and the real object of their plot, it was a boon he had not dared to hope for, and yet here it was. Since no one had yet made an appearance, Ben couldn’t anticipate whether they were to be confronted by the Emperor alone or in tandem with Hux, but he quickly realized it didn’t matter. If Hux was here, wonderful. They could kill both of them in one fell swoop. If not, it was of little concern. The Emperor would die and they could track Hux down at their leisure. Either way, suddenly the plan seemed nearly foolproof.

Ben glanced toward Rey. She stood a few paces to his right, flanked by her two stormtrooper guards, just like he himself was. In their trek through the star destroyer, their escort had reduced in number to only these four, plus the uniformed officer who had taken possession of them at the outpost. The diminished numers informed him the Emperor and Hux would be bringing their own muscle was well. Unable to help himself, Ben found his eye angling toward the bag at the officer’s hip, where he knew his and Rey’s lightsabers nestled. Their plan did not involve them, but he took comfort in knowing they were nearby. Once they had managed to overcome the collars, the weapons would surely come in handy.

Finally, just as Ben was starting to think he’d go mad waiting for something, _anything_ to happen, a door beyond the reach of the light, hidden in the shadowy recesses of the vast, dark space, opened. Ben listened, hyper-aware of the sounds of thudding boots and rustling fabric, until at last the face he’d expected never to see again emerged from the blackness. His hair, as flaming as ever, was perhaps a touch longer than Ben remembered, but it was his attire that truly surprised him: long, flowing robes of black that shimmered and shifted to the deepest, subtlest red as he moved.

Ben had recognized the signs of the ship’s mid-night cycle when he’d disembarked in the hangar. Despite that it had been mid-morning in Floxton, they had arrived on the star destroyer in the far earlier hours. This fact alone had pointed to Hux’s impatience for this confrontation, bringing his new prisoners straight to the Emperor’s throne room at the soonest opportunity despite the early hour. Likewise, Ben perceived Hux’s choice to appear in his sleep garments as the deliberate and artificial choice it was: an attempt to convey the impression that they were beneath his notice, hardly even worth dressing for. But, rather than feeling intimidated by this subtle message, Ben was darkly amused by the psychological games to which Hux had always been disposed though Ben had never been susceptible.

But as Hux passed Ben by with barely a glance — a contingent of six guards in flashy robes ofregal purple, reminding Ben strongly of Snoke’s Praetorian Guard, spreading out evenly on either side of the throne — he belatedly realized Hux’s bid toward intimidation was not for him, but for Rey. As he glided to a smooth stop before her, Ben finally noticed the alarm in her eyes as she stared up at the man she’d once thought to be her husband. Despite this, though, her head was held erect, her chin high in defiance as she met his gaze with an expression that valiantly attempted to replace frantic anxiety with cold disdain. Unfortunately, the trembling throughout her frame did much to undermine her efforts.

“Ah,” Hux breathed, his lip curling into a malicious smirk as he reached forward to caress Rey’s jaw with a finger. “My darling wife, returned to me at last.”

“It’s a lie,” Rey spat, jerking her face out of his reach and stumbling back into the stormtroopers restraining her. “I was never your wife.”

Entirely unfazed, Hux chuckled lightly, allowing her retreat.

“Perhaps,” he averred, “but surely it was true in every way that actually matters.”

As if to make certain she understood his meaning, his eyes roamed lecherously over her body, causing her to shrink back yet again, her cheeks flushing and her gaze dropping to the floor. Despite his better judgement, Ben grunted and even attempt to come to his wife’s aid. Though it didn’t achieve much given his guards’ firm grip on him, it did, at the very least, pull Hux’s focus off of Rey and onto himself.

“The great Kylo Ren,” he intoned grandly, turning slowly to address him. Then, after studying him for a moment, he cocked his head like a curious animal. “I think I prefer you on your knees.”

With Hux’s subtle nod, the stormtroopers holding him took their cue and applied pressure to Ben’s shoulders. When he resisted their efforts, one kicked the back of one leg and his knees buckled, sending him plummeting to the floor with barely any warning. Hux, clearly pleased with these results, chuckled low in his throat as Ben glared up at him.

“I don’t go by that name anymore.”

“Oh, I know,” Hux effused magnanimously. “You experienced a great reversal in your attitudes, didn’t you, Ren? Mummy would be proud, indeed. And it was all for this little desert rat of a Jedi, wasn’t it?”

As he spoke, Hux directed his attention yet again back to Rey, this time gripping her chin tight and pulling her forward as he spat the word _Jedi_ into her face. Ben struggled against his captors, but to no avail. It was clear they had been chosen for their brute strength and, between his lack of access to the Force and his vulnerable position bound and on his knees, he was quite helpless against them. He could only watch in impotent rage as Rey trembled in the vile man’s grip.

“I’d never understood your fascination with her,” Hux murmured, his words directed toward Ben even though his face lingered within an breath of Rey’s, his gaze scraping over the features of her face, especially the lips that parted and quivered with fear. “It’s why I chose to make her my wife. Raping and torturing her had simply become too boring, and I still didn’t see the appeal. But by having her _love_ me… I thought then, _surely_ , I would be able to understand the hold she had on you.”

Although his expression had been one of pensive contemplation, it abruptly turned sour, twisting in on itself as his fingers tightened on her face until he shoved her away in disgust. Ben jerked against his captors as Rey fell to the floor, but they were clearly prepared for such an effort and he didn’t get far at all. Instead, Hux turned his furious gaze back to him, spitting out his vile hatred.

“She’s nothing but a _cunt_ , Ren, unworthy of my seed, which is surely why it never took root within her. Oh, not for lack of trying, though. I pumped her _full_ , Ren. Every chance I got. Oh, and the way she _moaned_ and _writhed_ with me… And every time, I thought to myself, I’m fucking the great Kylo Ren’s _wife_!”

Sagging in the troopers’ grip, Ben dropped his gaze to the floor, luring Hux to his level and carefully restraining his tight smirk of triumph when it worked. Jerking so suddenly and unexpectedly that he managed to catch the stormtroopers off guard, his forehead rammed into Hux’s face. Startled, he fell backward, landing on his backside most ungracefully, one pasty, scrawny leg poking out from beneath the dark mass of his robes as he struggled to regain his balance.

Rising quickly to his feet, the fury with which he glared upon his captive felt ever so satisfying to Ben. Even bound and unarmed, he could still gain the upper hand against Hux, just as he always had, and so he returned the Supreme Leader’s glare with open defiance.

“Give me his weapon!” Hux shouted suddenly, his hand jerking outward to await the uniformed officer’s compliance.

Without hesitation, Hux ignited the spitting red blade and brought its humming energy to Ben’s face. Wary of its searing heat, Ben arched back from the plasma sword, eyeing it closely and all too aware of the fact that his own weapon could easily disfigure or kill him. Its hum sharpened as Hux’s unsteady grip waved it closer to his flesh, and Ben tried to find a way he could use the blade’s proximity to his advantage, surging up and over the energy blade to disengage the collar around his neck. Just as he was about to try, though, he was distracted by a sob and a plea from his right.

“Armie… Please…”

Both men’s attentions were drawn immediately to Rey. Weeping and helpless to hide the evidence of her misery with her hands bound at her back, she gazed up at Hux in supplication, her eyes only momentarily betraying her true focus on Ben by leaping in his direction only once.

“Please, I’ll do anything you want. Just don’t kill him.”

Hux stared for a moment, Ben’s red saber yet humming and spitting between them although at a more equidistant interval now. For an instant, he thought Rey’s bargain — as vile as it was — would work. At least, it gave Hux pause to consider the full implications of her offer. But then his blank expression melded into rage once again as he thumbed the lightsaber off then strode forward with two firm steps to strike Rey across her cheek.

“You think I _want_ what you have, you disgusting Jedi _slut_?” he roared in fury as Rey fell backward. “Every time I laid with you, I was _repulsed_! The only pleasure I had was in seeing the disappointment in your eyes every time you knew you’d failed me, in imagining the pain it caused _him_ not knowing if you were alive or dead, tortured or well. Oh, _Rey_ …! All the times I longed to send him holos of your condition, to torment him knowing you were suffering at _my_ hands…then _pleasured_ by them. _That_ was what got me hard, not your pathetic attempts to please or seduce me!”

“Then why keep me alive?” Rey cried out suddenly, the words ripped from her chest by dint of anguish rather than defiance. “Why not just kill me and be done with it? Why the charade?”

Her cries echoed in the vast space, chased by the sound of a wet sob as she abruptly got her voice under control and managed to stop baiting her own hook. To Ben’s surprise, though, Hux reacted with neither wrath nor malicious glee. Instead, he straightened, his eyes blinking in genuine shock for a moment before his mouth slowly split into a grin of genuine amusement. Glancing between the two of them, he shook his head as a cackling chuckle rose from his throat.

“You still don’t know!” he murmured, as if to himself. “How amusing!”

Continuing to laugh, he turned leisurely toward the officer, extending his hand in a silent command that was fulfilled immediately as Rey’s lightsaber found its way into his palm. With a flick of his wrist, Hux dismissed the officer, who promptly made his way back to the lift in which they’d all arrived. Frowning in confusion, Ben twisted his head back to witness the departure, but the stormtrooper on is right nudged him harshly. As he struggled with the sudden feeling of doom he couldn’t quite decipher, Ben watched as Hux slowly and purposefully set the two lightsabers on the wide arm of the Emperor’s throne. A sudden memory gripped him of his uncle’s lightsaber on Snoke’s throne, and he shook his head against the abrupt assault, pushing it aside since it clearly offered him no boon here.

“Remove the bindings!”

Hux’s sudden command startled both Ben and Rey, causing them both to lift their heads in surprise then glance toward one another. Ben’s face was creased in a frown, the unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach intensifying, but Rey seemed more shocked than anything else. The troopers, though, took the command in perfect stride, one half of each pair leaning forward to unlock and release the cuffs that held their arms uncomfortably behind them. Once the task was done and both Ben and Rey knelt on the floor rubbing their abused wrists, Hux eyed them both with a harsh, vicious stare, his mouth twisted in a sickening grin, as he threw an abrupt gesture into the air. At once, the four troopers turned and abandoned their charges.

Taken unawares, Rey toppled over onto her hip with the sudden absence of support behind her before righting herself and gaining her feet. Ben, too, unhindered by confining troopers, climbed to standing. Glancing anxiously in each other’s direction, instinct clamoring within their minds and bodies to reach for one another, to unite, but uncertain of the rules in this new paradigm, their attentions were drawn back to Hux by his low, amused chuckle.

“Oh, Kylo Ren,” he intoned, shaking his head slowly as he shuffled his way forward incrementally. “There is still much you do not understand. Your arrogant ignorance will be your downfall.”

Ben’s eyes shifted sharply about the room, deftly taking in Hux and the six aubergine-clad guards. Some instinctive warning was still pressing inexorably at his consciousness but he still couldn’t grasp it. He knew it was the Force vying for recognition, struggling against the dampening field created by the heavy collar about his neck. His heart beat swift and heavy, his breathing labored in his chest as he recognized the magnitude of this. For him to feel the pressure of the Force despite the technology holding it at bay… The import of the revelation it was attempting to reveal to him must be profound, and this awareness alarmed Ben all the more as he frantically tried to decipher what it was he had missed.

And it was then, during a momentary glance toward Rey, that he abruptly recalled the small incendiary bombs yet concealed within his clothing and realized that his hands were now free. Swiftly concluding this must be what his instinct had been demanding he recognize, he nodded sharply to Rey. Although they had failed to garner any information whatsoever regarding the Emperor, Ben knew they could not squander this opportunity Hux had given them. And so, as one, Ben and Rey both reached deftly into their clothing to draw forth the bombs, lobbing them decisivelyand without hesitation in the Supreme Leader’s direction.

Ben turned instantly aside, shielding himself from the explosion that would rock this room if not the entire ship…but it never came. Instead, Hux’s laughter rose, beginning from a light chuckle and growing inexorably to a raucous cackling as Ben slowly straightened himself from his crouched position. Glancing first toward Rey, he saw her focused entirely on Hux, her eyes wide with alarm at what she beheld. Spinning so fast that he lost his balance and ended up on his backside, Ben felt his heart plunge at what he saw, the knowledge that had been nagging him for recognition suddenly washing over him in a horrid flood of awareness that left him cold with dread.

Hux stood beside the throne, laughing merrily as one hand rested on the hard stone surface alongside the two lightsabers. His other hand, though, was thrust upward, his fingers extended in a gripping gesture, tension holding his hand rigid and his gaze focused upon the sight between them. A cloud lay suspended in mid-air, shimmering with the energy contained inside it, six barely perceptible spots of darkness floating within. And, as Ben watched and Hux’s cackling intensified, his fingers contracted slightly and all six spots burst into little flares of light, flames that were meant to be far larger and far more destructive compressing inward into themselves until their thwarted energy was spent in six small, unimpressive _poofs_. The need for the containment field now past, Hux dropped his arm, the remnants of the bombs falling unceremoniously to the polished floor as he cackled and howled and laughed.

Ben stared in shock and horror, his mind rebelling against what he was witnessing, trying to piece together any other explanation than the obvious one. Because it couldn’t be true. It just wasn’t possible. And yet…

“Yes, Kylo Ren,” Hux roared abruptly, his visage seeming to grow and morph into something greater than he was ever meant to be. “That’s right.”

“No,” Ben muttered, shaking his head frantically in helpless and desperate rejection.

All amusement instantly dissipating from his countenance, Hux narrowed his eyes in rage as he strode forward, his hand flinging out toward Ben. Instantly, he was gripped by an invisible force pressing in on every surface of his body. He felt himself lifted into the air, his limbs dangling uselessly as he floated nearer to Hux. Then, just as he felt the inevitable yielding of denial to the irrefutable evidence before him, the pressure increased inside his throat, constricting his breath. His eyes widened in horrid revelation as, for the first time in his life, he felt the sensation of a Force choke, much to the clear satisfaction of Hux, who grinned in triumph.

“ _I_ am the Emperor!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. There it is. The BIG SECRET for this story. There are more to come, of course, more answers to be had, but this is the biggie. Kudos and bragging rights to Shawna Madsen for picking this point out as early as chapter 23 and sticking to her theory right to the latest update!!! (I hope you’ll forgive me for blatantly ignoring your comments in this regard, Shawna, since you had clearly hit the nail right on the head!!!)
> 
> I’m dying to know what you all think of this! Please share all your thoughts and theories with me! I love reading every one!!!!
> 
> As always now, thanks for sticking with me through the long span between updates. I truly hate how long it’s taking now, but I also know I’m doing the responsible thing. I’m just happy I’ve FINALLY reached a point in my Star Wars obsession that I actually CAN do the responsible thing! January of this year, that was just impossible!!! lol Anyway… Thanks for sticking with me. Once again, I promise I will not leave you hanging with this story!!!


	30. Bargaining with the Enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey comes to realize just how far she will go to save Ben and the kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNINGS: Oh, all kinds of bad stuff here, but still not even the REALLY bad stuff that’s coming. There are many descriptions of VIOLENCE and TORTURE, references to RAPE and, essentially, SLAVERY. Your happy chapter, this is not. That’s later…! ;-)

“No!”

Rey hurried to Ben’s side, reaching upward to pull her into her grasp. Although her fingers curled into the fabric of his sleeve, his body didn’t move in the least. Horrified, she stared up at him as his mouth gaped in a desperate bid for air that was being denied him. Frantic and not knowing what else to do, she started tugging at the collar fastened around her neck. But a massive weight hit her all of a sudden and she was thrust hard into the air, hitting the wall with enough force that the wind was knocked out of her body.

Crouched on her hands and knees, wheezing through the painful constriction in her chest, she saw Ben’s eyes rolling into the back of his head, his lips turning a ghastly shade of blue. Before she could turn to plead with Hux, though, Ben suddenly dropped. Whimpers escaped her as she watched him greedily sucking in air, his face pressed against the polished floor as he coughed his way back from the brink of death. Terrified to move, lest the sadistic Emperor who held all the power now should decide on the ultimate penalty for disobedience, Rey remained where she was. She reached her hand out toward Ben as she whimpered his name, but otherwise made no attempt to move.

It was the Emperor’s maniacal laughter that brought the first tears to Rey’s eyes, the realization that this was a game to him, an opportunity to toy with their lives. And she realized how desperately foolish they had been, to think they could place themselves within the Empire’s power and come out with anything but a tragic end. How she had wronged Ben, and the kids…Poe and Rose…even Finn, who she didn’t feel like she knew but who had once been her closest friend. The injustice of it all, the futile dream of peace and happiness…and love… She understood in that moment, with that cruel laugh, how truly naive she had been.

“That was your first time, wasn’t it?” Hux wheedled, towering over Ben, who continued to gasp and wheeze on the floor. “Your first time feeling the life being squeezed out of you. It’s horrible, isn’t it? The realization of what you’re willing to do, to put up with, in order for it to stop…”

When Ben didn’t respond, didn’t even bother looking up at Hux, he knelt down at his side and twisted his fist in his hair, yanking his head up so their gazes met.

“Every time you did that to me,” Hux murmured, his voice so low Rey had to suspend her breath in order to hear it, “I dreamed of the day I’d be able to repay you. I never actually thought I would and yet…here we are,” he crooned almost affectionately. “And I’m surprised to find it less fulfilling than I’d expected.”

Rey gasped loudly as Hux shoved Ben’s head away from him, startled that the Force-dampening collar detached and fell from his neck. Thinking for an instant that Ben had somehow caused this sudden reversal in their fortunes, she belatedly noticed that he was staring up at Hux in surprised confusion while the Emperor wore a smug expression. And that was when she understood: Hux had freed Ben on purpose, intentionally restoring his access to the Force. And, if that were the case, then she could be reasonably assured it wasn’t for their benefit.

“Fight me.”

Ben’s eyes narrowed at Hux’s demand, but his chin lifted as he studied the Emperor carefully. Hux, for his part, remained motionless, his stance confident and unflappable as he nodded and reiterated his command.

“You have your precious Force. Come at me. Do your worst.”

Rey could see the cautious indecision on Ben’s face, and saw the fear in his eyes as they drifted briefly in her direction. Unfortunately, she wasn’t the only one to notice.

“Ah, I see,” Hux mused. “You’re worried about her. Well, let’s give you something to worry about, then.”

Before Rey could think, she felt herself gripped by the Force and carried through the air to Hux’s side. Immobilized by his grip on her, she was helpless to defend herself as he thrust her body flush against his, her face so close that she could smell the stink of his breath. Although he was now beyond her line of sight, she heard Ben grit out her name, but nothing more stopped Hux when he proceeded to drag his tongue along her jaw.

“Would you like a demonstration, Kylo? Of what we’ve been up to for the past four years?”

Rey’s eyes widened and her heartbeat thudded heavily inside her chest. She knew, of course, exactly what he meant, but she also knew it wouldn’t be accurate. For the past four years, she had lain with Hux, believing him to be the devoted husband she loved. And their love play, while at times rather disappointing, had always been entirely consensual. But now, with what she knew and how she felt both about him and about Ben, it would be rape in the truest sense, much like she had witnessed in her lost memory. To endure that in front of Ben, to know he saw her pain and heard her cries, to feel Hux violate her in the ways she loved Ben to do… The sickening feeling that overcame her then had little to do with the Force-dampening collar and much more to do with that. And, for that reason, it was really very little of a surprise when Rey abruptly fell from Hux’s grasp at the same time Ben’s cry of fury filled the room.

Hux went barreling away from her as Ben tackled him, surprising both of them with his physical attack. Before she could do little more than squeak, Rey was skidding across the smooth floor, back to her position against the wall, safely out of the reach of the men fighting. But when she looked back at them, it was Hux’s arm stretched toward her, pushing her to safety, while Ben was preoccupied with attacking Hux. That didn’t last long, though, as Hux turned his attention back to Ben. Rey saw the moment that Hux broke through whatever invisible attack Ben had formed, broadcast clearly through Ben’s expression of shock as Hux reclaimed the upper hand. She felt the rush of energy as Ben thrust out his arm and his lightsaber responded readily to his call. And, for a moment, she thought it was all over as the angry, red blade came rushing down toward Hux’s skull. But, what should have resulted in the gory split of his pate, instead only caused uproarious laughter.

Ben’s lightsaber lay at a tangent to Hux’s forehead, sparks flying and crackling as it attempted to break through a barrier. As Rey watched, Ben withdrew the blade and struck again, this time aiming for his shoulder, a powerful blow that should have split his body nearly in two. But the same thing happened, the blade stalling at its first encounter with Hux’s corporeal form and unable to advance any further.

Hux’s laughter rose higher, echoing in the vast chamber with an intensity that made Rey cringe. When it abruptly halted, though… That was when an instinct clamored inside her head, desperately willing her to find a way out for both of them before she was forced to witness Ben’s death. With her own collar still firmly affixed, though, there was little she could do, seeing as she’d already had all the proof she needed of the futility of a physical attack. And, with little more than a half hearted yelp, Rey watched as Hux brought his hands down, his face rigid with hatred and concentration. Accompanied by a roaring shout, his hands created a blast of Force energy that converged on Ben with brutal force, causing him to stumble backward and collapse to his knees.

“You’re no match for me, Kylo Ren!” Hux shouted with jubilant glee.

In the midst of his vicious laughter, he gestured to his guards, who came forward as one. With another flick of his wrist, Ben’s lightsaber flew into his hand, just as the aubergine-clad guards laid into Ben. Only then did Rey notice that they bore no weapons, their attacks entirely physical. At first, Ben held his own, drawing upon the power of the Force to stall and repel his attackers as needed. But at least one always got through, pummeling him with their fists or feet, attacking him from so many angles that he couldn’t keep up with them all. And, during this extreme disadvantage of numbers, that was when Hux made his contribution.

The first time Ben cried out in terrible pain, Rey didn’t understand what was going on. She thought one of the guards had managed a particularly harsh blow. But then, just as Ben managed to get the upper hand and one of the guards fell, still as death, he cried out again. That time, he’d been standing erect, his face bruised and bloodied, but the light shining in his eyes that said he was fully in control and ready to achieve his victory over impossible odds. But then he screamed, his hands coming up to grip his head on either side as he fell once again to his knees. His cries were cut short as booted feet impacted with his ribs, but Rey recognized the effect of a particularly brutal invasion of his mind and her eyes flew to Hux.

The Emperor’s face was tense with concentration, one hand outstretched toward Ben as he continued to scream. And then, without warning, his face split into a horrid grin and his eyes flashed toward her.

“Of course, she’s fucking you again!” Hux cried out over the noice of Ben’s ongoing beating, clearly having just come across that information in his mind. “Neither of you ever could keep your hands off the other! But that’s not what I’m looking for…”

Ben screamed in renewed agony and, at a dismissive gesture from Hux, the four guards that remained backed off, leaving him to writhe on the floor alone. Taking advantage of this opportunity, Rey scrambled forward, keeping low to the ground. She reached Ben as he gave a furious shout, clearly fighting back against Hux’s invasion of his mind for all he was worth. Seeing the damage to his face and body up close, Rey wept copiously as she pulled him toward her, her broken voice low and desperate as she tried to reach him through the pain.

“Ben!” she hissed. “The collar!”

Knowing their only chance stood in a united front against Hux’s power, she needed him to remove the collar from her neck so she could help him fight. But when Ben opened his eyes, she saw nothing of the strength and compassion she loved about him, only intense pain and desperation.

“No!” he shouted, his body trembling with the force of his cry, but Rey knew his mind was centered on Hux, not her.

She tried to hold him as fresh agonies assaulted him, but he thrashed and writhed, even pushing her away in the end. Then, with one final cry that echoed into the distant spaces of the cavernous room, he fell silent and slack, his body utterly spent. With great trepidation, Rey crawled forward again, gently and delicately taking his head into her lap, weeping over him as she attempted to find his dear and familiar features beneath the mask of blood and gore that covered his face. She whispered his name, anxious to see his eyes, to have confirmation that she hadn’t just now witnessed his murder, right here in front of her.

A low chuckle interrupted her thoughts, and Rey had to concentrate not to take the bait, to turn upon the man she’d once thought to be the center of her galaxy.

“Oh, he’s not dead,” Hux’s voice floated from behind, his tone reassuring. “But he might as well be. He’s failed, you see. Failed you, your children, your friends…”

Rey turned on him sharply, horror etched in her expression.

“He’s no match for me anymore,” Hux explained, his gentle tone at horrible odds with his vicious scowl. “I know everything now, everything I lacked. Dameron, the traitor, and some ridiculous mechanic girl I think I met once. How to reach them, how to fool them into giving up Declan and Aileen’s location. Oh, and your paltry resistance in the refugee camp.” He laughed merrily. “ _That_ won’t last much longer.”

Unable to stand his gloating, Rey turned sharply away, refocusing her efforts on reviving Ben. If he could get this damn collar off her, she could defeat Hux. She _had_ to. Any way possible. He’d destroyed her life once before, and she couldn’t stand idly by and allow him to do it again. Ben, the kids, all the wonderful people she’d met through him… To imagine their deaths all due to her own harebrained notion of eliminating the threat the Emperor posed for their family… It was more than she could bear.

But she couldn’t proceed. She was entirely and utterly helpless, certainly no physical match for Hux and his guards. Without the Force, she was nothing. Without Ben, she was nothing. And the realization weighed so heavily on her, hindering her determination until all she could do was hold Ben close to her heart and weep.

Then, just as she was feeling she couldn’t get any lower, she heard the flow of air in and out of Ben’s body constrict. Her face lifting in frantic alarm, she saw his eyes open just as his hands flew to his throat, clawing at the pressure that couldn’t be clawed. In a panic, she spun to look up at their tormentor.

“Armie!” she cried out. “Stop!”

With an affected nonchalance that failed to reach the bloodlust in his eyes, Hux shrugged. “He’s served his purpose. And I’ve waited for this day for a long… _long_ time!”

At a twitch of his fingers, Rey heard all sound from Ben halt. No more wheezing or labored breaths, just nothing at all. When she looked down into his eyes, she saw sadness and resignation, love and regret all at once. Then, even as her desperation grew, he merely closed his eyes, giving in to the death that awaited him. And Rey panicked.

“Ben, no!” she shrieked before quickly turning her attention to Hux. “Armie, please don’t! _Please_!”

And, just as Rey felt something breaking and dying inside her, some awareness that the man who meant so much to her after so short a time was about to leave his life, Hux’s arm dropped and Ben’s body arched with his sudden ability to suck in air. Weeping her relief that she knew was entirely artificial anyway, she held him close, pressing her cheek against his bloodied forehead, her hand laid against his chest rising and falling with increasingly smooth motion. And she tried, desperately, not to realize this was likely only a temporary reprieve.

Lulled by the silence of the room, where only Ben’s breaths and her own sobs reached her ears, her body jerked violently when Hux’s voice finally intruded on the moment he’d so magnanimously allowed them.

“What are you willing to trade for his life?” Hux’s voice scraped across her consciousness. “His and the kids’?”

Closing her eyes against the pain in her heart, already knowing the answer and knowing she was lost, Rey bowed her cheek against Ben’s one last time before gently settling him down to the floor. His eyes were wide, frantic, and his mouth moved but managed only to generate harsh rasps. It didn’t matter. She knew what he would say, and she knew she couldn’t heed his advice. Giving him one last lingering stare, filled with apology and remorse, Rey stood at his side as he continued to struggle to reach her. And she turned to bargain with her enemy.

Proud, erect, and confident despite her inner turmoil, Rey faced him and answered, “Anything.”

Hux smiled, a smug smile that told her she’d only given him the answer he’d fully expected. Still, he nodded and moved stealthily forward, closing the distance between them.

“Will you subjugate yourself to me again? Do and be all that I desire for the sake of keeping them alive?

“Rey! No!” Ben’s harsh voice rose from her feet, but she closed her eyes against the betrayal she knew she must inflict on him.

“Yes!” she blurt out, tears streaking her cheeks. “Give me proof that they are alive and well, and you will never have any trouble from me.”

“ _Rey!_ ”

Her ragged breath caught in her throat at Ben’s hoarse cry, but it was too late. Hux cried out in victory and Rey braced herself for whatever was to come next as he implemented the deal she’d just made. But, to her vast surprise, he only laughed wildly at some joke she couldn’t understand, holding in his sides as if they might split with his mirth. It was a long time that she stood there, stealing glances down at Ben who was just as perplexed as she was, wondering just what could be so funny.

“Oh, Rey!” Hux finally breathed, wiping tears of amusement from the corners of his eyes. “You should have listened to him! I have no intention of making any kind of deal with you. I will have your subjugation with or without your consent. And Kylo Ren and his offspring _will_ die. There is nothing you or anyone can do to stop that!”

Rey felt her gut twist and her heart plunge. Her body trembled with a confusing mixture of rage and fear, and she felt hatred for Hux such as she’d never before imagined herself capable. But, still, he continued to laugh at her, finally managing an explanation between bouts of mirth.

“I only wanted to know just how torturous witnessing that will be for you!”

Numbed, Rey stood there, staring at Hux, not knowing how to respond or what to do. All was lost, hopeless, and she knew it. But then, without warning, she felt a tiny _click_ beneath one ear and a heavy weight fell against her collarbones. Even before her conscious mind could grasp what was happening, she felt a brush of love and determination inside her mind and she knew all would be well. Reaching inside herself and inside Ben, uniting their power through their bond, drawing and giving strength enough to create the needed balance between them, Rey swelled with confidence. And, as she and Ben advanced on Hux as one, calling their lightsabers to their hands and bringing them to bear on their enemy, all thought of failure and loss was banished from her mind.

…until an impenetrable wall appeared inside, dividing their minds and depriving him of the strength he’d so urgently needed from her. Shocked and struggling to find his consciousness along the bond again, only Hux’s laughter remained. Her lightsaber was yanked mercilessly from her grip, and Rey saw both weapons flying toward the throne, settling back onto the armrest as if they had always belonged there. She turned to Ben, her eyes doused in fear and worry, only to realize she couldn’t turn. Frozen in mid-strike, one arm stretched back, the opposite leg leading a truncated charge, her mouth gaping open in a battle cry that had never emerged, Rey realized she was held fast…as was Ben. And, just like that, their brief, shining moment of assured victory was dead…

…and so were they.

Hux took his time claiming control over his amusement. When finally he had, he heaved a belabored sigh, shaking his head in lingering mirth as he looked them over. One last chuckle worked its way up through his chest as he gestured carelessly in their direction.

“Oh, you both look so ridiculous!”

Rey felt her arms and legs — not to mention, her teeth — snap together, bringing her body into an upright, rigid stance. At her side, though, Ben was maneuvered like a puppet onto his knees. Though she couldn’t get a good view of him, she saw from the corner of her eye that his body trembled and shuddered violently as he fought Hux’s control. Briefly, Rey attempted the same, only to realize that the impenetrable wall she’d felt slam down between them had actually been the Force-dampening collar being reattached about her neck. It was active and intact now, the distinctly ill sensation there in the background of her awareness. Ben, still free of his collar, was able to fight back, but she knew from her brief encounter with his mind how depleted his resources were. Hux had, indeed, known what he was doing when he’d had him physically beaten. With his body damaged and riddled in pain, and his strength reserves nearly depleted, his access to the Force was severely restricted. And, yet, still he fought.

Without warning, the collar that had been discarded and flung aside sometime before Ben’s beating was abruptly floating in the air before Rey’s eyes. Startled, she glanced toward Hux. Despite his gloating expression, Rey could see the strain on his face. Holding her, Ben, and now the collar as well was a lot to require of any Force-user.

“Put it on him,” Hux instructed.

Suddenly freed from his confining hold, Rey hesitated, staring at the hated collar. As she observed him, she noticed tremors in Hux’s outstretched hand, sweat beading on his forehead, and she wondered how much longer he could sustain himself. His displays of power — clearly intended to impress and intimidate them — had been intense, probably more than she herself could sustain for long. She didn’t understand the precise nature of his access to the Force, and she wasn’t sure she could risk Ben’s life on the chance he was at the end of his reserves. But she was sorely tempted.

A harsh and by now all too familiar rasping of breath interrupted Rey’s thoughts. She looked down at Ben, kneeling beside her, and saw him gasping for air yet again, his eyes closed once more.

“I _will_ kill him this time, Rey,” Hux threatened. “I have no further need for him. But I daresay you do.”

Rey, her eyes widened and her heart heavy, looked down at Ben, who managed to shake his head at her. _Let me die_ , he was saying. _My life isn’t worth him winning_. And, yet, she knew he couldn’t possibly understand the full extent of what he was to her, what he was worth.

But it seemed Hux knew that all too well.

“You can make him powerless, Rey, or you can make him dead. Your choice.”

Tears flowing freely, she reached up and plucked the collar from the air then slowly approached Ben. She longed for him to open his eyes and give her some tacit agreement that she had no choice, but of course he wouldn’t do that. She knew he considered himself expendable when balancing the scales between the two of them, and he could therefore never condone giving Hux what he wanted, even if it prolonged his life and kept at least the hope alive that circumstances could change. With him dead, though, there was simply no hope, no chance, and it just wasn’t something she could abide. Not to mention that, witnessing his death, carrying the guilt of knowing she could have prevented it… It would destroy her. She knew that. So, really, no. She had no choice.

She reached forward, her hands shaking horribly as she fitted the cold metal around his neck. She whispered to him, begging his forgiveness even as she shackled him powerless against a madman. And, though he still didn’t open his eyes to look at her, she saw the tear that escaped, climbing over the abused surface of his face and causing the blood there to streak and run. She felt the sickening vibrations of the collar’s effects as she clasped it under the fall of his hair and, to her vast relief, she saw the moment when Hux released his strangling grip.

Doubled over with the freedom to breathe once again, Ben shook his head when Rey attempted to comfort him with a touch. She understood he was warning her back from him, both of them now fully conversant with the fact that any show of affection between them was a weakness Hux would exploit. Still, it hurt, and Rey backed away from him sorrowfully, new tears staining her cheeks.

After a moment, Rey noticed Ben wasn’t the only one heaving breaths of relief. Hux, too, was winded by his efforts, and she belatedly realized that he truly wouldn’t have been able to maintain his grip on them through the Force for much longer. Indeed, the way he was perched on the edge of his throne, supporting himself with one elbow on his knee as he panted heavily, Rey ventured to guess he would have been unconscious by then, had she not relieved him of the need to sustain his hold on Ben by collaring him. And, yet, glancing over at Ben — who lay still as death in an awkward position on one hip, his arms splayed carelessly as he breathed deeply, his face lolling onto his shoulder — Rey couldn’t bring herself to feel she’d made the wrong decision. Hux may have collapsed by now, but Ben would have been dead. If there was a choice to be made that kept Ben alive, she would always choose that.

But the consequences of that fact became clear soon enough.

At a silent command, one of the guards came forward to claim Ben’s lightsaber from Hux’s outstretched hand. Taking up a position behind Ben, the message was clear: any attempt at defiance, on either of their parts, and he was dead.

“Now,” Hux said, straightening from his perch on the throne, his energy clearly restored.

He looked at Rey with a dark, devious light in his eyes, a glint of mischief that very much frightened her. Glancing sharply aside at Ben, she saw him watching the Emperor as well, his eyes tracking every movement though the rest of his body remained utterly still. And, with his next words, Rey felt her stomach plunge and twist in anxiety.

“Let’s get started!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear readers! So, the nice thing about writing only on weekends is that I have reached the stage in the story where there’s a LOT going on and it’s all been in my head for months now. Which means that it’s also flowing from my brain, through my hands, and onto my computer screen with relative ease. I’m kind of giddy, to be honest, because I drafted this chapter all just today, still managed not to neglect my family, AND even got in a nap! These are the kinds of writing days I love!!!
> 
> Anyway…! Does Hux’s parting shot fill you with as much dread as it does me? ;-) I’m eager to hear what you all think and, in the meantime, I’m forging ahead to the next chapter. Since half the weekend still remains, we’ll see if I can crank out another chapter before the return of the dreaded work-week!
> 
> Love, hugs, and kisses to you all!!!


	31. Impotent Fury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux reveals the source of his access to the Force and re-establishes his dominance over both Rey and Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNINGS: This is the very intense chapter I’ve been alluding to. There are lots of things that can be triggers in here, and I’m doing my best to give warnings for all of them, but I’m certain I won’t catch them all.
> 
> INTENSE VIOLENCE (throughout), MEDICAL EXPERIMENTATION that includes GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS and PHYSICAL TORTURE (accounts are quite specific and recurring), BRAIN DAMAGE (as a result of medical experimentation), FORCED SERVITUDE (superficial, recurring accounts), SUICIDE (one brief, superficial account), and implied RAPE (one obscure mention).
> 
> Unfortunately, many of these elements are scattered throughout this chapter such that there’s no good way to avoid them without simply skipping the whole chapter. Please read cautiously if you are alarmed by any of these warnings.

“Let’s get started.”

Ben cringed at those words, not liking what they portended. Here he was, already beatenwith multiple cracked if not outright broken bones, his mouth filling with thick, oozing blood, and one eye rapidly swelling shut. And yet Hux was only now getting _started_?! No, he didn’t like the sound of that at all.

Careful of both his broken body as well as the guard standing over him — the one wielding _his_ lightsaber — Ben rolled onto his side then pushed against the floor until he was sitting. Upon reaching this minor achievement, he looked up to find both Hux and Rey watching him intently. His guard, though, was watching his master, clearly waiting to see whether or not his captive was permitted to do something so potentially threatening as sitting up. With a roll of his eyes and a slight shrug, though, it seemed Ben was permitted to retain his upright position…and his guard clearly didn’t like it. With an abruptness that startled Ben, his lightsaber hissed to life, the spitting blade hovering at his side, a constant reminder of who held the power in the current circumstances…as if Ben really needed that reminder.

Rey was unharmed. Beyond the copious tears that streaked her face and the trembling evident throughout her form, she had certainly fared far better than him so far. And that was a large part of what so frightened him, that _she_ was the one standing whole and unharmed before Hux when he declared it was time to _get started_.

Her eyes pled with him, begging him to understand that she’d had to take the steps she had. As much as he hated the reality in which the vile cur had placed them both, he did understand. After all, if her life had hung in the balance, he would have done the same thing, willingly placing her back in captivity with no access to the Force, rather than watch Hux kill her. The problem was that there was no evidence he wasn’t about to watch exactly that anyway.

Hux clearly hated him. This was no surprise to Ben. That his vitriol had extended to Rey and served as the impetus for her abduction and incarceration was also no profound revelation. What was unclear, though, was what he wanted from them now. He’d said he was ready to kill Ben, that he had what he needed from him, and on that score Ben was confident his erstwhile colleague had been entirely truthful. After all, he’d already had the experience of Hux inside his mind, viciously sifting through facts and memories in order to get at the secret to locating his children.

Try though he had with all his strength to deny Hux that information, the onetime general and competition for Supreme Leader Snoke’s favor had proven stronger. Despite his decades of training and study, despite his legendary strength with the Force, despite his desperation to keep his children safe…Hux had blown through Ben’s defenses almost as if they hadn’t existed. The pain to his body and psyche had been immense, but not as devastating as the knowledge that he had failed Declan and Aileen.

But what truly frightened him was recognizing that, while Hux was done with Ben, he was only getting started with Rey.

A hiss of escaping air had Ben lifting his head, peering through the swelling and blood hindering his vision to find Hux studying a concealed opening in the wall adjacent to his throne. Dimly lit and caught at an angle in his current position, Ben couldn’t see just what was inside, but instinct warned him it was nothing good. In fact, whatever it was, he was certain it was very, very bad.

“You’re confused,” Hux murmured, only belatedly indicating the direction of his comment by turning lazily to peer at Ben. “I saw that while I was in your mind. You don’t understand how I have come to claim such power in the Force.”

And he was right. Hux had never displayed any aptitude with the Force in the slightest. Back in his days as Snoke’s lackey, Ben had even held conversations with his master in this regard. Most people gave off some glimmer of the Force, even if it was negligible. Hux, though…not a hint of affinity to the energy that bound all life in the galaxy. So, precisely how such a thorough reversal of fortunes could take place, to the extent that Ben was now blinded by the dark magnificence of Hux’s power through the Force… Ben could not fathom how such a thing was possible.

“Well, I’m only too happy to explain it, Ren. But first…”

With a careless wave of his hand and an echoing snap and clatter, Hux released Rey’s Force-suppressing collar and it fell from her neck. Staring at the innocuous lump of metal at her feet, Ben could see she didn’t fully grasp the meaning of this development. In all honesty, neither could he. When his own collar had disengaged unexpectedly earlier, Hux had quickly made it clear he intended for Ben to attack him. And, once Ben had, it had also quickly become clear that the whole point of Hux’s exercise was to belittle his captive, to make both him and Rey understand that Hux’s power dwarfed theirs. And, as much as he despised giving in to Hux’s demented schemes, Ben had to admit that it had worked. Without understanding the nature of Hux’s access to the Force, Ben had no formal way to gauge its limits, but, clearly, they were far beyond what he had initially assumed.

Hux wasn’t goading Rey to attack him, though, and the effort would have been a waste anyway since he’d already established his superiority by besting Ben both mentally and physically. In fact, the sharp hum of Ben’s own lightsaber drawing abruptly nearer his face seemed to suggest Hux very pointedly did _not_ want Rey to offer any resistance, as his next words confirmed.

“Now, I know you’re thinking about how you can take me down,” Hux purred as he approached Rey with a metal object in his hands. “And you’re welcome to try if you really wish. But you’ve already seen what I’m capable of. Right, Ren?”

Hux’s focus remained entirely on Rey, along with his slight, mocking smile, but her eyes traveled almost instinctively toward Ben. And, much as it nauseated him, Ben had to shake his head, communicating silently that now was not the time to fight for their freedom. Hux was right. As strong as Rey was in the Force, he was stronger. And he couldn’t risk her life and welfare in what he knew to be a losing shot. No, their only hope lay in facing him together. And, with this damn collar on his neck and his current physical condition…now wasn’t the time.

“Ah,” Hux breathed in satisfaction. “See? We’re all on the same wavelength! Now, if you would, my dear, put this on.”

Ben and Rey both gazed suspiciously upon the metal frame Hux held toward her. A complicated twist of metal and wires, it took a moment of study before Ben could even discern it was a collar of some sort. Unlike the Force-inhibiting collars, though, whose thick construction and electronic indicators spoke of machinery or circuitry inside, this one was merely a frame, its open construction concealing no electronics. At Ben’s best guess, with its undulating shape that waved up and down in contrary motion on both the top and bottom edges, this one’s whole purpose was to fix the head in a stationary position. The realization sent a tingling along Ben’s spine that filled him with dread.

“What is it?” Rey asked finally, her voice small.

Hux smiled, an open and engaging expression that was entirely foreign on his face, and when he spoke his tone was congenial, soothing.

“A collar. Well, actually a brace more than a collar. It’s entirely harmless, I assure you. See?”

Hux held the new collar up for Rey’s inspection and, given that she was freed of the dampening field generated by the more nefarious collar, Ben assumed she was inspecting it through the Force. Apparently, though, she was taking a bit longer than Hux appreciated.

“Need I remind you, my dear…”

At a slight inclination of his head, Ben’s lightsaber stopped threatening him and instead seared into his shoulder. The fiery plasma quickly burned through his clothing and into his flesh, the accompanying sounds and scents rising into the air along with his preternatural cry of pain. By the time Ben recovered from the shock and agony, he found Rey had already donned the intricate collar. Her neck encased in an open framework that held her held both high and immobile, her eyes cast sharply downward in order to meet Ben’s gaze, tears once again streaking her cheeks. He managed to do little more than offer her a slight nod, just to assure her he was alright, before Hux was drawing both their attentions.

“You see,” Hux said conversationally as he worked at the alcove he’d opened beside his throne, “that collar is really for your benefit, Rey. Before I devised it, I had some…shall we say…less than satisfactory results.”

Ben narrowed his eyes. He didn’t understand the least of what Hux was getting at, but Ben also wasn’t terribly inclined to humor his need for theatrics. But when he turned away from his mysterious cabinet holding a long needle, Ben’s anxiety got the better of him.

“What is that?”

“Oh, this?” Hux asked, his brows and tone high as if he wasn’t totally expecting Ben’s confusion. “This is a Force siphon. Well, just the first stage, really.”

Ben’s heart slammed heavy in his chest. “A Force… _what_?”

“Siphon!” Hux answered quite cheerily.

With a jerk of his head, the three remaining guards came forward. Two stationed themselves on either side of Rey, and one came forward to join Ben’s guard. And the sinking sensation in the pit of Ben’s stomach deepened. Whatever this was, Hux was expecting neither Rey nor Ben to like it, and that certainly did not bode well.

“You wanted to understand where I gained my access to the Force, didn’t you? Well, here it is, Ren. I’ve been stealing it from your wife!”

In an instant, disparate events and impressions came together and finally made sense. The shield on Cholganna. The bracelet that extended its effects. The sense that Declan’s Force energy had _gone_ somewhere after touching the bracelet… A siphon, drawing energy from one source and diverting it to another destination. What a diabolical concept. It couldn’t possibly function…and yet…

“You…” Ben croaked, struggling with the words that couldn’t quite comprehend. “You devised…”

“Oh, not me!” Hux interrupted quite merrily. “I found it described in some ancient books among Snoke’s effects. He never had any need for it, of course, since he had his own sensitivity to the Force. But me…? Oh, this was just perfect for me! And it has worked so much better than I’d ever anticipated!

“There was, of course, a learning curve, though. And it took some time to work through all that. Not to mention designing the equipment and acquiring the materials— Oh, the mineral alone would have thwarted lesser men! But I persevered. I knew, one day, all my efforts would avail themselves! And here we are!”

Ben gaped, still having a difficult time following everything Hux was saying. What mineral? What books? Just the idea that Snoke had possessed ancient knowledge that he didn’t know about was infuriating enough. But add to that realization both that Hux had gotten his grubby paws on it and managed to realize something of this magnitude from it? How in all Hell had something like this ever come to exist in the first place? Non-Force-sensitives stealing Force energy from Force-users? Draining them of their natural gifts and usurping it as their own? How had anyone ever thought this would be a good idea?

All of Ben’s futile and frustrated thoughts left him at Hux’s next nod. Instantly, the two guards standing behind her gripped Rey and forced her to her knees. Instinctively, she fought back, one of them pushed flung violently away before Hux reminded her of Ben’s peril by gesturing for his lightsaber to be brought to life once again. Glancing awkwardly and fearfully in his direction, she submitted then, giving herself over to the royal garbed guards as they forced her forehead low toward the floor.

For his part, Rey’s submission only made Ben fight all the harder. He surprised his guards by leaping to his feet, managing to connect his tightened fist with one’s face before he could react, but the second promptly tackled him, knocking him back to the floor with his angrily spitting lightsaber pointed directly at his face. Ben was assessing his options, the fight nowhere near gone from him, when he heard Rey scream.

The guards instantly forgotten, he twisted under his captor, ignoring the red plasma of his own weapon as he writhed and arched in order to see Rey. Hux was on top of her, the two guards holding her still, exposing the back of her neck as their master aligned the vicious looking needle he carried to a guiding hole in the collar she wore. And he was pushing it in, up into her skull, while Rey screamed in agonizing pain.

Ben fought and struggled again, the sound of Rey’s agony spurning him on, but he, in his battered state, was no match for the two burly guards who held him now. He shouted and cried out her name, desperate to hear her response that she was alright. But, instead, he only heard her scream all the harder.

Then, without warning, just as Hux managed to plunge the needle to its hilt, Rey’s voice abruptly halted, a sickening, gagging noise usurping her frantic cries.

“Rey!” Ben shouted, even more alarmed by the relative silence.

But she didn’t answer him. A loud _click_ reverberated through the cavernous space as Hux did something with his device, then he pulled away from her, holding a syringe without its needle. He stood slowly, looking down at Rey curiously, then nodded to her guards. They, too, pulled away, gradually releasing Rey to her own devices. Incrementally, as if time itself had slowed, she fell to her side, exposing her face beneath the veil of her hair. Her mouth and eyes were both gaping open, as if frozen in fear. His own heart hammering in desperate anxiety, Ben pushed against his captors, trying to gain a better vantage to see if she was even alive.

“ _Rey!_ ”

As the strength of his voice echoed and faded into the dark recesses of the room, utter silence was left in its wake. Even the sick gurgling that had come from Rey’s throat just as Hux released her had subsided, leaving absolutely nothing in its wake. Then, abruptly, she gasped, a long, haggard intake of air that had her body elongating until she lay flat on her back. At this, Hux, too, breathed more easily then stepped back, giving her space. But Ben was only all the more panicked by this development, because now she lay still as death, her eyes open and gazing sightlessly up into the dark stretches of the shadowed ceiling. Her body shuddered violently every now and then, but Ben could see by the rise and fall of her chest that she was breathing normally now.

“What the hell did you do to her?” Ben roared suddenly, twisting hard against his captors as he fixed his furious glare upon Hux.

Hux, for his part, was entirely unfazed. He sat upon his throne, slumped comfortably in its embrace, evidently exhausted by the ordeal he’d just completed.

“Oh, she’ll be fine,” he answered with a dismissive wave of his hand. “If it was going to kill her, she’d be dead already.”

Entirely unappeased, Ben jerked and roared again, managing to throw one of his guards off and onto his backside. “What did you _do_!?”

Hux sighed wearily. “I implanted a rod into the part of her brain that controls the Force. It’s made from a rare mineral that only exists alongside natural Kyber crystals. Like an anti-crystal, if you will. If I angle it right, it doesn’t kill… Just hurts…”

Not entirely sure how to process what he’d just heard, Ben could only stare, the words zinging around inside his head but not making much sense. He looked at Rey, still gazing blankly into the space above her. And, as Hux’s words echoed in his mind, he realized…

“You’ve done this before.”

“To Rey?” Hux clarified. “Oh, yes! And others.”

“Others?” Ben snapped intently, which had Hux grinning devilishly.

“Oh, none were nearly as… _appealing_ as your Rey, rest assured. In fact, I almost gave up on the endeavor entirely more than once before she came along. I wondered if it wasn’t worth the gains. But then…Rey! Oh, Ren, my boy! She _is_ strong in the Force, isn’t she? If I’d given up, I would never have tasted her power, and there’s so little I can’t do with it!”

“ _That’s_ why you took her?” Ben erupted, his anger flaring hot. “To do _this_ to her?”

Hux actually laughed. “Of course!”

“How?” Ben shouted, all reason gone. “How did you take her?”

“By making her see what I wanted her to see. The same way I made you think I was dead.”

Ben stared, shocked dumb by Hux’s revelation. If he understood the madman’s ramblings correctly, then he’d had at least some access to the Force on both those occasions. Six and nine years ago, well before he’d had any access to Rey! How in all the dark forces of the galaxy had Ben missed this?

Hux gazed down upon Ben with a sly smile, a soft chuckle escaping his throat. He glanced over at Rey then, and Ben followed suit, both of them finding her condition unchanged. With a gentle sigh, Hux settled more comfortably into his throne then gestured toward Ben’s guards, who still had him pinned to the floor.

“Let him up,” he instructed them. “It’s really awkward having a conversation with someone while they’re lying on the floor.”

The guards did as they were told, but Ben promptly scrambled his way across the floor to Rey. He felt the four guards come in close around him but then back off. He could only assume Hux had given one of his imperious gestures he enjoyed so much, magnanimously allowing Ben access to his catatonic wife. And she was, indeed, entirely catatonic.

As he carefully gathered her into his arms, her eyes remained open but fixed on something quite beyond his senses. She was dead weight, her own muscles contributing not one measure of aid in maneuvering her into his embrace. Finding a simple clasp on the intricate collar that still held her head immobile, he hastily freed her from it, carefully disentangling her hair from its ornate swirls and coils.

“That’s the reason she’s alive,” Hux interjected as Ben tossed the collar off to the side.

Ignoring him, Ben cradled Rey’s head, his fingers delicately searching the back of her head, constantly whispering her name, begging her to wake up, and watching her face intently for any response. He cut himself off mid-word when his fingers found a small indentation at the base of her skull, in the soft spot at the top of her neck. Jerking his fingers back lest he hurt her, he found the barest trace of blood on his finger.

“The siphon wouldn’t work very well if it killed her, you know,” Hux clarified most unhelpfully.

Ben spared a hard glare for Hux before turning his attention back to Rey, who he gathered close into his arms, holding her tight. He tried to focus only on her, to bury his abused and bloodied face in her hair and pretend it was only the two of them here, but his mind couldn’t stop whirring over the mysteries that Hux’s words had posed. There was still so much he just didn’t understand, so many tantalizing secrets he held, and he wanted to know them all. But, even more, he didn’t want to ask.

And Hux, it seemed, knew this.

“Oh, Ren,” Hux chuckled softly. “It’s just _killing_ you, isn’t it? Alright, I won’t make you ask. I’ll just explain.”

And, damn himself a thousand times over, Ben listened intently.

“I found the plans for the siphon shortly after you killed Snoke. And, when you didn’t ask about his personal effects, I didn’t bother to inform you of the ancient books. They were worn, faded, and full of scribblings that didn’t make any sense, but it seems one of the Supreme Leader’s hobbies had long been deciphering these books. He had journals and journals full of translations, notes, drawings…all clearly laid out and explained. On paper, no less! I had never seen paper myself before then, but it made sense, I realized, because he didn’t want this information in a database somewhere that could be compromised or stolen. So…

“Ah, but I digress!” Hux interrupted himself with a condescending chuckle. “Most of it was of little interest to me. Histories, poisons, rituals…anything you can image, and pertaining both to the Light and the Dark Side of the Force. Oh! Did you know, by the way, the Force was never meant to be divided like that! Fascinating insight into the follies of both the Jedi and the Sith!

“Yes, yes,” Hux interrupted himself with a merry chuckle. “I see your impatience, my old friend!

Ben glared at the misnomer but, with how tight his face felt from his injuries now, he doubted that Hux would have been able to recognize the expression. That was, assuming he actually cared, which he likely didn’t. Instead, he turned his attention back to Rey, shifting her in his arms and brushing his fingers against her throat, taking comfort in the strong and steady pulse he felt there. And, yet, despite his fervent desires to the contrary, he continued to listen closely.

“Once I’d managed to construct the apparatus and acquire the necessary mineral, then I had to find some Force-users to experiment with! It was fortunate for me that you hadn’t bothered to alter Cerisse’s mission to locate Force-sensitives. She was most helpful in acquiring my first test subjects.”

Despite himself, Ben looked up, surprised. And Hux took great glee in his reaction.

“Oh yes, Ren! This was indeed taking place under your great Imperial reign! Right under your nose! Especially once you started chasing after _her_ , you were so oblivious to everything going on around you!

“Anyway!” Hux chuckled again. “The first two died right away. That’s when I learned that the mineral has to sit in precisely the right place in the brain. Otherwise…”

He made a vulgar sound that implied death and chortled once more, causing Ben to narrow his eyes in disgust.

“When I finally managed it right, it was…underwhelming. I could feel the Force energy coming in, but there wasn’t much I could do with it. That’s when I realized I needed stronger Force-sensitives, so I took D’yn.”

At that, Ben perked up, his head lifting as he peered intently at Hux. “D’yn? What do you mean, you took D’yn?”

Rather than answer, though, Hux smiled, clearly pleased that he had at last managed to rouse some interest in his tale.

“You were so distracted, weren’t you, _Emperor_?” he needled cruelly. “You didn’t even _know_ you were losing your friends to me! Of course… It turns out they weren’t even actually friends in the first place, didn’t it?”

Ben lowered his face, hiding his reaction to Hux’s words as well as he could. While Sarniel may have proven in the end to be a worthless ally, only too happy to throw Kylo Ren aside the first chance he got to grasp real power for himself, D’yn had been different. It would be stretching the truth, of course, to classify any of the Knights of Ren as a friend, but D’yn had been the closest he’d had. Or, at least D’yn had been the most interested in cultivating something beyond merely a master/servant rapport. As much as his Knights’ betrayal had pained him at the time, Ben had actually taken comfort then and in the months to follow that D’yn had not been among them. And then, truth be told, he hadn’t thought any further about the missing Knight of Ren.

“With D’yn, I finally achieved some sense of what this siphon could accomplish. At the time, I thought he would be enough, so I kept with him. But, after a little, it seemed I’d missed the proper path in his brain one too many times. He didn’t die, exactly, but he may as well have. He was a staring, drooling, incoherent mess by the end. But,” Hux laughed, “it seems the Force doesn’t require an actual functioning mind to access it! The energy still came through unabated, even though D’yn was… Well… He wasn’t good for much of anything else, we’ll say.”

With his eyes wrenched closed against the grating edge of Hux’s maniacal laughter, Ben wondered why he was even bothering to listen to this dialogue. But, as he gazed down at Rey, her eyes closed tight, a faint crease between her brows as if she was in the middle of a mildly disturbing dream, he knew the truth. He listened because he needed to understand what was happening to her, what had been happening to her for the last few years, and hopefully how it could be undone. As much as he despised Hux’s gloating, triumphant air, he had to endure it, had to know as much as he could. And so, contrary to every instinct that told him to shut Hux’s voice out from his consciousness, Ben actually forced himself to ask for more.

“What happened to him?”

“D’yn?” Hux asked innocently, as if he didn’t know full well who Ben meant. “Oh, he died. I don’t know if I killed him like I had the first ones, or if it was the cumulative effect of a bunch of near misses, but he seized violently after the implantation, just like the first ones did, and then he died. But it turned out to be quite fortuitous, because that’s how I learned that the siphon _stores_ Force energy, too! Even though D’yn was dead and my connection to the Force cut off, I could still use it. And I could even tell how much was left, so I knew I’d need to get another one. And then Aedryl came along.

“Oh, just in time, too! Because that was right when you and your little Jedi slut overthrew Cerisse. I knew Aedryl was hidden sufficiently and the siphon was already established, so all I had to do was sit in your little Resistance-loving brig, accumulating Force energy reserves and fomenting dissent.” He laughed happily. “You never knew I caused that little rebellion, did you? Or that I did so for the express purpose of making you think you’d killed me when it went bad! Oh my, Ren! When you have Force powers and no one knows it…oh, the havoc you can wreak!”

He chuckled lightly, as though rifling through fond memories.

“Once I’d managed to get away with Aedryl and got ourselves holed up somewhere safe, I got the brilliant idea to fashion this collar,” he resumed, nudging the intricate frame that Ben had removed from Rey only moments ago. “It positions the needle just right so I don’t have to worry about killing my Force puppets. Of course… Sometimes, I miss how quiet D’yn had become… Maybe I should re-think the whole no-brain-damage policy!”

Ben flinched, so great was his instinct to strike out at this vile man, so casually throwing around the idea of subjecting his beautiful Rey to a permanent catatonic state. But, as his limbs convulsed and shook Rey’s form, her eyes slipped shut. He gasped, leaning forward to gain a better angle on her, wholly alert to any additional signs of vitality. But none came.

Curious, Hux rose from his throne and meandered in their direction. Ben noticed that he stopped just beyond Ben’s reach, though, bending forward in order to peer at Rey, his mouth gaping open as he ascertained her condition.

“Yup,” he hummed. “She’s getting there. We have a little more time, though, you and I, Ren. Ah… Where was I?”

Gritting his teeth in impotent fury, Ben didn’t answer, his only focus on Rey as he smoothed her hair back from her face.

“Yes! Aedryl! She’s dead. I suppose she wasn’t terribly content with her lot, reduced to the status of a mere mortal, serving me in both mind and body…if you catch my meaning,” he added with a disgusting leer. “I didn’t think her capable of it, but she actually managed to hide a blaster from me and took it to her skull one day while I was out. Ugh, such a fucking mess, let me tell you!

“But she was good to me, in her own way. I’d managed to save up enough Force energy and I knew it was now or never. I decided it was time to get me some _real_ power. Some _Solo_ power!”

Despite himself, Ben glanced up sharply then, glaring at Hux from the corner of his eye as he grinned malevolently down at him. But his attention was turned quickly back to Rey when her head turned slightly and a faint moan escaped her throat. Frantic, he turned back to her, pulling her closer in his arms and examining her face, one bloodied finger stroking the soft, delicate flesh of her cheek.

“Rey? Sweetheart, open your eyes…”

Ben grit his teeth against Hux’s soft chuckling over him, then had to forcibly make himself relax his grip on Rey when he spoke his next words.

“That trap was meant for you, you know. You were supposed to be my next puppet, not her. Although I suppose there are benefits to how things worked out. I never would have imagined that me having her would have _tortured_ you so, Ren!

“Oh, but once I had her…!” Hux sighed in an expression of exquisite pleasure that had Ben’s blood boiling. “She tastes so good, Ren! I can just feel her now, her power coursing through me…! As soon as the link is complete, I’ll be reenergized and _nothing_ will be able to stop me! With her Force power, I’ve found there are no limits to what I can do! If I can imagine it, I can make it happen. And, oh, I can imagine quite a bit!” he added with an ominous chuckle before turning to a more contemplative attitude. “I suppose, in the end, I _do_ understand what you see in her after all!”

Never in all his considerably long and murderous life had Ben longed to end a life more than he did then. He could feel the rage coursing through his mind and body with unbearable intensity, reminding him of days long ago when the only way he could relieve the pressure inside him was by taking his lightsaber to whatever happened to be around, be it computer consoles, trees, or even on occasion people. But, even more effectively than the damnable collar around his neck, he was shackled by his physical condition and by his attentiveness to Rey. In fact, at the very moment he considered carefully laying her aside in order to end Hux or meet his own end trying, her head moved and she moaned again.

“Rey!” he choked out, his murderous inclinations usurped but not forgotten. “Come back to me, sweetheart!”

Whereas before, his entreaties toward that end had gone entirely unanswered, this time her head continued to rock, her voice continued to moan, and now her eyelids squeezed harder over her eyes and her lips parted slightly. Encouraged by these signs, Ben felt his heart rate accelerate as he redoubled his efforts, pleading with Rey to open her eyes and look at him. Unfortunately, Hux noted these signs too, and was also encouraged by them.

Before he was fully aware of what was happening, Ben and Rey were pulled roughly away from one another by their respective guards. He shouted in protest, alternating his cries for reaching Rey with those for threatening Hux. Sure enough, the rough handling provided the final impetus toward her regaining consciousness and, at last, her eyes opened, blinking furiously.

“Rey! _Rey!_ ”

“Ben?” she replied in a small voice, hanging heavy in her guards’ hold, her brow pitching downward in confusion only to reverse its direction as she took in their positions.

She reached a hand to her neck and found it bare, free of either type of collar. The her gaze focused somewhere beyond him for a moment and he knew she was attempting to access the Force.

“Ben!” she shrieked, her panic escalating quickly. “Ben, I’m empty! It’s gone!”

His heart weeping for her, his attention was dragged back to Hux as he laughed uproariously.

“Of course, it is, you Jedi fool! It’s _mine_ now! Hold them tight,” he ordered succinctly.

Ben fought against his pair of guards as they forced him to his knees, his arms pulled painfully behind him once more. Rey, however, offered no resistance as she was forced into the same position, tears staining a face that was etched in hopelessness.

Hux quickly made his way back to his throne, pulling a needle from the interior of his dark robes. Without further delay, he placed himself upon his throne and set the considerably shorter needle to the side of his neck. With a slight grimace, he shoved the needle in and plunged its liquid contents into his body. A tense, anxious sigh then escaped him as he threw the syringe aside and slumped in his royal seat.

“Its a solution,” he narrated then, continuing his explanation of the siphoning process, “distilled from the same mineral as I deposited in Rey’s skull. It completes the link, bringing her Force energy to me and only me. It has to be done immediately upon waking and it’s—”

Hux grunted suddenly, hunching sharply over at the waist. When he straightened again, his face was pale, copious sweat blooming across his forehead.

“It’s not particularly pleasant,” he managed to conclude just as another wave of intense pain overtook him.

Ben watched in a mixture of alarm, confusion, righteousness, and glee as Hux continued to groan in obvious agony, his body contorting and convulsing with increasing frequency until he slipped from the throne to the polished floor. He lay there, writhing and twisting until at last his suffering could no longer be contained and his mouth opened wide in a horrifying cry. Hux’s screams echoing through the cavernous room, ringing painfully in his ears, Ben turned swiftly to Rey, who returned his gaze with her own expression of horror. Recognizing the precaution Hux had taken in this moment of his utter vulnerability, Ben struggled against his captors only to find their grip steadfast. Desperate, knowing this could be their only chance, he shouted over the din of Hux’s screams.

“Try, Rey! Reach deep, sweetheart! Get this collar off me! We have to stop this!”

With a quick nod, Ben saw the expression of concentration overtake her face, then swiftly morph into acute strain. After a distressingly short time, she opened her eyes, glazed in tears and failure as she looked at him.

“It’s no use. It’s gone! Completely _gone_!”

Ben’s cry of impotent fury rose to mingle with Hux’s screaming as he renewed his struggles against his guards. From the corner of his eye, he saw Rey do the same and he knew she had the same thought he did: if they could just get to their lightsabers, it wouldn’t matter that they couldn’t access the Force. But they needed to do it _now_ , before Hux could reclaim control over himself and the Force.

Just as Ben realized he was making absolutely zero progress against his captors, Hux’s cries ended with an abruptness that left the air in the room quivering with its absence. In sinking horror, Ben looked up to find Hux sprawled on the floor, his face turned such that Ben couldn’t see him. But as he rose, it was evident he was in full control of his faculties, and when he turned his face toward his captives, Ben saw the light of cruelty and triumph gleaming from eyes that glowed faintly red.

Hux stood, a thin smile pulling at his lips. He stretched his body luxuriously, reminding Ben sharply of a nexu as he breathed deeply and with intense satisfaction. His hands flung out then, and Ben felt himself gripped in a restrictive hold. Both he and Rey were yanked into the air simultaneously in what he knew instantly to be another of Hux’s ostentatious demonstrations of power. His fingers contracted, and Ben felt the entirety of his body squeezed all at once. The pressure intensified, making him feel as if his insides would start oozing out of him. He tried to shout, but couldn’t draw enough air inside his lungs. Instead, what was there released with a breathy grunt when he opened his mouth, and then he found he couldn’t breathe at all. This was different from the choke hold, a different pain, but the same horror and he struggled fruitlessly for air. And, as the darkness eased in from the periphery of his vision, he wondered if he would ever wake again.

With an abruptness that left him dazed and thoroughly confused, Ben dropped heavily to the floor, the impact to his knees jarring painfully up his body. As he struggled to recover his breath, a horrible wheezing accompanying his greedy intake of air, Ben heard Hux admonishing him in a singsong voice.

“Oh, no, my dear Kylo Ren… There won’t be any dying until I say so. And I still have more for you to witness!”

A frisson of sheer terror ripped through Ben at these words. Twisting sharply, he found Rey suspended before Hux, frozen in mid-air while he took a moment to gloat maliciously at Ben. Her eyes were wide with fright, and Ben could see the small tremors in her limbs that told him she was actively attempting to break Hux’s hold on her. As he watched, a tear slipped past the confines of her eye to snake its way down to her chin.

“Hux!” Ben roared as he felt his arms claimed by his ubiquitous guards once more. “What more do you _want_?!”

Ben could have expected laughter or dismissal or any number of reactions. But the quiet satisfaction with which his enemy calmly turned and took two steps in his direction unnerved Ben more thoroughly than any other response could have.

“I want _all_ your pain,” Hux told him with gentle certainty. “I want _all_ your agony and despair. And I want to be the instrument that inflicts it upon you.”

With a dismissive gesture, Ben found himself robbed of his voice. His jaw dropped and he felt the strain of his cry purpling his complexion, but no sound emerged. His gaze fell upon Rey and he recognized the terror and desperation with which she returned his stare, tears streaming from her eyes as she gazed upon him. Redoubling his efforts, Ben strained against the captivity both of his body and his voice, instinct informing him that, whatever Hux was up to now _had_ to be stopped. But the aubergine-clad guards held him fast, their grip tightening as he struggled mutely against them.

“Ben…” Rey managed in a choked voice.

He knew what she wanted to say, but he shook his head, shouting impotently as his voice continued to fail. He knew she loved him; he didn’t want Hux witnessing that expression between them and then tainting it with his insufferable gloating. He understood her impulse, but he also knew Hux wouldn’t kill her. From all he’d explained while Rey was unconscious, Ben knew Hux needed her access to the Force, needed to claim her power. No, her life was assured.

So, then why was Ben nevertheless filled with so much dread?

As Ben watched, Rey’s gaze unfocused, her eyes crossing slightly as she blinked repeatedly in an effort to snap herself out of whatever was happening. His attention flew to Hux, finding him focused solely and utterly on her. He raised his hands as he directed her body toward him until her head was positioned between his palms. Ben saw the fear leech out of her eyes then, replaced by a blankness that was even more horrifying.

“You will remember nothing of who you are,” Hux intoned, his voice heavy with meaning.

Ben’s eyes widened, sudden understanding seizing him. Hux needed her alive, but that was it. Everything she was, every detail Ben adored about her… Hux didn’t need any of that. And, indeed, leaving it intact would only inconvenience him. Confronted by this fate worse than death, of Rey being returned to a state where she didn’t know him, didn’t know she loved him, and didn’t know how thoroughly he cherished her in return… He couldn’t… Just couldn’t…

With a furious desperation that couldn’t be denied, Ben threw off his guards and managed to get a step and a half toward Rey before he was tackled by a new pair of purple-robed thugs. The four of them together — all working in tandem to control one, beaten, distraught man — was a force Ben couldn’t overcome. He lay beneath them, his face pressed to the floor as he wailed out his mute misery, watching his beloved wife stolen away from him yet again, every one of Hux’s horrid words burned forever into his mind.

“You know only what I tell you. All other memories are gone. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, my master,” Rey responded obediently, her voice soft and steady despite the few tears that somehow continue to flow.

“Good,” Hux crooned, daring to go so far as to stroke his new pet, dragging one finger along the curve of her face, from temple to chin. “Excellent, my dear. Now… You are my devoted right hand, my most brutal enforcer, ruthless and bloodthirsty in every duty I set to you. You are intensely loyal to me, your lord and Emperor. You seek my approval in all things. Your sole desire is to please me.”

Buried deep within the anguish of his heart, a flare of hope emerged as Ben saw Rey’s jaw tighten. But Hux saw it too, and he leaned closer into her, his face straining with the effort her mental resistance was requiring of him.

“Your _sole_ desire,” he grit out through clenched teeth, “is to please _me_.”

That hope flaring brighter, Ben held his breath as Rey hesitated, her jaw working and her body trembling as she fought Hux with everything she had. He had faith in her, knew she could triumph over Hux, knew her heart was made of stronger stuff than the foul villain gave her credit for. So, when she spoke, it was with infinite hope followed by crushing defeat that Ben heard her words.

“I…desire…only….to please you…my lord and Emperor.”

Once the words were out, the hesitation that had gripped her seemed resolved, and the rest flowed smoothly.

“I seek your approval in all things,” she recited, her voice a lifeless monotone. “I am devoted and loyal only to you. I am ruthless and bloodthirsty in every task you set at my feet. Allow me to serve you, my master.”

With a triumphant sneer, Hux gently released Rey, settling her upon her own feet then releasing her from his Force grip. At once, she moved aside, taking up her position at his right hand.

Ben wept freely, howling and wailing into the floor, his screams audible only in his mind. When he looked up, Hux smiled then leaned slightly to his side, pressing his lips to Rey’s cheek even as his gaze locked unwaveringly on Ben. In a blind rage of misery and defeat, Ben pushed against his mountain of captors once more. To his shame, though, his efforts quickly subsided, melted into obscurity by the futility of his resistance and the blank look in Rey’s eyes that showed absolute devotion to Armitage Hux, Emperor of the New Galactic Empire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *holding my breath* How bad do you all hate me now?
> 
> For the record, I have violated a big pet peeve of mine in this chapter, and that is villain monologuing. I always try to avoid this whenever possible and, ordinarily, I would have chosen to do a sequence of flashbacks or some other way to SHOW you what Hux had been up to all this time, rather than just having him TELL Ben (and, by extension, you), but that would have made this fic SOOOOOO much longer. And, to be honest, I need this to finish this up relatively soon so I can focus on my dissertation!!! So, I opted for extensive villain monologuing even though I died a little inside doing it. Ugh! Just had to get that off my chest!!!
> 
> Finally, a grateful shout out to Zomadan, who helped me sort out a lot of the intricacies of Hux’s background and the Force siphon way back at the beginning of the summer. Thank you for being a fabulous sounding board and letting me bounce my crazy ideas off of you. This chapter in particular would surely have been very different without your help, my friend!!!


	32. Meddling Kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After becoming aware of the trouble their parents are about to get into, Declan and Aileen decide they must take matters into their own Force-capable hands.

Aileen huddled low to the ground, watchful and cautiously waiting. The grass tickling her nose was annoying her, but she resisted the urge to swat at it, thus giving away her position. Her heart thumped anxiously in her chest and she had the presence of mind to muffle any sound it may make outside of her body. Yet again, she checked herself, making sure that everything she could think of to escape detection was in place. Her Force signature was cloaked, every sound her body made muffled, she’d even thought to construct an olfactory bubble around her so her personal scent couldn’t give her away. No, she assured herself, she was quite secure.

She peered out into the field, carefully turning her head to one side as she thought she sensed something. Just as it occurred to her she should consider moving, she felt a weight come down on her shoulder and she yelped in surprise and fright.

“No!” she shrieked in dismay, leaping to her feet and allowing all of her precautions to drop away. “How did you find me?”

Declan gazed back at her, his grin wide and triumphant. “Your breath was moving the grass.”

She stared, incredulous, then started swinging her fists in the air, biting back words she knew she wasn’t supposed to say.

“Another win for me,” her brother declared happily. “One more and we’re tied!”

Narrowing her eyes, Aileen bit out acridly, “Alright. But it’s your turn to hide now. And I _will_ find you!”

Declan laughed and bounded away, but just as Aileen was turning to afford him the privacy he needed to hide himself, she felt a sudden jolt in his consciousness. It was a familiar occurrence, those moments when her twin brother just suddenly _knew_ something. She’d felt it when he’d plunked his finger down on a star chart, directing their father to a distant planet that had turned out to conceal their mother. She’d felt it when he’d awakened inexplicably in the middle of the night, only to find themselves under siege by a group of men clad in black and intent upon killing them. She’d felt it on any number of occasions, big and small, in which her brother somehow knew where he needed to go or what he needed to do. There was no explanation, no understanding of _why_ , regarding either why he knew or why the actions that knowing led him to were necessary. But the knowing, as they had come to call it, was getting stronger and more frequent in the last few months, ever since their father had found their mother. And Declan, guided by his mysterious knowing in the Force, had never led them astray.

But this time… It wasn’t merely the abrupt surety of what was needed that Aileen sensed through the bond with her twin brother, but a physical jolt, one that brought Aileen spinning about just as Declan stopped short and staggered backward with its impact.

“Whoa…” he breathed.

“What is it?” Aileen asked urgently, bounding through the tall grasses until she stood next to her brother.

Rather than answer, he looked up toward the long, squat bunker that served as their home, hardly taller than the grasses and well-blended into the landscape. Following his gaze, Aileen saw and felt nothing of import until suddenly Rose appeared. Reaching out instantly, she knew that their guardian was anxious, frantically worried, and Aileen’s thoughts immediately went to their father.

“Declan! Aileen!”

As one, they both raised one hand, waving at Rose, who came running toward them.

“Are you alright?” she asked as she reached them, her breath heaving through her throat and her hands touching them all over, as if attempting to reassure herself that they actually were here and hearty.

“Of course,” Aileen answered. “Why?”

Rose sighed, profoundly relieved. “Alright… Alright. Stay here, look after each other!”

“Wait!” Aileen yelped, grabbing Rose’s arm before she could run off again. “Is Dad…?”

“No!” she cried, knowing instantly what Aileen was worried about and clearly keen to ease her concern. “No, he’s fine, sweet girl. I just saw him on the comms. But I don’t know what’s going on. I’ll be back!”

And, with that, she was off and running again. Not feeling terribly assured, Aileen glanced over at Declan, who merely continued watching Rose’s head, bouncing just above the grasses as she ran back to the house. She knew by the look in his eyes that he was lost in his knowing, and it made her awfully nervous.

“What was that about?” she asked her brother.

He shook his head. “Something’s happening…”

Biting back her questions, Aileen tried to give him time to work through what the Force was telling him. She watched him intently as he continued to stare after Rose, even once she’d disappeared into the house again, and she gasped right along with him when his eyes widened and he spun with frantic energy to scan the skies above them. Looking, though, she saw nothing. The skies were clear and peaceful, and the only thing making her feel worried about anything at all was Declan. He’d been right too many times for her to simply disregard this occurrence, though she realized then that she desperately wished she could…

“What do you sense?” she asked softly, both hoping not to distract him if he really needed his concentration but also trying to ease her own anxiety.

“A dark ship. Spitting green fire. Small. Fast. A TIE!” he gasped suddenly.

Her eyes widening in fright, Aileen spun to examine the skies again, squinting into the bright blue sky with its peaceful puffs of white clouds floating by. Closing her eyes, she stretched out her senses into the atmosphere, just like Dad had taught them so many times, but she still didn’t find anything beyond a few random birds somewhere beyond her sight.

“There’s nothing there, Declan.”

“Not yet…”

Aileen’s eyes widened at his answer. He was sensing the _future_ now?! Her mind was spinning wildly with this development and she felt a flash of annoyance through their bond. Carefully stifling his access to her whirling thoughts, she understood he was trying to focus on something and she was distracting him. He was forever complaining about how loud her thoughts were, and it always annoyed her because…how was she supposed to have any control over _that_?!

While she tried to give him time to sort through whatever he was sorting through, Aileen spunaround and around, her eyes scanning every bit of the sky she could see, certain a TIE fighter firing green laser bolts was going to appear at any moment. When Declan grunted at her and flashed her an angry glance from the corner of his eye — which was quite the occurrence, considering Declan _never_ got angry — Aileen quickly shrouded herself away from all of his senses. Now, why hadn’t she thought of _that_ when she was hiding from him in the grass? Making a quick note to keep that in mind for the next time they played, Aileen set herself to trying not to let her imagination get the worst of her and to trying to wait patiently…which was never her strong suit.

At last, just as she worried she was about to go absolutely bonkers, she felt Declan nudge at her mind and she swiftly dropped all her shields and efforts to isolate herself from him. She saw him stagger where he stood, his eyes going wide at her, and she ducked her head sheepishly, knowing the weight of her anxieties thrust upon him all at once had been a bit jarring. And probably quite rude, too. But, given her brother’s compliant nature and the sense that there were much more important things afoot, he let it pass without comment.

“Mom and Dad are about to make a decision that will turn out very badly.”

Aileen’s eyes widened in fright. A cynical corner of her mind whispered that it was probably Rey’s fault, whatever it was, because Aileen knew her dad would never be so stupid. When Declan squinted his eyes at her in annoyance, though, she realized even that little whisper thought too loudly for her brother’s liking. He also didn’t like how hard Aileen was on their mother, and he’d never been shy about telling her that, not since they’d first met the woman a few months ago. Sometimes, she pondered not for the first time, it really sucked having your twin brother inside your head…

“Are they going to die?” Aileen asked timidly, voicing the far greater concern in her mind.

Declan shook his head, but the bleak look he turned upon her frightened her far more than she felt was rational.

“No,” he answered, and Aileen desperately tried to take solace from that.

But then he expanded his answer.

“It’s far worse than that.”

Tears sprang to Aileen’s eyes, her mind balking at the idea of something being _far worse_ than losing her father to death. She shook her head frantically, her feet carrying her away from her brother as she tried to convince herself he was wrong. The aggrieved look on his face as he tried to reach for her and pull her into a comforting hug only angered her, and she swatted at his hands, weeping through clenched teeth as a strangled cry escaped her throat.

“ _No_ …” she grit out at him, still shaking her head and sliding back from him.

She didn’t know if he knew what awaited their parents. She never would have thought he might in the past, since his knowing had never been so precise before. But he’d also never talked about firing TIE fighters, or decisions with bad consequences either. The specificity of his knowing today was frightening, and Aileen was terrified to hear more.

Her mind latching onto the only hope it could find, her head perked up as she turned toward the house.

“Finn will know what to do,” she stated, aware but trying to ignore the fact that she didn’t feel nearly as confident as her voice made her sound.

But just as she set foot forward to bound into the house toward the aid only adults could provide, Declan suddenly reached out and gripped her arm, stopping her. When she spun about to confront him, his wide, anxious eyes met hers and he shook his head.

“No,” he said, his voice firm and definitive. “That’s not the way.”

“Well, why not?” she wailed in frustration and fear, but he shook his head.

“I don’t know. It just isn’t.”

Oddly, this calmed Aileen considerably. This was usual. This was normal. Declan knowing things through the Force without having any idea of how or why. Just instinct that experience had told them both was better to trust than question. Back on familiar ground now, Aileen felt her anxieties ease, though not her frustration.

“Well, we have to do _something_!”

Declan’s eyes lit up at that and he actually smiled. “Yes, Aileen! Yes, _we_ do!”

She frowned, tired of this jerking about of her emotions that Declan was inflicting upon her. “What can _we_ do? We’re just kids.”

“What is it that Dad is always telling us?”

She sighed, annoyed by the reminder. “That we’re never just kids,” she intoned in a bored voice, having heard this speech far too often. “We have a lot more responsibility than that because we have access to the Force.”

“That’s right, Aileen,” Declan answered, his smile bright and really annoying. “We’re not just kids. We’re Force-users!”

Aileen sighed and twisted her lips at him. “But what can _we_ do?”

Her brother shook her head, but it didn’t diminish his smile in the least. In fact, it got bigger.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, his excited tone completely undermining his words. “But I know it has to be us that does it.”

She frowned at him, unconvinced.

“Aileen…” he murmured, gripping her arms tight, hunching over to equalize the slight advantage he’d gained in height during the last year as he stared intently into her eyes. “I’ve _never_ had a knowing this strong before. We can’t do nothing, and we can’t leave it to someone else to do something… We _have_ to do this, Aileen. For _both_ our parents.”

Her head drooped to one side, tears pricking at her eyes again. She recognized the intensity of his words, his utter and complete conviction through their bond, but she was so frightened of losing their father. Or, worse, doing something to make whatever he was facing _worse_. Even though she knew her brother could feel that from her, the words slipped from her lips.

“I’m scared, Declan.”

He nodded, sympathy and understanding shining in his beloved eyes, and Aileen allowed herself to be pulled into a rare hug, even welcoming her brother’s comforting embrace.

“I am too, Aileen.”

Squeezing him tight and gleaning the confidence that she needed from him, Aileen then pushed back, shoving a palm roughly over her face to wipe away the tears and thereby bring herself back under control. She gave one, sharp, confident nod at her brother, and then they sat down into the grass in tandem, both of them knowing they had to make a plan.

“Finn and Rose will be angry,” Aileen warned, voicing one final reservation over going this route without them.

Declan nodded. “It can’t be helped. Their duty is to our safety. They’d never let us go and we can’t afford for them to stop us.”

She mirrored his gesture, accepting his insight and knowing he was entirely right.

“What about Poe?” she asked, her hope suddenly rekindled.

They both knew Poe was far more reckless than either Finn or Rose, and Aileen felt the immediate reaction that told her Declan agreed with her assessment that he was more likely to be willing to help them out once he understood the full magnitude of what was at stake. But then she felt the sigh of defeat in her brother’s consciousness as the knowing told him that wouldn’t be possible.

“Why not?” she wondered, entirely usurping his need to relay the Force’s message.

“I think…because he’s not here. And we can’t wait for him to get back.”

“So it’s more about timing than it is whether or not he would help us?”

Declan nodded, his gaze unfocused on the here-and-now, as it always was when he was concentrating on his messages from the Force. “I think so.”

“Alright. So it’s just us. But how do we manage that? They won’t just let us take a shuttle and fly away, you know.”

“Well,” Declan began, and Aileen could already sense the distaste her brother held for what he was about to suggest. “I think we need to trick them. Make them think we’re still here when we’re not.”

Aileen’s eyes widened. “Declan… We’re not allowed to do that!”

“We’re not allowed to do any of this, Aileen!” he burst out in sudden frustration. “Come on! You’re the _difficult_ child! Why am I having to convince _you_ of this?”

She glared at him. Yes, it was true, he was generally far more easy going and obedient than she, and if either of them could be counted upon to break rules or get into trouble, it was her. But she didn’t like being reminded of that, having it thrown in her face. And Declan knew that.

“Alright, I’m sorry,” he grumbled, and Aileen suddenly realized the intense strain he was placing on himself. Well…a combination of him and the Force were placing the strain on him. As they had agreed many times in the past, sometimes being Force-sensitive just _sucked_ …

“I just… I need you with me here, alright Aileen?”

She looked into his pleading eyes and suddenly found a new and intense appreciation for her brother. No, she didn’t always get him, but she loved him and she knew they were better together than apart. So it was with profound sincerity and utmost clarity of purpose that she smiled gently and nodded, placing her hand on his arm for good measure.

“I’m with you, Declan. I’m always with you.”

She saw and felt his relief at her words and she smiled encouragingly, squeezing his arm in reassurance.

“Alright,” she began, settling into the problem at hand. “So we make them think we’re still here… For how long?”

“It has to be just until Poe gets back,” he responded after a brief pause. “We can’t affect him since he’s not here, and he’ll pull Finn and Rose out of the illusion once he realizes we tricked them.”

“Oh, they’re going to be so angry…”

Declan nodded sympathetically with Aileen’s observation, then perked up.

“We’ll leave them a message.”

“Won’t that make them just worry more, if we tell them what we’re doing?” Aileen wondered, only then realizing maybe her brother meant lying to them.

But he promptly shook his head, negating her unspoken thought.

“They’ll definitely worry, but then at least they’ll know it wasn’t just a childish whim.”

She nodded, recognizing the benefit of that. Using their abilities against their guardians was a definite no-no, but so was lying. So, at least they were only violating one rule this way. Besides, she liked the idea that they would maybe understand why they had to do this. Maybe…

“Okay,” Aileen said, a new and troubling thought forming. “That’s settled. But _then_ what do we do?”

She watch the tension take root in her brother’s face, felt it in his consciousness as he shook his head sadly. “That’s an excellent question…”

 

* * *

 

Declan stifled a yawn as he waited for his sister to finish her inspection. It was very late, they had been up plotting and scheming for hours now and they’d made very good progress, but he was really tired. He observed Aileen prowling around him, her eyes all squinched up as she examined him, searching for any weakness in the disguise she’d placed over him. Finally, she straightened, a triumphant smile spread wide across her face.

“It’s perfect! You’re even taller!”

“I know!” Declan cried, readjusting quickly to the oddness of this strange voice. “It’s so weird!”

Turning to gaze into the reflective surface of the mirror, he found a stranger looking back at him.

“Who is this guy, again?”

Declan shrugged and watched in fascination as the slender man in an Imperial uniform shrugged too.

“I don’t know. Some officer. What’s this rank?” he wondered, touching the blue and red insignia on the left side of his chest.

“No idea,” Aileen answered absently, clearely more focused on manifesting a pair of binders that appeared to fasten her wrists together. Not for the first time, she sighed heavily. “Why do I have to be the prisoner, again?”

Declan sighed too, another yawn usurping his expression of exasperation and turning it into a grandiose affair, complete with a guttural _hoo-ah_ that somehow made him even more tired.

“That’s how it’ll work,” he answered for at least the fifth time. “And don’t ask me to explain it, ‘cause I can’t.”

It had taken them all afternoon to hash through ideas and plans, waiting with every single one for the Force to let him know whether or not that was the right path. It had been time-consuming and exhausting and Declan felt like he could sleep for years now. And he was every bit as frustrated with his lack of understanding why or how all of this would work as Aileen was. The last thing he needed was her nagging him about the same point over and over. He knew she wasn’t happy being the one to pose as a prisoner in this scenario, but the Force had informed him repeatedly and with great certainty that it wouldn’t work if he was the prisoner. He didn’t know why, couldn’t explain it, although he wondered if it might be just because Aileen was better at placing disguises over other people than she was herself.

“You really don’t think it’ll be a problem that we don’t even know this guy’s name?”

Declan hesitated at her question. Honestly, he couldn’t say that. But, unfortunately, the Force was remaining silent on that point. It was really frustrating. No matter how long or how hard he concentrated, he couldn’t get any feedback one way or the other. That had happened with a few other details, too, and the only way he could make sense of it was to assume that meant the matter at hand didn’t have any bearing on the success of their mission, one way or the other. But it was an answer that both he and his sister found entirely aggravating.

As he continued to stare into the mirror, searching for any faults in the disguise despite that Aileen had just done that, Declan tentatively and anxiously gave voice to his own concern with this endeavor.

“Are you sure you’ll be able to maintain the glamour that long?”

Expecting to see disgust and annoyance in his sister’s eyes, the anxiety he found there instead was far more unsettling.

“Aileen?” Declan asked, his tone thick with warning.

Rather than answer, though, she merely looked at him, the fright and uncertainty in her gaze providing him all the answer he suspected he really needed.

“Aileen, we could be on a shuttle for days!”

“I know, Declan!” she snapped, anger her favorite recourse for self-doubt.

“So do we need to come up with another plan, or not?”

“Look… Dad always said we’d find our own talents in the Force. And, just like knowing is yours, I think this might be mine. Yeah, it’s challenging to set up the illusion sometimes, but once it’s done, I just put it in this little pocket in my mind and it stays there without changing. I’m not even trying to maintain this disguise right now and look! It’s not wavering at all!”

“But _days_ , Aileen! What about when you fall asleep?”

And, here, her anxiety returned as she gnawed on her lower lip. “Maybe you could demand a private room in the shuttle…?”

Declan sighed angrily and threw up his hands in defeat, realizing they were going to have to start all over now. But then he felt a little nudge, an imprecise yet distinct push that was all too familiar to him now.

 _What?_ he asked himself. _We have to start over?_

When no response came from the Force, he tried again, actively stifling his ever-present annoyance with this whole process.

_I could demand a private room in the shuttle?_

To his vast surprise, the confirmation came immediately from the Force and his eyes widened.

“That’ll work,” he muttered, as shocked by the realization as Aileen was when she turned swiftly back to him.

“It will?”

“Mo says, yeah, it will.”

Declan cocked his half-smile at his sister, the one that Dad was always saying reminded him of _his_ dad and that never failed to garner an eyeroll from Aileen.

“Mo,” she muttered. “Why do you call it that?”

He shrugged, unable to articulate either why or when he’d started to refer to the knowing he received from the Force as _Mo_. But it always delighted him that it irritated his sister so much. When it became clear he didn’t actually intend to answer her question, he got a second eyeroll from her.

“Well, I’m glad _Mo_ has confidence in me!”

Just then, another mighty yawn ripped its way through Declan’s worn out body and he grimaced at his sister.

“Mo also says we need to get some sleep.”

To his vast relief, Aileen agreed readily. Declan watched in amazement as she released the illusion over him, and it was with a measure of regret that he watched the age melt from his face and body until he was stuck as an almost-nine-year-old again.

“Do you think I’ll be handsome when I grow up, Aileen?”

His sister laughed at his ludicrous question, and Declan couldn’t really say he blamed her. He felt foolish asking it. But he also knew there was no point in keeping the thought locked up in his mind, because she’d find it there anyway.

“I don’t see why, considering you’re so ugly now.”

Declan felt the lighthearted teasing in his sister’s consciousness, and he grinned as he threw a pillow across the room at her. Happy despite the trials that awaited them tomorrow, he settled down into his comfy bed, one more thought working its way to the surface of his thoughts before he’d quite managed to fall asleep. Before he had a chance to put this one to words, though, Aileen answered him.

“Yeah, I know, Declan. I love you, too.”

And both the twins fell asleep with a smile on their faces and warmth in their hearts.

 

* * *

 

The Imperial outpost was menacing, and Aileen swallowed painfully against a dry throat as she stared up at it. She felt the ever-so-slight hesitation in her brother’s stride, but she allowed the trepidation she was experiencing to actually manifest in her reluctant footsteps and frightened gaze. After all, it would be entirely appropriate for her role as a captive. She noticed as Declan — secure in the disguise that she’d created for him and that was holding up beautifully — dragged her forward that he maintained his gaze upright and direct, entirely unconcerned with the attention they were gathering from passersby.

Stifling her impulse to run away, Aileen stared down at the little blinking red and blue lights on the bindings that she’d manifested about her wrists. She’d asked Declan what they meant and he hadn’t known, but now she heard whispers of _Force-user_ as they made their way through the sparse crowd outside the outpost. It occurred to her now that these could be some kind of bindings designed to render Force-users powerless.

 _Do you think?_ she asked Declan across their bond.

 _Makes sense_ , he replied with the mental version of a gesture that Aileen recognized as a shrug.

And then the time for idle contemplation had passed, because the front doors of the Imperial outpost were opening before them as Declan led them inside. Coming to a slow stop at the center of a massive rotunda, its hard surfaces reflecting and reverberating the sound of all the footsteps and voices that emanated from everywhere Aileen could imagine in the echoing space, they both stood awed by the sight before them. And they also had no idea where to go. As Aileen felt her anxiety rise right along with Declan, both of them wondering what in the name of all that was good were they supposed to do now, he suddenly reached out and grabbed a passerby, a young man who appeared to know exactly where he was going.

“Hey,” Declan said in the deeper voice that belonged to a stranger, “I’ve never been here. Where do I go for…?”

His voice drifted off, not quite knowing what it was he should ask for. But as both Declan and Aileen began to worry this plan wasn’t going to go off quite the way they had anticipated, the young man’s annoyance abruptly shifted into anxious politeness as his eyes fell upon Declan’s insignia.

“Commander!” he cried out. “I’m so sorry, sir, I didn’t realize we were expecting you today!”

Aileen watched as her brother quickly adjusted to this new information that he was evidently someone _important_. His chin lifted, allowing him to look down his nose at the young man suddenly tripping over himself in order to make up for his condescending attitude when Declan had dared to interrupt his very important trek through this very important rotunda.

“You weren’t,” Declan answered in the strange voice. “This isn’t a scheduled visit. I have a prisoner,” he added, as if that detail weren’t already obvious.

“Ah, yes,” he replied, clearly confused as his eyes scanned briefly over Aileen. “What can I help you find, sir?”

“I need to take this prisoner to the Emperor, son.”

Aileen cringed at the nickname Declan had attached, worrying that it was a bit much, but she felt his amusement in response. Mentally pinching him and admonishing him to take this seriously, she belatedly realized how pale the young man had become at Declan’s mention of the emperor.

“The—uh, sir? The Emperor, you say?” he stammered anxiously. “Uh, you probably, then…uh…should speak with the facility coordinator, sir.”

Declan nodded, clearly thinking this sounded like a fine idea. “Lead the way, boy.”

With both of them promptly turning their backs on her, Aileen indulged herself in a surreptitious eyeroll, her face bowed low as she trailed after Declan. When they arrived in an office Aileen knew they never would have been able to find on their own, they discovered that the facility coordinator was far less impressed by Declan’s rank than the young man had been.

“I am Coordinator Arroyo. What can I do for you today, Commander?”

“I need to get this prisoner to the Emperor.”

The coordinator, an overweight man with narrow, suspicious eyes, examined Declan closely.

“I see,” he murmured in a noncommittal air. “I take it you have no transport of your own?”

“No, it was damaged in the battle.”

“Battle?” he repeated with interest, his brows lifting in surprise for a moment before they shuttered again as his eyes slipped toward Aileen. “For a little girl?”

Despite herself, Aileen felt a tremor of fury pulse through her, but Declan usurped whatever she may have unwisely interjected by quickly voicing his own disdain for the comment.

“This _little girl_ ,” he informed the coordinator with haughty arrogance that Aileen fervently hoped wasn’t excessive, “is one of the galaxy’s most powerful Force-users and of particular interest to the Emperor himself. Now, if you like, I’d be happy to remove her bindings and ask her to give you a demonstration…”

Twisting his lips in annoyance at being called out on his presumption, he studied Aileen while she, in turn, stared back at him gravely. At the same time, she questioned Declan.

_Is that even true?_

_What?_ her brother remarked snidely. _You’re not a powerful Force-user?_

She snorted at him indelicately through the bond, but then said, _What if he takes you up on your offer?_

_Then we’re screwed._

Not particularly encouraged by his response, she focused on the coordinator again, who finally seemed to give up on his belligerence. With a grunt Aileen decided to interpret as an expression of annoyance, he turned to pick up a datapad from the desk behind him.

“Protocol dictates that I contact Supreme Leader Hux before anyone—”

Aileen had already guessed that this was a test to see just how serious Declan was about reaching the Emperor, if he was even willing to go through whoever this Hux person was, but he shocked her when he spoke up loud and excited, interrupting the coordinator.

“Hux!” Declan cried “Yes! Call _him_! Tell him Vosnik has the Solo child!”

The coordinator just as much if not more surprised by Declan’s outburst than Aileen, his eyes widened then quickly narrowed before he took his datapad and marched off, clearly having had quite enough of this strange and pushy commander. The moment he left the room, Aileen turned to Declan with a rebuke ready on her lips, but was stunned to find him grinning at her quite happily.

 _What was_ that _?_ she cried, remembering only at the last moment to speak with him through their bond rather than out loud.

 _Mo!_ Declan exclaimed, bouncing on his toes in excitement. _It’s never spoken to me so clearly before!_

_So…you’re Vosnik?_

_I guess…!_

Sooner than she would have expected, the coordinator returned, and Aileen could immediately tell from his high color that what Declan had said had worked.

“I am to grant you a shuttle and the coordinates to the Emperor’s ship,” the coordinator admitted, clearly irritated and avoiding Declan’s gaze now.

“And a pilot.”

Surprised, his head snapped up at that. “Now, see here—”

“I require a pilot, Coordinator Arroyo,” Declan reiterated firmly, his gaze suddenly rigid and his jaw tight as he asserted his authority. “And a ship fast enough to reach the Emperor within two standard solar days.”

 _Don’t forget_ —

“With a private sleeping chamber,” Declan added hastily, but Arroyo seemed far more concerned with other details.

“Two days?” he cried, incredulous. “The Emperor’s ship is a four-day journey—”

“You will make it happen, _Coordinator_ , within _two_ days. Or I will be certain to advise the Emperor who he can blame for the delay in his prisoner’s arrival.”

Aileen held her breath as the coordinator’s face flushed a bright red and Declan continued to stand tall and firm at her side. Her heart thudding with great trepidation inside her chest as the coordinator grit his teeth and pondered his options, Aileen had to stifle a vast sigh of relief when he finally caved.

“Right away, sir,” he muttered, his gaze cast downward. “I’ll have you on your way within the hour. Please make yourself comfortable here while I see to the arrangements for you.”

“Very good, Coordinator,” Declan answered in a smug tone as the other man hurried out of the office.

Aileen forced herself to wait a solid minute before she turned her eyes up toward her brother in the guise of a stranger.

“De—”

 _No_ , he interjected swiftly. _Talk to me this way. It’s safer_.

_Who is Hux?_

Declan shrugged. _I don’t know, but I know that’s who will get us to Mom and Dad in time._

_He’s someone who is going to help us, then?_

He scrunched up his face in thought. _I’m not sure_.

Aileen sighed, desperately trying to contain her anxiety as it really hit her what they were doing. She looked around the luxurious office, her gaze drawn to the bright light and beautiful skies outside the window.

 _Declan_ , she whispered across their bond. _Please tell me we’re doing the right thing._

Although alert to the trepidation her brother shared with her, she nevertheless welcomed his gesture as he reached out with a soothing touch through the bond. But when he answered, _It’s what we have to do_ , Aileen sighed, all too aware that wasn’t quite the same thing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh…. A chapter without content warnings. What a relief, right?!
> 
> I got a lot of comments about how hopeless the last chapter was, and you’re right. It was very hopeless. And that was intentional. So…here’s some hope!
> 
> I realized after the fact that I probably should have reminded you about my happy ending guarantee after the last chapter, so here it is now instead! One of the things I love best about writing is finding a way into the deepest, darkest hole, and then finding a way out of it again. I promise you, there really is a way out!!!
> 
> It’s hard for me to gauge at this point, since climax chapters often get split up into more chapters than I originally anticipated, but I think we only have maybe…three chapters left? This is the last for this weekend, though. I’m glad I could leave you for the week on something other than that last cliffhanger!!!
> 
> Remember I'm always available for chatting on Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/kcmarsala. I'm always happy to discuss my story and plot choices with you there as well!!!


	33. Converging Forces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe, Finn, and Rose discover the kids missing, Ben is not in good shape, and Declan and Aileen arrive in Hux’s throne room. S**t’s about to get real!

“How could this happen?”

Finn paused long enough to give Poe the sorriest look he’d ever seen in his life. As angry as Poe was, he really didn’t mean to take it out on Finn. And the horrid expression with which he greeted Poe’s question was enough to make him regret saying anything at all.

“I don’t know!” Finn wailed miserably, turning to pursue Rose, who hadn’t bothered to stand around chit-chatting.

Gritting his teeth, Poe ran after both of them, back into the low, squat bunker-turned-home he’d expected never to see again. When he’d finally reached the designated rendezvous with the rest of his strange little family, he’d known something was wrong right away. There was no cry of greeting from Declan, nor a moody stare from Aileen that Poe secretly believed was her happy face. What was worse, both Finn an Rose seemed out of it, like they hadn’t gotten any sleep in at least two days. He’d tried to ask about it, but Finn had only insisted in a strangest monotone that everything was fine. But when he’d asked where the kids were…

“I just don’t understand how you could leave them behind!” Poe called out of sheer frustration.

“I don’t know!” Finn shouted again, although this time with considerably more rage in his voice as he rounded on Poe again just outside the sunken entrance. “I thought they were right there, okay? Yeah, we left in a hurry, but you _know_ we never would have _forgotten_ them. I just… I can’t explain it!”

“I can.”

Both men spun fast to stare at Rose, who held out a datapad in her trembling hand. Her eyes were haunted, frightened, and brimming with tears. With only a moment’s hesitation, Finn reached out and snagged the datapad. Touching the screen, he paused a moment to read, then he slumped. Arms, shoulders, head, chest… It all just _slumped_. Not bothering to wait on an invitation, Poe lunged forward to seize the device.

“Mom and Dad are in trouble,” he read. “We have to help. Please don’t be angry. We love you.”

For an instant, his frustration flared, then he understood. He supposed he’d always expected this day would come, when the twins would figure out only one adult in their household was really capable of managing them, and _not_ one of the ones who was usually around. That they should choose their first act of disobedience over this, though… Poe felt his heart swell and ache for those kids.

“They mind tricked you.”

His expression souring swiftly, Finn reached out and hit Poe on the arm with a tightly closed fist.

“What does this mean,” Finn groused, grabbing the datapad back and scowling at it, “‘Mom and Dad are in trouble’? Didn’t you say you just talked to Ben?”

“Well, it was yesterday, but yeah. Everything was fine. _Better_ than fine!”

“Could they have been tricked, you think?” Rose asked, her face tense with concern.

Poe set his jaw. “One way to find out,” he shouted over his shoulder, already running back to his X-wing.

By the time he leaned into the cockpit, Finn and Rose had caught up. His motions harsh and jerky, he spun up the comms unit and dialed in an all-too-familiar code, then dropped back down to the grass with the comlink in his hand. Unable to keep still, his feet practically danced and his lips moved incessantly as he muttered “Come on, come on, come on…” under his breath. Finally, just as he was ready to begin swearing loudly, the familiar voice he’d expected answered.

“Dameron!” Maz cried jovially. “Miss me already?”

“What’ve you heard from your Imperial spies, Maz?” Poe asked urgently, utterly foregoing any pleasantries.

The diminutive woman’s tone immediately reflected her awareness of the urgency, and the first words she said wrenched hard in Poe’s gut.

“I thought it was nothing…”

“What, Maz?!”

“H-Hux,” she blurt out, the usually unflappable woman clearly troubled. “I have reports he’s been preoccupied, spending all his time with the Emperor. There’ve been rumors of a prisoner, but my informants haven’t been able to confirm it. Have you tried calling him?”

Poe looked toward Rose, who had run off to the shuttle as soon as she’d realized what Poe was up to. She had the whole comm unit tucked under her arm, and Poe could tell from the blinking orange light that the call she was trying to make wasn’t connecting. He watched a moment, hoping against hope, then Rose lifted her face from the readout with fear in her eyes and shook her head. Poe swore viciously.

“No answer,” he told Maz.

“Poe…?” Maz moaned, the tone of her voice striking him hard. “Poe, please tell me that prisoner isn’t Ben…”

“We don’t know. But the kids are gone. They tricked Finn and Rose into thinking they were right there, and they left a note saying Rey and Ben are in trouble.”

“Those little _beasts_ ,” Maz hissed under her breath, then her voice sounded more distantly, as though she’d pulled away from the comm. “Chewie! Fire up the _Falcon_! I’m sending you the last known coordinates of Hux’s ship now,” she said then, her voice back to full strength as she addressed Poe again. “That devil is _not_ fucking with my family again. Don’t wait for me, Poe. I won’t wait for you.”

“Got it,” he answered swiftly, but Maz was already gone.

Glancing briefly at Finn and Rose, they all nodded as one. Poe held back a grim smirk as they all hurried into their ships again. It’d had been far too long since he’d had occasion to blow something up.

 

* * *

 

Ben’s eyes snapped open, but the _clank_ that had awakened him was nowhere to be found. His head lolled back, spinning painfully, as he tried to remember…

Rey… She was…not his…again. Hux had ordered her to fight him and she had, with all her skill and might. Though neither of them had access to the Force, Hux had allowed them both their lightsabers, of course knowing that Ben would sooner let her kill him than harm one hair on her head. He’d harbored hope first that she was fooling Hux into thinking he had stolen her memories again when in fact he hadn’t, but the first strike of her weapon against his quickly doused that flimsy dream. Then he’d hoped some measure of her innate Light would persist, persevere through Hux’s degenerate sorcery. But when he’d tired to reach her, he received enough blows to both his body and his heart that he could no longer fight. He’d lowered his weapon then and closed his eyes, sorrowfully accepting whatever destiny had in store for him, but it had been Hux and not Rey who had spared his life. The last he recalled, he’d collapsed to the floor, beaten and broken…and now he was here, cold and in the dark.

Wracked with pain, covered in burns, cuts, and bruises, sick in his heart…his fight was gone. Wallowing in his heartache and pain, all that was left was to wait for Hux’s order to end it all and kill him. He’d lost. He’d tried so hard for so long, and there was nothing left anymore.

As he struggled to open his eyes, unable to ascertain whether or not he’d accomplished the feat due to the absolute darkness, Ben wondered if he was emerging from or succumbing to unconsciousness. With no light, no contact, or even true wakefulness to guide him, he had no idea how long he’d been held captive. Hours, days… For all he knew, it could have been months or years by now.

As a fit of coughing wormed its way up from his chest and through his throat, he closed his eyes and gave up. His thoughts flew to his children and he sent a prayer into the Force, trusting in his friends to see to their safety since he no longer could. They’d been doing far better at that job than he for most of the twins’ lives, so he had no reason to suspect they would not continue to do so. Still, he grieved the loss, the choices that had left him here, mourning their mother who yet again stood on the opposite side of the conflict from him, and knowing he’d never see them again.

As far as he could recall, he’d had no food or drink since arriving on Hux’s Star Destroyer. Nor had his untold injuries received any attention. Lifting his hand, he felt the weakness in his limbs, the stinging pain in his open wounds, the deep grumbling in his empty stomach. But all that paled in comparison with the ache in his heart. Despite his self-recriminations, he wondered where Rey was, what she was doing, how badly Hux was abusing her, and when Ben would find out about it. Because, knowing Hux, he _would_. There would be no point in tormenting Rey if Ben didn’t know about it, for that knowledge to torment him too.

He hadn’t seen her since she’d handily beat him in a lightsaber duel that he’d fully expected to end with his death. That Hux had forestalled that conclusion and ordered her to stand down meant that he had other plans for Ben. Weak, dehydrated, sore, and utterly hopeless, he was now also tormented with the awareness that Hux could and would toy with him by any means he wished. Already broken in spirit, the best Ben could hope was that Hux would soon tire of the game he’d already won and either kill him or toss him in a hole to die slowly at his own pace. Blinking wearily in the darkness, it occurred to Ben to wonder if he’d already been subjected to that hole, his body already working on that slow death. But when the door quietly whooshed open and Ben whimpered to his great shame, he realized he wasn’t quite as ready to give up and die as he’d thought.

Blinking and squinting against the pain of the bright light streaming inside his prison, Ben fought ineffectually against the unseen hands that pulled at him until he lay huddled and naked on the floor. He gasped then with an inhuman sound of surprise, pain, and dismay as frigid water was thrown over him, washing away the worst of the filth he’d been forced to stew in. Shivering violently, he meekly acquiesced to the silent order given by fresh clothing flung in his direction, pulling the simple tunic and pants across his wet skin as well as he could. Bedraggled, barefoot, and trembling, the two he could now discern to be stormtroopers then pulled him into a semblance of standing and marched forth with him. Despite all he’d ever been through in his long, sorry life, all he’d overcome, Ben hoped they carried him to his execution.

 

* * *

 

Declan stared ahead, his head held high, gleaning strength from his hand perched firmly on his sister’s shoulder. He’d been in this guise so long now — nearly three full days — that he was beginning to get used to it. Even chance glimpses of himself in reflective surfaces didn’t startle him anymore, which was good because Star Destroyer interiors were a lot more reflective than he would have thought. In fact, Aileen was looking at him through a shiny bit of trim right now. Unable to risk an encouraging smile due to their company, he instead sent her a mental image of frolicking porgs, which had her swiftly bowing her head low to hide her reaction. If either of them had attracted any undue attention, Declan couldn’t tell, either through the narrow reflection or his broader awareness in the Force.

‘ _I can only feel one_ ,’ Aileen sent him through their bond as she regained her composure and Declan stifled a worried nod.

He’d been sensing the same thing, working hard to repress the awareness of what it meant. Speeding upward at an astonishing rate for a surprisingly long time, he’d become more and more aware of the Force energy they were rapidly approaching. And, try though he might to reassure himself, it worried him. Not only that there was only one presence, nor that it was neither their father’s nor their mother’s, but that it was…wrong. Declan frowned as he tried to reason through exactly what was wrong with it, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. It just felt… _wrong_.

‘ _Does that mean they’re already dead?_ ’ Aileen asked, her mental tone squeaking in anxiety.

This time, Declan failed to keep his head still.

‘ _No_ ,’ he insisted silently while swiping his hand near his ear as if warding off an insect.

— _were_ there insects on Star Destroyers? He really wasn’t sure, but he promptly decided it didn’t matter since none of the stormtroopers lining the rear of the lift reacted in any way. They might as well be empty suits of armor, he realized.

‘ _No, we can’t know_ what _it means. It could mean anything. It doesn’t mean they’re dead._ ’

Of course, he didn’t know that, _couldn’t_ know that. In fact, Declan was having enough trouble managing his own anxiety on that score, he didn’t need Aileen’s too. But they had come too far, accomplished too much to get to this point, only to find out now that it was all for nothing. No, he refused to believe they had failed. Maybe their parents weren’t even here. Maybe they were on their way to see Hux or the Emperor or whoever but Mom and Dad were somewhere else entirely.Yeah, that had to be it. Otherwise…if they _were_ here…with no Force energy…

‘ _Dec…?_ ’

Declan stifled the impulse to draw a long, shaky breath, but he couldn’t quite suppress a tremor in his lower lip. Thankfully, a shift in the tone of the droning mechanism for the lift lowered as it eased to a stop then the doors swished open. Confronted with a large, dark space that thoroughly intimidated him, Declan didn’t have any more time to worry about what was going to happen. Three days ago, when Mo had communicated so clearly what needed to be done, he’d placed his faith in the Force. Even though Mo had gone alarmingly quiet since then, this was where Declan still needed to be. Where _Mom and Dad_ needed him to be. He reminded himself of that, reminded Aileen too through a gentle flexing of his fingers on her shoulder as they stepped forward into darkness.

The cloying feeling of the weird Force energy enveloped them both and Declan shared the realization with his sister that, whoever it was coming from, was here. What he quickly picked up that she didn’t, though, was the realization that, whoever it was would naturally be able to see right through his disguise. He heard Aileen gasp with the realization, sudden spears of fright lancing through both their minds as her head swiveled, frantically trying to determine from which direction their doom was about to come. But Declan promptly calmed her, sending soothing sensations along the bond while pressing her shoulder and speaking to her gently.

‘ _It’s okay_ ,’ he assured her. ‘ _Don’t worry_.’

‘ _How can I not worry?_ ’ she demanded, the edge of anger making Declan almost smile. After all, anger was better than fear in this situation. Especially for Aileen.

‘ _If we were to be found out, we would have been by now. Can’t you feel how_ close _this thing is?_ ’

Declan felt more than saw Aileen’s nod, and, more importantly, he also felt her calming. With a quick backward glance through the Force, he also noticed that the four stormtroopers that had escorted them from the shuttle were still inside the lift as the doors slid closed once more. He was quite alone with Aileen, striding forward with far more confidence than he actually felt.

Soon enough, an elaborate chair materialized at the top of concentric platforms that formed steps toward it. In the chair — _throne_ , he supposed — was a skinny, pale man with a shocking flash of bright hair. He lounged in the seat, leaning lazily over to one side as he stared off to his right. Following his gaze, Declan nearly stumbled in shock as he saw his mother standing over his father, who appeared to be dead.

“Daddy!” Aileen gasped, attempting to jerk out of Declan’s grasp.

And, mercifully, _finally_ , Mo spoke.

‘ _No_ ,’ he told her firmly, gripping her shoulder and pulling her back to her position in front of him. ‘ _Not yet_.’

But her breathy cry was enough to pull the Emperor’s attention and he rose with an exclamation of delight as he approached them. Declan, though, was distracted by both his own and his sister’s efforts to determine if it was merely their father’s body that lay off to their left, his back curved toward them and offering them little in the way of information regarding his condition. With a great effort of will power, Declan forced himself to continue facing toward the approaching Emperor, allowing Aileen to look her fill and report to him through their mental connection.

‘ _Is he dead?_ ’

‘ _I can’t tell,_ ’ Aileen whimpered silently.

From the corner of his eye, Declan saw their mother turn toward them before making her way with arrogant grace up the stairs to settle on the throne, one leg flung haphazardly over its armrest. Noting and shuddering at the dead look in her eyes, along with the absolute lack of recognition and not even the slightest sliver of Force energy he’d felt from her previously, Declan realized this was not the woman he’d met on Naboo. It might be her body, but it definitely was not her—

Which was when it hit him.

‘ _The Emperor has_ her _Force energy! That’s why it feels so wrong!_ ’

Declan felt Aileen’s jolt of astonishment, and then the Emperor was upon them.

“Vosnik,” the pale man crooned with a sinister smile on his lips. “I see you’ve brought me my prize.”

Distracted and confused by the realization that this man had somehow taken his mother’s Force energy — and her memories, apparently — Declan didn’t realize right away that the repulsive man was speaking to him, not until Aileen nudged him through the Force.

“Oh— Uh…yeah.”

The Emperor frowned, peering at Declan closely, at which he swiftly added, “Sir.”

Unable to help himself, knowing this was completely not the right time to do it and yet knowing he couldn’t resist, Declan pushed his consciousness slightly into his mother’s mind, just barely touching her, searching for any familiar bit of the connection he’d felt on Naboo. But there was nothing. Not just no recognition but literally almost _nothing_. Her mind was mostly blank, only a few phrases swirling around endlessly in the barren landscape of her mind, phrases that made him shudder. _Devoted right hand_. _Brutal enforcer_. _Ruthless and bloodthirsty_. _Only to please you_.

“Vosnik!” the Emperor shouted at the same instant that Aileen flung out, ‘ _Declan!_ ’

“What! Yes?”

He shook his head and blinked hard, finally taking in the hard stare the pale man had fixed upon him. Declan cleared his throat.

“My apologies, sir.”

‘ _My lord!_ ’

“My lord!” he hastily added, following Aileen’s hasty suggestion. And, even while Declan tried hard to focus on the man he instinctively knew to be dangerous standing immediately before him, Mo piped up again.

‘ _That’s what’s wrong!_ ’ he realized suddenly, his eyes widening before he could stop them. ‘ _It’s not_ his _Force energy! He can_ use _it, but it doesn’t_ speak _to him! That’s why he can’t sense your illusion, Aileen. Unless he_ looks _for it, he won’t!_ ’

‘ _It doesn’t matter!_ ’ she shot back frantically. ‘ _Answer him! He knows there were two of us and he wants to know where_ you _are!_ ’

“Dead,” Declan blurt out suddenly. “The boy is dead.”

 

* * *

 

Aileen trembled violently as the scrawny man confronting Declan laughed riotously. Not for the first time, she found herself grateful that she was playing the prisoner and therefore didn’t have to disguise her fear as she shrank back. She did, however, have to remember not to cling to her brother for comfort and strength as the Emperor continued to laugh. She stared, her eyes wide, as he lazily sauntered away from them and Aileen stole a look up at her brother as he wandered in the direction of their father, who, with no presence in the Force, she still couldn’t determine was alive or dead. But then she had her answer.

“You hear that, Ren!” the disgusting man shouted down at her father, kicking him in the shoulder and eliciting a whimper from Aileen in the process. “Your boy is dead!”

Roused at last, his shoulder fell toward them as he flopped onto his back. Aileen squeaked and sobbed as she saw that he’d been beaten horribly…but he was alive.

“Declan…” he moaned weakly, and Aileen felt her brother twitch in reaction to seeing his father’s grief over his supposed death. And then it got worse.

Dad roared her brother’s name, staggering to his feet even though he clearly was in no condition to mount any kind of an offense. His bleary, swollen eyes sought out Declan, well concealed in the disguise she’d created and maintained for him for three days now. And it was so odd for Aileen, seeing her father’s grief-stricken gaze aimed at the man who she knew actually _was_ his son.

“You killed him!” he cried, his broken voice making it impossible to tell if it was an accusation or a question.

As their father tried ineffectively to advance on Declan, tears streaking paths through the grime and blood that coated his face, Aileen also wept, swiftly working herself up in grief for her father’s condition until she couldn’t contain it anymore. Throwing off Declan’s restraining hand, she cried out for him. She saw the moment his eyes shifted toward her, at last taking her in, seeing past the anguish of his son’s death. But just as she saw him recognize her, she also felt her body seized and lifted by an invisible force. Declan’s cry rang out then, so clear that she wasn’t sure if he’d spoken aloud or in her mind.

‘ _Aileen! Don’t resist! Let him in!_ ’

Struggling against the grip that held her tight, Aileen’s mind spun in confusion even as she recognized the certainty Declan always had in his voice when he was relaying things he knew through the Force. She heard and acknowledged the urgency in his waning, but had no idea what he was on about. Crying out and weeping for her father, Aileen continued to push against the Force bind, finally recognizing it for what it was. Rather than make any headway in her predicament, she saw Dad flung backward, his broken body screeching along the floor until he thumped hard into the distant wall. Meanwhile, Rey rose languidly from the throne and swiftly advanced on him, extending a lightsaber that bore two white blades in a staff configuration.

“Don’t you touch him!” Aileen shrieked at the evil woman who’d once tried to convince her she wasn’t. “Leave him alone!”

But even as Rey utterly ignored her cries, the Emperor focused solely on Aileen. His expression of delight as he gazed upon her both frightened and reviled her. She wanted nothing more than to get away from him, but instead she found herself moving inexorably toward him.

‘ _Don’t fight!_ ’ Declan reminded her, then he was abruptly cut off from her.

Seized in a moment of panic as the bond with her brother went cold, she struggled and screamed. And when she felt the invasion of a sickly sweetness pressing into her consciousness, she reacted instinctively and pushed it back out.

“Ah, my young one!” the Emperor laughed. “Don’t fight me! There’s no use resisting!”

Fight. Resist. Those words broke through and Aileen finally understood. When the disgusting man tried again, she deliberately pushed back, but the moment she felt the expected pain searing through her mind and body, she stopped. He slipped right in then with sickening ease. It didn’t hurt, really, but it certainly wasn’t pleasant either, feeling him rooting around inside her mind. And then it occurred to her to pay attention to what he was searching for.

As usual, Declan had been right. As she felt the Emperor’s consciousness withdrawing, she realized all he’d wanted was to get a sense of her power, to know how strong her access to the Force was. Anything else — whether it would have been advantageous to him or not — was of no concern. Remembering what Declan had said about the Force not speaking to this man, Aileen realized how blind that left him.

“Oh, you’ve done well, Vosnik!” the Emperor chuckled happily as his hand reached out and gripped Aileen’s chin. She could smell his rotten breath as he continued to praise the man her brother appeared to be. “I’ve done well to place my trust in you!”

“Very good, my lord,” Declan answered with an obsequious bow at the same time that Aileen felt the bond slip open again and heard, ‘ _Are you okay?_ ’

‘ _Yeah,_ ’ she responded even while she shut her eyes tight against the sight of this vile man, unable to do anything more since he still held her tight in the Force. ‘ _Thanks to Mo._ ’ She felt her brother smile and thought he even actually _did_ smile, which had her gritting out in annoyance, ‘ _Can we kick his ass yet?_ ’

As the Emperor finally moved away from her, back toward his throne, laughing all the while, she saw Declan’s eyes flitting around the room, from her, to Dad against the wall to her left and guarded by Rey with her double-ended lightsaber, to the Emperor settling into his throne as if he had everything completely under control. She grunted softly under her breath, itching to show this scrawny man what she and her brother were capable of, but she trusted Declan, so she waited.

‘ _Not yet_ ,’ he finally said. ‘ _When I tell you, get that collar off Dad and drop your illusions. Do what you can to help him recover and I’ll distract the Emperor._ ’

‘ _What about Rey?_ ’

‘ _You mean Mom._ ’

Aileen nearly snarled. ‘ _That is_ not _our mother!_ ’

‘ _Yes, she is! She’s still in there!_ ’

‘ _Whatever…_ ’

But before Declan could actually answer her question, it seemed the Emperor had finally listened to himself laugh long enough.

“Oh, Ren!” he sighed expansively, turning to address her father. “You and your bitch bred well.”

Aileen narrowed her eyes at this disgusting man, inexplicably angered by the disdain he showed for the woman who had one existed, who had once loved her and her brother and her father, but who had been lost for a long, long time.

“So much power in this little one!”

Aileen hated him calling her _little one_ even more, and she furiously pushed aside her brother’s nudge reminding her not to fly off the handle without him. Before she even knew what was happening, though, Aileen felt herself drop. She looked up in time to catch the tail end of a gesture aimed at her brother that both of them interpreted as an instruction for Declan to take over guarding her again. Then he turned to address Rey.

“You and your daughter are plenty,” he told her, actually eliciting a small frown of confusion from her otherwise blank face. “Which means we don’t need him anymore.”

All eyes — her own, her brother’s, Rey’s, and the Emperor’s — slid toward Dad then, and Aileen saw his gaze connect with hers. Despite the hollow absence of him in the Force, she saw the sorrow, regret, and fear in his gaze, and she wept anew, whispering _Daddy_ to him, her heart breaking to see him like this…and then filled with rage as her eyes slipped over to Rey, knowing it was she who’d brought him to this. Even if it weren’t for the absence of blood on the Emperor’s knuckles and the smattering of it on Rey’s, even if it weren’t for the clear evidence of light saber burns on her father’s neck and arms, she’d still blame Rey, knowing it was his obsessive quest to find her that had led him into danger, that had time and time again stolen him away from his family until at last he hadn’t come home. Even if they survived today, Aileen vowed she would never forgive Rey for what she’d brought her father to. And, if she had the chance to kill her herself, she would.

‘ _Aileen…_ ’

Ignoring the admonishment in her brother’s tone, she continued to glare at the woman who had once given birth to her but who had never been her mother. And then, with an imperious gesture toward her Dad, the Emperor gave the order she’d known was coming.

“Kill him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, didn’t I have a cliff-hanger chapter in “Conflicted” that ended with an order to kill Ben? Why is everyone always trying to bump him off?
> 
> You’ll notice that I have updated the chapter count, which means we only have 2 chapters left. The next chapter is already drafted and will be out in a day or two once I’ve had a chance to revise it. In the meantime…
> 
> Remember, comments are life-giving!!!


	34. Residual Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Declan and Aileen enter the fray! But Ben’s very confused. And Rey…? Well…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the delay! It was tougher editing than I expected.
> 
> Enjoy!!!

‘ _Declan!_ ’

Aileen hollered in their minds at the same time that her voice rose in a wordless cry. As she watched Rey lift her lightsaber, as Dad pulled his gaze from Aileen to look up at the woman that was about to murder him, as the Emperor leaned forward in his throne, eager to witness the bloodshed, Aileen turned to her brother, broadcasting loud and clear through their bond that they were out of time.

Finally, at last, about damn time, Mo agreed.

‘ _Now!_ ’

Without hesitation, Aileen instantly dropped the illusion both over Declan’s appearance and the bindings that had supposedly kept her powerless. Even as the Emperor shouted in surprise, she flung her arm toward her father, concentrating the Force precisely to crush the collar that suppressed his access to the Force then yanking it away from him. Then, only vaguely aware of Declan standing over her in his own guise once again, protecting her as the Emperor at last caught onto what was happening, Aileen dropped to her knees with her eyes closed.

In a flood of awareness that so overjoyed her she nearly burst into tears, Aileen felt her father’s presence surge back into the Force, back into her consciousness. She felt the rush of energy it gave him, the strength merely being with the Force lent him as he reached out and called his lightsaber — which she hadn’t even known was there — into his hand. Just in time, the familiar red crackle of his blade crossed Rey’s smooth white one, the plasma beams so close to his face that Aileen could see him wince at its heat. Deliberately thrusting a surge of strength into him, she felt him push Rey away and clamber to his feet.

And that was when Aileen became aware of her own limitations.

Three days… She’d sustained Declan’s disguise for three days and it had felt effortless, even while she slept. But now she realized it wasn’t. Sensing her brother’s recognition that she didn’t have as much strength as either of them had expected, the first hints of panic squeezed its way into her mind. And only then did Aileen realize it was actually coming from Declan.

The Emperor — Hux, as she now knew her father thought of him — was strong, far more than Declan could handle on his own. She nearly depleted of all her strength and Declan already down by half, Aileen watched in despair as Dad tried to do something to Rey, his hand waving toward her, only to have no effect. She felt the dread realization in his mind that he couldn’t manage even a simple effect, then she saw him stumble. Aileen gasped as Rey’s lightsaber nicked his bicep, burning through his thin tunic and pulling a pained grunt from his throat.

With renewed desperation, Aileen shut out all distractions and focused on her father. She poured every last bit of strength she had into him, willing her Force energy to restore him enough that they could all survive. And then something remarkable happened. Without realizing it, Aileen’s hand lifted and she caught an object that came flying toward her. Opening her eyes, she realized it was Rey’s lightsaber. Astonished, confused, she stared at it for a moment, but Rey didn’t require any such time for adjustment before she was responding to the odd turn of events.

‘ _Inside!_ ’ Declan cried briefly before returning his focus to the Emperor and the volley of Force grabs and pushes and strikes that he was struggling to deflect.

Even as Rey charged her, Aileen turned and struck the lightsaber hard against the floor, thrusting the last of her energy into the action. Far more readily than it should have, the casing split and two small objects tumbled out. Opening her hand instinctively, a deep blue stone snapped into it at the same time that an amber one leapt into Declan’s hand.

_Kyber crystal_ , she heard inside her mind, and the voice, wispy and ethereal, belonged to no living being she had ever or would ever hear.

Feeling a sudden surge of strength and vitality that she knew her brother felt as well, Aileen stood next to him and clasped his free hand. Together, they reached into the Force, and the energy they managed to pull forth from it was awe inspiring. As one, they pushed out, both Rey and the Emperor flying backward as they refocused their joint energy into their father. With an exhilaration Aileen was certain she would never again experience in her life, she felt his life essence swell, renew, regenerate. And when he stood this time, it was with strength and confidence.

Grinning, Aileen felt Dad connect with her and her brother briefly, a deep sense of gratitude and love flowing between the three of them. Then, she felt him reach out to Rey, instantly dropping her into a deep sleep.

“Get out of the way,” he told them, his voice calm and controlled as his eyes fixed upon the Emperor.

Astonished by the murderous gaze she saw in her father’s eyes, Aileen stared, mesmerized, as Declan pulled her inexorably away. She continued to watch, though, as her mighty father waged battle with an evil man. The first time she saw white streaks of lightning surge from the Emperor’s fingertips to strike out at her father, Aileen winced and jerked against her brother’s grip.

“No!” he cried, holding her fast and yanking on her arm to draw her attention.

Turning angrily, she found Declan kneeling at Rey’s side. She was unconscious and Aileen didn’t understand why he should be so interested in her when their father was under attack. If she were awake, yeah, focusing on her would make sense so they could subdue her or — if Aileen really had her way — kill her. But as it was, she just wasn’t worth their time.

“I can help him!” she insisted, feeling the edges of the Kyber crystal held tight in her fist, as well as the power and focus it lent her.

“He doesn’t need our help!”

But, even as Declan shouted, Aileen heard a stunted cry from her father and she turned in time to see him fall to one knee before gathering his strength and striking upward with his lightsaber, catching the Emperor on his left side with a glancing blow.

Aileen hesitated. Clearly Declan was right, but she felt in her heart that her father was only a hair’s breadth away from utter defeat. She could help him. She _knew_ she could! And if he fell to the Emperor, his life snuffed out before her very eyes, the father she adored and cherished so very, very much… She could never forgive herself.

Resolved, she pulled once more against Declan’s grip, but then his voice, eerily calm and assured, reached her ears.

“I need you here.”

Looking down at him, his brow tightened in concern as he gazed up at her, pleading, Aileen felt a brush of something against her consciousness. She couldn’t make out any words, but instinct told her it was the same ethereal presence that had provided her with the unfamiliar word _Kyber_.

“Mo,” she whispered, and Declan nodded.

The Force.

With one last glance toward her father, gritting her teeth against what she was doing when she saw him falter once again, she knelt down beside her brother, carefully stifling her resentment at having no idea whatsoever why she should be here with the mother she hated rather than with the father she loved.

 

* * *

 

With a cry of frustration and rage, Ben surged upward, throwing Hux back once more and even managing to redirect some of his Force lightning. Stifling his distracting emotions, he reached deep down inside to find the strength to break through his opponent’s defenses, but his attempt to unbalance him through the Force was thoroughly and swiftly deflected… _again_. It almost seemed as if Hux had erected a shield that made him impervious to Force attacks. Gritting his teeth against the sound of Hux’s vicious laughter, Ben repressed the urge to rail against this seemingly inhuman accomplishment and tried again.

He’d known shortly after engaging with Hux that they were evenly matched. In fact, that was perhaps putting it too optimistically. Ben had spent the last — how long? — in darkness and pain, while Hux seemed to be able to do anything he could imagine. Even Force lightning, a skill Ben had never mastered despite years of trying. Of course, Hux wasn’t burdened by the conflict between Light and Dark that had always afflicted Ben, but instinct told him that wasn’t even a factor. Given the unnatural manner of Hux’s Force access, Ben realized the rules he’d spent a lifetime learning didn’t apply. In fact, there seemed to be no end to what Hux could do.

Ben grit his teeth, stifling another grunt of frustration. He’d thought that last Force push would get through, having seen that Hux was distracted by his own attack. While yet absorbing the shock of Hux’s Force lightning, Ben had conserved enough focus and energy to fight back. But his nemesis had merely flung it aside with a nonchalant flick of his hand. Ben felt Hux pushing his way inside his mind then, learning from his own tactic and taking advantage of his distraction to taste his exhaustion and frustration before he’d managed to shove him back out.

“You’ve always underestimated me, Ren!” Hux shouted triumphantly, cackling wickedly.

Narrowing his eyes in disgust, Ben flung his energy outward, first from one side, then immediately the other. Casually deflecting the first, Hux grunted out as he fell to one knee, having failed to anticipate the second. Ben had him now and tightened his grip, feeling the first stirrings of panic as his airway constricted. He knew he wouldn’t get far with this and tried to increase the pressure, willing the bones of his neck to snap and end this farce, but then impossibly small tendrils of the Force snuck up under Ben’s grip and shoved him aside. Laughing despite the harsh timbre and compulsive coughing that the attack on his throat had left him, Hux pushed out at Ben’s attack, deflecting the saber strike that otherwise would have cleaved his head in two.

“You should have killed me properly the first time!” he rasped.

Ben caught the underlying meaning, that he wouldn’t be so easy to kill this time. And he was right. He’d tried and failed long enough now to get past Hux’s defenses to know that this could very well be a struggle entirely beyond his capabilities. And, if that was all Ben knew about the situation, he might have despaired.

Ben had always known that Hux’s penchant for self-aggrandizement would one day bite him in the ass. At last, that day had come. By his own admission, Ben knew that Hux’s well of unmitigated power was not bottomless. When rambling about his realization that the siphon stored the stolen Force energy, he’d mentioned being able to sense how much was left…meaning there was an end to it. Recalling the weakness Hux had displayed before renewing the siphon, Ben assumed he’d nearly reached the end of his Force supply then. Considering he’d only renewed the siphon a day or two ago, that meant he wouldn’t have much reserves now…right? Still not sure how long he’d hovered in and out of consciousness in his dark prison, Ben realized he could be wrong about that timing. But he hoped not, seeing as how he was becoming increasingly convinced the only way he was going to be able to defeat Hux was to outlast him.

It went on what seemed forever, a constant push and pull, ebb and flow as first one then the other gained the upper hand. As much as possible, Ben tried to conserve his energy, the energy he’d gleaned from his children — how in the Force had _that_ happened?! — but it was a delicate balance between conservation and using enough to keep Hux from severely injuring or even killing him. Finally, though, he seemed to have caught the rhythm of it, surging and releasing his attacks — both physical and mental — in harmony with his instincts.

Then, at last, _finally_ , Ben caught some evidence of Hux’s exhaustion.

When the pattern that had been established dictated that Hux should come at him with renewed determination, he didn’t. Instead, he stumbled backward, one foot slipping then twisting in his long robes, and he fell hard to his hip. Sensing victory at last, Ben rose to his full height, reaching forward through the Force to hold him immobile first, then pinch in just the right spot to squeeze the life out of this evil man who had caused him and those he loved so much pain. Almost smiling at the satisfaction of feeling his heartbeat slowing, hovering over him as he watched the expression of disbelief and horror mar his pasty face, Ben became aware of the ruse too late.

With a sharp _crack_ , horrendous pain surged up through his right leg and into his consciousness. Falling, his leg bent grotesquely in the wrong direction, Ben looked up to find Hux grinning devilishly over him. Just as he did, Hux lifted a hand and the tiny sparks arcing between his fingertips flared to life and seized him bodily. Accustomed to the sensation from years of abuse at Snoke’s hands, Ben absorbed the pain, gritting his teeth hard enough that only a slight groat escaped. But then Hux’s foot came crashing down on Ben’s mangled leg and the sudden flare of agony combined with the lightning and he cried out.

“Yes, Kylo!” Hux taunted, the heel of his boot grinding into the open wound from which Ben’s bone protruded. “I do so love to hear you scream!”

Straining with the pain, exhaustion, and effort, Ben heard pathetic whimpers escape him, but then a high-pitched cry within his mind usurped all other concerns. Recognizing Declan’s voice instantly, Ben jerked hard as his son’s consciousness was abruptly and ruthlessly pulled from him. Hard upon the deafening hush, a second scream arose, this one Aileen’s and likewise suddenly silenced both physically and in the Force.

Bereft of both his children’s Force presences, Ben looked up in time to see Rey rising slowly over them, their little bodies lying dreadfully still on the floor. Confusion and disbelief surged through him. No, this couldn’t be… _Couldn’t!_

“Declan!” he shouted. “Aileen!”

Trying to claw his way toward them, the indescribable pain firing through his broken leg thwarted his physical efforts just as thoroughly as the frightening absence of any Force presence other than Hux’s did his mental efforts. With no response, he shoved at them in desperation, watching as their bodies flopped in the wake of his weak Force push and instantly returning to their sinister stillness. Knowing what was happening but unable to accept it, he cried out, weeping, his heart splitting and fracturing as he watched Rey slowly stoop to retrieve her cracked lightsaber from beneath Declan’s limp hand.

“You didn’t!” he wailed, his grief raw and overwhelming. “Tell me you didn’t murder our children!”

To his horror, she only smirked a little, one corner of her mouth lifting in a slight smile as Hux’s shriek of triumphant laughter speared through his psyche. Ben roared out his misery, rage overtaking him as he surged to his feet. He ignored his leg, its excruciating pain only combining with the agony of his soul to fuel his mania as he raised his lightsaber to strike down the only woman he’d ever loved. But even as he bellowed out his torment, his fingers suddenly clamped around nothing as his weapon leaped out of his grip and into Hux’s, who stood there delighting in Ben’s hell. With a careless gesture, Hux swiped at Ben’s legs and he collapsed back down to the floor, overcome by pain of body, heart, and mind.

“Oh, lovely! _Lovely!_ ” he cried as Rey paused to gaze dispassionately over Ben’s suffering. “My dear, you’ve done me proud!”

Delirious with grief, Ben swiped out at Rey, reaching for any part of her as she casually stepped outside of his reach.

“Kill me!” he shouted up at her as she slowly and placidly retreated from him. He howled out his despair and desolation as he demanded of her the only recourse left to him. “Damn you! _Kill me!_ ”

But cold, impermeable, she merely turned aside, joining Hux at his side, who greeted her with a smile and praise for her initiative.

“Well done, my faithful servant!” he crooned before turning his attention back to Ben. “Of course, with the brats gone, we’ll have to keep this one now…”

In exquisite anguish, Ben could only sense Hux drawing close, blind to him through his tears and misery. But he could feel the horribly mutilated sensation of Rey’s Force presence that he recognized as Hux, felt it hovering over him, gloating and delighting in his pain. Dejected, wrung free of any fight left in him, Ben only intended to turn aside and retreat into whatever corner of his mind might offer him solace when something changed. Instantly alert, he blinked hard to clear the moisture from his eyes, only to be confronted by a slack countenance of stunned disbelief, one he’d seen before. As Hux’s gaze lengthened and unfocused, Ben realized where he’d seen this same expression before.

On Snoke.

When he, too, had been fatally betrayed by one he’d felt all too certain could never do so.

All his pain forgotten, Ben stared in shock, looking past the white plasma protruding at a sharp downward angle from beneath Hux’s ribcage, past the hilt that emerged behind his shoulder, past the hands that gripped it, to the grim, determined expression on Rey’s face. As he watched, she grit her teeth and gave her lightsaber a hard wrench, its energy severing through enough of Hux’s internal organs that Ben need not wonder if he was and would remain dead. Another heartbeat, and she blinked, her eyes refocusing on Ben before they filled with tears.

“It’s done!” she cried, and it wasn’t until his mind filled with the joy of his children’s presence that he realized she hadn’t been speaking to him.

Choking on his emotions as Aileen and Declan ran to him, crowding him, he could only weep and hold them tight as his heart slowly accepted what his mind had recognized instantly. They had faked their deaths, all three of them, going so far as to make _him_ believe it, all to lower Hux’s guard long enough for Rey to kill him. He still didn’t understand much of what had happened, but all he needed to know right now was that his children were alive. And here.

Wait…

_Here?_

“What are you doing here?” he exclaimed suddenly, gripping them both by the back of their clothing and pulling them to where he could see them.

With a sheepish glance toward one another, they smiled mischievously.

“You can punish us later, alright, Dad?” Declan said.

Reaching up to ruffle his son’s dark curls, he pulled him forward to press yet another kiss to his forehead.

“I think we might have to let this one go,” he muttered.

“You might not think so after you talk to Finn and Rose,” Aileen volunteered.

Smiling at her, he averred, “We’ll see.”

It was Aileen who first peered upward, her gaze searching for the missing member of their reunion. Ben stretched his neck, wincing at the pain that flashed up from his leg with the movement. Having retreated to sit on the lowest step below Hux’s throne, her knees drawn up close to her chest, her hands wedged between them and her chin, Rey sat there watching the three of them, crying.

Wary, the memories of her vicious attacks and cruel treatment during his imprisonment too fresh in his mind, Ben spoke her name, bracing himself for the blank obliviousness he knew he’d see. But when her gaze met his, her face tightened, tension wrenching fresh tears from her eyes as she shook her head in agony.

“Ben…”

His body jolted, unprepared for the shock. With a quick check, he confirmed that she was still blank to the Force, her familiar essence utterly missing. But the ache in his heart told him she wasn’t as gone as she had been.

“Rey?” he croaked, shaking his head, so confused he didn’t even know where to begin.

“We restored her.”

Startled, Ben jerked his gaze toward Aileen at his side. He pushed himself upright, grimacing and moving through the pain from his leg to accomplish the small feat.

“What do you mean, you restored her?”

Aileen could only smile, overcome by her own emotions, happy tears shining in her eyes. As Ben watched, she leaned in to kiss his cheek, then climbed to her feet without a word. Declan rocked forward on his knees then, gathering his father’s attention.

“Like a computer,” he chirped happily. “We reset her.”

“Declan, I—”

He reached out with a soft laugh, shaking his head. “Dad, here…”

Placing his hands on either side of his father’s head, Declan closed his eyes and Ben felt understanding flood through him.

 

* * *

 

“I need you here.”

Declan gazed up at Aileen steadily. He knew she was torn, wanted so badly to help their father. He knew how desperately she loved him, how much she’d always missed him, and just how badly it would devastate her to lose him. But he _knew_ she needed to stay here with him, _knew_ that their mother needed them, and _knew_ that he alone wouldn’t be enough.

With a gasp, Declan felt something familiar brush against him, heading in Aileen’s direction, and he saw her eyes widen. When she whispered, “Mo,” he nodded, confirming she’d felt the Force communicating with her. Allowing himself a careful sigh of relief as his sister reluctantly knelt down next to him, he turned his attention to their mother.

“What are we doing?” Aileen asked, looking at their mother sleeping in front of them, trying valiantly to ignore both her instinct to strangle the traitorous wretch and the sounds of their father struggling behind them.

After a moment’s hesitation, Declan said the words he was genuinely dreading. Not because of what they needed to do, but because of how his sister would react.

“We have to go into her mind.”

“What?” Aileen hissed. “You already tried that!”

“I know. But I didn’t have you with me then.”

“What difference does that make?”

Declan looked at her, his brows raised in concern, and he shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know.”

She shook her head hard and turned when a sharp cry rang out. Seizing her arm before she could leap up and run to their father, Declan told her what little he knew.

“This will help Dad!” he pled with her.

Aileen turned on him, her eyes blazing in fury that was both all too familiar and utterly frightening.

“ _How?_ ” she spat viciously.

“I don’t know!” he returned desperately, pleading with her through their bond to just trust him, trust the Force.

Squeezing her eyes shut, her jaw clamped hard and her frame trembling with tension, she relented, steeling herself to go against every instinct clamoring inside her.

“ _Fine_.”

Feeling his sister reaching impatiently for him along their bond, he returned the gesture, the two of them coming together as one easily, a feat they had achieved so many times before throughout their lives. It was a comfortable, familiar place, and they realized for the first time how much they could accomplish this way, together. With unified effort, they both pushed their way into their mother’s mind. Declan felt Aileen’s reticence, her anger, making her all the more reluctant to try and help their mother. But Mo whispered wordlessly again and Declan felt Aileen jerk in surprise. As much as she despised Rey, she had faith in Mo, and so they pressed forward again.

‘ _There’s nothing here_ ,’ Aileen commented, and Declan could feel her brow pinching in frustrated fury.

‘ _Almost_ ,’ Declan agreed, directing her attention toward the circling phrases he’d noticed before.

Aileen scoffed. ‘ _Those are Hux. That’s not her._ ’

‘ _How do you know?_ ’

Declan felt his question stop Aileen short, not knowing how to answer either for him or for herself. With a lingering frown over this mystery, Declan felt Aileen reach out to the ideas that had taken on an ethereal form and he was surprised when they obeyed her will, gathering themselves agreeably into her hands where she squashed them out of existence.

‘ _Now what?_ ’ she grit angrily, spinning around the empty space of their mother’s mind and finding absolutely nothing to latch onto. ‘ _She’s gone and Dad needs us._ ’

Declan felt his frustration rise, swiftly accompanied by anxiety as a sense of urgency gripped them both. Who had originated these emotions, whether himself or Aileen, Declan couldn’t say, but it didn’t really matter either. Through their bond, they were utterly unified, each one reflecting the other, and vice versa. In this state, one’s thought _was_ the other’s. There was no separation. And, so, it was as one that they both caught the faint gleam, tucked somewhere distant from them, so far back that Declan wondered that they’d spotted it at all.

Reaching for it in this strange spacelessness of the mind, they held it in front of them in an instant despite its great distance. And as they stared, they became aware.

‘ _We’ve been here before_.’

Declan nodded, knowing Aileen was right, but not at all understanding how or when.

_Help me_ …

With a jerk, the twins stared at one another, their eyes wide. Both knew they’d heard the faint whisper, despite the suspicion they each held that they had imagined it. When Aileen wondered if that had been Mo, Declan immediately negated that idea. This was something else, something…

_Please_ … _help me._

Old…

‘ _It’s a memory!_ ’ Declan cried. ‘ _This isn’t now!_ ’

Aileen frowned. ‘ _What? When? Is that_ Rey _? I don’t remember this!_ ’

‘ _I don’t either. I don’t think it’s something we_ can _remember._ ’

‘ _Well, what do we_ do _?_ ’ Aileen groused, annoyance and impatience flaring.

_Help me save him…_

‘ _Save him?_ ’ Aileen hissed, suddenly attentive. ‘ _Save who? Dad?_ ’

_Ben… Father…_

‘ _Do you feel that, Aileen?_ ’ Declan cried, jubilant. ‘ _Do you feel how much she loves him?! It’s amazing!_ ’

Rather than answer, Aileen could only stare in astonishment, sensing the same overwhelming love, desperation, and fear Declan did. It terrified her and awed her at the same time. They’d both always known how very much their father had loved their mother, but Declan realized now that Aileen had never truly believed their mother could have matched that. And now, they both knew she did. The vastness of what she felt, the wonder, the despair… It was all so overwhelming, and they knew they needed to do everything they could to preserve it.

They all knew it…

With that realization, their mother’s consciousness flared around them.

‘ _Declan? Aileen?_ ’

Her voice wasn’t a whisper anymore, it was full, as real in their minds as each others’ were.

‘ _Did I hurt you?_ ’

Confusion flooded them all.

‘ _Hurt us?_ ’ Aileen demanded, suddenly angry. ‘ _Of course you hurt us! You left!_ ’

‘ _Left?_ ’ Rey echoed in confusion. ‘ _How could I leave?_ ’

‘ _You left us alone! You left Dad alone! You didn’t try hard enough to get back to us!_ ’

‘ _Shh… My sweet girl… I know what it’s like to be left, Aileen. I swear to you, now and forever, I will always find my way back to you._ ’

‘ _But you didn’t! You didn’t…!_ ’

Aileen fell to weeping and Declan could only stare, not knowing this depth of pain had always resided deep inside his sister’s psyche. How, in their nearly nine years of living, breathing, existing, thinking, _being_ with one another could he never have known that?

‘ _Nine years…?_ ’ Rey interjected.

Their mother’s confusion, followed hard upon by shock and dismay shook them all to the core.

‘ _You’re nine years old?_ ’

‘ _Almost_ ,’ Declan answered, frowning in confusion.

‘ _No, that’s not possible!_ ’ Rey protested, anxiety rising swiftly. ‘ _I’ve only just learned you’re coming. I’m so afraid I’ve hurt you, but Cerisse… If I hadn’t…_ ’

She didn’t have to finish the thought for Declan and Aileen to know its conclusion, because they could feel the dark despair it evoked within them all, how very profoundly they would each be affected by the loss of Ben Solo. But, even more than that, Declan caught the name Cerisse and latched onto it.

He didn’t know much. Dad had never been inclined to share war stories with them, but they had grown up always knowing the key role their parents had played in dismantling the Empire. Eventually, Declan’s curiosity had grown and he’d started asking questions. He remembered now, Poe — or was it Finn? — mentioning Cerisse, the former Knight of Ren who had been inhabited by an ancient malicious spirit, the very same one that had possessed Snoke for so long. Poe (Finn?) hadn’t known much, though. Apparently their parents had never been terribly forthcoming with their friends on the specifics of what had transpired. But Declan had sensed enough to know Cerisse’s downfall had occurred well before he and his sister were born. Which meant…

‘ _I’m out of my time_ ,’ Rey murmured in combined wonder and dismay, having followed Declan’s thoughts and come to the same conclusion. ‘ _But…what happened to me?_ ’

Declan shrugged. ‘ _We don’t know. You’ve been missing for six years—_ ’

‘Six—!’

Declan felt the profound distress in his mother’s cry, and her focus turned immediately toward Aileen, comprehension, sympathy, and regret flooding her as she understood her daughter’s anger. In a flash, Rey communicated to Aileen her full experience of growing up alone on Jakku, constantly waiting for a family that never arrived, the sorrow, loneliness, despair, and tenacious hope that never allowed her to let it all go. She knew all too well what that was like, and it broke her heart that she could have inflicted that upon her own children, her precious children who, even though she’d only known of them for a handful of minutes, she already cherished more than her own life, just as much as she cherished their father.

And, with a welling of tears that somehow healed as they flowed, Aileen clung to her mother’s spirit, for the first time understanding how much she was loved, that she’d never been second in her father’s heart. He’d tried so hard to bring their mother home not only for himself, but also for them, and for Rey, knowing what it meant to be parted from her children. She’d always thought he’d thought only of himself and his need for his wife, but now she understood it wasn’t that simple.

Reluctant to interrupt, Declan timidly reminded them all of their urgency through a gentle nudge.

‘ _Yes, Declan_ ,’ Rey agreed promptly, brushing his cheek affectionately before turning her thoughts back to the dilemma at hand. ‘ _So, why don’t I remember any of this? From my perspective, I’ve just defeated Cerisse._ ’

Declan narrowed his eyes, a suspicion striking him. ‘ _How_ did _you defeat Cerisse?_ ’

Shame suffused them all, along with a non-verbal reminder that it had been necessary in order to preserve their father’s life. With reassurances of forgiveness surrounding her, no matter what she’d been forced to do, Rey sighed and confessed.

‘ _I drew upon your Force energies. I combined them with my own in order to gain enough power to overcome Cerisse_.’

Declan was astonished. Not angry, just…amazed. So much, in fact, that he was stunned silent. Aileen, however, didn’t seem to have that affliction.

‘ _We had enough Force energy…when we’d only just been conceived?_ ’

Rey could only nod, as astonished as they were.

‘ _How did you know?_ ’

‘ _I didn’t_ ,’ she admitted, ‘ _but I didn’t have any other options. And when I asked you for help…you responded._ ’

‘ _Our minds fused?_ ’ Declan asked.

‘ _Maybe not_ minds _,_ ’ Rey hedged. ‘ _You certainly didn’t speak to me like you are now. You didn’t really have minds or conscious thought then. But, yes, I think our_ Force energies _fused_.’

Declan grinned, leaving Aileen and their mother to frown until he saw fit to explain his elation.

‘ _When you disappeared,_ ’ he began, ‘ _we were too little to remember you. And when Dad brought you home, you didn’t remember us. He said something had been done to you and it wiped out all of your memories._ ’

‘All _my memories?_ ’ she repeated, astonished, dismayed.

‘ _Yes. Every single one_.’

‘ _But…_ ’ She shook her head, confused. ‘ _How can I remember Jakku, then?_ _And Cerisse? And Ben, and…_ ’

Declan placed his hand on her arm, easing her from her litany and its accompanying panic. Nodding, recognizing his gentle admonition, she took a deep breath.

‘ _I think it was Hux who did it before_ ,’ Declan declared. ‘ _And I think he did it again._ ’

Declan felt his mother suppress her surprise at the idea that Hux could remove her memories, knowing full well Hux was no Force user. But, recognizing the rising anxiety coming especially from Aileen, and knowing it centered on finishing whatever it was they were doing here so they could all get back to helping the man they all loved, she shoved it aside in favor of letting Declan finish.

‘ _When we got here, you were gone. There was no recognition of anything in your eyes, and nothing here in your mind. You were empty. But then…_ ’ he interjected quickly, feeling her need to interrupt again. ‘ _Then we found this spark that’s you. But… I don’t think we’re in your mind anymore._ ’

‘ _We’re not?_ ’ Aileen piped up, surprised.

‘ _No_ ,’ Declan confirmed, grinning. ‘ _And it’s not yours or mine, either._ ’

‘ _Then—_ ’

‘ _It’s a fusion of all three of us_ ,’ he revealed, barely containing his glee now. ‘ _That’s why Mo said you needed to stay with me, Aileen. I couldn’t have found her by myself. It had to be all three of us, just like when Mom fought Cerisse. And that’s why she doesn’t remember anything since then but she does remember everything before._ ’

Their mother stared with her jaw slack, her mind, glassy with tears, shifting restlessly between her two children. She held them close, then, love flowing freely between all three of them, until Aileen reminded them once again…

‘ _Yes, love,_ ’ she agreed, stroking her daughter’s cheek briefly before setting her jaw firmly. ‘ _So what now? Your father’s in danger, right?_ ’

Declan nodded gravely.

‘ _Alright. Can you put my consciousness back in my own body?_ ’

‘ _I think so. But you don’t have any access to the Force._ ’

‘What? _Why?_ ’ she spat through surprise and anger before quickly shaking her head. ‘ _Nevermind. Can you show me what’s going on now?_ ’

With a sidelong glance at Aileen and her silent but regretful agreement that it was necessary, Declan nodded. They both felt Rey brace herself, recognizing that, whatever she was about to get, wasn’t going to be pleasant. And, once she’d taken the moment she needed to absorb everything her children had witnessed since arriving in the throne room, she was decidedly more withdrawn.

While Rey worked through what she’d learned, Declan and Aileen coordinated between each other to figure out how to make sure they were back in their mother’s mind and where to place her consciousness. Once they had made a decision, Rey stopped them.

‘ _Before you go,_ ’ she said. ‘ _I have a plan…_ ’

 

* * *

 

Ben jerked back, his eyes wide with the rush of information his son had just pushed into his mind. Sheepish, Declan lowered his hands slowly, oddly embarrassed by what he’d shown him. Smiling, Ben pulled him forward into an awkward hug.

“How did you get to be so smart?” Ben muttered affectionately, to which Declan grinned broadly.

“Good genetics, I guess.”

Ben laughed lightly before his expression turned curious. “Mo?”

This time, Declan blushed.

“The Force talks to him,” Aileen interjected.

Ben’s eyebrows lifted. “And he calls the Force Mo?”

“Yeah,” she said, rolling her eyes. “It’s _really_ annoying.”

With a stronger laugh this time, Ben turned his attention to Rey. Shifting carefully, he grimaced when he tweaked his leg no matter how careful he was. Finally allowing himself to spare a moment, he focused on the source of the pain and numbed the nerves in that portion of his leg. He knew this meant he could do more damage without realizing it, but he needed the relief from the distraction and wasn’t willing to take the time to do anything more thorough. Occupied by more important matters, he turned to face Rey. She sat on the step, huddled in on herself, rocking incessantly in a desperate and evidently failing effort to self-soothe.

“Rey…”

He spoke softly, and yet her body jerked violently at the sound of his voice. When she finally looked up at him, he saw the horrible angst and despair in her eyes as she looked at him. He knew he looked a wreck, and he knew she knew much of it was by her hand, but they all knew she’d held no control over that. Of course, that seemed to matter little to her when she gazed upon his condition.

“Rey, please come here.”

She hesitated, her irrational shame inhibiting her need to hold him, to know for certain he would be alright. It lasted only a moment, though, and then she was pushing, crawling, and sliding across the slick floor until she could cling to him, pull him into her arms and weep over the relief of holding him. Ben allowed it, indulged in it, closing his eyes and feeling her warmth, her love, having only minutes ago been convinced he he wanted nothing more than to meet his end at her hand. He shuddered with the memory of calling for her to end his life, how desperately he wanted that, and the pain that must have caused her. After all, given the very odd but amazing and wonderful circumstances he’d seen through Declan’s eyes, he knew that she was holding him for the first time after having saved his life twice in a row.

“You’re forever saving me, aren’t you, Rey?”

“It’s only fair,” she managed eventually between sobs. “You saved me from Snoke first.”

Ben tried to smile, to appreciate her banter. He truly did. But the evidence that she _remembered_ , that she even knew who Snoke was, who _he_ was, Finn, Poe, Rose… It choked him and he sobbed, weeping to know he had his Rey back once more. There was so much she didn’t know now, but he recognized in an instant that it would be alright. Much of it — the end of the second Galactic War, their role in brokering peace, the birth of their children, their first years together as a family, and then the wondrous adventure that had been convincing her to fall in love with him again… He could help her remember all that, could share his memories. As soon as her access to the Force returned, it would even be as real for her as if she’d been there, which she had. Some things would be lost, but he couldn’t really bring himself to regret those. Her years of loneliness and solitude on Cholganna, her incarceration and torture at Hux’s hands… He dared to guess those were memories she didn’t really need anyway.

After a time indulging in tears and embraces, they both calmed. He knew they needed to move, were in danger of being discovered at any moment. But he couldn’t bring himself to care. He had his Rey back, and their children. And Hux was dead. Sparing a glance for the lifeless form that someone — probably Aileen, he guessed — had shoved off to the side, Ben breathed a breath of freedom, knowing there was nothing they couldn’t all handle together.

He knew from tentative probes into her mind that Rey’s Force access was still gone, and he didn’t know how the siphon would function since its receptacle was dead. There was that mineral stuck in her head and he longed to pull it out, but didn’t know if that would harm her. Hux’s gloating had left hi with the awareness that the effect of the siphon faded eventually, and his inclination at the moment was to wait out the effects. That seemed the safest course. After all, he didn’t need Rey’s Force sensitivity to love her.

Having found himself lying on the floor, his head in Rey’s lap, encouraged there by her concern for his leg, eventually Ben realized they needed to come up with a plan. Wearily, feeling the days of physical and emotional torment he had endured, Ben lifted his head from Rey’s lap to find the kids. With a murmur of protest, she gently but insistently pushed his head back down then twisted to look on his behalf. When her eyes met his again, it was with a wide smile that launched a flare of love in his heart for this incredible woman.

“They’re playing on Hux’s throne.”

Ben grinned. “Good. Tell them they should take a piss on it.”

“Hey, kids—”

Slinging his hand around the back of her neck with a laughing _Shhh!_ to interrupt her shout and pulling her back to him, Ben propped himself on his elbow to meet her half way. Hesitating just before contact, making sure it was what she wanted too, he caught her smile just before pressing her mouth to his, then he lost himself in her kiss…just like he always had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you have it! The happy ending I’ve promised all along! I’ve been so excited to bring this resolution of the story to you. Please please PLEASE tell me what you think!!!
> 
> In case anyone is reading who either didn’t read “Conflicted” or doesn’t remember it well, I’m curious… Were you able to glean enough information about Cerisse and the events of that story to be able to enjoy this one? If not, where did you need more information?
> 
> Finally, an invitation… I have a few things I want to cover in the last chapter (including how they get off the Star Destroyer), but what would you like to see happen before we say goodbye to this story? I can’t promise I’ll be able to use everyone’s suggestions, but I’d love to see your ideas!


	35. Author's Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deepest, sincerest apologies...

My dear, wonderful, ever-so-much-appreciated readers...

I owe you a HUGE apology. If there's one thing I hate, it's stories that never finish. Well, I'm afraid I have committed that most egregious of sins. When I finished the main body of this story back in October, I was in a mad rush to do so in order to free up the time I needed to get my real-world obligations in hand. Well, I have done that, but apparently I've done it so well that it squeezed all the creativity right out of me...

This story is complete. I had planned to write one last chapter just to tie everything up together, so we could get to witness some happy nuclear (Rey, Ben, Aileen, Declan) and extended (Finn, Poe, Rose, Maz, Chewie) family time. But once I finally managed to emerge from crisis mode late in November and I tried to write again, I found it just wasn't coming to me. I have since tried to write the last chapter about four different times, and it's all just crap. So I have come to an unfortunate and reluctant decision...

I respect you, my readers, our lovely Reylo characters, and my own craft far too much to try and foist some half-hearted attempt at a conclusion off on you. Instead, I will let the story stand as it is...for now.

I have also decided, however, that if anyone out there is so moved as to be interested in writing a concluding chapter to "Forgotten", I would be happy to consider adding it to my story. If you are so inclined, please message me on Tumblr (kcmarsala) so we can work out the details.

In the meantime, my deepest gratitude to you all for bearing with me through this dark journey. Here's looking forward to EPIX this year!!!!!


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